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The rolls were made, the coffee vat was set, snacks were on the table and it was two o'clock.

“What do these magic potions look like?" Raz asked, scanning the camp to ensure they weren't being watched.

Sarah pulled the tent flap aside and peered inside; she could see a table and a chair, a camping bed neatly made up, a stack of boxes and a clothes rail. The general's black shirt, pants and fancy jacket were hanging up. “Metal cylinders with 'Monster' written on them," she explained, “like food cans but taller. I think they're transformation elixirs. I've read about them in my books," she added knowledgefully.

“Oooh, that sounds fancy! And unpronounceable."

They carefully opened the General's supply boxes and examined the contents.

Raz grabbed a fistful of Haribo packets and stuffed them in her fatigue pockets, “don't look at me like that; there's a reason we ration them at lunchtime you know. Orcs love sweets. General Warlock has to hide them or they'd all be gone in a blink. These are worth their weight in gold, these are, nothing an orc wouldn't do for some of these beauties!"

Sarah had wondered why the soldiers could only take one pack at a time when everything else was a free for all. “What are these?" she held up some thin flat items with 'Dairy Milk' text on the sleeve.

“Chocolate. Do you not have chocolate here?"

Sarah shook her head.

“Where the general comes from, they eat a lot of sweets and chocolate. It's the same place we took the army stuff from, too. You know, trucks and guns and tanks and hand grenades. "

“You took them from a far away land?" she asked, intrigued.

“Yeah. Helped ourselves. That's what we do," she shrugged.

“And the people there, did they mind?" Sarah asked carefully.

“Nah, didn't mind a bit. They were all dead, see. The big dragon collects all sorts of weapons from all over the place when no-one's using them anymore. Anyway, keep your eyes peeled for this magic stuff, yeah? Try the other boxes."

She flipped a lid and the bright text immediately got her attention; “here, look!" she took it out and gave it a shake.

Raz frowned, “I think it's just a drink," she said.

“You've drunk some of this?"

“Oh no, we're not allowed those. Wait! We're not allowed those! Ooh, only the General gets to drink these." She grabbed one out of the box greedily.

“Exactly!" Sarah exclaimed excitedly, “only for him. It's got 'Monster' written on it and the only person who gets to drink it is grey and weird with big ears. I mean I might be wrong," she admitted, “but there's only one way to find out." She scrabbled at the ring on the top and Raz showed her how to crack it open. Sarah took a big gulp. It was like fizzy lemon juice with a bag of sugar thrown in the mix for good measure. It was quite nice, actually. Maybe it wasn't a magic potion after all. Didn't they have 'eye of bat' and 'raven blood' in them? She finished it anyway.

“How do you feel? You don't look any different," Raz observed, pulling a face as she took a sip then passed her tin over for her friend to finish, “how can he drink these? Eurgh!"

“I don't feel any different," she admitted, finishing the second beverage. “Never mind, it was a lot of fun sneaking in here wasn't it?" she picked up some more of the fizzy drinks and stopped dead.

“What?" Raz asked, looking around quickly in case someone had spotted them.

“I feel weird," Sarah hissed.

Raz frowned, “that's not funny. I thought we were in for it then! It's alright for you, you get away with anything. I'll get beaten to death by the corporal, I will!"

“Raz... seriously." A strange sensation came over her. She could hear the blood pumping in her ears and her heart rate suddenly accelerated. A funny sort of itch appeared at the base of her skull.

“It's probably gas!" Raz pulled her from the black tent, “come on, you'll have to feel weird somewhere else."

“Whoa, this is really freaky. I feel like... like the kids do when they have too much orange juice at snacktime. I want to go somewhere, do something. What can we do, Raz? Where can we go?"

“You can't go or do anything, remember?"

“I can if I'm with you! Please?"

“I don't have a weapon. We can't go wandering off and don't look at Destroyer, hop on his back and he'll grass you up in a heartbeat! Go and sit out the back of the food tent and I'll get my dice and cards. How about I get my nail stuff? Sit tight, I'll be back in a bit. And don't drink any more of those cans!"

Sarah felt awfully fidgety. She didn't want to sit still. Or wait for Raz to come back. She was pumped up and ready for action, those drinks were amazing! Gimme a warg right now and I'll bash its head in, she thought. Raz stopped to chat to one of her many boyfriends who had come back in with his rifle. She's going to be ages, I just know it. And I'm going to be bored stiff! Wish I had a book. I could go and get a book! Left one ages ago back at the tavern and that's only past the meadow gate. No one would notice. Raz won't notice, too busy with her fella. I'll be five minutes, tops. Yeah.

Turning on her heels, Sarah made a sneaky exit out of the Kaos Army camp, congratulating herself on her cleverness as she crouched through the long dandelions that always sprouted up in spring. The three elves were checking things off lists and chatting idly. Well, two of them were. Completely none the wiser as she passed the meadow gate and speedily loped up the gravel path into the town proper. If anyone noticed she was missing they'd just assume she'd popped to the toilet. People did that all the time. Half the soldiers didn't even know who she was; who's this? Oh, it's only just another human headed to the pub.

And it would have been fine, it really would, if that cursed howling hadn't started up again. Sarah had almost reached her destination. She could see the Kaos Army soldiers leaving their tables, hurrying back to the camp with their guns drawn ready. Well this is great, she thought, quickly side-stepping behind a bush to let them pass, now I've got to head back to the safety of the camp before a warg gets me! The skaven on the town walls began firing into the distance and she audibly yelped at the gunshots as they rang out. Time to go! But which direction? The tavern cellar was just ahead, but if she hid there she'd get in trouble again for leaving Raz's side. The meadow was back down the track but out in the open and exposed. Her heart was already under strain from that rotten fizzy drink she'd helped herself to and her body was trembling slightly. She'd never been good at making quick decisions.

A flash of blue light came from the open tavern door. The same blue light that she'd seen at the boundary stones. The same blue light that no-one would tell her about or even acknowledge the existence of. This time was different; this time other people would have seen it, the townspeople that were heading into the cellar for safety. I will get to the bottom of this, she thought as she dashed inside.

The tavern was deserted, empty. Where was everyone? They must be hiding in the cellar. Sarah stepped warily towards the bar. More howling rang out through the air. Stupid stupid! I shouldn't have wandered off, what a bloody idiot I am! The cellar door lay wide open. No light nor sounds came from within. What was going on?! Something didn't feel right. She prepared to make a run for it, blue light mystery be damned when something clattered. The cellar lit up from within. This was her chance to get some answers! With a deep breath she steeled her nerves and headed down the wooden steps. Sarah saw an absolute mess of fallen shelves and broken bottles. They weren't important. What was important was the magnificent blue swirly circle thing that had appeared in the cellar wall. Now this – this was magic! Mesmerised, she stepped closer and kicked a curious object with her foot. It spun on the floor and with a 'click' the wonderful swirly thing vanished. Grabbing it urgently and stuffing it down her shirt for safe keeping, she decided enough was enough and she raced out of the empty building and towards the gravel track that led to the meadow as fast as her little legs could carry her. Brake lights up ahead made her heart sink; the general was back. She could hear orders being shouted, could hear gunshots in the distance and could hear very clearly the growls that were coming right behind her. No Destroyer to save her this time. Could she outrun a warg? No chance, not even with the help of the Monster stuff that had made her feel so hyper in the first place.

It was time to be a damsel in distress and holler for her life. Literally. “HEEELLP!" Raz had called her lucky. Time to put it to the test, “HEEEELLLPP!"

Answering her call, General Warlock walked through the field gate from his jeep and raised his handgun; “get out the bloody way!" he ordered.

Well that's easier said than done, she thought, I'm being chased by giant wolves here! The gravel path rose up to meet her as her toe hit a large stone, sending her flying. Explosions sounded out, leaving a ringing in her ears. She felt a warm trickle down her nose where it had smashed into the ground. Everything hurt. Blinking, coughing, sniffing and fighting for breath, Sarah lay on the sharp stones regretting recent decisions.

With a crunch a pair of brown boots came into view. “I mean, falling over wasn't quite what I had in mind, could have just stepped to the side," he growled. He was absolutely furious. A large grey hand pulled Sarah up with no attempt to be gentle. He firmly grasped her wrist, not letting go and his eyes blazed; “get to the medic van, I'll be speaking with you and private Razitshakra in my quarters very shortly." He let go, turned his back on her and walked away.

She rubbed her wrist where he'd squeezed and touched the blood at her face. All she'd had to do was stay at camp. She'd been given somewhere safe to stay and she'd left instead.

As she gingerly made her way to the big van at the rear of the camp where the medics were stationed she was surrounded by chaos; soldiers were grabbing rifles from truckbeds and passing them round, officers were organising their groups and giving orders or leading them out into the surrounding hills. Still the howling went on, interspersed with rapid gunfire.

Over all that General Warlock was raging and pacing outside his tent, “they're everywhere! Whole swarms of them. I've spent the last two days trying to get my hands on one dead goblin to convince the ministers that I'm not behind all these raids and now I've got more goblins than I can shake a stick at! Where the bloody hell are they coming from? I've got tracks in the forest that go in circles, a whole mine full of the blighters that vanished overnight and now this!"

“Is it magic, sir?" captain Dukk asked reluctantly.

“No! I can see magic a mile off. What's worse is they're leading all my men into the next county which can only mean that this is a diversion and I should be putting my men somewhere else. I just don't know where!" he kicked a plastic chair.

“We don't have any more men to spare, sir," the captain pleaded.

“I knew this would fucking happen!"

Sarah watched him storm into his tent as her wounds were tended to by a nimble-fingered skaven of small stature and pale-hued fur. She had a few cuts and bruises from her ordeal and an ice pack was stuffed up against her stinging nose.

Private Razitshakra was led into the tent by the captain and the General's raised voice could be heard once more. Poor Raz. Being put through the wringer most likely. It had been nice having a friend. A few minutes passed and the tent had fallen quiet. The sounds of gunshots had become few and far between too. The captain turned his attention to Sarah, taking her away from the medic and escorting her towards the dark canvas and the impending doom within.

She stood inside by Razitshakra. The she-orc refused to look at her and Sarah couldn't blame her. The curious device was still stuffed inside her bra; it was uncomfortable, just like keeping secrets. General Warlock was leaning against his desk, rubbing his temples. He'd changed back to his black shirt and jacket and a large tumbler of scotch with a half-empty bottle was sat out within reach. Someone was clearly reaching breaking point. “What did I do to deserve you two?" he rumbled frustratedly, “I've got over a hundred warg riders out there to deal with, a government ministry who are convinced that all this trouble is actually orchestrated by me for some goddamn reason, goblins who come and go right under our noses, nowhere near enough men to deal with this nonsense and then I have a scatterbrained private who is incapable of watching over one single human and one daft human who keeps wandering off in the middle of a war! Did I not tell you that you're in the middle of a goblin invasion because I'm pretty sure I DID!" He slammed his hand on the table and the scotch sloshed about from the impact. “Now, coffee girl -no, I take that back; Sarah, because you are one hundred percent fired from that position, please..." he grabbed his drink and knocked it back in one go, “tell me what was so important that you had to take a leisurely stroll while small armed murderers were prowling about!"

Eep! She'd forgotten what it was like to be in trouble with authority. What could she say? She had gotten bored and wanted a book? Thought she wouldn't get caught? That everything would be fine? Wanted to know about the mysterious blue light that kept popping up but no-one would talk about?

“Don't make me ask you again," he said, his voice dangerously low.

Raz turned her head ever so slightly, pretty eyes full of hurt and betrayal. Why had Sarah done this to her? How would she ever gain favour with the General after this?

Sarah's mouth flapped but nothing came out; she'd found out today that magic was real and she had so many questions she wanted to ask. If she told him about what she'd seen, what she'd taken; he'd just snatch it off her and send her away and it would all be over.

“Fine," he snapped, icily, “private Razitshakra-" she snapped her head back and saluted, fighting back tears, “-you are to return to headquarters and report to corporal Rave."

“No!" Sarah gasped. Poor Raz. What had she done?!

“Oh, heard of him, have you?" the General asked lightly, “as for you civilian, you are now under house arrest for your own good and my sanity."

She felt winded. Weak. Wretched. What kind of friend was she? Even her nursery children were better than this. The captain led Razitshakra away. Sarah couldn't stand it any more, “don't punish her, please! It's not her fault," she cried beseechingly.

General Warlock's expression was unchanged, “you seem to forget that I do not take orders from you."

House arrest? Why stay at home reading about adventures when she could be living one? “I'll tell you everything!" she sobbed, “just don't take my friend away, please. Please bring Raz back!" She never dreamed that one day she'd cherish an orc's company.

“Tell me," he said slowly, “and if I believe you then I will allow her to stay. I'll remind you that you are in no position to bargain with me and I am a very busy aardvark."

She let the words spill, not caring anymore about how absurd it all sounded, “this morning when I was with Destroyer he suddenly talked to me and grew this big horn on his nose and sprouted bat wings and he fought the goblins and wargs that appeared at the boundary stones. I mean, it was terrifying but a bit exciting I suppose. Well when we were leaving, after I'd spoken to you, there was this fantastic blue light that flashed and filled up the sky. I thought it was magic, you know? Like in the books I have back at home. Like what you were talking about in the jeep. No-one that I spoke to would pay any attention to me when I mentioned it, even though I knew that they knew something about it. It was so frustrating! After you told me to stay with Raz for the day I had this crazy crackpot idea that maybe the Monster Energy drinks you had in the jeep were shape-changing potions because you looked so funny so Raz and I snuck in your tent to find some. I mean, Raz was pretty sure they were just ordinary drinks but we'd gone to the effort of getting them so I had one and finished hers and felt really weird afterwards. Like absolutely hyper. Raz told me to go be weird somewhere else and wandered off to get nail stuff but she got distracted when she found one of her boyfriends and I figured if I was going to be sat bored at camp I may as well have a book to read. I'd left one behind ages ago at the tavern, it wasn't a particularly good one but I was so hyped up that I couldn't sit still if I tried so I thought 'Oh, I'll only be five minutes, tavern's not far' and I snuck out. Then the wargs started howling and the soldiers started running and I had to make the choice of going in the tavern for safety or going back to camp. Well I saw the blue flash of light again-"

“Where?"

It was his first interruption and it stalled her, “at the tavern. In the tavern."

“And the first was at the boundary stones, after the wargs and goblins were killed?" his voice sounded urgent but not cross. He was obviously thinking about what she was saying.

“Yes?"

“Captain!" he roared, and the orc's head popped through the flap.

“Yessir?"

“The boys we sent to the boundary stones to sort out the bodies. They arrive on foot?"

“Yessir!" he nodded.

“Thank you." He dismissed the officer and turned back to face Sarah, pouring another generous drink. “Continue," he gestured.

“I went in the tavern to investigate. I know it was stupid, the howling was going on and the skaven on the walls were shooting but I just had to know about that light. It seemed so... out of this world. The tavern was empty. Completely."

The general frowned, “empty?"

“Yes," Sarah nodded, “and I thought that was strange because your men had been outside drinking so there should have been at least the barman and the barmaid, right?"

“Right," he nodded, “go on..."

She took a few breaths, “I thought 'oh they're hiding in the cellar because of the wargs of course' but the cellar hatch was wide open which didn't make sense if they were sheltering and I couldn't hear anything at all and no-one's that quiet, especially not our citizens, they're always grumbling about something."

The general's ears fell and his shoulders sagged. He rubbed at his face, “they're not there, are they?" he asked.

“No," Sarah admitted.

“Captain!" he roared.

The green head popped through again, “yessir?"

“I want a bunch of lads to look inside the tavern and I want it yesterday!"

“But we're not-"

“Last week!"

“Yessir!" He swiftly left and they could hear him shouting through the camp.

“Ok," the general drained his second glass, “then what did you do?" At least he wasn't raging at her any more.

“So it all seemed really creepy and I turned to leave after all but then I heard a clattering sound and the blue light appeared again."

The highest ranking officer of the Kaos Army did not look well. He said nothing, simply flapping his hand for her to carry on talking.

“I decided this was my chance to really find out just what was going on and I went down the steps... I mean, it was a mess down there, it really was. Shelves had fallen over, there were broken bottles of wine from the racks, and as we've discussed – no townsfolk. On the wall, in the wall... I don't know really, but where the brick wall was there was this amazing glowing blue circle," she waved her hands around trying to illustrate it, “the most magical thing I ever saw, just... there. I was drawn to it, couldn't help myself. Then my foot hit something." Sarah wrestled with her conscience for a fleeting moment. He didn't have to know she had the box. But withholding information and straight up lying were two very different things. This was for Raz, after all, not her. She reached inside her shirt and pulled the funny object from its hiding place, “my foot hit this. Then the blue swirly circle disappeared again." She held the box out.

His eyes rested upon it and he made a funny sort of strangled noise from his throat. He honestly looked as though he was in pain. Sarah hadn't been sure what to expect when the little metal box was finally revealed but the general having a medical emergency was pretty far down the list. She'd dreaded discovering it was just a piece of junk and had hoped that it was a powerful arcane artefact of unlimited power. Anar looked at it as though it had personally insulted him and he was going to punch its lights out.

He held out a grey hand and she passed it over. He turned it this way and that, muttering, “don't believe it, don't sodding believe it, when I get my hands on the incompetent sod who dropped this... it's been chewed to death by warg pups, probably malfunctions. No wonder the little green gits were running me ragged! Coming and going, vanishing into thin air. This," he held it up and waved it at Sarah who simply raised her eyebrows, “solves everything! When my boys got to the boundary stones, there were no dead goblins or wargs to be found. Just blood on the grass. The tunnels were full of greenskinned gits when we listened in and used the heat maps and when we went down there we saw only a handful. My scouts tracked footprints round the forest that came from nowhere and went to nowhere. And now this afternoon, all of a sudden, they're here and hanging around because they can't escape because they lost this..." he gave it another shake. It rattled. Probably broken inside.

The captain poked his head round the tent flap again, “sir, general, sir! The residents- they're-"

“Missing, yes. That's what the diversion was all about. They had one of these." He showed the captain the metal box and the captain swore. “We had our men on every corner, on every street. And they took them from the one place we couldn't go into."

“The tavern!" the orc grunted.

“That's right. Stay there, I'll be with you in a minute. Just one last thing to sort out with the civilian."

“Yessir!"

Sarah eyed the general warily as he approached her, still looking serious, “do you know what this is?" he demanded.

“No! I was hoping you could tell me!"

“Do you know what the blue circle was?"

“No! Magic? I'm clueless!"

“Good," he snapped. “Captain!"

The orc poked his head round yet again, looking a bit tired of it all now, “yessir?"

“Put her under house arrest. Now."

“But-" No! She'd told him everything! This wasn't how it was supposed to go! “I told the truth," she pleaded, resisting the orc officer futilely

“I know. I only said that I'd let Razitshakra come back. Nothing more."

What could she do? What could she say? The funny box was gone now and if she'd known how important it was she'd have bargained better. 'Information is key' the skaven with the glasses had said outside the mine. She wouldn't see any of them again. Wouldn't see the elf who made her sleepy, wouldn't see the scouts... she looked at the captain pleadingly, he had to decency to give a commiserating shrug. There was nothing she could do. No way of staying with them. She was just a civilian.

Wait a hecking minute! Gathering every ounce of her strength she violently yanked herself free of her escort and flung herself desperately at general Warlock, “I want to join the Kaos Army!" she wheezed, grabbing fistfuls of his jacket much to his amazement; “you take anyone! Raz kept telling me. Look I can – I can teach the orcs to count! That would be helpful, right?"

The captain reached for her but stopped as his superior held up a finger to stay him.

She continued, still wheezing, “you want humans to trust you? Enlist one! And I'm a woman too, how's that for diversity? Think of all the good it would do for your public relations! What do you say? You can boss me about all day, you can be as sarcastic and condescending as you want and oh boy are you ever sarcastic and condescending, I mean bloody hell..." she finally ran out of steam.

The corners of the general's mouth upturned to a semblance of a smile, “you'd do that for Razitshakra?"

“Yes," she panted, “she's my friend and I'm sorry I let her down." She blinked as tears stung at her eyes.

“Hmm I dunno, good soldiers follow orders and your track record's not so great," he sighed.

“If I don't behave you can feed me to the corporal!" she begged.

General Warlock's smile widened, “you're so lucky that we really do take anyone." A pause, “can you let go of my jacket now please?"

Sarah abruptly let go, smoothing the creases she'd left with an embarrassed grimace.

“Right, I've got butts to kick. Captain?" he nodded to the orc, turned around and he was gone.

Drukk looked at Sarah with amazement, “cor," he said, “he likes you! Last person to touch his jacket was seeing stars for a week." He followed his superior out into camp.

Sarah sighed, deeply. That had all been rather intense.

“Hello!" A familiar voice called.

“Razitshakra!" she squeezed her new best buddy tightly.

Raz held her pals cheeks playfully, “for a smart human you sure are stupid sometimes," she chirped.

"You mean the wandering off? Drinking those funny drinks? Thinking a pet of the General's could be normal?" she laughed.

“No! I mean you falling for the General's tricks of course! Sending me to corporal Rave? As if! Hook, line and bloody sinker mate."

Wait. What? She'd been tricked?! “you were nearly crying!" Sarah screeched.

“'Look sad', he said, 'I've got a plan', he said. Crikey mate, I thought I could chatter but you were unstoppable telling that little story of yours."

“He was furious! Of course I believed him, Raz!"

The orc gave her another nudge, “not at you he wasn't. Not really. He was just worried about you. Told ya – special treatment."

Sarah's head swam, “he was putting me under house arrest..."

“Pffft! Yeah, for about a day. Then he'd have turned up at your door and been all 'you know you could join us, right? Want a job?'. Failing that he'd have took you as his item of payment. He was going to have you come hell or high water is what I'm saying, mate."

There was only so much confusion she could take, “why?" she asked, weakly.

Raz gave her another nudge, “best ask him that yourself. All I know is you've got his luck. That's how you managed to find that missing pocket portal on your little solo adventure. If that had been anyone else we'd have been lunch or locked up. He's over the moon, you've done his job for him practically. This whole thing's gonna be sorted out by tonight now, just got to track down those missing people is all and bring them back."

The camp had grown quiet as the girls chatted inside the General's tent. Outside floodlamps switched on as the light grew dim in the late afternoon. A few gunshots still sounded out through the hills. Raz would be wishing that she could join them in their rounding up of the tiny terrors.

“Am I ever going to find out about what I saw?" Sarah asked wistfully.

The she-orc clapped her on the back, “course you are! You're one of us now. So the box you found was a 'pocket portal' and they summon the blue circle you saw which are 'inter-dimensional portals'. You can whizz all over the place with them, through alternate realities and everything. Very useful, very handy. For us. An absolute pain in the neck when anyone else gets their filthy mitts on them, which is what happened here. At some point in time, a pocket portal got dropped or left behind and it was picked up by these dumb goblins who have been zipping about all over the place with it. It's a very closely-guarded secret. That's why General Warlock was so hard on you; if you'd blabbed about what you'd seen to anyone else or worse still you had worked out what it was by yourself and told anyone, he'd have a hell of a job on his hands to track them all down and have their memories erased. That's another thing the big dragon can do. We only let others see the portals if we have no other choice. When we turned up here we made sure to come through out in the middle of the valley. Frightened a few sheep but that was about it."

Sarah was shocked, “erasing memories is a bit drastic, isn't it?"

Raz laughed, “all depends what world we go to really. This one's a bit... backward."

“Rude! There's nothing wrong with this... world? You go to other worlds?"

Her blonde ponytail bounced as she nodded, “all over the place, mate. Just you wait and see."

“Privates Trouble and Chatterbox?" the General's voice called from outside.

The girls emerged into the cold air, “you mean us?" the she-orc asked.

“Of course I bloody mean you! Get over here before I see sense." He was not his normal immaculate self; blood splatters covered his fancy jacket, mud covered his trousers below the knee and his hair was sticking up all over the place. He stood by a table piled high with clutter. “Because I haven't been stressed enough this past week, I've made the unthinkable decision to put you in charge of camp while all the men are out and I'm off supervising the rescue mission," he paused, rubbing his eyes wearily, “and that means that private Razitshakra needs to be armed." Reluctantly he handed the half-orc her weapon; a large black rifle like any other except it had vibrant pink nail varnish painted on the side with 'Bad Gurl' scrawled over in sharpie (because of course it did).

She shrieked with joy and hugged him tightly. He allowed himself a small smile, “just wait until I'm out of the way first before you go using it, ok?"

Sarah shifted on her feet. Defend the camp? What was she going to defend it with, that's what she'd like to know. Her sharp wit? And defend it from what?

“Hey, come here, you."

Instinctively she looked around, but of course he could only be talking to her. She approached him with caution after what had happened back at his tent. “I can't use one of those," she scoffed.

“You've got something better," he tipped his head at Destroyer who then groaned. “Behave!"

“Your nightmare doesn't like me."

His ears picked up, “oh? You know about nightmare's do you?" he asked with a sharp look.

Best not blame that on Razitshakra, “yeah, in my fantasy books," she lied.

He nodded, impressed. “Great. Well that saves me the trouble of telling you why you're so important to me, then."

Her mouth made an 'O' shape. She'd shot herself in the foot there, metaphorically speaking. “Not really," she back-pedalled, “I only know they change appearance," her voice squeaked, “because of magic." Because you're magic, she thought. I haven't forgotten that detail.

“That's right," he nodded, “they can change in the presence of magic..." he let his words hang in the air for a moment, “anyway, I hope you'll get along better now you understand one another. Don't worry, I'm not quite mental enough to just have two girls and a bad-tempered magic horse to watch over the place."

As if on cue, there was a flash of blue and the mysterious blue swirly circle of a portal appeared. Sarah held her breath; it still filled her with wonder. Two large armed and uniformed lizard-like creatures walked through. Raz saluted and gave Sarah a push to do the same.

“Corporal, lieutenant," the general nodded.

Oh no, Sarah thought, was this...?

Raz gulped.

“Watch this one, she's a handful," he continued and the shorter paler creature snorted.

“Mate, we've been babysitting you for the past twenty years. I think a single human's not going to pose much of a problem."

“Yeah, that's what I thought," he mumbled. “Sarah, this is lieutenant Rap."

Rap grinned and waved.

“And this is corporal Rave."

The taller darker dinosaur bared his sharp teeth, “I heard humans taste like bacon," he gave Sarah a hungry look, tongue licking at thin green lips.

“Last I heard, dinosaurs were all dead," she retorted, feeling quite proud of herself.

“Brilliant, well that's that sorted then. I'm off!" General Warlock pulled out the battered pocket portal, clicked it to summon another portal and vanished.

Typical, Sarah thought, wait all day for one portal and then two turn up at once!

“Well this is nice," Rap smiled, “why don't we make ourselves a cup of tea and find some biscuits?"

“I'll get some stuff out the tent," Raz offered, “grab some chairs."

Tea? Biscuits? “We've got a plan though, right?" Sarah asked as they wandered off, “there's always a plan in the army."

“Yeah, she's new all right," Rave gruffed, “how's this; we put our feet up and wait in comfort for trouble to come to us? Never fails."

“That's right. Trouble always finds us," Rap nodded.

“Did you really ask Big Ears if you could enlist or did he bribe you with something?"

“Big Ears?!" she didn't know what to say to that.

Rap tutted crossly, “he's just being disrespectful as usual. Behave yourself, dear!"

Destroyer ambled over to the group, “have you heard I've got another one to look after now?" he tossed his head at Sarah, rolling his eyes.

“Shut it, Dobbin!" Sarah hissed as the raptors sniggered.

Raz emerged with mugs, “who wants what? We got coffee, tea, biscuits, cake..." she clattered trays and sifted through packets.

“Give me everything you got, I'm starving! Missed out on dinner for this larking about," Rave grumbled.

Raz put her hands on her hips, “I think I've got extra meat up for grabs, let me check." She set the water to boil and headed back in the tent to the cold storage. She squealed.

In a flash, Rap and Rave grabbed their rifles and bolted off their chairs, “what is it?!"

Raz stood at the tent entrance holding a fluffy chubby warg puppy in her perfectly manicured hands, squishing it against her green cheek, “look what just waddled over to me! Who's a liddle widdle cutie poo? Yes you are! Isn't he lovely?"

“Adorable," Rave snarled, “now let me shoot it!"

They all objected at once – 'you monster!', 'how can you even think of such a thing?', 'you can't shoot puppies!'

“Gah, bunch of pansies," he complained, “I never get to shoot anything." He grumbled some more but all attention was on Razitshakra's new friend.

“I'll call him Trouble because he found us, yes you did! Who's a clever boy? I think you're a boy anyway, not gonna have a poke to find out."

They sat on the rickety plastic chairs and drank warm drinks and ate the supplies from lunchtime as Trouble rolled round in the dirt and tried to bite their boots, proving himself to be the best kind of entertainment while yapping loudly at Destroyer who swished his tail at him, bowling him over.

“Anar's been ages, what's he up to? I hope he doesn't need rescuing from his rescue mission... again."

“Oh?" Sarah asked Rap, “happen often does it?"

But before she could get an answer, the sound of howling filled the air.

“There we go!" Rave cheered, “something to shoot at. Finally!"

“And me, and me!" Raz grabbed her weapon.

Rave was not happy, “who sodding gave you that back? I'll murder that aardvark!"

“Are they heading here?" Sarah asked, a little panicky, “what are we going to do?"

“They're only wargs and goblins. No need to be dramatic," Rap reassured her. “We've got plenty of ammo and the rest of the boys should be back any minute now."

“You want me to take a look?" Destroyer offered, spreading his wings.

Rap took a double glance, “wait, I thought-?"

The nightmare tossed his head towards Sarah.

“Ohhh! Now it all makes sense! Yeah, yeah, go take a peek for us."

Rave started grumbling again. He shot Sarah dirty glances.

What? What did she do?

Destroyer flew off and circled around.

“What can you see?"

“I'll give you three guesses," he bellowed in reply.

“Sure sure, but how many?"

“Enough to be a bother if the rest of our guys don't turn up soon!"

Rave and Raz assured Rap that they were they were good for a scrap and no filthy goblins were going to make a mess of their camp.

Pairs of yellow eyes appeared in the gloom.

“We keeping a kill count?" Rave asked, “loser buys drinks?"

“Hey that's not fair," Sarah objected, “I'm unarmed. Or do Destroyers kills count for me? When he gets his big butt back down, that is. Come on, Dobbin!"

“Sure, whatever. Won't beat me," Rave scoffed.

“Stick together, you know the drill. We got any extra ammo, private?"

“I don't bleeding know-"

“Not you! Private Razitshakra," Rap tutted.

She waved a couple of boxes, “loads! Oooh I'm so excited."

“Just watch my foot this time, yeah?" Rave snarled.

“Yes sir, I'm very sorry I nearly shot you that one time sir," the she-orc squeaked.

Destroyer trotted to Sarah and gave a grunt. Oh, do I have to sit on your back? She thought, can't I just go hide somewhere? She dragged a crate and awkwardly clambered on, hoping no-one was watching her ungraceful leg waving. With a sigh the nightmare gave her a nudge with his muzzle, settling her in place.

It wasn't really a great battle like she read about in her books. The wargs and goblins were no match with their teeth and blades against a semi-automatic rifle. They picked them off with ease and she felt a bit silly at having such anxiety about it. After all, these were trained soldiers who were used to combat and a really thrilling battle needed an element of danger; enemies in great number, limited weapons or none at all, zombies, dragons or even evil wizards.

What they had to make their evening more exciting was a portal full of unarmed civilians walking straight into a bunch of wargs.

“Aw, shit!" summed it up nicely.

The poor town residents just about soiled themselves and began to scatter through the camp.

“I see Big Ears' rescue mission worked. Pity they're going to get eaten!"

Rap tried to call the poor humans and get them to come to them but to be fair a pair of great toothy dinosaurs probably didn't look any safer than the goblins, uniform or no.

The Kaos Army soldiers (and one fresh recruit holding on for dear life) moved out into the scene of bedlam. Poor townsfolk ran about the floodlit camp, shrieking, as hungry wargs bound after them and goblins chittered happily for new squishy toys to play with.

“Stand still for goodness sakes!" it wasn't easy shooting when there were people in the way.

Tents collapsed. Tables overturned. Boxes and supplies were strewn all about the place as big wolf paws swiped about and swords were slashed. Some of the now riderless wargs found the food and started fighting over it, trashing the white tent with a clatter of poles. Trouble the puppy was nowhere to be seen and in between shooting at goblins, Razitshakra could be heard calling for him futilely. Blood-curdling cries filled the air every time a poor innocent member of the public was snagged by claws or cut by blades and Rap was still trying to convince them that the big lizards were good guys really and please would you just listen to him and stop running? Really now, this was getting quite frustrating.

Sarah's ears rang with the shouts and the gunshots and the growls and the clanging of more tent poles as they surrendered to gravity and calls of 'Trouble! Come to mummy!'. Slowly but surely though, they dealt with enough goblins that the rest turned tail and fled back to the hills where, just as luck would have it, the soldiers that had been out earlier were coming back. It took mere moments to finish them off.

Sarah did her best to reassure her townspeople that everything was fine, the medics would be back any moment to tend to their wounds and they'd soon be back in their nice warm safe houses. She thought it best not to mention that she was riding the general's enchanted steed nor that she'd managed to get herself enlisted. They'd probably been through enough today as it was.

Raz was still wandering around looking for Trouble and the raptors were chatting to the soldiers who had arrived back at camp with plenty of stories to tell. Until the general turned up there wasn't much she could do, really, so she hopped off Destroyer and rummaged through the ruins of the refreshment tent for some supplies to make everyone a nice hot drink. The aroma of coffee broke through the sharp metallic tang of blood that filled the nostrils from the pile of dead wargs and goblins that corporal Rave was now kicking together, grumbling crossly as usual, “lost bloody count thanks to those idiots running about!"

Rap led the injured to the medic van which, being made out of solid metal, was one of the few things still standing intact.

Then finally the not-so magical blue light flashed once more as the rescue team came back home led by the funny looking grey superior officer that Sarah now knew was an aardvark and nothing to do with rabbits at all. She was so glad she'd never mentioned that. He probably got misidentified all the time.

General Warlock stopped dead. He looked around at the carnage that used to be their camp. His flag pole had been broken and the Kaos Army emblem was now flying at a rather jaunty angle. He looked at the line of injuries waiting to be tended to by the medics that were opening up the hospital area.

“Maaaate," Rap hurried over quickly, putting on a brave smile, “it's good to have you back."

“Hnnnng," Anar croaked.

“Now, I know what you're thinking and -yes, it is a bit of a mess and yes, some of the civilians did get messed up a bit but... no fatalities, yeah?"

“Hrrrrrr." He was growling now.

“So Rave and I will just be off now, all right?"

He grabbed at his friends as they attempted to slip away, “what part of 'take care of camp' did you not understand?!" general Warlock raged, giving them a shake for good measure, “look at it! Just look! It's a total bloody shambles! And what happened to them?" he demanded, meaning the patients at the medic van who were being bandaged up and given Tetanus shots for warg bites, “they were in one piece when we left them. 'Oh, I'll send them back to camp' I thought, 'they'll be safe there' I thought!"

Rap held up a claw, “we may have had some trouble with warg riders," Rap explained, “everything was going fine until your humans turned up and started running all over the place. Honest, mate."

“It's the truth, Big Ea- sir!" Rave nodded, not wanting to push his luck.

He released his grip, clearly having had enough bullshit for one day, “You're not going anywhere til you've helped clean this place up. I need coffee." He walked to what was left of the white tent and Sarah handed him a large black coffee. He nodded gratefully and went to sit down on one of the surviving chairs. A hairy football bit his ankle, “what the?!" he held up Trouble who wagged his stubby tail.

“Trouble!" Raz cried, scooping him up eagerly.

“Is this supposed to be here?" Anar demanded.

“He found us, sir! Look how cute he is..."

The general rubbed his punctured ankle, “cute, yeah, sure."

The she-orc gave her commanding officer big pleading eyes, “please, sir..."

“Trouble, you say? Very fitting."

“Lieutenant Rap said 'trouble always finds us'."

“He's not wrong!"

Sarah fussed the puppy's fluffy ears and he yawned, cutely.

The general sighed; “I'm not dealing with this, I've got enough going on. Bloody goblins. Bloody portals." he sipped his coffee.

“I think that means you can keep him," Sarah hissed.

Raz placed the snoozing warglet in a food crate lined with her overshirt as the citizens were assembled ready to leave and the soldiers tried to put the camp back to some semblance of normality.

“I'm so glad today's over with. I can only hope my bed is still intact," the general grumbled. A blue flash lit up the camp and another portal appeared, “oh what now?"

Sarah watched as another tall lizard walked into camp. She'd never seen the general move so fast; he bolted upright and practically fell forward to greet the strange visitor while urgently tidying himself up, “good evening, sir! What a pleasant surprise," he lied.

The lizard wasn't wearing a Kaos Army uniform. Instead he had a black leather jacket over his shiny iridescent scales, dark indigo jeans and... sunglasses? What was that all about? And were those... wings?! How did that work with a coat?? Wait a goddam minute...

Officers scrambled to arrange their men into tidy lines and Sarah found herself being pulled by her friend into one of them, “is that the dragon?" she whispered in awe.

“Yes! Shush! Or the corporal will have you for breakfast. Salute!"

The dragon leader of the Kaos Army greeted the shocked civilians, slid off his shades, blinked a few times and then sent them off on their merry way with far away dreamy expressions on their faces.They clearly wouldn't remember much of what had happened today.

General Warlock was still doing his best to pretend he wasn't having a complete mental breakdown and that this surprise visit was no bother at all, really, it was a pleasure to have the dragon here while the place looked like an absolute tip and he was on the verge of keeling over from exhaustion. He followed the dragon's heels as he strode along the line, nodding at his saluting men until he reached Sarah. He reached for his glasses.

“This is our newest recruit!" Anar squeaked before her memory could be erased.

He settled them back on his snout. “I see. You never cease to amaze me, general. Sometimes that's a good thing. A human female. Very diverse."

“That's what I said!" Sarah blurted. Oh, oops, shouldn't have done that. She'd never seen a real dragon before neither and to be honest, now that she had, she wasn't so sure it was all it was cracked up to be. He was rather terrifying.

He peered at her intensely. She fidgeted. Was she in trouble for speaking out? He turned to the general and said something in his long grey ear. The aardvark nodded.

“Lovely to meet you!" The dragon grinned, showing off his lovely sharp fangs. “Can't wait to have you back at headquarters with us. So much to do, so little time to do it. Splendid." And he carried on down the line. The general gave her an apologetic look as he passed, still following his boss loyally. “Ok well, that's that then, glad you got this all sorted out in the end. Good job on finding that pocket portal, general, could have been very tricky if you hadn't. I'll see you in my office bright and early."

“Yes, sir. Very good, sir," the general said in quite a final tone.

Now that he had disrupted things to a satisfying degree the dragon turned to leave, taking the corporal and lieutenant with him through another portal.

Officers started barking orders again and the soldiers went back to putting up tents and clearing away clutter. The general approached Sarah and tilted his head indicating that Raz could clear off. “Dragons!" he huffed, “they have such impeccable timing. Couldn't have waited til morning, oh no... anyway, I was going to invite you into my quarters for a bit of a chat, but, er, well. Closed for maintenance. It's all been a bit crazy the past few days, hasn't it?"

What were you going to chat to me about? She thought. You're dead on your feet. “Crazy is a good word," she agreed.

He tugged at his jacket awkwardly, “I suppose private Razitshakra told you that I wanted you to join us," he said slowly, gaze averted.

“Yeah. You tricked me."

He looked wretched, “it seemed like a good idea at the time. You do have a knack for getting into mischief. And getting out of it again. I mean, it's not surprising really, seeing as you're like me and everything. Anyway, what I really wanted to say was I'm sorry I've been so difficult. I'm not always a grumpy mess. And thank you for finding the pocket portal. I do hope you've enjoyed seeing your blue swirly circle again," he smiled sheepishly. “I don't suppose..."

“what?'

“Nothing. Doesn't matter. I'll just er... go and find a bin to pass out in or something."

Sarah sighed. “I have a couch you can sleep on if you'd like."

His ears perked up, “could I?" his smile widened a little. “I'll be no bother. I mean I do snore, what with these nostrils and everything..."

“It's fine. Raz kept nudging me and telling me you had a soft spot for me. I mean, of all the crazy things I've seen and done, what's an aardvark on the sofa?"

They walked back to her house, leaving the hustle and bustle behind them as the stars shone brightly. No soldiers were stationed on the street corners, no skaven were posted at the town walls and absolutely no howling could be heard from the hills or the valley. Window lights spilt soft pools onto the roads and the general remarked that things would be changing soon now that they had brought electricity with them for street lighting and home heating. Soon there would be vehicles parked up everywhere and the world would be much smaller than it was before, but he promised Sarah that there was a whole new world that he could show her and a whole new set of universes to go with it. If she liked what was in her books back home then she was going to love the story that they could write together.