FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

“Did you hear we've got goblin prisoners in the town cells? Apparently we're using a new and unusual torture device – the General's telling 'em his jokes!"

A smatter of amusement rippled through the soldiers. Sarah looked puzzled but Raz just shook her head.

“If I wanted to get info out of em, I'd send the corporal in there with his swagger stick." This was met with sharp intakes of breath and 'oooh nasty!' and a few orcs began showing off their marks left behind from previous run-ins with the infamous dinosaur officer.

“Listen guys, torture is pretty awful, we shouldn't be joking about it," one of the orcs at the table rumbled solemnly, “however, if it was up to me I'd make em talk by feeding em sandwiches from lunchtime!"

Raz exploded in faux outrage, threatening to make meals out of anyone rude enough to diss her culinary skills, shrieking louder than normal as her ponytail wagged to and fro. She slapped playfully at her antagonists and they laughed as her hands smacked uselessly at their solid frames. Any minute now one of them would grab back at her and have her full attention.

Time moved on and Sarah sighed as she watched the light fading and knew she was headed home to be on her own once more. Even Spud's company wasn't a given. “Do you think the wargs will come back tonight?" she asked loudly in a shameless attempt to get her friend to take notice of her. It was a genuine question. She didn't fancy having to go down to the cellar again; they were lucky it was all over so quick last night but next time could be very different.

The jokey orcs answered instead; “I sure hope so! I need to beat the captain's kill count or I owe him a months credits."

“When will you learn not to make bets with him? You've not collected any pay since Christmas!"

Raz looked over from the lap she was currently occupying, “you're not afraid of the smelly old flea-bags are ya mate?" she laughed.

Sarah shifted uneasily, “no no 'course not, bloody great wolves with claws like breadknives, what's to be scared of?" she said sarcastically.

“Exactly," Raz grinned oblivious, “I could take one on with a nail file. Mind you," she added a little more seriously, “there's never just the one, there's flippin dozens of them. And they have little green gits on their backs..."

Thanks for making me feel so much better, Sarah thought bitterly. She drained her glass of wine quickly.

“Nothing to be scared of when you got one of these," an orc patted his handgun holstered by his thick corded green belt.

“Yes well I don't. Obviously," she muttered, “I work in a nursery; scariest things I have to deal with are over-protective parents!"

A passing elf announced it was dinnertime and hungry soldiers wasted no time finishing their pints before filing back to the meadow eager to tear into some meal pouches and fight over the best ones. Raz scooped up her dice and said goodbye to her friend; “don't be scared of those wargs mate, they need to be scared of us," she winked, “see ya in the morning."

Sarah didn't want to be left alone. She was beginning to get used to having orcs for company, they could be rather funny and had interesting things to say. “You're not coming back?"

“Nah mate, no drinks after sun down. Well, only at camp, yeah? You could come with us if you like..." her shrill voice trailed off hopefully.

For a moment, she almost agreed. But it wasn't right, was it? A human civilian hanging around other races in a military setting. She shook her head and made her way quickly down the town street.

A familiar rumble approached. The jeep stopped with a squeak. “where are you going on your own?" the General asked tersely, “there's a goblin invasion going on if you hadn't noticed. Get in!"

Oh no, I've had too many free drinks for this, she thought as she reluctantly clambered in (noting the reappearance of the funny bright Monster Energy cylinders in the footwell) the funny animal slash human looked right at her which she wasn't quite prepared for and she leaned back defensively. Was she in trouble again?

“I don't suppose you've even got anything on you to defend yourself with?" he tutted, grinding a gear and roaring off.

“No," Sarah sighed as wheels spun.

“You have anyone with you at home?"

“No," she sighed again, “unless you count the cat. He could do some damage if I didn't feed him I suppose."

“That's great," the General said through gritted teeth, “walking home alone when it's almost dark and not bringing any kind of weapon with you and you're all on your own. Brilliant. Amazing. Something's going to have you for a snack and where does that leave me? Not enough headache pills in the multiverse!" he groaned, “can you imagine? Oh it'll all be my fault..."

“You didn't have to bring her along!" Sarah snapped knowing full well he was talking about her half-orc friend, “she runs reception doesn't she?"

He ran a hand through his grey sweep of soft hair, “no point having her there when I can't take on any more contracts - I've got everyone out all over the place! I'm running wars in five-" he caught himself and stopped. “I'm very busy, is what I'm trying to say and when I'm busy, everyone's busy. Even Razitshakra!" He calmed a little, patting the steering wheel.

Raz is going to tease me about riding in his jeep again, she thought, no-one gets to ride in the General's jeep. The orc who had taken it without permission had been sent back to corporal Rave for suitable punishment and from what little Sarah had learned of the velociraptor that orc was not in for a good time. As he drove she got a better look at the top officer. His jacket was very nice; black with red trim and lots of coloured squares on the chest pocket. Big gold pads on the shoulders too with metal stars stuck on. A black shirt beneath; the only guy to wear a black shirt in fact. If it wasn't for his funny head he'd be a very attractive man. The fountain whizzed by again; “are you giving me a tour of the town?" she asked snippily.

“Well I figure one of these houses must be yours and seeing as you're not talking to me I'll just keep going til you tell me otherwise."

“Take a right. I'm down there at the end."

“Now we're getting somewhere," he yanked on the wheel and they skidded, bumping a curb.

He's showing off. They're all a bunch of big kids! He was posing at the tent earlier, leaning on that pole smugly and giving her that easy-eye look. Add in the sulking for good measure and you had the whole emotional spectrum for a four year old. All he had to do now was take a grump nap.

“Here-" he suddenly reached over, taking his eyes off the road and getting his long ears in Sarah's face while flipping open the passenger dash compartment “take a walkie-talkie just in case, Ok?" he dropped it in her lap and came to a sudden stop outside her house, the vehicle emitting pained metallic squeaks. “I'm on channel one if you need me, got it? Turn the twisty knob..."

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks," she gave it a click as she climbed out onto trusty ground. The box fizzed.

“I'll see you here in the morning," he said sternly as the headlamps flickered into life.

Was there actually any point arguing? He was very clearly used to getting his own way and being in charge of everyone and everything. Civilians included. She tried anyway, “I'll be fine," she insisted weakly.

“Sure you will. See you at eight!" He drove off just as recklessly as he had arrived.

Sarah unlocked the door and walked inside. Christ this silence is bloody oppressive, she thought. I used to love silence; couldn't get enough of it. That's what working with toddlers got you. But now... I could have gone with the others. I should have gone with the others. It's my own fault I'm stuck here with a disloyal cat. Or I could have gone with Raz and played more dice and eaten dinner out of those plastic bags they have with the magic heaters that work by adding water. How did that even work? Instead I've got beans on toast and a sense of impending doom brought about by goblins riding wolves. Even a grumpy general would have done for company. Maybe he wasn't so bad tempered when you got to know him. Or he was a colossal git. Who knew? She didn't. She ate her food in complete quiet and sat on the big chair with the blanket over her reading, also in complete quiet. Always one ear waiting for that flipping howling. She gave up after a few chapters. Her fantasy books always had the orcs as the bad guys and the elves as the good guys but now she'd seen them working together it didn't seem right. Anyone could be a good guy, they just had to do good things. She picked up her book about angels and demons instead; you knew where you stood with those! Whoever heard of a demon doing something good or helpful? Or being nice? Exactly.

She woke in the early hours still under the blanket and still on the big chair. Her book had fallen on the floor. She listened out for any noises just in case she'd been woken by wargs and there would be a bang at her door any second to take her to the tavern cellar. But no. The army were clearly working very hard to keep trouble out of the town and they were succeeding. All the action was taking place out in the hills, along the borders, deep in the mine or within the forest. It was either too early or too late to go back to sleep, Sarah wasn't sure which so after taking a bath and getting changed she made a drink and had some leftovers from the larder while waiting for that rumble and squeak to come down the road.

The general looked agitated as he waited for her to lock the door and slip onto the passenger seat. She asked what was up but merely got a 'nothing' in reply which was a bare-faced lie and he knew it. “Have you got your walkie-talkie?" he asked, setting off at an almost reasonable speed.

“Sure," she patted her bag that she'd slung over her shoulder.

“Good."

The soldiers on the wall were all stood very still, their rifles at the ready. Something had happened in the night. It must have done. Maybe she had been woken by a disturbance after all. “This is so weird," she said at last, “I never thought anything like this would happen here. Nothing ever happens here. I hadn't even seen a real orc or elf or skaven or..." or whatever you are, she thought but didn't say aloud.

“It's not just here," he grunted, turning to the meadow, “goblins are causing trouble everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. I don't know if I'm coming or going. All I need now is some magic-using bastard to turn up and really ruin my day."

“Are... are you going to tell me that magic is a thing too?" she asked quietly.

He drove through the gate, waving to the three elves who saluted. “I'm not telling you anything, you're just a civilian."

Ouch. Okay. Suit yourself. One more mark to the 'asshole' personality trait.

He stopped the jeep and swung round to face her, his snout coming close enough she could see tiny hairs in his nostrils, “will you do me a favour?"

A favour? Talk to me like dirt and ask stuff of me, huh? Is that how you roll?

He didn't give her chance to give him a sharp reply, “I'm going to be out of the county for most of today. I want you to stay with Razitshakra until I get back. Do not go anywhere without her, do you understand me? I've made arrangements for you to do your coffee round safely and if you could make my lunch as an immediate priority I would very much appreciate it."

She nodded. War was complicated but lunch was easy.

The general swung out of the jeep and trotted off down the centre aisle of the neat little tent lines to his black one with the flag still flapping outside, quickly flanked by some of the higher ranking soldiers all vying for his attention and being waved away impatiently.

Outside the white tent was Raz, hands on hips, ready to comment on Sarah's great privilege at riding around with top brass again. Her eyes were then drawn to what was standing next to her she-orc pal.

A huge black horse; proud, noble, sleek-coated and long-maned, a real beauty with a head held high; bright eyed and swishy tailed. Sarah felt she was a little girl all over again as she hurried to give him nose rubs and pats.

“Oh Raz, isn't he lovely? What a cutie! Hello boy, who's a good boy?"

“He's a nightmare," she stated flatly.

“No! He's lovely, aren't you? What did the rude she-orc say about you?"

“I'd watch myself with him if I were you, mate. That's the general's horse, that is."

A big black iris swivelled to look at her and Sarah paused, taking a wary step back, “of course you are," she blinked, “you even look a bit like him." Grumpy. The animal snorted loudly. She quickly stopped fussing over the great brute and made the general's lunch as requested. Wasn't it strange how some animals were only animals and then some animals, like the general, were walking talking animals who looked a bit human? How did that happen?

She stepped outside with his brown paper bag to find him standing by the horse dressed rather differently than before; he had a long-sleeved thick shirt on with the funny greeny brown pattern that Drukk had told her was 'camouflage' and matching trousers with old brown boots. Around his broad chest was a black canvas strap assembly clearly for holding something. On his head was a peaked cap. He looked strange with his hair tucked away.

“This is Destroyer," he rubbed the horse's nose, “and he's going to be your companion today while you make your stops." The animal pressed his velvet muzzle into the general's grey hand affectionately.

Raz's eyes bulged but she said nothing.

“Oh, right. Er, ok then. I like horses," she wasn't sure that this one in particular liked her though. It was giving her that evil eye again.

“I've had some of the lads assemble a tray-carrier for you," he passed it over. “It just clips on like so," he reached round her waist and she looked away as his eyes gazed into hers. “There. Lovely. I told you I'd get you around quicker. Heh," he gave a small laugh, “bet you never saw any of this coming when we came rolling into your little town did you honey?"

Sarah blushed, was he flirting now? This guy must just spin a wheel to decide what mood he was using this half-hour.

“Well, off you go then," he gestured to the horses back.

“Saddle? Bridle?" Sarah asked as it was obvious she couldn't go anywhere without one.

The horse stamped a dinner-plate sized hoof and she swore the ground shook.

“No saddle!" the general said quickly, “and no bridle. Doesn't need one, he knows where he's going. You're safe as houses on Destroyer. He'll look after you."

The horse blew loudly again and tossed his head.

“Sure," Sarah said unconvinced. Who named their horse Destroyer for crying out loud?

Raz was beside herself as he left, “you get to ride his horse? No one even gets to touch his friggin horse! Ohhh he likes you, yes he does! Jeep, horse, playing taxi..." she gave her human friend a nudge and a grin.

“What? I didn't ask for any special treatment. I hate that sodding jeep with a vengeance I'll have you know; he only shows off in it and I'm covered in bruises! Honestly mate I've no idea what's going on but I do know that if I set off into the fields on this-" she jabbed a thumb at Destroyer, “there's a good chance I'll end up on my arse or in the middle of nowhere. I'll take that walkie talkie he gave me too," Raz rolled her eyes as she slipped her bag over her shoulder as if to say 'you get one of those too?', “if I do fall off I'm gonna need it, I'll never get back on without a milkcrate; he's massive!"

“The general just jumps..."

“Yes well, he's half rabbit or something."

This made Raz laugh; “half rabbit! Ohh you'll have to tell him that."

Sarah eyed the distance between the ground and Destroyer's back. It had been a number of years since she'd had a ride on a pony and the last one had been barely taller than her. “I won't be telling him anything for a while. He says he's out of not just the town but the whole county."

“Oh yeah, pressures on him big time from what I've heard. Well it's to be expected when people like us are protecting humans. Lots of distrust around. That's why he's here – normally the general doesn't turn up to little things like goblin invasions, he stays back at base. 'Here's the plan, call me if you need me, bye-bye' and he puts his feet up at headquarters but some of your human bigwigs are giving him a hard time thinking he's behind it all which is ridiculous."

Sarah nodded, remembering the conversation back at the tavern. No one trusted the Kaos Army completely.

“You don't think that, though, do you?" she asked, uncharacteristically serious all of a sudden.

“No! Of course not," Sarah squeaked back. Well...

“If we says we're fighting for you, then we're fighting for you. We've had contracts where one week we're fighting the ones we were protecting week before but you know.. wouldn't be the Kaos Army without a bit of chaos, would we? That's what the big dragon says anyway.

Sarah paused, “big... big dragon?" She'd never seen one of those before neither.

Raz's ponytail swished as she busied herself with drinks, “yeah, our big boss is a dragon. Don't see him much of course. Too high and mighty for the likes of us!" she laughed hollowly.

Huh. In books, dragons sat on hoards of treasure, they didn't run military organisations. Learn something new everyday. “Well I'm off on Dobbin, I'll see you later. Wish me luck."

“Watch what you say around him, mate, he understands every word," Raz advised as Sarah climbed on Destroyer's back from a supplies box.

“Sure he does," she sighed sceptically, “come on you. Let's get lost out in the woods or something shall we?" she turned to Raz, “if I'm not back in an hour send a search party." She was only half joking. She tried to dig her heels in to gee him up but he swung round his massive black head and bared his teeth. Great, she didn't get to control the speed neither without losing her toes. They trotted out of the camp with Sarah bouncing most ungracefully and cursing under her breath. “Just my luck to get to ride a horse again and I get you," she hissed, “couldn't be a sweet little pony, oh no, the general's got to have a big stubborn bugger the size of a house. I feel travel sick already."

Once they were out in the open they reached a full gallop and, as the general had promised, Destroyer headed in the right direction.

Bahl the skaven was not alone today. He had a small group of armed orcs with him, sat on the grass playing snap noisily. He was scribbling in his field journal again as he squeaked, “good morning! On the general's horse today I see?"

“Yes. I can do the round quicker and it keeps me safe I suppose." Sarah explained.

He raised a whiskery eyebrow, “safe from the goblins? I'd take them over that beast any day."

Destroyer rumbled and dug his hoof in the ground. Maybe he did understand what people said, she thought. She handed him his drink from her tray and nodded to the card-playing soldiers, “how come you've got company today?" she asked.

“Just a precautionary measure. Now we have prisoners to interrogate the enemy are stepping up their activity a bit, even coming out in broad daylight and I can't keep my eyes out on the hills and listen in to the tunnels at the same time. There's a lot of intel in here," he tapped his book, “and information is key. Don't want them getting ther filthy mitts on it."

“I'm safe then, I know nothing," Sarah said. Great. He gets an armed guard, I get a bad tempered horse.

It was quite pleasant cantering through the buttercups until the howling started. It was that sort of mournful noise that just turned your bones into jelly and set off primal defence mechanisms. They're just big wolves, she thought, that's all. Fleabags as Raz had said so flippantly. We can outrun them if we need to but... oh boy I hope we don't have to. Destroyer skidded as they came close to the county boundary marked with massive painted boulders. He stopped and sniffed the air. Sarah dared to dig her heels in again no matter the cost, “don't stop now you daft creature! What? You need the toilet or something?!" Bahl was far behind, the forest was way ahead. They were exposed in the middle of the fields. “Come on, Dobbin!" Still the mad howling rang round them. Black velvet ears twitched as Destroyer shook his head and grunted while Sarah pleaded with him to just get a sodding move on.

A low growl came from the old stones. Ohhh shit. No. No, come on. Sarah's heart hammered and her throat went dry. Normally horses bolted at their own shadows, why did this one have to be bloody curious? To add to her long list of things Sarah had never actually seen; a warg slinked out from the long grass, a small squat green goblin sat atop it holding a big curved blade. Then another warg and rider appeared. And another... Increased presence during daylight hours, Bahl had said. Just my bloody luck!

“Get on you stupid horse, run!" she yelled, flapping her feet uselessly.

The great black horse swung his head around again and his eyes flashed, “I run from nothing!" he bellowed turning to face the enemy and letting out a horrendous roar. He reared, forcing Sarah to grab at his thick muscular neck, her mind reeling after being shouted at by an animal that shouldn't be able to say anything other than 'neigh'. Clinging on for dear life she once again swore that this would be her last day at the army camp if she made it out alive. Destroyers hooves thudded down, bringing with them pained yelps and the crack of bone. A curious darkness fell around her and a wind whipped up, forcing her to close her eyes and concentrate on staying atop the broad back; falling off now was simply unthinkable, she'd be as dead as a doornail. Still the stallion reared and crashed, tossing his head like a battleaxe and with frantic glimpses into the combat happening around her she could see blood all over the general's horse's muzzle. Oh hell no, don't die on me, I've already been in trouble with him once! Skinny green bodies were sent flying and wargs limped off clearly injured. Should stick a uniform on you, she thought. Officer material clearly. About as bright as one, too. As Destroyer's head swung round again, she saw something that absolutely one hundred percent had not been there before; a horn on the end of his nose. Not a unicorn's (you guessed it; she'd never actually seen one of those neither) rather more like a rhino from the encyclopedia she had back at home. It was stabbing at everything in sight. That was where the blood was coming from; Destroyer was fine. Well thank goodness for small mercies. If anything happened to his horse the general would be unbearably grumpy. How could a horse suddenly grow a horn? What was going on? One more sickening thud of hoof meeting spine and the last goblin lay very still and unmoving in the mud that had been kicked up by Destroyers attacks. Sunlight broke through again and Sarah realised that the big shadow that had fallen on her was from a pair of leathery wings now curiously vanishing into Destroyer's shoulder blades. The horse panted and sweated, flanks quivering from all the rearing and falling he had done. Sarah's pulse raced and her hands trembled as she still clutched at fistfuls of long mane. It took a moment for her to compose herself enough to even breath normally. The horse had grown wings and a horn. The horse had spoken to her. This was either the most exciting day of her life or the slippery slope into incurable insanity. She looked down at him again. He looked ordinary and uninteresting once more but she knew what she'd seen and heard. Would anyone believe her? She doubted it.

Around them lay the mangled corpses of ex goblins and wargs and a few coffee cups that unsurprisingly hadn't survived the assault and were now spilled out on the ground. With shaky hands she opened her bag and stumblingly pulled out the walkie talkie. General Warfare had said channel one, right? But he wasn't at camp. Would he even answer? She hoped someone would. It clicked onto the channel and fizzed.

“Yes?" snapped a familiar voice, “what is it? Answer or I'll assume you've died on me."

Her head swam. “Er, um, you see..."

“Oh for heaven's sake! We've been through this – name, rank, position! I haven't got all day."

“Sarah, coffee girl, boundary stones!" she blurted.

There was a pause. The voice came back softer and more patient, “are you ok? What happened?"

She tried to force the words, “there were wargs and goblins. We fought them- well I didn't but, but Destroyer did, there's dead goblins everywhere! I don't know what to do..." she almost felt tears welling up.

“Are you hurt? Do you need a medic?"

She patted herself down just in case, “I'm fine. Well I'm not... but I'm not injured," she wobbled. “The coffee! It went everywhere-"

“Sod the coffee. Get yourself back to Razitshakra. I'll have a team check out the boundary stones."

“Look general, this horse of yours, it's been acting weird-" that was an understatement.

“Yeah he's a goofball all right. Over and out." The static resumed.

Destroyer began walking slowly back to camp. “Goofball?!" Sarah exclaimed, ramming the walkie talkie back into her bag, “he's a goddamn menace. Look at the mess!"

“Thank you for saving me from the nasty armed goblins, Destroyer. Please take me back to camp, Destroyer," the horse grumbled, hooves thudding in a sulk.

You can talk! I wasn't having stress-induced auditory hallucinations, she thought. “Christ, you even sound like the general, behave or I'll call you Dobbin again."

When the stones were far behind them the sky lit up with a bright blue flash and Sarah spun round, not wanting any more excitement today thank you very much. “What was that?" she demanded.

“Don't worry about it, look we're almost back to safety now," the horse nodded to the flying flag in the distance.

That wasn't suspicious at all was it? Weird shit happens = 'nothing to see here!' Blue flashes in the sky? Must be a Tuesday. She tried to coax a little more out from her travelling companion, “I thought maybe it was magic. The general doesn't like magic, does he? Says it's bad times when a magic-user turns up."

Destroyer tossed his mane, “master Anar has a complicated relationship with magic, it's true," he rumbled.

Master Anar? So grumpy Mr. General had a name. She'd remember that. Information is key as Bahl the skaven said. And magic... was it, could it be real? Oh the books that lay on her shelves back home described it in so many ways, it could do so many things. But they were works of fiction for a reason.

The more she thought about what she'd seen and heard, the more questions she had; where was the Kaos Army headquarters exactly? Nobody knew. What exactly was the general? Nobody knew that neither, Raz had laughed at half-rabbit, but what else had long ears like that? Why was a dragon winning wars? Completely clueless. They had guns and vehicles, things that had never been seen before, almost as though they were from another world. Another time. Maybe both. Why had they come here trying to curry favour with humans? And now magic was suddenly a thing that existed and big blue flashes of light in the sky in the middle of the morning were nothing of note. This beast known as Destroyer was the last straw too! Why hadn't the general told her he could talk and scrap with the best of them? Sure, she wouldn't have believed a word but at least she'd have been prepared for wacky hijinks. How can I go home after this? Who knows what wonderful things I could see tomorrow? What danger I could be put in because no-one wants to communicate properly? It's like a story from my books but it's actually real! She thought.

A rat major greeted her at the rear camp entrance, “general Warlock told us there was an incident at the boundary stones. We've sent a clean up crew to sort it out. Can you tell me where they came from? How many you saw? Did any of them escape? If so, where did they go?"

Her mouth flapped, that many questions at a time shouldn't be allowed! Her brain was scrambled as it was. She made an attempt at an answer and Destroyer nodded along. She was itching to mention the blue light; “there was a flash of blue light in the sky," she said firmly.

“Oh yes, very good. Why don't you have a nice cup of tea and a sit down?" he walked off, barking orders importantly.

Sarah slid off destroyer's back and was grateful to be back on her own two feet. She unclipped the coffee tray from round her waist and carried it to the familiar white tent.

News of their field adventure had travelled and Razitshakra was not happy, “it's not fair!" she wailed, “I have to stay at the tent while you get to kill goblins! I'd give anything to pulverise some warg-riders and don't stand there and tell me it was just your luck," she wheezed, fist shaking, “all the good stuff happens to you; ridin' in the jeep an sittin' on the nightmare an having the general worry about you. Getting gold and free drinks all for just mucking about in here for a few hours a day-"

“Raz, I could have died!"

The she-orc sniffed, “yeah but you didn't 'cos you're naturally lucky, just like 'im, that's why he's got a soft spot for you!"

What was she going on about now? Luck was not quantifiable! You couldn't carry it around with you like a hankie. And anyway, if Anar was so lucky then why was he having such a hard time with this so called 'simple' job?

Her friend continued, “you even walked home alone unscathed after we've had townspeople going missing!"

Sarah's heart stopped and her breath caught, “wait. What?"

“You were fine? The general found you?"

“People have gone missing?!"

Her friend paled visibly, “aww I shouldn't have said nuffin'!"

“That's a double negative Raz," she whispered as a headache loomed, “I've wandered the fields this morning. Anything could have happened to me!"

The blond ponytail shook; “you had Destroyer! You were the safest person for miles, believe me mate."

Sarah rubbed her temples as they began to throb, “because he's not an ordinary horse is he? I've been riding around on some monstrous creature that just so happens to look like a horse, right?"

She shuffled her feet, “I can't say anything, I'm already in trouble, I told you."

“What about the blue flash of light I saw? Can you say anything about that?" she asked sweetly.

Raz's eyes bulged for a split second. Oh yeah, she knew alright. Military secrets that weren't for the ears of civilians, eh? Well, she'd almost become some fleabag's morning snack!

“My rifle review..." she mumbled wretchedly.

Sarah stepped forward and put her hand on her half-orc friends sagging shoulder, “you can't possibly get in any more trouble, can you? So think about it; there's nothing stopping you from telling me what this-" she gestured to Destroyer who was taking a nap by the general's black tent, “really is!"

Raz's head snapped up. “You're right! I can't get into anymore trouble, can I? I've hit rock bottom and the only way is up. I'd never seen it that way, you're so smart! Ok so, Destroyer..." she lowered her voice to a conspirational level, “is a nightmare!"

Sarah blinked, “you said that before. I thought you meant he was a pain in the neck. I mean, that's not wrong but-"

“No, you're thinking of a bad dream. He's a normal-looking horse," (Sarah wasn't sure about that but she let her friend continue), “until he comes into contact with magic. Then he can change how he looks if he wants to and can talk! He gets these big bat wings and a sharp horn on his nose. Terrifying. Anyway they're really rare and they just look like horses to you and me. He only changes for the general because of the magic in his blood."

An idea hit sarah with the force of a Kaos Army truck; magic! The general was magic! It was those drinks he had in the jeep; they were how he got his funny appearance and everything. Monster Energy! “He drinks magic potions," she gasps, “that's where he gets his powers from."

Raz's eyes widened with shock, “he drinks potions? Wow, I never knew that. What sort? I want to try one!"

“It explains why some animals are just animals but the general... gets to be a human animal hybrid."

“Cor! That would be amazing if it's true. I always wondered about that too."

The girls decided that since the general had gone and left them together for the day they would do some snooping around in his tent to find some of the curious canisters and see what they did. If general Warthingy wouldn't give her the truth first time then serve him right.