FSE

Furry search engine

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Disclaimer: The following will contain homosexual individuals and relationships and may be an interesting commentary on life, death, immortality, God, gods and various religions. No offense is intended and if you cannot handle it, please discontinue reading rather than blaming me. This is copyrighted to me (mewjen(at)ymail.com), so no using it without my permission and no stealing it (any profits must be shared). This is a work of fiction. Any likenesses to persons, places, and so on, real or imagined, living or dead is purely coincidental.

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Act II - Part 4

"I am a.... What?" My brain couldn't handle it. He couldn't have said what I heard. It didn't make sense. Such a thing is impossible.

"Ra cast out the Devourers and made us gods as the sun rose. You were given the same gifts as Anubis and I. You did not rise from the dead. You woke up. Ra tricked you and tortured his son." Horus said it without a trace of humor.

He seemed sure of himself, but it was unbelievable. I mean, I have been me for my whole life. I think I would have noticed if I could make my dreams come true with just a thought. "You're wrong."

"Am I now?" His eyes roamed the alley, as though he could see something I couldn't. "Technically, 'demi' is a slur against you. By right, you are fully titled, but you are not a god. You never lived our lives. You shunned your only duty. You have not earned the right to share a title with me again." He spoke evenly, trying to hide his emotions, but the distain was obvious.

He wanted me to be blunt, so I was. "And there returns that arrogance of a god. So much for An's equality of the castes."

He laughed at that. "Anubis loves you. Of course, you are equal in his eyes. In mine, however, you have not changed enough."

I was frowning deeply, but Horus didn't seem to care. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"We are Egyptian," he replied. "We shared that city together, so very long ago."

To his credit, I had never thought of it like that before. But I didn't remember any birds of importance off the top of my head. "You're saying I knew you? From before?"

He chuckled at me, as he stood up. "Try to remember." He put his arm around my shoulders, as he led me out of the alley. The gesture may have been friendly in intent, but it was just uncomfortable to be forcibly led around like that. "Now, I believe, before we can continue, there is something that you need to see." He turned us around, and when I tried to continue forward, he held me at his side.

I must have looked like a gaping idiot, staring down at that alley from a top a three-story building.

Horus, of course, never missed a beat. "Your instincts allow you to use your powers quite effectively. However, the ability to make an illusion last takes time to learn. And with no one else able to see it and with us up here, there is no need to hold the illusion any longer. In fact-do-not-blink. That was you."

It was if someone pulled the zipper up the building. The walls of the alley glowed orange, and what once was two buildings now became one, or was it one building all along. I blinked several times, trying to reengage my brain. "Did you...?"

"Illusions are not my forte. That was always Set," he said, offhanded.

I turned to Horus. "Eh? How...?" With the amount of brain freezing I was experiencing, I was starting to wander if there would be permanent damage. "Does An know?"

"I doubt it," the falcon replied. "He would have had to have seen you use your powers. But even then, he had other concerns on his mind, did he not?" The way he said it made it hard to figure out how An was friends with this statue of emotion.

"Yeah," I said quickly, partially because I agreed with him, and partially because I didn't want to think about An's behavior, while dealing with another god.

He was silent for a while, which finally gave me time to process that I was a god, or an untrained demi-god, who was trapped in this place by his boyfriend's father and has spent the eternity being persecuted by my fellow denizens for being a god's homosexual lover and probably also for being a god, and all this was based on the word of another god, who claims to be the former god's friend, for which there is verbal evidence to support the claim but still seems farfetched, especially with the way this god decided to scare me to life upon introducing himself and has been dismissive of my every-

"What are you thinking?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" I replied, caught off guard.

"You never gave me the chance to know you." He sounded genuinely hurt. "I do not know how you think, but you seem to be searching for answers without asking the questions."

"Who are you?" I asked again.

"I am Horus," he answered, "son of Isis, stepson of Osiris. My first life's duty gave me the title of Senior Ambassador for the City of Tem."

That was very helpful and ludicrously coincidental. "Ambassador?"

"Yes, Junior Ambassador, you were supposed to be my apprentice. But, of course, you had other plans."

His intentions were hard to read, so I chose the simplest interpretation. "So you're pissed because I chose him?"

"No," he said, quite clearly. "I not going to hold what happened at the dawn of sentient life against anyone. You made mistakes, so did he, so did I. He is my best friend because of you. What annoys me is the fact that you two are trying to make me choose and I cannot, I will NOT." His huff was more of a groan.

"What two, and what are you not choosing?" I asked confused by his sudden indignation.

"Anubis loves you and Set. Therefore, one of you must profess your love for him and commit to him," he said, as though his plan was completely rational, logical, and plausible.

"You think 'I love you' leads to happily ever after," I said sarcastically. "And you think that Set or I should just go to him and say it. And this is the Set that ripped out his heart."

Horus stared at me for a moment, deciding...something. "He did not literally. It is just complicated. Neither of us can ever know what happened exactly. Anubis turned his anger inward, until it almost destroyed him. Afterwards, he turned it on Set. Set..." Horus seemed to lose track of his thoughts. "He lost hope.... He is miserable. And I do not know if he will ever let himself find happiness. Ra banished you. He could not with Set, but he did end their relationship nonetheless. You, most of all, should be able to understand Set's position, because it might have been your own."

Horus shook away his thoughts and continued speaking, "Sorry, I did not mean to tangent." He took a deep breath and steadied his voice. "What was your plan?"

Thinking about it, our plans were quite similar. "I just wanted to talk to him," was the best retort I could come up with.

"Mmm, sounds familiar." The smirk was worse than the deadpan.

"So you're going to take me to him?" I asked.

"Not quite."

That took me by surprise.

"I have no reason to trust you," he said plainly. "I want to believe in you. Set thinks you deserve it. But all I have seen is you running from your duties and hurting my best friend."

I took a minute to analyze what he said, and to be honest, he was right. So I said what I felt. "I love him, and I want to talk to him. Isn't that enough?"

"I do not doubt your love," he replied. "But what are you going to say to him?" He looked so earnest that I knew his intention was not to insult or embarrass me.

Again, I spent a minute trying to find an answer, but failed. I couldn't even answer it for myself, let alone him. "I don't know."

"That is the problem," he said, failing to bury his frustration. He sighed and paced around a small circle. "If you do not know, how am I supposed to know what will happen? How can I know where I need to be? If you break his heart even more, I need to be there for him. If you two manage to come together and I need to give you space, I need to plan for that. If you two decide to be together again, I need to have figured out a living arrangement for you, because where you live is no place for him, and it is no place for you."

I think in that moment, I finally understood Horus. He doesn't care about caste, species, nationality, or roles. He cares about people and will do anything for those he loves. An is his best friend, and I hurt him. Now, he is torn between wanting to defend his friend against me and wanting An happy. In this moment, Horus wants me to fail, because Set earned his pardon and was the lesser danger. But Horus was giving me a chance to also earn his pardon. He was trying to do what was best for An without forcing anyone into unwanted action. He was manipulating me into doing what I wanted.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Be in love with him," was Horus' response.

"I need a clearer picture of what you have plan for me."

"I do not have a plan, per se. I am assuming that Ra's plan will fail, and he will be forced to turn to Set. I do not wish to put any more stress on Anubis. So when Set goes to him, I will not let you see him. If he rejects Set then you can have your chance, but I will not force him to choose. However, until then, I feel obligated to give you a chance. So follow your heart." I guess he read my annoyance, as he quickly continued, "Look, I cannot know what you feel or what you desire, and you do not know either. You have the ability to find him, so find him, and hopefully along the way you will figure out what you want."

"So you are going to leave me to roam the universe for him?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, Anubis would in no way punish me for that, if he found out." His reply was laced with sarcasm. "He is staying in my guestroom," he said, as though I should have already known that. "Use your brain and instincts to go from point A to point B. Simplistic."

"If you say so." I returned his sarcasm.

"You make it sound like I am asking for the universe." His demeanor had been slowly changing. He seemed almost...friendly.

"I need directions and bearings. I'm not like you," I huffed.

"Yes, you are." He broke out in laughter.

I hadn't realized it, but I was actively pouting at that moment.

"I do not surrender to begging." He paused for moment. "But, if you feel it would help, I know someone you should talk to. She has missed you, and talking to her would provide a good starting point for figuring out what you want in life."

"You mean death?" I jokingly threw back.

Horus threw his arms up. "What is the difference? Life becomes death. Death becomes life. Does it matter?"

"Only when the people you care about are not the same as you."

"Touché." He stretched out his wings. "So do you want my help, or should I fly you down and leave you to your desires?"

I took a long moment and thought about everything that I had learned over this past hour. I don't know if Horus thought of this as a test, but I did, just not for Horus. This moment decided whether I would ever try. I left my house expecting to get lost and discouraged. I didn't expect to find An, but now, I had a path before me. To take it would be crazy. I closed my eyes and tried to shut out the world and focus on my heart. I saw An's face.

I opened my eyes and I answered Horus. "Yes, I would like your help."

He raised his hand to snap his fingers, but before he did, "I will try to keep an eye on you, but I will avoid interfering unless I have to. This is your journey. I hope you find your place. Good luck."

And with that, his snap enveloped me, and I found myself at the gates of an old Victorian-style mansion.

"YOU should not be here." The dark voice was back again. It had been yelling at me, until I left the house, when the world became its echo.

"You were oddly quiet,"_I teased, trying to be brave. _"Afraid of Horus, are we?"

I felt its chuckle through my chest. "I am a part of you," my darkness retorted. "I am always with you."

"I'm not crazy, am I?" I said aloud, wondering if it was true.

That chuckle again, through my heart. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Leave now. Before you get hurt."

"You're not as forceful as you normally are," I observed.

"You have no chance of finding him," it said with a hint of mystery.

"But this is the right direction, isn't it?" I retorted, knowing my darkness would always point away from An.

_ _

THE mansion may have been of an ancient design, but it was will kept. There were no surrounding buildings and the entire place seemed odd, like I was looking at a life-size snow globe, just without the snow.

I walked through the gates, trying to figure out how to explain myself. The knocker was a beautiful brass piece and the sound filled the air outside, leaving me to wonder what was heard inside. As I waited for the door to open, I felt a ghostly chill pass over me. Every fiber of my being told me to run, as I heard the sounds of something heavy sliding across wooden floors. Every creek and squeak getting louder and louder as it approach the other side of the door.

The snake that opened the door was monstrous. It filled the doorway with its presence. Its arms thick enough to break a man in two. Its coils seemed endless as they filled every inch of visible floor.

When looking into its face, its fangs captured my full attention. Large, sharp, and deadly, it almost looked like they were leaking venom, as the creature spoke in a terror-inducing hiss. "Sss-speak your name and purpose-sss, or run quickly," it said.

The terror gripping my mind froze every thought. "I. I. I. Eh."

"Do not tesss my patience-sss. I am getting hungry," the snake threatened with a subtle smacking of its lips.

I gulped loudly, trying to control my shaking body. "I'm not s-sure why I'm, eh, here. My name is Jaller. I'm...eh..." My mind couldn't take the fear any longer and just stopped.

Every moment that past in silence I thought would be my last outside this creature's stomach. I couldn't run. I couldn't do anything, but wait.

"Coooome," it finally spoke. "The queen will sss-see you now."

I was in the mansion before I had the chance to choose. The torches on the wall lit, allowing me to see just enough as to avoid both the active and dormant coils, as the snake guided me. Despite its warm exterior, its inside was dark, damp, and cold. How a cold-blooded snake could be awake and moving, was beyond me.

The deeper I was led the colder it got. There seemed to be too many coils for them to all be a part of the same creature, and this place seemed like an endless maze. I started to wonder just how much danger I was in and how trapped I had let myself become.

We came before oak doors that seemed so impossibly alive and vibrant in this place. The snake opened them and forced me inside. "Your guesss-ss-ss, madam," he hissed, before closing the only visible exit.

I was in a room that didn't make sense. At first glance, it was a grand library. On the second glance, it was a great hall. And with the third, it was a luxurious bedroom. Looking at the smallest element caused it to grow it detail and complexity. The only consistency was that this place was so much warmer than the path that led to it.

I tripped over my own feet, as my brain tried to process this infinite room. I closed my eyes trying to will away the visual assault.

"Jaller?" I heard a female voice ask. "Is it really you?"

I raised my head to the voice, not recognizing the youthful tenor. I opened my eyes by a fraction, and finding that the room was behaving as a simple lounging area, I fully opened my eyes and stood up to see a teenage girl lunging at me.

"Oh, it's you! It's you! It's you!" she squealed, hugging the breath from my lungs.

I force the girl off me, and gasping to regain the breath she took, I studied her. She acted like a high school cheerleader and looked a college freshman. "Who the hell are you?"

She lightly smacked me on my nose. "That's no way to address your queen." She froze for a full minute, not speaking, not moving, not even blinking, before she continued, as though nothing had happened. "I am Queen Isis." She struck a pose, before turning to the wall and saying, "Or was I? Or will I?" She paused. "I am queen of this realm because I wish to be, therefore I will be, and therefore I was." Another short pause. "Fine. I am Isis, because that you cannot take."

She turned back to me, expectantly, but I was just confused by her behavior. "So...you are Horus' mother? And he wanted me to meet you why?"

"Oh, you know Horus? How is he doing?" she said with cheerful excitement.

I was about to speak, but she cut me off.

Again to the wall, she spoke, "How can he know Horus? How can he be here?

"HOW ARE YOU HERE!" she shouted at me, before returning to the wall, "Wait. What era is it? Could it be the Collapse...or the End? Yes, that must be it."

"Hello, Jaller." She returned her attention back to me. "How are you? You must have so many questions, after being gone for so long?"

I stood slack-jawed for a minute. "Why am I here? I don't even know you."

"Of course you know me...WAIT!" she shouted at the wall, before saying to me, "I wasn't Isis for you. I was.... WHO was I?" She began snapping her fingers together, each time changing her appearance.

The first seventeen were almost identical, just a female swimsuit model in varying coloration and species that would make a heterosexual drool. The eighteenth was a very attraction feline in his late twenties wearing a size-to-small, blue speedo that almost made me drool. The nineteenth made me jump back, as she aged to almost flesh-on-bones. The following varied in age, but all were female and none had I seen before. Until she paused on one that brought back many tender moments. Elisa, the one person who allowed me to be close to An, stood before me.

"You were Isis and An's guardian?" I asked in amazement.

She snapped back into her original form. "It's been a while since I've heard him called that," she said somberly, seeming to gain sanity.

"So your Horus' mother and Anubis's pseudo mother?" I was struggling to keep track of all the facts I supposed to know. "Do they know?"

"It's a point of resentment," she said offhand. "Horus was ten when I left him with Osiris to raise Anubis. But it's not like either knew until after they became friends."

"But you tried to overthrow Ra? Why would you betray An?" I questioned.

"I did overthrow Ra." She glared pointedly at the wall, as she talked. "Horus would have been a great leader, if Set hadn't been in the way."

"And what did you plan for Anubis, your other son?" I asked, still trying to connect the woman I knew with Isis.

"He wasn't a part of my plans," she replied somberly. "I never thought I would grow to care about him. Though I did hope he would take a side, instead of remaining neutral and convincing Horus to do the same." She turned to me once more. "Maybe, if you had been there. Osiris was so pathetic. I defeated Ra for him-Oh, shut up" that was to the wall. "But could he keep the thrown? No. My sons-SHUT UP-betrayed me-SHUT UP!" She turned her full attention to the wall.

"You need to stop interfering!" She began a passionate one-sided argument with the wall. "I'm allow to wallow! He is my son! I raised him! You never knew him! He deserved better! Leave my husband out of this. Liar! I love him! Am not! I love my friend! AHHHH!"

She screamed and covered her ears, chanting, "I am not. I am not. I am not," to herself, as I stood well back from her crazed ramblings.

"JALLER, you have to get out." This voice was new. It came from behind me. But turning around, I found nothing but air.

"What? Who said that?" I spoke aloud.

Again from behind it responded, "Leave this place. Now."

Again, I turned and again found nothing. "Who are you?" I started and finishing in my head, "You're not.... Are you?"

"Jaller, please listen, you are not safe here."

I turned to Isis, but she appeared as if time had stopped around her. "What's happening? Who are you?"

"Run," it whispered.

"Not until you reveal yourself," I countered.

"If I do," it said gravely, "then you must run."

My vision began to warp, and a pressure seemed to grow around my head. "What are you doing to me?"

"Trying to save you." Its voice was calm, even as it increased the pressure squeezing my brain. "You let yourself get caught and now you must escape."

"What are you talking about?" I grunted, in pain. "Horus sent me here."

"No. Ra did."

The pain grew, until I collapsed to my knees, as a blurred figure walked into my field of vision. My eyes seared and I writhed, but the figure stayed constant within my eye.

"I'm sorry," it said. "Ra's powers and mine are clashing. Focus on me and the pain will lessen."

I tried, but the pain only worsened.

"Focus," it pleaded. "Ra doesn't want this. He won't let go without a fight."

I screamed, as I forced my eyes to focus, and as soon as I saw Set clearly, I saw and felt him tug my arm forward, as I collapsed face down on the ground, and the pain was gone.

I laid there panting, trembling, completely drained, before I felt a pair of hands pulling me to my feet.

Set stood there supporting my weight. I tried to push away, but my balance hadn't returned and I slumped against him.

"Take it easy. We're not playing by the normal rules now. Relax and you will feel better," he said soothingly.

"What...did...you...do...to...me?" I asked heaving.

"My specter and Ra's are in conflict, and we are battling for you," he said.

"What...does...that...mean?" I asked, through panting breaths.

"The voice you are hearing is one of Ra's shades," he said calmly. "He implanted it in you to manipulate you away from Anubis."

"It's not me?" I rushed between breaths.

"Yes and no," he replied, not even giving me the chance to hope. "The shade is your dark impulses amplified. The slightest doubt can be magnified to hatred."

"So I hate him?" I felt the despair encase me.

"Do you?" he asked, as though that was an answer.

I was caught off guard, and after going from such a high to a damning low, I just pushed away from him and yelled out my angst. "HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW! You just told me that I'm being controlled! First Ra! Then Horus! Now you! What do you want from me?"

"Hey," he raised his hands in submission, "I am not your enemy. Neither is Horus. No one is controlling you. Not even Ra."

"That's not what it feels like," I retorted, "since I don't see An anywhere, and if I were in control, I'd be with him right now." I pointed to the ground to emphasize my point, before I realized how stupid it looked. I took a step back and just breathed.

"Why the fuck am I even listening to you?" I said, after a while. "I know you can't be trusted."

I stared at him in defiance, and he just stared back in disbelief.

"I have been by your side for your whole existence here and that means nothing to you?"

It was my turn for disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"I made a deal with myself, after I betrayed Anubis," he said. "He will find happiness, and most likely that will be with you. So I have kept you safe."

"Safe?" I said with venom. "Is that what my life has been?"

"Did anyone ever hurt you?" Set's anger filtered through his indignation. "I cannot make someone like you. I could not force you to try to befriend someone. You were safe from mortals, and you were hidden from any god that could pass into this realm. I did my part, now you just need to fall back in love with Anubis."

"Who says I ever stopped?" I sighed. "Tell me why I should trust you. An doesn't. Horus does, but I don't know him. All I know is what An told me."

He stared at me, silent for a long while. He was deciding how much to reveal, how much to tell of his buried secrets.

"What Anubis told you is correct," he said. "But have you even thought about how I was able to break him? I gave into the torture. The years he compressed, the deaths I faced, the threats he made were too much for me. Ending Ra's onslaught came at a price, but it would protect both of us. Unfortunately, I love him, and no amount of pain can change that. I had to split myself in two, leaving an emotionless shell that could do what needed to be done. And when the two became one, the agony of grief and guilt was too great, and so I split away the pain. One-half to stay near Anubis and Horus. One-half to find a way to live with myself."

"So you are Set's pain?" I asked when he paused.

"I am Set, just as much as my other is Set. Ra's shade is separate and unable to change. We are the same. I just remember differently. What is important is that I found my path. I don't know how to be happy, but the only atonement I can offer An is keeping the only man left in his heart safe. And, if you love him, then you and he should be together and happy. That is my motive. That is my life. If you cannot trust me then trust in that."

"Okay," I said, after a while.

I actually did trust him. I saw something in his eyes that reminded me of myself. He was trapped the same way I was, somewhere between An, Ra, and ourselves. I had a feeling that if our roles were reversed, we would still be here, we would have screwed up our lives equally, and nothing could help An.

I turned away, trying to fight off the swell of emotions.

Looking around, I found a dead world. Isis was still frozen. The edges of the room were clouded, concealing the infinity. Everything was graying, with inky blackness creeping inwards.

"What's happening to this place?" I asked.

I heard Set moving to my right. "I trapped us in a moment. Soon the cage will break." His voice changed, as he sounded warier. "When you leave this place, I am going to have to abandon you. I have just about used up all my energies, and if I do not merge after this long of a separation, I may cripple myself. I want you to know, I believe in you." I felt an uncomfortable shiver run through me, as he finished, "Even if you cannot believe in yourself."

I dodged around his confession and asked, "If I'm trapped how can I get out?"

"This world was created as Isis' punishment. It provides for her every whim. Anything she wants, she gets, except her freedom, and no one but Ra can purposely find this place. You are not prisoner by design, but by distraction. If you want an exit it must be given."

I turned to him and found his image was starting to blur.

"Create the portal and I will help guide you," he said feebly. "Please, hurry."

And with that, the world and he spun around in my head, until the gray was replaced by full color, and I was back in my original position, as the world resumed itself.

I glanced around and found Isis glaring at me.

"You cannot leave," she said threateningly.

I took several steps away from her, but she followed quickly.

"You mustn't leave," she said.

I closed my eyes and focused on escaping this place. Opening my eyes, I found a portal had formed in front of me. Swirling energy encasing a rippling mirror. I stepped through without hesitation.

"Please, don't leave me alone!" Isis called after me, but it was too late to even reconsider.

IT was like falling through water. Dimensions pushing their way passed you, as you push through them. Deforming to the path of least resistance, the body becoming a string, vibrating to the tune of the universe. Consciousness and body slipping away into separate wave fronts. Then you pass through the event horizon, as though nothing miraculous had occurred, as though warping space-time in a single step was as natural as crossing along its surface.

I tripped and fell face forward into the ground the moment I hit pavement. All I heard was the sounds of a moderately traveled street. Cars stopping and accelerating, but few passed by. It all sounded completely normal, as though my appearance in this had gone unnoticed. Although, the faint scraping of metal-on-metal suggested that vehicular troubles maybe occurring in the near future for someone.

I had to shield my eyes, as I looked up. It was late in the day. The sun would be setting within an hour or so. Initially, its rays blinded me to the hand being offered.

Set stood before me once more, as I dusted off the dirt that had collected on my pants. "I'm not in your head anymore," he said. "If you follow this road to #38, you will find where Horus intended to send you."

His body was slowly fading, as I looked up at him. "Can't you just send me to An directly?"

He smiled mischievously. "Not anymore. I will see you again, when you are standing next to An ready for my congratulations."

And with that, Set dissolved along the currents of the wind.

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Author Note: Well I have successful managed to take a major step forward in my life, but I have not had as much time with this story, as I would have preferred. This chapter was originally going to be split, but it did not work for me, with the first half being the conclusion of Part 3. So I lost another week to work the next part, which I have been trying to finish since I started releasing this series, but have been constantly distracted from other revisions. I am going to try to release it next Tuesday (earlier than this one), but we will see.

Thank you for reading this chapter. While you are here, please rate, favorite, and comment. Your feedback is the only way I know if the various parts and concepts are working or confusing.