Anima: The Broken Wing Chapter 5
#5 of Anima: The Broken Wing
Daniel held the raven in his arms. Tears streamed from his eyes as the raven looked at him, confused. Although it seemed confused about the situation, it never fought against Daniel's grasp. The bird was curious but without immediate concern.
Maybe I had grown desensitized to the transformation, or perhaps it was my inability to cry, but I wasn't racked with the sadness I expected. I would have thought this would be an incredibly emotional moment, but it seemed normal to me. Glancing at Rylie and Alex, they both were visibly sad at the sight of the raven.
The raven's gaze turned to me. Its eyes locked with mine as we both gave a blank, emotionless stare. Even though there was no verbal or physical communication, I could sense Matthew in the raven's eyes. We continued our mutual gaze before the raven turned to look at Nash, who had just removed a small white pouch from a drawer. Nash opened the bag and removed a small black and gold ring engraved with a large print ID number. Alex assisted Nash in sliding the ring around Matthew's leg and pinching the ring closed. Giving a glance at my leg, I had a similar band, although mine was a little larger.
For Matthew and I, the band was the last physical sign of our lives as humans. A simple colored metal ring is all that differentiates us from wild-born animals. Matthew, seeming unoffended by the band, began to preen himself. I continued to watch the bird who was disinterested in those crying around them. With a quick flick of his head, the raven suddenly became still. After another shake, he began to dart his head around, looking frantic.
Nash quickly stepped in and reached for the raven, only to be bitten on the hand. "Ahh! Don't be pulling none of that on me now," Nash said, pulling his hand back. "Can someone get the carrier? I think he's getting a little jumpy." Alex stepped out of the room while Nash attempted to grab Matthew again.
Matthew seemed distressed by this and began making loud croaking sounds. The closer Nash's hands were to him, the louder and more often the croaks came. As Matthew continued belting sounds as loud as he could, I felt anxious, like I needed to do something urgently. Matthew continued to bite at Nash's fast-approaching hands. In my chest, there was a pressure building. I had no control as my beak opened and my head lowered. In a quick exhale, I let out an ear-piercing screech that caused almost everyone in the room to jump. Matthew froze with his eyes locked squarely on mine before falling to his side and placing his thin, clawed feet between us.
Alex ran into the room with a brown box, "What was that? Is everyone okay?" She shouted but was met with silence. She placed the box on the ground while Nash picked up Matthew without resistance. Matthew's eyes never left mine as he was carefully placed in the box. Matthew never made any further sounds, even after the top was folded shut.
I couldn't figure out what brought me to call out like that. As everyone quietly spoke, I could not concentrate on the conversations. My mind was stuck on the scream. The guilt from how terrified Matthew looked at me before being put into the box occupied my thoughts. He rolled over, seeming to accept that I was a danger. Were his last thoughts of me that I was going to hurt him? If I hadn't taken control, would I have?
"Lyall?" Rylie asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Would you say so?" She repeated. Having missed whatever the question was, I could only stare, waiting for her to repeat it. When waiting did not work, I tilted my head to the side, and she asked again. "Matthew and Jeremy were very close, wouldn't you say?" Rylie asked once more. I nodded in agreement as Rylie turned back to Alex and Daniel. "Jeremy had some issues adjusting at first. It took some time to get his thoughts in the right place, even after losing his voice. Kind of how Matthew was with you." Rylie said to Dan.
"I just wish he was going to be there. He said he would be..." Dan sounded defeated. He reached a hand over his shoulder and scratched at his back, closing his eyes in the process.
"Matthew tried to stay as long as he could. You know he absolutely would be there if he could." Nash tried to comfort him, but Dan only shook his head. "None of us know what it's like when it finally happens."
Dan glanced at me, "If he is still in there, why wouldn't he know? In fact, why is he any different from Matt? How is it fair the hawk gets to keep his mind, but Matthew doesn't?" Dan's face slowly turned red as he began shouting. "I don't get how we don't know how this works. How long have people been doing this, and they still can't give me a straight answer? I spent all of this time thinking this was the death of me, then hawk boy shows up, and somehow he is still there?"
I turned my eyes away and lowered my head. While Dan's rant was purely out of confusion and mourning, I knew where he was coming from. I spent much of my time as a hybrid asking similar questions. To be where I was now only raised more questions. I knew what Dan was going through, but I could not console him. I tried to communicate with him, desperately attempting to express to him that I knew the same emotions. I tried to bob my head and make small noises, but nothing went how I wanted.
"What? Are you still human in there? Then maybe you can tell me, am I prolonging the inevitable?" Dan shouted condescendingly, "You had a pill that made it all better? Did you get the special treatment?"
I felt the anxiety building again, the pressure in my chest. I could only stand on the table and accept the barrage of insults from Daniel. I tried to brush them off, wanting to give Daniel the benefit of the doubt that it was all the emotions from tonight, but I could feel my control slipping.
"All of the special treatments, and you still found yourself here. You decided to go to the wild on your own, only to shag a hawk and get hit by a damned truck. You aren't a human, but you sure as hell ain't a hawk."
I slipped as my break opened against my will, and the loud shriek of the hawk's call came out. It held as long as it could as Nash and Rylie tried to cover their ears. Rylie stepped between us, and I slowly tried to regain control.
"Daniel, what is the matter with you? What gives you the right to treat other people like that?" She shouted at Dan. "We all have dealt or are currently dealing with this. You can't let your emotions pull this crap on others. It's no one's fault this is happening."
Dan's eyes shifted between everyone standing around in shock. He reached to his back again before closing his eyes, "I guess that I get what I deserve then." He quickly pulled his shirt off, revealing light green, iridescent feathers emerging from his chest and flowing into his pink neck feathers. He threw the shirt on the floor and turned to walk up the stairs. Once he turned around, the darker green feathers growing on his back were visible. Even as he walked away, more feathers emerged from his skin.
Nash started to follow him up, but Rylie stopped him. "Let him cool off a bit. Maybe he can calm down and revert them. But I don't think we will be of any help." She sighed and shook her head. "I swear this kid will be the end of me." Rylie slid over to me and touched her wing against my back. "You doing alright? He can get out of line sometimes. We've all learned that he can have his time. Please don't take anything he said to heart." She continued to caress my back, which felt great, with my bandages growing itchy.
"Well, on that bombshell, maybe it's time I take Lyall back to the office for the night," Alex said quietly. I couldn't agree more. Very few things I wanted more right now than to be out of this house. "You have Matthew handled?" she asked.
"Yeah, they can come by tomorrow to take him up. He'll be back with some old friends again." Nash spoke, seeming happy at the last sentence.
"Well, if there is anything I can do, let me know," Alex said before donning the leather glove. I climbed onto her hand, and we walked to the car. While walking, I couldn't help but feel like something was up with Alex. She seemed a little shaky and only looked forward at the car, never once looking in my direction. Without any words, she allowed me to step into the vehicle's backseat. She walked around and climbed into the driver's seat. The drive back to the rehab was uncomfortably quiet, but as the night had shown, I wasn't the best at being audible.
Once back at the rehab, Alex carried me inside and placed me in my usual sleeping cage. Without a word, she removed the glove and began to walk to the door, grabbing her keys as she did. In an attempt to get her attention, I let out a slightly raspy sound. Alex stopped before looking halfway back, "Good night Lyall." The door shut, and I was alone again.
With everything that happened tonight, I couldn't help but feel I was partially to blame. Maybe Dan wouldn't have had his breakdown and changes if I hadn't returned to the house. Perhaps Matthew would have held out a bit longer without knowing I was still around. Maybe Daniel was right. Am I a human, a hawk, or something else?
While thinking of this, I felt my grip loosen on my mind. Maybe it would be best if I did give up the reins? I leaned into the feeling and felt like I fell away, drifting like I was falling asleep. I felt cold at first, but then I felt a comfortable warmth. Falling for comfort, I leaned deeper into the feeling. It felt like I was leaning back against a bed until I was flat, surrounded by bliss. I could lay here forever. It would honestly be nice.
I had lost track of time in my current state. It could have been an hour or perhaps twenty. All I knew was I felt happy in a way I hadn't ever felt. But I knew that Alex would be arriving at some point if I hadn't missed her already. What would happen if I didn't wake up and she found me lying in the cage? I needed to wake up now, even if only to see how long I had slept.
I tried to lean myself forward, but I was stuck down. No matter how hard I tried, I was unmoving. The blissful comfort began to fall away, and I only felt trapped. I could not bring myself up to wake up as if my back was broken. I tried to scream but was unable, I tried to open my eyes, but I was unable. I was trapped in a dark, silent, unmoving expanse. I began to panic and tried to move my wing, but I could no longer feel either of them. Not even my head felt like it could move as I desperately tried to regain control. As I fought, I felt something, but only the lightest touch of my feet making contact with something, my claws wrapping around something. I tried to focus on that feeling but sensed something else. My claws felt tensed, but I could taste something shortly after. The taste was unmistakably blood, but not precisely any I had tasted before. This time it tasted different.
Not long after tasting the blood, the darkness somehow seemed darker, and I could slowly begin to bring myself upright again. Slowly, I fought to regain control and wake up, not thinking of the sensations I had experienced just then. Once I was upright, I could feel my body again. I could smell the lab and feet, my claws wrapped around a perch. My head felt like something was pressing onto my feathers, and my vision was pitch black.
As I began to make out sound, I could hear Alex sobbing, "Lyall! I didn't mean to leave you! You have to come back!" She shouted in pain and sadness. "I wouldn't have left you last night! I promise I didn't mean any harm!" I was astonished by the fear in her voice. I still could not see anything but could still taste blood in my beak. I tried to move my head but was surprised to feel an extra weight on top of it. The weight would lag behind any movements I had with my head.
"Why did I leave? I knew I should have stayed. I'm sorry, Lyall." She continued. I tried to pull whatever was on my head off but struggled to reach it. I caught the back of the object on the perch and pulled my head back, freeing the thing. As it fell to the ground, it appeared to be a small round leather object with a small tassel on the top. My vision was now back, and I tried to find the source of blood I was tasting, assuming it was somehow my own. But my body was free of any wounds beyond my bandage. Looking around, I did see Alex sitting at the counter with her hand covered in a rag. The rag itself was white with red splotches on it. A few minor matching red marks were visible on the table. Alex held her face in her bare hand before she stood up, uneasy and stumbling.
Once she stood, I could see what prompted her to stand as a group of white feathers emerged from just above her butt. She reached back and pulled her pants down in the rear, allowing them to grow unrestrained. The white feathers matched her chest and had the same brown bars. She tilted her head back and shouted, "No!" before she fell to the ground and rubbed the newly formed tail with her empty hand. The tail flared out to the sides, and she closed her eyes tightly.
I tried to hop onto the table from the perch but found that I was tied to the perch with a short strap, causing me to pull the perch to the ground with a loud crash. Alex looked up to see me wrapped up with the perch. She scooted away to give the distance between us more space. I freed myself from the perch and hobbled toward her until the strap was at its limit. I bobbed my head, trying to get her attention, but she looked away. "Go away, bird!" She shouted. I flapped my singular good wing to get her attention, but she never looked. "I'm sorry you're gone. I screwed up and ruined it for you!" She continued to cry.
I was confused as to how everything came to be like this. As I tried to piece together everything, I realized I had never been removed from my cage and placed on the perch. I don't remember having anything placed on my head, either. Looking at the towel wrapped around Alex's hand, it was covered in blood. I never found any bleeding on myself, but as something under the towel dripped blood to the floor, I could tell I wasn't the one bleeding.
No matter what I tried to do, nothing got her attention. I tried to remember what happened last night, but as far as I knew, I chirped, and she gave me a parting "good night." I stopped pulling against the fallen perch and tried as best as possible to provide her with the same chirp. As the sound escaped my beak, she seemed to tense up before relaxing. I chirped again, and she lifted her head, looking at me. I gave another chirp before turning my head to the side, trying to give her some sign.
"Lyall?" She asked, confused. I quickly gave the nod and another chirp. "What happened to you?" She crawled closer as I looked at the disaster that was in the room before turning back and shrugging my good wing. "You're-you're back?" She asked shakily. I tilted my head in confusion once more and gave another quiet chirp. I guess I was back?
She cautiously reached her hand out to me and softly caressed my back once again. Her face immediately looked elated as her shaking hand touched my back. "I-I thought you were gone. I thought I lost you. I felt bad after last night and found you like that." Her crying became more joyful as I tried to understand what she meant. I couldn't remember anything that had happened beyond the relaxing mental nap I had taken.
Alex uncovered her hand, revealing her skin covered in a small blood spattering. Her finger had a cut near its knuckle. She began to wrap it using a small bandage roll from the counter. After she washed the hand of blood, she disconnected the tether from my legs and placed me on the table. She began to wipe down the table of any tiny blood droplets. Once she turned away, I saw her white tail, which flared slightly with every uneasy step. She kept looking back at me with concern in her eyes.
She turned back to face me before running a hand down her tail. She closed her eyes's and concentrated hard on something. But when she turned to look again, the tail was still there. She shook her head and turned her attention back to me. "Do you remember what happened? Was that you who bit me, or did the hawk do it?" She asked.
Confused, I turned my head, and she closed her eyes and sighed. "When I found you this morning, you were frantic in your cage. Unlike your usual self, you seemed incredibly jumpy when I opened the door. I managed to get you tethered to the perch, but you were still flailing, even attempting to remove the bandages." She lifted the perch upright before continuing, "I tried to calm you like I normally do, but you- it bit me on my finger, which bled heavily. I feared the worst. You were entirely unlike yourself. It was almost like you were a wild bird trying to defend itself." She held her head in her hands, "I felt like I had done something that caused you to change. I thought maybe you would still be here if I had talked to you last night. I freaked out, and now I'm more of a feathered monster." She adjusted her position in the seat. "But you seem like you are fine now. I guess I deserved that for being so impersonable last night. You managed to spook more owl into me, even if you didn't mean to." She chuckled at the last sentence. "I tried to revert them back, but I think I took too long in my panic. But I'm glad you are still here. I don't know what I would have done if I had caused you to go."
I bowed my head before looking at the rest of the mess in the room. I couldn't remember anything that had happened this morning. Frankly, that left me terrified. But the only explanation was that, somehow, the hawk had complete control. Maybe Alex's suggestion wasn't too far off, my mental balance was broken, and the hawk retaliated. But I couldn't just let myself go feral while healing. I don't even know how I managed to regain control again. I looked down to see the small leather thing on the floor. Once Alex saw me looking at it, she picked it up and placed it in the bin of falconry gear. "Sorry for that. It was the only way I could get you to calm down. It's demeaning, but it kept you from hurting yourself. I would never force something like that on your head otherwise."
I was thinking of the few things I had felt before regaining control, but the sensations were so weak it was hard to tell what would have caused them. My thoughts were interrupted by Alex as she flopped her arms onto the counter.
"Whatever is going on, we have to figure it out. It's only getting worse."