Anima: The Broken Wing Chapter 4

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#4 of Anima: The Broken Wing

Chapter 4


I tried my best to sleep after my episode. I still have no idea how long the hawk was in control, but thinking about it made me feel ill. I hadn't lost control since I changed completely. Up until now, I felt equal to the hawk in a sense. I had finally gotten it under control. I couldn't begin to imagine why everything had changed now. Maybe once I was back to my normal life, or rather the hawk's normal life, things would go back to normal. These thoughts raced as I lay on the towel in my little cage.

When I awoke in the morning, I couldn't help but check if anything had changed. However, there wasn't anything left to change. Call me paranoid, but losing control was one of the strangest feelings I had experienced, aside from becoming a hawk in the first place. Once I saw Alex in the room, a wave of calm washed over me. I thought I should try and tell her what happened yesterday, but I couldn't begin to imagine how. She had been jumpy at the discussion of my changes, and I didn't want to cause her any worry.

"Look who's awake. Was worried I would startle you," Alex's voice broke my train of thought. She was counting small, sealed bags on the tabletop. After she finished counting them and placed them in a box, she assisted me out of the cage and onto the table. Curiously approaching the box, I tried to see what was in the frosted bags. Alex laughed before tossing one in my general direction. I stepped back to avoid the bag when I noticed the object inside; a small mouse or, rather, three small mice.

I nudged the bag towards Alex before she smirked and placed it neatly in the box. "You know, I shouldn't laugh too much. These will be for me someday." She placed the box inside the large, silver refrigerator, "I'm sure you love old frozen mice, right?" I stood still, unknowing if she was sarcastic or serious. "Nash told me about the mouse incident before you and I had met. Nash tried to reassure me with that story, but I don't think it went as well as he had planned."

I tried to make it known I was listening, but doing so made it seem like I was trying to grab her attention; making sure to move my head after the end of every sentence. She would stop talking and wait for me, but would be left confused when I had nothing to say. Working around the language barrier was the most challenging part of being a bird. I could deal with no hands and being small, but having no way to speak was something I couldn't efficiently work around.

In the back of my mind, I could feel the urges from the hawk once again. But as I had been doing, I tried my best to hold them back. Alex's mentioning of the mouse incident was admittedly embarrassing, but not for the reasons I would have thought. I felt embarrassed by my reaction rather than the action of eating the mouse itself. That could be chalked up to the mental changes I had experienced. I would have been embarrassed to know I had killed living things with my hands or the equivalent of my hands regularly before my life as a hawk.

Alex lifted her shirt to reveal the feathers on her stomach, and the bright white feathers were much clearer up close. She ran a hand through the blanket of feathers as she sighed, "I thought I was dreaming the day these first showed up. Nothing you ever want to find on ya." She continued to run her hand across her side and to her back, where matching white and black feathers could be seen. "As a kid, I loved owls, but I don't think the love translates quite this far." She chuckled a half-hearted laugh. She dropped her shirt, fully covering any evidence of the feathers.

While Alex continued her chores, I explored around as much as I could from the tabletop. Getting to the floor would not have been an issue if it wasn't for my bandaged wing. Any confidence I had in jumping two feet down was eliminated, in stark contrast to my typical flying height of nearly a hundred feet. Luckily, Alex was accommodating. She allowed me to step onto her arm using the leather glove and moved me to the other table top. She was still organizing bins of objects, and I couldn't help but look through the packets myself.

"Come on; you don't need to be rummaging, Lyall," Alex jokingly scolded, which I ignored. "I swear, you're a grown-ass man, mister Williams" She shouted as she pulled a packet from my beak. I knew I shouldn't have gotten in the way, but it was fun if you riled her up a little. Maybe the boredom of the room was finally setting in?

Leaving her alone, I walked to the table's edge and laid on the towel. My wing was still mildly sore but not as bad as it had been. I hadn't felt the need to fly. I had just always done it as I needed. But, having been days since my last flight, I began to long for the air. Having all my needs tended for was fine and dandy, but I needed to be off the ground. I hunched my body down and held my one good wing out. I knew better than to try what I was about to do, but the clear opening on the wall called for me. With a hard jump, I leapt from the table, opening my wing to its full extent.

"What are you doing?!" Alex shouted.

My bandaged wing was unable to unfold, and I curled sideways as my folded wing gave no lift. I quickly found myself falling to the tile floor. The cold hard surface made hard contact with my head, leaving me in a daze. Alex promptly ran over, scolding me for jumping from the table like a fool. She picked up my confused pile of feathers and swiftly placed me in the small cage on the wall. Latching the door and stepping back.

"What has gotten into you?" Alex shouted through the door. "No offense, but that was plain idiotic. You know you can't just jump off tables. I figured you'd have a little more sense than that." Alex shook her head and looked angry. My heart raced, and I slid to the back of the cage, my chest rising and falling as I began to feel in control once again. "Is something else going on?" Her voice slowly changed to a slightly worried tone.

I climbed to my feet and looked Alex in the eyes. I knew she was struggling with the changes, and I didn't want to worry her. But once again, I didn't feel totally in control when I jumped from the table. This time I did it involuntarily, and even after, I didn't second guess the decision. I feared what was happening and that maybe I wasn't done changing. With Alex's eyes glued on me, awaiting a response, I slowly nodded my feathered head.

Alex stepped closer to the cage and placed her fingers around the bars, "Did you mean to do it?" She asked softly. I shook my head and broke eye contact.

"That wasn't the first time, was it?"

I shook my head slowly.

"Well, that does explain why you don't always respond to me. I figured you were ignoring me sometimes." Alex tried to joke, but she gave a half-embarrassed chuckle. "Have you always had that problem? Like, since the changes started?"

I shrugged as best as I could with my wing before shaking my head in disagreement. Technically I had dealt with it before, but after the last changes occurred, I felt in balance with the hawk. It was like we mutually shared the space and acted as one.

I felt my feathers begin to fluff out as the realization came. The loss of control only started after the accident, when I was brought back to humanity. I have been fighting the hawk's influences ever since. What if I created the struggle by refusing the hawk its freedom? But that would mean I would have to submit to the hawk's wants and influences. Doing so now would be much more difficult than before. In the wild, the hawk was necessary to live and was a guiding mind. But here, the human mind was in its element.

"Lyall?"

I snapped back to the current moment. Alex looked confused and brought her hand to my small head and slowly stroked my back. I tried to calm my mind, but the hawk had only grown stronger. I was afraid I could slip further if I didn't find a solution soon. Maybe the hawk wouldn't want to share the space then.

Closing my eyes, my head pressed into Alex's hand. In times like these, I wanted nothing more than to be able to talk about my feelings. I wanted my lips back. I wanted my hands back. I was close to speaking to Alex, but I could only give a light squawk as my beak opened. I wanted to cry, but my body was physically unable. I couldn't even remember my own voice anymore.

After minutes of waiting, Alex interrupted the silence, "Are you still wanting to see your friends today?" Alex's hand returned to her side, "Maybe it could help?" Her voice sounded unsure, but I nodded, not wanting to keep thinking about my current problem.

Alex smiled before walking to one of the tall cabinet doors. Opening it, she removed a plastic tub and pulled out a brown strap-looking device from within. She put on the leather glove and reached into the cage again. Her hand guided me onto the glove before the leather straps were placed on my legs. The other end of the belt was attached to the glove, leashing me to her hand like a dog.

"This is an old anklet for falconry. It's just here for... assurance. I don't want to chase you down if anything happens." She began walking to the door with me perched on her arm. The swinging feeling against my legs took time to get used to, but by the time we had left the building, it was already time to climb off Alex's hand.

Alex led me to her car's passenger seat and placed me carefully on the cushion. I could feel my talons digging into the soft fabric with ease. I leaned against the back cushion of the chair with my good wing, attempting to brace myself as my tail flicked, trying to counteract the motion of the car.

Once we arrived at the house, Alex donned the glove, and I stepped onto her hand without any second thought. She didn't bother knocking on the door and immediately opened it. As the door swung open, I could see most of the house's residents. The first face I could see was the iridescent pink of Daniel, whose hand had a glass of a red drink. He brought it to his mouth and nodded his head before taking a sip.

"Didn't bother with the cage today, eh?" Daniel chuckled as he placed the glass on the table.

"I don't think he needs it. I think he's calmer in the car without it." Alex looked at me for confirmation.

"You think? Can't you ask him?" Daniel asked before Alex responded with a shrug, "You still stuck on the juice?" She asked.

Daniel scoffed, "You try having the weight of an adult male human with the metabolism of a hummingbird. It's constant!."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know you don't like being a little hummingbird," Shelby said as her head feathers slowly rose, revealing yellow feathers beneath them. The crest stopped at about a forty-five-degree angle. Daniel opened his mouth to speak but closed it quickly before quickly walking off.

Shelby huffed before turning to Alex, "I don't get what is wrong with him suddenly. Up until his recent feathers came in, he was fine. He acts like we don't get it. I hate them too! But I can't do anything about it now." Shelby forcefully ran her hands through her crest as it rose upward further. She stopped and took a visible deep breath. As she did, her feathers began to fall against her skin until they slowly and smoothly blended.

Alex allowed me to step off her hand and onto the couch's armrest. She untethered my legs from her glove and let the leather strap fall against the armrest. She fell back into the seat and shook her head, trying not to laugh. "What am I doing with my life?" I turned to face her before she continued, "I'm shuttling a hawk around to a house full of other birds. Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe this is all crazy."

Shelby smiled as her crest lay flat against her head, "Yeah, you're borderline insane. But I'm right there with ya."

"Thanks, madam cockatoo. Glad to know you have my back." Alex let her head fall back as she lightly laughed.

The thunking of the stairs was followed by Nash as he rounded the corner. His face seemed to light up when he saw us on the couch. Nash quickly walked to one of the adjacent chairs and sat with his red arms on his knees. "Well, I think someone is ready to see you, Lyall," Nash spoke excitedly.

Alex tried to find a way to allow Nash to carry me easily. But the glove she had brought did not want to fit on his hands without bending feathers the wrong way. Instead, Nash volunteered me to perch on his bare arm, granted I only held on lightly. Nash was still visibly uncomfortable once I grabbed his arm. I tried my best to keep my talons from stabbing the skin below his feathers. But he was concerned primarily about getting me up the staircase.

I couldn't help but lightly squeeze Nash's arm with every step up the stairs. It felt as though I would fall off otherwise. Once at the top, I could immediately see the familiar doors down the hallway, including what used to be my room. As we walked down the hall, we passed Benji's room, and placed at the far end was Damien's old room. But closer to us was Matthew's bedroom door. Nash reached out to open the door, and as his hand turned the knob, I squeezed lightly with my talons.

Nash opened the door slowly and quietly called, "Matthew? You have a visitor." The door swung open, and on the bed was a mess of fabric and feathers. It looked like a haphazard pile until I noticed it rise and fall. After Nash finished, a black feathered head rose from the mass. A long black beak extended from an almost entirely Raven-like head. Its eyes stared before the beak opened. A coarse, rough-sounding voice came from the beak.

"Yooou-" the bird spoke as its words slid into a deep "oooh" sound. The bird stood up on the bed, revealing fully grown feathers and black scaly talons. Its head moved in rapid bursty motions as it half walked/ half hopped closer.

"It's Lyall. Turns out you were right to think something was different about him, Matt." Nash said, trying to hold me out. I had a mix of sadness and happiness flowing through me. The confusion led me to grip harder until Nash asked me to stop.

"Irz it really," The raven spoke with its neck adjusting to make the rough sounds.

I bobble my head up and down, affirming his question. I nodded to the side before pointing my beak to his left wing. "If you're arskin about these, irts been arile since." Matthew's voice kept breaking to sound more raven-like.

It was clear Matthew was in the final stages. Seeing him struggle made me wonder why he was still holding on, he seemed more carefree and accepting of it before I finished.

"You still holding out?" Nash asked Matthew, to which Mathew nodded his head. "I don't know why you insist on torturing yourself, Matt."

Matthew's beak opened his beak, "I can't leave him let. He's not ready."

"He'll be fine, Matthew. Look at yourself! He has Rylie and I to take care of him." Nash sounded exhausted speaking to Matthew.

There couldn't be any way they were speaking of me, right? I watched in confusion as they continued to bicker. "Dan needs me."

"Daniel will be ok. It would be better if we came up here to find a raven hiding in this room. Imagine what Daniel would think about that." Nash spoke, holding a hand out and touching the black feathers.

"It's here with me." Matthew spoke, shaking his head, "It's too late now." He stopped and looked at me, his eyes seemed to glimmer in the light. Matthew gestured his beak to his body, now indiscernible from a bird's, but larger. He leaned in closer before quietly speaking, "I should have been gone ong time ago." Matthew giggled.

It was painful to see Matthew like he was. In his current state, he seemed only to be holding onto his human traits by a string. Not even Damien was this far gone when he decided to finish. Matthew seemed to be holding out for the uncontrolled, forced change. Many people would opt for this change, being unable to commit themselves to finishing. I was among the unknown, lucky few who retained themselves during the shift, which only made me worried that he would probably end up the same way as Benji and Damien. Although the situation was bleak, Matthew appeared to be somewhat optimistic.

"Have you een okay?" Matthew croaked with his raven voice. I nodded my head, upon seeing this, Matthew raised his head up higher, "Great, I worried about ooh. Knew ooh would be okay." As Matthew stood up on the bed, I was able to see the true extent of his changes better. He looked like a very large raven. Very little of his body even resembled a human. He hopped onto the floor, his clawed feet clicking against the wood. He stood only a few feet tall at his full height, not even half his height as a human. His head cocked to the side as he saw my bandaged wing. "Ooh okay?" His voice crackled.

I looked back at the bandage holding my wing to my side. I gave a slow nod to the raven. I felt a knot in my stomach, watching Matthew walk closer. He didn't resemble or even seem like his old self. His wings shuffled before coming to rest at his sides, his head turned, and he preened his back feathers while Nash and I watched silently. His eyes stared blankly ahead while he preened.

With a small shake of his head, he quickly turned back to Nash and I. "We go down, say hi." He bobbed his head before walking to the door. His voice carried a little sadness as he slowly walked past, "Time to go down, speak ooh..." He stopped speaking but kept walking. We followed him out into the hall and down the stairs. Matthew's head bobbed with every step, and his claws clicked every time his feet touched the wood.

At the bottom of the stairs, I could hear Nash shout, "Matthew! What are you doing? We-" but Matthew interrupted him, "Dan" he said quickly, "ere is Dan?" Nash turned to the living room and shouted, "Daniel, Mathew needs you."

Daniel ran out to see what was happening, the skin of his face turned red as he saw Matthew hobbling closer. His hand trembled, and he closed his eyes, "What?" He said quickly.

Matthew stopped walking and stared quietly for a moment. His neck feathers moved before he uttered a single clear word, "Time".

Daniel's face turned white before he turned to walk away but stopped. He went to turn back toward Matthew but hesitated, his head lightly swinging. His hand clenched. He finally stepped closer to Matthew before putting his face next to the raven's head. Daniel whispered something to Matthew, who shook his head. Daniel continued whispering before Matthew nodded in response.

Daniel wrapped his arm around Matthew, who stood motionless. At first, nothing seemed to be happening, but it was quickly apparent that something, or someone, was changing. The mass of black feathers seemed to get lower before I could see it was not just lower but smaller altogether. The black feathers of the raven grew smaller, revealing the pink feathers covering Daniel's neck.

Matthew was quickly changing. There was nothing we could do. We all stood around, Alex, Nash, and I, as the man was reduced to a raven in the hummingbird's arms.