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Kaotic beginnings

1

The Gate shimmered and melted away behind them, leaving only a blinding light; a bombardment of photons from rays of sunlight - the real deal this time, not a poor artificial imitation. It was golden hued and warm. Instinctively, the three travellers shielded their eyes with their hands, blinking and shying away from the overwhelming spectacle. How many years had it been since they had felt this sensation? Five and a bit.

The ground was firm beneath them, gritty and dusty and real. Air touched at their flesh, faint changes in temperature could be felt as it ebbed and flowed in that way that only air can do. They stood for a moment, lost in these sensations that they had once taken for granted, before descending to the Underworld and losing them.

Blood rushed around their bodies, thumping in their ears. Hearts beating - they'd beat before but it hadn't been like this. There was a 'whoom, whoom' rhythmic pulsing inside them.

They lived. They had done it; they had reached the mortal world once more! Lungs expanded, chests rose and fell, muscles twitched.

Anar sneezed; 'atchoo!'. Bright sunlight did that to you sometimes.

Rap blessed him; 'bless you'.

Anar didn't wince. There was no stab of pain at those Holy words. He could probably even mutter 'Jesus Christ' without any repercussions. Probably. He wasn't going to try it just yet, though.

He slowly lifted his long grey head, still wincing from the bright sun and stifling another sneeze, but wanting to see the sky at last; the actual real genuine sky and not the pretend fluffy-clouded abomination that Hell had, nor the angry blood-red scorched mirage that dominated their old home of Purgatory. What he saw was nothing short of beautiful. A fantastic azure canvas swept with milky streaks of cloud that stretched out into the distance.

He stood tall now, rolling his shoulders back and tilting his chin upwards as his living form came back online in its full glory. A green clawed hand promptly smacked into the side of his head and sent him stumbling.

"Are you fucking joking me?" Rave howled, "where the Hell are we, Big Ears?! Are you so thick you can't spell 'Earth' on some bloody paperwork?"

"What's your problem, now?" Anar growled, composing himself and squaring up to his sort-of-friend. He knew there'd be a fight, there always was, the sodding dinosaur was never happy! "Well? Come on, spit it out, what have I done wrong now? Don't tell me - we're in France? We'll swim across The Channel if we have to, after I'm done sticking a baguette where the sun don't shine-"

"Anar," Rap soothed, his hand patting at the aardvark's shoulder, "I don't think that's the issue here. Look at the sky..."

He did. "Yeah, it's nice. It's sky! Real sky!" he waved his hands emphatically.

Rap carried on nodding, "yes, it's nice, it also has two suns in it, mate."

What? Where? He jerked his head around scanning the heavens. "Ah..."

"Yeah!" Rave spat, "'ah!' I dunno about you, but last I checked Earth only had one of the big flaming orbs up there, ya know? I knew something would go tits up! Always does. 'Oh, look at me, I'm a lucky aardvark I am, everything works out okay for me, I'm a clever bugger!' you've really gone and done it now!"

Rap sighed heavily as he reached into his two friends, who were now throwing punches, and pushed them apart. "That's not going to solve anything, is it?" he asked loudly and firmly. "Wherever we are, we're in one piece and we're alive again. Let's be thankful for that."

But Rave was having none of it, "oh yes, thank you Anar for bringing us to an unfamiliar planet at the arse-end of the galaxy where we can promptly die of disease or starvation or exposure!"

"You're literally a dinosaur you plonk! You can eat squirrel and be fine."

"I'll eat you if I have to!"

"Sure," Anar sneered, "because that worked out so well for you the last time didn't it?"

"Right!"

Rap was almost crying with frustration now, "will you two just stop fighting over everything all the time?"

"Is there a problem here?"

All three turned to look at the brave (yet foolish) intruder who had encroached on their domestic quarrel.

It was a dragon. A dragon with a pair of sunglasses perched on his long, scaly head, wearing a leather jacket, jeans and motorcycle boots. The Dragon smiled widely, as though he were a long-lost friend who was glad to see them again.

"Fuck off!" Rave snapped.

Anar poked the grumpy velociraptor sharply in a rib to shush him. Rap also nodded for him to pipe down, and Rave reluctantly took a step back, putting his fangs away.

It was only now that some semblance of background was visible to them, it was as though a curtain had been yanked back to reveal a splendid vista. Little hills, a tidy town filled with oldy-worldy houses that were more wood and mud than what the former Earth residents were used to, and stone-strewn tracks riddled with cart ruts. Medieval would be the word he'd use if Anar's poor brain wasn't already a bit fried from the whole 'two suns' thing.

"No problem," he replied hollowly, still taking in the sight before them. How was he going to drive his Ferrari on these crappy paths?! Where was his fancy Italian sports car anyway? It should have been dispatched here with him. Trust Hell to muck up something as simple as a one-way trip back Upstairs!

The Dragon continued looking happy, "well that's good. I take it you're new here?"

"You could say that..."

"Where is 'here' exactly?" Rave demanded before being glared at and slinking back again. "Just askin'" he grumbled, "no crime in askin'."

"You're in Bellait. The capital city..." came the answer. The Dragon remained motionless, his scales changing colour with a flicker.

Anar felt a tickle at the back of his neck, there was something about this guy, almost as though he should be familiar... he had a blue aura around him, the sign of magic - well he was a dragon wasn't he? That was to be expected. They were full of the stuff.

He flexed his fingers and concentrated for a moment. Nothing happened. No curious bubbling of magical power surged in his blood. He was back to his old mortal self all right, unable to perform any amazing acts of sorcery. Dragons were magical, mystical pains in the arses but right now one could be very handy to have around indeed. His gut (that he always listened to) was gurgling with hunger and he was reminded that although food in the Underworld was a luxury, much the same as sleep, here back Upstairs it was kind of vital for mortals. He had The Bag with him of course, it was slung over his shoulder, but there were only so many Mars Bars and Pot Noodles you could eat before dying of malnutrition. Or coming down with scurvy.

"You want to know what planet you've found yourself on though, don't you?" The Dragon continued smugly, "so you're definitely not from around here. Truth is that I'm not either. Why don't we explore together? Maybe find ourselves a bite to eat?"

Despite better judgement, they nodded.

So much for a capital city! It was barely a village. As they walked towards it, Rap threw curious glances to his aardvarkian pal until Anar hissed out the corner of his mouth, "what?"

"Nothing!" Rap squeaked.

"Bullshit. What? I don't have the horns and wings anymore, of course I'm gonna look funny."

"Yeah, it's probably that. No worries, mate."

Rave wanted in on the conversation after being hushed previously, "he's right, you do look a bit odd. Odder than normal... I'm not starting nuffin'!" he said, shaking his head defensively. "Just... the grey hair, well it looks a bit... greyer. And the lines round your eyes. Line-ier."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Anar huffed, "I completed my contract. I'm back to my nineteen year old self. Thats the whole appeal of working Downstairs! You don't age."

Rap looked to Rave and words were said. Words such as 'contract' and 'deleted'.

"What?"

Rave gasped. He looked happy. This was never a good sign.

"I'm going to throttle someone in a bloody minute! What?"

"Well this looks nice," The Dragon paused at the front of a pub, or tavern, and tilted his head, "shall we, gentlemen?"

The dinosaurs looked around.

"He means us," Anar remarked darkly. He pushed open the creaky old door and stopped dead.

Well, not quite dead. But he was certainly stunned to a standstill. Back on their Earth, anthropomorphic animals weren't exactly rare, but the majority of the population were human. They were everywhere. Anar had never entered a building before and not seen a single homo sapiens present. Until today. Just where in the galaxy were they? And how exactly were they going to get home?

Rave gave him a shove inside impatiently, eager for a pint. "Oh look Big Ears, we fit in nicely here. Freaks everywhere!"

Heads turned.

"Did you really have to say that?" he sighed.