Good Enough Chapter 17
#18 of Good Enough
TALKING! SAYING THINGS!
Chapter Seventeen--Right Kind of Wrong
Damien sat beside Thomas on an empty bench, his heart thumping painfully in his chest. Thomas didn't look up at him, bringing out his phone instead to scroll through it as though he was completely unable to bring himself to look over. Damien wasn't faring much better. He was only taking small glances over at Thomas. They were both silent. One uncomfortable minute passed... then another unbearable moment...
"I'm sorry," Damien finally said, needing to break the silence. "I'm so sorry... I don't know why I did it. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry... I understand if you're mad at me but--"
"So, how long?"
"What?" Damien asked.
"How long have you liked me?" Thomas questioned.
"I don't--"
"It's all here," Thomas remarked. "And Ozzy's a lot of things, but he's not a liar." Thomas handed his phone over to Damien. He had been replying to Ozzy who had, very clearly, explained what Damien wished could've been kept hidden. The journal; Damien's crush... Was it even worth trying to deny it now?
"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I feel this way. I get it if you want to try to get a new roommate," Damien said. "Maybe Ozzy can--"
"You're ducking my question," Thomas said and he looked over. Damien couldn't look into those eyes right now. His heart was already hurting and he knew looking up would make it worse. "How long?"
"I don't know," Damien confessed. "It just happened. I started thinking about it more and more after your first game... and then it just kept going on in my head. I don't know what's wrong with me but--"
"Breathe," Thomas said. "Look, I'm going to get us something to drink. Can I trust you not to run away again?"
Damien felt as if he could make a joke, but he made the mistake of meeting Thomas's gaze. What was it in those eyes that compelled him to stare, to lose himself in a sea of gold and an ocean of jade?
"I'll stay here..."
"Promise?"
"Yes, sir."
"Don't call me 'sir'," Thomas remarked, standing. "It's weird."
Damien watched him walk away and let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Then, he pulled out his phone, firing off the angriest text message he could muster, ranting and raving, allowing every bit of anger and betrayal he felt flow from his body onto the phone and, hopefully, then to Ozzy's.
He was ready to send the message when he hesitated. What was Ozzy playing at? Of all the people who knew Thomas and could guess at Thomas's reaction, Ozzy was the only one who could read him like an open book. So, why tell him? Was this Ozzy's way of getting rid of him? Damien thought back--Ozzy had never tried to get rid of him. If anything...
Damien erased the hateful message, replacing it with a simple question: You planned this, didn't you? And he sent it. He waited. And the message came, cryptic and brief.
It's up to the pawn to take the king.
Damien took a deep breath and texted back: What?
But no reply came. Damien sat there, nervous and wishing he could disappear, but just as he started to ease himself up, he caught sight of Thomas returning holding two bottles of soda. He took a deep breath and braced himself for the hatred to come.
But Thomas simply handed him the soda and sat back down before opening his own. He downed half of it quickly.
"Thomas, I--"
Thomas put a finger to Damien's lips, silencing him at once. "You had your say, now it's my turn." He moved his finger back. "I've already gotten the whole story from Ozzy. Now, I want to hear exactly what's going through your head. I'm not like Ozzy; I'm not majoring in psychology. So, I can't just guess and I don't want to just take his word."
"What do you want from me?"
"The truth. Do you like me?"
"Y-yeah. You're one of my best--"
"Don't jerk me around," Thomas interrupted and Damien flinched. "Do you like me in a romantic way?"
Damien couldn't find any words at all, much less the right ones. And he could've sworn that he could feel the tears in his eyes. His breathing started to come harder. Why couldn't he speak? "I..."
"Just say yes or no. I don't want an explanation. I don't want you to apologize. I just want to hear the truth."
"...Yes," Damien managed.
"I see... I've got to be honest, I was starting to think that you did..."
"How?"
"Little things you did, certain things you said," Thomas answered. "You were always pretty nice to me, but sometimes I wondered why you were almost too nice. Do you remember that one storm? Back when you played your guitar for me?"
"Yes..."
"An ordinary roommate would've been annoyed beyond belief. A friend would've tried to comfort me. But you did more... You kept close to me. Hell, we slept in the same bed together." He let out a strangled chortle, mirthless and awkward.
"Do you hate me now?" Damien questioned, his ears flattened against his head.
"No."
"I thought you hated gays," Damien said. "I mean, every time I brought up anything having to do with gays, you got angry."
"I didn't get angry, I got nervous," Thomas corrected. "And if what Ozzy's said is true, then you already know what happened between him and me." He breathed. "Yeah, we were friends with benefits for a while. It was in high school. I was curious at the time and he's just a bit of a nymphomaniac." He chuckled again, but this one sounded more genuine. "To be honest, I used to think I might be gay or even bi."
"So why are you so down on the idea of being gay?"
After a slight pause, Thomas said, "Dear old dad was... violently homophobic." Thomas took another swig from his soda. "There was an incident when Teddy--Theo--was in middle school. I wasn't there, but when Dad went to bring him home... I'd never seen him so scared. And when he told me what happened, it really made me think."
"What was it?"
"Theo had kissed one of his friends. That's it," Thomas explained. "Dad had picked him up from his chess club and saw him kiss his friend. They were just testing it, experimenting to see what it was like even having a kiss. But Dad just went off. And he talked to me afterward, saying to keep Theo away from that raccoon. To make sure that they never talked again."
Damien's curiosity was too much to bear. "Do you hate gays?"
"I don't. To be honest, the more I think about it, the more I think that I'm at least bi. At the very least."
Damian felt the tiniest amount of relief at Thomas' words. "Do you hate me?"
"No."
"Are you mad?"
"No. Just confused."
"So what's going to happen now?" Damien asked hesitantly.
"I don't know."
Several moments passed and they both sat, silent, serious, contemplative.
"I understand if you want to try to get a new roommate."
"Did I ever say that I was going to do that?" Thomas questioned. Damien shook his head. "Exactly. I was caught off-guard and was surprised, but... you're still Damien and I'm still Thomas and we're not trying to kill each other."
"Then... can I...?"
"Can you what?"
Damien shook his head. He couldn't ask that question now. He wiped his eyes and uncapped his soda. The chilled cola splashed down his throat and he hoped Thomas would talk, just to deflect the question.
"What would your parents say if you told them you were gay?" Thomas wondered.
Damien swallowed the soda in his mouth. He thought for a moment. "I don't know. Nate and Amy don't care. Hell, Nate and Ozzy had a bet going about us. And apparently, Nate just lost twenty bucks." He let out a small laugh. "But my parents..." Damien shrugged. "I don't know. They've never really been for or against it. I never brought it up because I didn't think I'd ever fall for a guy."
"So, if you were to tell them that you were dating another guy, you have no idea what'd they do?"
"Not really. Truthfully though, I don't think I'd want to tell them right away," Damien confessed. "Maybe later."
"Okay... I can work with that."
"What?" Damien nearly squawked. His ears flicked upward.
"I've realized something, just sitting here. Talking. Thinking. I've realized that you were always nearby. If you weren't right next to me, I could easily get you on the phone or text you. You like being close to me, don't you?"
Damien nodded, feeling strangely invigorated.
"And I like being close by you," Thomas admitted and he looked away. He seemed sheepish now, shy, and Damien was almost positive he was embarrassed. "I mean, you're a really cool guy and all and you're pretty fun to be around." He took a deep breath. "Look, what I'm getting at is... I mean... Fuck, why can't I just say this?"
"Say what?" Damien asked. He wanted to hear it--he needed to.
"Well, waking up beside you was pretty cool. And when that damned hyena was teasing you... I don't think I ever got mad at him calling me your boyfriend. I was just mad that he was harassing you like that. I didn't care that he called me a fag or whatever. I just wanted you to be happy. So, would it make you happy to--maybe--go out?"
"Like a date?"
"Not like a date. An actual date. With me. I mean, if it's okay? And we can keep it secret if you want to. I don't want to, but--"
Damien was tired of mincing words. He was tired of waiting to hear it, of listening to Thomas ramble on with his own chaotic words and thoughts. He grabbed Thomas's face and forced his eyes to meet his own. For a moment, he questioned whether or not he should, or even if he dared... But as he leaned in closer, all thought fled. For that moment, it was just him and Thomas, a husky and a panther. He didn't care that they were beginning to get strange looks or that he heard whispering.
He was having the kiss he had dreamed of for months.
When he pulled back, Thomas was smiling. "So, do you want to give it a try?" he asked. "We can keep it secret if you want to."
"Am I really worthy of a star quarterback who can pick any cheerleader he wants?" Damien joked, tail wagging.
"Am I worthy of a rock star who can have any groupie he wants?" Thomas countered. And they were laughing again. "Is that a yes?"
"I think it is... but only if can get another kiss..."
Thomas chuckled. "I suppose I can do that for you."
"See? I told you they'd get together!" Ozzy declared as they were leaving the park. Damien and Thomas kept passing covert glances at one another as they walked. "Cough up the cash, doggy!"
"Fuck," Nathan griped to their friends. He fished out twenty dollars from his wallet and slapped into Ozzy's paw. "You two couldn't have waited until you were back at school to start fucking? I could've really used that cash for some quality porn."
"You actually pay for porn?" Ozzy laughed.
And, within seconds, Damien and Thomas were listening to the exchange between them, smiling as they walked together, their fingers interlocked. The ladies walked a few paces behind and the males ahead, leaving the two of them in between.
"So, good date?" Thomas asked.
"Yeah. An awesome one," Damien said. "But are you comfortable with this?"
Thomas shrugged. "Not one hundred percent. But I figure I need to confront this eventually."
"Confront what?"
"Me. You. Us," Thomas said with a shrug.
"Was there an 'us' before?" Damien queried.
"Before, it was just friendly. This... this is something that'll take some getting used to on both sides."
"So... is it too soon to give you a gift?"
"A what?"
"A gift." Damien stopped and reached for his wrist. "I picked these out at one of the gift shops. I bought two because I wasn't sure if I should give you one." He unlatched one of the bracelets he was wearing and latched it onto Thomas's wrist. "Hope you like it."
Thomas leaned down, kissing Damien so quickly that Damien couldn't react. All he could do was melt into the kiss with his tail wagging, the warmth that flowed through him as he allowed himself to sink into this sense of rightness. He didn't even care that both Ozzy and Nathan had taken photos or that Amy was crooning at how cute they looked. He smiled as he pulled away. He gently tugged at one of Thomas's whiskers.
"You know your dad would say this is wrong."
"I know," Thomas remarked, "But maybe it's the right kind of wrong."