Valentine Valkyrie
Valentine Valkyrie * * * Okay. All systems are go! I smell good, fur is not too ruffled, and I dressed nice today. It's time to hit on Amy. I'm gonna melt her face off with my suaveness and sensitive nature. She'll be my feet, weeping with joy and begging for me to meet her parents. It is time to think up a one-liner that is so amazing, so cute, and so utterly sexy that she will be filled with a feral lust which will burn deep within her soul until she kisses me. But no! Such an act would only cause her to give in to her ravenous desire! She must try and resist my charm, or else she would be like a teenage Pandora, opening up a big wolf-shaped box of sexiness to be unleashed upon the world of women! Here it comes! I can feel my creative juices flowing within! Time to say it! "Hey! What's new with you Amy?" "Oh... uh... no," she said before returning to her sketching in art class. What? What the hell? That's not even an answer to my question! Am I invisible? Do I have some kind of girl deterrent on me? It's not like I'm sitting here drawing pictures of decomposing dinosaurs like Weird Mike is. I don't get it. I'd like to think that I'm a conventionally good looking wolf who is not a complete creep. Sure, black fur might make me a little more distinctive, but I like my brown and grey fur. Maybe the girls don't think I look absolutely stunning, but c'mon, personality has to count for something. Right? I mean, I'm a nice guy. In fact, if I got in a fight, I would probably bitch out. That means I'm sensitive! Girls like sensitive guys, don't they? Heck, I cry at movies! I still read books! Whatever, it's time for lunch. I got up as the bell rang and walked out in defeat. There is just no way for me to bond with these ladies. Sure I know lots of nice girls, but that's the problem! I've known them for years! There is no mystery! It would be like dating my sister... if I had a sister... and she was hot... I fetched my lunch from my locker and I blanked out until I was sitting at my usual lunch table with Massively Gay Mark. My jaguar friend was wearing rainbow colored arm warmers and his neon, techno-raver pants. I think that I saw Mark in a pair of jeans once, couldn't tell you when though. "How did your usual Wednesday flirt with Amy go?" he asked. "Not so well. She spaced out and didn't even process what I said to her. I asked what was up with her and she just said, "Uhh... no." "You poor baby!" exclaimed Mark as he brought his hands up to his face in horror, "She's just a dummy. You are a massive cutie and she just can't see it." "Thanks Mark, but I'm afraid that it's only you and my mother who think so." Mark pointed one of his colorful paws at me and proclaimed, "LIES!" "Oh yeah?" I asked as I got a bit hopeful. "Yeah," he said, "Uh... my mom thinks you're cute too." "Oh that's just great." "Oh come on! You are a cutie, don't tell me you look at that face in the mirror every morning and think you're an ugly duck. I'd date you," he offered. "Yeah Mark. I know you would date me. But I just like having you as a friend, okay?" "Alright," he said in a disappointed tone, "But if you ever change your mind..." "Yeah I know Mark. Don't worry, I have your number on speed-dial. You'll be the first to know," I said. "Are you sure?" Mark asked. "Yes I'm sure; but there is something in my DNA which tells me that I need titties in my face." "Okay, well do you want to go with me and some of my friends to the movies tonight? It's not a date, I promise," offered Mark. "But there will be all of those Valentine's Day couples there!" I complained. "Well, you might find someone there. Like maybe one of the girls who works the counter. You know what the problem is for you? There just isn't anything new here. You need someone who doesn't go to this school." I had never thought of it like that before, but Mark was right. I needed someone new, someone who I don't see everyday. I need a girl who doesn't eat the same things for lunch that I do, a girl who I haven't known since kindergarten. I needed a foreigner! I need to meet some wild woman from the Amazon! On second thought, a girl from the next town over wouldn't be so bad. * * *
That night
- * * I got out of Mark's car at the movie theatre and took a look around the packed parking lot. It was very crowded, even for Valentine's Day! There was no way I would be able to meet any ladies tonight. Every single one that I saw was hanging on the shoulders of some quarter backer. I walked up to Mark and his current boyfriend to say that I was going to the quickie mart for some candy and drinks to hide in my coat for the flick. They asked for a few things, but since Mark is paying for all of us, I really don't mind getting some candy for them to split. I walked around the theatre's neon lit front to its emergency exit populated back. On second thought, this might not be such a good idea. It's awful dark and filled with trash. I saw a leather clad hobo stealing some copper wire from the back of the theater, so I decided to pick up the pace. How did I go from a teenage hotspot to the seediest part of town? *WHUMP* After the shock wore off, I could tell that I was being crushed against a brick wall. I looked up to see a massive, teenage canine of some sort. His breath was laced with the smell of cheap beer and cigarettes. He was having an eventful night, and I guess that robbing me of $20 was going to be the pinnacle. "Give me your money... bitch," he said tacking on the "bitch" as a sort of afterthought. It was as if he could even think of the word. "Hey man, I don't need any of your macho bullshit. Go eat a pizza and sober up in the backseat of a "shagin' wagon" somewhere," I said. Maybe that wasn't the best choice of words. Especially since they made him start bashing my head against the bricks. I tried to bite his hand, but even drunk he was stronger than me. I heard something viciously whip open behind him before he grabbed his crotch with the classic "DOHHH" face which says he just took a shot to the family jewels, or in his case, the family zircon. He fell on his side and purged after his apparent night of Valentine's Day binge drinking. I looked up from the massive mess the guy was making to see my guardian angel. It was the hobo, and never before had I seen a prettier one. A resplendent white wolf was holding a policeman's collapsible baton. She was covered in leather from head to toe and the black material only made her fur stand out more. To me, all of her fur was glowing in the dark brighter than the neon on the movie theater's sign. When I saw her eyes, I almost passed out a little. I couldn't tell if it was from the head smashing, or just how amazingly blue they were. I have met my soul mate. She steals copper wire and pops scrotums with riot gear. "Hi, are you okay?" she asked. "Uh... yeah. I need to go home or something though." "Yeah, I'll say. Turn around so I can see the back of your head," she said. After a quick look with a penlight, she turned me back around and smacked her baton on the ground to close it. "You're bleeding really bad, but cuts on heads always bleed a lot. Look, let's go inside and get you cleaned up before I haul your ass home," she said before grabbing one of my arms and guiding me towards the front of the building. "You're taking me home?" I asked. "Hell yeah I'm taking you home!" she said, "You took some shots to the head and that's the least I could do for you. Plus, I think you saw me liberating some precious metal, so I kinda need you to keep your mouth shut." "Is that it?" I asked. "Well... look... I normally wouldn't give a shit about something like that, but he was wreaking your face. He was so much bigger than you! It just wasn't cool," she explained as she pushed open the doors to the theater. "Ah... well I'm glad you sack-tapped him with your night stick. Thank you." "Oh please. Don't do that," my savior ordered, "You were doing so well after that line you laid on him. That was classic. He's got a hundred pounds on you, and you're still like, "Hey, you want to rob me? Why don't you bite my dick?" "That's not exactly what I said, but yeah, I guess that's what I said, but I didn't say that, I meant that... uh... I really need to go home." "That's what we're doing!" she said as she hauled me into the women's rest room. "Uh... we're in the girl's bathroom." "This isn't one of those sensitive joints that have a gender neutral bathroom, so I figured this would be preferable to a line of guys pissing on a wall and shaking their dicks," she explained. "That makes sense," I said as she put my head in a sink while she turned on the water of another one and got some paper towels. I stared at the white porcelain, and decided that her fur was whiter as she tended to the back of my head. When we left the bathroom, I saw Mark in line to buy some overpriced candy. I walked over to him with some help from the white beauty. "You're not looking so good. Oh, and where the heck were you? You left for candy like half an hour ago!" he said. "He got robbed," she explained. "Wait... half an hour ago? I've only been gone five minutes... tops!" I said. I turned to the white wolf and asked, "Did I pass out?" "For a bit," she said. "I don't remember passing out," I commented. "That happens sometimes," she said. "Okay... Well, Mark, I got robbed, but she clubbed the guy and helped me get cleaned up." "Wow," he said, "I've never met someone who got robbed before... Do you want to go home?" "I'll take him home," said my new friend. I lazily pointed a finger at her and said, "She'll take me home... uh... she just said that... I was a little late with that..." "Well, we haven't met. Thanks for saving my friend," said Mark, "I'm Mark, I'm his gay friend." The white wolf shook Mark's hand and said, "That's apparent. My name is Shelby, I steal shit." Mark confusedly shook his head a few times before saying, "Well then, are you sure you want to go home with this chick?" "Yeah Mark. She's alright. Enjoy your date." Shelby dragged me away from the worried jaguar and into the parking lot. "You didn't pick up on this," she started, "But I said that "you got robbed". I got there before you got robbed, remember?" "Yeah." She held up a $20 bill and said, "Well... you actually got robbed. I sneaked this while you were out." "You saucy wench," I said as I snatched the bill back. She giggled a little as I stuffed my money back into my pants. "I just couldn't keep it," she admitted, "You're such a cutie that I couldn't keep it. Plus, you're kind of funny when you're dopey like this." My heart stopped when she said that I was cute. I had to pry. "You really think I'm cute?" I asked. "Sure! You have nice ears," she said. "My ears?" I asked. "They look nice and soft... Now, do you want to go home or what?" she asked quickly switching back to her usual demeanor. "That would be nice, where is your car at Shelby?" "I have a motorcycle, and it's right over here." She tugged me to a modest, red motorcycle and pulled an extra helmet out of the side bags for me. I popped it on my head and got on the little seat after she sat down. "Hold on really tight," she ordered. I wrapped my arms around her middle and in my mind, I was sneering, "Okaaayyy Shelby" in the geekiest voice I could manage. She started the engine and we roared out of the parking lot. Everything looks different at night and it all looks especially different when you have a head injury. I paid no mind to the throbbing in the back of my head, and merely focused on holding on to the gorgeous girl in front of me as the staccato lights and lonely gas stations flashed by. I wanted it to last longer, but we arrived at my house in no time. "How did you know where I live Shelby?" "You told me on the way over here. Don't you remember? You know, you really should go to the hospital tomorrow. Here," she pushed some wadded up cash into my hand, "that should take care of your co-pay." I gave Shelby a confused look but she just said, "It's not my money silly. I took it off the drunk guy. I want you to have it." "Awww..." I exclaimed, "thank you Shelby, that's really nice." She smiled and said, "Before you spend it, put my number in your phone, I scribbled it on one of the bills. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can hang out? You can even bring Mark so it will be a fair fight." "Thanks. Trust me, I'll do that Shelby." "I thought you would. See you around," she started to leave, but then she turned and said, "Hey, what's your name anyway?" "I'll tell you next time," I said. She laughed and said, "Alright mystery man, bye!" before she jumped on her bike and sped away. I watched her until she was out of sight. Shelby is exactly what I need in my life. Never had I met a girl who was so cool, so hot, or so hot. She's hot. I would let her do terrible, despicable things to me. I wandered inside and after I convinced my mom that I hadn't been involved in a biker gang fight, she cleaned up my head good and proper and I went to bed. What a night...