FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The afternoon sun shone through the bay window at the front of the house, filtering through the many wooden boxes stacked around the room. Niv was deep into emptying one, mostly of books, when a light rapping at the door called for his attention. With a few items still in hand, he took a moment to carefully organize them on the large shelf nearby.

Even after living in Val'En for a couple years, he was still not accustomed to random guests, and crept up to the curtains for a peek. His heart sank as he saw the head shaman of the village, Sab'ri'Yuum, standing outside. Taking a moment to work up his nerve, he almost wished for a stranger instead. He already felt uneasy around the Fioan as it was, but recently becoming in-laws had only amplified that. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

At eye-level, Niv was greeted with a broad, muscled torso of cream and orange colored fur, accented with bold, black stripes. Straight, knee-length hair was the man's only modesty above the waist, glossy white and shining in the sun. A row of silvery beads sat around his wide hips like a belt, and from them hung a set of pouches and a large loincloth. It bore the Tul'taan'ii family crest in red and blue on the front, its low edges flirting with his ankles in the breeze.

While waiting, Sab had taken to admiring the flowers that hung by the door, gingerly supporting one with his fingertips and sampling its aroma. Niv looked up to see a vibrantly blue eye, a pale scarred eye and a polite smile as the feline noticed him.

“Hello Niv." The tiger's deep voice rumbled pleasantly.

“Good afternoon, sir. Ehm-" Niv attempted a traditional greeting he'd been learning. Or trying to at least; he fumbled the start and had forgotten the rest, earning himself a pained but sympathetic look from the elder. Sab spared him further embarrassment with a raised hand and gentle tone.

“Please, it is not necessary. I mean no offence, but my Common is maybe better than your Fioan." His accent was strong, but he spoke in a deliberate and thoughtful manner that made Niv suspect he was aware of this. “I do not mind."

“More than 'maybe', I think." Niv readily conceded under his breath. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “What, uh, what can I do for you, sir? Mela's not home at the moment…"

“…I see…" Sab nodded, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Could I trouble you, then, to let her know that our meeting tomorrow will run longer than expected?"

“Right… Lunch..." Niv cast a thoughtful glance to the floor. “Uhhhh, I think…" he stalled as he scanned the area around himself, “…I can…" he stepped away from the door, finding a pencil and scrap of paper. “…Yes." He returned, and began scribbling down the information. “Do you know how long?"

“At least an hour, but perhaps more." Sab said.

“Alright… I'll uh, make sure she knows." Niv nodded, finishing the note.

“Thank you." Sab dipped his head in a small bow.

“Of course, sir." Niv replied.

“You…" Sab hesitated, but was already committed to speaking up, “…could join us." He sounded unsure about his offer. “…If you like."

“Oh, uhhh. I dunno…" Niv looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “I'd probably just be in your way." He shrugged, offering a contrite smile, though even he wasn't convinced. He was sure it was what the man wanted to hear, but attempted to bolster his excuse anyway. “A-and it's… very short-notice for me anyway, so..."

“I understand." Sab replied with a nod and another polite smile. “I should be on my way then. Thank you again."

“Of course. Enjoy your day, sir." Niv said.

“You as well." Sab bowed his head and walked away.

Niv began to close the door, pausing a moment to watch the Fioan. Thoughts about the encounter already started to crowd his mind with noise. As the door shut with a click, he looked over all the unpacking left to do. Thinking about it made him feel tired. Thinking about his father-in-law made him feel heavy. He took a deep breath, letting out a long sigh as he slouched against the door.

*****

Niv stared into his coffee, stirring it idly as he and Mela shared a quiet breakfast. The day before weighed on his thoughts and he argued with himself about saying something. He didn't get the chance to decide this time, though. As was often the case, he'd accidentally invited Mela's curiosity. A thousand yard stare and an untouched plate of food were too much for her to ignore. She nudged him beneath table with her foot, and he saw the look she was giving him. Her intent registered, 'what's wrong?', and he turned back to his coffee with a guilty frown. He took a deep breath and sighed, breaking the silence with a somber tone.

“I don't think your father likes me…"

“Hmm? Why wouldn't he like you?" Mela responded, her mouth full.

“I dunno…" Niv sighed, pausing to think. Mela gave him the space, watching him closely. “Any time we talk, he always seems kind of… distant? Like he doesn't want to be there." He explained. “He's nice and polite, but it's always short and to the point, and then he's gone. Like he can't get away soon enough, but wants to hide it."

“Hmm." Mela pondered his words, chewing thoughtfully.

“I just…" Niv spoke more softly, “I don't know what I did…"

“I don't think you did anything, sweetheart." Mela assured him.

“Well… something has to be going on. I can't think of another reason why." He gave her a helpless look. Mela finished with her food and scooted her chair closer to his, putting on her detective voice.

“When did you start noticing this?" She asked.

“I-I dunno…" Niv said. “It's a bit… complicated? Like, things have always felt a little off, but I mostly thought that was just… me being me." He gave her a knowing glance as he tapped at his temple. “But it kept eating at me, until one day I looked back and realized it couldn't just be in my head." He paused to gather his thoughts. “So I sort of noticed from the start, but… wasn't aware of it until later. If that sounds right?" He didn't sound confident.

“I'm with you." Mela affirmed. “So, why did you not say anything?" It was clear in her tone she didn't intend to make him feel guilty, but was instead genuinely asking for his reason.

“It never felt like enough." Niv said. “I couldn't make a strong enough case to myself, so there was no way anyone else…" He stopped, folding his hands on his lap. He took a calming breath, in and out, lowering his voice. “I didn't think anyone would believe me."

“I believe you." Mela assured him, touching his arm. “Knowing what to look for, I can absolutely see what you're talking about." She raised a finger, adding, “But I also know papa better than anyone. Well, maybe not Tabby… Or Jade…" She waived away the digression. “Point being; I'm certain there's more to it than that." Niv frowned, skeptical of the idea. “Would you be interested in coming to lunch with me? We could sort this out pretty quick." Mela offered, but noticed his hesitation. “I understand if not."

“He… already invited me, and I made an excuse not to go… like I do." He admitted, giving her a sheepish glance. “The offer didn't feel very genuine. Like he wouldn't have said anything if I didn't already know, and he just didn't want to seem rude. And it just…" His hands were beginning to shake, and he didn't know what to do with them. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he deflated in his seat. “Just more of what I've been saying. And the reason it was on my mind."

“I see." Mela nodded. “I'll see what I can do at lunch, then. Discreetly." She said, addressing the concern on his face. “Now, tell me why it bothers you."

“Is that not obvious?" Niv questioned.

“Oh, it is, but that's not the point. It's an exercise." She explained. “It takes thought and consideration to draw vague and wispy ideas down from the aether of the mind, and shape them into something concise. Something manageable, that we can present to others." She continued. “That process can also help you deal with an issue you're having. And it will help me to look in the right places."

“You sound like your dad in work mode." Niv teased her, faking an upset expression. She just shrugged and stuck her tongue out. Considering the concept with a genuine frown, he attempted to tame his thoughts into that concise, presentable idea. Mela seized upon the opportunity to casually steal a bit of food from his plate.

“He's an important man," Niv began slowly, eyes wandering over the table, speaking faster as he continued, “with a lot of influence. Being a good judge of character is part of his job. It comes with the implicit support of the whole community. What…" He stopped, propping his elbow on his lap and holding his chin. “What does it say about me if he feels that way?"

His eyes began to move more frantically, his expression showing the building worry of the thoughts inside. Mela again gave him the space to wrangle them. When they finally came out, it was in rapid succession, each thought a little louder and little more anxious than the one before it. He became more animated as he spoke, more agitated as he gestured emphatically.

“What if people find out?

-What if everyone starts to hate me?

-Will I have to leave?"

“Sweetie." Mela tried to interrupt, frowning.

“What if you're forced to choose?"

“Sweetheart." She tried again.

“I wouldn't choose me."

“ Niv." Mela grabbed his arm firmly. His attention snapped straight to her and they locked eyes. His face was saturated with guilt as he deflated under her gaze, turning back to his coffee.

“Sorry." He said quietly.

“You don't need to be." She assured him, squeezing his arm gently. “And you already chose yourself once, or you wouldn't be here."

“That's…" He started to argue, but conceded with a nod “Yeah, you're right." One issue was enough, now wasn't the time. She slid her hand up his arm, threading her fingers through his.

“Hey." She waited for him to look at her again, speaking softly. “None of that stuff is gonna happen. Everything will be okay."

“Logically, I know that's true." Niv conceded again, unconsciously rubbing her thumb with his own. “But my f-" he stopped himself, “…those thoughts aren't logical."

“I know." Mela said with a warm smile. “We'll get it sorted out, don't you worry."

“As if I have a choice now." Niv replied with defeated sarcasm.

“Shush." Mela nudged him playfully. “You've got literally the best person for this on your side." She leaned in close, pressing her shoulder to his and tilting her head toward him, kissing his temple. “Because she chooses you."