Coalescence Book I - Chapter 26 - Mourning
Chapter 26 - Mourning
-W-
My chest felt heavy, the wound in my shoulder seemed trivial next to the hurt I felt from his admission. Everything changed in that moment. The things I knew, the things I didn't know. The things I feared, what little there was that could scare me. I was alone. It felt like a part of me had broken off.. and we could not reattach it.
Connor held my head against him, stroking his fingers through my fur, rubbing my ears. I would have melted in his embrace, been elated and overjoyed. Would have been, if it had been any other time. Now I felt numb, broken, lost. Alone. He held me, but I could not feel him. I felt the warmth of his touch, but I could not reach for more, I could not feel the emotions that I normally could. The ones that had kept me grounded all this time, that had let me experience things through his own eyes even if I never could see until leaving him.
He did it with good intentions, I understood this.. he did it to help my injury.. because I was not conscious to help him myself. In that way, I was equally to blame.. The world of sorrow was swallowing me whole and I was too weak to avoid drowning in it. His touch brought me back, pulled me from the abyss I was letting take me. My human could see I had been drowning and he lifted my head out, lifted my chin to look at him. He reassured me that I could still stay with him, be with him. That helped.. but the threat of plunging back into sorrow loomed close.
"Are you hungry?.. You never ate after the hunt.. I still have some meat in the fridge. I'm sure you need to keep up your strength."
His voice was calming, but he sounded tired. I wasn't hungry, even though I felt empty.. but I nodded my head slowly regardless. I would eat. I knew meat brought me strength and I did not care to feel weak any more. Silence washed through his home as I watched him retrieve the remainder of the meat from the fridge, setting it in the metal tub in the counter and running steamy water over the bags.
It took me a moment to figure out why, but when he passed me a chunk of the meat I understood.. it had been cold, some parts still were, but he had tried to warm it up for me. When he had heated it too much a time before it had become far too dry, horrid. I enjoyed it fresh, raw.. more blood would have been nice but this would do. The warm parts did taste better. I tore into the meat slowly, letting him feed me. It seemed a little odd, letting him bring pieces of meat to my maw but my arms were feeling rather.. heavy. Faint. Like they were entirely connected to me. My legs felt the same, I would need to be careful when I attempted to stand next.
As if reading my mind.. or perhaps he was just following my gaze, Connor patted at my side lightly, "Don't go trying to get up or walk yet alright? I am not going to be able to pick you up if you collapse.. Just rest for now. We'll see how you do overnight."
He was in charge, I had little choice but to begrudgingly nod and finish the meat he brought me. The way he kept looking at me had me wondering how much of my pain still remained on my face. The emotion flooding through me was eerily similar to the one that I had felt from my human when he had experienced such loss, the night that spurred me to come out for the first time. When he was deep in mourning.
Now it was him who was trying to comfort me, in my state. The injury meant nothing to me compared to the loss of my home, of the way things were. How long it would take me to heal was unknown.. but it would happen. Of that I was certain. What I was uncertain of, was if our link had been permanently severed. That thought was devastating, but I attempted to put it out of my mind. Perhaps I simply needed rest, my human seemed to think so, urging me to after changing the bloody cloth on my shoulder. My eyes felt heavy as I watched him, wondering if there would at least be something positive to come of this.. maybe if I healed I could walk alongside him? That made me a little hopeful.. even if the hope was surrounded by grief. We would have to wait and see come morning.