Coalescence Book I - Chapter 24 - Pain
Chapter 24 - Pain
-W-
There was a warm feeling in my paw, holding it, squeezing it tight. My human's hand. His face was on my stomach, resting on me.. I could feel it but everything felt so far away. So distance. Everything was so dark and numb it almost felt like I was back in the safety of my home, but he was touching me.. holding me. I must be out in his world. This was strange.. I didn't remember coming out. Didn't seem to remember much of what had happened between hunting and now. The pig I remembered, stalking it, my stomach growling in anticipation.. then a blur of confusing feelings..
Then darkness.
There was still darkness, and weakly I opened my eyes to alleviate it. The light stung my eyes, made them ache, but I powered through the pain and looked down at my human's sleeping form. He was resting on me, a wet cloth clutched loosely in one hand and my paw in his other. Good.. I was relieved that he was keeping contact with me.. but no.
Wait.
Something was wrong. Something felt wrong. Felt off. There was a sinking feeling within me, something felt as if it were missing. My eyes roamed across my wet furred frame.. seeing a cloth stuck strangely to my chest, looking similar to what my human had wrapped his injured hand in. Was that it? Was that the feeling I had? I was simply injured? There was a dull pain in my chest and shoulder, but the moment I shifted an explosion of pain washed outwards from the spot. Enough to send my vision into the dark once more before I could focus on this light again. I was panting and trying not to move again, I did not wish to experience that a second time, but I knew it was not going to be the last time I felt such pain.
Worry filled me, something still felt off, it felt like a piece of me had been removed, more than just whatever wound lay beneath the cloth patch. Slowing my breathing I looked at Connor's face again.. I wished to wake him but I knew I shouldn't. He seemed to need his rest. Maybe I could feel him through our connection, feel him dreaming..
Reaching through where we touched I tried to feel for his mind but.. no, it wasn't there. Perhaps he was in a dreamless sleep.. or perhaps I was too weak to reach as I normally did.. Perhaps he wasn't making enough contact, just his cheek and hand.. and arm.. No, he was certainly pressed to me. The fault must be my own, my weakness. A soft growl rolled through my chest and up my throat, I did not care for this. This feeling of being weak. Injured. Delicate. In fact I refused to believe such a thing, I would rest and regain my strength but I knew in my belly that if my strength was needed to defend the two of us I would muster as much as was needed and fight through that horrid pain to protect us.
Luckily the danger was gone.. whatever had injured me seemed long gone, we were back in my human's den. Back with his food.. I could smell it faintly on the counter, or at least where it had been. It was long cleaned up now. My nose twitched at the scent of my own blood too, that scent was strong, it was everywhere.. though aside from some red seeped into the wet cloth in his fingers I saw very little blood. Certainly not enough for my nose to be sending as much as it was. There was a sharp tinge of something acidic smelling, fruit-like. It made my nose crinkle a bit, but I had smelled it before, after my human had cleaned up after my feeding.
Something else was on the air that I couldn't quite place, the briefest hints of something.. Something that smelled like the small white creature I had unfortunately eaten, but larger. I didn't understand, but I was also not in my strongest state of mind and body. Perhaps it was nothing, my human did not seem worried.. not if he was sleeping so peacefully.
Looking over the blood damp cloth in his hand made me feel a little surge of joy. My human must have cleaned me up. Leaning forward I nosed affectionately at his skull, sniffing his hair and internally clenching. The pain shot through my body after even that small movement. He stirred slightly, mumbling something incoherent. It was hard not to bother him, as much as I did not want to wake him, my nose continued to lightly rub at his hair and send steamy breaths through his sad, small tuft of fur. Eventually he stirred enough to wake, gripping my paw tighter and looking up at me.
"Guess I must have dozed off, sorry." He mumbled out quietly to me, but then his face twisted.
There was a look there that I couldn't quite read, sorrow? Guilt? Pain?
"I... I'm sorry." He apologized again, tears welling in his eyes, "I'm sorry.."
He said it again so quietly.. I didn't understand what he was apologizing for. My eyes flicked to the patched wound, then at him curiously, but he shook his head.
"Not for that.. I.. I had to stop the bleeding. I had to fix you up.. I had to let go.."
What did he mean by that? My head tilted and I winced at even that slight movement. He could see I did not understand.
"I'm sorry.. I had to let go..."
He stood up slowly, holding my paw and opening his fingers slowly. Deep instincts roared up quickly inside me and my digits curled tight around his hand, keeping it from leaving.
He slowly placed his other hand with the wet cloth atop our clenched hands, shaking his head, "It's too late.. I'm sorry. I let go while you were out of it.. I couldn't move you. I couldn't do anything, you were so heavy. I needed to let go.."
His tone kept hitting unexpected higher tones, choking as he struggled to speak, to tell me what he was apologizing for. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I stared at him.. struggling to understand. He let go? While I was in darkness he left me?
I had felt it.. the emptiness. That's what it was. That was why I couldn't feel him anymore. The connection. Our link. He had broken it. My flesh felt cold, my body numb.. he had let what bound us together break.. Yet still I lived? I could not feel him anymore. That loss had not been my end but.. what did it cost us?