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Virtually Real Part 36: Trauma

Retuning Characters

Prowl-Ar: tiger shifter Shadow Runner Captain

Kyle: Red XIII, Quad Shifter human, lion, wolf, eastern dragon. Shadow Runner Commander

Shock: fox shifter, diplomate, and streamer. Shadow Runner Communications Officer

Jordan: furry and Shadow Runner Chief Medical Officer.

I was cold, scared, confined, and naked. Worst of all I had the feeling this was normal. Then I felt loved and wanted. I didn't know why I felt that way, especially when I couldn't even remember my own name. The glass chamber opened with a hiss and I hesitated, bracing myself for the cold floor I somehow knew awaited me outside.

"Your mates tell me you're likely suffering from memory loss. However, if you relax and just let your memories return on their own, you should recover in ten to fifteen minutes."

A tall man approached me and placed silver cuffs on my wrists. "Am I a prisoner?" I asked in confusion.

The man laughed as he bent down and put a second set of cuffs on my ankles. "No." He paused, and I was surprised as a black skin tight suit grew out of the cuffs and coated my body. "Then again, I guess in a way you are a prisoner. You're the Captain of this ship."

"And you are?" I asked.

"I- I'm the ship's temporary medical officer."

Suddenly my memory snapped back, likely from the sadness in Jordan's voice. I reached out and pulled him into a hug. Standing on the raised platform we were about the same height. "No, you're my friend. Don't ever think that your time on the ship is temporary. You've seen things, which I really wish you hadn't, but you're still here. You're definitely a full crew member."

"I admit seeing you hitting the wall so violently was frightening, but I've known that sort of frustration and I can tell you'd never turn that anger on another living person."

"But in a way I did."

"Kyle showed me the simulation with the red dragon."

I slid to my knees. "I'd hoped Mahan had erased that."

"It was, disturbing, but ultimately not real. Don't even think about comparing yourself to the Grimm, either. Yes, Shock informed me about him. Actually everyone was quite informative. They're worried about you. I get the feeling, right now, they're scared you are going to cut them out of your life in the mistaken belief you're a threat to them."

"I- I can't risk hurting them." I stuttered.

"Tell me, which is worse, risking everything for the ones you love or being abandoned?"

"I can't risk being abandoned, not again. It’s better to cut myself off-"

"It's not just about you anymore. Your family are the ones betrayed and abandoned by the one they love. You know that feeling do you really want to force it onto them?"

Jordan helped me to my feet as I tried to find a way to respond. Even with his support I stumbled as we exited the room. My mind still reeling from what he said.

"If you don't mind my asking, why is the entrance to the Evolver in the restroom connected to the recreation deck cafeteria?"

"What better place to hide it than the highest traffic area of the ship? Besides that room, with no security, is more secure than the room with the most security. I mean who wants to spend more time in a public rest room than they have to? No, on second though don't answer that." I replied, thankful that he’s changed the topic.

He laughed as he had me sit at one of the tables. "Kyle said you don't drink coffee or tea. Not that I blame you I don’t much care for them either. Still, it astounds me how you could live as long as you have without developing a taste for one of them." He used the matter generator and placed a cup of hot lemon water in front of me. "He also informed me this is what you often drink to steady your nerves."

"Thank you." I took a sip. "It seems my mates really were overly informative."

"Only about things that might affect your physical or mental health. Still one thing bothers me, what did I do that set you off?"

"No. Don't ever think that. It wasn't about you. Well, it was, but it wasn't. I was angry at the people that hurt you."

"You said you wanted to go Grimm on them. As horrible as they were, I'd never wish them dead. I want you to promise me-"

"Stop right there. That is something that I won't do. While I'll do my best to honor your choice I won't make any promises. Promises are eternally binding and when you're immortal, forever is a very long time." I placed my head on the table and started to cry "You're not going to leave me are you?"

"What? After all I've done to get here? Why would you think I'd want to leave?"

"Almost everybody leaves me eventually. I know Kyle and Shock won't because we can't leave each other. I know Frost and Rin will be leaving, eventually and I've prepared myself for that. Others I have to keep at a distance. I- I can't have real friends."

"Why do you think that?"

"I because they leave me, or I push them away, I'm not really sure which. I had another friend, a long time ago. We never actually met, but we'd chat for hours. It's been so long ago but thinking about him still hurts. He was my first internet friend and we got close. Closer than I should have allowed. One night he asked me to make him a promise. He had something to tell me, but I had to promise not to tell anyone else about it. I didn't want to, but I figured what would be the harm? I mean, I thought he was just going to tell me his name, so I promised. It turned into one of the worst things I ever did."

"You don't have to break your promise. I don't need to know." Jordan insisted.

"It's alright, I broke that promise almost immediately, and it still haunts me. I need you to know why I'm so scared to get close to people. He, I'll call him "K", told me he was going to kill himself. I tried to keep my word by talking him out of the idea, but he logged out within minutes. That's when I broke my promise. I contacted the few other people I knew he also thought of as friends, hoping one of them knew him better than I did." I just stopped talking. Over a thousand years and the pain was still so intense.

"Were they able to help him?" Jordan asked.

"I don't know. I never heard from him again. Whether it was a test to see if I'd really keep my word, or he did kill himself, I've never known. I asked Mahan once but he refused to even check because no matter the answer, knowing wouldn't help. Anyway I decided, in the following weeks, the only reason I can break a promise is if not doing so puts a life in danger, and I couldn't ever allow anyone to get that close again. I've since modified that to not getting close to those I haven't known in real life long enough to get a feel for them. Still I'm always afraid I'll do or say the wrong thing. That's why I can't make you any promises."

"Am I the first one you've talked to about this?" Jordan asked.

"No, though it has been over a thousand years."

"It's no wonder you have emotional issues."

"I really don't know why, but when you told me you could sense other's feelings I realized how much worse it must have been for you. I mean Shock told me we have similar pasts, but I learned to shut down my emotions."

Jordan sighed. "That explains a lot. You're still repressing your emotions. I can sense that much. It’s probably why you're experiencing emotional outbursts. I'm not talking about just the anger. Right now you're experiencing fear and sadness. I'm sure if I made any gesture towards you, you'd break and run."

"I don't think so. I'm scared you'll see how broken I am and be the one to run. When you didn't run after my fit I knew I'll never see you as just a crew member, you're a part of my family. If, if you can't handle that sort of pressure, it would be best to leave now." I gasped out another sob, "Before I'm any more invested."

"Captain Prowl-Ar, I made you a promise. The only way I'll leave is if there is no other choice or if my staying interferes with you and your husband’s happiness. Just one little promise. The next time you feel the need to vent like that, you at least try to find an appropriate target. Preferably one less damaging than the walls."

I laughed. I really couldn't help myself. "Alright, I promise to try and find a more appropriate target."

"Good, now no more talk about me leaving. This is where I . . ." Jordan paused and then laughed, "I was going to say 'need to be', but that sounds rather presumptuous so maybe I should say this is where I want to be for as long as you can put up with me."

"I hope you realize you just basically sold you soul to this ship." I said looking up at Jordan.

"Mwah ha ha ha, mine all mine." Mahan cackled.

"That's not disturbing or anything." Jordan pointed out.

"Mahan, sometimes I really hate you." I muttered.

"Good then everything is right with reality once more. Doctor, it's time for your second education implant. This one includes combat skills so you're likely going to be too exhausted for the game. Prowl-Ar, this will give you plenty of time to reassure your children and mates you're not losing your mind. Though I really don't know why they'd need to worry, considering how little there is to lose."

"Why do you put up with him?" Jordan asked.

"Because he has the worst job on the ship." I replied.

"I'm probably going to regret asking this, but what job is the worst?"

"Keeping the Captain, at least partially, sane." Mahan replied.

Jordan put his hand on my shoulder and winked at me. "I hope he doesn't take this the wrong way, but I think he's failing miserably."

I stared at Jordan as if in shock, but I couldn't keep it up for more than a couple of seconds before I burst out laughing. "I think you're going to fit in with all of us. Perhaps a bit too well."

"Then my ultimate plan of evil is progressing nicely." Jordan said as he smiled.

"Don't push it. Only I get to have the evil plans." I quickly pointed out.

"If you say so mon ami."

***

I entered my office and flopped onto the couch.

"What do you think you're doing?" Mahan asked.

"Avoiding my responsibilities for as long as I can."

"Do you really think that's fair to your family?"

"Are you really trying to play the guilt card, on me?" I asked.

"Would it work if I tried it?" Kyle asked, as the door to the living room slid open.

"Maybe, but if you really wanted to be sure you'd have sent Rin and Frost."

"No, I don't think that would have been the best choice. We were listening in on your conversation with Jordan." Kyle replied.

"That’s breaking the rules."

"Jordan is a probationary crew member. I convinced Mahan that meant I, as second in command, had the right to keep him under surveillance. While you are my mate, the Captain, and in a fragile state of mind. You were potentially in danger and needed to be watched. The reason I'm here is because everyone else on this ship are out of their minds.”

"I'm sorry."

"As you should be for trying to shut us out when you need us most. What I meant was those three don't think you have a problem."

"What?" I asked.

"Maybe you haven't noticed, but Shock's having similar anger issues. I don't think Rin believes you can do anything wrong. Finally you're Frost's hero after killing the red dragon."

"Please tell me you didn't show him that."

"You know I'm not stupid. I told him about it, but I was very light on graphic details."

"You know I'm not proud of any of this." I mumbled.

Kyle sat beside me and pulled me into a hug. "I know. We just need to find a way to deal with your anger before it reaches the point where you feel the need to lash out."

"It's not just the anger. It's all my emotions. Whether having a panic attack on a train, waking up in the middle of the night fearing this is all a dream and I'm still alone, or needing to punch something because someone I care about has been hurt and I can't do anything to make it better."

"I’ve noticed you’re not having the nightmares as often, maybe that has something to do with it. You're working through your fear of abandonment, so now your anger is the next emotion you need to confront and deal with. We’ll start to work on that after you’ve gotten some rest."

"Kyle, I love you, but if you sedate me right now . . ." I left the treat hanging.

"I don't need to sedate you. You're emotionally drained and exhausted. I'm just going to sit here and hold you until you fall asleep on your own."

"I don't care what Mahan says, you really are perfect." I mumbled cuddling closer to Kyle.

***

"Prowl-Ar, I'd like you to wake up without alerting your mates."

"Mahan, go away."

"Please? I need to speak with you privately."

I groaned, knowing that the only way Mahan would leave me alone was if I heard him out. "What is it?"

"I need to apologize. I should have realized you needed help."

"I don't need help, I needed to find some way to deal with my anger issues."

"You don't believe that any more than I do. It's not anger, though it is the way you've been expressing your problem."

"Fine all-knowing one, what is my problem?"

"The one emotion you have the most difficulty suppressing, guilt. You feel that you could do so much to improve people's lives but you refuse to get involved. You are harboring so much guilt. I'm sorry I didn't realize how it was affecting you."

"I don't need you to apologize, I need you to tell me how to fix it."

"There is no real fix. The best advice I can give you is to learn to trust the crew. They care about you. Remember you're not a typical crew, you're family. You shouldn't shoulder all the burden yourself."

"Easier said than done." I growled.

"I suggest you get started. Jordan has relieved you of command for the rest of the week."

"Like that's going to change much." I muttered.

"It means no VR, though I will make allowances for your hobby room program if you want to spend some time with Frost and Rin. Oh, and don't bother trying to slip off to the junk yard. Kyle locked down all the hangars, and even if you do find a way to bypass the system, he ordered Tank and Tuft to bring you back."

"I could always go to Earth." I pointed out and waited for his response.

After two minutes he at last said something. "You don't expect me to comment on such an absurd suggestion, do you?"

"No I suppose not."

The door slid open and Shock entered. He walked over and flopped on the bed beside me.

"That was brutal."

"What have you done now?" I asked.

"A better question would be why you were holding out on us? Kyle, Jordan and I watched you, let's say fight, the red dragon and you used moves not included in the battle training package."

"Oh." I immediately realized what he meant.

"That's all you have to say? A fighting style that takes advantage of our ability to shift and all you can say is 'oh'?"

"I honestly didn't want to tell you about it."

"I know you trust us, so what is your reasoning?"

"It's extremely dangerous since you're downloading video game information rather than VR training simulations."

"What's the difference?" Shock asked.

"Video game characters aren't bound by the same rules of reality as we are. Not to mention the fact the information can't be . . . I guess the best term would be formatted, to be compatible with biological systems."

"Did you consider having Mahan add the style to a memory crystal copy in VR and then let the simulation of us run through training, then down loading the information from there?"

"No, honestly after it nearly killed me I thought I locked the possibility of repeating my mistake out of the system."

"After watching you fight, Kyle unlocked it. Mahan ran the simulation on leopard style for Kyle's original form. While Kyle was learning it, Mahan created fox style. While I learned my new fighting skills he created lion style. Kyle is currently learning that form now while Mahan is busy creating wolf style."

"How long have I been unconscious this time?" I asked.

“It's only been a few hours. The fighting downloads are relatively small."

"So, acting Captain Shock, since I'm basically under house arrest for the week what would you suggest I do?"

"If you're up to it, I thought we could answer a few questions from our viewers."

"You're dragging me into another chat?"

"No, Kyle has already nixed that idea. Instead we'll just be answering questions, selected by Mahan."

I changed to a black t-shirt with a rainbow paw print graphic.

"You haven't worn that one before." Shock said in surprise.

"I know. I always wanted to, but I was always to afraid. Now, I've sort of already outed myself to the world, and I really don't care what the haters think anymore."

"You're so cute."

"Am not."

"You've used the evolver to adjust your looks, which means you must be happy with how you look. Therefore you are cute."

I wanted to reject his statement, but he wasn't wrong, so I said the first thing that came to mind. "You're cuter."

"Damn right, and don't you forget it."

I laughed, that wasn’t what I’d expected him to say. "So shall we start?" I asked.

"Tiger, we started just after you were dressed."

"Mahan edit that first part out."

"Oh, I'm broadcasting live. The audience just can't interact with you."

"That's right everyone, the Captain has been feeling a bit under the weather again. I know what you're wondering, 'how can they get sick?' and the truth is we can't get physically ill, but we still suffer from stress related issues."

"It may not seem like it from the game episodes, but there are a lot of things taking place behind the scenes." I said in order to explain.

"These first questions were all posed by anonymous users, 'you seem to be spending a lot of time on developing Wolf's character, is he really going to be that important going forward?'"

"Yes, he is."

"There are reports from Mars that you abducted a scientist, is that true or a conspiracy theory?"

"It’s true to a certain extent. Captain Jordan Delacroix, or Wolf if you prefer, was attacked and stabbed eight times by fellow scientists. We stepped in to save his life and he chose to remain on the Shadow Runner as our chief medical officer."

”ConcernedSquerel says: ‘Great provider of entertainment and protector of Earth! Me and my friends love to watch your show whenever we get out of school. And we are wondering why don't you just take over as god king of Earth? Won't it be easier and you won't have to take orders? Also is there a planned end for mas?’”

"In the game, and in reality, I have a ship that makes me the most powerful individual wherever I go. However here is the thing about power, people are always trying to amass more of it. I'm not one of them. I've never wanted to rule anything. It's just a lot of excess stress and paperwork. So yes, I have the power to rule the world, I just don't want to. As for your question about the game ending, no there is no planned ending. The AI will constantly update the game. While it may be possible for the players to defeat the Bugs. Should that ever happen a new challenge will be created. However, I can’t guarantee how long the show will continue. If we get tired of playing we may switch to another game and I can’t guarantee it will be publicly accessible to watch."

"The Great DAZ says 'you have an interesting facial stripe pattern. Is there a special meaning to them?'"

"Yes I'll start on the left." I shifted and ran my fingers down the curved white stripes. "These two stripes represent the pain and tears I've shed over my long life. The Stick figure down the bridge of my nose represents my human side reminding me that no matter what form I'm in, I'm a fusion of both human and tiger. The small seven with a line over it on my right cheek reminds me that I'm not perfect. Something that can be hard to remember in my tiger forms."

Shock ran his pads over the marks below his left eye. "I copied your tear marks without even knowing what they represented."

"Shock, even if you had known, it wouldn't have upset me. You deserve those marks even more than I do."

“I think I’ll answer Dragonkeper69’s question." Mahan said, "‘Hi Mr. Prowl-Ar I like to watch your M.A.S. series on my off time from work, and I love it so much. It would be cool if there was outtakes or bloopers to watch as well.’ As their editor and I only edit out overtly adult content and conversations that are outside the game universe. That is basically where the Runners are having conversations that are private. There are no outtakes due to the fact that nothing is rehearsed or scripted. As for bloopers it’s all in there you just have to find the right moments in the feed to catch them.”

“Tungsteonpower139 and Lazerhoodie77 have similar questions. Basically they want to know if they can play on our server or if we’ll play on one of the public servers.”

“I'm not going to say no but it is highly unlikely." I replied.

“As the primary content providers we are seen differently to other users. Our actions could have rather dire consequences. You see we were unknowingly playing on a public server since traveling to Greenwood. As you may have seen in a previous video four characters turned on us and were ‘killed’. Because of this they turned on their fellow scientist who was spared in the game and tried to kill him in real life. Up until Jordan was attacked I’d considered trying to convince Prowl-Ar it wouldn’t be so bad, but now I understand why he is so careful about such interactions.” Shock added.

“This one is from Quantumwolf, “hey Shock you ever going to come to the next Anthrocon?”

Shock sighed, "No, unfortunately I'm still considered a terrorist and fugitive in the United States, so all U.S. cons are out of the question. I may consider Furry Fiesta or VancouFur, but after my last convention in Japan, where I received way more attention than I really deserve, and it wasn't even a furry con, I think I may be a bit burned out."

“This is another one for Shock, from RetoricalWaterspout49, ‘do you guys’ livestream? If not then why not?’”

Shock laughed, "I stream every Thursday from 5pm to 7pm US Mountain Standard Time. I used to stream three times a week with occasional special events on weekends. However, now that I spend so much time in VR I've cut back on my streaming."

"For the most part I don't stream, though I have taken up the slack when Shock has been busy, and he tends to pull me into his streams every chance he gets."

"You love it and you know it." Shock grinned.

"No, I love you, and I know it makes you happy."

Shock looked at me intensely. "You're not lying, but I sense a bit of deception. However I'm willing to let it go, for now."

“Continuing the questions KaijuKing asks ‘will we see a mecha godzilla vs Mothra fight?’”

“While I can’t rule it out, I'm a big Kiryu or Mecha-Godzilla three fan, I highly doubt any named kaiju will appear in game.”

“I’m not sure how you’re going to react to this one, but HotBunny69 would like to know if it is ‘possible to put the adult scenes between NPC and NPC and player characters online?’ and Hungry Wolf adds ‘Oh yeah, I want to see Lee's first time and Slider too much.’”

“Um, I really never considered a question like this would ever be asked. Technically I don’t have a problem with it, but you have to understand that we actually interact with the NPC characters as though they are player characters and that seems like an invasion of privacy. Still, we’ll discuss the possibility and let everyone know what we decide. Though you’re not going to be able to see Lee or Slider’s first times. Even their first time together took place before the game started.”

“I think you’ll like this one, DizzyFlores4eva askes ‘A long time ago I found the remains of a movie called the Starship Trooper. Is your game inspired by it?’”

I laughed. “There is a good chance it is. When Shock set up the game he gave the VR computer instructions to use my game and movie library as reference material. ‘Starship Troopers’ and the sequels are all in the collection. Mahan, please make my movie collection, at least the movies that have entered the public domain, available for download.”

“Are you sure that is wise? I mean you archived a lot of videos that aren’t movies.”

“What sort of videos?” Shock asked.

“Videos and streams posted by online users.” I replied. “Basically I copied the entirety of Furry content to the archives. I hadn’t considered what their feelings might be on re-releasing that content. How will they feel that their videos are being viewed a thousand years after creation?”

“Wait, you’re talking like they’re still alive.” Shock said accusingly.

“Not alive but not dead either. I- Every ship in the Junkyard has a crew currently recorded on memory crystals.” I bit my lip. “I sort of set up a way to record people in VR chat, the original VR system, not the current system. If humanity ever becomes extinct they’ll be brought back to restart the species.”

“Captain, you do realize this is going out live?” Mahan asked.

I shrugged, “Yeah I remember, but I don’t care who knows anymore.”

“If you say so. Drunken Orc left the comment ‘It would be nice if you had a party every now and then, just for fun. I speak in MAS.’”

“That is a really good idea. It would allow the Alliance personnel to interact with the Federation personnel and show that even though they’re not all the same species they’re still people and not animals.” Shock pointed out.

“It’s your game so it is up to you to make the changes.” I agreed.

“I think one last question. Italian Shepherd is wondering ‘with the arrival of the Alliance, will we be able to unlock furry avatars of characters who would be members from it?’ From here on there was a heated argument. I’ve banned four users and placed 3431 on warning. However there is one comment that I think you’re going to want to hear even though the user is one of the ones banned. HumansONLY138 commented 'it’s a war game, stop with your fucking gay romance and put some dead. Seriously, it makes you want to kill all the idiot faggot furs.’”

“Yeah, I think I would like to respond to that. HumansONLY138, congratulations you just won yourself a lifetime ban from all Shadow Runner Networks. That would be my lifetime, not yours so that is a perma-ban and only one other person has pissed me off that much. I’m sure you feel proud of yourself, but I doubt you’ll ever see or hear this message. I may not want to rule the world, but I’ve been around a very long time and I think you’re going to find it really surprising just how much influence Mahan has. For anyone else that doesn’t like the story, go to another channel or watch another server.”

“Mahan, open the Alliance character avatars to all users.” Shock quickly interrupted. “As you heard Mahan edits out all negative comments unless he feels we really need to know about them. If we didn’t get to your questions this time I’m sure there will be more sessions like this, or I’ll answer them on some of my streams, but you have to understand how many comments we receive. Mahan, since the beginning of this little Q&A session how many comments has the game received?”

“Do you want the actual number or would you like me to round down to the closest billion.”

My mouth dropped open in awe. “There’s been over a billion comments since the beginning of this video?”

Shock started laughing at my surprise.

“Three hundred billion, but I’m counting likes, dislikes, and emoji responses. Also remember not all comments are directed toward us either, some are between users. Simply put it would be impossible to answer all questions in your extended lifetimes even if I shut down all servers at this very moment.” Mahan replied.

“Get used to it, Tiger. Whether you like it or not we’re popular now and that means you can’t get to everyone no matter how much you want to.”

***

"Can I ask you a question?" Jordan asked.

I pulled out one of the ear buds so I could hear him better. "As long as you don't mind if I keep playing. It's been a few centuries and I'd forgotten how much fun this can be."

"What is it?" Jordan asked as he sat next to me.

I'd started spending more time in the recreation area lounge so that he wouldn’t feel as lonely. "It's a retro game called Minecraft."

"Oh, we have that game."

"This is the last original update version before the complete re-program to VR only play. So, what was your question?"

"How did you do it?"

"Huh?" I asked as I killed a poison creeper.

"How did you cope with the loneliness for so long?"

I saved and shut down the game. "Honestly, sleep and distraction. I'd find ways to distract myself, usually with VR, until I was close to the point of passing out. Then I'd sleep, sometimes for days on end only waking up long enough to stumble to the bathroom and back. You see, even my nightmares were better than reality, even before Mahan found me. I'd never be able to do it now, of course."

"Why not?"

"You can't truly miss something you've never had or experienced. Now that I have Kyle and Shock, I don’t think I could live alone again."

"What about your friends and family?"

"I admit I miss my Mom. I even miss my brother and, God help me, my Dad from time to time. As for my friends, I have them saved on memory crystals, so even though we don't talk very often they are still here with me, in a way. I'm guessing you're wondering how you're going to survive."

"It's not so much about surviving, but living forever seems, daunting."

"If it helps, your current lifespan is only three or four hundred years."

"Only? Most human's barely make it to a hundred. Three or four lifespans seems impossible."

"The hardest part will likely be finding someone to be with because they love you rather than because you're a member of my crew."

"You're telling me I'm allowed to date?"

"Of course you're allowed to date. I'd have to be all kinds of evil to force you to live a celibate life when I have two mates."

"I just never considered the possibility. I mean, after being rejected so often I've kind of given up on finding anyone."

"Don't give up. That's what I did and it’s no way to live. Always hold onto hope. It took me more than a millennium to find the ones I was meant to be with, and you have much more going for you than I ever had."

"Such as?"

"You were willing to try to find someone to love. Were as I retreated from reality entirely. You may not want to believe this but I'm sure your perfect mate either exists or will exist one day. The challenge is to find that individual.

***

"Captain, Chief Medical Officer Delacroix, ready for duty. Sir!" Jordan saluted and snapped to attention.

I placed a three of spades on the pile and then glanced up. "First order don't ever do that again. Second order don't refer to me as Captain except in the presence of non-crew. Oh, I should probably mention Tank and Tuft are considered crew members, but the crew of the station aren't. I suppose this means you've completed your memory uploads?"

"Yes S- Prowl-Ar. Plus Brook has familiarized me with the infirmary, Mahan has made sure I understand the rules, and Kyle has set up the evolver for my next series of changes."

I glared at Kyle.

"Mahan downloaded all information on the evolver to me before he used it to create me. It isn't that hard to program. However I know better than to use the unit without your authorization."

I sighed and stood up. The holographic cards flickered, I swiped my hand across them causing the system to reshuffle and return them to the deck. I canceled the game and the deck disappeared. "Let’s see the changes you've decided on."

In the lift Jordan fidgeted, likely nervous about what I'd think of the changes he'd chosen. I placed my hand on his arm, "Don't worry, I'm not going to judge you. This is about you choosing the form you feel best suits you, not about what I or any others think." Jordan didn't reply but his heart rate slowed and he didn't fidget as much.

As we entered I noticed that Kyle didn't join us. Likely worried I'd find fault with his work. I looked over the holographic image. It was thinner and more muscular. Not overly so just well defined. He hadn't changed his height I was glad to see. Perhaps the most noticeable change was the thicker body hair and full beard. I checked the instructions and found that this was indeed what he'd asked for. Not a choice I'd would like, but what I thought didn't matter, there was one change I'd make though.

"Jordan, is this what you want to look like?" I asked.

"Yes."

I sighed and adjusted the image to how it would look in twenty-four hours.

"What did you do?" He asked.

The image now showed only a large mass of hair. "You want rapid hair growth. This is what you would look like after a day. If I leave this on you will spend every moment doing nothing but grooming, so I'm sorry if that is what you want, but I'm changing that back to normal. Otherwise you’re not going to have time for anything other than grooming."

"I guess, if you think it best."

"Did Kyle have you make a baseline memory crystal yet?"

"Yes, that was the last thing we did before coming to get you."

"Right then, you need to remove your uniform cuffs and-" I quickly turned away as he started removing them.

"Yes, Kyle told me what had to be done when we were preparing you for healing. Which tube should I use?"

"It doesn't matter, once inside the process will begin automatically."

"I guess I’ll see you on the other side." Jordan said, just before the tube sealed.

I waited until he was sedated and then paused the process. I went back to the initial scan and started making slight changes. Most were things Jordan wouldn't notice unless informed about them. The most significant being the addition of the genetic sequence that would allow him to shift into a wolf. I placed a hold on his transformation and left the Evolver.

Kyle was waiting in the cafeteria. He held up Jordan's crystal.

I laughed as I took it. "You didn't show it to him did you?"

"No, I have no idea how he'd react. I mean I wasn't happy with my memory crystal. I expected it to be red at least, but no it looks like . . ." He went silent and looked away, his form of blushing.

"It can't be that bad." I pointed out.

"It looks like a crystal made of cum."

"See, I told you it couldn't be that bad." I held Jordan's crystal up to the light it was the most vibrant sky blue I'd ever seen with veins of gold catching the light. "This stays between us. Jordan hates blue."

"Ah, that's why his uniform is all black with red stripes."

"Yeah, he asked if he could change the blue vest to another color because he didn't like blue. Though now that he has full medical training he'll probably add a white lab coat over the top of his uniform."

"That reminds me, now that I've completed my flight training, including the merge system am I entitled to wear a pilot's jacket?"

I rolled my eyes. "The jacket, yes. No skin tight leather pants, on duty, however. Before you start a fake pout, I still need to go and finish adjusting Wolf's new forms and I need to ask you a favor."

"What are you up to now?”

“First I need you to reinstate my command and second I need you to be Jordan's guide during First Shift."

"Mahan, as the current commander of the Shadow Runners I officially return command to Captain Prowl-Ar Nightiger. As for being Jordan's guide, are you insane?"

"No, hear me out. Wolves are pack animals unlike tigers and foxes. I'm surprised you made it through First Shift on your own-"

"I wasn't alone." Kyle said, as he turned away again.

"What?"

"Mahan used your memory crystal. You were my guide all four times. My first shift was as a human. We spent a year together on a simulated Earth, we got close, really close. I know it is unusual but I remember all of it. I- I held in my arms as the life left your body."

"I died? That's your traumatic memory?" I was nearly overwhelmed by Kyle's pain.

"You gave your life to save me. I'm not sure where we were, it was some vacation spot by the ocean. We were there to celebrate the anniversary of my shifting for the first time. It was a little before sunset. We were walking on a boardwalk just enjoying being together. Suddenly a car screeched to a halt and two men jumped out and yelled something. At the same time you pushed me away and they shot you."

"It would take more than a couple of bullets-"

"There were a lot of them. We were both hit multiple times. I didn't really notice the pain as I dragged myself to your side. You were barely breathing. You gasped out 'I love you' just before the light left your eyes. It was the first time you actually said the words and then everything went black."

Tears were streaming down Kyles face. I hugged him not sure what more I could do. Usually I was the one falling apart.

"When I opened my eyes I was a lion and you were there in your tiger form. I don't remember that year, but the end was the same we were both shot and I had to watch you die again. The same thing happened as a wolf."

"Don't tell me the same thing happen as a dragon." I was seriously contemplating erasing Mahan completely.

"No, it was worse. This time we were in feudal Japan. I was a revered deity and you were my retainer. Though the truth was you were my advisor. I thought this time it wouldn't be so bad, after all there were no guns. The people would come to me and ask for guidance and with your help they did well. In the end we were imprisoned. I was given a choice serve the Lord of the region as a weapon or starve. While I was starved you refused to eat. Eventually you were able to get a small amount of food to me but I was too hungry to understand how."

I had a sickening feeling I knew how. "I was-"

"Don't say it. I- I'll be right back." Kyle ran for the restroom. I wasn't sure if he made it or not, but I could hear him vomiting. I looked at my left hand, the one I'd cut to prove that I was real, the action Kyle got so mad about. "I was cutting off parts of my own body to keep him alive." I muttered. Many of Kyle's actions suddenly came into clear focus, especially why he seemed so overly protective. "Mahan?"

"I swear I have nothing to do with what happens in the First Shift scenarios. This is all new information to me as well."

"Shock stumbled into the cafeteria looking slightly sick. What the hell is going on? First Kyle is in extreme pain and now he's throwing up?"

"Shock, Kyle was just sharing his First Shift traumas with me."

Shock's paw went to his side. "It's bad isn't it?"

Kyle let out a very loud heave. "Like you can't imagine and he had four experiences."

Shock looked at me for a moment and then turned to leave. "As upset as you look I know I'm not ready to hear it. I'm going to go find a nice, quiet, dark hole to hide in until things settle down."

As the door closed I swallowed knowing that I'd regret what I was about to ask. "Mahan-"

"Yes, I saved the crystal. I knew one day you'd want to download the experience. However, I really don't think you should do it. Especially in your current mental state."

"I know, you're probably right but I'm going to do it anyway. However, I'm authorizing you to monitor the feed and end the download an instant before I die. I'm also going to need a bit of time before the download to contact my tiger. This is potentially dangerous and I need to be fully prepared."

"I'll do it. I'll be Jordan's guide. If it's potentially dangerous for you then I'd better do it." Kyle said as he stumbled back out into the cafeteria.

"Go get a new memory crystal made while I prepare Jordan." He nodded and headed for the recorder in the Evolver chamber. I felt a little guilty about not telling him what I was planning to do, but if I did he might talk me out of it."

***

I walked into the lounge and over to the doors of the VR chamber. "Computer, run program First Shift Training, delayed activation."

"Please insert memory crystal of new shifter.”

I pushed Jordan's crystal into the slot. "Mahan, transfer Kyle's updated information as soon as his crystal is complete." I ordered.

"First shift guide has been selected program paused until guide is uploaded.” The computer informed me.

"Pause simulation. Use the crystal to generate Jordan Delacroix, in human form, in the Evolver chamber authorization PRX001."

"Authorization approved."

I walked in to the simulated Evolver chamber as Jordan sat up. "Did something go wrong? Kyle said we'd get you once I'd completed having my crystal made."

"That's exactly what Jordan did. You, on the other hand, are being generated from the crystal."

"So I'm not real? I feel real."

"You're as real as the physical you. We're here to finish making your changes."

"Finish? I thought Kyle went over all the options really thoroughly."

"No, this part needs to be done in VR. I want you to take a deep breath and let it out. Now close your eyes and imagine looking in a mirror. Do you see it?"

"Yes, I see it."

"Good, take another deep breath and as you let it out imagine your reflection changing into your perfect anthro form." I watched as he transformed. He didn't grow much more in height, maybe half a foot at most, but he bulked up on muscle quite a bit. He was farther toward his wolf side than I would have liked, more werewolf than anthro-wolf.

"I think I've got it now what?"

"Oh sorry, open your eyes."

"Everything looks washed out."

"Close your eyes again and concentrate on how things looked before you closed your eyes the first time."

"That's better." He said, after opening his eyes a second time.

"Okay. Computer, move the hologram over next the the memory recorder. I walked over with Jordan's naked human hologram. "This is how you left off on your changes. Computer progress the image at half speed to current configuration.

Jordan watched as the hologram transformed. "That's what I'll look like if I become a shifter?"

"No, that's what you look like right now. We're going to dial it back a bit."

"But, I like the way I look." Jordan whined.

"You're a big bad werewolf, not a whiny pup." I growled.

Jordan started to growl. I looked directly into his eyes and glared. He increased the intensity of his growl, but I didn't react at all suddenly he looked away and I nodded.

"I am the alpha of this pack, Shock and Kyle are my betas. You just submitted to me in my weakest form, don't ever forget either of those facts. Computer reduce subject’s claws and teeth to a more natural size. Jordan whined. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Now I'm guessing you prefer this more feral form."

"Yes, Alpha."

"I'll let that slide because you're not aware of my first order. Besides not liking the changes I made is everything else to your liking? I suggest you stand up and move around to be sure. Don't worry, I'm not judging you if you trip or fall it isn't easy adapting to walking on digitigrade legs."

Jordan stumbled a couple of times but he didn't fall. "Can you increase the length of my tail a bit and maybe make the fur thicker?" The computer automatically made the changes.

"Right, with your current form you need a bit more tail weight for counterbalance."

Soon he was strutting around the room easily. I had to re-estimate his height to nearly eight foot, if he couldn’t stand perfectly straight I doubted would be possible in his current form.

"I don't . . . Something is off."

I was right he was trying to stretch into an upright position but he couldn't. I dialed back the changes very slowly just until he could stand upright. He was still very werewolf like.

"That- that feels just about right."

"What is off, other than the teeth and claws?"

"It's not anything important really, it's just my fur is shiny black but it should be darker black, black so dark it absorbs light."

"I can do that, but I need you to understand you’ll need to be very careful. If you feel like you're getting hot change back to human form immediately. The color you're asking for doesn't shed heat so you risk heatstroke when you're out in direct sunlight." I sighed as I made the change. Wolf went from well-defined to a wolf shaped mass.

"The other thing is my eyes should glow red."

"Sorry, can't do that one. I can do a reddish copper color easily enough, but I can't make them glow. Well, I can but not without adding genes for bioluminescence, and that will also leave you blind, in all forms. As good as your other senses will be I'm not ready to have a blind doctor."

I adjusted the display showing a range of red colors and Jordan chose the shade he felt was best.

"Now I want you to change back to human form."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

Jordan did as commanded and stretched. "I feel . . ." He took on a glazed expression, as though his mind was in another universe entirely, for several moments "Complete." He finished.

He glanced at me and I'd almost swear his eyes had glowed for an instant. I knew it was a trick of the light but it did startle me. "Good now shift back to your median form."

"Median form?"

"Anthro-wolf form."

He shifted and I was happy to see that he'd accepted the changes we'd made. I had him shift several more times to be sure the form had set. "Now I want you to go farther imagine yourself changing to full wolf form."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

"I suggest you get ready fast because if you don't do it now I'll form lock you to human form and there is no reversing that." It was an empty threat, but it had the desired effect, he shifted to wolf form. I looked him over he was definitely a normal wolf but at dire wolf size, likely caused by his larger than standard human size.

He shifted back to anthro form. "That wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. I thought I'd forget who I was in that form."

"You're about to."

"What do you mean?"

"You're about to experience First Shift. You'll spend a year as a feral animal. However, Kyle will be your Alpha so learn from him. Computer save changes and conversation to Jordan's memory crystal and start first shift simulation once I exit. Good luck, Wolf, see you on the other side." I repeated his own words back to him as I stepped out of the chamber.

"So how did it go?" Kyle asked making me jump. "You seemed to take longer than normal."

"Yeah, I had to modify his median form a bit. He was going full on slathering beast style werewolf."

"Eye candy for Shock then?"

"No, he wanted true black fur so it's more like interacting with a shadow."

"Aw, no eye candy." Kyle said sadly.

I sighed. Drake, there's something I'm going to do that I don't think you're going to like."

"Then don't do it."

"I'm sorry, but I need to. I'm going to use the hyper education machine to experience my time as your guide."

"Oh no. No. No. No. No."

"I'm only going to do a single year at a time with a break in between."

"I said no."

"Kyle, I've been shot before. It's not like I don't know what I'm getting into. We've shared something. Something I have no memory of. All I'm doing is using the hyper education system to remember that time together. It's like the time we had raising Frost."

"Look what happened to you that time."

"Kyle, while I also think this is a bad idea I've reviewed the memories. I don't like it, but I think they'll help Prowl-Ar more than they'll harm him." Mahan said.

"Kyle, I love you and I always will. I know it is selfish but I want to share the memories of us together, especially those last moments on the boardwalk before we were so rudely interrupted."

"There's nothing I can say to stop you is there?"

"If you tell me right now not to do it I won't, but . . ."

"But it would be the same as saying I don't trust you. Mahan, can you guarantee he'll be in no danger?"

"Yes, I'll stop the download to just before he dies."

"Are you going to do it now?"

"No. Right now I'm going to go program the finishing touches on Jordan and then I'm going to speak with my tiger before downloading the memories."

***

I looked out at the setting sun. It was such a beautiful day. It was our one year anniversary since Kyle had entered his human form First Shift. We'd spent the whole year on Earth just traveling and experiencing different cultures. It was 2010, a dangerous time to be 'out' in some places. Still I’d been careful.

We'd started our journey in San Francisco driving up the coast. We took our time especially after the rental car broke down just outside Rockaway Beach Oregon. After reaching Seattle we flew to Hawaii for a week. I hate to admit it, but we hit the major tourist spots and not much else. Though we met a wonderful couple from Osaka on one of the tours. We hung out for a few days and they actually invited us to meet their friends. We’d planned to go to Sydney next but getting to go to the Sakura festival convinced us to change our original plans. After all it wasn’t like we had a set plan. When we did head for Australia I was a bit depressed since I knew our new friends weren’t real.

Then to Hong Kong for three days. I had to drag Kyle to the Tian Tan Buddha but in exchange I went with him to Ocean Park. It reaffirmed my dislike of roller coasters.

After two weeks of exploring the East Australian coast and the Great Barrier Reef we spent a month on an Outback exploration adventure package.

Next was India where Kyle was actually able to get me to dance with him when we visited Vittala Temple. True the only other people around at the time was our guide who played the singing columns and told us we were such a cute couple afterwards.

From India we flew to Egypt, Kyle wanted to go by ship but I "convinced" him it wasn't safe. We did sail down the Nile, it was rather tense but I knew we had a year before things would get bad. In Alexandria we chartered a boat to take us around Mediterranean. It was money wasted, but we called it quits when we reached Rome, There was only so many evil glares and insulting comments I could take. We had been perfectly behaved and even told the Captain at the very beginning we were nothing more than best friends traveling around the world. It seemed he didn’t believe us.

We continued our journey across the Alps on foot, well really we joined walking tours from Rome to Paris. We spend three days there then took the train to England. After seeing the Lion King on stage we rented a car and set a slow pace of heading north. When we reached Inverness we turned back for London.

We'd arrived back in the US two weeks ago driving down the Coast from Maryland to Florida. Yesterday Kyle convinced me that we had to go to Universal Studios. This morning we got up early and watched the sun rise at Cape Canaveral. We had a good laugh at the fact we had traveled well beyond the distance traveled by any of the astronauts launched from the facility. We then drove across the state to be here just to watch the sunset. In the morning we would be heading north again. Kyle had convinced me that our next stop should be Anthrocon.

I felt tears running down my face. Today had truly been perfect, but I knew, there was enough of my current memory to know what was about to happen, but this was the past and couldn't be changed.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kyle asked.

"Today has been so wonderful. I've never been as happy as I am here with you. I-"

I heard the screech of tires and a yell. "God damn faggots!"

I shoved Kyle to the side just before I felt the impact. I was falling but in slow motion as more of those impacts jolted me. I didn't feel any pain. Then I was on the ground it was strange, the boards were still warm but I felt cold. I could hear Kyle screaming, it was a gut wrenching soul killing sound. He was above me tears mixing with the blood on his face. I wanted to rub them away, but my hand wouldn't move. "Kyle, I need to-" I coughed and my mouth was filled with a coppery taste. "I love you." I blinked as the helmet was removed.

"Are you alright?" Kyle asked.

I grabbed him and pulled him to me. "I love you. I should have told you that when we were together that first night we were alone together at the Gold Saucer. Or the night on we spent on the beach huddled together for warmth waiting for the tow truck to arrive. At the picnic under the Sakura blooms, Venice, Paris, Inverness, and Miami. There were so many perfect moments, but I just couldn’t say what I needed to, not until-"

"Shh, it's alright. You chose the perfect moment. As horrible as the event is, my memory of it will always be tempered by you expressing your true feelings for me."

"Your lion form was next right?" I asked.

"Yes, but you're not going to be uploading that one. I was a red lion and you a black tiger in India. It ended with you dead and me dying after being hunted and shot by poachers."

"I have reviewed the information and I have to agree with Kyle, you will not benefit from experiencing these memories." Mahan stated.

"In my wolf form trauma you looked like a normal tiger and I looked like a normal wolf. We were in a forest, you seemed to know it really well and I was wearing a tracking collar. Humans were constantly following me but you always seem to know when they were coming and stayed hidden. Until the last group. You literally bit the tracking collar off from me and told me to run. You took off with the collar. When I heard the shots and your roar of pain I howled and ran to your defense. I was shot, but no one left that area. The last thing I remember is crawling between your cold front legs so that we'd always be together. You died alone. I'm not having you go through that. Not with your abandonment issues."

I shuttered. Kyle was right those were definitely not memories I wanted. “It was likely 1995 or 1996. That year had two really news worthy events Tigers had escaped from a hunting ranch and wolves were reintroduced. Not that it matters. I agree those memories might be a bit too much for me to handle. So next-"

"No, there is no next. A least, not right now. You may think you're ready but I'm not ready for you to experience that. You sacrificed parts of yourself and ultimately your very life so that I could live. Maybe, eventually, we'll deal with those memories. Right now you need to finish Jordan's transformation and I have memories to learn."

"Kyle, no matter what happens, as a guide, you can never reveal any of it, not even to me. The only one that can reveal anything is Jordan. If you don't think you can keep things from Shock and I, then don't download those memories."

He looked undecided for a few minutes. "I see why you want all the memories from your time being my guide. It's like a part of me knows if I don't have them something will always be missing. I think I need to do this."

I nodded. You go ahead while I go wake up Jordan and set him up with this last memory implant."

***

I sat facing the terminal as the chamber seal opened with a hiss.

"Captain, sorry. Prowl-Ar. Can you bring me my clothes? I really don't want to step out onto the platform like this. It's got to be frigid."

I laughed knowing just how true it was. I carried the smart metal cuffs over to him keeping my gaze averted. "So, you're one of the really rare individuals that retain their full memory after modification? Impressive."

"I- huh, I guess I am." He replied as he snapped the devices into place.

"It certainly makes this next part easier. There is one last memory download you need, now that you've completed your transformation."

"Yeah, I wish."

"Huh?"

"Oh nothing. I know I've got to wait longer before I can become a shifter. It's just really hard, knowing that it's really possible now."

"Don't worry the time will seem to fly by and you'll be shifting before you know it. Now get comfortable on the memory crystal recording couch."

"Shouldn't I be in the learning center?"

"No, this unit is capable of both implanting knowledge and generating memory crystals. As soon as your final download is completed the unit will automatically switch over and generate your new baseline crystal for Mahan and the Sentinel Program."

"You mean Mahan is going to add parts of my memory to his program?"

"Of course. That's how he learns and evolves as an individual."

"I- I'm honored."

"Don't be. I think it's just Mahan's way of learning the best ways to manipulate us." I whispered.

"I've noticed he does seem to get his way eventually." Jordan said, as he sat on the bed.

"Before you start I want you to take a few deep breaths. This program is likely to be intense. Both in terms of exciting and terrifying."

"Do I have to learn it then?"

"Yes, you really do."

Jordan lay back and I started the implantation process.

"Ah man, just a few seconds to late. I wanted to talk to him before you started. A few things went down-"

"Kyle, you can't tell me anything. I made that clear."

"I'm not telling you anything. I'm warning you that he isn't likely to be in a good place when he wakes up. You're going to need to be there for him. I'm afraid he might retreat into himself like Shock did. Don't let that happen."

Jordan sat up and looked at us. It was a look of complete horror. He stood and ran so quickly that I didn't have time to say anything.

"Go after him. You're the only one that's going to be able to talk him down. I'm not telling you anything but if you don't hurry we won't have a medic anymore."

I didn't wait for Kyle to elaborate. I ran after Jordan. "Mahan-"

"He just entered his quarters and locked the door. I believe Kyle is right. Jordan's readings are fluctuating wildly. At this rate, there is a clear danger of him going feral. I've reviewed his First Shift and as you well know I can't tell you anything about it. Just keep two things in mind don't get mad and nothing actually happened."

I reached the door to Jordan's quarters and it slid open immediately.

"Jordan, The Captain is here to talk to you."

"Nooooooo." The wail was scared and filled with pain.

"I assure you he doesn't know anything other than you're really upset. As your guide Kyle cannot reveal anything about your experiences. And Prowl-Ar has made sure that I can't either."

"K-Kyle didn't tell him?"

I sat on the corner of the bed. Jordan was tightly curled into a ball in the space between the wall and the bed. "Please Jordan, come out and talk to me. No matter what happened in the simulation I won't hold it against you. Things just happen during first shift. It doesn't matter, even if you had sex with Kyle I-" I was cut short by Jordan's sudden gasp and then louder sobbing.

"Oh! Oooooooooh, I see."

"Nothing happened. Please don't kill me or send me away."

"Jordan, I'm going to go back out to your living room. I'm going to wait there until you come out even if that means staying there for the next hundred years. When you do come out we're going to talk. No yelling or threats, just talking about how you are feeling."

"Don't blame Kyle, it's all my fault." Jordan said, as he pulled himself onto his knees and shuffled in front of me.

I'd have preferred a more neutral location, but at least we were at eyelevel with each other. "Okay, first off you don't have to tell me anything. First Shift is a very personal and private experience shared by a shifter and their guide."

"I have to tell you. If I don't it'll . . . but if I do."

"I get it. First Shift can be difficult. You are basically acting on instinct. You're a pair of seemingly unattached gay wolves, things happen."

"But it didn't happen. I-I tried to mount Kyle, but he forcefully rejected me. I was at least twice his size and he put me down like a misbehaving pup."

I wanted to laugh. I knew very well how powerful Kyle could be even if he did keep that hidden from everyone other than Shock and me. "Did he treat you any differently after that?"

"I- I don't know I only remember that."

"Then you learned the one lesson all shifters have to learn during first shift and you came through it with only your pride injured. You learned that even though you are a big powerful wolf you're not invincible. See, no harm done."

"Don't you understand? I tried to take your mate. No, not just you mate your husband. That’s unforgivable."

"I doubt it would have happened. First off Kyle is primarily a top only, I'm not going into details about the exceptions. Second we are soul bonded, you could no more take him from me than you could take my tiger. He is a part of Shock and I and we are a part of him. Finally I wouldn't have cared if the two of you had actually had sex."

"But your marriage vows."

This time I wasn't able to stop the single laugh. "Our vows consist of me telling Kyle and Shock I belong to them and them telling me that they belong to me and each other."

"But-"

I took ahold of Jordan's hands and sighed. "Listen, you are completely blameless. I ordered Kyle to be your guide because he was the best match. I knew when I gave him that order that there was a high probability that you two would have sex likely more than just once. So how can I blame either of you for following my orders?"

Jordan suddenly lunged forward kissing me. Needless to say I was rather surprised. It was short and gentle. He immediately pulled back and I gripped his hands to keep him from bolting again

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's a cultural thing. I didn't even think about what I was doing!"

I pulled him close and kissed him on the cheek, even controlling my inclination to pull away from his beard. I made sure it was on his cheek and not on the lips, as he had done, to stop his apologies. "I know, and though I'm not entirely comfortable with it, I won't hold it against you. Just try to remember to keep it chaste and I'm never going to return it again. I promised Kyle I'd never kiss anyone else and he was good enough to modify my promise after Shock joined us." I whispered before leaning back.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Of course. Soul bonded, remember? You can sense other's emotions while we actually experience each other. Let me tell you it makes it difficult to keep things hidden for long. What you did is natural for you so you don't have to worry. However I've got some explaining to do."

"You were just trying to comfort me."

"Uh huh, and you can bet that's the basis I'm planning on using as my primary defense."

Jordan laughed and I was so relieved to see him smile.

"Now come on, we need to go to the VR chamber to put your new forms through their paces."

"New forms? I thought that simulation was just to give me an idea of what it feels like to shift. You're telling me you actually made me a shifter!" He closed his eyes and shifted to his median form.

He flexed his fingers, likely remembering I'd forced him to change them. He leaned back and suddenly I knew what he intended.

"Stop right there! Don't you dare howl in this confined space. I don't have ear plugs and with my enhanced hearing you'll blow out my eardrums. This is why we need the VR chamber."

"Can I stay in this form? Is that what I sound like in this form?" He asked in surprise.

His voice was a deep, smooth baritone. If that translated through his howl it would be a sound that may be compared to that of any angel. Several minutes later I sat on a hillside listening to Jordan sing. I was wrong the pure joy in his howls couldn't be compared to angels. No, his beautiful howls held all the power of a god to themselves. I thought maybe it was the smattering of wolf DNA in me, but once Kyle and Shock joined me, they agreed if Jordan wasn't a god himself, he certainly had the voice of one.

***

Note: I’d like to extend a special thank you to WallDragon69 and jglacios for their contributions and help in writing this chapter.

Thank you both for not only providing questions for Prowl-Ar, Mahan, and Shock, but for making me think about future possibilities and all of the support you’ve provided.