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Chapter 17: Motivation Through Mistake

Beta-Reader: Ant0nius

Adela was incredibly angry.

I provided little resistance when she started making demands after seeing how the entire situation had developed into. She seemed surprised by this, almost showing… confused and worried. Rightfully, so as I barely reacted to her orders to restrict my planning and have less of an impact in imposing new ideas without heavy scrutiny. The only moment I did react was when she pulled me into a soft hug. It may not be considered tight to her, but it definitely felt tight to me. Leaning my chin onto her shoulder, I allowed her to have control in that matter. I was clueless how to react to the news regarding Carmesi.

She was alive and… well, mostly well. While she was recovered in critical condition, there were no signs of permanent damage found in her body or in her magic. Yet… the Crest had received quite a beating. She was clearly overwhelmed in her effort to take on Minos on her own. Pulsar mentioned how the young woman had rushed at the Bull Prime, holding nothing back, and eventually just burned herself out in the process. Tired, strained, drained and weakened to the point where she had to be constantly monitored due to the possible issues that could develop in her current circumstance.

And it was all my fault.

While the mission failed 'successfully', that didn't feel like a genuine victory. Luck was to be thanked for the fact that the Death Crest was so disillusioned with the Empire that spared me their normal prisoner's treatment. If I hadn't been that lucky, I wouldn't have been able to reach Carmesi and Pulsar, temporarily stun Minos, and get us all out of that outpost. Had things gone differently… I doubted Carmesi would have been in that hospital bed.

And it was all my fault.

Once more my decision-making left me at odds with something that I felt mostly responsible about. I was being too cocky in the situation. While a good 70% of my plans succeeded, that didn't mean I was a miracle maker all the time. I was limited, not endless, successful, but not eternally victorious. I was too arrogant, and I was growing in that path that now people were getting hurt because of it. The entire situation could have been spared if I hadn't been so simplistic on my views over the Empire's current deployed force. I underestimated how not all outposts followed the standards but would sometimes adapt so to fit with the local problem they faced on a daily basis.

This wasn't going to be a mistake I was going to make ever again. No matter how 'easy' something felt at first glance. I barely ate due to this circumstance, something that was quickly noticed by Grace as she tried to have me eat some of the food on her plate. I refused at first, which prompted Adela and Pulsar to chime in with their own food. A really upsetting circumstance that further unnerved me as I waited for news. I wasn't just let off the hook as lunch and dinner on the first day after the mission was over. Much to my surprise, instead of spending time reading books and working around her garden, the Love Crest just followed around. One could easily mistake these actions as those of a puppy following around someone, but the truth was similar yet… opposite to this view. Grace wasn't the puppet, she was… the concerned parent.

Her behavior, so passive and yet so present and understanding reminded me of the times my own mother would just keep around me whenever I showed signs of trouble about myself or something in particular. It was the kind of behavior that highlighted how, despite how long it's been since I left home and was now trying to make the best out of the situation for myself and others, I was still far from making a complete independent step. I imagined to be completely spared by the chances of being reliant this much on others, to have a big role and make the difference.

Good difference I make by leaving someone I care about in a hospital bed.

The rest of the day proceeded mostly 'smoothly' between lunch and dinner. First came training, followed by reading, then checking the reports from the Narakhan's group and their own interest to know about my conditions and of Carmesi, before checking on the strike forces employed by both Carmie and Pulsar. Everything was on the norm by all means, with the wounded having already been treated and given the chance to recover before being thrown back into training. The trio that was rescued during the prison break were quickly accepted into the fold and it was clear that they lacked any form of chaotic ties to whatever faith the Death Crest was attached to. I was confused by the leeway Sem was willing to let me out with, but soon realized that his words weren't incorrect as he mentioned what humans were.

If Primes were shaped and born to fit within the logic of order and Narakhans were the same species but tied to a world of corruption driven by chaos, humans stood in the middle ground where no deity had fertile ground to create body, behavior and soul. Maybe magic might have been a thing, maybe not. But by the end of the day, none of it shaped Earth into what Prism and the Narakhan's homeworld turned out to be. Unbound and unrestrained… by all means, that opened the door that warranted quite the heavy question.

If I can use Crest Magic due to my status as Grand Knight, would it be correct to assume that… I can do the same for Chaos due to my human nature?

The idea came out in the form of a personal acceptance that we humans have lived for long in chaotic situations and benefited from those most of the time. It wasn't a complete confirmation of mankind's chaotic nature, but rather a full agreement that humans were flexible with their moral compass. Society's mentality ruled and order was a good thing to keep things from escalating and exploding on everyone's faces. But we weren't bound by a single undoubtable nature. We had good thoughts and inner demons.

So… would that be possible? I was frightened to try and put myself in danger, especially when it was clear the Emperor had such a large control over chaos and could control people that provided even a small opening. Then I thought back at that figure, that lady. Chaos incarnate? That seemed to be the biggest way to identify this entity. A representation, but one that didn't seem to have the might to be truly called a real deity due to her 'mistake' in relying on the Emperor's plans the moment he acquired this power. I quickly connected the thought to the strange 'half-killing' dream that I was subjected to. Archie and I had long tried to gain a greater understanding of Narakhan history, but the tales were… mixed. And the truth was hidden in archives restricted to just a handful of top-tier individuals within the Empire. The truth had to be hidden in there and… I doubted we would get our hands into them due to how close the Emperor kept the sole individuals that could access to those.

With that line of thought ending, I managed to get more in touch with my control over Ice magic. What I used with Minos proved that there was so much that all elements could be used for in terms of effectiveness beyond the classic moves. Once their control was at top notch, I doubted anyone would scoff at them bragging about being able to decimate entire armies alone. It was all about sharpening their gift to their own desires and their own understanding of completion. I would give them some advice, but I really didn't feel happy about ruling them around in how they needed to improve.

Some stuff like physical training, weapons training and just general exercises were meant to be taught for the sake of evolving their bodies to the best, but their powers were theirs to develop at their own pace, interest, and prospect. So yes, it still was a long day for all of us during the training sessions, and one that concluded oddly as I decided to sleep alone for that night… only for that decision to be subverted by Grace herself.

The Gazelle Prime this time around wore the nightwear that Addie picked for her, making it less awkward for her to snuggle onto my chest while I pondered about what to do next, how to behave after what happened and… how to react to what would ensue in the near future. These thoughts, plus the guilt and worry I had over Carmie, kept me awake regardless of how tired I felt. Eyes aimed at the ceiling and a few sighs leaving my lips from time to time, and I was up for a sleepless night with the unsuspecting Love Crest.

The girl was tired and couldn't hold onto my determination to remain awake. It wasn't even something I was craving out of personal thoughts, but rather something pushed forth by the implacable nature of my remorse. Sparing a glance at the girl's sleeping form, I also felt a form of guilt towards her.

I thought I understood why she was going out of her way to be there for me, knowing that I had been there for her when she needed it. We weren't doing this out of favors towards each other… no, it was all about being good friends. Did I see Gracie in a romantic sense? I couldn't say for sure without questioning the effects of her Crest. While Adela mentioned how it was easy to perceive something like this if I ended up influenced by it, that didn't prevent the worry to still keep me from jumping the gun. Perhaps I was looking too much into it but… I really wanted to believe that something this big required time to understand and ultimately answer.

But if I have to be honest, I wouldn't… say no to that.

Especially with the fact that Addie was more than open about this kind of circumstance, something that I had yet to digest even though it's been a few days since we last discussed this topic. Would that work? I couldn't say in that very precise instant, but I was definitely going to put some thought about it until I had the chance to do so. Maybe talking with Adela would just help me through this dilemma...

As I mused over these matters, Archie decided to keep quiet about a situation that unfolded in the hospital bay. Carmesi woke up in the early hours of the first day and, after just taking a moment of silence to gauge the situation, she tried to get off her bed. A terrible mistake that almost reopened a couple of wounds. It was just Archie's own intervention that prevented that unpleasant predicament from happening as he personally administered some sedation and restrained her to the bed.

The Fire Crest was far from amused, but calmed down when someone explained her current conditions to her, and the degree of pain she would be in if she left the bed at once. Of course, that sprung a greater exchange of words between the spirit and the Fox Prime, concluding with Archie reluctantly accepting the woman's forceful request to have me sent to the med bay. It was just as Grace woke up and we were leaving for breakfast that we were stopped by the spirit.

The news caught us both off-guard, but we were quick to recover and swiftly rush and see how the situation with Carmesi was. I knew things were fine and that I shouldn't be worried about health-related issues but… I felt the entire burden of my thoughts finally concentrate in those last steps needed to enter the room where Carmie was waiting. Would she be angry? Annoyed? Or even frustrated? Would I be able to answer properly, or would she actually notice that I was behaving differently than usual and draw conclusions, correct or wrong ones?

I felt nervous, and I wasn't feeling the motivation to shrug away the circumstance without feeling genuinely disappointed in myself. These steps felt heavy, and I was glad that Grace wasn't noticing anything about the turmoil currently escalating inside my head. Taking a big intake of air in my lungs, I sharpened my eyes over the door that we were walking to as we turned the last corner to the final hall before the med bay.

Grace paused, perhaps trying to put me in the circumstance of taking that huge step herself. I could tell it was in that moment she noticed how pale I was, but she gave no sign of trying to help as she knew I had to take that step forward.

It wasn't the end of my trouble. It was the beginning of the path towards the ultimate solution to my current issues. So I tapped the door pad on the side and unlocked the way into the med bay and… My eyes were quickly aimed at Carmesi. I took just two steps in, pausing for just a moment as I realized that…

_ She was huffing over a drawing she was trying to get right at her first try. _

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Carmesi huffed as she placed down the paper she had been doodling on, her attention finally being granted the chance to focus on the very element she right now didn't know how to judge.

Theo was tense. It wouldn't take a genius to realize this, but it would definitely take one to understand the reasons behind that nervousness he was in. He wasn't like this normally, but she couldn't grasp why he would behave this wimp-like before her now that the problem was solved.

Sure, Grace was forgiven due to her nature that made her quite prone to be sad around wounded people, and there was no use in her denying that the Fire Crest was recovering from serious injuries. Fighting Minos had been as fun as it had been horrifying. On one hand, she had gotten the chance to finally land a couple of punches on that ugly mug of his. Yet, on the other hand, she had been massacred by the sheer ferocity in his attacks. Large he might be, but his speed was insanely deceptive. It enticed her interest in fighting, but it also flared her fight-or-flight mechanism which forced her to be brasher than usual in combat. This was one mistake she planned on never repeating ever again.

At least until I can kick his ass and actually win that kind of confrontation. Yes, that would do.

Still, the issue was now Theo and his strange attitude about her. The two had moved to her sides while she thought about this, the medicines making it a little tougher on her side to get her thoughts straightened out as fast as they normally would and… she was confused about the human's behavior. Was he planning to back down on her promise? She would burn him alive if that was the case. While the painkillers dulled her suffering and her brain's capacity to connect things as quickly as usual, that didn't mean that Carmie was outright dumb in these precise moments. So, instead of playing along with this kind of game, she spoke and sparked the conversation that was just waiting to be initiated.

“So… how's it been yesterday?"

She definitely couldn't ask for the weather. Despite this effort from her part, they both gave her a surprised look.

“Long?"

A snort left her lips at Theo's quiet guess. “Maybe but… how was it? I see the long faces so… spit it out."

Grace looked quickly at the young man, but she was the one that cracked despite the kind look he gave her. First a sigh, and then her pink eyes were aimed at her.

“We've all been worried about you," The Gazelle Prime finally gave her a curt assessment of the situation on the ship. “You were returned in critical condition."

“I'm mostly fine," Carmesi replied, knowing she couldn't ignore that she was heavily bandaged, some spots of her body feeling incredibly numb due to how many painkillers were running in her body and… she was feeling quite drained on the interest in fighting in that moment. That beating really put her through the need to actually don't fight for once.

“You were so close to dying. Because of me," The human rebuked dryly. “All because I made so many mistakes."

“F-Fuck off," The Fire Crest shot back harshly, only ending up triggering a brief coughing session with her fierceness. “Could have fought better."

“Or maybe you wouldn't have had to fight that big of an obstacle," Theo kept pushing back, his voice growing louder to match with her intensity. “I know this sounds like I'm being condescending or pitying you, but I'm stating what I feel is true. As a commanding officer, I made a huge blunder that could have jeopardized the entire mission. As a friend, I ended up setting you up for a challenge that would have normally killed you if I hadn't been lucky."

“As if," She scoffed calmly. “Where does luck fit with what happened back there?"

He closed his eyes, and it slowly dawned on Carmie that she was looking at a possible revelation being dropped on her. Until now Archie had been incredibly quiet about how his 'boss' has behaved, and to understand that he looked like he hadn't slept at all just put her in a greater state of disappointment. About him and herself.

“Sem didn't put me in prison. He… wanted to talk," The human started to explain. “First, he asked about humanity as a whole, mentioning how he was interested in the fact that my species was one that wasn't created by deities."

A slow nod ensued from Carmesi. “And?"

“And he started to tell me how Chaos was against the Emperor for some big reasons over the fact he misused the power he had to become a deity when Chaos gave him the chance to stand up to others. He is… sympathetic to our side, not our cause, but he isn't planning to leave the Empire. Yet." Theo continued while gritting his teeth. “He then gave me the chance to leave with three other prisoners. We checked for any attempt to infiltrate these as possible passive carriers of the mark, but they were clean."

“That doesn't clarify my question. Where is the lucky factor in this?"

He sighed, his face twisting as if he was sucking a lemon. “There was no guard between the prisons and the main entrance. We managed to leave without being stopped and… even there, I barely got you out of the melee and back to the ship in time to get your condition stabilized."

With the narration ending, Carmesi finally had the answer to her question and… she didn't like it. She now knew why he felt so guilty and why he had some merit to feel like that. But… It felt disappointing for a good part. She lived due to luck, not due to some valiant effort from the young man. At least he was being honest about it, and yet… this wouldn't do.

“I-I mishandled the fight. I could have just held out longer instead of headbutting Minos this much. It was my fault too-"

“I put you in that situation-"

“And I reacted badly," The Fire Crest rebuked with equal annoyance to him. “For the first time ever I admit I messed up with the orders, I believe many would have been more than happy with just that instead of taking the fall for me."

“That's because your fault wasn't as big as mine."

“Do I care?"

…

“W-What?" He asked in pure surprise.

“Do I care if your fault was bigger than mine? Are you seeing me lamenting how this was your fault or some stupid crap what you're spitting?"

“...No?"

“Damn right I'm not," The Fox Prime confirmed fiercely. “And I will also tell you something, but I want you to come really close so you won't forget this ever again. Understood!"

Everyone could feel the room's temperature spiking up as she exclaimed that last word, and the human, being given her demand, could only lean close to her, expecting to be whispered something to make her point heard clearly and well-remembered. What he hadn't expected was that the crafty Fox Prime had just concluded the little circle she had been going for, the little preparation needed for her current interest right in that moment.

One move, that's all she needed to go through to get what she wanted and… Carmesi got it. There was no resistance from the young man, and she was quick to seize the opportunity by giving him an intense kiss. His lips were soft, and she felt quite odd since he didn't have any fur on his face, thus making the experience, which she had for long thought being unpleasant due to what friction and contact some facial hair could have done between her and a partner of hers. Plus, Carmesi felt slightly emboldened by the lack of resilience, merely tapping the back of his head and urging him to lean closer. A difficult feat since they both knew that if he had leaned too much on her, she would have been hurting again. Despite the struggle, they still succeeded and… then she decided to let him go. For a moment.

“This… remember this. Because I will definitely remind you with harsher ways if you try to beat yourself over something we're both at fault for..." She muttered quietly, going back into it and taking some more of that sugar she found in there. There was no complaining from the humans but… eventually it had to end.

The smooching had gone for just a few more minutes and the only witness was staring at the scene with wide pink eyes. Grace didn't look envious or jealous of the sight, merely looking surprised by what she had just seen. Interested even from the way she started humming so eagerly.

“Is it really that good?" The girl inquired, clearly fascinated by the scene she was bestowed with. Both couldn't give a response to that sudden question. Her reaction was… unusual for a normal person to have, but it was actually easy to accept considering the Love Crest's interest in this kind of relationship. Should this be granted an answer? Theo wasn't speaking, clearly shocked to the point where it turned awkward to provide a vocal response and… it was clear that Carmesi had to take part in this situation and solve it herself.

But before the Fox Prime could have come up with something, her brain had to reboot as she felt another pair of lips pressing against hers. Sweeter, but lacking confidence, the Gazelle Prime's kissing was perhaps the proof that kissing was different between other people. Her blue eyes went wide open while Grace's were close as to enjoy the moment. The forwardness still made up for quite the sensation as she felt caught off-guard in a pleasant way by that move.

The human was shocked by the scene, failing to comprehend the situation due to its suddenness, but the situation shifted even further in an awkward manner when she pulled away from the now-stunned Carmesi and moved to kiss Theo as well. She leaned over the wounded girl, managing to easily find perch for her lips right into his. There was no hesitation to her kissing from the receiving side, and this time she actually felt more confident. Enough to actually deepen the kiss.

Instead of just remaining still, the human reacted by bringing his left hand to her cheek and giving it a caress. That actually had the Love Crest tense at his touch, the surprise waning away the moment she realized what he was doing and eventually seeing her lean to the loving touch. The kiss was steamier, but far from actually escalating any further.

Carmesi blinked, her brain finally finished rebooting as she finally started to track down what had just happened and assess the situation. She should have expected this. And yet she hadn't due to how the painkillers were screwing with her capacity to think rationally over the scene she was being bestowed with. Grace seemed to be enjoying it, and the Fire Crest knew well enough that there were many good reasons why she should but… it was still incredibly awkward to watch unfold. Should she claim for more? Did she have that kind of leverage?

After Gracie was done with this, the Love Crest pulled away, her eyes wide open and her cheeks burning red as she looked like she had enjoyed this double action a lot. Licking her lips, and further gauging both experiences on an individual level, she allowed herself a giggle and soon she nodded in agreement to her previous question.

“It is that good."

That comment drew blushes from both the wounded fighter and the Grand Knight, but it also opened up a big question in their minds before this behavior. How much did it matter to the girl and how much did this matter to them?

For them both, only confusion seemed to be the way to go and… Grace could only giggle as she saw how amusing their reactions were being at her forwardness. It was truly entertaining and it got her to test more of those boundaries that she had been so careful to study about before crossing them.

_ So Addie was right about it, she pondered mischievously before plotting about doing more than just those innocent interactions. _

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Adela giggled as she finished watching the footage of what was going on inside the med bay. She looked at Archie, the spirit holding a hand over his mouth to not chuckle at the situation himself but failing miserably as he glanced at her amused face. Pulsar was sitting beside the young queen, glancing at the screen with half his attention as he focused on wolfing down his breakfast.

“I believe I've proven my point to him and… Carmie. Am I right?"

“D-Definitely, your highness," The floating spirit confirmed, finishing laughing just now. “But still, I'm surprised as to why you didn't join them to greet Carmesi's awakening."

“Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask about too," The Ice Crest highlighted, drawing a calm look from the Coyote Prime. “I mean, shouldn't you at least be there to make sure things don't get worse?"

“It would have made for an easier scene," She admitted calmly. “But it would have felt so artificial. I'm not trying to set a stage for Theo but I know he needs this push. Just a push into emotional honesty."

“And you… thought that being there too and adding more to the escalation would have been too much?" Archie inquired some more and he drew a calm sigh out of her.

The young Queen knew the wild game she was playing at and how it could be easily helping her build something amazing or even tear everything apart. Which was why she strongly advocated for minimal intervention about it.

A ruler she might be, but she wasn't a controlling tyrant. She had a big enough example stacked against her for her morals to allow her to turn into it. The young woman was certainly unwilling to let randomness dictate how their romantic situation was to develop, but that didn't mean she was going to risk it all for the maximum efficiency.

“Sometimes it's best to not be too powerful in a situation. It prevents mistakes to be made, and for issues to arise out of nothing. It's not easy, but it's the right way as far as I can tell."

Archie nodded. “Didn't mean to make it sound like I disagreed with it. Only that I was surprised by the minimal presence of your actions."

“Moderation, my dear Archie," She replied happily, soon her gaze turning to Pulsar. “By the way, do you think we can convince you to fall in love with Theo too?"

The idea gained a shocked look from the spirit and a surprised look from the Hamster Prime, giving another good reason for the girl to giggle during that pause. It was clear that she had caught them both off guard.

“Sorry, your highness. But that's a bit… beyond my interests. I'm not into guys."

“Aww."

“M-My lady-" Archie blurted out nervously.

“I'm kidding," The young woman interrupted before erupting in some amused howling. “S-Seriously, I wouldn't do that to these two morons. Both have their interests and… and if that happens, I would just be surprised."

The spirit nodded, still eyeing confused at the weird take this conversation had taken. “As you say… my lady."

Adela sighed positively, merely nodding at the suspicious look the small being was giving her, rendering for the fuel for her current amusement. Her mother was definitely right about teasing people with such weird things from time to time, she conceded within her mind.

“Good. Now, how about we go and check on them? Maybe give them a fright."

The smile on Archie's face was back at that proposal and soon the trio left the kitchen to check on Carmesi and genuinely verify how the situation was unfolding there. While it was all fun and nice to take jabs at these silly trio, it was just for the best to make sure that the Fire Crest's injuries were properly checked and she was given the chance for a healthy and stable recovery.

The threats they ended up being stacked against in that outpost assault just left them in a particularly difficult circumstance. It was only correct for the Queen to take some steps herself in that realm of politics and finally style her own plans. In this case, it was time for Theo to be put aside for a while as she gave her own try to this kind of plotting. She felt ready and confident for this.

_ It was only her royal duty and right, something that her lovely but silly knight better learned one way or another. _

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AN

Little slow chapter… next time we take on the next Crest! Prepare your floaties, it's a Beach Episode!!