FSE

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Alrighty, as promised, even if it is a little late this week. Sucks not being able to think sometimes.

Anyway, let me know you think.

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The tears flooded freely from Michiko's bright green eyes, almost tracing the orange lines of fur that formed the mask of her mother's people. A double crack of thunder sounded from outside, echoing off the surrounding buildings, and the rain intensified, becoming almost a roar as the storm loosed its full fury. But the panda-fox only barely noticed it. Indeed, she didn't even register how soaked she was, or how cold the rain sodden air was. Not even the heavy scent of the storm, so powerful to her nose a moment before, made any impression. Rather, her mind was filled with the quiet breathing of the white wolf, the strong rhythm of his heartbeat; the warmth that seemed to surround her more completely than the muscular arms that embraced her. The aroma that filled her nostrils, all clean earth and warm, sweet spice seemed to complete the barrier that blocked out the world so completely. Even the turmoil of the night's events seemed to drain away, as if the memories were being steadily obscured by static, and she unconsciously nuzzled her head into the hollow of his neck as Kael held her

“Shhhh..." He said softly, almost a whisper into her ears as she cried, a second heavy, shuddering sob rolling through her. “Its ok."

Strangely, as if the words had been a command, the awful, terrible weight of grief and betrayal eased within her, icy claws letting go. The horrible pressure that had made her feel like she might explode was fading. Moment by moment, then a minute, then another, it flowed out of her like a drain had been opened and finally, she felt the tears stop. Opening watery eyes, she finally leaned back fully onto her feet, rather than half holding herself up with the wolf. Wiping away the last of her tears with one hand, she took a shaky breath and it was then, finally, that she realized that they were still standing close, that his arms were still around her, though his grip was gentle. He hadn't let go...

Suddenly embarrassed, she moved back tentatively, widening the gap between them. To her sudden, strange disappointment, now he slackened his grip, letting her back up as she would. Finally, when she stood at arms length, his hands resting on her biceps, she looked up at his very blue eyes, seeing only the familiar warmth in them. Or did she... For a moment, just a fraction of an instant, she thought she saw something else there as well. Regret?

“I'm...I'm sorry." Michiko managed, deciding that it had been a trick of the light, or maybe just her confused state of mind, but the wolf immediately shook his head, a smile forming on his lips.

“For what?" He asked, then stepped back, drawing her further into his home, finally swinging the door shut behind them with an easy thrust of one hand. With the solid wooden barrier between them and the storm, the warmth of the place was complete and she shuddered, suddenly very aware of the cold rain that had soaked her. “You're shivering. Let me get you a towel, then I will make us something hot to drink." Nodding her assent as the wolf hurried to his bedroom and returned with a luxuriously thick towel, Michiko found herself suddenly lost for words. She had had so much to say, so many things on her mind, but it was like the extreme relief of being here had taken all of the words away as the pain had faded. She pondered that while she toweled off, her shivering getting worse as the warmth of the condo started to take away the cold.

Finally, while Kael bustled around in the kitchen, Michiko stood in the living room, draping the damp towel he had given her around her neck, holding on to the ends with both hands. She was fragile still, inside; hurting and vulnerable, but that was ok, somehow. She could afford to be vulnerable here, could afford to let her guard down. The old instincts to keep her emotional armor up were still there, but they were distant, the urge to obey the feeling oddly lacking within her, despite the night she had had so far. She still felt indescribably awkward, as if getting here, inside the wolf's home, had been the sum total of her planning, and now her subconscious was shrugging its shoulders at her when she tried to plan out how to say what she needed to say, to explain about the night's events.

Trying to get her mind going again, the panda-fox looked around the room, smiling at the uncluttered arrangement of furniture. The condo had been laid out in Mastiran style, the simple lines of the comfortable furniture so familiar that being here was almost like being back home, rather than on the other side of the continent. Everything was laid out exactly the way it had been the last time she was here, before winter break and the memory of hanging out and playing games with Kael and Gregg and their other friends that night was pleasant enough, even if it included Andy. But then, as she turned in a slow circle, picturing the place as it had been that frigid night, warm and full of laughter, she paused, something catching her eye that hadn't been there before.

Hanging on the wall, around the corner from where the TV was placed, a familiar sword hung, supported by its hilt, point downward. It was a beautifully made dress sword, well forged but ornamentally designed, its hilt laid out in silver with a pearly white inlay, a deep, pale blue jewel set in the pommel. The blade itself had a long, curling string of tracery down the blade, painstakingly inscribed with old Mastiran script. Michiko recognized the blade as being the one that had been presented to Kael by his grandfather on the day he completed his training, officially becoming a Knight, and adding the honorific of 'Sir' before his name. By tradition in the Duranus family, the scrollwork down the blade was the lineage of its bearer, spelled out in the ancient tongue of their people, and it was truly a one-of-a-kind sword, forged by one of the few remaining master swordsmiths. But more impressive than the beautiful sword, was what was arrayed around it on the wall. Surrounding the sword, arrayed outward in spirals as if the pommel stone of the sword was the epicenter of a firework star, were several dozen framed pictures.

Intrigued, Michiko looked at the pictures one by one, her curiosity growing as she moved along the rows. All of the pictures were of Kael, but they seemed to have been drawn from all over his life. One picture, so old it was starting to fade, depicted a wolf pup so young it had to be only a few days old, curled up sleeping in a swaddling blanket, the familiar silver markings barely visible against the pristine white of the short stubble just starting to cover pink skin, the image making her smile. She had never seen that picture before, but her friend had clearly been incredibly cute as a pup, though most babies were at that stage, especially when sleeping. Another picture on the other side of the sword showed a quartet of very young wolves, all grinning toothily at the camera, arms thrown over each other's shoulders, all with the silver crown markings on their foreheads, and all splattered with mud as if they had been wrestling in it.

The crown mark showed they were all from the Duranus family, the silver a dominant trait passed down in the bloodline, but only one of the quartet was pure, snowy white. She thought she recognized one of the others as Kael's cousin, Rhen, his unique mottled grey and brown pelt recognizable despite the mud that dripped off him. Another picture showed Kael at about the same age as that picture, but dressed in the grey sparring uniform of the knights, a weighted training sword held in an approximation of the right fighting stance, and an expression probably intended to look fierce on his face, but that only came off as silly on one so young. Another picture almost in line with that one showed a Kael she actually recognized, the twelve year old clad in the sleek black silk uniform of a squire, proudly holding a blunted, steel bladed sword in almost the same position as he had as a kid, but held as one who knew exactly what he was doing, as if actually ready for a fight, his expression showing confidence, not false ferocity.

At first, she didn't really know what she was looking at, then as she noticed a third picture in the same vein, in the rank of pictures closest to the sword, this one of a handsome seventeen year old Kael, dressed in the full surcoat and mail of a knight, a very real and very sharp sword in hand, that she put it together. These were all important memories for her friend, defining moments as it were. Glancing around the other spirals, she knew she was right when she saw her friend in graduation robes from their high school, again, closest to the sword in a line of similar pictures. And then, her eyes went wide, staring in surprise at a picture that was close by the sword, prominently placed right above the pommel so it was impossible to miss, because her own smiling face was staring back at her out of it.

She was so surprised that it took her a moment to recognize where it had been taken, her heart giving a strange leaping skip as she took in the photo. She was wearing a formal dress of deep red silk that had once belonged to her grandmother, richly embroidered with pink cherry blossoms and leafy vines of gold, the bright color setting off her green eyes. In the picture, she was standing arm in arm with Kael, the wolf dressed in the old style formal tunic of the Knights, the dress sword scabbarded at his side, the deep blue cloth blending pleasingly with the bright red of her dress. She could still remember the touch of the velvet under her hand while they had beamed at the formal photographer.

She remembered the night it had been taken, of course, how could she not? It was a shining memory to her too, the first formal event she had gone to as an adult. Every year, on Midsummer's Eve back home, a huge feast was held in the castle, a celebration that apparently went back more than a thousand years. The event was invitation only, and extremely exclusive, with even the majority of celebrities being denied entry. Michiko had been surprised to find out that all of the titled knights of the surviving bloodlines were automatically invited, and suitably shocked when, out of the blue, Kael had invited her to come with him as his guest. Actually, what he had said, in his typical old courtly manner, was 'will you do me the honor of accompanying me to the Midsummer Feast, Milady?', giving her a sweeping bow. How was any girl to refuse that?

Not that she had been tempted to say no, of course, considering that every girl (and boy) their age talked about the feast, and fantasized about being invited. It was probably the most well known event of the entire year back home, and being able to go was a status symbol in its own right. After she had fumbled out a surprised acceptance of the invitation, she had asked Kael why he had asked her, of all people. Why not one of the girls from their high school, who still, even after graduation, had been angling to ask him out, or be asked out by him. True to form, the wolf had seemed surprised that she needed to ask, saying that she was the only one he knew who would appreciate the history of the Feast, and not merely want the prestige of going. He was right about that; from the moment they had been formally announced as 'Sir Kael Duranus, and Miss Michiko Sakai', by a wolf dressed in the ancient livery of the Mastiran Royal Guard no less, she had gloried in the traditions. All the way through the very old, formal dance that preceded the feast and the time after the wonderful meal, when they walked the castle grounds with other knights and nobles, she had felt like she was living in a dream, loving every moment of it.

She had felt almost like they had stepped backward in time, and if not for the ubiquitous photographers, she would really have believed it. Of course, the memory was not without its own share of annoyances. She had wanted and expected to just enjoy the event, since neither of them had the slightest fame. Even Kael was only a very new knight, even if he was from an ancient family, but several of the photographers apparently thought that the two of them, with her unique fur pattern and unusual style of dress, and Kael, with his own unusual coloration and dashing appearance, cut such a fine, distinctive appearance, that they had decided to include them in quite a few picture spreads. That had been annoying enough, but when a reporter had decided to ask them some questions for background, it had gotten very uncomfortable. Thankfully, Kael's family had, with the usual almost spooky pack instinct that wolves had always been renowned for, noticed and intervened, interposing themselves in a mass between them and the reporter, doing it in such a way that it seemed accidental. She and Kael had taken the opportunity to make a hasty retreat to the inner courtyard, from which all but invited guests were barred.

The rest of the night had passed pleasantly enough, and Kael had seen her home with his usual polite manners. Her mother had teased them both when he walked her to her door, but far from being offended, Kael had returned her mother's teasing with his usual easy humor before bidding her goodnight with a deep, sweeping bow. Yuki had given Michiko a very knowing grin when she watched her friend drive off, but she had passed it off like it was nothing, because that is what it was.

That night had been like a gift to her, and she had cherished it. She still did, as a matter of fact. Of course, her standing in the social order of teenagers, rather low up until that point, had gone up a few dozen places afterward, when the other girls had seen her and Kael in the picture spreads. That, of course was a blessing and a curse, because she had had to endure the jealousy of those who assumed that she and Kael had been dating at the time, but that didn't change the memory. Her thoughts were interrupted a moment later when the rich, delicious scent of chocolate hit her nostrils and she turned in surprise to find Kael holding out a steaming mug of light brown liquid to her, an easy smile on his lips.

“Thank you." She said, taking the mug and carefully sipping the hot chocolate inside. It was too hot to drink quickly, but gods, it was delicious. No quick mix powder this; no, this tasted like the wolf had made it from scratch, real melted chocolate whipped with milk and cream. Another careful sip that almost scalded her throat confirmed to her that that was exactly what the wolf had done. The second sip sent tingling jets of heat through her entire body and she shivered in delight, her tail starting to wag despite her still mixed up emotions. Giving her another smile, Kael led the way over to the couch, letting her settle in one side, while he took the other. For a few minutes, the pair sat in silence, sipping at their mugs, the only sound being the storm outside the walls of this sanctuary. Then, finally, Michiko sat the cup down on the coffee table, her hands fidgeting in her lap and her friend took that as a sign.

“So," He began, setting his own cup down. “Tell me what happened, and who I need to deliver the beating to."

“Heh," Michiko chuckled in spite of herself, the gentle humor drawing her out, as it always had, bringing a half smile to her lips. Taking a moment to compose herself, she tried to figure out where to begin. “Well... I got out of class early today and I decided to go over to Andy's place. We had...well, I had, made plans to spend the night and at least part of the weekend together..." She paused, wondering how much she needed to tell her friend. Not details of what she had wanted to do certainly, but would it make a difference to know why she had wanted to spend so much time with Andy, and especially why it hurt so much to hear what she had overheard?

“Naturally." Kael remarked, slipping the word encouragingly into the moment of silence, taking another sip from his steaming mug.

“I...uh... We have..." She started to say, then sighed, and shook her head sadly. “We have been having problems." When she said that, Kael cocked his head to the side in the usual manner of his race, the questioning expression saying it all. “Well, not problems exactly. I don't know what to call it really. I mean, it was nothing that I could really point to. But I have had a sense for a while now that he was hiding something from me, or maybe he just didn't like me the way I thought he did."

“How do you mean?" The wolf asked.

“Well," She started to say, taking a large gulp of the still steaming chocolate, trying to buy herself a little more time to think about how to put it. It worked a little too well, the gulp too hot and she had to work to swallow it. How could she say it without bringing up things she didn't want to share? Then, as she finally forced the hot mouthful of creamy chocolate down, she looked at her friend again and felt her hesitance fade. She didn't need to hide it, not from him. “I guess it all started with the day I told him that I am a herm. He... Well, you know how everyone reacts to that at first, how it takes them a couple of seconds to process what it means?" Kael nodded in confirmation, a tiny ghost of a smile on his muzzle. He alone had not reacted the usual way, and it had been his presence, more than anything else, that had given her the confidence to tell the few friends she had told back in grade school. “Well...he didn't. He acted surprised the second it came out of my mouth. I didn't think much of that at the time, but I guess it was always hovering in the back of my mind. Like, he was waiting for me to say it, and had his reply all figured out."

“Wait." The wolf said, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You mean..?"

“Yeah, I'm getting there." Michiko replied, tapping her fingertips together nervously in her lap. “Anyway... Every time we have been...intimate... Its never been quite as...I dunno, satisfying? As I think it should be, I mean. I have always felt like I am missing something from it all. I thought that that was all kind of a natural part of being in a relationship with someone, especially for someone like me, but I wanted to spend a long stretch of time together, figuring things out. I thought that would help."

“What happened?" Kael prompted, taking another sip from his mug and she couldn't help but notice how the muscles in his arms moved beneath the white fur. His arms held the very peculiar kind of definition she knew belonged to expert swordsman alone, the muscles built up by millions of repetitions of the same strikes with weighted weapons. He just looked impressive, even just sitting there sipping a mug of hot chocolate. Oddly, the image that floated through her head as she looked at him was a shirtless Kael, muscles flexing as he reached out for her, hands open and welcoming, the image stirring up thoughts that had very little to do with what they were talking about. Dismissing the image as quickly as it appeared as a little tingle of arousal washed through her nethers, Michiko forced her mind back on topic. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Well, since I got out early, I thought we would have more time together, and he couldn't object to that, so I headed over to his place." The hybrid girl paused for a moment, steeling herself to relive the event. “When I got there, it was starting to rain, so he didn't hear me knocking. I was getting soaked, and I didn't think he would mind if I came in out of the rain, so I tried the door handle and it was open. But Andy wasn't alone. Darren was there too."

“Is Darren that jerk puma who is always going on about his latest one night stand?" Kael asked, his ears twitching. When Michiko nodded, he shook his head. “I have never liked that prick."

“Me neither. Anyway, they were in the kitchen, out of sight of the door, and they were talking. I didn't try and eavesdrop, honestly, but I couldn't help but hear it." Camouflaging her discomfort with the memory with another sip of hot chocolate, she forged ahead, looking down into the mug. “They were talking about me, about our relationship. He...he called me a freak."

“He what!?" Kael exclaimed, the sharp edge in his voice surprising her. Looking up, she saw the utter shock on his face. She didn't quite know what she had expected, telling her friend that, even knowing how he felt on the subject. To him, anyone treating her differently because she was what she was, was totally absurd. But the expression was more than shock; because there, quickly hidden under the surprise, she caught a glimpse of some very deep pain that seemed to go deeper than mere sympathy. It was gone in an instant, so fast that she questioned if she had really seen it.

“And then he...he said he was only with me because of some bet he had with his friends." She said, tears coming to her eyes as she said it. Wiping them away, she looked away from her friend for a moment, finally speaking aloud the thought that she had been struggling with. “Which means that he knew what I was from the beginning. And all of this has just been some sort of sick joke to them. He doesn't...He doesn't care about me at all. He never did." Looking down at her hands through blurry eyes, she felt everything crash down on her all at once. This was just one more event in the big long string of painful moments that had made up her life. What did she expect? People had always treated her like this, and it wasn't going to change. She was just going to have to get used to it. Swallowing against the tears, she listened to the thunder in the distance. Then, she saw a flash of a pair of white blurs, slow but moving steadily, and then she felt Kael's hands clasp her own.

“Gods above and below, I am so sorry Michiko." Kael said and she looked up in surprise as he pulled her unresisting into another hug. Returning the embrace once again, she felt the same sorrow-banishing warmth that she had when she had practically thrown herself into his arms earlier, the dark memories pushed out of her head in a heartbeat. As Kael held her to him, she felt an unconscious smile come to her muzzle despite everything. She couldn't believe that she had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't all dark and sad. There was at least one bright spot. “No one deserves that Michiko, especially not you. I can't believe anyone could be so...cruel."

“I can't either." She agreed, finally leaning back, pulling back with regret from his arms. This time, she was certain she felt a reluctance to slacken his grip, but she would never expect less from him. He was too good a person to let a friend suffer without comfort. Looking back at the cup on the coffee table, she reached out and took another sip, wiping her eyes with the other hand as she did. The chocolate had cooled enough by now that it didn't hurt going down, and she savored the rich, creamy taste. “Anyway, I left after that and I didn't care that they knew I had heard. As I was leaving, Andy came out after me, but I couldn't face him, not after that. And then, I came here. You are the only one I could think of who I could talk to about this." And the only one who could comfort me, and make me stop feeling lost, she added silently. Kael gave her a familiar, small smile, accompanied by a faint blush under his white fur, the kind he wore when anyone complimented him for doing something he considered normal and expected.

“Well, I guess I have my answer," Kael said quietly, and Michiko looked at him with her head cocked to the side, confused. After a moment, Kael's smile broadened and became slightly mischievous. “The next time I see Andy, he is going to get one hell of a beating." In spite of herself, she laughed, the complete absurdity of the non sequitur releasing some of the tension that had built up inside her.

“Thanks Kael, I needed that." She said, still chuckling. Looking out the window as another peal of thunder almost shook the building, Michiko felt a strange feeling of calm descend over her, as if she had felt too much sadness today and she couldn't feel anymore. After a moment or two, she finally asked the question that she had never been able to answer. “Why are people so..."

“Mean?" Kael asked, finishing the question with the soft word. Michiko nodded. “Honestly I don't know. I wish I did, sometimes, so I could stop it."

“Maybe I really am just a freak." She said morosely, looking down at her hands again. “I'm just going to have to accept that, and accept that I am going to be alone because of it. I'm never going to have a normal relationship."

“No." Kael said with finality, shaking his head, and downing the last of the chocolate in his cup, licking his chops to get the last of the frothy liquid. “You are not a freak, Michiko. Since the moment I met you, you have been one of the kindest, and most wonderful people I have ever known. There is no way you are going to end up alone. Its impossible."

“Then what is it?" Michiko asked, desperate for an answer. “Why does this keep happening to me?"

“You just need to find the right person, that's all." The wolf replied, setting his empty cup back on the coffee table, very carefully not looking at her. There was something in his demeanor when he said that, that made her really look at him, seeking something out of place. She had never heard that tone in his voice, a faint quaver, something she was almost sure she imagined. She had also never, not once in their long friendship, seen him be reluctant to look at her. “You need to find someone who will love you for who and what you are, not in spite of it."

“I don't think that kind of person exists." She stated, feeling dejected, finishing off the last of her cup, eyeing the residue left over at the bottom. Even the rich, extra chocolaty dregs at the bottom of the cup weren't enough to stop the bleak despair that was struggling to get out into the front of her mind. “How can they?"

“Well, I know they exist." Kael stated so quietly that she almost didn't hear him. Does he mean..? Hope blossomed in her, small, irrational, but as bright as the summer sun. His voice remained quiet as he continued. “I know... because... I do."

Everything stopped in an instant. Michiko's eyes snapped upward as the sound of the rain outside seemed suddenly silent, as if even the storm was gasping. The soft words hung in the air between them as she saw that Kael was looking down at his lap where his fingers were tapping nervously. She had never seen him look like that before, his whole posture speaking of embarrassment, ears folded back almost flat, tail tucked beside him, completely still. Though his white fur was still thick with his winter coat, obscuring the skin, she knew he was blushing beneath it.

“W-what?" She asked, shocked. There was no way he had said it, no way the words had come out of his mouth. It was impossible. Not from him, not Kael, not the handsome, wonderful wolf knight. Not from her best friend. The wolf let out a resigned sigh, his eyes closing for a moment, then at last he looked up at her, very blue eyes deep, intense and focused.

“I. Do." He repeated, slowly, emphasizing the words. The shock of his confirmation was so profound that it was all Michiko could do to put the cup down safely on the table, her hands shaking and clumsy. She couldn't comprehend it, it was too much. There was just no way this was happening. “Michiko, I love everything about you. I love how sweet you are when we are together. And I especially love all the little things about you. Like, the little wiggle your tail does when I surprise you."

The gentle touch of his hand on her fluffy white tail tip seemed to punctuate the statement, the appendage giving the wiggle he had just mentioned, the wolf's fingertips trailing softly through her fur. That touch was so slight, and so gentle, by all rights she should have only barely noticed it, but it sent an exhilarating shiver up the length of her spine, making all her fur stand on end. His lips formed a warm smile at some memory and she swallowed at the sudden lump in her throat. No one had ever talked like this about her, not once in her whole life. And to hear the words coming from him...

“I love the way you laugh, and that little smile you get whenever you see me." That surprised her. She didn't smile every time... Did she? “You probably don't even know you do it, and I love that too." She had no idea if she had been leaning towards him, or it had been the other way around, but they were suddenly only inches apart, his intense blue eyes so earnest and sincere as he gazed at her, his other hand coming up, gently brushing the fur of her cheek, fingertips tracing the edge of the white mask around her muzzle where it met the orange of the back of her neck.

This touch too was as light as a feather, hesitant, as if he wasn't sure it was ok, giving her every opportunity to pull away if she wanted. But the touch seemed to let loose something deep down inside her, something she didn't even know existed, something hot and hungry. It didn't want her to pull away, and she agreed with it. Rather than pulling back, she leaned into the touch, wanting him to pull her closer. The faint touch became a warm caress, and the hungry thing that had been set loose within her growled its approval, making her heart hammer in her chest. Oh gods... That is more than ok. “And more than anything, I love the way your eyes shine when you are happy, like... sunlight shining through leaves. I wish I could make them do that everyday. I..."

Michiko might not have known how they had ended up so close together, but that didn't matter. Before she realized she had made the decision to do it, she had moved forward, her lips meeting his. The whole world was suddenly in motion again, spinning wildly on every axis and she couldn't care less. Her whole world consisted of the kiss, his taste, sweeter than the taste of chocolate that still lingered on his lips, the way his hand slipped back behind her head, pulling her gently closer as the kiss deepened. Her heart was hammering in her chest, her eyes closing as she pressed herself against him, reaching out for the wolf that held her. That first, wonderful kiss could only have lasted a few moments, but even as they parted to take a quick breath, Michiko wanted more. Unhesitating, she reached out both hands, pulling them together by his shirt while their muzzles met again, this time deeper and more passionately than that first hesitant kiss. The thunder of the storm was nothing compared to the fireworks of that second kiss and she felt Kael's arms reach out for her, pulling her to him just as tightly as she clung to him. Then, suddenly, Kael broke the kiss, panting hard, his grip slackening.

“W-Wait." He panted quietly, his eyes closed, hands landing on her biceps, twitching on her arms as if he was fighting with himself somehow. What!? Horror instantly crossed into her mind, thinking that she had misread everything, that she had imagined his earlier words. But no, he had returned her kiss, eagerly and with a passion even her imagination hadn't been able to come up with. She felt so confused, and she looked at him in surprise. “Michiko, I love you, and I have wanted to do this for so long. But..."

“But what?" She asked, desperate to understand.

“But I don't want..." He said, looking at her with an almost pleading look mixed with such a depth of desire and love that it only made her want to hold him even closer. “I want this, but I don't want this to happen because you are hurting, and sad." As he paused, it occurred to her exactly what he was talking about, and an overwhelming feeling of affection surged to life in her heart. He doesn't get it... Putting one finger to his lips, as he started to continue, cutting him off before he could say anything else.

“Oh Kael," She said, shaking her head in amusement despite the wild mix of feelings that were making her head spin. “You silly wolf," Meeting his eyes, she smiled, trying to imbue the look with everything she had ever felt for him. “Don't you understand? I am never sad when I am with you. This has nothing to do with that." How could he not know how attractive and desirable he was? But at the same instant, a tiny, niggling doubt appeared in her mind. She tried to dismiss the traitorous thought, tried not to listen to it, but now that she had thought it, it wouldn't go away. What if...

“Are you sure about that?" The wolf asked, looking at her with a heartbreaking expression that was way too understanding. Giving a sigh, Kael shook his head sadly at what he saw in her eyes. “I thought so."

“Kael, no." The panda-fox replied firmly, reaching out to caress his cheek in turn. “I have wanted you since you took me to the Midsummer Feast. I wanted to kiss you all that night, to be held by you, just... to be with you." Her admission caught both of them by surprise, her even more than him. She hadn't realized it before, but the moment the words were out of her mouth, she knew they were the truth. The attraction had been there practically from the moment they had met, but she had just never understood how deep that attraction had gone. But then, why did it suddenly come out now? Why today, of all days? Why not before, when she wasn't feeling like this? Giving a sigh, Michiko lowered her gaze, loosening her grip on her friend's shirt. “But."

“But?" Kael prompted, his expression unreadable to her. There was joy there, unmistakable joy, but there was also apprehension and a sort of sadness that she couldn't recognize.

“You are right." She said. “I am sad, and I am hurting. I don't think I ever would have kissed you like that if I hadn't been. I wouldn't even be here if I wasn't." Heaving a heavy sigh, she shook her head. “I'm sorry Kael."

“I'm not." He replied, the matter-of-fact statement making her rock back slightly, another genuine smile coming to his lips. “You are a good kisser." For a moment, the hybrid girl gaped at him in surprise, then she laughed, swatting his shoulder and making him laugh as well, putting his hands up in surrender.

“That isn't funny!!" She exclaimed, unable to stop giggling as he let her sit back onto the couch cushion. The small joke, completely out of the blue, broke the tension between them and she felt everything relax finally, taking all of her distress with it. They didn't need to figure it out yet, didn't need to do anything at all, not tonight. That thought made the hungry thing inside her howl with anger at the denial, but even that didn't matter.

“I'm not joking." Kael replied, grinning at her in a way that made her sure that he had intended for the comment to do what it had done. “About either thing. I'm not sorry, and you really are a good kisser."

“Thanks Kael." Michiko replied, suddenly feeling tired and drained. Today had been awful, far too full of emotion, and she knew she wasn't thinking clearly. Managing a deep breath that she let out in a rush, she continued. “For everything. I mean that."

“You are welcome Michiko." He replied, and they fell silent, the storm outside the condo making its presence known with another clap of thunder. Then, to her own surprise, the panda fox yawned broadly and shook her head. “Tired?"

“Gods, yes." She replied. She was so tired, her mind was already making her thinking sluggish.

“Well, you can take the bed," The wolf said matter-of-factly, clearly taking it as a fact that she would be spending the night. “I'll sleep out here."

“I can't take your bed!" Michiko protested, taken aback.

“Well you certainly aren't taking the couch." The wolf replied, looking slightly indignant. “You are my guest, besides, you need it more than I do. I was already napping here when you came over anyway."

“Kael, don't be silly." She said, feeling her face heat up with invisible embarrassment.

“No, I won't hear of it." He said, shaking his head and standing up, offering her his hand. Allowing him to help her up to her feet, she followed as her friend led the way down the short hall, opening the door to the bedroom and stepping aside so she could enter. “Now, if you need anything, let me know."

“Okay..." She said, stepping into the room and finding it looking the way it always had. The familiar simple, yet obviously comfortable bed, the thick flannel sheets, even the small plant on the window sill that she remembered from last time were there. Yet, somehow, the room felt different, as if knowing that he loved her, and she loved him, had fundamentally altered the nature of the room. It wasn't just a bed before her, it was HIS bed. And yet, that didn't make it any less inviting. Actually, it might just have made it even more so. In fact, the only thing that would have made it any more inviting was if the wolf would be sharing it with her. Holding her while they slept, maybe, not even sleeping for a while yet... No, no. She forced her mind away from that train of thought once more when a little flare of heat surged through her loins once more at the image. We are NOT going down that road tonight.

“Goodnight then, milady Michiko." Kael said, starting to turn away, “Sleep well."

“Wait." She said, reaching out for him. When he turned back, she stepped in close and embraced him once more, planting a chaste kiss on his cheek, rather than the hungry kiss that other side of herself wanted. “Goodnight Kael. Thank you for being there for me, again."

“Any time, Michiko." He replied, returning her embrace and gently nuzzling his head against hers, the intimate gesture every bit as meaningful as the kiss. Then, finally, she let him go and he stepped away, switching off the hall light as he went. Unable to keep her eyes off of his silhouetted form as he walked away, especially his hips and the fact that his tail was wagging contentedly, she finally forced herself to shut the door, rather than going after him as she was tempted to do.

How the hell can I still be doubting that I want him? She asked, settling back against the door for a moment, facing the bed. Taking a deep breath before walking over to it and sitting down on its edge, she knew the answer without consciously thinking it. Because I don't want to screw this up. Bad enough to want to stop it entirely? Hell no.