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P.O.V. - Roger - Outside the Admin Office

As I walked back to the dorm I replayed bits and pieces of my session with Ms. Thurlington. Repress, suppress... I always confuse the 2. Either way, I wonder if she kinda has a point. I mean, suppressed emotions have a way of building up over time and since I have an emotional connection now... but of course I try to suppress them! Who would WANT to do a strobe light impersonation when they're being introduced to a class? Is that really from suppressing my feelings though? What if my deviance is still changing and all this has nothing to do with it? I pushed open the exterior door and, for the first time since my arrival at the school, the air outside was warm enough that it didn't break my train of thought. And so what if she's right? _I can't just let my emotions run wild, then it gets even worse!_I sighed heavily and my exhausted mind started down a slightly different path.

I suppose I should just stay away from the cabin trick but there are times when being able to shut down the freaky flickering routinesure would be nice. Like when that teacher in my Health & Guidance class made me stand up and introduce myself to everyone. Doing it with the tablet was bad enough but flashing like a defective florescent light bulb really added that 'kill me now' touch! If Ms. Thurlington could just get it to work right it would be so useful. That's a big 'if' though! I guess I'll test her latest efforts when I'm alone so if I go bonkers and start humping the furniture at least I won't have an audience.

I pushed open the main door of my dorm building and started up the stairs. That reminds me, Nick... ugh, I sure blew it last night! I was nibbling and licking his ear, right there with the girls in the room! At the time it seemed so harmless but now that I can think straight... f#ck, I'm such a jerk! And the picture! I wonder if anyone got a good look at it?

I arrived at my room and quietly opened the door. Jim was sitting at his desk studying but he looked up when I came in. "Hey Roger."

I kicked off my shoes and tapped them neatly into a row near the doorway. "Hey Jim, check it out. I can talk."

He nodded and replied "That's cool, must be a relief. Sounds pretty rough around edges, you sure it's ok?"

"Yeah" I said as I dropped my backpack on my desk. "It sounds worse than it feels. The doctor says I should keep speeches to a minimum but it's a start."

The glowing Fox turned his chair all the way around to face me. "Not to pry but what happened to you last night? We didn't want to call security and get you in trouble but as it got later and later we were getting pretty concerned."

I sat down heavily in my chair and rubbed at the fur on my face. "Crap, I'm sorry. I... it just never occurred to me. I had a lot on my mind and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep so I went for a walk."

Jim leaned forward and rested his elbows on the armrests of his chair as he commented. "Must have been a lot on your mind. I woke up once or twice and never saw a sign of you."

I made an effort to sit up straight. "I was gonna say something when I stopped in but I didn't want to interrupt your call. I'll make sure to leave a note next time. How ya holding up?"

"Oh, that..." he said as his mood darkened. "About the same. Hayley called, that's who I was talking with when you came by. She kept giving me the 'it's best for both of us' speech. Sayin' stuff like 'Now we can both move on and find someone closer to who we really are.' Translation, she wants an upgrade and I'd be happier dating a loser like myself."

I winced as I imagined how the call must have felt and, after a moment of silence, said "Ouch, that's harsh. You're pretty far from loser territory. If she really thinks that then f#ck her. Just because she believes something doesn't make it true."

The fox nodded and brightened, his ears rising slightly as he replied. "Heh, f#ck her... all that time and can you believe we never even... ya know... did _that._Not that I didn't try but we never got much beyond making out with our clothes on. I guess that was a sign and I just didn't want to see it."

I offered up a friendly smirk and leaned back to slide down in the chair. "Damn, all that time and you never...?"

The Fox tossed his tail back and forth as he shook his head. "Tsh, not for lack of effort! Every time we started getting hot and heavy she'd suddenly just shut down and get all pissy."

I sighed and lowered my ears sympathetically. "You must be either a saint or a eunich to take that kind of teasing and keep coming back for more. Sounds like she's got issues to me. I think you need to start focusing on a girl that's more worth your time. I know a Cindy who's into glowing fur... not sure exactly who she is though."

He tipped his head to the side questioningly. "Hmmm, don't think I'm familiar with anyone named Cindy. How do you know she's into glowing fur if you don't even know who she is?"

My mind temporarily unfocused while he was talking and I had to replay his last few words. I really gotta lie down soon! I brought my gaze back to the present and replied. "By the way she signed my card. Something like 'Love your glowing tail.' I figure if she's into an electric blue glow like mine then she'd probably lose control running her fingers through your neon orange fur."

He laughed subtly as I thought to add "Oh hey, that reminds me, I saw your name on the card too. That was really cool, thanks. My days of being tortured with Mink briefs have finally come to an end."

His tail wagged gently behind him. "Ah, it was nothing. When we realized you lost pretty much everything in the accident we wanted to help but weren't really sure how. I don't know where it all started but along came the card and a donation envelope and ah... yea. You're welcome."

I nodded and caught myself zoning out. Begrudgingly, I rose from the chair to keep from falling asleep. Jim must have picked up on my train of thought, or lack thereof, and asked "Have you talked with Nick? I mean recently? He was really worried about you last night. You might wanna check in with him before you climb into bed which you should probably do soon, you look like you're about to pass out. I mean, uh, not that you look bad, it's just that..."

I cut in to say "It's ok. I'm beat and I'm sure it shows. Do you know where he's at?" He nodded and said "In his room, I think." before looking out the window and scratching at the fur on his forearm. While still looking away he began to say "Hey, uh..." and then trailed off. "Er, nevermind."

Normally I would have pressed as there seemed to be something on his mind but I was simply too exhausted to put forth the extra effort. Instead I took a deep breath and slipped my tired paws back into my shoes as I responded. "Ok and uh, if there's something you wanna talk about... maybe we could do it later? I'm thinking I'll check in with Nick and then, fate willing, sleep till about 8:00 pm. After that I'll get up for at least a couple hours before going to bed for the night."

The Fox looked mildly relieved at the chance to put off whatever it was and concluded our conversation with "Yeah, ok. Maybe I'll be around when you're up." And with that I passed through the adjoining bathroom and knocked on Nick and David's door.

David responded "Is that you Jim?"

I started to reply with a raised voice to project through the closed door but was quickly reminded to keep it down. "No, it's Rog... (ahem) Roger."

The Bear replied with a tone of mild anxiety. "Ahh, just a second." I sat on the toilet's closed lid and leaned my shoulder against the wall where I found that I could hear through its thin structure as I waited. "...just put it on the bed and pull the blanket over it. Ok... it's kinda obvious though. Where else can we put it? I know, bury it under the dirty laundry." I closed my eyes and felt just enough time pass that I was mildly startled when I heard David's voice again. "Ok, you can come in." I gathered up my waning strength and stood to open the door.

Upon entering the room I found both of them at their desks trying to look casual. If their current performance was any indication, a career in acting would likely be a challenging endeavor. I pretended not to notice and half-leaned, half-sat on a rung of the ladder attached to Nick's bed. "Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say thanks. Ms. Thurlington presented everyone's card to me today along with the stuff from Penny-Mart."

They both smiled and Nick's tail wagged through the opening in the back of his chair as he said "I've been dying to tell you about it! Have you gone through it all yet?"

His excitement was infectious and my tail fanned gently behind me in response. "A little. Everything's still in her office. I was going to carry it up myself but she has this notion that I need to learn to ask for help so she wouldn't let me."

Nick got up from his chair and all but dragged me across the floor. "I'll help, come on. We'll bring it back to your room and you can model all the clothes and stuff."

Too tired to offer any resistance, especially to Nick, I allowed myself to be pulled out the door after an exasperated wave at David. Does he not know I was up all night?! No, I suppose he doesn't at that.If only I could zap myself, a little boost sure would help about now. Then again, why can't I? I remember Roger's file, my file, talking about external involvement but so what? Clearly Roger couldn't control it that well and it's obvious they don't have the full picture. Hmmm, that's something worth exploring, but not now. I'm too tired to focus without an adrenaline rush and I can't practice safely with people around. Ack! He's been talking and I totally spaced out!

"Uh, sorry I kinda zoned out for a sec. What was that?"

Rather than get angry he tipped his head and looked worried, coming to a stop at the bottom of the stairs in the dorm lobby. "Roger, what time did you get in last night?"

I glanced around the entryway to make sure our conversation was private and said "That stupid cabin trick went sideways on me and had my mind racing all over the place. I couldn't sit still for more than a minute so I kinda wandered the campus. I wasn't sure if there was a curfew so I stayed away from security cameras and lit pathways until it finally subsided around 5:30. By then I figured going to bed would just make everything worse what with having to get up for class at 7 and then I'd just be in the way of everyone's bathroom schedule and..."

P.O.V. - Nick

I knew there was something more to that energized feeling I sensed in him last night. Oh my god, not only was he up all night but he was walking around outside?! Why didn't he tell me?! Because I chased him away, that's why! I placed my hand on his arm and it's calming effect brought his rambling monologue to a halt. For a moment I sensed a wave of exhausted despair mixed paradoxically with love and then it snapped off as suddenly as it appeared when the exterior dorm door opened. A torrent of humiliation and anger washed over me and I turned to face its source standing in the entryway.

Ashley and Mr. Yorke advanced into the foyer and paused in front of us as I pulled my hand away from Roger. Mr. Yorke cleared his throat. "Ah, there you are Mr. Evans. We were just headed up to your room. Ms. Padmore has a letter for you."

The Jackal's emotions were overwhelming me and I faded back to soften their impact. Roger must have sensed my discomfort and took a step forward and to the side to place himself between us as he accepted the envelope from Ashley. She stared at the Wolf venomously and said in a strongly rehearsed voice "I'm sorry Roger."

Mr. Yorke broke the awkward silence that followed by saying "The act of public speaking seems to be a dying art in these days of emails, blogs and online forums. With that in mind I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that Ms. Padmore had chosen to deliver her apology directly instead of the originally planned email. Mr. Evans, would you please open the letter and hand it back to Ms. Padmore so that she may read it aloud?" Ashley's anger suddenly shifted to heart-pounding fear that assaulted my senses to the point that I retreated partway up the stairs. Roger's attention was on the letter and he didn't notice my silent withdrawal. Instead, he tore away the envelope, unfolded the enclosed page and glanced at the message. Moments later his ears shot back and the corners of his mouth twitched as his aura flared to life. Without a word he passed the letter not to Ashley but to Mr. Yorke.

The Tasmanian Devil appeared mildly confused until he read the letter himself. He took a deep, slow breath and turned to face Ashley. "Ms. Padmore, I can only assume you did not realize you would be reading this aloud or, at the very least, that Roger would not divulge it's true contents should he have read it after my departure. To say that I am disappointed does not begin to describe the extent of the situation." He returned his attention to us and said in his ever professional manner "Mr. Evans, please accept my apology. I trusted that the letter would be in good taste and, as such, did not check it beforehand. I see now my trust was misplaced." Ashley squirmed at his side with her gaze steadfastly fixed on the floor while he continued to speak. "This matter will be brought to the attention of the other members of the senior staff and once we have had a chance to discuss the issue we'll contact you. Good afternoon gentlemen." He turned and calmly held open the door for Ashley. The vitriol that animated her features upon arrival was nowhere to be seen in the departing Canine. Rather, she kept her head down and seemed lost in thought as she left in silence with her tail curled down behind her.

Roger stood facing the door even after it closed, his angry aura subsiding, before he turned and realized I was further away than he expected. We each moved towards the other and met at the bottom of the steps. With an exasperated sigh he said "I'm sorry, I forgot all about that. I wish Mr. Yorke would just drop it. If everyone who said something like that got sent to Mr. Burwell's office the line would go out the door and around the building."

He put his hand on my shoulder and tilted his head to the side. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I squeezed the hand on my shoulder and replied. "Ashley left my nerves kinda frayed. First she was really angry and then she was terrified. When people's emotions are that strong it's like being next to a concert loudspeaker but on an emotional level."

Roger's gaze unfocused while he commented. "Last night must have been really hard for you. I mean sitting next to me when I was nervous and then all..." He trailed off as we heard pawsteps on the stairs above and he gently pulled at my shoulder to guide me towards the exit.

"Come on, I know a place where we can have a bit more privacy." He held the door and I passed through.

After he fell in step beside me I said "Roger, everything isn't your responsibly. You're so hard on yourself. You don't have to apologize for Ashley, that's her doing. As for last night..." He stepped from the walkway and gestured for me to follow as he lead us between two buildings. We emerged behind them in the same spot where we had kissed the second time only now there was a wooden-slatted park bench with wrought iron armrests against the wall. The quickly fading light provided a dim view of the barren trees populating the rolling hills in front of us as we sat side by side.

Roger looked absolutely exhausted but he took a deep breath, forced himself to sit up straight and began to talk all before I could figure out how to say what was on my mind. "You're right, about Ashley I mean. But last night, that was... complicated. It all sounded so simple at first, even fun." He turned his attention from me to look out at the darkened hills. "Up until I got to this school I've had to hide not only being gay but being a deviant. It's made me more than a little paranoid. When I'm around 'normal' people I'm always worried they'll discover the real me so I instinctively do everything I can to avoid them. When I was anxious last night it's not that I was embarrassed to be seen with you, it's that I was worried about being seen at all, about being 'found out.' That's why I get up before dawn and why I walk the long way around between classes. It's to avoid everyone. I hate crowded hallways and packed classrooms because I know it's only a matter of time before someone notices, before they just can't help but whisper a comment or shout a slur. Not that I think Kriana or her friends would do that but the reflex is still there."

He looked back towards me with his muzzle down and ears splayed. "So I did the cabin trick because I thought it would take those worries away. Well it did alright, and took all my other worries away too. All of a sudden it seemed perfectly acceptable to lick your ear in public or to show you my... heh... less than modest picture." I could almost see the gleam in his tired eyes and the warmth in his closed mouth smile despite the near darkness that enshrouded us. "I wasn't actually going to show it to Josh by the way, I was just teasing. Even with the stupid mind trick affecting me I still had SOME sense and that's why I'm apologizing. I can't blame my behavior solely on Ms. Thurlington's rather inept handiwork. I'm really sorry I acted that way, I can only imagine how awkward it was for you after I left."

I leaned against his shoulder and placed my hand on top of his. "It wasn't that rough actually. Matt and Josh took off right after you did and, if anything, the girls felt kinda bad that you left. Except maybe Amanda... she sorta likes to be the center of attention and we were stealing her spotlight for a bit there." My tail wagged softly through the wooden slats in the bench and I felt it brush Roger's as his did the same.

He leaned back into my shoulder and commented "I guess we were at that. So, ah, do you think any of them saw my picture?"

My ears went down and my tail wagging tightened. "I'm sorry about that, I was so surprised I kinda overreacted. If I hadn't knocked it out of your hands no one would have seen it. As it was though... well... I think Thersea and maybe Josh got a look at it."

Roger face palmed and groaned. "Ugh, how am I ever going to look them in the eye again?!"

I tried to mollify his concern. "They never said anything. I only know because I sensed their reactions. Josh was shocked and Theresa... well uh... let's just say she's definitely not a lesbian." Roger dragged his hands slowly down his cheek ruffs and moaned. I winced at his misery and attempted to play it down. "She's super quiet, I doubt she'll tell anyone. And Josh... I'm not sure that he recognized it as you. I mean, I know you better AND I had a longer look and I still didn't know it was you at first. Not to go off topic but you must realize you have the absolute body of death!"

Roger rolled his eyes and his ears folded with embarrassment but he smiled as he spoke. "Ah, it's not your fault. I should never have taken that picture in the first place. Heh, I guess if they ever say anything I'll just offer them an autograph."

He turned his head and leaned in close enough that I could feel and smell his breath as it played warmly across the side of my muzzle. "Ya know, you can have at this 'body of death' any time you want." His fur rippled gently with blue-white light in the near dark as he brushed his tongue softly across my lips.

For once I didn't panic at our suddenly rising passion and I could tell I surprised him when I ran my fingers up his chest and rested my palm over his beating heart. I returned his kiss and pulled back to look up at him from my down-turned muzzle. "Believe me, I want to... but not here. We have some fun memories at this spot but it feels too exposed in the dark. I feel like something is out there watching us. Hey, where'd this bench come from anyway? It wasn't here last time and it seems out of place."

Roger's tail wagged as he responded. "I had to do something with all that energy last night. Remember how the flag pole had 4 benches around it? Well, uh... now it has 3."

I shoved him playfully but his solid frame barely moved. "You dragged it all the way from there?!"

He shook his head and replied. "No, that would've left some really obvious tracks in the dead grass and mud so I carried it a short ways and then started flipping it end over end. Between the oak slats and the wrought iron it's pretty heavy but it was a nice diversion and I like this spot. Now that you mention it though, it does kinda feel like 'the hills have eyes.'" He said the latter with a spooky voice and I chuckled before saying "I don't mean to be a killjoy but seriously, it's creeping me out. Besides that you're so tired you're actually teetering back and forth. Come on... you need to get to bed. I'll talk to David or Jim and we'll bring up your stuff." I hate disappointing him and there's so much more I want to talk about but he's exhausted! It'll just have to wait for now.

I stood and heaved at his wrist until he finally relented and got slowly to his paws. A mischievous wave played across my senses right as he pulled me into an embrace and locked his muzzle around mine. Shivers ran up my spine as his fingers stroked through the fur on my tail before he let go and stepped back to whisper "Now at least I'll have good dreams."

Elated and breathless I stood panting in front of my Wolf and I knew the wonderful feeling that went from my head to my toes had nothing to do with any of his deviances. We didn't talk again until we were back on the lighted pathway. Roger's voice must have reached it's limits because he kept to a low whisper. "I'm really sorry for leaving you hanging last night. I figured it would be best to stay away until that dumb mind trick wore off. I didn't mean to make you worry."

He was holding my hand as we wound our way back to the dorm and I gave it a squeeze as I replied "I think Ms. Thurlington kinda has a point, there are times when you should ask for help. If nothing else I would have wandered around with you... and I could've helped with the bench too." I tipped my muzzle and smiled while he let go of my hand and draped his arm over my shoulder to tug me into a sideways hug.

"I know you would have. I'm just not used to having someone in my life like that." He trailed off and I felt a staggering wave of anguish and loss that made me gasp. He startled and, in one impossible second, the emotions disappeared.

He turned to face me and exclaimed "I'm sorry! That just kinda comes outta nowhere sometimes."

I caught my breath and looked into his concerned eyes. "No one's emotions just snap on and off like that. I've noticed you doing it before and kinda wrote it off, but that time..."

We started up the exterior dorm staircase and he replied "Yeah, it's... complicated. You gonna be alright?"

"Roger," I said "this is the sort of thing I've been talking about. I'm ok, it's already passing. But what about you? You can't keep burying stuff like that, it's not... healthy. I don't even know how you do that."

He swallowed hard and looked away as I grabbed his hands. "You've gotta talk with someone about it, talk with ME about it."

His shining eyes reflected the entryway lights as he said "Even if you weren't an empath I couldn't dump all my baggage on you. Just... I'll be fine. I'm tired, after I've had some sleep I'll be better." He could tell I wasn't buying it and sighed wearily before drawing me close. "I can't, not right now. I want to share my life with you, the good and the bad, but this is... it's something that's going to take some patience."

I took a deep breath and his scent only further heightened my feelings as I said "I know it's not easy but things aren't so heavy when you have someone to help you carry them." Despite our exposure under the bright lights at the entrance he bumped his nose to mine and tagged the end of my muzzle with a kiss.

"I'll open up, I promise, but I need some time to sort it all out, ok?"

After a moment of hesitation, I relented. "Alright... come on. You get to bed and I'll take care of bringing your stuff up to your room." He nodded and we each grabbed the handle of the double door nearest us and walked in together.