Never Remember Me
An old piece of mine from earlier this year.
Strong stuff, don't read any further than the Ninth Stanza (not including italicized lines in between) if it feels too strong.
Play me a song and tell me a tale,
I know her voice and your writ will not fail,
Go, and let her sing of a broken heart,
And then tell me of a family split apart.
You know my story, and so does she,
Your eyes once gentle now only single,
Once read my words, sorrow you see.
Tears and ink upon paper now mingle.
Write back to me as I did to you,
I know your loss of muse is sorely untrue.
I once looked to you for guidance and spirit,
But now I only wonder if you still hear it.
/The cry of my misery.../
She sees it in the fair and finite font,
And weeps upon lost love I no longer want.
Her angel's voice hides the loneliness of a siren,
But my ignorance only puts her songs to discordia.
Just listen! Listen to me!
There is no love, there is no care!
I won't let you in, because I am behind a locked door without a key...
There will be nothing left when you beat it down, not even a single hair...
Why, you ask me? Don't do it, you tell me?
Give me a reason, to living and to leave be!
Give me a reason, not to burn this house down,
I wish you would, and change this frown.
/A frown that always hid under this childish grin.../
Why are you bashing on the door?
There is nothing left that you love from before!
Just turn and run, live and forget, and never hurt!
... Why do you care!?
They said... They said I had no feelings...
And they were... Right... They were right...
Scream... Weep... And cry in apology...
That was all I did... But there was no forgiveness...
Why would you love me? Why would they love me?
Why would anybody bother to care at all?
You told me I was good... They told me I was good...
But what does it mean, when I don't even know who I am anymore?
/Who's to say you are kidding yourself, and nothing about me is loveable.../
I hear the door splinter and see your left eye streaming with tears,
Misery and agony loves my company, because nobody else hears...
I now meet your eyes with my own, glittering with sadness as ever,
Don't you get it? I'm shutting it all out forever...
Blood and tears, melancholy is my blade,
Already drenched with red and having tasted flesh...
Don't look at me... At all these cuts I have made...
The crimson still runs over charcoal skin, glistening fresh...
I am on my knees and looking at Him from a pool of redemption,
You call out to me and tell me it isn't too late, to have conviction,
But even He is silent, and I close my eyes upon condemnation,
And finally, I whisper to you, she and especially to He, my life's capitulation.
/ "Forgive me..." a voice utters before a knife cuts through it./
Even though you finally break down the door and rush towards me,
Your words betray you and you find that for once in life, it was too late.
There is nothing left of happiness that was never really there,
But only this cistern of my sin and sorrow that I now rest within.
My eyes still stare up as you kneel down,
You cry out to me as your hands brush the rosy water,
But I don't speak no more, nothing leaves my lips,
As droplets of a blade's man's death run down my face with the tears.
/Goodbye... For good... You'll never see me again.../
I fall through the bloody mirror upon the floor,
And into the devil's hands far below,
I don't even deserve to become a memory,
And my last prayer was nothing more, but...
/Please... Never Remember Me.../
~ 27th June, 2014