FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

_Darkness, the smell of medicine and blood. The clicking of high-heeled shoes as she walks down the hall, alone, but not in distress. Her face, as calm and collected as always. She knows what is to come, but she isn't afraid.

I keep thinking... maybe it would be best if I did die. I would save her. I'm dizzy and weak. All that I can see is black, and all I can hear is the wind rushing through the window. I don't want everything to end here. I want us both to be able to leave this ward soon, both safe from harm, both of us lovely, strong young femmes with lives ahead.

Suddenly, touch. A soft paw, with a sharpness to them on their ends.

"Honey, it will be okay.".

Warm tears. A pain, deep within my heart.

"No... I don't want either of us to go away forever...".

Her paw brushes my cheek, the claws against my eyes softly. "Do you know what happens when we leave this world?" she asks.

"Everything ends," I respond, trying to hold my tears inside. "All the beautiful things... just go away.".

"Mmm," she spoke, her voice calming. It was the same voice I grew up with, but she sounded so much wiser. So much braver. So full of confidence and courage. "But when something goes away, something else comes.".

"Yeah... It is...".

"It's true," she assured. She let out a chuckle, and I could feel the back of her paw scratch my ear, "and we'll both be okay.".

The touch ended, and I heard high heeled boots click the tiles.

"I... can't stand the smell of this hospital anymore," I softly sobbed.

Her voice replied from outside my room.

"Then turn you head to the right.".

I felt something soft and mildly ticklish against my cheek as I tilted my head. Then, as I inhaled, the fragrance of lavender filled my lungs._

"Kata?".

Kata's feather pen flicked back and forth, continuing to write. She may have heard the lady's voice, but it went straight through her head when she was as lost in thought as she was.

"Felace? Kata Felace?".

She popped up, snapped out of a daze. Embarrassing to be caught like that! She smiled.

"Mm?".

"May I read what you've written here?".

She felt her cheeks grow warm, and a blush probably hid under her fluffy white fur.

"Y-yes, my lady.".

She blew the piece of paper. The ink was not completely dry yet, but it wouldn't drip at this point. She let her face glow with her always-happy face as she handed it to the teacher.

Blossoms outside were blowing. Tonight would be the fifth night of the East Moon, and the weather was typical for this season, but it was her favorite. It was the most colorful season in the moon cycle, and she liked the smell of the air. She wondered how many births there were today, and how many flowers had bloomed.

"This..." the older female spoke, "is very dark. Would you like to be a doctor someday?".

"I don't know.".

"The allusion to flowers is more like you. Would you like to be a florist someday?.".

Another rush to her cheek. "Um... I don't know.".

"Kata," she asked, eying the girl, "what did you write about?".

"Um... well..." she turned her head, not wanting the teacher to see her shaking, "you told us to write about our future, so... I meditated, and that's what I saw.".

"Would you like to see the nurse to talk about these feelings you have?".

"They aren't feelings. They're just..." she gulped, ".. what I see...".

The teacher was not connecting with her on her level. A little "beep" demonstrated that the teacher had picked up her mini-phone.

"The Felace girl would like to come see you."

A sigh.

"Which one this time?".

"The younger one.".

"Would make sense. The older one has been absent for a week. I'm free now. Send her down.".

Kata had no expression on her face. She simply pushed her chair out, stepped out of her seat, and then pushed her chair back in. As she strolled out, she felt a rush of sadness run through her as Meose made a remark.

"Kata's thinking about weeeeeird stuff again.".

Kata sat on the soft green couch when she went into the nurse's pseudo-office. She held her head down, gently smiling. Of course, this wasn't her real smile, but the one she always gave people to wash away any inconvenience she may be causing.

The door shut, and the woman spoke.

"Have you spoken to your brother about the thoughts you have?".

"No, Miss.".

"You should," she advised, a scratching as she took notes, "twins are said to connect in very unique ways.".

"Yeah...".

"Why haven't you?".

Because he laughs at me.

"I don't know... I guess...".

"How about your mother?".

She would ignore me.

"No," Kata responded as slowly as always. "I don't know why...".

"Your father?".

He's really busy with his company.

"Uh-uh.".

"You must talk to someone. These people all love you...".

Impossible... Vinia is the only person I love and trust with my heart completely.

"You have a large family. There are plenty of people to talk to," she continued, "do you know why you get these thoughts?".

"Uh-uh. But I see them in my dreams, Miss.".

"Do you ever think of suicide?".

Kata's voice was very quiet, very serious. "Never.".

"Then why do you think about death? Why are you obsessed with it? Why are you so afraid of people leaving you alone?".

There was no answer. Not for an entire minute.

"I don't know that, Miss.".

More silence, and scratchy note-taking.

"Did you take your herb today?".

"No. I don't have any left.".

"That's hard to comprehend. I gave you enough to last until the middle of South Moon.".

"I burned it.".

"What? Don't start fires... It's dangerous... And that was a very expensive herb.".

"I put it in a container. It was relaxing. I was crying. I felt better.".

The explosion that particular night had been intense. Her older brother had been laying on the couch, something playing on the TV screen, smooching with his girlfriend, when Mom had come in. She said she'd worried about him at dinner. He said he took Luciella out for dinner, like a date. Mom yelled at the girl with green face and chest fur, told her she was "a diseased whore". Luciella glared at her and left. Then, her claws spiked him. She never painted her claws, but they were there when she needed them. She'd told him to never be with more than one female, and said he'd disobeyed. Meose tapped around in his room, singing something about fools, fish, robots, and wrenches loudly over the yelling. Vinia and Kata were together in Kata's room, many candles lit and soft music playing with the herb's scent filling the room.

"Are there people you love?".

"...Yes. There is someone.".

"What is his name? Does he go to this school?".

"It's... a she.".

"That's fine. Does she go to this school?".

"Mm-hm.".

"Who is she?".

A bright smile.

"My sister.".

"Tell your sister about your thoughts.".

The Felace home was, as usual, silent. Such low volume would not normally be expected in an old home that had been designed to be inhabited by up to ten fexli, with six fexli currently referring to it as "home".

If she were to have a conversation with her sister, Kata thought that cookies and a sweet tea would surely help their atmosphere. There was never anything to worry about in terms of snacks, since Trishina spent hours daily making one dish after another when she was not on cleaning duties.

The treats lay on the kitchen table, covered in a pastel pink and white cloth, on top of a blue and white table cloth. The sunshine made them appear so inviting - a perfect picnic on an East Moon afternoon.

She did not remember much of what happened between the moment she'd picked up the tray and the moment she felt a sharp pain in her paw. There, on the tile, was broken glass. On top, in different scattered spots, was a dark reddish-purple sticky substance - blood.

Kata felt fear inside of her, the pain from the glass in her paw losing focus. Soon, very soon, there would be an explosion.

The elevator found its way to the fourth floor, and she heard rustling.

She knocked on yellow door, the one with a "Do Not Disturb" sign just above a block of painted white wood with "Vinia" painted in a very delicate blue cursive and pink and bright purple hearts surrounding the sister's name.

"Vinnie?".

More rustling. Another knock.

"Vinnie?".

"Just come in. It's alright.".

The room had junk scattered all over, and a single big bag was on her bed. Clothes were folded out. Items such as jewelery, stuffed animals, books, and washroom items had been removed from the shelves and placed on top of the clothes.

"Vinia, I... wanna talk... is that OK?" she asked humbly, hoping not to disrupt the working fexli.

"Mm-hm. Just sit down, sis. We can do that after I'm done, ‘kay?".

Kata placed the tray of cookies on the floor, and sat with her legs crossed. She watched her sister walk in every direction, placing things in the bag, analyzing thinks, thinking about something.

She smiled softly, with a slight curiosity.

"What are you doing, Vinnie?".

Vinia let out a breath, stressed, needed seconds to refresh. She knelt down to her sister's level and whispered, calmly, knowingly.

"I'm leaving.".