FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Whoo! Okay! Back with another story! So Listen, I honestly forgot I had an SF account. I'm more of a FF.Net kind of guy, ya know? Either or, if you didn't see this over there, then I'll happily bring it here. I did work hard on this story, after all. Why wouldn't I want others to read it? So, enjoy. Sorry for the wait. Also, I don't know how to feel about the paragraph spacing here. SF has a completely different layout than I'm used to. Sorry if it impacts the story quality. I'm too lazy to sift through all these paragraphs and shrink down the spaces between them.

Enjoy the read. Love you~

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Love. It's a word. But... it's a complicated word. I should say now that... I've always loved you.

Yet, you didn't know back then, did you? No, Sweetheart. You didn't know. You also didn't know how much it hurt for me when you'd come home crying those nights. The tears stained your cheeks a darker shade of brown. That shredded bit of soul behind your soft eyes that could never hurt... never glare. And I'd ask questions, wouldn't I? Oh, did I ever.

"Where have you been?"

"Are you okay?"

"Did you get hurt?"

"Do you need to lie down?"

"...It happened again, didn't it?"

And you'd nod at the last one. Always the last one. Only the last one.

By then, I'd be holding you close to my chest. You'd be breathing heavily, gasping, choking for air. We'd somehow end up on your bed of soft grass and leaves. I would rub my paw up and down your back soothingly as you'd spill your sweet salty tears on my fur.

I'd start whispering to you, then. Right into your ear, quietly, as to not disturb your broken heart and weakened spirit. Do you remember the things I'd say, Love? Can you recall those words that quieted the storm of sorrow and anger brewing within you?

"Hey... hey, it's all going to be okay."

"Listen to me! It's like I said, he wasn't worth the effort. He doesn't deserve someone as beautiful and special as yourself."

"It's okay. You have me, right? I'll always be here for you. Don't you worry, girl."

"I'll take care of you."

"I'll protect you."

What I never did say was, "I'll love you." Sometimes, I find myself thinking I should have. But things have happened, and it's too late for what could have been.

I'd sometimes go on like that for hours sometimes, you know? I enjoyed every second you had your muzzle pressed into my neck, your paws on my shoulders, your steady breath as the will to cry left you. I remember a phrase I'd always say those nights. The ones where my heart hurt almost, if not, even more so, than yours.

"Your perfect guy is out there, somewhere. Hang in there. You'll find him soon enough."

What I didn't tell you is that 'The perfect guy' was the very same one holding you right then and there. The only one who truly cared for you. The only one that truly loved every single fiber of your being.

I didn't tell you then, how I felt. Why, I sometimes wonder? Simply because, maybe, we were friends, and I had thought that, maybe, that's all I was to you. So I kept my mouth shut and my emotions in check. Mostly out of respect. But somewhat out of fear; afraid I'd ruin everything with you if you so much as caught a hint at the notion of my affection.

Or maybe I wasn't as perfect as I'd thought.

You always were quite the popular girl, you know? It seemed, almost every other week, you'd find another guy who said he loved you. Guys you thought were everything you needed and whom you loved back. Yet, dear flower, how many times have you come home crying? How many times have you hurt me by letting myself see you in such a state?

Too many times...

There was this Treecko. Remember him? That one who had three other relationships going on behind your back? You saw him kiss another girl, a Plusle, you said. You cried yourself to sleep that night, and I stayed by your side through it all.

Then there was that other boy. A Buizel. You two had something going for a few weeks, and I was scared I'd lose you. But, one day, as I was expecting, the wet fur on your cheeks as you came home told me more than I needed to know. Apparently, he didn't really love you. Big surprise, right!? But, no, it wasn't you, my love. He despised our species with a passion, and he only pretended to love you because a few of his friends pressured him into doing so.

What did you say, again? They had a bet going on? And he had won, didn't he? For having lasted in a relationship with you for so long?

Do you know how angry that made me? Do you know what I did that night? That very same day? I had said I was out collecting food, didn't I? And yes, a few Oran and Pecha berries lay on the cracked piece of tree bark I dragged home.

Yet, what I didn't tell you was this. I paid him a visit, this Buizel you once knew. Finding him was hard, but by no means impossible. And I promise you, my dear, I not only game him cause to hate our kind even more, but I'm also responsible for that small phobia he has of Normal-Types. Don't ask me how I brought something about, though. I couldn't see much past the red vision of my blind rage. Heh... a few days after, he flinched away from a Buneary hopping down the path. I bet you were wondering why I spontaneously burst into laughter that one time during breakfast.

Speaking of, did you enjoy those Pecha Berries? I know it was a meal shared long ago, and you'd hardly remember the first thing I said that morning, but I just feel the need to tell you that... I know they're your favorite. I'm not sure if you've ever noticed, but whenever you're feeling down or just really sad in particular- I tend to pick several extra helpings of Pecha just for you.

Again, if you've ever noticed, never touched those berries. Even though you'd become full and had anywhere between ten or twenty berries left over, and you insisted I take them. They were yours. Every single last one. And I didn't mind walking an extra mile or so to see that twelve, eight. Or sixteen Pechas were left untouched for the night.

You were worth the extra effort.

Sometimes I wonder if you've ever considered me. Have you ever had any attraction to that young Eevee who tried his best to ensure you were cared for and loved? Did you feel loved?

One thing I know for sure is that you felt comfortable around my presence. Comfortable enough to tell me all about those cute boys you've seen walking by. And as you listed them off ,I made a mental note of their species and name. Just in case I ever decided to check them out and see how the acted independently. Personalities change depending on who someone is with- you know? Sure, they may act all sweet and kind towards you, but I think there's always something behind that mask of lies.

I made it my job long ago to find those horrible guys and keep you away from them.

But you never listened to my warnings, did you? No, you didn't. And every one of those nights, when I held you close to my beating heart, I whispered, "I told you. You should have listened." And you would sniff, and gasp, and cough, crying and nodding into my chest, saying you knew and that you learned and that you would listen to me from now on.

But you didn't learn, did you? How many? How many warnings after that had I given only to be ignored by you? and how many times had you begged for my forgiveness? You're sorry? No, Love, I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm supposed to be looking after you, yet I can't prevent all these heartbreaks, can I? I can't stop you from feeling hurt or exposed. But... I can ensure that you don't feel as bad afterward. I'll always care for you...

That's the least I can say for myself. Did Max ever do something like that for you? I'm... sorry to bring him up, but it's something that's been bothering me for a long time now. Max. You called him Max- That Poochyena you brought home with you to meet me. You said a lot about him. That he was sweet, kind, and an overall nice and caring guy. With a bit of humor. He busted out a lame joke that had you in stitches. Something about a Weedle.

Funny... I had thought you found, as I'd put it, 'the perfect guy', and I was afraid I'd lose you for sure. For a second I had thought it was maybe for the better. At least you found a male who was more confident in himself than I. Confident enough to have apparently proclaimed his love for you as the moon was at it's peak and the waterfall nearby glimmered beautifully in the pale light, the Kricketune's medley caressing the air gently, letting all know of it's own beauty in contrast to that of the night.

Romantic. Something I could never possibly hope to be.

Then you said you had to go do something. I forget what, but it was important to you in some way. You left, telling us boys to chat and familiarize ourselves with each other while you were gone.

The moment you were out of our sights, your boyfriend turned and growled at me. I knew instantly that I didn't like him.

"W-woah, buddy. What's your problem?" I had asked.

His growl deepened before he responded, simply and bluntly, "You."

I didn't have time to react to the tackle until I was already on the floor with the wind knocked out of me. I struggled to get my paws underneath me before the Poochyena attacked once more with a bite. I jumped back before his jaws could clamp around my throat. He whipped his tail in my face; stinging my eyes and temporarily blinding me as I raised a paw to rub at them, lowering my defenses in the process.

He tackled me again, but I was determined not to let him have the advantage. Latching onto him, I used the momentum of the tackle to roll us over and pin the Poochyena underneath me.

I remember that moment because it was the one day I most regret. My claws were extended, threatening to pierce his throat as I applied just enough pressure to keep him immobile. Then you happened to walk in on the scene with a small gasp of shock and fright, the sound of something clattering to the floor just out of my field of vision.

The coy bastard smiled up at me, knowing you couldn't see the smug grin on his face, before turning to you and shouting "H-help! He just attacked me out of nowhere! Thank gods you came back when you did. I swear, he was just about to end me!"

The fake fear in his voice sickened me, and I would have killed him right then and there, too. But you were standing there, my dear, and I could never bring myself to do something like that in front of you.

I brought my head up, eyes betraying what I actually felt. "I..."

"Stop." You had voiced it so coldly... so heartlessly, and I had known then that whatever I said wouldn't matter because you wouldn't listen to anything that came from me.

Given the situation, I wouldn't blame you.

I got off Max. He stood up shakily, and I had wanted to hurt him so much right then for keeping up the act. He had won. Why rub it in and make it worse? Salt in the wound.

He arrived at your side and nuzzled into your cheek. You returned the display of affection. The love you had for him at that moment was undying. The way you looked at and comforted him had killed me on the inside.

Salt and tears.

"Come on," You had said to him. "I'll take you back to your place..."

He nodded weakly before turning to leave. You stared after him, frowning at his state before turning your gaze to me, standing there; my eyes pleading for you to try and understand.

You looked at me as if you didn't know who I was... as if I was suddenly the bad guy here. But you should have known I wasn't anything of the sort. I've only wanted what was best for you, and you should have known that. Oh... you should have known...

Still, though, something caused you to turn your head and start walking away. I should tell you now that the part which hurt most was the fact that you couldn't stand to look at me anymore.

You've hurt me too many times, Dear. But that time... that was one time you've broken me.

I looked over to where you had been standing to see an odd stone. It looked to be made of a grayish crystal, jagged in places with a dim sort of atmosphere. It was a moonstone. I assumed this is what made that clanking sound earlier. You went off to get that stone, didn't you? I took a wild guess and presumed you meant to give it to me. Maybe it was part of my delusional mind clinging to the hope that maybe you wished to give me something as thanks for... I don't know. Anything. Something...

I spent the rest of that day waiting for you to come back to me with tears in your eyes so that I could hold you close again, and you would apologize, but I would be the one truly sorry. Sorry for not being what you needed. Sorry that I could neither provide nor prevent something known as love for you.

You never did come home that morning or afternoon. Night had fallen, and there still was no sign of my beautiful angel. So I slept.

What else could I have done?

My dreams were... empty, to say the least. I was empty. Your absence troubled me even in sleep, and I found myself waking in the midst of darkness to roll over and look at the place that would occupy your sleeping form.

I had missed you then more than I ever had in my life. It was a feeling that ached in my chest and muddled my thoughts. A feeling of pure, utter loneliness. I could hardly breathe past the wight in my chest that burnt deeply into my heart and soul. My very being cried out for your presence, yet you were nowhere to be found. I didn't even realize until then how badly I needed you. I didn't care if you were mad at me. I didn't care if you no longer wanted to see me. As long as you were there by my side, I couldn't care less about anything else.

All I wanted was to see you again.

All I wanted was to hear you voice.

All I wanted was to hold you once more.

All I wanted was for the pain to stop.

All I ever wanted was you.

I slept, hugging the moonstone close to my chest. Still, I dreamt of nothing.

The next morning I saw you. It was a while after I had woken up that the sounds of your paw steps graced my ears. You stood there nervously, but I didn't bother to ask what was on your mind. You came back home, strangely enough, without tears still glistening in those beautiful eyes of yours. I couldn't get my mind off the fact that you returned.

"Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was?" A barrage of questions. "You're not hurt, are you?" One after the other. "Do you know what it's like to lay here in the dark waiting--"

"We need to talk."

The words you said carried hesitation, empty and filled with a sort of sadness. I got scared.

"What's wrong?"

The way you shuffled your paws and avoided looking in my general direction worried me. "I... I have to... to go."

"Go...?"

"Max. He... he doesn't want me to live with you anymore."

The mention of that dog made the fur on the back of my neck bristle. "What?"

"He thinks there might be something going on between us. I told him again and again that you're just a very close friend. He wasn't having any of it, though. So it's either... I leave you, or... he leaves me."

"And you'd rather go with some punk you just met than stay with someone you've known longer than you can remember?" I couldn't have helped the anger that crept into my voice. It just... really put me on edge how you were acting, and the influence he had on you was scary.

"He's no punk. I love him, and he loves me. I can't help if he's just a little over-protective..."

Oh, how my anger rose at that comment. "If he really did love you, he wouldn't be telling you to just ditch your life-long friend out of nowhere!" And there's that word again.

Friend.

You gave me an incredulous look, mouth formed into a little 'o' as if in disgust, eyes narrowed. "You just don't understand. What does it even matter to you, anyway? He makes me happy. You talk about my perfect guy being somewhere out there, and I think I've finally found him. I thought you, of all people, would be at least a little supportive of me. What's gotten into you?"

As if I could say. There was no easy way to phrase how much you meant to me. Friend. I was your best friend, not some star-crossed love interest you'd be pursuing anytime soon. Probably not at all.

"He attacked me first," I said out of nowhere, voicing my bottled up thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Your 'sweet, kind' boyfriend jumped at me and tried to rip my throat out."

I swear, the hatred in your eyes seemed it could burn a hole through my head. "You're lying..."

"He's no different from the others."

"I love him, and he loves me. He won't hurt me!"

"Which is what you said last time."

"But I trust him! This isn't going to end the way you think it will."

"Funny. You said that last time, too."

"I'm absolutely positive he's the one."

"You also said that last time, t--"

"Oh, will you shut up about that already!?"

There was a deep silence between us. It sat there for a while, the air seeming to fill with an overwhelming tension. I... I snapped.

"You know what? Fine! Go! Just... leave! You obviously don't need me in your life anymore! Just don't say I didn't warn you!"

Of course, my little outburst had caught you off guard. "M-Mar-" you had tried to call out to me, but I cut you off, abruptly, not wanting to hear anything you had to say.

"No!" I screamed, shouted. "If this is what you want, then fine! I'm not stopping you! Go live with him! Go be happy! Go forget about me, because Gods know I never cared for you at all! But don't you even dare come crawling back to me with tears in your eyes when you find out he's just like all the others!"

And I made sure to emphasize that last statement, didn't I? The rise in my voice. The fire in my gaze and the growl in the back of my throat. It was the first time I had ever yelled at you, and by the way you turned your head to look away, tears already brimming in your eyes, the sounds of your pawsteps as you ran- leaving behind the guy whose heart you unknowingly took with you, I could tell it hurt. I told myself then that if you ever were to come back, that I would never raise my voice with you again.

The day you'd gone, I'd been left lingering in a state of sorrow and... loss. Empty was a good enough word to describe my state, drifting listlessly through they day and night as if time were of no concern. I screamed at you. I shouted words of hate. Why? Why would I do that to someone I loved dearly? The words I'd shouted haunted me; the growls uttered in the back of my throat, the anger and hatred brimming behind my eyes as I glared at you, burning rage filling me-- driving me to scare you off.

I never wanted that to happen. I was just so afraid I'd lose you. Please, I hope you can forgive me.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

A lot of time had passed between then and now. I could tell by the changing of the seasons and the lonely, cold winter nights spent huddled alone in our... my den. Day and night, in and out, a senseless body not able to see through his own veil of depression.

Everything seemed to meld together. It all felt to be a routine. Constant, and without change... until one night. I sat by a lake, the moonlight reflecting beautifully off the water and bathing the area in a soft, pale, luminescent glow.

It was a long time since after you had left me, and I was off wondering what could have been- as usual. Between my paws lay the moonstone you had wanted to give me. Er... the moonstone I had thought you wanted to give me. At least... it always made me think of you. They say that Eevee evolve into either one of two types of 'Eon out of happiness. And it's true, really, but... you would hardly say I was smiling after my own evolution...

Anyway, I was... fantasizing, you could say. Thinking about me and you... together. The feel of your fur against mine. The smile on your face as I wrapped my tail around you. The way you'd lean into my form and nuzzle my chest with a cute giggle, words forming on your lips. Those three words on your breath, leaving me unable to breathe myself. The way my head would spin and I'd bite back tears, glad I could have you and that you could be there with me. How I would return your nuzzle, a dreamy sigh sliding past your lips. And I would tell you then how much you meant to me as well... how much I cared for and needed you, all summed up into three words.

Three stupidly simple words.

Back at the lake, my eyes snapped open, a light emanating from the very core of my being having jarred me out of that hazy, dream-like state.

A sort of warmth spread through me, leaving behind a sharp tingling sensation that caused me to grit my teeth. Before I knew it, my vision went completely white, that tingle transforming into a shock, a burst of energy- fangs in my maw growing bigger and sharper, ears extending out and growing longer, pelt smoothing down and becoming sleek and sharp, then my vision went black that instant- the strange feelings slowly starting to ebb away as the world around me gradually returned.

The light adjusted, and what was once a hazy blur became a tree, a rock, a bush... a moonstone that lay between two midnight-black paws.

I wasn't allowed space to get over my initial shock- holding up that strange paw to examine it against the moon, my gaze unwillingly moved from the dark appendage to the alluring orb hovering just right there in the sky.

It was... soothing to stare up at the moon. I soon found myself forgetting everything right then. Everything but myself, the presence of darkness around me, and the warm glow of moonlight as it washed over me and held me in its mind numbing spell.

It was difficult, I'll tell you, but I managed to tear my eyes away from the alluring sight of the moon and take a few steps closer to the edge of the lake, staring down into the water curiously.

I saw an Umbreon there. His deep, crimson red gaze held mine for a while longer before I brought myself to examine the rest of his features. Long, cylindrical ears, sturdy shoulders, a strong chest, rings that adorned several parts of his body, a smooth jaw-line, and a nose black as his fur- which looked just in place against the numbers of stars in the midnight sky, tiny pinpricks of light twinkling in his blood red irises.

The Umbreon stared back at me as a veil came over his eyes, the surface of the water rippling from where tears splashed against it. Even as I collapsed onto the ground, vision blurring, I could still see the sadness there reflected on his features. Tears. Tears of true sorrow and utter loneliness. I'd sobbed, each salty drop sending ripples out from where it landed, a shadow bearing over my emotions as I could do nothing but cry, eyes shut tight as my body shook with the effort.

It was the one and only time I had cried after you left me, which is strange, right? You'd think I'd be overjoyed at my new form, excited at the evolution into something better and stronger.

But I couldn't have felt more lonely at that moment. The only thing, the only person, that would make me happy enough to evolve had been lost to me forever. I looked at myself and I saw you. Thinking about you only made me realize how I'd never get to see you again... never get to hold you once more... never have the chance to love you.

Those thoughts hurt me. They destroy a piece of me on the inside and leave an everlasting injury.

I came to hate my image because of it. I despised my new body, because every single time I caught a sight of myself, a wave of sadness washed over me, and those thoughts of you never stopped flowing through my mind.

Yet, at times, I found myself at that very same lake, staring down into the water at my own reflection. It hurt to look at myself. I considered it a sort of punishment. I'd study those dim rings of mine that didn't seem to glow at all. (I wasn't sure if that was natural or not, but at the moment, I didn't care.) I'd observe the sway of my ebony fur against the wind and scrutinize my tail's length- the way it swished, and I'd stare intently into those eyes of mine.

Dark red. Deep. Empty.

Occasionally, a Magikarp would splash at the surface of the water, sending ripples dancing along in waves and distorting my image- an oblong shape of black and yellow and spots of red. I would often look at that very picture and think it a perfect representation of what was inside... nothing but a broken piece of the whole.

I used to hold onto a hope that one day you'd return. Those thoughts kind of died the night I evolved. You wouldn't come back to me. Especially not to somebody as pathetic and unworthy as I. You wouldn't come back.

Another long while. The browns, yellows, and reds of fall soon followed by more freezing cold and lonely nights. Numb. The only word to describe me through all those years, months, days, hours, agonizing seconds. And then there's spring. Of course, I don't want to go into detail on that, and I doubt you'd want to hear. Let's just say that I had only one female in mind throughout the course of the mating season.

After that passed, it was all routine again. A constant day in, day out struggle that was my life up until the moment a Leafon decided to pay me a visit.

It had been around early night. I lay on my side in the den, contemplating on going back to the lake for my usual dose of life, to stare at my broken image until I could take no more. I couldn't have brought myself to do it, though. Just looking at your old bed was enough to awaken the aching pit in my chest. Don't know why I kept your bed still intact. Maybe because... however much the memories hurt, the image of me holding you to my heart as you cried yourself to sleep soothed me in a way.

Soon enough- the sound of pawsteps greeted my ears. I was a bit taken aback, as I really didn't receive visitors at all. A lifetime it seemed I spent in silence, not even the sound of my own voice breaking the tension still thick in the air as that last day I had seen you.

I look over at the source of the sound and spot a Leafeon tentatively peek its head into the den before stepping into clear view. It peered into the darkness of my home before calling out in a feminine voice, "H-hello?"

I, curled into a little ball in my dank little corner, had to unfurl myself to greet the stranger. Imagine the look of surprise on her face when I stepped out of the shadows and into the faint moonlight streaming in from outside the cave.

I had not spoken once since the day you left me, Love. Honestly, not a single word. I mean, really, the only one around to ever have talked to was myself, and there wasn't a chance that would happen.

"Yes?" Weak. Scratchy. Hesitant. I had cleared my throat, wincing at the slight strain it brought to my vocal chords. Try again.

"Yes? What do you want?" It was then that I had first heard my voice since the evolution. It was... new. Deep. Strong and powerful, yet gentle and soft. I was neither of these things, I thought. Another aspect of myself to hate. Just go ahead and toss it on the pile. Weak and helpless, with a poor voice to boot. Why not?

The young Leafeon's eyes had suddenly got hazy. Her voice wavered when she next spoke. "I'm looking for someone by the name of... uh... M-Marcus?"

I blinked. She was a stranger in my home. A stranger in my life. I should have questioned as to how she knew my name, but it didn't bother me much. Company was a nice comfort I probably didn't even deserve to have. "Well, you've found him. It's nice to meet you, Miss...?"

Now... maybe it was the way she turned her head, or the way her paws nervously kneaded at the ground, but I had the urge to call out your name softly; the hesitation and question and disbelief clear in the voice that was my own, but was too proud, too strong, too caring and gentle to be mine.

The Leafeon... y-you... you looked back at me, then. Looked at me with a sort of pleading in your eyes. "M... Marcus..."

You were on the verge of tears. I could tell by the shaking of your legs. The Biting and quivering of your lip. The heaving of your chest and the wetness in your beautiful, deep, shimmering brown eyes.

You had so desperately needed a shoulder to cry on, and I couldn't possibly have turned you away. Not again. Not ever, ever again.

"Come here," I had said, motioning with my head for you to come forward. For you to come back into my life.

You collapsed into me, and I held you so close, ran my paws through your soft, downy fur, breathed in your scent as if it would be the last time and cherished every second again and again and again.

At some point, we ended up laying on my bed of crisp leaves and soft grass, because your old bed was too small- still fitted for that young Eevee who left me years ago. It didn't matter that you were crying. I wouldn't have even cared if you had returned with intentions to rip my throat out. I didn't even care that you had a different form. You were back in my arms; an embrace I hoped would last forever and a day, because even an eternity with you couldn't possibly be enough for me.

And you cried into my shoulder just like those days long ago, lost to us in another life far away from then. In almost no time at all, your sobs quieted down and your nose remained pressed against my shoulder, silent, occasionally trembling and threatening to break down again as I held you..

A whisper, at first. "I'm sorry," You had said, and then again, louder. "I'm sorry." Your grip on me tightened, and you squeezed for all anything mattered, shaking against me, nearly bursting into another fit of tears once more and apologizing for having come back and thanking me for accepting you, for welcoming you with open arms and apologizing and apologizing and apologizing. Over again, infinitely, it seemed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

You're sorry? No, Love. I'm the one who's truly sorry, filled with so much regret that I couldn't have been there for you when you most needed someone to rely on and to love and to be loved back. Where was I in your time of need? What was I doing while you cried your heart out? Your beautiful, loving, gentle heart? Simple. I was just... there. Afraid to open up because I didn't want to lose you. Funny how that turned out, huh?

You soon stopped apologizing. No more tears. Just exhaustion. Sleep, my love. I had told you to use my bed. Your old one wasn't big enough for yourself. I found it odd you hadn't questioned why I kept it. Maybe a part of you was happy to see that? I'd work on fitting it to your new size later. For now, you lay your pretty head on my bed.

"We can talk when you wake up."

...

"Yes, it's fine."

...

"Yes, I'm sure."

...

"I woke up not too long ago."

...

"No, you're not a bother."

...

"It's okay".

...

"It's okay, really."

...

"Just rest. You look like you need it..."

...

"I'll be fine. Don't you worry about me. Sleep. You're tired."

And so you slept. And I tried not to watch the gentle rise and fall of your chest, the soft, delicate features of your cheeks, the slight bristling of your creamy fur and the lazy swish of your leaf-like tail. I had thought back to that moment just then, when you were crying into my shoulder. Your weight atop me had felt so familiar, yet so foreign with your different shape. A different body... a Leafeon. And beautiful, too. Of course, you were always beautiful to me. I don't care that you changed physically. You'd always be the girl I loved and admired.

But it was you all the same, and in knowing that, I began to cry for what was the first time since that night by the lake so many moons ago. But these were tears of happiness... joy. The love of my life was back. She was home, and I couldn't have possibly felt more elated at that moment. I cried for what must have been a lifetime, as if trying to fill that void of my life, your absence, with the gratitude and happiness I had felt then; as if trying to wash away all the sorrow and loneliness that haunted my every waking step and sleeping breath, thinking I'd never get to see you again for as long as I'd lived. Thinking you were gone. That you had left me for good and would never come back, the last conversation of ours to be left off on a bitter tone, me shouting at you, filled with hate and anger, driving you away with tears filling your eyes. I can't even begin to explain how the thought tore me up on the inside, Love. I really can't.

That night, as you'd rested in my bed, and as I tried to keep my eyes from wandering back to your sleeping form, something stirred inside me. It was warm, and it brought a faint smile to my lips. It felt right, and for the first time since my evolution, the rings adorning my body flickered to life with a faint yellow, luminescent glow, lighting up the dim atmosphere of my... our home.

I was happy.

I was still awake when you'd opened your eyes the next morning. Sometime during the cover of dark, I had broke down and cried again. The tears on my cheeks had then begun to dry as you stirred from sleep: an angel rising from her slumber to bless the day with her presence and her beauty and her smile, the warmth of her being resonating from the very depths of her pure heart, opening her beautiful, shimmering brown eyes to the world and giving a little stretch and a yawn, calling out for me softly. To hear my name on your lips after so long... I could have sworn my heart nearly stopped. I felt more tears rise to my eyes and wiped them away before you could notice, stepping forward and giving a small smile. And you returned it with a smile of your own. And I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do more than to have just kissed you right then and there and confess my love to you because it hurt to just sit there and smile and pretend that everything was okay, and that I wasn't suffering on the inside knowing how close you were, yet how far.

No, Marcus. Bad thoughts. She mustn't know. Don't destroy the friendship you two share.

Anything but that.

"Morning"

"Mornin'"

"So... what have you been up to while you were away? Where's that Poochyena friend of yours?"

"... You might want to sit down."

And you told me your tale.

Max had lived with you for quite some time. A very long time, considering. And you had thought you finally found the one. All at the cost of your best friend, though. I winced at the word as it left your lips. Friend. Forever and always a friend. Of course. He was so kind and he treated you right. Like a princess, I'm told. Nothing could have possibly gone wrong. He tended to your every need, cracked the occasional joke that made you smile, and was always there for you when you needed it.

Then came the moment where he proposed you move out of this little forest we call home. Away from me. You didn't want to, of course. I was still very important to you. And he had said that he'd give you some time to think about it. That he understood, but it was either him or me. One or the other. And he had sounded so understanding and caring when he said it that you actually did consider leaving with him. Of course, you were in love. So you went with him somewhere far from here. You left behind the only other person in this life you'd ever truly known. It broke my heart to hear how easily you had abandoned me. I probably wasn't all that special to you as I had thought.

A new home. Somewhere that wasn't here. Just the two of you. And you lived in happiness for a while. Until he evolved. Of course, you were both excited because of it. And you spoke of how amazing you felt in his paws, held close to his beating heart and enveloped in his form that was bigger than yours and reassuringly safe and warm and... stop. Please, just stop. Don't shatter my heart anymore than it already is.

Then he pressed for your evolution as well. He wanted you to change. A Leafeon, he asked. Because they're pretty. This alone was enough to put me a little on edge, fur standing slightly, bristling in a mix of anger and hate. You are beautiful, Love. But not for how you look. I don't care for that. And he shouldn't have, either. Everything about you is so wonderfully amazing.

But no. You want to be a Leafeon to please him. Anything for your mate.

"He told me how pretty I looked and how much he loved me. It made my cheeks feel hot and I said that I loved him, too. More than anything in the world, I did..."

"Right..." Please. Stop.

"And... then Spring came around..."

I... don't want to talk about this again. It hurts too much. You already know, Love. You already know how he used you for his own purpose. He didn't care for your feelings on the matter. How he forced you into... into doing...

...

"I didn't know where else to go," You continued on with your story, tears brimming in your beautiful eyes. "I ran away, and I was so scared and alone, and..." You sobbed, choking on the tears you tried to bite back. "You told me not to come back." You said, tears flowing freely down your cheeks, and I winced at the memory on that day long ago, as I shouted at you in a blind of anger and hate. "But I did... I... I'm sorry, Marcus. You were right, okay!? He was just like the other boys... and you told me not to come crying, but... I didn't know who... who else I could turn to..."

I couldn't take it, your tears and grief were too much to bear at the time, Love. So I reached over and pulled you into a hug, and you only cried harder as I tried to console you, tried to ease your pain. "I didn't mean it," I'd said, whispered as I ran a paw up and down your back. "I was just angry that you could leave so easily. We knew each other for forever, and... to see that one guy could change what we had, it... it just upset me is all."

Again, this only seemed to make you cry harder, and you dug your claws almost painfully into my shoulders. I welcomed the slight pain, though, still trying to accept that you'd come back into my life and that your claws on my skin was reminder enough that this was not just a dream or fantasy.

An eternity later, you stopped crying, and I could feel you shaking a little in my embrace. Your next words, would possibly... be the most shocking I'd ever hear leave your mouth for however long I'd live.

"I... think I'm going to be pregnant..."

I stiffened, fur standing on edge as the words assaulted me. Of course, I should have more than expected this, thinking back to your story and remembering how you told me of what he'd done to you. I already knew, but still, I had to ask. "It's his, isn't it...?"

As you nodded into my chest, tightening your grip on me, images of Max's face appeared in my mind, what I remember of him on that night we'd met. And I returned the intensity of your grip... as if by holding you closer I could erase what he'd done. I swore then, that if I ever saw him again, I'd make him regret scarring you so painfully.

"I'll help you raise it..."

Almost as soon as the words left me, you were protesting. "N-No, Marcus, I c-can't ask you to do something like that..."

But you can't argue against something like this, Love. I cared too much to let you handle something like this alone. I would support you through these times, and I would be there for you when you needed me. Eventually, you gave in, and accepted my help.

In time, we had a little one running about our home. He's grown to be an energetic little scamp, hasn't he, Dear? Of course, he still is. I can't get over the energy and sweet innocence in his eyes every time he looks up at me and smiles, the white cream of his tail wagging happily. An Eevee.

You insisted on calling him Max, after his father. I'd detested the idea, but you were persistent, saying it'd be a reminder of your faults. Saying that it'd make you stronger to live knowing what would happen if you kept being so foolish. I didn't argue then, Love. You were right to.

There were times when it'd hurt to look at him. He's so young and carefree and innocent. I look at him and I see his father, and I see you, and it reminds me of how he hurt you. It was even more painful when he started calling me dad. I can't tell you how it broke my heart, Love. Back then, as he'd call me Daddy, Dad, Father... I'd find myself nearly crying. I only wish he were mine. I truly wished he could be my blood, and that I could call him my son, and that I could be filled with pride instead of sorrow and regret each and every time I see him running about so youthful and free.

At nights, he'd press to my side as he slept and smile. And as I'd look down at him, my heart would break, and I'd feel the surge of painful emotions rise in my empty chest, having to shut my eyes tight and bite down on my tongue to push back the torrent of shattered feelings.

The secret of his father would forever be a burden weighing down in my chest for as long as I'll live. I don't think I'll ever have the heart to tell him I'm not his real dad. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve that, after all. He's just a pup.

But why couldn't he be mine...?

He was still very young when I'd opened up my heart to you for the first time.

Max was playing just outside our home, digging holes here and about, claiming he'd found another great treasure, working himself up about the simplest of things in life. "Hey, Dad, look!" He'd shout every now and then, making my heart break as I'd give him a fake, happy smile when he held up various things he found lying about.

I heard you speak up as I watched him return to his job, tail wagging eagerly as he went about searching for more things to present to us. "Marcus?" You'd asked, clearly concerned by the tone in your voice. "What's wrong?"

I watched him play, ears falling flat against my head as another pang of sadness struck my heart. Before even thinking about it, I'd said, "Every time he calls me Dad... it just hurts..."

"Hurts?" You had asked, getting up from your bed and pacing over curiously, turning to give Max a real, genuine smile when he'd called you over to look at his newly found treasure.

"I'm not his real dad," I had told you. He was too far to hear our conversation, lost in his world of exciting treasures and amazing discoveries. Oh, what it was like to be so innocent and young.

"Well, of course you're not," You'd said, a line of worry creasing your brow. "Why? Is that a bad thing?"

"Sometimes... I wish I were," I had said, confiding in you for the first time in my life. "I wish he were my son. Mine, not his." Tears began to rise in my eyes as the regrets came flowing back. Why did a lot of things happen? Why couldn't a lot of things be?

"Marcus?" Your voice was a bit more worried now, and less curious. Or maybe it was a mix of both.

I turned to you then, and I'd confessed my feelings. I felt so vulnerable and exposed, and it may not have been the right time to tell you, but after so many years of pain, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I told you everything, about how I felt when I'd hold you close to me those nights you'd come home crying. About how it felt when you left me for him, and how lonely it was without you in my life. About the hurt I'd gone through hoping you'd come back to me, and the joy I'd experienced when you did come back home, back into my waiting arms.

I told you how it felt living like this, with a son that wasn't mine and a mate that wasn't really mine either. Something I wish I had... something I couldn't have... how I really felt. Everything, absolutely everything.

"I love you... I always loved you..."

I didn't expect you to burst into laughter. I nearly died then, having you laugh as I'd released years of tension and heartache and exposed the deepest and most sensitive parts of myself to you. It devastated me.

"What?" I had nearly shouted, tears starting to fall down my cheeks, thinking you were laughing at my gullibility, at my weakness to hold a desire for someone for so long. But, of course, I was mistaken.

You recovered from your bout of laughter, looking at me with a cute giggle. "Marcus, I... hah... I thought you were gay!"

Eh... heh. Honestly, Love, there wasn't even time for me to be stunned. I remember the moment so clearly. Surprised isn't the best term to describe me then, but at the moment I can't quite think of a better word.

"I... me? Me, gay?" I'd gave you an incredulous look, as if I couldn't believe what you'd said. "Really?"

You'd only giggled at that. "Yeah.... really..."

I couldn't do anything but question what would have possibly made you think that. It was ridiculous, and the tears that had started to rise to my eyes were nearly forgotten. Honestly, me, gay? Was I really that vague with my feelings way back when?

"Well," You responded. "Back then, when I'd come home those times after a break up... you'd treat me so nice, and you'd say a lot of things to calm me down. I didn't think it was possible for any straight male to be so kind and understanding like you were, so... I kind of assumed." The smile you gave me was enough to dazzle the stars. "You were like an over-protective brother.... or the best friend I'd ever hoped to have."

"Brother...." My ears fell at that, splaying back against my head as my posture clearly lost its demeanor, the tears on my cheeks drying up. "Friend... right..."

Another giggle, and you'd moved to rub your nose against mine. The simple action alone was enough for my back to straighten as a shock ran through me, eyes widening slightly and bringing a hot blush to burn at my cheeks.

"But that was back then," You'd purred, pressing a paw to my chest and pushing me onto my back. I can't forget the thrill that raced through me as you'd stood over my body, gazing down into my crimson red eyes with pursed lips, expressing a side I'd never seen, nor could have ever hoped to see, of you. "But now... I'm starting to see you in a different light..."

The breath left me when your nose touched the crook of my neck, and your purrs were loud enough to sound in my ears. A tingling warmth shot through me, my blood having turned to liquid fire in my veins that sought to spread its glow along every inch of my pelt, and I trembled under the wave of pleasure, trying to grasp these new feelings.

A small voice interrupted the moment, my ears twitching at the sound and another blush burning at my cheeks. "Mom? Dad? What are you doing?"

I turned my head to the side and saw Max there, head tilted curiously as he observed us. Cleverly, you masked your intentions by making it look as if you'd pinned me down and were just declaring a victory. "We're playing a game, Dear." The nonchalant tone in your voice sent shivers down my spine. "The rules are a bit complex for you to understand."

He stepped forward, smiling eagerly at the prospect of a game. "I can try to learn!"

Even so, you shrugged away the possibility of ruining his innocence, still hiding your act under the guise of a friendly bout of wrestling or sparring. "Oh, no, don't worry about it Max." Even with the little one present, you still tended to show me signs of your affection, your paws kneading at the fur on my chest; claws pricking the skin and forcing me to shut an eye against the burning in my cheeks, not trusting myself to speak and letting you handle the situation.

"But..." A thoughtful tone entered your voice, enough to pique the young Eevee's curiosity. "I did hear something about a little spot of treasure hidden over in the banks by the willows hanging over the river. A friend of mine told me nobody's yet to discover it."

A burst of energy filled his eyes, and he beamed brightly, tail wagging happily as he turned and dashed out the den with a cry of "Yay, adventure!"

Having known Max since he could walk, I was all too familiar with these adventures of his. He'd sometimes be gone for hours on end, and I'd have to go out and search for him- only to find him drawing lines in the dirt and marking out possible scavenging spots, or sitting by an upturned stone and claiming it in the name of his people. He has such an active imagination.

And then it hit me. Hours on end. It'd be quite a long time before he got back. Even so, I'd probably have to go out and find him again. Maybe this time with a fresh coat of mud as he'd be digging around in the banks by the river. But, that's beside the point. The little one was gone, he'd be away for a while, and there was just you and me alone, your soft brown eyes brimming with affection.

I'd try to call out your name, but you hushed me, sinking down atop my body so that the curves of your form fit together against me. There was no feeling more breath taking than what I'd experienced when your chest pressed against mine, when your hips pushed into my lap, when you held my paws beside my head and leaned down to kiss me softly.

It was bliss. It was passion. It was... every good thought and emotion that I could possibly muster. I'd only ever dreamed of sharing such an embrace with you, Love. And even as I did, it was hard to process, and my mind was struggling to catch up to reality.

And then, you had shown me love like I never knew before.

I look away as I finish, rubbing the back of my head a little in embarrassment. "And... I'm sure the rest is pretty self-explanatory."

"Oh, Marcus.... I never knew..."

"I know." Giving a weak chuckle, I look back at her, the soft brown of her eyes watching me concernedly. "And not a day goes by when I wish things could have been different. But, in the end, I got the girl, didn't I?"

She smiles at me and I nearly stop breathing when her cheek presses against my shoulder. "Yes, you did. And she's all yours..."

I try to push aside the purr bubbling up in my chest, but fail miserably as I give in to the soft warmth that came with being completely in love. She was here. This girl who I'd fawned over my whole life was by my side, and I could happily call her my mate.

My crimson gaze moves to watch the kids playing outside in the dusky afternoon light.

Maya, my daughter. My sweet little girl. She runs about in the flowers of the field, screaming in delight as she and her brother played a game of tag. My mate offered me to name her, an apology of sorts for giving our son the name of her painful memory, her past. And I called her Maya. A name just as beautiful and sweet as her mother's.

I knew from the moment I saw her that I was going to spoil the heck out of her. And I did. I let her ride on my back when she wants, I take her out early mornings to watch the sunrise because she loves it, and I grant her more leniency than I do her brother when they get into trouble.

Father of the year, right here.

And then there's Max, who dodges his sister's swipes when he can, giving a laugh as he teases her, going fast enough to stay just outside of her reach in their little game. The boy whose imagination is endless, whose heart is pure, and whose nature is wild yet kind.

He fills me with so much joy. He's not mine, but I'm still his father through and through. He follows after me, does as I do, always tries to meet the expectations I haven't set for him, reaching higher and farther than I'd ever dream. I could never be more proud of him. I could never be more sorry that he isn't mine.

No... no. He is mine. He's my son, and I love him. I love him dearly, and when I can, I tell him. I tell him how amazing a child he is, and how happy I am to be his father... how happy it makes me to raise him and that I would give him the world if he wished it so.

He just rolls his eyes and smiles. "Sure, Dad," he says. "I love you, too, Dad." he says.

He is my son. I am his father. And I would go to the ends of the world to make him happy. To make them both happy. My children, my rays of sunshine. My two little angels.

Crap. Now I'm starting to sound old.

My mate moves to nuzzle my cheek, and I smile. If I'm going to be old, I might as well be happy.

Night comes fast, and I call out to the little ones to bring them inside. "Max, Maya, come on in. It's getting dark out!"

They stop their game and make a new one. First one to Dad wins. It's obvious that Max takes the lead, and he carries it for a while before slowing down purposely, letting his sister pass him. She speeds up, racing to my side and touching a paw to my flank, declaring herself winner. Max calls it unfair, claiming he got tired running around outside with her, and she used it to her advantage. But I know better. He knew how much the game meant to her, so he let her win.

I just get more and more proud of him every time.

Maya simply sticks her tongue out in response, saying that he'd probably have won if he weren't such a crybaby. Playful banter. Brother and Sister stuff. It warms my heart.

It's moments like these that make me realize how lucky I am to have children like them. They put the life back into my days, and they bring a smile onto my face with each word they say and each thing they do.

They're lively, they get into trouble, they fight, they play, and they always show me something new about life whenever I spend even an inkling of time with them. I couldn't have asked for better children.

Their mother hurries them off to bed, saying they should rest up for tomorrow. I admire her as she kisses each one on their forehead, and smile as Maya comes rushing over to me. Smiling, I lean down and she kisses my cheek, parting with a quick "Love you, Daddy," before hurrying back to her little bed and resting alongside her brother.

Daddy's little girl. I spoil her too much. Maybe I should just keep her at home when she wakes me up early tomorrow to go see the sunrise.

Nah. I don't have the heart to be that cruel. I know how much it means to her. Oh, next time she asks to ride my back, I'll say no. Yeah, that'll do. But... I don't want to come off as harsh. Besides, I've spoiled her to the point where she'll just complain to her mother and have her ask me nicely, and I just can't say no to my mate. Ah, forget it. The girl gets her back ride.

Night grows deeper, and the children are soon asleep. I sit outside, staring up at the moon as I sometimes do. I like to think back on my life and ponder the events that led up to now. It's a good way to pass time, at the very least.

I'm broken out of my thoughts as someone presses into my side. I look over and see her shape beneath the soft moonlight, the light cream color of her fur and the vibrant grassy tufts that fall over her body. She's soft, and it brings a light feeling to my heart.

"Come inside," She purrs, moving to curl her leaf-like tail about my own. "It's warm..."

A cool breeze blows by and I take note of it. Sure, it may be a little cold out tonight, but I doubt that matters much. Besides... "Oh, I'm sure it can be just as warm out here, if we work together." I press my body against hers, our flanks touching, and she shivers a little. Though, I doubt it's from the cold.

"Don't tease me," She laughs, pushing me away with a paw and sauntering back to the den.

I watch her go with a small smile. I'd endured so much hurt, and had gone through the most miserable days of my life to be with her. The least I can do is follow the almost seductive sway of her tail as she beckons me inside the darkness our home. I deserve it.

I give a lingering glance at the moon before turning to step inside, finding my way over to my bed only to see that my mate occupies the space, leaving enough room for me to rest beside her. I give in with a soft purr, settling down by her side and letting her press her cheek lovingly against mine.

"I love you, Marcus," She says, pressing against my side and giving my heartstrings a gentle tug with her brilliant smile.

I smile back, running my nose affectionately against hers as I settle in for the night, wondering what tomorrow would possibly bring for me and my family. Whatever the case, I was happy.

"I love you too, Nia...."