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Part 40 - True Colours

(Nathan)

Nathan settled his head upon the sofa cushion, pulling his blanket up over himself just like he had done countless times already that weekend. Television images flashed non-descript in the hazy periphery of his vision, eyes focused instead to the sun setting behind the grey spires comprising the neighbouring apartment blocks.

For most of the weekend, he'd languished here; worrying about the inevitable meeting that would be scheduled first thing Monday following his outburst last thing Friday. He hoped his superiors would be lenient, understanding, but suspected that if they weren't about to fire him, any alternative result wouldn't prove to be much better.

On top of this, it'd been three days since Nathan had revealed his idea of leaving for Bolstrovo, and three days since he'd heard from Alexei following his rejection of it. It had reached the point now where, at his lowest ebb, he wondered whether the dreadful silence would remain permanent.

"Everything's falling apart," Nathan whined to himself. "Fucking job's gone to hell... The job I was supposed to be leaving behind, not getting sacked from." He pulled the thick, white blanket tighter, closing his eyes to imagine the warmth embracing him to be that of his wolf. "Gods, Alex... I wish you were here..."

Time drifted on without respite, the sky's shade of blue deepening while Nathan remained curled up, alone with his thoughts. His cozy cover slowly sucked away his consciousness, threatening to send him to sleep amid dreams of Alexei delicately cuddling him into his chest.

A high-pitched, musical chiming started from the computer, jolting him awake with a gasp. In the time it took to rub his tired eyes and clear his groggy head, he realised the meaning behind the persistent ring. "A voice call? ...Alex!?"

Nathan leapt up from the couch, keeping himself wrapped in his blanket as he rushed past the coffee table to his desk in the corner. He slammed down into his computer chair and threw on his headset in one seamless motion, turning on the monitor to find the name he so desperately hoped for flashing across the screen.

"Alex!" Nathan cried, barely waiting until he'd clicked to accept the call. "How are you? Did you get my text message? I was hoping to speak with you this weekend but you weren't online..." He finally drifted off, no longer able to miss the sadness in Alexei's expression. "Alex... are you okay?"

"Hi, Nate."

Looking beyond his wolf, Nathan noticed the strange pictures decorating the equally unfamiliar beige wall behind him. "You're not at your grandfather's? Where are you?"

Alexei winced, posture drooping gently to reveal more of the foreign furnishings filling the room. "My grandfather... he threw me out."

"He what!?" Nathan's jaw dropped, instantly forgetting all about his wallowing self-pity. "When!?"

"Y-Yesterday."

"Why?" He sat forward intently, shaking his head in disbelief. "What happened?"

"It is... many reasons. To tell you would be a very long story. I am think--"

"I've got as long as it needs to be told... if you want to tell it of course." Nathan smiled back warmly, doing all that he could to offer some tiny shred of comfort. "I'm all ears."

It took him a few moments, but Alexei eventually submitted to the offer. He explained all about his final argument with Maxim, outlining every single word said in anger between them in painfully accurate detail. By the end of it, Nathan had been left stunned, struggling to understand just how his grandfather could be so callous and cold hearted towards his own blood. "So, he kicked you out, just like that? Packed a bag, dumped it by the door and told you to go? All because of... us!?"

"Yes... more or less."

"I just..." He clasped a paw to his hanging mouth. "I can't believe... I'm so sorry, hon. Are you okay!? Where are you staying?"

"I am okay. You need not panic." Alexei forced a smile, but couldn't keep the misery from his face. "After I left there, I called Yana. I explained to her what happened and she had a similar reaction to you."

"I think most reasonable people would!"

"The first thing she did to follow this was offer me a place to stay, here in her spare room... I am so lucky. She--"

"-Udachlivy!?-"a voice squeaked from offscreen, right before Yana's short, brown muzzle bounced into view. "You are not lucky. I have told you, you may stay here for as long as is needed."

"You... did," he replied, a little taken aback by the marten's excitable demeanour, "but I wish not to impose."

"You could not possibly! You have been through so very much with your shop, with your grandfather. I am happy to do this for you, and I am happy to have you here." She turned to the camera with a smile. "Hello, Nate! It is good to see you again."

"Hi..." Nathan too struggled with her surprising contrast with the mood of the conversation. "Yeah, likewise."

"It is funny; you look much bigger now, through the screen of my computer! Hard to believe you are same tiny husky who I met here in Kremensk."

"Well... thanks--?"

"If you are worrying for Alex, please do not. I am making sure to be taking very good care of your wolf."

Alexei coughed gently, turning away unseen to Yana with a look of sheer embarrassment. Nathan meanwhile couldn't stop from offering a wry smile in return. "I'm glad to hear that. Thank you so much for taking him in in his hour of need."

"It is nothing... not for a friend." She looked to Alexei, then back to the screen with a cheerful grin. "I will leave you to your chat. Take care, Nate!"

The upswing in their moods lasted all too briefly, Yana's departure leaving behind a vacancy for the couple's lingering despondency to fill. Nathan cleared his throat, bringing Alexei's focus back to the screen. "You're definitely okay?"

"I... will be. At least, I am better than I was yesterday."

"You poor thing. I just... your grandfather. He's a complete..." He resisted going off on a tirade, knowing that Alexei probably wouldn't want, or need, to hear it right now. Regardless, his disdain for Maxim brought with it a sneering scowl; a scowl that eased swiftly into a sorrowful frown at the sight of his despondent wolf. "I really wish I could be there for you."

"I wish for this, too." Alexei rubbed at his gloomy eyes, exhaling forcefully. "I am thinking I have nothing left here now."

Nathan couldn't bring himself to speak, not knowing where to even start in formulating a response.

"I called you... to say that I have missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, Alex." His reply came easily this time. He gripped the blanket enveloping him, once more dreaming of his partner's loving touch. "Not a moment's gone by that I haven't thought of you."

Alexei finally gave a genuine smile, though the heaviness of his breathing suggested that something else still lingered behind it. "I must say... that because I have missed you is not the only reason I wished to call."

Nathan's ears pricked. "Oh?"

"I wished to speak more of... what it is we spoke about a few days ago."

His heart skipped a beat, then another. He stayed perfectly silent, daring not to believe what he hoped Alexei's next words would be.

"You spoke of us going to Bolstrovo... together."

"I-I did," he replied, voice cracking with an underlying hint of excited anticipation over the topic at hand, but also with sadness for his wolf's desperate situation, "and I still think we could do it."

Another round of stillness followed, the dull whir of his computer the only sound filling Nathan's apartment. He looked to the screen hopefully, waiting for the reply to come. Alexei gave a gentle sniff, but remained quiet as he smiled weakly through his pain.

After all that had happened, his stubbornness and pushiness playing no small part in it, Nathan dreaded to voice his thoughts. Guilt crescendoed, reminding him that if not for that kiss upon Maxim's couch, if not for his role in having Alexei's home and livelihood burned to the ground, none of this would have happened. Still, he couldn't resist. He had to know for certain.

"So... does that mean... you're thinking about going through with it? You're thinking about... maybe wanting to move to Bolstrovo with me?" Nathan threw his paws up the moment he finished, hurriedly jumping on the defensive before Alexei had even drawn breath. "I don't mean to push you, Alex, not at all! It's a big step, I know that, and I'd never force you to make it unless you really wanted to." He swallowed hard, dipping his muzzle with a grimace. "When everything's said and done, as much as I want to be with you... It's far more important to me that I can be with you."

"Thank you, Nate." Alexei replied, voice quivering sharply to the extent that those words barely sounded. "This means so very much to me."

"It's nothing, Alex," Nathan answered gently, still hoping inwardly for the answer he so desperately craved. Those hopes were but a murmur however, rumbling amid the relentless wishing for the warmth in his wolf's expression to return. "Just like my parents... even your grandfather and the war; it's about time I started thinking about things from other peoples' perspectives."

"That is sweet of you." Alexei's sad ears perked just a shade, the corners of his eyes rising with the small spread of his smile. "As for your idea... Bolstrovo... Yes, I wish to do this. If it is possible."

"Really?" Nathan kept the explosion of joy rippling through him unheard and unseen. "You'd want to move there with me?"

"I would... I really would."

Happiness fractured his solemn frown, slowly revealing the shining grin hiding behind it. "I'm so glad to hear that, Alex. As long as you're sure."

"I am, Nate." His brightening mood reached through the screen, affecting Alexei's in much the same way. "If I am honest... There was small part of me that wished for this before, at the first moment you spoke of it."

"There was?"

He nodded stiffly, face twisting for just a moment. "I wished to leave this place; a place where people, even if just a small number, can be so very cruel to Polcians for no reason other than things they are not responsible for... but..."

Nathan couldn't stop from brightening further, even knowing the circumstances behind Alexei's change of heart. "But, there was your grandfather, too. I understand how difficult the idea must have been to leave him--"

"Yes, but there was not only this... There was also fear."

"Fear?" His thick blanket gradually unravelled; its closeness slipping from Nathan's mind as his wolf bared his soul. "What do you mean?"

"Fear of change. Fear of what is unknown. It is for this reason I was so... defensive before, when you first spoke of Bolstrovo. I didn't..." Alexei drifted off, visibly and audibly struggling with the lump forming in his throat. "You see, with my shop, I was happy. I knew of my place in life. For the first time since... I lost my parents, I felt as if all was truly secure. My fear was to make too big a change because I worried that if it went wrong, I could lose everything... Now, it seems I have anyway." His wanting amber eyes found the camera. "Except you... I do not wish to lose you, too."

"Oh, Alex." Nathan moved his muzzle closer, brushing a paw over the screen as if to stroke at Alexei's weary face. "You haven't lost everything."

"No?"

"No," he answered forcefully, staying strong in the face of his wolf's weakening. "You've got your friends for one. If you didn't, you'd probably still be struggling to find a place to stay, not safe and secure there with Yana. Then there's Erik... okay, there were problems... massive problems. Even so, he was there for you, us, when it really mattered, and I bet that despite all the problems he's got with his own family, he'd still be there for you now." Nathan paused for breath, recharging to conclude his heartfelt, rallying speech. "As for me? Gods above, Alex, you'd better believe that you'll never lose me, regardless of what happens from this point onwards. I. Love. You."

"Nate... I do not know what to say." In the end, those words would serve as the crutch Alexei needed. His despair faded, giving way for the happiness that had been haltingly growing to flourish into the warm, joyful grin that his husky had so desperately wanted for. "By the stars... I love you, too."

Nathan's smile stretched the breadth of his muzzle, beaming defiantly through the darkness slowly drawing over his otherwise lifeless apartment. Only then did he realise just how distant his worries over returning to work in the morning had become. It felt liberating, like a weight off his back, even if their plan remained nothing more than words at this moment. Regardless, Nathan revelled in it, chuckling for the first time in days. "Besides, if you really do want to go through with moving to Bolstrovo together... Well, you'll be able to keep me someplace safe should you ever be worried about me going missing!"

Alexei roared with laughter, his wonderful grin lighting up Nathan's heart. "Was this joke about our size, Nate?"

"Kinda," he smirked back, soon normalising it into a contented smile. "Yeah, it was." The warm, white blanket slid down to the floor, Nathan's focus remaining fixed upon his wolf's image. "So... I keep asking, because I can't seem to make myself believe it completely, but you're sure? You're sure you want us to live together?"

"Yes," Alexei boomed, gesturing with raised paws to drive the confirmation home. "I am sure! I am ready to leave Velika behind and ready to be with you."

"Don't think of it like that, Alex," Nathan retorted with a sigh, winning a curious frown. "You're not leaving anything behind. Instead, think of it as moving ahead, onto something else. It's not as if everything there in Velika ends when you leave, that you can never go back and visit friends, family. Just like me and Linvendia." He jabbed a finger to the screen, buoyed on by the overwhelming delight that had made his outlook on life so much more positive. "And yes, I do mean family, too! Your grandfather will come around. Maybe not tomorrow, next week, or next month, but he will... one day."

Alexei huffed gently, golden eyes shimmering in the light of Yana's home. Nathan couldn't tell if his swell of emotion came through hurt or happiness, so wasted little time in moving on to ask one final question. "Would you like to talk a little more about Bolstrovo, Alex? About that cottage in Padinica?"

"Very much." Alexei cleared the water from his eyes, grinning as wide as he had done the moment they first met at the harbour all those moons ago. "So very much, Nate."