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Part 38 - Release

(Nathan)

---

The black window that replaced Alexei's image sat imposingly in the centre of Nathan's screen, mirroring the emptiness left deep inside of him. He sat unmoving in his chair, reeling from the force of the rejection to his plan; a plan he'd dedicated his every waking moment to over the course of these last two weeks. Not a word passed his lips, not a thought crossed his mind. All that remained was this dark void, created the instant Alexei ended the call.

Nathan eventually found his feet, turning from his desk in the corner of his apartment's living area. Standing between himself and the old chocolate and cream-fabric couch, his coffee table served as a makeshift workspace. Not a patch of mahogany remained visible beneath the mass of forms, leaflets and printouts strewn across it. Nathan had scoured each and every one of them thoroughly, with each and every one of them offering a sign that his Bolstrovan plan could succeed in becoming reality.

He staggered shell-shocked through the shattered ruins of his dreams, the golden rays of evening sun doing nothing to warm his soul. The couch compressed as he dropped down upon it, but could do little to offer him comfort.

Curled up and staring at the ceiling, Nathan finally felt something within the numbness. An avalanche of sensation crashed down, forcing him to throw paws to his face with a whimpered, "No."

Time slowed to a crawl for Nathan, leaving him agonising over every lingering second. He'd spend the remainder of the evening wandering aimlessly around his apartment, trying desperately to ease the crushing pain of Alexei's rejection.

He commanded his television on, but soon lost interest in the unremarkable early evening programming. He tried to immerse himself in a computer game, but that too offered little relief. Finally, Nathan decided on preparing something for dinner, hopeful that something constructive might help to ease the suffering.

He looked into his refrigerator, searching out of habit for a healthier option. Reasonably stocked and containing a variety of ingredients, it should have proved easy for Nathan to make a choice on what to prepare himself. Even so, the unrelenting, unforgiving memory of Alexei's voice cutting down his plan so readily engulfed him, crippling his mind into inaction.

"What's the point!?" With a loud, frustrated growl, Nathan slammed the fridge closed and stormed his way back to the living area. "Phone," he commanded, dropping back down to his couch. "Call Pizza Palace. Voice only." The screen of his television indicated the connection attempt, leaving him a few seconds to wonder if so called 'comfort' food might indeed offer such a blessing.

Despairingly, it appeared not even a stomachful of pepperoni pizza could begin to dislodge Nathan's distress. With the time barely past nine in the evening, he found himself fidgeting restlessly, no longer able to cope with the suffocating loneliness of his empty apartment. "There's nothing else for it. Bed." Nathan heaved himself from the sofa, slumping off to leave the scattered paperwork and empty pizza box behind.

He brushed his teeth, striped off his clothes and collapsed into bed, eventually drifting off to sleep amid the dampness caused by his inescapable sorrow.

An early night gave way to an early rise; one that saw Nathan emerge from his bedroom a little after six in the morning. He shuffled slowly into dawn's pink-tinged, golden glow, fighting against a persistent sense of drained listlessness. Even with such a long night's sleep under his belt, Nathan felt as if he'd barely rested at all.

As hard as he tried not to, Nathan couldn't help but stop on his way to kitchen, glancing wantingly towards the living area and his crowded coffee table. The memories of hopefulness came flooding back from the paperwork scattered beneath the congealing pizza box. His gaze soon turned to his lifeless computer beyond that, helping him to remember the pain of rejection all over again.

"Stop it," Nathan gruffed, forcing himself to turn his back and pad over to the kitchen. "Guess I'll eat and head into work early... No reason to stick around here."

Work would serve only to offer a temporary respite; a terrible sense of deja vu striking Nathan two Fridays on from the morning he'd first formulated his Bolstrovan plan. A cheery buzz reverberated around the office while summer glistened in from the city outside. Just like before, none of this could help to lift him; Nathan's mood as bleak and subdued as ever.

All throughout the day he found concentration hard to come by. His thoughts drifted fluidly, focusing in on his uninspiring work, his lonely home and his distant wolf before circling back to start the cycle all over again. As a consequence, even though he'd arrived at his desk at around seven-thirty that morning, Nathan's inbox had barely emptied a good nine hours later.

"Hey, Nate," a voice whispered, freeing him from the chaotic tangle that his mind had become. He looked up to find Tasha standing beside his desk, holding a report in her paws. "This isn't for you," she added, gesturing to the thick folder, "but what with Richard being a little more moody than usual today, I figured I could pretend it is so I could come see you."

"Sounds good to me," Nathan smiled weakly, replying in a similarly muted fashion. "I'm inclined not to give a damn what he thinks, though."

Tasha opened the report and placed it on the husky's desk, going one step further in her act. "You didn't come for lunch today."

"Yeah... I wasn't feeling up to being social," he replied, feigning interest in Tasha's paperwork.

"Really? You've been so bright and bubbly these last couple of weeks. What's changed?"

Nathan took a breath and looked up to the lioness. "I told Alex about my plan, about moving to Bolstrovo together."

"Oh..." Tasha's sad smile creased her short muzzle. "I guess it didn't... I'm sorry, Nate."

"Not as sorry as me."

"What happened?"

He turned back to the report, as much to hide his emotions than partake in their act together. "He said no, basically. H-He told me that he didn't think he could leave his grandfather behind." Nathan sniffed, wiping at his eyes in anticipation of tears that, thankfully, had yet to form. "He couldn't leave his crazy, bigoted grandfather behind to be with me."

Tasha silently guided a finger across to a chart in her report. "Maybe he just needs time."

"I guess... he_did_ say that this no wouldn't last forever."

"Well then, that's good--"

"Or maybe he was just trying to keep me happy..."

"I think you need to talk to him."

"Done that already. This was the result."

"Then you need to talk some more." She snapped her folder closed and picked it back up. "Don't try and force him... but maybe ask a bit more about why he feels this way."

"I don't see what good that'll do," Nathan answered despondently. "He sounded pretty final about it."

"Sounded," Tasha retorted, tapping a finger to her temple. "If he's anything like you, I bet there's a lot more going on upstairs than he's letting on."

Nathan's gaze went distant, mulling that idea over in his head. 'Maybe she's right.'

"My point exactly," she replied with a grin, opening her mouth to continue right before a skittering, vibrating sound rumbled through the desk.

'Alex?' With a gasp, Nathan reached for and grabbed up his phone, wasting little time in checking its display. "Oh..."

"What's up?"

"I thought... it might have been Alex calling, but it's my parents."

"That'd be _far_tooperfect, Nate."

"I'd better get this... just in case it's important." He gave Tasha a quick wave, watching her return to the workstation two seats ahead of his.

With a quick glance around the busy office, Nathan checked for his boss' presence, knowing how much he disapproved of personal calls. Happy to find him absent, he tapped the answer button and gave a quiet, "Hello?"

"Hello, Nathan," his mother replied.

"Hey... Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine here... Truth be told, I was going to ask you the same thing."

In recent months, it would have been right around now that the bubbling of annoyance began in Nathan's centre; the worrisome nature of his parents smothering him in the form of yet another check up phone call. That sensation remained absent however, just like that first call he'd received from them upon his return from Velika. Even now, when he truly felt at his worst, to hear his mother's voice only made him smile. "I'm fine, Mum. Why'd you ask?"

"We've not been able to get in touch with you for the last week or so, through your home phone, or your mobile."

"Oh." Nathan gave a few taps of his keyboard; a half-hearted effort to both look and sound productive to his co-workers. "Yeah... I've been busy. I've had both the videophone and my mobile on silent. Sorry about that."

"That's a relief." His mother sighed audibly. "I know you hate when I worry, but--"

"No, that's fine. I think you've had good reason in this case." Nathan glanced outside, basking in the reassuring warmth of the lowering afternoon sun on his fur. "Not that I'm unhappy to hear from you, but it's ten-to-five. I'm still at the office."

"We know," Nathan's father interjected, shocking his son into a flinch. "We wanted to call you before I headed off for the evening shift at work."

"Dad. Hi... I didn't realise you were on his call, too."

"Yes, I am," he replied with a short bout of scoffed laughter. "Hi."

"So... what's so important that can't wait? I hope it's nothing bad."

"It's not," Nathan's mother stated. "We've had Luke and Paula home from University for the last couple of weeks. They've gone back to take their year end exams."

"It was nice to have them home again," his father added. "Believe it or not, but we miss you all when you're not here, we miss knowing about what's going on in your lives... _You_included."

"Dad, please." The first suggestion of displeasure entered Nathan's voice. "I've told you so many times that I didn't move here to get away--"

"Wait, Nathan. That's not what I meant." That proved enough to calm him back down. "It does however relate to what we want to tell you."

Nathan shifted awkwardly, slowly wheeling himself back and forth as he waited for quietly for his father to continue. He tried to second guess the topic at hand, but came up empty.

"Look, Nathan, I know we've not always seen eye to eye..."

"You could say that."

"That doesn't mean we don't care about you," his mother stated.

"I know... I know you care." He began to wonder just how important this phone call actually was, and whether it warranted him taking it in the middle of the office.

"Nathan," his father rumbled. "We'll always support you in everything you do... which is why we're calling."

"We've been thinking about Alexei."

"Alex, Mum?" Nathan muttered, completely lost now. "What about him?"

"When you told us... how you feel about him, after you got back home... it took a while for me and your father to try and process it."

"It's not everyday your son tells you he's in love with a Velikan."

His ears went warm; the words of his father starting him blushing. "N-No... I guess not."

"What me and your mother are trying to say is... while we don't completely understand it, and while it's still a huge shock... we're not against it."

"Really!?" Nathan bit his lip, noticing a few of his coworkers turning in response to the loud reply.

"Really." His father took a deep breath. "I can remember the conversation we had, while you were over in Velika with him. I remember how highly you spoke of him, and him of you."

"He sounded like a lovely boy," Nathan's mother remarked, winning a wry smile from him.

"We're trying to say... Yes, it's a big shock... but all we want is for you to be happy. That's all we've ever wanted."

He couldn't respond to his father with words, able only to offer up a choked, guttural sound of emotion.

"We've been worried about you since you moved to Arlone," his mother explained. "You've sounded so unhappy, and been so quick to anger in the last year or so. That job, it's not good for you."

"Y-You're right. I have... and it's not."

"When you were with, or when you spoke of Alexei, you sounded so much happier. In turn, this made me and your father happy."

"If you can trust this Vel..." Nathan's father hesitated. "If you can trust Alex enough to have these feelings for him... I guess we can trust him to never hurt you."

"He wouldn't raise a finger to hurt me, Dad. Never in a million years." He turned to his thoughts upon saying that, realising just how much Alexei's rejection of his plan had hurt. Of course, that's not what his father meant, but emotional pain can sometimes be just as agonising as physical. "If you ever get the chance to meet him, you'll see that. I promise."

It was all Nathan could do not to tear up there and then, burst into tears and have the entire office glare at him. His mother's next words would be the ones to really put his resolve to the test.

"If it means being with Alex somehow, moving to live with him, we'd support you. We love you, and we only want what's best for you, just as we do for your brother and sister."

"Thank you, Mum. Dad." Nathan couldn't keep the delight from his voice, so kept his reply as concise as he could. "Listen... I need to go, before I get into trouble here. I'll call you sometime soon, okay? We'll speak some more about this... catch up as well."

"That sounds good, love," his mother replied joyfully, her wide smile audible over the line.

"You'll have to come back to visit us soon," Nathan's father added.

"I will. I'll come back for the weekend somewhen soon. Promise." He'd said these words several times in recent months, but for the first time in a long while, Nathan did so earnestly. "Take care, I'll speak to you again soon."

He ended the call with a tearful gasp, turning to face outside in an effort to hide his reddening eyes. Ambivalence rose within Nathan like the neighbouring skyscrapers, leaving him struggling to know how he should react to that call. On the one hand, to have the support of his parents came with an incredible, liberating sense of relief. On the other, the mere mention of moving away to be with Alexei served only to remind him of the heartache that came the night before.

With a gentle wipe of his face, Nathan turned back to his workstation. Only then did he see his boss, lurking menacingly beside it.

"Personal call?" Richard snapped, hesitating just for a second as he looked into the husky's puffy eyes. "You know how I feel about them. Next time, take it outside... or wait until your break, clear?"

Compared to some of the roastings the fox had given him lately, this incident honestly paled into insignificance. On this occasion though, it came with a difference. Nathan had been sat here, clearly struggling emotionally, but still his boss couldn't see fit to show even the slightest hint of understanding or leniency. It'd have been easy to let it slide, to let Richard pace back to his desk at the back of the room. By this point however, Nathan had no interest in easy. He had no interest in letting the fox get away with speaking to him like that. He held far too much personal anguish and sorrow to keep his feeling bottled up, even if the knowledge of his whereabouts begged him to.

Nathan practically jumped to his feet, muzzle creased into a snarl and with clenched, iron-like fists. Every single dressing down, every single snide comment his boss had made cried out from the depths of Nathan's memory. He glared at Richard's back with piercing, vengeful eyes, stepping out into the aisle before crying out after him. "Why are you giving me such a hard time!?"

The fox stopped in his tracks, just short of his corner-office workstation. He barely had a chance to turn around before being subjected to another verbal onslaught.

"All because I went to Velika?"

"What--?"

"So what if I did!?" Nathan roared, loud enough for the entire office to stop their work and fall silent. "That gives you the right to pick on me, to treat me like something you found on the bottom of your shoe!?"

"Don't speak to me like that!" Richard snarled back, his greying muzzle creasing with his own anger. "I--"

"Doesn't feel good, does it!?" Any control Nathan had over himself had all but evaporated. He saw red, but not only from the way Richard had treated him in recent weeks. He recalled Maxim's sizeism, his abduction by Yuri and the burning of Alexei's shop. He remembered the fact that Marat and Bogdan still went unpunished for the part they'd played in it all. Finally, Nathan thought about Alexei's rejection of his plan, and the debilitating uncertainty surrounding their future together.

"Who the hell do you think you are--?"

"No, who do you think you are!?" He screamed those words, lungs burning, heart racing and paws shaking."

"I'm your boss, Nathan--!"

"And!?" Emotion grabbed hold of him, refused to let go.

"You'll treat me with the respect I deserve!"

"Respect!?" This, was his release. "The way you've been treating me, why in the hell should I show you any kinda respect!?"

Richard stepped back, eyes widening. "You're on probation--"

"I give a damn!?" Nathan grinned viciously, jabbing a finger towards the middle-aged fox. "The only reason that is, is because you and the rest of the management are a bunch of fucking sizeists!"

"If you want to appeal, there are appropriate channels--"

"Are you serious? Appeal to these same sizeists!? Spare me!"

"You think this is going to help? Are you trying to lose your job!?"

"I've lost everything else!" His voice cracked and crumbled, his primal bellowing reduced to a meek squeal. He paused briefly, shocked silent by his own words. "What's this damn job matter when everything else has fallen to pieces? Tell me that!"

Richard simply stood there, eyes darting around the rest of the stunned office. "Nathan..."

Nathan joined him in scanning the room, every single one of his coworkers frozen where they'd sat or stood the moment he'd begun shouting. "F-Forget it. I don't really care any more." He spun on his feet quickly, almost stumbling into a colleague's desk as he rushed back to his own, embarrassed as much as angry.

"Nathan... wait."

He ignored Richard's shock-riddled request, closing down his workstation and collecting his phone. "It's almost five, and I've been here since half-seven; I'm going home." He strafed back into the aisle and marched off towards the front of the office, Tasha's own look of amazement catching his eye from her station two rows ahead. "Catch you later, Tash."

Not a single word filled the air while Nathan crossed the room, leaving staggered colleagues in his wake before bursting through the office's double doors. The landing of the building's twenty-fourth floor stood empty, leaving no one to pass comment as he waited the few seconds for the elevator to arrive. The doors parted with an inviting ping, prompting Nathan to rush inside, hit the button for the lobby and slump back against the car's metallic wall.

As the floor numbers slowly counted down, he didn't know and, in this surreal moment, frankly didn't care if he had a job to come back to on Monday. All he could think about was the same thing he'd been focused on since the night before. The same thing that refused to gift him even a single moment's peace. "Why, Alex?"