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Part 37 - Currents

(Alexei)

Tiredness, mental as much as physical, took ahold of Alexei long before those final few paces towards home. He followed his grandfather up the front path, the surrounding plants and shrubbery far neater since being treated to a long overdue trim.

It had taken less than an hour to return from their latest meeting with the shop's insurers, enough time for its memory to fade amid a thick, swirling fog of apathy.

Moving out of the late afternoon's sun and onto the old, creaky porch, all Alexei could think about was getting inside to shut the world and its problems away. Even so, entering the house did little to quash his mood, his scruffy fur and slouched posture exposing his mindset for all to see.

"Why is it that I feel I am the only one who cares?" Maxim stormed, stopping beside the base of the staircase a few steps along the hallway.

Alexei closed the door behind him, his problems appearing to have followed him in after all. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I am an old man now." The elder gestured to his grandson with a grumble, shaking his head. "It is you who should be taking responsibility for getting the shop back up and running."

"Did I not just spend almost two hours in that meeting with you!? Not to mention the one with the bank yesterday."

"Yes, you were sat there," he snapped, removing his khaki trench coat to reveal a smart, pale blue shirt and navy tie, "but I can count on one paw the number of times you spoke to the insurer today."

"We have had enough meetings before today for me to say all that needs to be said. We have seen people from the bank and the insurers so much that we are practically on first name terms with some of them." Alexei slumped back against the front door, watching his grandfather twist to hang his coat upon a hook fastened to the teal-painted wall. "I do not understand why this has all been stretched into so many appointments."

"If you were listening, you would have understood this."

"Well, I am sorry..." He wanted to snap, to unveil the fact that he'd long since lost interest in trying to make a fresh start with the store. Glaring back with narrowed eyes, Maxim seemed to be anticipating an explosive response. Fortunately, Alexei kept from meeting those expectations. "At least... now it is finished with."

The stare fixed upon him eased, as did the intensity of his elder's voice. "This much is true."

"Besides, it all went fine, did it not?" He stood upright again, unzipping his black fleece jacket to expose the white and blue hooped t-shirt beneath it. "You have our two cheques, which means we all but have the money. With the shop gone... surely, this is the most we could hope for in all of this?"

Maxim groaned, his focus moving downwards. "You barely spoke a word... but could you at least have chosen to wear something better? More presentable?"

"What?" Alexei spread his arms, peering to his own midriff in indignation. "It is not as if I have many clothes after the fire, is it?"

"Did I not say you could wear something of mine--"

"What does it even matter!?" He marched towards the staircase with thoughts only upon getting up to the solitude of his bedroom. "It makes no difference."

"It should matter to you! It makes a difference how others see you, what they think of you--"

"Save it, please," Alexei muttered back, brushing past his elder before starting up the creaky staircase. "I wish for some time alone."

"You cannot spend the rest of your life doing this, hiding away from the world!" Steps grew into stomps, the younger wolf continuing upstairs without once looking back. "Alexei... please." Only when the anger in his grandfather's voice eased to reveal pain did he hesitate. "You have been this way for weeks... Why do you not share your feelings?"

"Grandpa..." He flicked his gaze back for just a split second. "I am just tired."

It took all the grit Alexei could gather to resist stopping at the top of the stairway, knowing that the mere mention of the reason behind his depressive mood would lead only to another argument. Starting across the landing, passing his grandfather's bedroom on the walk to his own at the end of the wood panelled corridor, Alexei's thoughts quickly turned to what he truly cared about. 'I hope I can speak with Nate today.'

Owing to a busy schedule of shop-related meetings, along with obligations to help around the house, it'd been two weeks since he'd been able to talk with Nathan at any great length. This hadn't been helped by Nathan himself frequently becoming tied up after his workday. He'd failed to divulge much detail as to what had stolen his time, other than to say he needed to 'plan for the future'.

Despite this apparent importance behind Nathan's absence, Alexei felt it a pity they'd not been able to speak more regularly, considering how cheerful he'd sounded compared to when they'd watched those Polcian news reports together just weeks ago.

Still, while he hadn't been privy to the reasons for the improvement in his husky's mood, Alexei felt a small glow of happiness just to know that he'd undergone one. Even so, this couldn't counteract the overwhelming pain caused by the distance between them. Every single day that had passed since Nathan's departure six weeks ago stang mercilessly, wrenching Alexei's heart whenever he focused upon the barriers, physical and theoretical, building between them. At his weaker moments, the faintest whispers from the deepest, darkest corner of his conscience could be heard repeating its same, unpleasant message.

'All this pain, all this suffering... Is it worth it?'

A fierce growl rattled through the small, wooden passageway. 'Do not be so stupid!' Alexei reached his bedroom door, twisting its handle hard enough for the locking mechanism to sound a heavy, submissive clunk. His muzzle developed a dreadful snarl, as if the mutinous voice in his head belonged to someone standing in the now open doorway. 'I love Nate! Nothing will change that.' He marched inside his tight, green walled bedroom before slamming the door closed behind him. 'Ever!'

Alexei shrugged off his fleece jacket, tossing it viciously across the room to land in a heap atop his bed. He marched forward, still grumbling to himself as he snatched his phone from his pocket. The springs of the old bed squeaked and shifted to cushion the wolf throwing himself atop them, right before he powered up his device for the first time since that afternoon's meeting.

The bed adjusted further, Alexei lying back in an attempt to empty his mind. He stared up to the swirl-patterned, plastered ceiling, tracing its confused, mazing lines as if it posed a riddle to be solved. Alexei conceded within a few short seconds, rolling over to throw his face into the bed linen.

"Huh?" A bright, melodic tune caused his ears to flick, an indication from his phone of a message waiting. "Nate?"

He picked himself back up, moving to sit upon the edge of the bed and grab his device in one swift movement. With two quick finger taps, the screen confirmed Alexei's hopes.

'Hey Alex. I know we both been busy, but please come online tonight if possible. Need to talk - Nate.'

He grinned wide, delighted to have heard something, even if just a brief text message, from his husky for the first time in several days. At the same time, something about its tone unsettled him. The calm mind Alexei had created for himself became very busy, very quickly.

'That sounded... off.'

'It is a text. It is hard to say things how you want to in such a message.'

His happy expression soured, thoughts zeroing in on perhaps his greatest fear. "Maybe... he has similar feelings to me... Maybe it is he who wishes not to have this relationship any longer."

With ears flat to his scalp, Alexei jumped up and rushed the three steps to his computer in the corner of the room. It wasn't until he'd flopped down upon his chair and turned on the machine that Alexei realised, "It is five in the afternoon... still only lunchtime for Nate in Polcia."

The hours to come dragged on to feel more like days, a basic dinner of meat and vegetables the only respite in a marathon of waiting for Nathan's workday to end. A soft, electric glow replaced the bright sunshine in lighting the room by the time his husky appeared, a short, blissful chime confirming his presence online a little after ten in the evening.

Alexei wasted little time in firing up a video chat session, straightening out the scruffed, messy fur of his face and head in the time it took for Nathan to appear onscreen. "Hey, Nate! It is good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," his husky replied with a smile as warm as the Polcian sun still shining into his apartment. That happy expression served to lift Alexei's spirits as much as the words spoken.

Only the briefest of pauses followed, but it still gave enough time to start the wolf fretting. Those fears for the state of their relationship, logical or not, never strayed too far from his thoughts. "I-I got your message! You... wished to speak of something important?" Alexei gave it all in trying to mask his concern, though he could sense his tail tucking and ears dipping, the latter of which he knew would surely be picked up on.

"I do indeed!" Nathan beamed with infectious cheer, much to Alexei's surprise. Surely, he'd not sound anything so happy if he had the intention of ending their relationship, would he? "I wanted to tell you about something I've been thinking about for these last couple of weeks."

"Okay... great." Nathan's choice of words still sounded ominous, even if his tone did anything but. Alexei offered nothing more in response, staring at the screen while tension and fear ravaged away at his insides.

"I've been thinking about how things are at the moment." Nathan fell silent also, a visibly deep sigh doing nothing to allay those feelings. "It's clear that we're not happy with things the way they are at the moment."

"N-No." His aching heart began to break. "I-I guess we are not."

"So... I've been busy looking into how we could possibly be together... in the future."

Alexei's ears shot bolt upright. "That is great!" The anxiety weighing upon him passed his painfully wide smile via a massive sigh of his own. "That is really great, Nate."

Nathan chuckled back, his brown-bordered, white face lighting up. "What did you think I was gonna say?"

"Oh... N-Nothing," he responded sheepishly, sitting back as his entire body loosened. "It is nothing."

"Really? You certainly looked a little worried about something--"

"Tell me of your thoughts. I am interested to hear."

"Okay then--"

"Have you thought up a way in which we could one day live together in Velika?" In his newfound excitement, Alexei couldn't stop from continuing on. "This would be amazing if so!"

Nathan's jaw snapped shut, apparently reconsidering his words in the time it took to clear his throat. "Not exactly."

"Oh?"

"I've thought up a possible way we could live together... In Bolstrovo."

"Bolstrovo?" Alexei's enthusiastic mind suddenly fell flat; the shock of those words sideswiping him, leaving him with a head full of haze from which no cogent response could emerge. Nathan took advantage of the gap in conversation, presenting his case with such speed that Alexei would have struggled to get word in regardless. He gave his head a quick shake, demisting it just in time to hear Nathan begin to describe the link he'd posted in the chat window.

"...Aside from the whole immigration process, I found myself starting to look into places we might be able to live. It's not been easy, but that link goes to what I think is the best of what I've seen so far."

Alexei didn't respond verbally, but did click open the weblink. Within a few seconds, he found himself studying the half dozen pictures of a small, white stone village home presented on a Bolstrovan real estate website.

"It's in Padinica. That's a town on the southern tip of Bolstrovo, apparently. It's supposed to be really nice in the summer, set on a hill overlooking a small fishing port. It's not far from the capital, so there's even a sizeable population of Polcian-Bolstrovans living there." Nathan cleared his throat again, the nervous tension audible. "That house'd take some work to get up to scratch, but... it looks good, doesn't it?"

"Yes... it does."

"I-I think it's big enough. You'd be able to get a workshop set up downstairs, with the living space upstairs just like before. What's more, it's cheap... or at least affordable. Far more so than anything you could get in one of the bigger cities.

"I see."

"But that's good, right!?" Nathan blurted desperately, shifting awkwardly in his seat. "I mean, you spoke about moving to the countryside, to a small town. This is definitely that!"

Already drained by the day's events, Nathan's impromptu presentation, while passionate, left Alexei feeling only more exhausted. He sat quietly at his desk, reaching up to massage his tired eyes. "You... have been very busy with this indeed."

"Yeah..." The muted reaction he'd won left Nathan visibly anxious, rubbing his clasped paws and continually readjusting himself. "I got a little carried away with it all... I guess."

"Perhaps... but it is good, too. It is good to know that you still wish to be together."

"Of course I do, Alex! There's nothing I want more than that." Nathan's smile couldn't hide his rising levels of discomfort. "Listen, I just figured that... since you said you didn't have the heart to start from scratch again... I thought maybe the idea of us doing it together, you doing the crafting, me doing the office stuff..." He took a moment to recover his cracking voice. "I thought maybe that'd be a motivator to you."

"This idea..." For a second, Alexei considered turning off his camera; the video link serving to be little more than a source of pressure at this point. "It is interesting, but..."

Nathan's face twisted into a sorrowful frown. "But what?"

"I am thinking I am not as bold as you. To move to a new country, a country that is new to both of us, it is a very big step."

"I know it is, Alex, but if it wasn't one I thought... I knew we could make, I wouldn't have spoken about it."

"I just... I do not know if I can do this. Even with everything that has happened between me and my grandfather, to move so far from my home like you have, abandon him, it is not--"

"Alex," Nathan gruffed, sounding hurt, "I never abandoned my family."

"Sorry, I did not mean to suggest--"

"I moved away to Arlone to get space. Yes, they get on my nerves... and I've been short with them at times, but that doesn't mean my moving was intended to abandon them, or because I don't love them any more."

"Nate--"

"I did it because I knew I had to do it in order to find my own way. If I'd stayed at home in Alvestoft--"

"Nate!" Alexei groaned, silencing his husky before pausing to allow his voice to regain its softness. "Please, I did not wish to upset you." He sighed gently, right before a gentle knock on wood sounded through the room. With one ear perked, he turned to look over his shoulder and towards the door opposite.

"Something wrong, Alex?"

The door remained closed, the handle unmoving. "No..." With a shrug, Alexei's focus returned to the computer. "I thought I heard something outside my room."

"I didn't hear anything from here."

"Perhaps... just my imagination."

The distraction came at just the right time, cutting off the approaching argument before it could begin. Even so, Alexei felt compelled to explain his hesitancy towards Nathan's plan. "It is not that I have never thought about leaving this city, moving to a quiet town here in Velika... but to go to Bolstrovo?"

"I know, really." Nathan slowly regained his smile. "The thought of it makes me nervous--"

"This is good to know--"

"But excited, too. Alex... despite everything I've said and shown, please believe me when I say I don't want to rush anything. After all, it's barely been two months since we... told each other how we feel." Alexei couldn't resist a happy smile at that, though it'd not last long. "In saying that... at the harbour, just before I left to come home, it was hard to leave each other. We'll not be able to put that right in Velika, but in Bolstrovo... Alex, we can do this!"

Deep down, Alexei knew Nathan to be correct; there'd be little to no way for them to live a happy life together in Velika, not with all the drama they'd endured during the visit. Not only that, but hostilities towards Polcians only showed signs of increasing, if the news reports they'd watched were to be believed. Still, he couldn't shake the one thing still playing on his mind about the whole proposal.

"Nate, it is a wonderful idea, and if my grandfather were not alone... If my grandmother was still with us, I would not be having such problems with my thoughts."

Nathan buried his face in his paws, giving it a quick, forceful rub before peering back to the screen. "Alex, I understand you not wanting to leave him alone, I really do! But, at the same time..."

"At the same time, what?"

"...You need to do what's right for you," he retorted, jabbing a finger towards his own monitor, "and I'm not just saying that in this case, I mean in general."

"What are you saying?" Alexei's growing annoyance smattered his words.

"I'm saying you need to live your life, not the one Maxim wants you to."

"You are saying my life is not a good one!?"

"No, no!" Nathan threw his paws to his head all over again, vigorously rubbing each temple with a pained expression. "Gods, this isn't going right at all."

Alexei could sense his lip curling, even as he tried to resist it. "What are you trying to say?"

"What I'm saying is..." Nathan's shoulders sagged, making him appear small in his seat. "You mentioned you felt trapped when you were growing up, that your grandfather was overprotective after your parents died... Maybe this is your chance to break away from that?"

In that instant, something clicked in Alexei's head. A wave of joy flowed through his mind, only to crash straight into the conflicting tides already contained within. "But--"

"Even if he's not yet comfortable with the idea of us... that's okay. None of this means you have to abandon him, that you have to stop caring about him. I certainly didn't stop caring about my family when I moved away to Arlone..." Nathan drifted off, sitting with mouth hanging open as if experiencing a revelation of his own. With a short shake of the head, he added, "Bolstrovo, it's a ferry ride or a short flight away from Velika. It's not like you'll be on the other side of the world.

"This is true... but you miss my point. Your parents, they have each other when you, your brother and your sister are not around. Who will my grandfather have when I am gone?"

"You can still be there for him, just like I'm there for my parents. The distance isn't insurmountable."

"Nate." Alexei winced, swallowing hard at the thought of the words to come. "I wish to be with you so much... but at this moment, to move to Bolstrovo would not be possible for me."

"Alex, I--"

"I am sorry," he snapped, "but unlike the kiss we shared here at my grandfather's home, this is not something you can try to force me into."

"I wasn't..." His little husky's posture slumped even further, clearly still harbouring guilt for his conduct during that infamous visit to the elder wolf's home. "I'm not trying to force you, really. I'm sorry... I just want this so badly, and I_know_ it'd work."

"I understand." Alexei shifted in his seat, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable in himself. "Sometimes however, it is not possible to have all that we wish for." He watched Nathan's expression sadden even further, almost reduced to tears. The sight almost did the same to him, as did the knowledge that, yet again, he couldn't reach out to comfort his husky. "Nate, this no, it is not forever. It is only for this moment. We will discuss it again at a later time, yes? When things are less... disorganised."

"Okay." Nathan forced a smile, though the biting of his lip and watering eyes gave away his mourning at the rejection. "Sorry if I was pushy."

"It is okay," Alexei answered earnestly, leaning closer to his screen. "I understand the reason for it." He looked to the clock of his computer, giving the time as a little before half past ten. "Nate, I am sorry to leave you this way, but I must go. I have to wake in the morning to help my grandfather around the house."

"Oh... n-no problem." His husky's ears dipped, though the awkward smile shining back persisted. "I have some tidying up to do here anyway."

"We shall speak again soon, okay? Tomorrow perhaps?"

"Sure... G'nite, big wolf."

"Good night, little husky."

With a jabbing click of his mouse, Alexei ended the voice chat, leaving him alone within the quiet confines of his bedroom with just the monitor's cold glow for company. That too ended with a press of its power button, right before he stood up and padded dejectedly towards the bed behind him. The battling currents overwhelming his mind tugged Alexei into a deep state of anguish, an anguish that persisted long after he'd flopped onto and buried his muzzle into his bedcovers.

'Is this the right decision? Should I have said yes?'

'What about your grandfather?'

'What about Nate? What about... me?'

"Damn," Alexei yelped painfully, no closer to knowing the answer to any of those questions. He threw his paws to the back of his head, powerless against the flood of thoughts pulling him under.