FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Was a little bit of a hurry this weekend, but here's Part 12 for your enjoyment. This now takes me to 10-0 for on time Sunday postings ^^

As always - comments are much appreicated! :)

---

Part 12 - Reflections

Nathan slinked inside the bedroom, mulling over a day that had started so brightly, but ended with him perilously close to having a full-blown argument with the wolf he so dearly cared about. "Gods damn it," he whined to himself. "I... I need to talk to someone."

He pulled out his phone, using it as a torch to guide him through the darkened room. In the process, Nathan ran through the names of those he could confide in, and those that knew where in the world he'd actually journeyed to. Realistically, that left either Tasha or Shaun, with the 'I told you so' he'd likely receive from the anti-Velikan squirrel making his final decision between the two an easy one.

He called up Tasha's number with a practiced paw and composed a quick message. 'Hi Tash. Ok 2 chat online in a bit?'

Nathan sent off his text, passing the towering dresser situated next to the bedside table that housed his sleeping quarters. He moved to slip his device back into his pocket, only to notice the unread message symbol flashing next to his inbox. "No way she's got back that quick."

On opening it, the husky found a screenful of text waiting for him; 'Chris' listed as its sender.

He scaled the short ladder up to his room, switched on the desk lamp and drew the large curtain. Suitably hidden away, Nathan skimmed through the Andreran otter's message; a response to the communication he'd sent the previous morning.

'Hey Nate. Real glad you settled well and hope you havin fun with ya friend. Things here in Zelengorod are cool. The apartment my new company have provided here in the Polcian district is so damn sweet! Everyone at the office seems nice and the family are happy too. Looks like my worrying on the ferry was for nothin! Take care :) - C'

"Damn it," Nathan mumbled, hurling his phone followed by himself onto the bed. He felt happy for Chris of course, but the cheeriness of the message only served to remind him of how bright and promising everything had seemed just one day earlier.

The husky lied back, dropping his head down upon his pillow. Sighing forlornly, he stared up at the giant wooden panel that comprised the ceiling of his makeshift bedroom. 'How did things end up like this?'

A faint vibration travelled through the bed from his mobile a minute later. Sitting up quickly, Nathan grabbed his device and proceeded straight to its inbox.

'Heya. Yeah can tlk in 5? C u.'

He cracked a slight smile at Tasha's reply, jumping up to stand. Grabbing his laptop from the desk, Nathan swiftly returned to his bed. "Maybe she can help... somehow."

"Heya, Nate." The lioness' chirpy greeting fizzed out from the speakers of Nathan's computer, while her grin beamed from the image displayed on his screen. "How's everything going over there?"

"It goes, thanks." He fought to match her happiness, but came up short. "How about you?"

"Good, thanks. Got back from work a little while ago. It's late there, just after ten, right?"

"It is," Nathan confirmed. "How was Richard today?"

"Stressed, but what's new. One of the new guys called him 'Richie'... wasn't pretty."

"Ouch. Yeah, I remember doing that back when I first started. Never seen someone so angry for using a nickname. Really don't understand what he's got against it." He paused, scratching at his ear. "Did he--"

"No, he didn't moan about you not being here. Don't think he mentioned you at all, actually. Too busy spinning back and forth between meetings."

Nathan grinned. "Am I really that easy to read?"

"Yes," she chuckled lightly. "So, what's up? Were you looking to speak to me about anything in particular? Your text sounded like you had something specific on your mind."

His wide smile became quickly suppressed by the weight of his current situation. "Yeah, I was actually. Do you have time?"

"Sure, I've got a little bit. Owen's cooking dinner and the cubs are watching their cartoons."

"Great." The husky's happy expression returned, at least in part. "Hold on, I'm going to take this Normaliser off."

"You sure that's a good idea?" Tasha asked, watching Nathan remove the voice manipulator from around his neck and pluck out the sound dampening earpieces.

"It'll be fine for a bit, I'm sure," he replied, plugging his regular headphones into the laptop. "I'd rather keep this between us."

"Really? What's up?"

Nathan proceeded to explain the events of that day, sparing no detail in his description. He placed heavy emphasis on the encounter with the angry bear at the cafe, as well as that which involved the group of drunks on his way back to Alexei's apartment.

With each passing sentence, the sympathy in Tasha's expression grew until she appeared downright miserable by the time Nathan concluded. "Oh, Nate. I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through all that. You're okay though? Not hurt at all?"

"I'm fine, upset rather than in any pain."

"Understandable." The lioness looked away from her camera momentarily with a thoughtful gaze. "If it helps at all, it does sound like it was just a minority."

"True, I guess... Still wasn't all that fun to go through, y'know?"

"I don't imagine it was." She smiled. "How many others made threats? I bet most Velikans just walked on by after seeing you, right?"

Nathan's muzzle scrunched up, displaying his surprise at her apparent dismissiveness over what he'd been through. Straight to the heart of matters, so very Tasha. "No-one threatened me outright, but there were plenty of passengers giving me snide looks on the bus into town. The bus driver, too."

"I think they were probably more upset over etiquette. Probably expected you to travel down in the Polcian section."

"What?" The husky's face had developed a scowl by this point. "You think it's right that we have to be shoved into some box beneath the Velikans?"

"I didn't say that." The lioness held her paws up defensively. "I'm just trying to look at this in as positive a light as possible."

Unable to muster a counter to his friend's surgical analysis of the situation, Nathan simply huffed and shook his head.

"Glad you agree."

"Now I didn't say that," he grumbled, going on to talk about the day's aftermath; the argument he'd had with Alexei only minutes earlier.

Tasha sat patiently throughout, listening to the husky speak on about how he'd felt smothered by the wolf's protectiveness at times, especially towards the end of their trip around the city. Once Nathan had finished, she gave a curt sigh before putting forward her opinion. "I know you're big on being independent, and I do see where you're coming from..."

Nathan narrowed his eyes. "But?"

"He's just looking out for you, making sure you don't get hurt," the lioness stated with an almost apologetic shrug. "Take the walk home for example. Hurling abuse at a gang of drunks would be bad enough when they're your size, but to do it to a group of giants? Are you mad!?"

"I'd hardly call it abuse, and they started it!"

"Does it matter who started it? Either way, I don't think I'd fancy your chances in a fist-fight with a Velikan."

"I thought you'd be on my side," the canine muttered, folding his arms. "Thought you'd understand."

"I do understand, Nate, really," Tasha said calmly. "I know how much you hate being fussed over. Hell, I remember Jack. You dumped him not long after we met because he wouldn't stop calling to check up on you."

"That fox was the definition of overbearing."

"He was," the lioness chuckled, "but I don't think Alex is doing anything like that. Try and imagine it from his point of view. He's just watching over his little friend, literally."

"I guess... but on the walk home, he didn't need to be so--"

"You were shouting your mouth off to some giants, remember?"

Nathan didn't answer, caught up thinking about just how outrageous a concept that sounded when coming from someone else.

Tasha didn't wait around for him to answer to drive home her point. "You like to look out for yourself, that's fine, it's a good thing... sometimes. But gods damn, Nate, there are times when you just need to accept that other people want to support you, too!"

Grasping a clump of blond head fur in his paw, Nathan let out a despairing grumble. "This isn't what I want to hear."

"Probably not, but it's what you need to hear."

"Oh, really?" He looked back to the screen to find his friend sitting stern-faced and with folded arms.

"Yes, really. You can't let your pride go and screw things up with your wolf. I'm sorry you had a bad experience today, and I hope that's the last..."

'Your wolf.' Nathan drifted off, losing track of Tasha's long-winded reply as he rolled those words over in his mind. These two simple words, as unremarkable as they may have been to the lioness, reminded him of just why he'd longed to be here in Velika. 'Your wolf.'

Annoyance built steadily within him, but not towards Tasha, the irate bear, nor the gang of drunks. He was annoyed with himself for taking out his frustration on Alexei, for letting his pride get the better of him to the point where he'd skulked off to sit here alone in the dim light of his makeshift bedroom. A bedroom that the wolf himself had created.

Nathan veered back to the present, just in time to hear Tasha mention something about him being too thick-headed for his own good. For the first time that evening, he agreed with her. "Okay, okay." He started to smile, reacting to the warmth swelling up within his chest. "You're right... I guess everything got a little on top of me... scared me."

"No doubt! I think anyone going through something like that would be."

"I just hope I've not messed things up by blowing up at him."

"I'm sure you haven't. Just--" Tasha stopped mid-flow, a muffled voice in the background audible through Nathan's headphones. "That's Owen. Listen, I need to go."

"Sure thing." He smiled a little wider, suitably reassured. "Thanks for chatting. You've helped, a lot."

"No problem, and I'm glad to've helped." She winked slyly. "Go see your wolf."

Her camera feed suddenly turned to black, leaving the husky alone with his thoughts. 'She is right, y'know.'

He powered down his laptop, setting it upon the desk before lying back on his bed to mull over Tasha's wise words. 'If there's one person you're gonna let in, let take care of you...'

Nathan hadn't realised he'd drifted off into a doze, at least until a loud creak and a profound thump shocked him into sitting upright. "What the--?"

Another thud soon followed, then another, continuing at regular intervals and growing louder by the second. After the fifth or sixth crash, the floor started to tremble, combining with the noise to send a momentary flash of panic through the groggy husky. He scrambled up to his feet, throwing his paw against the wooden wall opposite for support.

"Nate, are you sleeping?" Alexei's voice rumbled around the side-table room, far louder and bassier than Nathan had become accustomed to.

With a relieved sigh, he glanced back at his Normaliser lying discarded atop his bed.

"Nate?"

"Yeah, I'm awake, Alex."

A brief calm followed, broken only when the giant wolf took one final step towards the side-table. With a crash, he planted his grey footpaw down in front of the opening. "Is that you, Nate?"

"Yeah, it's me! Can't you hear-- oh." The husky twisted to retrieve his Normaliser, slipping in its earpieces quickly.

"I cannot hear you so good," Alexei stated, his gentle, baritone pitch returning. "You have very squeaky voice."

He fastened the voice-altering collar and chuckled. "That better, Alex?"

"Yes, you now sound normal." A sharp jolt travelled through the ground as the wolf lowered himself to sit. With Nathan's Normaliser in operation however, the thunderous boom that he expected after those loud pawsteps sounded out as little more than a dull thump.

Alexei crossed his legs and waited there in silence. Only his gentle breathing could be heard as the little husky slowly padded towards the edge of his quarters.

"Are you alright, Alex?" he asked, looking up at the giant lupine muzzle once it came into view.

"I am," Alexei responded with a hesitant shrug, clearly still reeling from their argument. "I wished to say... that I am sorry. I--"

"Hey, no. I'm sorry." Nathan cut the wolf off before he could continue, Tasha's advice about not letting pride get the better of him still seared into his brain. "I'm sorry for taking things out on you."

"So... I have not annoyed you?"

His shoulders sagged visibly, a low groan rumbling in his throat. "You did, a little."

"I only tried to help you today," Alexei answered quietly, ears flattening and muzzling dipping. He looked down at the little husky standing upon the edge of the cabinet compartment, making no movement to scoop him up.

"I know you were. Listen." Nathan paced over to the ladder, rushing down it to the floor below. "Please believe me when I say it's not all you. This is something I need to deal with myself."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not that I don't like being held. I just don't..." He trailed off with a grunt, staring down at his footpaws while struggling to piece together an explanation for why he felt as he did.

"You needed protection from the bear. I was certain he would hurt you."

"I know, I know," the husky sighed. "I'm glad you were there... I'm lucky you were there."

"Then what is problem?" Alexei retorted with an irritated growl. He placed his upturned paw down in front of his crossed legs. "I do not know what I have done wrong."

Nathan frowned sadly, hating both the situation and himself in this instant. "I wasn't upset at you being nice to me, helping me." He stepped up into Alexei's paw, allowing the wolf to move him up into his lap.

"So why do you feel this?"

"The insults, stares. The overprotectiveness." Nathan quickly added to that last point before his host could interject. "I know you were just trying to help, though... and yes, there were times where I probably needed it tonight."

"It is because you are small that I do this," Alexei stated, briefly running a finger pad over the little husky's head with a softness that belied his size, "but not because I think you are weak. I do this because... I care about you. I do not want you hurt."

"I'm glad you care about me," Nathan replied, reaching up to rub at the wolf's big, white paw. He sighed, pulling together his thoughts in the hopes of giving Alexei a better explanation. "My parents were very protective when I was growing up... overbearing, to be honest. My mother would always check up on me while my father questioned every move I made. Not just when I was little either. I remem--" A gentle stroke down his back interrupted Nathan mid-sentence.

"You are little."

He craned his neck up to find an appeased smile flashing back down at him. "Okay, fine... littler." That drew a chuckle, to which the husky responded in kind. "Before I moved away for University, they'd just smother me. It really felt like they were stopping me from standing on my own two feet." He took a breath, glancing up again to see if he still had Alexei's attention. Perked lupine ears and earnest orange eyes told him he did. "Half the reason I left Alvestoft for Arlone was because they didn't want me to. The other half being the fact that it's little more than an old mining town in the cold north of Linvendia."

"It sounds like this was good choice for you."

"It was... I miss home sometimes, but I needed to get away."

Alexei ran a finger pad down the husky's back until it uncurled his brown and white tail. "And this is reason for upset this evening?"

"Kinda." Nathan smiled, pushing back against the rubbing. "It's the reason why I don't like to be fussed over too much. It reminds me of being back home, getting smothered by my mother and overshadowed by my father. Combine that with all the drama of today and... yeah, I just kinda snapped at you."

He sat forward as he finished, holding a thoughtful paw to his muzzle. "I've never really told anyone about this before. Not even my closest friends."

"I am happy you have told me, because I understand more now," Alexei stated, beaming. "I am thinking they do these things because they care, yes? Even if it is sometimes not best. It is what parents... and grandparents do."

Nathan cringed, realising he'd been speaking about the less-desirable traits of his parents with someone who never had the chance to know their own beyond their early childhood.

"My grandfather is the same. I have made comments to you about this many times, is this correct?"

He smiled, more in relief that he hadn't upset his wolf. "You've mentioned it in passing, yeah."

"I will try to be less protective. Will this make you happy?"

"No, It's nice that you care." Nathan rubbed at Alexei's digits with more affection this time. "Maybe... maybe you could let me help you out a little more? Even if it's something as small as cleaning up my own dishes. Just to make me feel like I can function here, rather than just be... a glorified pet to be watched over."

Alexei nodded keenly, moving a paw around the back of his friend's frame. "This is something I can do, yes."

"Thank you," Nathan replied, leaning into the leathery pads pressing upon him. "Hopefully I'll get past my issues."

"You can. I will help you to do this."

The pair remained there on the bedroom floor for a good few minutes, delighted once again to be in each other's company. It wasn't until Alexei had begun to massage the husky's soft belly with a claw that the conversation reignited.

"Alex," Nathan mumbled, panting as he wiggled against the grey wolf's white-furred paw.

"Yes?"

"I'm really sorry about earlier." Alexei's petting came to an abrupt halt, much to his guest's disappointment. "For being so nasty to you on the sofa."

"It is okay."

"No, it's not, even with all that going on in my head." Nathan turned his head to quickly nose at the huge palm pad beside him. "I was a real bastard to you, and you didn't deserve it."

"You were upset from the cafe, the walk home. I understand this." The wolf wrapped his paw around Nathan to give a gentle hug. "I was upset too."

He stared up into those soothing, orange eyes, whining sadly. "Oh gods. I really am a bastard."

"What?" Alexei cocked his head. "Why do you say this?"

"I was so wrapped up in myself, my own self-pity tonight... I didn't stop once to think how you felt."

"I under--"

"All that nonsense those thugs said about you being a traitor, insults like--"

In another demonstration of size-defying gentleness, the wolf pressed the rambling husky's muzzle closed with a thumb and index finger on either jaw. "Listen, Nate." He smiled, releasing his soft grip. "It is over now."

"You're sure?" Nathan murmured, a sorry look still plastered across his face despite Alexei's assurances.

Without another word, the wolf swept his guest up in both paws, pulling him into a huge, firm hug.

Warmth washed over Nathan as his entire frame pressed up against the giant lupine's midriff. He couldn't help but grin, rubbing his paws enthusiastically over Alexei's shirt.

"You... do not mind this? This is not too much?"

Nathan chuckled shortly, pressing his nose firmly against the wolf. "Mind?" His heart raced at the thought of Alexei's firm stomach on the other side of the fabric. He started to struggle against his host's grasp, proceeding to kneel and slide both paws beneath his untucked shirt. Quickly, he found the crotch-tingling heat of Alexei's thick fur. "Alex, I assure you this is one thing I'd never mind."