FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Quint cried out in agony at the blackness around him. All he felt was pain; an indescribable pain that seemed to penetrate every muscle and nerve in his body. Why did he feel this way? He couldn't remember anything that had happened before he was enveloped in darkness, he could only remember the searing hurt that ran through him. Every time he moved, it was all he could feel, this pain. Even his teeth throbbed from the shockwaves of hurt flowing through him. Pain wasn't the only thing he felt, however, he felt fear also, regret was another, but most of all, second to the pain was jealousy. He had no idea why, and the mind numbing emotions wouldn't let him think clearly. Another stab of pain and he screamed again. He wondered if it would ever end, this pain, the hateful feelings around and in him. He opened a swollen eye and saw the playground he knew as a child. A battered, rusted swing set and a rundown slide sat several feet away. The hyena could see his childhood crush sitting on the swing set with another. She didn't even turn her head to acknowledge him as he called her name. Quint felt a fist connect with his face and he teetered on his heal; falling backwards from the shock of the blow. He knew that the one who had stolen his love had told them to beat him. Quint fell to the ground on his back; trying in vain not to tear up as a large puma came into his view. The large cat stood above him and sneered down at the prone hyena.

"What are you gonna' do now, fag?" The feline jeered. "Too bad your sweetheart loves someone else, huh, queer?"

"I'm... not a... queer..." Quint heard himself saying as he started to taste blood from his bleeding nose and lacerated cheek.

A foot connected hard with his gut, causing Quint to clutch his stomach painfully.

"Why don't you fight back, fag?" The puma laughed.

Quint didn't answer. He was too busy fighting back the tears that threatened to stream down his face to fight anything else. The larger cat had been right, but not about what he thought. Quint let a tear fall down his cheek as he remembered that day. It was the day when the only female he had ever been in love with told him she loved someone else. He screamed again as the darkness returned with a whole new wave of painful feelings and memories.

The hyena let out ragged gasps of breath as the pain left him momentarily. He opened both eyes delicately this time and groaned when he saw the port of his home town. He was standing on the hill just outside the port; looking down at all of the magnificent and beautiful ships. This was the day he had vowed to stow away on a ship regardless of the consequences. Quint closed his eyes, not wanting to relive this memory either. He opened them again when he felt something forcibly grab his left ear.

"No...!" He thought silently as the familiar sensation burned into his ear; a ripping feeling that told him he was losing part of himself. Quint let tears flow freely this time as the pain and darkness returned. He absent mindedly brought a hand up to his broken left ear; half of it had been stolen from him that day and he would never forget it. Quint tried to figure out what was going on, why he was reliving his most painful memories, but nothing made sense in this blackness. The jealousy hit him again like a punch in the gut, causing him to wretch as more bitter tears dripped down his cheeks. He opened his eyes to see the female; his first and only love. She looked at him with a look of complacency as she took her husbands arm in hers. Quint sobbed into the wet ground as the two walked away, through the pounding rain, to be happy for as long as they lived and leaving him with his heart torn to pieces on the muddy, rain-soaked road. Quint howled in agony yet again as the darkness enveloped him. And he suddenly saw his parents standing before him.

"Oh please no..." He sobbed, "Not this... anything but this..."

His parents had no detailed features, but he had the impression they were trying to comfort him. He whimpered softly as his tears started to slow. He looked up at them, his weeping stopped for the time being as they approached. Quint wiped his eyes clear of tears and sniffed through his nose.

"Mother?" He asked, "...father?"

An orange glow began to surround them.

"You're nothing but a wastrel." The sound was his mother's voice.

"You useless, mutt!" His father's words rang in his ears as clear as bells.

"No...!" Quint said breathlessly, "I'm not... I didn't...!"

The glow turned into a raging fire that surrounded the two creatures. His parents' featureless faces started to melt away, their smiling faces turning into leering, hollow skulls as the flesh was burnt away and they fell into ash at the hyena's feet.

"I didn't mean to hurt you!" Quint screamed aloud.

Suddenly, he choked as sorrow struck his throat. A lump sat in his esophagus, not allowing him to breath, he gasped and wheezed, trying to cry and speak at the same time. His eyes snapped shut as the bitter water seeped from them to coat his cheeks once more. Images flashed before his shut eyes: wars that were never won; diseases that were never cured; the rift he had caused in his family. They were all memories from his long life. Quint gasped as she returned to him and the lump in his throat finally agreed to be swallowed. Her ghostly visage looked at him with sadness in her eyes. Her face was serene and beautiful in the destruction that covered Quint's memories. She was the anchor he could never have, for she belonged to another, and life is a fleeting thing. The hyena had watched his friends grow older and older while he barely aged at all.

They hated him for it.

They called him worthless.

They called him a cheat and a liar.

He watched her grow old and die while he remained the same. She and her husband, always so happy, and Quint was never a part of her life. She hadn't even considered loving him in return.

Something inside Quint snapped. "Well burn her anyway." He thought. "She didn't disserve me. I was too good for her. Let her and her nitwit husband rot in their graves."

The ghostly image disappeared and Quint's heart was tugged on yet again as a young otter appeared in her stead.

"Tireal..." Quint gasped. "Not you... please don't let him die too..."

The otter was not a ghost, though, as she had been. Tireal was looking around a small darkened room and he had a very frightened look on his face. The image of the otter overwhelmed all of the hyena's other memories and Quint could do nothing but watch. Tireal carefully made his way to a glass pedestal in the center of the room on which sat a glowing sapphire. Tireal reached his hand out to grab the gem, but pulled it back quickly when Quint saw himself burst through the door; holding a wickedly curved ivory dagger. Tireal looked at him with shock and horror as the hyena approached the otter maliciously.

"Not him... please... don't let him die..." Quint thought as the scene played out before him.

Tireal darted to the opposite side of the room as Quint slowly moved towards him, brandishing the dagger above his head. The otter had nowhere to run and he looked at Quint pleadingly, shaking his head 'no'. New tears slid down the hyena's cheeks as he saw himself lift Tireal into the air by the throat and grin evilly.

"Please, no...!" Quint shut his eyes, trying to blind himself from the image before him, but it played behind his eyes as well.

The otter struggled and screamed in fear as Quint licked the dagger lewdly. And the image disappeared; leaving Quint sobbing in pitch blackness with the echo of his best friend's screaming voice ringing in his ears.

Why did he hurt so much? Was that all his life really was: A series of painful memories? No, he remembered happy times. They were times with Tireal by his side when they used to have fun on his ship, until money became an issue. Was there really a point in his life when he was truly happy? He was happy when he saw her for the first time. But was that really happiness or just an excuse to have something to live for? Was Tireal an excuse too?

Quint remembered times in his life when he wished he had never put the damned pendant around his neck. There were times he wanted to undo that horrid vial's healing power; times when he just wanted to die... just like everyone else could. He just wanted to be normal. That's why he cried on the schoolyard; why he loved her when he could never have her; why he took in Tireal; and why he became captain of his own ship. Could someone like him lead a truly normal life? Everywhere around him was death. He watched his friends die all around him, watched his family die as well. His sister, three years younger than he, had passed on due to heart failure at the ripe age of 96. His best friends from youth all died soon after. He was alone in this world. That was why he tried to make excuses for himself. He hated life. He hated living while others died. Why should they get to enjoy the peace of death when it was forbidden to him?

"I'm alone." The thought was as clear as a bell tolling in his head that reverberated through the darkness; drowning out all other feelings and memories.

Nothing would change that. He would always be alone. No one could keep an immortal company except another immortal.

"I'm alone."

Tireal could not help him. She could not help him. No one could help him.

"I'm... alone... so alone..."

The jealousy and pain returned in a torrent of emotion and feeling, disrupting his thoughts. He wasn't alone. The pain kept him company in this black void. Nothing else was permanent, but it seemed the pain, regret, jealousy, and sorrow remained: burned into his soul. They had the strongest memories. They would always win out over his other emotions because they held the most sway.

A thought: "I hate it."

He had felt love once. Or what he thought was love. But it had been a fleeting moment, not even worth a second glance.

And another: "I hate her."

He had felt joy once. Or what he thought was joy. But it was of trivial matters, which lost all relevance in the greater scheme of things.

They invaded his mind: I hate...myself."

He had felt friendship once. Or what he thought was friendship; until his so called 'friends' showed him how loyal they really were and all stabbed him in the back when he needed them most.

They attacked his logic and brought new tears: "I hate...them all."

He had felt happiness once.

"I hate..." There was a pause in the pain and tears.

Yes... it was happiness wasn't it. That was something to cling to; a rock in the turbulent rapids of his emotions. He had been happy many times in his life. Even though it was usually a fleeting happiness, it was still happiness nonetheless. His life always took new turns when he was least expecting it to: the fire that consumed his parents, which he was blamed for; the other male that took his woman; friends that played him for a fool. All of these he knew had hurt him deeply. They were wounds which would probably never heal. But Quint held onto happiness... no matter how many times those memories came back to haunt him, he always had his happy memories. They weren't powerful memories, but there were a lot of them. Quint thought of everything in his life that had pleased him just a little and made him feel good about himself. His painful memories started to fade.

"I'm tired of hating." He thought

Quints eyes drooped.

"I'm tired of running."

His eyelids started to slowly close on all of the memories replaying through his mind.

"I'm... tired."

He didn't need to be normal. He was who he was. And if there was a problem with that, he wouldn't be who he was in the first place.

Pain, Fear, Jealousy, and Regret took a breather.

Happiness and sleep took their place.

Quint closed his eyes; a smile plastered on his muzzle.

Everything would work itself out, given time.

***

The hyena awoke with a start. He was staring up at the wooden ceiling of a small hospital bedroom. He turned his head to look around the room and winced as a sharp pain slid along his left temple; a fleeting reminder of the bullet that nearly punctured his skull.

"Hello pain, my old friend." He whispered.

The room was white plaster. Save the ceiling and floor which were brown hardwood. A small lamp sat on a bedside table to his right along with a small clock. Also on the table were his two pistols and their holsters. He wasn't a military prisoner or in jail, then. His eyes continued to wander as he ignored pain's insistence on his left temple. Two chairs sat on the opposite side of the room from him in which sat a sleeping Tireal and a rat soldier. The rat eyed him cautiously as if Quint was going to jump up and use his guns at any moment. Quint paid the rat no mind and looked to the small sink and mirror that Tireal rested his elbows on as he slept. It was nice of them to house and heal him like this. After all, the rat woman who fired that bullet could have just left him to die and been done with it; unless of course the bounty on the hyena's head was only good if he was alive. Quint wondered if she had only incapacitated him on purpose. Oh well, he was sure both he and Tireal would find out soon enough why they were wanted men.

Quint yawned tiredly and closed his eyes again. There was something to be said about soul searching after a near death experience. It made the past a lot more clear to him and, with the past out of the way, Quint had free reign to think about the future. The hyena fell into a peaceful, painless sleep.

END?