The Kitty (NOT by Edgar Allan Poe)
Forgot I had this. ^^ Had read "The Raven" for perhaps the 100th time in my life, and one of our big fat black cats, as if on cue, strolled in and watched me for a while. This was back maybe five or six years ago. Funny, I came across it today, and I laughed like hell so...maybe so will my readers. Enjoy! ^^
Once a midnight one December, afront the fires filled with ember Locked in watching "Come September", a trashy chick-flick sort of bore As I feasted off of chicklen, bound from Sanders finger-lickin' I felt the stabbin' and the stickin', of some claws that cried implore "Tis just my cat" I gruffed and spat, and threw some meat unto the floor "He will be getting nothing more."
Oh that night I do recall, as seasons bid their last to Fall Having heard the night wind call, announcing winter soon in store Having finished irately rapping with telemarketers in trapping My cat did leap, his hindclaws tapping, and knocked my drink onto the floor "You blasted cat!" I growled at that, and felt angered to the core "You will be getting nothing more!"
Angrily I hastened to the kitchen greatly chastened Grabbed a mop beside the basin, found some cleanser for the floor To the living room returning, my thoughts seething, burning And here I would be learning, my cat was curled up soon to snore Upon the chair I'd once occupied, to watch a chick-flick bore "Hey, you cat!" I hissed and spat, "Get back onto the floor!" Quoth the kitty, "Gimme more..."
I nearly gasped, I think I cried, I could have sworn that I had died I could not believe what ears relied, and set my heart to speed up more "Did you just speak?" I croaked most meek, eyes wide, and muscles weak And before my fear could fully leak, knelt down upon the floor To gaze more closely at this feline who'd never spoke before "Did you just say 'gimme more?'"
The cat, he yawned and stretched and smiled, his attitude at once quite mild And to my jangling nerves most riled as he looked down upon the floor Pointing with a single paw, to the floor and then his maw Making sure that I had sensed and saw, what he was greatly pining for That succulent, crispy spicy meat that he had had before Only this and nothing more.
The cat did yawn and stretch again, how long we stared I know not when But it was clear, quite clear just then, the fears in me that lie in store He would not move from off the chair, nor relieve me from his stare Until perchance I'd give him care, and feed him that which he'd adore "No..." I whispered, terror-blind, and trembled on the floor. "I will give you nothing more!"
The cat then growled, and crossed its paws, and dug into the chair with claws And teasing me he then did pause, and did point again to the floor Then I heard the subtle rips, of cat's claws tearing from the tips And with a smile upon his lips he roared an angry "Gimme more!" He dared hold hostage to my chair!, I thought with great abhor Because I'd give him nothing more?
"Cat!" I leapt onto my feet and then glared down upon the seat "Nothing more for you to eat! You'll beg and cry no more! Get yourself from off my chair, where you go I will not care But your welcome's worn, so there! Be gone, I do implore! Take your butt from out my chair and back onto the floor!" Quoth the feline, "Gimme more..."
"Fiend!" I yelled, my temper up, "I knew I should have bought a pup How dare you come and interrupt! First you make me clean the floor Then rip my chair so neatly sewn, and sit there still as marble stone And SPEAK to me with words your own and make me sit upon this floor! We should be putting on a show; a talking cat, who'd ever know? Just watch our fame and fortune grow, we'd be making such a score! Just PLEASE get up from out my chair, I beg you and implore..." Quoth the kitty, "Gimme more..."
And to this day the cat is sitting, still is sitting; and me stuck with the floor And his yellow eyes have all the burning of a feline that is yearning To hold normality from returning and keeping watch o'er spirits soar And his sharp teeth shine and gleam, he purrs and I want to scream Like a demon in my dream, he curls up and begins to snore
And as I write this poem, here in my home The clock beside me midnight tomes, and I can write no more I'll go to sleep, to dreams so deep, and hope and pray for God implore Save me from the blasted cat from once came in the door!
...
Oh great...he just peed on the floor!
END