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Chapter 4: Kevin Clawburn

Dex just sits there with an ominous stare in his eyes, as if he saw death himself standing behind me. If he can sweat, he would be sweating a pool right now. He wouldn't even dare move from his chair, instead, he only speaks.

“James, I'm sorry but… yes, I am." He whimpers slightly after his sentence is said, but it was still enough for me to hear the anxiety.

“Dexter, I don't hate you, but why didn't you tell me this any sooner? How long have you

known?"

He sits there staring into space for a while before speaking again, his voice not stumbling as much as it was before.

“5 years ago before graduating high school," he says, hanging his head.

Before I can try to knock him out of his emotional turmoil, he interrupts. “I didn't want to tell you or anyone because I didn't want anybody to know that about me. The people I know are proud of me for what I do, not for who I am. If my parents knew in high school, they would have kicked me out of the house and left me to rot living on my own."

I sit and stare because not only have I seen Dex cry, but I now see major emotional changes I never knew he could have. He was usually the joker or the tough guy or the “friendly advice no one needs but somehow wants" friend. I know he uses sarcasm most of the time to make it seem like he emotes like the rest of us, but this is something I hardly, if ever, see from him. A breakdown. A fully mental collapse inside a broken dog who is now sobbing into his lap, arms crossed over his stomach as if he's about to vomit up his dinner.

“Dex…you, you don't have to feel sad about why you cover your feelings from everyone. It's just anxiety, and everyone goes through it. Hell if I knew in high school, I wouldn't have changed at all. You would still be my best friend in the whole world, in the whole universe, and you would still be mine as one of the strongest, smartest, kindest people I know," I say proudly and thoughtfully to him.

Dex finally moves from his seat and, in a quick motion, wraps his arms around me in a firm but passionate hug.

He puts his tears to rest and says, “Thanks. You're not just a friend. You are a friend everyone would be jealous of me having, that they would sell their kidneys just to be with you. I couldn't have had anyone better than you."

I rub his back to comfort him through his catharsis.

“Thank you, Dex. You're a good friend as well." After he finishes hugging me, I remind him that our food is getting cold, and I don't think we should trust our malfunctioning microwave. We bury our forks into the food with a new bond of trust between us.

As we both prepare for bed, Dex asks me a question: “Hey James, you read the part about me with the showers with Kev, right?"

“Yes, I did. What about it? You falling for Kev?" I respond.

“Well, I wouldn't say that; it's just that I usually don't react like that in front of other naked guys. I actually felt flustered, like I was getting pent up."

“So, it was lust then?" I comment.

“Yeah, I guess you could say it was something like that."

“Well, one thing about lust is that it isn't exactly love, love, and lust are usually confused and-"

Dex puts his hands up, stopping my sentence's momentum. “Okay, I know the difference. I just wanted to know because Kev texted me not too long ago and wanted to hang out with the both of us tomorrow."

I ask him, confused, “Wait, Kev wants to hang out with me? Are you sure he said me?"

Dex gives a small chuckle, making it clear his old self is still intact. “Yes, genius, he wants to know more about you personally. I think he likes you since he asks me about you constantly."

“Kev, the maned wolf, the quintessential cool guy on the entire campus, has interests in me? I feel sorta honored knowing that. I guess I could go since I have nothing to do tomorrow."

Dex smiles in excitement, his tail wagging behind his chair as a demonstration of his happiness.

“Then it's a date! I mean, a plan." He taps his fingers against one another rather rapidly.

I wish Dex a good night and head to my room, forming more mental notes about today.

I found out my best friend from adolescence is gay.

I found out he gets a little hot and bothered around Kev. The question I have now is, “Does Kev secretly know or is Kev also gay?" I shrug off these thoughts and fall asleep. Maybe tomorrow will tell me for sure about what the relationship is between Dex and Kev.

The sound of crickets kicking against their wings awakens me abruptly from my slumber. I stretch my arms and pop the vertebrae in my back. Today is going to be a normal day, I hope.

After I finish doing my hygiene routine and ironing my clothes for the day, I see Dex come around the corner into the entrance of my room.

“James?" He yawns “You're up kinda early."

He rests his head on my left shoulder, and his foul morning breath was oozing like a new pen on college-ruled paper. I'm not bothered by it this time, but instead, I find it more commonplace than anything.

“Heh, I hardly call 8:00 AM early especially when my first class starts in 2 hours," I say, getting his head off of my unwilling shoulder.

“Well, fair enough. Imma head to the gym. I don't start my classes today until 1:00 PM, so I have extra time. Hey, if you get out early, we can try to work out those skinny arms into real weapons." He jokes as he pats my shoulder, letting me know he is certainly in a better state than last night.

“Uh, I'm good. You should know I can barely lift my own weight." I flex my arms in the stereotypical tough guy manner.

Dex laughs hysterically. “Har har, you only weigh 145 pounds, James. You need some meat on that skin, and I mean real muscle." He flexes, showing off his strong figure, admiring his own body with squinted eyes. When I center my gaze on a half naked Dex doing a model pose, his pelvic bulge is ever so slightly showing his sheath and balls. Though I know he is probably interested in this type of stuff even after he blushed when fully naked, I am not. I will admit it's impressive for what it is, and I can see that thing bring tons of pups.

“Yeah alright, muscle man, I need to finish reading for Computer Science."

“It's your call, James. Just know that some day I am going to pump--" He claps. “--you up!"

He then heads to his room, and I am left with the ironing board and iron, still burning hot.

After I finish creasing my clothes for the tenth time, I head out and start walking toward my class. Though I am already an hour early, I feel it's necessary to go over my notes in the proper environment.

On my way, I see Jena walking in the same direction on the same sidewalk in the same imaginary plane as me.

I catch up to her and attempt a normal conversation. “Oh hello, Jena. Where you off to this beautiful day?"

She flicks her long and gratuitous hair like a whip around her shoulder. “I'm off to computer science class. I'm running later than I usually am."

I ponder at her statement, wondering how she and I are in the same class and that she shows up earlier than me.

“I've never seen you in this class. Do you sit in the back or one of the corners of the room?" I ask.

She nods her head and explains. “I sit in the back because it helps me with my farsightedness. Even though I wear the proper contact lenses, I am still used to sitting in the back, even though Chloe convinced me to wear contact lenses last year. She said I would attract more guys if I do."

Chloe? Sounds familiar, I think I know who she is.

“Who?" I ask her while opening the door for her.

“Chloe is my dorm-mate and my best friend. Not to mention Kevin Clawburn's girlfriend," She answers in brief.

After she thanks me for opening the door for her we walk up the steps to the small auditorium.

“So that's why you hang out with Kev sometimes? Because Chloe is dating him?" I bring the topic back up when I take a seat beside her in the back. I never sat in the back here my whole college career, but it's nice to get a fresh perspective.

“Well, not only that but it's also because Kev needs help in his chemistry class as well. He helps me with my diet and exercise. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been as fit as I am now. I would've been the pudgy girl people made fun of behind her back. It was boring as hell listening to same old remarks."

“I can definitely preach to that" I chuckle a bit.

She laughs back and we wait until class started.

After class began and ended, I save my notes onto the computer's hard drive and put my handwritten notes in my medium carrier bag. Jena rises from her seat in a hurry and is rushing for the door.

“Hey, wait up Jena!" I say as I shove my laptop into my bag and jog after her.

I follow her to the front door of the building until I am stopped by a patient Dex leaning against the left wall.

“Hey there James. I see you're having trouble with making her stay." He jokes with a small grin showing the flat edge of his sharp canines.

I ignore his comment, and we begin to walk down the sidewalk routing to our next class.

On the way, he starts talking about some things that happened at the gym.

“James, I'm serious he was juggling those weights like balls. I was even surprised that Kev could do that with fifty-pound weights."

“I'm not surprised Dex, I mean, everyone there can bench press four or more people."

“Yeah, but having seen what I saw was phenomenal," he states with ecstasy.

The rest of that part of the day was uneventful other than a half-interested Dex in physics today. I walked around for a bit, feeling the breeze cooling my forehead after a longer than usual school day. Afterward, Dex and I head straight for our dorm room.

“Hey, you think I can find, well, the one?" he asks concerned.

This is very difficult for me to answer. I myself haven't even specifically found “the one" for me. The thing is, I've had dating experience, but I know next to nothing about dating another guy.

I answer back statically. “We are both full-grown adults. Our average life expectancies give us plenty of time to find that special person. I'm not even sure if Jena is specifically my special one. The point is that you don't find the first person you find attractive to be your entire love life."

Dex nods his head, sucks in a breath through his teeth, and hugs me. “Thanks, James. You're the best guy I know."

I know I shouldn't have but I joke, “Dex, are you coming onto me?"

He sheepishly said, “Stop it, James. Like you said, not the first person."

I let it go, and we continue our way to the dorm room. We change out of our sweaty clothes, take our showers, and change into more casual “hanging out" clothes. I change into some blue jeans and a light chocolate brown full button down shirt. I am wearing my black Stacy Adams. Dex is wearing his favorite black T-shirt with black jean shorts. The shirt had a clock reading noon and a guy getting out of bed. It is one of those cheesy, graphic tees that somehow always get a chuckle out of me.

“Funny shirt. It still describes you perfectly, Dex."

“Well, you know me sometimes. Though I'm not as lazy like I used to be."

He looks me up and down, studying my choice of clothing and style. Does he laugh a bit saying, “Well, aren't you looking snazzy? We aren't going on a date, you know."

“Well this is what I wear when I go out, but thanks for the compliment anyway."

We head to the parking lot next to the boy's dorm building and meet Kev leaning on a white Hyundai Sedan. It's not exactly super expensive, but it is a pretty pricey car. Kev is wearing some black jeans and a white shirt with an odd symbol. I assume it's from some rock band I have never heard of.

“I'm surprised; I was thinking of going off alone," Kev jokes as he pats Dex's shoulder.

“We are here, and that's what matters. Now let's go!" Dex shouts as he enters Kev's car.

I begin to open the door until Kev stops me.

“Hey, not even going to say hello?" he asks me while gripping my shoulder. His paw's grip is light enough for me to shake him off.

“Sorry, just something on my mind. Nothing you should be worried about."

“Well I'm sure it will be fine, but as for why I invited you, I just wanted to know you better." He slaps my shoulder, and I almost stumble over from the force.

I get in the car before thinking for a short while about Kev and his sudden interest in me. Yep, he's gay for me.

While in the car, I brought up a subject I've been meaning to ask for quite a while now.

“Dex, when was it in your right mind right to give Kev my cell phone number?" I ask with a stern tone.

Dex, in the passenger seat, has his left ear bent to the side, and his chin dropped into his chest.

“Sorry, but he did say he would like to talk to you more often."

Kev steps into the conversation. “I find you interesting, James. You sound cool; Dex can preach to that. He talks about you a lot after practice."

“After you bug me with all sorts of questions," Dex replies. “'Oh, what does James like to do with you?' 'Does James like to play football as well?' 'Isn't James just the hottest?'"

“Hey, I never said that last one!"

“Oh, please. With the way you've been just gushing over him, you might as well have said it."

“Guys chill, I will answer Kev's questions," I promise to him.

I take a while to answer, making Kev anticipate. “I usually like to relax and go outside, especially after a long day. While I don't like to play football in particular, but I can handle watching it. As for that last question, what?"

Dex giggles a little. “I was just messing with Kev, he never said that."

“Yeah, he was joking," Kev says, in a slightly shaking voice.

The rest of the ride to the restaurant Katter's Grill and Steakhouse was silent mostly on my part. Kev and Dex started talking about football and “girls". Then Dex brought up procedures and tactics to use in the next football game. Sadly I couldn't understand what the two were conversing about, due to his use of some kind of numerical code probably used in football practice.

We show up at the restaurant after what felt like such a long time of endless driving, and immediately, I can smell the food even inside the car--truly ambrosial. Maybe that word is too hyperbolic; it was more divine than anything. After Kev parks the car, I get out and stretch my limbs.

“Finally here, feels like Kev was driving for almost an hour," I say with a groan after popping my shoulder in place.

“We've been on the road for sixteen minutes James," Dex pats my shoulder and goes inside.

Kev turns off his car and comes up to me asking, “Hey James, how was my driving?"

Well, to be honest, the ride wasn't bad at all. I could barely tell that we were in a car at times.

“No it wasn't that bad, but you were sometimes busier talking to Dex."

“Well then, I guess next time I should talk to you more than Dex?" He says while scratching his chin.

If that wasn't hitting on me, then I should get hit by a car. Regardless I walked inside the restaurant, following Kevin. The inside of the restaurant is not too far off from being packed. Nearly every table is reserved, nearly every chair has a person. This restaurant has excellent reviews and so far excellent employees, so it's no surprise that it's this busy.

I see Dex already sitting down at the counter in front of a rounded, black device with a screen that tells us when our table is ready. We stand and mull around for however long it takes to get three free seats at one table. I feel as though this device is some sort of record breaker since the screen starts dinging after seven minutes. Heh, lucky seven is true.

“Damn, that was fast! Usually, it takes thirty-five minutes." Dex is a bit shocked.

A waiter shows us to our table after Dex returns the device back to management. We are seated in a booth not too far off from the bar of the restaurant.

After getting settled in our seats our waiter shows up, pulling out a notepad and pen. Our waiter is a black panther with some white stripes just above the collar of his uniform. I can definitely see someone confusing him for a tiger with a negative filter from a distance. He is wearing the workplaces uniform of black slacks and black button down shirt, and the white bow tie contrasts his looming stance and coal-black fur, making his figure much like a furry embodiment of the black half of a yin-yang symbol.

He asks us in a deep baritone voice, “My name is Kalyn, and I will be your waiter for the evening. Are you ready to order your drink?"

“I will have a water, for now, and a Coors Light for my food," Dex orders.

“I'll just have water," I answer.

Kev orders something off the menu for a surprisingly informal meal, and I notice the even sharper contrast in Kev's and Kalyn's behaviors than the latter's sense of style. “Mojito to start and then a Scotch."

“Okay, I will have those for you guys in a second." He finishes writing down the order and walks off his tail flicking.

Damn, I thought Dex was a drinker. Kev orders something that usually has the consumer pissing while throwing up in just three cups. As long as he drinks one, he will be okay. I hope.

After waiting a few minutes, our waiter shows up with our drinks. After that short amount of time, this panther is starting his progress of getting a good tip from me. He leaves again to check on his other patrons. Kev is drinking sparingly while Dex just gulps down his water as if he survived a desert trek. When our waiter comes back again, we all know what we are going to order.

“The drinks are good, gentlemen?" We all nod our heads. “Good, now what would you all like to eat, if you are ready?"

This time, I am the first to order. “I would like a grilled chicken club sandwich, leave out the lettuce."

“He-hey! Atta boy!" Dex pats my shoulder repeatedly as if I've accomplished a big goal after the long haul.

I ignore his gesture, and he tells his order. “I would like to have the baby back ribs and that Coors Light I ordered earlier."

Kev, the last one of the group, orders, “I will have the Grand Slammer with a side of fries."

The panther scribbles all of the orders on the notepad and repeats them in the correct order.

“Alright, if I may take your menus?" I give back my menu while Kev and Dex keep theirs, indicating that they are ordering more alcohol later. The panther left us but occasionally came back to refill Dex's cup and my cup with water.

While waiting for our food, Dex, Kev, and I are having a good time, talking about college, work, and “girls".

Before our food arrived, Kev was already on his second cup of hard liquor, and I can sense something bad happening. After his drink was finished, his speech is starting to slur frequently. He is obviously drunk at this point. I don't think he should drink another or else we are going to end up carrying him to his car. This isn't exactly a bar, but we are here to have a good time, not be his bodyguard.

“Hey James." He looks at me. “Do you an' Dex do anythin' extra otha than hangin' out?"

Dex almost choked on his beer from the question. Was he asking me if Dex and I do each other? No, I highly doubt he would be referring to that, especially publically. Then again, he was a little drunk.

“Uh, I don't really understand the question," I say nervously.

“I mean do you guys like, like do things like some friends do? Like, jerking off while watching bods show their stuff." Kev gurgles a bit at the end of his sentence.

Some people don't find that gay, but I'm not like other people, and I find that extremely homosexual.

“Hell…no. You know me and Dex don't do that!" I sternly answer.

Kev laughs a bit as if I told a very good joke.

“Heh, please. No need to lie to me guys; I know you do." His speech slurring ever so slightly.

Dex, a little upset, gets up and gets in Kev's face. “He said we don't, so no need to think we're lying!" he almost shouts.

I sit there, being defended by Dex, of something that probably wasn't serious, to begin with.

Kev is blushing and gets right back into Dex's face. “I bet you would with me if I said yes."

The table becomes dead silent, with only the sound of the music from the restaurant being the only source of “ear food". Dex's body freezes where he stands, no longer angry, but instead flustered and shaking.

“Just like I thought. You want me, don't cha?" Kev wonders aloud, the alcohol gaining more control over his voice.

Dex seemed unable to say anything. All he can do is sit, be embarrassed, and look down in shame, his eyes marked with terror and lips quivering in supposed fear.

While Kev's eyes aren't paying attention to Dex's face, I follow Kev's gaze down to something that Dex hoped no one would find. Though his fists cover his crotch, it is clear that he is getting an erection.

Dex, completely exposed, runs out of the booth, heading to the men's restroom. He barely runs over a waitress with his build while on the way. After taking in what just happened, I turn my head towards the smiling son of a bitch, both literally and figuratively. Kev just sits there in his drunken stupor and looks me square in the eyes.

“Hey, James? I think he likes me." At this point, I am going to punch him, even though he's drunk and most likely doesn't know or mean what he is saying.

“You are unbelievably cruel, and may God send you to limbo."

I storm away from the table and go to the men's room. In the men's room, I can tell the restaurant janitor must get paid handsomely seeing how clean the tiled floor is. I re-focus on why I am here in the first place and hear Dex's despondent voice talking to himself. From the tone, he sounds tense and frustrated. I don't bother going to the stall, instead, I lean against the wall next to sink and attempt speaking to him.

“Hey. Don't believe what Kev said out there. He's drunk, so he wasn't intentionally meaning what he said."

“It's not that, James," he sighs. “It's just that he's right. I do sometimes feel like that. Like I would watch that kind of thing with him if given the chance. Just the thought of me and him together, it's a nice thought. It's a thought I'd want to keep and look into. It's a thought that somehow…comforts me. Except it's like what you said earlier. It's just lust, not love."

“I understand. I still think he was in the wrong asking us about masturbation just out in the open," I scoff. “That's something private, not something you would share with someone else."

Dex opens the stall. “Yeah. In case you were wondering, I just needed some alone time, so I wouldn't have to punch Kev in the face."

“I know you wouldn't, but I understand where you are coming from," I say as I hug him.

I am welcoming him for once. Usually, I would get hugged and not really return the favor. This time, I'm willing to let go.

“Thanks, James," he whispers in my ear. He releases from my hug, holding my shoulder.

Surprised, Dex reminds me of something. “We should go check on Kev. We shouldn't let him drink any more alcohol for the night."

He is right. We don't want the poor wolf to piss himself in front of everyone…or maybe, we should just let him be. Whichever is more fitting.