FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"Daddy... Why is Mommy crying...?"

"Daddy...?"

"Mommy...?"

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I stared into the bowl of water I held in my hands, my reflection stared back at me from the surface of the rippling liquid; the outline of a blue salamander with blonde hair was barely visible in the reflection. I pulled one hand up to wipe the sweat off my face slightly and glance at the time.

4:07 AM

I stared at the glowing blue numbers on my digital clock, glimmering in the darkness of my room. I sighed sadly and put the bowl down on my dressing table nearby, picking up a cupful of water in my hands and washing my face away with the cold.

I then shook my head free of some droplets on my face and hair, before resting my face upon my hands as I leaned on the dresser, warm tears finally rolling down my cheek and striking the few droplets that were left upon my face.

"Go to bed you little brat!" A voice yelled in my head. I held my head in my arms and cringed in pain at the memories that came flooding back. Not only Painful... But also Joyful.

I then stopped for a moment and glanced at the door, then to my unmade bed, weighing my choices. My lips quivered slightly between a frown and a smile as I began to remember again.

I shook my head and stepped towards my unmade bed, and pulled the cover up, smoothing out the creases and folding it out. I looked up for a moment, and then reached over to open the window, a gentle breeze of morning wind blowing into my room.

I breathed the soft fresh air and stared outside as I held the curtains aside. It was still dark for early morning, and it would be long yet till the sun peaked over the obscured outline of the hills that I could barely make out.

I turned around and walked towards the door, picking up a pair of shorts from the floor and pulling them over my underwear, before stepping out the door.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I glanced to the stairs and saw dim light. I slowly and quietly slinked down the steps, one foot after the other, my tail sliding slightly on the steps I passed.

I finally stepped onto the tile floor of downstairs and my eyes gradually adjusted as I cast my gaze towards the dining table. Hunter, My older brother, sat at the table with a book and a cup of fresh coffee, evident by the gentle wisps of steam flickering off the surface inside the rim.

I stepped forward slowly, my socks muffling my footsteps as I walked towards Hunter. I was only two metres away when Hunter raised his head and looked at me. He reacted in shock and surprise when he gasped suddenly, knocking over his cup of coffee over by accident as he jumped a little.

I flinched when I heard the mug shatter on the tile floor, the warm coffee splashing all over the place. "You scared me Reks." Hunter said before sighing about the mess. "Looks like I'll need to make another mug of coffee." Hunter murmured. I felt slightly guilty and cast my head down.

"I'm so sorry... I..." I began quietly. Hunter paused for a moment, and then chuckled. Stepping around the mess and walking towards me, he put his arms around me when he was close enough and gently brought me into a gentle hug.

"Shh, it's not your fault." Hunter murmured to me. I raised my arms slowly and hugged him back, closing my eyes without another word. Hunter let go of me and ruffled my hair slightly. I opened my eyes and looked into his. He smirked and patted my shoulder as he walked over to the kitchen.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I sat down on the lounge after a moment. I heard the coffee machine whir to life as Hunter came back with a sponge and a dustpan. He knelt down carefully and began to clean up the coffee with the sponge. He paused after a short while and sat up straight, turning to face me. "Can't sleep either?" Hunter asked. I stared at him blankly for a moment, and then I nodded.

"I've been thinking about them..." I said. Hunter tilted his head and then glanced back at the floor, staring down at the mess in pondering. Then, at the same time, we both glanced at a large framed photo of mom and dad together, hanging on the wall.

"You were thinking about what happened with dad, huh?" Hunter asked. I nodded. Hunter looked at the mess once more and sighed. He swept up the mess with the dust pan and set it down on the coffee table in front of the lounge. He then sat down next to me and leaned over so he could see my eyes. "Do you want to talk about it for a while?" Hunter asked. I looked at him thoughtfully and hesitated for a moment. Then I nodded softly.

"It was when I was eight years old..." I began.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I was... Happy then... Especially when you were around...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

"Brother!" I cried out, laughter in my voice as I ran towards Hunter. He turned around just as I leaped at him and tackled him to the grass, yelling out in surprise. We rolled down the hill together a couple of times, laughing, until we finally stopped.

Hunter picked me up and ruffled my hair with his hand as he held me by the chest with his arm. I laughed childishly as he gave me a noogie. "Hey! Stop it!" I yelled out as I struggled to get out of his grasp. Hunter smirked as he let go and let me fall to the grass. I rolled over and stared up at him as he folded his arms at me.

Two years older than me, you were always looking out for me...

"Come on Reks, let's go home." Hunter said. I grinned slightly. "Piggyback?" I asked. Hunter nodded. "Piggyback." He repeated as he turned around and knelt down. I giggled and stood up, jumping on Hunter's back and putting my arms around his neck. Hunter lifted my legs up and carried me all the way down the hill on the wayward road home.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I miss our childhood. Back then, when everything seemed it would be the same forever... But then... Hunter... Why is life... So Unfair...?

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Hunter walked up the steps and then let me down to the ground. We both laughed childishly as we walked up and Hunter rang the doorbell. I grinned brightly as he ruffled my hair again.

Hunter opened the screen door as the front door opened, and we both saw mom standing in the doorway. I jumped through the doorway and threw my arms around mom in a tight hug, nuzzling her as she chuckled in slight surprise.

"We're home mom!" I cried out in a muffled voice. I looked up at her and saw her bright smile as she caressed me in her arms. "Where did you two run off to today?" She asked curiously as she rubbed my back gently with her hands. I grinned and glanced at Hunter, who smiled back.

"We went to a really, REALLY tall hill! You could see everything from there!" Hunter answered in an excited voice. Mom smiled at the both of us. "Well, you're both just in time to have some chicken." She said as she let go of me. I giggled aloud.

"Yay! Chicken!" I exclaimed, barely containing my excitement. Mom laughed and we followed her further inside. "Reks, you set the table please. Hunter, can you help me serve dinner?" She asked. We both set to do as we were asked. We all sat down at the table with our knives and forks.

After a few minutes into dinner, I looked at the last seat on the table. "Mommy, where's daddy?" I asked. Mom looked at the seat, then towards the front door. "He's... Not home yet." Mom answered.

I frowned in disappointment and put down my knife and fork abruptly. "We can't eat dinner without daddy!" I protested loud and clear. Mom shook her head and raised her finger to her lips. "Sh, little one..." She said softly. I cast my head down and stared at my food quietly. Mom sighed and kept eating. But I didn't continue.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I wasn't hungry...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Eventually, it was bedtime for us. Hunter and I brushed our teeth and got changed into our pajamas. We went back to the room we shared and slipped into bed, and Mom came to tuck us in.

She leaned over Hunter first and pulled the covers over him, and kissed him on the forehead. Hunter closed his eyes and went to sleep with a smile on his face.

I watched him with a quiet giggle as Mom turned around and sat on the side of my bed and gently ran her fingers through my hair. She smiled at me, and I smiled back.

"Mommy, could you tell me a bedtime story?" I asked quietly. She tilted her head and looked at Hunter, who was already snoring. She chuckled and then brushed my hair with her hands again. "Of course little one... Let's see..." She answered. She rested her hand on the side of my face as she began to think. She then smiled slightly and had her story.

"Once upon a time, there were three little bears in the forest, all of them brothers." She began. I curled up closer to her under the covers to listen. "One day, the three of them found a hive of honey in a tree, but only one of them was able to reach it." She went on.

"So the little one climbed the tree, and reached the hive. But as he picked it up, he felt greedy for a moment. He put his paw in the hive without thinking, and the bees inside stung him!" Mom exclaimed in a sharp whisper. I flinched slightly as she leaned closer. "What happened then Mommy?" I asked softly. She thought about it for a moment.

"He fell, but he was lucky that there were some branches just above the ground. The bee hive fell as well, but was caught by the second little bear. The first was caught by the branches, but then got stuck." Mom continued. "'Help! Help!' He cried out. An--" Mom said softly, but then got cut off.

We both heard the front door open loudly with a slam. I suddenly sat up, but Mom pushed me back down gently. "Wait here, little one." She said as she stood up and walked towards the door. I sat up again and shook my head. "What about the bedtime story, mom? You didn't finish with a happily ever after!" I protested.

She paused for a moment and looked at me. She was about to say something when we both heard glass breaking downstairs. I shrank back in shock, naturally fearing the noise of breaking glass. Mom looked at me again and sighed.

"I'll finish the story soon, but stay here." She said, a worried look crossing her face. She closed the door slightly, and I then sat back and curled up in bed, waiting.

I eventually slowly closed my eyes, thinking about the story. I imagined the little bear, crying for help. I imagined...

There was a shout from downstairs. I opened my eyes suddenly and listened in. Someone was yelling downstairs. I froze for a moment when I heard a swear word. Slowly, I turned to look at Hunter, but his snoring meant he was deep asleep. I bit my lip slightly, and then silently got out of bed. I walked towards the door and tugged it open slightly. The lights were off upstairs, but I could see the light downstairs.

Slowly, I walked over to the stairs and listened.

"--And maybe if you weren't gambling--" A voice growled angrily. I perked up and recognized it as Daddy. "I haven't been gambling! Why do you--" Another voice protested. It's mommy! I thought.

Suddenly, there was a loud snap and I flinched. I could hear crying from downstairs soon afterwards and I walked down the stairs. I followed the light to Dad's study and peeked around the corner.

Mom was lying on the floor, sobbing. Dad sat at his desk with his hands buried in his hands. I stepped in without thinking, my eyes squinting slightly in the light.

"Daddy...?" I began softly. "Why is Mommy crying?" I asked. Daddy didn't answer. "Daddy...?" I repeated. But he still didn't answer. I looked at Mom. "Mommy...?" I murmured.

"Why are yo--" I began to ask. But then Daddy stood up suddenly and pushed his chair aside, turning to face me as I stepped back behind the corner in fear. Daddy strode towards me and grabbed me by the hair . I cried out in pain as tears welled up in my eyes. Dad dragged me along and up the stairs.

"Daddy! That hurts! Let me go! Da--!" I protested, but as he let me go, he slapped me across the face. I fell to the carpet of the stairs suddenly, slowly sobbing as my face burned red. He leaned over and looked at me.

"Shut up you little brat..." He whispered. I tried my hardest to stop crying, scared that he would hit me again. "Now you're going to go to bed right now, alright?" He said fiercely. I didn't answer. He pulled me up again by the hair suddenly. "ALRIGHT!?" He yelled. I cried and tried to nod a quick as I could, hoping he would let go. "Go to bed you little brat!" He yelled at me as he threw me onto the stairs.

I froze for a few seconds, sobbing. I then stood up quickly and ran up the stairs as fast as I could and ran to my room, slamming the door and throwing myself into bed and pulling the covers over me hastily. I curled up into a ball, huddling as my breath became shallow, trying to keep my sobs quiet. A few moments later, I heard the car outside rev up, and then drive off. I closed my eyes, and wished it was all a dream.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

But the pain I felt in my burning face reminded me... It was real...

I woke up the next morning, my face still sore from last night. You shook me slightly, murmuring words to me. But I wasn't listening.

I was still shaken from the night before... That morning, both Mom and I... We were... Quiet. I think that day... You left to go to a friend's house...

After you left... They called Mom... About the accident...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

"I--" Mom slowly began as she held the phone in a shaking hand. I stood nearby, hugging my pillow to my face. Mom looked at me for a moment, and then looked away. "Alright then... I'll be there as soon as I can..." She said. She then hung up on the phone, and slowly put it down. She then glanced at me, and tried to force a smile. But as much of a smile it was, I didn't smile back. She sighed softly and walked towards me, bending down so that her eyes lined up with mine.

"Reks..." She began softly, raising her hand to my face. The moment her fingers made contact, I shied away, feeling the pain again. She took back her hand and shook her head. "Reks... We have to go to the hospital... Get ready please..." She said before standing back up straight. I didn't say anything, and went back upstairs to have a shower and get dressed.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

We didn't talk at all when she drove us to the hospital. I just sat in the car, and looked out the window as the houses went by. At one point, I felt like crying, when I saw another child being picked up by their father, and hugged close.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I got out of the car, wiping away the tears with my hand before Mom could see my face. She smiled at me slightly, and took my hand as we walked through the car park towards the hospital. I looked up as we stepped into its shadow, the tall building looming over us with the sun high behind it.

We walked towards the doors of the hospital. I looked on ahead as the doors opened wide to accept us.

I imagined them as gaping teeth as we walked through them.

As we walked in, we passed an old grey dog in a wheelchair, being wheeled out by a younger grey dog, tears fresh in her eyes. I looked away towards the receptionist's desk, and saw an orange fox, his face in his hands as one of the receptionists put his hand on the fox's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

There was so much pain...

I began to picture the hospital as a prison, a cage of despair. I could see so much sadness.

In the distance, I could hear a wailing voice, and I saw doctors run by down a corridor. I tugged on mom's hand and looked up at her. But she ignored me for the moment as she spoke to the receptionist, looking undisturbed by the hospital. I bit my lip and looked down the corridor, scared of what I might see. I began to think about why we were there. I wondered why we were at a place so scary...

"Reks." I stopped and looked up at Mom, who looked down at me. She wasn't smiling, but her eyes were calm and serene. "Let's go." She said. I looked around as she lead me by the hand through the hospital. We passed doctors, walked down corridors and went by rooms filled with stretchers and machines that bleeped. I finally closed my eyes, and let Mom lead me through the hospital.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I hated the place... I wanted to leave. I wanted to escape... But I didn't...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

"Reks..." Mom began. "Reks, we're here." She said. I opened my eyes slowly, wondering what I would see now. As everything slowly became clear, I noticed we were in a corridor. I looked around as Mom sat me down on a seat, just outside a room. "Stay here for a moment... I'll be back soon, okay?" She said to me. I looked down the corridor worriedly, but before I could answer, she brushed my hair gently with her hand before hugging me close.

"Sh... It's okay..." She whispered. "We'll be out soon, I promise..." She told me. I said nothing, and slowly hugged her back. She chuckled slightly before nuzzling my neck. "Be good, okay?" She told me. I nodded quietly. She then let me go and stepped into the room. I watched as the door slowly closed behind her with a click.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I then huddled up and hugged my legs close on the chair, waiting. We were at another part of the hospital, because it was quiet... Nobody passed me as I waited. It seemed to take forever...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Finally, the door clicked again and I raised my head to the sound. The door opened and I saw Mom walk out with a doctor, who put his hand on her shoulder. I could see that her eyes were shining with tears, not of joy, but sadness. I could tell, even when Mom tried to look fine, because the doctor was trying to comfort her like the receptionist did with the fox. I watched them walk off, talking to each other.

Before they stepped around the corner, I imagined the doctor as a terrible monster.

I looked at the door, and wondered what Mom saw. What could possibly have made her cry...? I looked back down the corridor as everything was silent, except for two things; Mom and the doctor around the corner, and a familiar bleeping noise.

I got up to my feet quietly and slowly stepped towards the door, reaching up to the handle which seemed to speak to me, saying, "Don't open it!" as my fingers grasped it. I firmly pulled it down and pushed the door open.

I stepped inside and looked around. The room was the same as all the other ones I had seen. Filled with stretchers and machines, with a single large window on the wall at the end of the room with curtains drawn back to let overcast white yet dull light shine through. All the stretchers were vacant, except one. All the machines were silent, except one. There, in the corner of the room was a stretcher where on it laid Daddy.

I stared at him for a moment, frozen as I took in the sight. Dad laid on the stretcher dressed in a hospital gown, a clear plastic mask fixed to his face with tubes snaking around his arm. The machine next to him bleeped as green line flashed on the screen.

He opened his eyes slowly and saw me. He weakly raised his hand to me, as if to say, "Help...", his breathing heavy and distorted by the mask on his face.

I slowly stepped towards him, and imagined him as the bear that was trapped in the branches, crying for help.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

He looked so helpless...

I stood at his side, my hands resting on the metal barrier of the stretcher that was supposed to keep the occupant from rolling off the stretcher. He looked at me with such sad eyes... I found it hard to believe that he was the person who yelled at me, and hit me last night...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

"Daddy...?" I murmured. He stared at me silently, lying so still, even as he breathed. I reached over with my hand, and brushed his fringe aside from his eyes. He had a black eye on the left side of his face, a dry maroon scar trailed across his left cheek. He reached up with his trembling hand towards my face, but as he touched it, I flinched again. He then dropped his hand suddenly, too weak to hold it up.

I stared at him for a moment, and then realized what he was trying to do. I took back my hand, and picked up his with both of my own. I held it up to my face, and rested it gently on the palm of his hand. I heard him sigh softly as tears ran down my cheeks. He pulled his hand gently out of my grasp, and wiped my tears away. Then, through the fog of his plastic mask, I swore I could see him smile, one last time. Memories began to flood back to me as I began to remember all the times he smiled at me like that, not so long ago. I clasped his hand in both of my own once more, and held it close to my heart. I was so scared now.

And suddenly, he closed his eyes. I was stunned for a moment, not sure what he was doing. Then I heard the machine, wailing the same tone instead of bleeping like normal. I stared at it and saw the line was no longer jagged as it flashed, but dead straight.

I looked at Daddy and let go of his hand. It dropped suddenly to the stretcher, without any life in it. I reached over and gently shook him. "Daddy...?" I murmured again. But he didn't answer. "Daddy, wake up..." I said, a little louder as the machine wailed. But he didn't hear me. I began to shake him harder, hoping he would wake up. "Daddy, don't go to sleep!" I cried out.

The doctor and Mom jumped through the doorway, and another doctor followed. I looked at them with tearful eyes. "He's not waking up..." I cried. The doctors didn't say anything and rushed to Daddy's side, pushing me aside into Mom's arms. She hugged me close and I looked up at her. Her eyes were still tearful as she watched. I tried to turn my head to look, but Mom hugged me tight. As she squeezed me close, I could hear the doctors at work.

"Clear!" One said, and then I heard the sound of electricity crackling. There was silence for a moment, and then they tried again. "Clear!" The doctor said again, and I heard the sound electricity crackling again. But nothing changed...

The machine still wailed... Like the wailing I heard before.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Mom cried a little. She picked me up and hugged me close as she carried me out of the room. But over her shoulder, I could see dad. At the time... I thought he was just asleep. But I was still scared, because he wasn't waking up, and the monitor still wailed... I had no idea that he passed away...

We got home, and Mom sat at the dining table for what seemed like ages. I watched her from behind the corner as she cried. I was scared...

For the first time... I realized that Dad wasn't asleep...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Hunter sat back with a sigh. I sat there, deep in thought as we both went quiet. Hunter's cup of coffee sat next to his book, untouched and gone cold. The dustpan filled with shattered china and the sponge soaked in water and coffee sat on the dining table close by. We both stayed silent for a while, thinking about what had happened. I looked up and stared at the framed photo once more.

Life was harder after that... I thought reminiscently. Mom worked so hard at the Flower Shop we owned for the next Seven years, but it wasn't enough without Dad. I remembered.

Hunter and I tried to help as well, but soon we couldn't afford the house. I moved to live with Hunter, and mom... Mom began living in the Flower Shop herself. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the couch.

After that... She just began to give up... She just, couldn't go on. The Flower Shop closed... And then... I opened my eyes and leaned forward, clasping my hands together.

"And then after that, Mom passed away as well." Hunter said, as if reading my mind. I looked at him with parted lips. He stared at his cup of coffee quietly. I finally nodded.

"I miss them both..." I whispered sadly. Hunter glanced at me for a moment, and then nodded as well. "I do too..." He admitted, pulling me close to him in brotherly hug. I stared down at the coffee table and raised my arms to hug. I then looked out the window, and noticed that the rays of sunlight began to light the morning sky.

"It might be hard, but I'll tell you a secret, little brother..." Hunter murmured. I raised my eyes to look up at him as his own looked down at me.

"As long as you don't forget them, they'll always be with you." Hunter whispered. I stared up into his amber brown eyes with my own, the small smile tugging at his face. I couldn't help but smile with him. I closed my eyes and hugged him tight.

"I'll never forget..." I swore. "Never, ever, forget." I said. Hunter chuckled and rubbed my back gently.

"That's my little brother." He said. "Come on, it's time for breakfast." He said to me as he gave me a pat on the back. I let go and watched him stand up and walk off with his mug. I sat for a moment, and then stared at the framed photo once more.

For the first time that morning, I finally noticed that Mom and Dad were smiling at me.

Remembering my promise, I smiled back.

I'll always remember... I promise.