Finding One's Way; Chapter 4 - Michael
#4 of Finding One's Way
Here is Chapter Four, from Michael's point of view!
Find the book teaser on chapter one or chapter two. Critique is always awesome, and if you like it, share it with others!
Hope you enjoy!
"Ahg! Not again..." I muttered as I woke up on a chilly Sunday morning. For the third consecutive night, I'd had a dream about Luke. I had dreamed about him in general, about us being together, and other things. I knew that it was so wrong for me to be having these dreams, but they just wouldn't stop. In each dream, it would be wonderful, but I would wake up feeling awful. Last night's dream had left me the most rattled of all. I had been together with Luke, and disturbingly enough we were lying together. I had been spooned into Luke with him in front of me. One of my arms had been draped over Luke's side, and he had clutched it with his own hand in front of him.
Luke was my best friend right now; I didn't want my mind filled with silly fantasies about my friend! The problem remained though, because no matter how much I told myself that it was wrong, I could not truly bring myself to hate these dreams and thoughts. I hated that I couldn't hate them. All these things were piling up and making even the simplest of days a hassle to get through. I had no solution, so I just kept mentally bashing myself.
I looked over at my dresser and saw that it was only 7:30 in the morning. That wasn't really early, but it was early enough for me go back to sleep. I turned over and rearranged my limbs and the blankets around them. I curled my tail over my side as I quickly fluffed my pillow, then I put my head down and closed my eyes. The noise of the small fan in the corner of my room quickly lulled me back into the world of dreams.
My mind wasted no time in setting up another dream. This time I stood in a vast field of wheat, the wind blew gently and there were mountains off in the distance. I felt a hand on my shoulder, gently pulling to turn me around. Of course it was Luke, looking dashing as he always did in my dreams. He had a calm look on his face, a small smile playing at his lips. I felt him casually slip his hands into mine, as if they always belonged there. My heart fluttered slightly; ears strait up and my tail quivering. And for the first time in any of my dreams, Luke spoke. "Michael, don't be afraid to be who you are."
"What do you mean, who I am?" I asked quietly. Luke said no more and gently leaned in to...I woke in a shock before anything more developed. I panted slightly from the dream, a little worried by what dream-Luke had said. Don't be afraid to be who I am...I don't get it! I thought. I didn't think I was afraid to be me... I looked at the clock again; it was 8:27. I was definitely getting up now, for I would not take the risk of any more dreams.
I shoved off my covers and rolled out of bed with a groan. As I stood up, I absent-mindedly patted down some stray tufts of fur while rubbing sleep from my eyes. I threw on some pajama bottoms over my boxers, and then went out to see how everyone else was this morning. As I padded softly down the hall to the kitchen, I passed Matt's closed door and knew he was still asleep. My father, who looked like he had just woken up too, wore a robe and some fuzzy slippers that I always made fun of. He sat at the kitchen table, just starting to nurse a big cup of black coffee. "Oh, g'morning Michael", he said as looked up from the newspaper, which told me it was September 12th.
"Morning Dad. Since Matt isn't up yet, I'm going to get in the shower. Maybe he'll be up when I'm done and we can make some breakfast or something."
"Alright, try to keep it under 10 minutes."
I turned away with a smirk, "I'll try." I walked back down the hall, stifling a laugh as I heard Matt snore briefly through his door. When I got to my bedroom, I pulled out a pair of clean boxers, a darker pair of denim jeans, and a blue sweater of lighter material. After I got everything together, I headed into the bathroom and set my stuff on the counter by the sink. Promptly, I disrobed and got in the shower. I did actually manage keep it under 10 minutes, which always made Dad happy.
I walked into the kitchen again and saw Matt sitting at the table. He was nibbling a slice of apple while watching TV. He seemed engrossed in the show, which featured a kid with a large yellow mouse like thing following him. I smiled and turned to my dad, who was now fully dressed. He was still sitting and reading the paper, but as soon he saw me, he glanced over to Matt. "You, little puppy, need to go get ready."
"Can't I wait tell a commercial or something? Please?" Matt begged, now done with his apple.
"No, you cannot. If you wait for one commercial break, we'll end up waiting for the entire thing to be over. Now go get dressed please, I don't want to catch the crowd." Matt got up with a sigh and sulked on his way down the hall.
"Where are we going?" I asked Dad. I'd grabbed a banana for myself while Dad had been talking to Matt. I sat down now and started to eat it.
"I decided that it's been awhile sense we have gone out to eat, let alone go out for breakfast. I have a little extra money, do I thought we'd go."
"That's awesome!"
"Yes, so get ready to go please. I'd better go check on Matt to make sure he isn't dawdling.
*** *** ***
After a great breakfast, we started to do some small errands. While my dad drove to the local supermarket, I sat in the passenger seat and Matt sat in the back. While absent-mindedly watching the buildings and trees go by, I had my old-fashioned flip-phone in my hand, just fiddling around with it. I usually kept it in my pocket, but I need to occupy my hands. I couldn't think of any other reason why I would have it out, but maybe my subconscious knew more.
As I sat there, my phone buzzed with a text. I hadn't been expecting anyone to text me, but ok. I flipped it open and saw a text from Luke. This did not surprise me, he and I often texted each other. I opened the message and read *hey Michael, what's up?*
I responded promptly *im not doing much right now, sitting in the car on the way to the store. we just got done with going out for breakfast. how about you*
*Hmm, have fun at the store =/ I'm great, though I'm kinda bored. My folks don't have anything planned for today so I gotta find stuff on my own.*
I waited a bit before responding while I thought about what to answer. I looked outside real quick and saw that we were about five minutes away from our destination, then looked back to my phone and wrote *after we're done with this stuff, i dont think we have anything planned either. i might have the same story as you soon. and going to the store isn't that bad*
*Well, would ya like to maybe come hang with me at my house?*
I looked at the text right as we walked into the store, and my heart skipped a beat, though I knew it shouldn't. We had been friends for the last whole semester, best friends for these last two months in my opinion, but we really hadn't hung out other than at school or on the bus. It would just be Luke's house, nothing special. However, I was still caught up by hesitation to go. He, though indirectly, had thrown much of what I wanted to believe out the window. I mean, I'm not incredibly religious, but didn't the bible say something about being gay? I am not gay! I don't even like Luke that way. Head, you just need to shut up.
I turned to my father as we walked down the canned goods isle. He was just grabbing some various types of canned fruits when I asked him, "Hey, so Luke doesn't have anything planned today, and he was thinking we could maybe hang out over at his house. Would that maybe be ok?" I don't know why but I felt really awkward asking. My dad checked a few items of his list while he thought.
"You know", he said, "I don't really see any problem with that. But, of course, you'll have to wait until we get home and unpack the groceries. He lives pretty close to us, doesn't he?"
"Um, ya, he does. Just about four or five blocks away." I'd never been by his house, but I somewhat knew where about it was.
"Well, like I said, I don't see any problem with it. You'd just have to be back for dinner. And his parents are okay with this, right?"
"Umm..." I pulled out my phone quickly and texted Luke *dad seems ok with it so far, he just wants to make sure that your folks are ok with it*
*Ya, they're cool with it* Luke's answer came with surprising quickness.
"His parents are ok with it." I told my dad, while he contemplated which paper towels to get.
"Then all of my criteria have been met." Dad then continued to shop around the store, while occasionally breaking to Matt's begging for one thing or another.
I texted Luke hurriedly *ya, then everythings fine. can't wait. though you'll have to wait until i get home. Shouldn't be more than an hour*
* Oh man :( you know how much I hate waiting. Oh well. Text me when your home* I was really excited about going over to his house. There was a spring in my step the rest of the shopping trip; all bad thoughts from this morning dissipated.
When we got home, I hurriedly ran to the trunk to grab groceries. The quicker they were put away, the quicker I could go over to Luke's house. I ran inside with two bags on each arm. I made sure to wipe my digitigrade paws before heading to the kitchen. I then set the bags at the base of the counter and started rummaging through them to put stuff away. My dad came in a little later with the rest of the bags, while Matt hefted the gallon of milk. I text Luke soon after *hey, all done with groceries. ready for me? i just realized that i don't really know where your house is...*
*Don't worry. Act like you're walking to the bus, and I'll meet you half way.*
I ran to the bathroom to relive myself before I went, and to make sure that I looked presentable. I guess I shouldn't of cared that much, but I wanted to make a good first impression on Luke's mother and father. I also gave myself a self-conscience sniff, because there's not much worse than smelling bad. While walking back to the front door, I saw that it was about 12:30. That gave me a good four or five hours in which I could hang with Luke. "Bye Dad!" I called as I went to the closet to pull out a coat. There was no snow on the ground, but it was rather cold.
"Bye, see you later. Like I said before, please be back before dinner. That means around 5:30."
"Alright, I understand." And I was out the door in a light jog. God...I hope he won't be waiting on me. I thought as I got to the end of my block. I turned right and, just as Luke had said, started like I was off to the bus. After about five minutes of speed walking, I saw Luke's corner come to view. Lo and behold, there stood Luke waiting for me quite patiently. Today, one would find him sporting a pair of casual jeans with a scuff in the right knee along with one of those silver Under Armour shirts that hugged his frame. He had a simple scarf thrown around his neck. It was easy to see the ridges of his well-toned body because of his shirt, not that I care... His tail waved lightly and his tongue lulled happily to the side while his breath formed small clouds. His eyes shone brightly as the cold winter sun caught his blue optics.
It got me all excited, to see him like this. He looked absolutely beautiful...stunning...even though he wasn't dressed up at all. I guess he had always been handsome, but now.... I stopped walking as he waved over at me, and a huge hot wave of embarrassment flood over me. I started walking again, but looked down at the ground, completely abashed.
"Uh, hey Michael." Luke said a little hesitantly as I finally reached him.
"Oh," his voice took me out of my embarrassed stupor, "hi. Sorry if I made you wait out here in the cold."
"Naw, its fine. Are you...all right? You looked fine a little bit ago, but then you all-the-sudden looked like you'd been shaved naked or something."
"I'm fine, it's just...no, really, I'm fine." I tried to shove away all the boiling emotions and looked at Luke with as convincing of a smile as I could.
"Alright, well then, why don't you follow me?" My bluff must have worked because most of the previous worry evaporated from his face. I trailed behind him, though distractedly. I dreaded having another stream of perturbed thoughts cross my mind. I was so engrossed I didn't see the bushy grey tail sweep towards me. It swiped me across the face, though there was no force behind the hit. Looking up startled, I saw Luke pointing and laughing. "Your face...haha! Your face is great!"
A feral grin spread across my face, my tail swish back and forth fast. "Man, you had better run, 'cuz I'm going bring down the beating on you for that." When I raced towards him, he turned tail with a fake yip of fear. We raced down the street, a flurry of fur and laughs. Eventually Luke ran towards a particular house's large front lawn, and just as he reached it, I tackled him onto the grass. We had enough force that we rolled together almost halfway through the lawn. Laughing, we came to a stop with me on top of him. We both continued wrestling in the glee for about another minute, until I realized that I was on top of him. I scooted myself off in panic, most of the joy gone. Luke gave me another one of those looks...hurt maybe? Or worry, but either way it hurt me in the strangest of ways to see him like that.
"Are you sure everything is alright? Did you get hurt or something?" True worry shown in his eyes. I regained my composure and tried again to flash a big smile.
"Ya, I'm fine, I promise."
"Okay...anyway, we seem to have come upon my humble abode." He got up and held a hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me up, then without letting go led me to the front door. He knocked a couple of times then opened the door. "Mom, Dad, I'm home!" he yelled.
"We're in the kitchen, bring this Mr. McKray that you've told us about in here." called a female voice, which I suspected to belong to Mrs. Turner.
"Alright, one second." I didn't say anything; simply following Luke's example by wiping my feet on the mat. Luke had yet to let go of my hand, which was somewhat weird, but I didn't protest, so he pulled me along through the front hall into a big kitchen. I took a little bit to look around; there were nice - what appeared to be marble - countertops accented nicely by modern looking, stainless steel appliances. Luke saw me gazing and muttered into my ear, "It's all relatively new; my parents always hated being 'out-of-date and out-of-style'. I don't really care much though." I just nodded and followed Luke over to dining table.
"Um, hello. I'm Michael." I said nervously to Mister and Missus Turner. I stepped forward to shake both of their hands the stepped back. I wasn't quite sure what to do from there.
"It's very nice to meet you, Michael. I'm Mr. Turner, but you're fine to call me Luke's dad." His father said as I stood there. Then his mother gestured to one of the chairs.
"You don't have to stand there Michael, you can sit down. Just like my husband, I'm fine with Luke's mom. However, if you really want to call me Mrs. Turner, that's fine too. Can I get you anything to drink? Water...milk...I think there's some soda in the garage." After pulling out the chair, I sat myself down and answered.
"No thank you, I'm fine right now."
Luke got up and tugged me out of the chair. "Come on Michael, my room is up stairs!" It was all a little sudden as I had just down, but I would much rather see Luke's room than have small talk with his parents. I let Luke, yet again, pull me up the stairs and down the hall to his room. I wasn't sure what I expected to find his room like, but I don't think it was what I would have thought. His room was painted, like the rest of the house had been, in earthy tones. There were quite a few posters of popular bands on the walls, including a boy-band that most girls were in to. The floor was surprisingly neat...not that I imagined Luke as being messy. His bed was made up nicely with a navy blue bed set. Across from the bed, next to closet door, was a small entertainment set with a small TV; the shelves underneath held nicely put-away gaming items. His window by the bed was cracked, letting in a subtle breeze.
"Wow, your room is great!" I exclaimed as Luke plopped himself down on his bed.
He smiled. "Really? It's not much."
"No, it's nice. A lot nicer than mine..." I thought of my plain bedroom, with white bare walls and some dirty clothes strewn across the floor.
"I'm sure it's fine." He grinned as he walked over to his TV set and pulled out a game. "So...do you play any fps games? I've got the new Modern Warfurs game, if you'd want to play it."
"Ya, sure. I'll play it with you. I like those kinds of games but we don't own any. We only have a few games, all family orientated."
"Ah, I see", Luke said as he set up the game and handed me a controller. Before playing he gave me a quick rundown of the controls, since he had a different system than I did. We had so much fun playing the game, completing missions or what not. I was content...completely content...spending the whole rest of the day with Luke. We played Modern Warfurs until 3:30, and then Luke's mom came up and gave us some soda and sandwiches. We talked about various bands that we liked and disliked, and even chatted about some books. It was great!
At five I thought it would be smart to head home, because early usually looks better. I helped Luke tidy up a bit before I went, even though he insisted I not. Both of his parents seemed to love my gracious thanks for having me over, and even said that I should come over to dinner some night.
"I will talk to my dad about; thank you so much for the offer!" I told them.
"It's no trouble, Michael. Luke talks about you all time, so I figured you must be alright." Mrs. Turner said with a smile. Luke's ears folded back in embarrassment as I gave him a look that asked the truth to that statement. He didn't shake his head though, so...
"Well, thank you again! I really need to get going home."
Luke piped up, "Hey, I'll walk part the way with you"
"Oh, alright" I answered with a smile. We were then both out the door, me setting a brisk pace with Luke matching it easy. As we walked down his street in the afternoon sun, I turned to him and said, "Luke, thank you so much for having me over! It was a great time; we should totally do this more often!"
He looked back with a smile, the sun catching his eyes beautifully as he answered, "Yes, we really should." his look caused me to get look away self-consciously. I didn't want him to catch me staring or anything. Luke suddenly pulled my shoulder back so we stood face-to-face. "I've seen that look before, Michael. Today, it was there when I first met with you. There have also been times at school where we'll be doing something and all the sudden you'll look uncomfortable to be around me. Did I do something?" He looked to sky while searching for what to say next. "I may have only known you for half a school year, but it's been enough to learn when something is wrong." He stood there with his hands on his hips, the breath steaming from his muzzle in short frustrated puffs. "Michael, I'll just tell you strait up; besides Natalie, you're the first real best friend I have had in 4 years. I don't want it ruined be something stupid."
"I...uh..." Stumbling over my words, I tried to search for the right thing to say. I hated the accusing look he gave me; it made me want to tell him everything, though resisting that erg as much as possible seemed smarter as finally I spoke. "It's just...it's nothing. No wait, it's something...god, I am messing this up!" I placed a hand to my temple as I tried to recollect my thoughts. Every time I had dreamed of Luke rushed into my head, causing me to flounder even more. Everything I shouldn't say seemed to be crashing behind a breaking floodgate. "No...No, nothing is wrong...Maybe something is wrong with me? I don't know...It's just...sometimes when you don't do anything at all", at this moment, there was no stopping the momentum of my words, "you look so...beautiful and handsome...but you shouldn't and...I get so mixed up and...and..." Then with a gasp I clamped my mitt over my mouth, flabbergast at what I had just said. I didn't mean to say any of that. I shouldn't have said that.
I didn't even think at that point, I just gave Luke a quick glance then turned tail, running as fast as I could back home. Why had I just said that? I didn't even really think that...did I? I kept running, not looking back. As I ran, distraught for what I had done, I failed to see Luke after the fact. His whole demeanor changed; frame slumping down and head hanging. I failed seeing a solitary tear slide down his cheek fur, leaving a soft trail. But most of all, I failed to see him turn around with shoulders hunched, shaking not from the cold that permeated the air.