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Those couple of weeks after the dance and kiss with Natalie were challenging for me mentally. It seemed, as luck would have it, that even though there didn't seem to be anyone looking, everyone saw my escapade. Within a matter of days, the whispers were throughout the entire grade. As I would walk through the halls, eyes would follow me. Through all this, my relationship with Natalie didn't change drastically, but sometimes it was awkward being around her.

At least I could look to my friends to act like nothing had changed. I felt a pressure come of my shoulders every time I was around them, and we could all just talk about nothing. Today was one of those days that I hoped would be generally normal.

"Hey there, Luke!" James and Lilly called in unison as I walked into the cafeteria for lunch. I waved my furred hand at them and started to walk towards the table where they sat.

"Hey guys! How's it going?" I said as got to the table.

"I am doing great, especially since we are finally in the in the third quarter", said Lilly with a sigh of relief.

"I agree with Lilly, I am ready for school to be done!" James exclaimed after swallowing his mouthful of food.

"How have you been doing?"

"Me?" I asked. "I have been better."

"Have a bad class today or something?" Lilly inquired.

"Nah, it's just..." Before I could finish my sentence, James spoke up.

"Luke, Natalie told me in our last class to tell you to meet her in the library during lunch. She said she'd probably be over in the fiction section."

"Well, I'll head over there after I finish my lunch because I am starving."

"Fair enough." James said into his sandwich.

"Do you have any thoughts as to why she wants you in the library?" Lilly asked, her head cocked to the side.

"No, I can't think of anything", I said. I too wondered what Natalie could possibly want.

*** *** ***

The library was open during lunch to all who wanted to come. I walked through the wooden doors into the relatively small library, about the size of two or two-and-a-half good-sized classrooms. I walked up to the main desk and signed the check-in paper, then did a slow circle while scanning for Natalie. I found her in the quiet corner of the fiction section, just as James had said. She had picked a spot farthest from the desk and the door, and had proceeded to bury herself in a book. I smiled; Natalie had always been the bookworm of our bunch, and was never ashamed about it.

I meandered over to the table where she sat, while scanning the bookshelves. When I got to her table, I pulled out the chair across from her. It took her a couple of minutes to realize that I was there and promptly put her bookmark into her current read. She deliberately put her book into her pack slowly because she could sense I was anxious to hear what she had to say. After she had but her book away, she clasped her hands together in front of her and looked me in the eye. I wasn't quite sure what to do so I simply held her gaze.

"Luke, I will cut strait to the point." My heart starred beating just a bit faster, had I done something to offend her? "I have liked you for a long time, but at the dance I felt we finally shared something. Would you please go out with me?"

"Uhhh....um...." I was truly speechless, and she really had cut to the point. I imagined how I looked; I must have seemed pretty stupid just staring at Natalie with my maw wide open.

"Luke", she smiled a bit, "If you would like to think about it, I am fine with that. I have waited for this long, so I can wait another day or two." Just as I finally understood the entirety of what she had said; the end-of-lunch bell rang. Natalie smiled one more time, gathered her stuff and walked out of the library. But, as she passed me, she reached in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. If I was not blushing before, I definitely was now.

Still in a daze, I gathered my things and walkout of the library to my next class. I was not sure what to think about anything.

*** *** ***

I walked home from the bus thinking to myself. Well, I never actually dating anyone, let alone Natalie. Was it really such a bad thing though? I mean, someone just asked me out! Me! Natalie always was cute, I guess. Maybe I just never noticed it...that has to be it!

I walked into our house and set my stuff by the door. Nobody was home and It was nice and cool in here compared to outside. I walked through the living room and turned down the hall. I went into the bathroom to wash my hands after being at school and to relieve myself. Then I walked to my bedroom. I left the lights off and flopped down on my bed. Soon, after lying for a while, I dozed off.

*** *** ***

"Yes, yes I will!" I said breathlessly. I had finally caught Natalie in the halls before school started.

"You'll what?" she said as she turned to face me.

"I will go out with you", I said with a smile. I couldn't believe somebody, let alone Natalie, had asked me out. Ever since Natalie had asked me yesterday, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I guess I never noticed how cute she is, and how her hair shown. Somebody had asked me out, me! I was completely giddy.

"Oh Luke! You will? This is great! I mean I wasn't sure and I thought...oh well, it doesn't matter now!" Then she threw herself at me with a great big hug. I hugged back gleefully, enjoying the feeling of being wanted. She let the embrace go just as I was about to. "Well, Luke. See you at lunch!" Just I was about to leave, she reached up and pulled down my head to give me a quick peck on the lips. Then she giggled and blushed hard through her fur then ran off to her first period. I really was asked out. I didn't notice it then, but my lips did not tingle or react to her kiss at all. I was simply giddy.

I stumbled to my class like a drunk, and I am sure that I had a stupid grin smeared all over my face. As I walked in to my first class, English, I was humming some silly little tune to myself. I plopped into my desk with maybe six minutes left before the late bell. Tim and I shared this class, and were fortunate enough to have seats beside each other. Tim turned to me with a quizzical grin. "Why do you look like you lost about 20 IQ points?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. It's just a good day, I guess." I answered, my mind in a fog.

"Dude, I've known you for too long, something must have happened. Did...you win something?"

I chuckled, "Well, I guess it could seem like that to some furs. Keep guessing because I'm not going to tell you."

"Ah, come on! Oh well...is it something to do with a girl?" I said nothing, hoping he would drop it. I didn't really want anybody knowing yet. "It is a girl! Wait, wait, I know what's going on! Did Natalie finally buck up and ask you out?" I looked over in surprise. "She did!"

"Yes, she did. Now, could you maybe keep it on the down low for now? I'll tell the others when I'm ready."

*** *** ***

It had been about four weeks since Natalie and I had started dating, and I think I was ready for it to be done by the second. Natalie and I had told the whole gang about us being together three days after I had said yes. Evidently, I had been the only one who couldn't see that Natalie had been crazy for me. Oh well...and as long as Tim seemed okay with everything...

It was a Thursday, and I was ready for the weekend. I waited patiently for Natalie outside the library doors. This was our thing; I almost always got to school really early, so I would wait for her outside the library, then she would run up to me with a big hug and a peck on the cheek. We would then either go into the library or walk around the school while talking about whatever. However, this morning, along with the past few days, had been different.

As I stood there, Natalie ran up and kept with the routine. But for me, it was bland, all bland. I felt weird kissing and hugging my best friend like that, Idiot! Girlfriend, not best friend. I would fake through it, but our interactions had lost all the mystique and heart-racing excitement. Dating Natalie no longer felt like dating, it felt more like a one-sided, extremely clingy friendship. Dating shouldn't feel like this. Natalie broke my thoughts as she towed me off down some hall. "So Luke, how're you doing today?"

"Oh, what? I'm doing absolutely great." I lied, "How about you?" I couldn't bring myself to say anything about how I felt to her; she just looked so happy to be with me.

"I am doing fabulous, now that I'm with you!" That was a very effective verbal punch to the gut. Why had I been so happy those first two weeks? I could not understand.

"Ohhh, thank you!" I said with a big smile. And we went on like this, exchanging small talk and small words of liking between us.

"So, Luke, are you busy this Saturday? I'm not and I was wondering if you like to go see a movie or something. Would you?" I did a quick mental rummage through my schedule, and found nothing.

"Um...I don't know...I'll have to check it over with my parents, so I'll give you a definite answer tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan, see you for lunch!" Natalie said as the bell rang. She reached in for another quick peck and then ran off down the hall, her tail swishing happily behind her. I didn't feel much anything about going with Natalie on a date. It just didn't carry any feeling and I felt bad that it did not.

*** *** ***

"Dad, I'm home!" I called as I walked in. It was rare that he got off early. I set my stuff by the door for tomorrow, and went to the pantry to find something to munch before starting my homework.

"Alright, how was school?" he said as walked into the kitchen too.

"It was...alright" I answered as I moved to the fridge to find food. Really though, my day had not been all right. It had been awful. All day, I had thought about Natalie's offer, our situation, and my overall feelings. I turned to face my father with an apple, which I had found, stuck in my mouth.

"Alright, huh?" He gave me an incredulous look, but pursued the subject no longer. His next subject was worse. "So...are things between you and Natalie going fine?"

I averted my eyes fast to try to keep them from betraying me. "Um..." I took a bite of apple, and then continued, "Yah, things are going pretty good." I walked over to my place at the kitchen table to sit and eat; though it was also to hide the fact that my tail was starting to curl under me.

"Son, it's really pointless to hide stuff from me; I've known you your whole life. Now I won't push too hard, but don't be afraid to tell me what's wrong." The fatherly look he gave me made me want to spill all. I guess it wouldn't hurt anything, I thought.

"Well, it's just..." Why can't Tim and I be together? No...I can't say that... but that exact thought had started my problem. It would creep in unnoticed, and then throw itself out at the worst times. "I don't know if I even like Natalie like she likes me."

"Then, why did you say yes to her in the first place?"

"I...I don't know. Maybe, since she was the first one to ask me out..." my ears flicked back with discomfort, "I guess I was too shocked by it to really assess how I felt about her. Maybe I thought that it was okay that I didn't really think of her that way, that those feelings would come later. She is still one of my best friends, but it's awful being around her, knowing that she has waited a long time to be with me but I don't share any of her feelings."

My father sighed and scratched his chin ruff in a thoughtful way. "This sounds to me like you were caught up in the moment, and didn't check with reality first." I nodded, knowing that this was the exact reason. "Well, at this point there is nothing I can do that I haven't just done. I helped you identify the problem, now you must decide what to do. You could go on faking your way through the relationship, hoping that maybe she will grow tired of you. On the other hand, you could go to her tomorrow and tell her the truth. It might seem harder that way, but it might save your original friendship. You will need to tell her all of it, don't lie at all."

"Why do relationships have to be so hard?"

He laughed, "Because they are the one experience where you cannot learn it all. Love and life always have new things, or things not learnable. You must stumble blindly, hoping to find a guiding hand somewhere. Oh, and fair warning...Natalie might not take it so well, so be prepared. Don't treat her any differently then you did before you two dated. She might hold a grudge for a short while, but just act the way you always have. Obviously, you were doing something right to make the friendship in the first place."

"Alright, and thank you so much!" I set down the apple core and jumped up to give him a hug.

"That's what dads are for. Now get to your homework; once Mom gets home, we're going out for supper"

*** *** ***

My dreams that night were very odd, but they were great! I was at school waiting for someone by the library doors like normal, but I knew it wasn't Natalie. Then, around the corner came Tim, dressed fairly nice. He came to me and took me into a big hug. It felt wonderful! After he was done, he took my hand in his and we walked around happily, saying sweet nothings. I felt so free, so...together with him. At the end of the dream, he gave me a peck on the cheek, and the heat from the kiss spread fast through my whole body. It was one of the best dreams I had ever had.

*** *** ***

After I met with Natalie the next morning, I pulled her along with me to one of the lesser used hallways. I wanted a little more privacy then the main halls provided. I then turned to squarely face her and lost my voice completely. I couldn't think of what to say, so Natalie took the opportunity. "So, what did your parents say about Saturday?" she took a hold of my hands and looked up at me hopefully.

"Um, well...actually, they didn't say anything...because I didn't ask them."

"What? Why didn't you ask them?"

"Because...because I don't think we should date anymore" It spilled out of me like a jumbled mess, and it came out a lot faster than I had planned. I felt my tail curl in discomfort.

"What? I couldn't understand you."

"I don't think it would be smart for us to continue dating. I would gladly still be your friend, but I don't think we should be together." My guts wrenched as I saw hurt forming in her eyes.

"What do you mean? All this time you seemed so happy being with me...just as happy as I was with you. So why?"

"It's just...I don't think I ever actually liked you like that. Umm, you see, you were the first fur who had ever asked me out. I think that maybe I was so happy about being asked out that I didn't stop and see how I really felt. I don't even think I'm ready to date yet; I don't think I'm up to snuff"

A solitary tear slid down her cheek fur, "I...I can wait tell your ready, Luke. I really like you Luke and don't want to let you go. Could you maybe try? Maybe you'll feel it too, after just a little longer"

"No, I don't think it works like that."

Sadness and anger now crept into her voice, "Luke! You haven't even tried! Maybe you never tried and that's why this is happening."

"Okay, okay...fine!" I don't know why but anger was building inside me. "I told you the truth about how I feel, but I have one last bit. I don't even know if I like girls!"

*** *** ***

Natalie got over the breakup fast, with us being back to normal within a week. Over the next couple of weeks from there, stretching into mid fourth quarter, Natalie was the one I could confide in. I finally had someone to share my secret thoughts with, and she never made harsh judgments. I told her all my thoughts about Tim, and how I felt being around him. She said that she could relate. I didn't dare share any of it with my parents, because these things seemed so taboo, but I could tell Natalie most anything. I think that our friendship actually grew stronger through all of this.

Things continued like this through much of middle school. James, Lilly, Tim, Natalie, and I stayed great friends the whole time through. Well...for the most part. One day, maybe a month before school was out, I gained some courage. It was after school, and I was waiting outside with Tim for my mother to come get me. It was raining pretty hard, but we stood under one of the eaves.

We had been talking about nothing in particular, but I got a crazy idea in my head. I turned to face Tim, ears back slightly with anticipation. "Tim?"

"Hmm, yah?"

"I want to tell you that you have been one of the best friends I've had. I want to thank you."

He looked a little caught off guard, "Umm, you're welcome? Are you dying or something?"

I laughed, "No, silly! But I was maybe wondering...if...I don't know." How do I say this? "You have always been special to me; I guess is a good way to put it. I was wondering if maybe...you felt the same?" he just stared at me, and I couldn't read the look in his eyes. "Well, it's like...it's like when we all went to that first dance in sixth grade. That day, when I was getting dressed, I made sure that I looked nice for you. I didn't really care what the others thought. I guess I've always cared about you more than average." I swallowed hard, extremely nervous. "I think I can ask this, so here it goes..." I hadn't looked up at Tim yet, "Would you maybe go out with me?" It felt like a ton had been lifted off me. I had told him!

When I looked up though, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Tim had backed away ever so slightly, and his eyes... his eyes were filled with disgust and horror. Why would he feel like that? That was when he made me truly understand who I am. He shoved me, hard, onto the ground. Rain quickly started to soak through my clothes to my fur . Then he pointed at me with one finger, teeth bared and a low growl in his throat. "My dad told me about furs like this, like you! It's disgusting, a guy loving another guy. It's stupid and gross. I cannot believe you just asked me that question! Now that I think about it, I can clearly see all the times you fawned over me." My ears were folded all the way back, for fear and sadness. I had not know that one simple question could do this. Whatever I had said, Tim was and would no longer be my friend.

He took a step forward and kicked me in the shin. It was enough to cause all my emotion to spill over. I started to cry. I could not believe that Tim would do this, or act like this. Why was he doing it now? He said furs like me are disgusting, but what is like me? Am I not normal? "Quit your crying, you perve! You disgusting little dog!" Then he bent and picked me up by the front of my shirt and held me there. "Don't talk to me again! Don't look at me, or think of me. All you are, and obviously all you have ever been is", I was sobbing now, unable to control it, "a fagot. You are just a fag." He let go of me and I crumpled to the ground, crying and soaking wet. He simply turned and walked away through the rain without a second glance.

I finally knew that day what and who I was. James and Lilly both heard Tim's side of the story, and I lost both of them. Natalie was the only one who kept with me, and helped me through it.

After that day, I tried to never let another fur into my heart, simply out of fear that the same situation might happen again. I kept Natalie only as my close friend. And it stayed like this until the day of the start of the sophomore year. One dog's lovely smile, his looks...he made me crack my social shell. I had said hi to him when I first met him on the bus, and his voice rang through my head the rest of the day. I still remember the stupid little sentence that made me open up, that placed his paw on my heart. I still smile to myself as I remember how strong...and cute...he had been when saying it. "It's nice to meet you Luke, my name is Michael McKray."