Not Quite Frankincense
"There were a lot more people today than usual," Nathan said as he placed the extinguished staves in the trunk.
"Yeah...I was actually a little nervous!" Rosa chuckled, twirling a poi that had been put out. "But it's great to see that so many people are interested!"
"Watch where you swing that," Nathan sidestepped in order to place a kiss on her head. "It's good that you're having a good time, dove."
"I might have to learn something new before next time," Rosa said as she coiled the poi. "So that people keep coming back."
"Hey, there's no rush," Nathan held the car door open for her. "Besides, you're entertaining people plenty with what you know now. Just keep working on your routine."
Rosa had been one of those mousy girls that grew into her beauty in a few short years, and because of this few of her peers at school had noticed her until recently. While she was not particularly shy, all the attention she was getting all of a sudden could be overwhelming at times. Nathan, who had known her since middle school, had suggested that she perform in public so that she could meet others on her own terms. She had made friends this way, but still preferred to spend most of her time by herself. Lately this time was spent studying at the new cafe by the park.
She headed towards an empty seat, passing a woman wearing sunglasses. The woman looked up as she walked by, holding up a hand in a wave. "Hey, nice fire show you put on the other day."
Rosa turned around and gave the woman a smile. "Thanks! I take it you liked it?"
The woman tilted her head down so that she was looking over her sunglasses. Rosa noticed that her eyes were a curious shade of deep red. "Oh, absolutely, sugar. Been to a couple of 'em. Lemmie introduce myself...I'm Robin."
"I'm Rosa."
"Like the name. Shame about that one time when you dropped your sticks and burnt that pretty little dress of yours, though."
That happened during one of Rosa's first performances. She laughed uneasily. "Oh...yeah. I thought that dress was a bad idea anyway, so I didn't mind so much."
"You can sit down, if you want," Robin gestured to an empty chair at her table. Rosa took it with a nod. "You ought to be more careful, you know."
"Oh, I've switched to more manageable staves since then. I haven't dropped them since."
"I didn't mean that," Robin said as she brought her cup to her mouth for a sip. "I was talking about your condition, sugar. People might notice."
Rosa's fingers twitched from their hold on her cup. "...Excuse me?"
"Your condition. Your ability. The fact that you aren't hurt by fire. Don't tell me you haven't seen it for yourself. Your dress goes up in flames and you don't have a mark on your body? Kind of strange."
"Oh," Rosa forced a laugh, relieved it wasn't something she didn't already know about. "That. I'm just thick-skinned, that's all."
"Thick-skinned," Robin repeated under her breath, rolling her eyes slightly. "People are supposed to burn when they catch fire, sugar. The fact that you don't...means something."
Rosa tucked her chin, waiting for Robin to go on. She tapped her fingers on the table at the silence.
"It means that you're a supernatural, hon."
Rosa said nothing and looked aside.
"You want something to change, don't you? Don't try lying to me, my kind know all about desires. You know something's missing with you, but you don't know what it is. I know someone who can fix that...unlock your true potential. Would you like to meet her?"
Rosa flicked a look back at Robin, but couldn't hold her gaze. How does she...what does she mean by "my kind", anyway?
"I'll let you think it over," Robin leaned forward with a calm smile and pushed a card forward. "Give me a call whenever you make a decision, sugar."
Rosa looked down at the card to pick it up, but when she raised her head, Robin had disappeared. She shook her head to clear it, and looked back down at the card. There was a bat-winged woman lounging on top of some contact information, and the cell phone number had been circled in red.
Rosa decided to call Nathan when she got home, because she was at a loss. "Hey, um...god, this is going to sound really stupid..."
"Pfff. Go ahead and say it."
"Have I ever reminded you of a supernatural creature? Like a fairy or something?"
Nathan pondered for a while. "Well...sometimes you make me think of a dragon."
"A dragon, really?"
"Yeah. Especially when you haven't eaten and you're really mad," he laughed.
Rosa was somewhat relieved that Nathan didn't think too much of it, but Robin's words were weighing heavily on her. Your ability. Supernatural.
Her mother had said something to that effect, before she passed away. "Keep dancing...find someone who can see your special talent." Rosa looked down at the card Robin had given her again.
"Is this what you meant, Mama?" she asked the air around her room. "Should I go for it?"
There was no response, of course. Rosa flopped back onto her bed, staring at the back of her hand.
"Is it really so special?"
When things got too confusing or complicated, Rosa would feed the birds at the park. She felt like that would do her some good, so she headed there as soon as she got off from work. Winter was coming, and some of the birds were very round. It made her laugh.
There was a voice calling out, and she looked up to see Nathan approaching. "Nathan! Are you off work, too?"
"Yeah. They finally let me go on time," he said, sitting down at a bench nearby. Some birds hopped around his feet. "...Man, there's a lot of 'em today."
"They're getting ready to head south," Rosa said, kneeling down amongst the birds. "They need to get all fat beforehand so they're taking all the chances they can get."
Nathan nodded and didn't say anything for a moment.
"Is something bugging you, dove?"
Rosa looked up at the question.
"You usually do this when you're bothered by something. Wanna talk about it?"
Rosa looked back at the birds, who were looking for more food. "There's been a lot of stuff." She sighed and examined her thoughts for a moment. "I've been feeling like I'm not going anywhere."
"Well, it's hard to do anything until we get out of school. Just hang in there."
"It's not that," Rosa said quickly, as that was entirely unrelated to what she was worried about. "...It feels like I'm stuck. I can't...grow. I'm not learning anything about myself, or what my mama wanted me to learn."
Nathan got up from where he was sitting and knelt by her. The birds scattered. "I think everybody doesn't know who they are to some extent."
Rosa let out her breath in a long sigh. "There's...a way that I might be able to figure out what my mama wanted to tell me, but I don't know if I should go for it."
"Hey, you should do it. You've got my support."
He sounded just like her mother when he said that.
Rosa's thoughts felt messy and stormy when she got home. She flopped on her bed and could do nothing but examine the activity in her head for a moment.
Nathan wanted her to explore her "talent". She wondered if he would feel the same way if she told him what that really meant. She was too tired to follow that train of thought. She picked up the card from where it lay on her nightstand.
Don't try lying to me...my kind knows all about desires. You want something to change, don't you?
More importantly, she wanted to know what her mother meant. Haltingly, she dialed.
"Robin Synia, at your service. How can I make your night better?"
"Hey, it's Rosa," she put a hand on her forehead. "I'd...like to meet that person you know."
"So you've decided, then? Great. Are you free on Saturday?" Rosa nodded, then realized that she had to say something, so she made an assenting noise. "Alright...the Master will meet you by that coffee shop at eight PM. Don't be late, okay, sugar?"
"I won't," Rosa said, a bit angry that Robin would think she'd be late to something as important as this, or as important as she was making it out to be. Rosa still wasn't sure what to expect, and perhaps because of that, she decided not to tell Nathan.
Still, it was something her mother wanted her to do...and something she wanted for herself, as well. So she waited by the cafe at the agreed date a little before the scheduled time, looking at her hands and at the lit candles that were on each table. She was about to reach her hand over one of them when she noticed a woman approaching. Unlike the other people in the cafe at this hour, she was wearing a business suit, but what struck Rosa the most was the way she carried herself. There was a power in that stance and step...Rosa stood without thinking.
The woman looked a lot like her mother up close. "You must be Rosa. My name is Morrigan...Robin told me about your situation." She held out a hand for Rosa to shake. Rosa took it, aware that her heart was pumping hard. No...she was different from Mama. Mama was a quiet, gentle woman, especially in her last few months. This woman seemed confident and sure...very bold. She was also much bigger than Mama.
Rosa swallowed. "So you know about my 'ability'? You'll help me with it?"
"Your ability is fully manifest. I mean...I can't make you more flame-retardant," Morrigan had a pleasant, rumbling chuckle. "But what I can do is help you break out of your mortal form."
"My...mortal form?"
"Precisely," Morrigan said, and didn't elaborate further. She began to walk towards the park, and Rosa followed. "If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"
"I turned 18 a few days ago."
"Congratulations," Morrigan smiled. "Did you go out to celebrate?"
"Not yet," Rosa said as she watched a crow flap away from them.
"Oh? That's a shame. Why not?" Morrigan stopped walking and started to look around the park.
"My family doesn't have time for it this week...but, my boyfriend got us tickets to see the Nutcracker next weekend."
"Very nice," Morrigan took a moment to turn around, as if she had had an idea. "Are you a fan of ballet, Rosa?"
"Oh, absolutely! I've always wanted to learn how...but I've never had the chance."
Morrigan was crouched down, touching the grass and flowers nearby. With each touch, something slowly changed - the ground became a fluffy white, the flowers grew into proud trees, the grass twisted into blooms as tall as a lamppost...even the sky took on an enchanted dark blue color. Rosa stepped back in surprise, but Morrigan turned back with a reassuring smile.
"Would you like to try?"
Rosa felt very light on her feet, as if she was perfectly balanced on her toes. She looked down at them and saw that they were wrapped in gold ribbons, and barely made any marks on the snowy ground. All of her clothes had changed into a similar material. She tentatively took a step forward, then another, one with a small leap, and there were almost no traces in the snow. It felt like she had been blessed.
She didn't know the names of all the movements she did, and could hardly begin to imagine how she was doing them, but her body seemed to be moving...flying...on its own.
Without warning, she was pinned by a warm embrace. For a panicked moment, she tried to free herself.
"Are you having fun?" Morrigan laughed, looking down at her. Those words brought Rosa to her senses, and she went still. Morrigan let her go with a smile and began to walk into a heavily wooded forest. Realizing that she would be alone if she did not follow, Rosa traced the other woman's footsteps with light leaps. She didn't want to be alone in such a strange - if not breathtakingly beautiful - world.
When Rosa found Morrigan, she was standing in a clearing in front of a seated, malicious-looking man. Behind his throne, there were a number of young women hiding.
"Let them go," Morrigan said in a loud, clear voice. "You cannot keep these girls like caged birds!"
The man on the throne raised a hand, snapped his fingers, and all of the shadows around him shifted into ragged beasts. He then pointed at Morrigan.
The monsters lurched forward, and Rosa's breath caught in her throat. No!
Before she could think to do otherwise, she leapt in front of Morrigan. The creatures stopped in front of her, as if they were entranced. Rosa began to dance...or fly...and the creatures mimicked her movement in a frenzy. They cried and flailed, and eventually crumbled into heaps of dust. That wild dance had left Rosa drained, and she felt her legs trembling to keep her weight up.
She felt herself fall with the lightness of a feather. When she had the energy to open her eyes again, she found herself in Morrigan's arms, under a snow-covered lamp. They were still in that strange, magic world.
"Oh..." Rosa sighed. "Oh..."
"That was magnificent," Morrigan said softly. "Did you recognize the ballet we just performed?"
Rosa had no answer, and could not muster the energy to say anything even if she had.
"That was a version of The Firebird, Rosa."
Rosa buried her face into Morrigan's warm coat. "I didn't want it to end..."
"Your role as the firebird doesn't end here," Morrigan spoke close to her ear. "You are ready now..."
Rosa felt the other woman place her hands on her back, reaching into her body as if to pull something out. It didn't hurt, but it made it hard to breathe. Then she felt a warm fluid come out of those spaces in her back - warmer than blood, something like the feeling of fire on her skin.
"This next part might be a little shocking...just remember to breathe."
Rosa felt that her tailbone - not just the skin around it, but the bone itself - was being pinched. She squeaked, clenching Morrigan's coat. Like before, there was a feeling of a warm flow coming out of that spot, but this time around it was a bit more distressing.
"...You are still holding back, Rosa," Morrigan said gently. "I cannot do more for you." She stepped away.
Rosa looked behind her, cupping her new wings with her hands. Long tail feathers stroked the ground. She had no words to say for a long time. "Is this...my other form?"
"It is part of it...but it is not complete," Morrigan explained, pulling a ribbon from her hair. "You must put together the rest. Until then...this talisman will shield you from the eyes of man." She tied the ribbon around Rosa's neck. "I wish you the best of luck, Rosa."
Rosa fell into a deep slumber, and woke in her room. She touched her hand to her neck and found the ribbon there.
It all did happen...so my gift was...being a firebird? A phoenix? But Morrigan said that I wasn't complete...
She played with the end of the ribbon while staring at the ceiling. Then she realized that she had turned into some kind of half-bird and sprang up to panic properly.
Does this mean that the reason why I don't burn or catch fire was that I was a phoenix all along? That seems like something I would've known!
In her jumping around she had brought herself in front of the mirror. Other than the ribbon around her neck, she didn't look any different than before. She tilted her head at her reflection, pondering it, then removed the ribbon to see what that would do. There was a crackle and her wings flowed out of her back, like a candle being lit. A tingling feeling later, her tail feathers also appeared.
She examined as much of a wing as she could without twisting something. The feathers were harmonious blends of oranges, golds, and reds, but they seemed dull somehow. Or at least they seemed duller than the wings of the phoenixes that she had seen in photographs.
Rosa tied the ribbon back around her neck and the signs of the firebird vanished. Then she sat on her bed, looking at her reflection once again.
"I hope this is what you wanted me to figure out, Mama," she said, putting her head on top of her fists.
She had changed, there was no doubting it, but she felt like it was a physical one only. She didn't feel any different than before. Still, the word "incomplete" that Morrigan had said kept bothering her, but she couldn't decide what that meant.
She felt like feeding the birds again, but when she got to the park, the usual cloud of birds wasn't there. Rosa rubbed her hands together as she looked around. True, it was a little later than she usually came, but there would at least be a blackbird stalking around for something to eat at this hour.
She looked up towards the sunset and saw great formations of birds flying across it. She was seized with the desire to see them closer, and ran past the park to the hills beyond the school grounds. It was getting dark by the time she got there, but she could still see them flying away.
Part of her was sad to see so many go, but she knew that this was just something that birds did and it was foolish to try to stop them. She sat down to watch.
The hills were bare, and everything was still. Gradually, Rosa noticed that part of her body was tense, as if expecting to do something. She got up and stretched.
Looking back up at the migrating birds, she had an idea. Maybe what she needed to be complete was to fly. She undid the ribbon around her neck while running down the hill.
A few seconds later her wings were flapping beside her. She slowly realized that she had no idea how flying worked, and that she was running out of hill. With a gasp, she leaped. She spent a precious moment in the air.
The next thing she knew her vision was all dirt and grass and she was yelping.
Despite her fall she was relatively unhurt, though she had dropped the ribbon sometime in the rush. Thankfully, it stood clear against the ground and easy to find. As she put it back on she looked for the birds again, but it was too dark to distinguish the various blacks in the sky.
For a few days Rosa tried to find the best way to flap her wings to gain altitude, but couldn't get off the ground. The only thing that seemed to happen was her skin getting darker, like she had gotten a tan. When she noticed this she stopped experimenting in case that was to blame, but it didn't stop. It was so alarming that she tried to cover herself as much as she could before she went out on her usual date with Nathan.
"Y'know, dove...it's not that cold out," he said when he saw her bundled up. "Aren't you hot in all that?"
"Not at all," Rosa lied.
Nathan leaned in to touch their foreheads together. "Liar...you're burning up."
Rosa flinched. "Hey -- don't come so fast like that, you scared me."
Nathan stood back and looked at her with a slightly sad expression. It made Rosa nervous. "You never had a problem with it before."
She tucked her chin, unable to find a response.
"Rosa, dove...you've been distant lately. What's the matter?"
Her body clenched when she heard that, and her face felt hot. "...What do you mean?"
Nathan scratched the back of his head. "It feels that way. Like you're pulling away, or you've changed."
Rosa opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't put words to what she wanted to explain.
"Maybe you need some time by yourself," Nathan flashed a smile and stepped back. Rosa quickly took a step of her own, bringing them closer together than before. Nathan's expression was both sad and confused.
"Rosa...?"
"Please," was all that Rosa could manage to say at first. "I'm sorry," seemed like the next appropriate thing to say.
"We can go out next week. No rush, right?"
It felt like Nathan was drifting away from her. The thought made her feel even hotter than before, all over her body, and her eyes stung.
"Do you...really think I've changed?"
Nathan hesitated. Rosa felt the tingling feeling that she had when there was fire on her skin.
"It's not necessarily a bad thi -- Rosa, Rosa! Your hair!"
"My what?" Rosa turned her head to look back, but it wasn't her hair, it was her back that was burning up. Wings.
Nathan was trying to pat the flames out with his sleeve, but that only seemed to make them larger. She pushed him away.
"Rosa!"
She could feel the skin on her arms and legs hardening, and a ticklish sensation all over the rest of her body. Through the flames she could see that there was down growing on her shoulders. The fire was hotter and more intense than anything she had ever experienced before...
"Go!" she shouted at him as he tried to approach, and tore off the shirts binding her wings down. With a laborous flap, she took off, and flew away. She couldn't tell where she was going through the flames, but she knew that she eventually crashed. And then she fell asleep or unconscious.
When Rosa got up, she was covered in a brittle layer of ash. It crumbled at her feet. After shaking the dust from her body, she looked at herself in the fading light. Her body was covered in a fine layer of crimson, gold, and white feathers, and her hands and feet had tough, noble scales on them.
It felt complete. At the same time, for some reason...she also felt closer to her mother in this way.
"You know, sugar, when I saw you all bundled up like that, I never would have expected that you were going to use those clothes as your funeral pyre."
Rosa turned to face the voice, and she saw that Robin was sitting a small distance away on some sort of platform. It took Rosa a moment to figure out that she was curling a tail underneath herself, and that the dark shapes behind her were probably wings of her own.
"Well, it wasn't frankincense and myrrh, but it burned, I guess."
"...I died?" Rosa asked slowly.
"Burnt to a crisp, like a pro," Robin nodded.
Rosa looked down at her hands, clenching and unclenching them. Then she looked around at where she was. She was a little ways away from the shore, on some of the rocks. Maybe she thought the seawater would help put out the fire, but couldn't get there in time. She couldn't remember what she was thinking.
She felt very light, and the feeling of the sea wind in her new feathers was livening.
"I'm sure the Master would love to see you, sugar," Robin said.
"You mean Morrigan?"
"Uh-huh. She could give you a place to stay, too. Unless you have plans."
Rosa smiled into the breeze. "No...that sounds wonderful."