Second Chances : Chapter 11
#2 of Ar
Authors note - Hey all I'm gonna make this short and sweet, thank you for reading and being amazing. Thankyou Sam softpaw for being my own little personal grammer nazi. Sorry this one is a little short but I ad to end it there. There is gay content, how did you read this far without knowing that? Rate, comment, fav, and most of all enjoy :D
In that moment I forgot everything I thought I knew. I forgot all 18 years of my past life because none of that was real. That part of my life no longer existed, the only thing that existed, all that was real was this one moment, this one kiss. Luke broke the kiss and all that new reality that had built up around me started to fade, slowly. It didn't come crashing down like I had expected, it didn't crush me under the weight of the disappointment of the kiss ending. It simply faded away into the background, almost as if it was silently waiting to be called on so it could rebuild itself in any moment. Such was the nature of the reality that Luke presented me with. Unable to speak for coping with the euphoria of the situation I just smiled as tear welled up in my eyes looking at Luke, both of us sitting in the gravel in our pitiful states just staring at each other.
After what seemed to be our own private eternity Luke broke the silence, "I guess we should be getting home, we do have school in the morning after all." Unable to bring myself to reply I just nodded and slowly stood up, a little wobbly on my legs after the emotionally charged situation that had just gone on. It was then I had realized that I still had Luke's keys still in my paw so with a slight blush and a small giggle I handed him his keys and his ears splayed out in a slightly embarrassed pose. He unlocked his car and we both got in, after turning the key in the ignition the clock came on, on his dashboard and read 11:23 in bright green block numbers.
"My parents are gonna be so pissed," I said bringing the mood back down to Earth. He let out a sigh and pulled out of the lot, we didn't even speak on the way home, both of us lost in thought. I wanted to date him so badly that it hurt, but I had to first find something I like about myself, it doesn't even have to be something big, or something too significant, just something that can win Luke over to accept me. It was about half-way through the trip when an idea popped into my head, 'what if it doesn't have to be something good about me? Maybe it could be just something that I find acceptable, or even enjoyable.' So I set into my new task of finding something I 'found enjoyable' about myself, hey everyone needs a starting point right? I mean I may get what Luke is trying to tell me but I'm not gonna change overnight. So this was where I was going to start, with this one thing I was going to discover tonight, the thing I found acceptable about myself.
We pulled up in front of the place serving as my living quarters and he stopped the car, killing the engine. I took a moment to take in the sight before me, Luke in all his glorious beauty and I can't think of something to tell him that will solidify us as a couple. How can I look straight into his beautiful eyes, his wonderfully blue eyes and tell him- wait. I stopped to let a grin creep up my face and he tilted his head with a puppy like innocence that just made my heart want to explode. "I like the colour of my fur," I said as matter-of-factly as possible, trying to pour every ounce of confidence I had into this one statement. I didn't lie, it was true that blue was my favourite colour and my fur was, in fact, blue. He didn't need to know that I didn't like how my fur was too dull, or that it had too many split ends, or that I didn't think my fur was very soft. He just wanted to know what I liked, and I like the colour blue, as it just so happens my fur is blue too.
A grin spread across his face like it was Christmas in well, I guess its November right now, and his eyes light up like little roman candles. I don't think there is a sight in the world that is more beautiful than the sight of Luke happy, not just happy ecstatic. "Do you really mean it?" he asked, like a kid who was just given a new bike for what seemed to be no good reason other than his parents wanted to give it to him.
"Yeah," I replied softly with that stupid grin plastered to my face, "blue is my favourite colour." I started giggling at this, it all sounded so ridiculous to me. Was I going to get the man of my dreams to date me? For what reason? For the simple reason that blue was my favourite colour and my fur, happened to be blue. He joined me in my fit of giggles and we started to feed off of each other's energy degrading into giggle frenzy at the front of the house I live in. After a few good moments passed and we recovered our wits I asked, "So what does this mean, for us?"
"Well I guess we can start by hanging out at school, and we'll go from there," he replied, taking a pause to let an evil grin across his face as he finished his sentence, "babe." Right there I could have died happy as he leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips and he wished me a good night. I walked into the building in a daze, completely lost in the feeling of having a person to love. Having a person to care for in every way, I thought about this as I went through my nightly routine.
OK I want to put in a little note right here. I want to say that I am extremely apprehensive to put this next part in, I did this for 5 years and it is something that scarred me permanently. If I hear of anyone getting this idea from my story and doing it because you're feeling a little sad, I will find you and we will need to have a little chat about how wonderful you are because I'm not letting this happen to anyone else.
I brushed my teeth, walked into my bedroom and sighed, no door meant no privacy but oh well, it's not like I was doing anything too conspicuous. My parents were asleep so who cares. I pulled it out, a notebook hidden beneath a false bottom in the drawer of my night stand entitled 'My Black Book'. I flipped open to the page I had left off at and pulled the pen out of the spiral binding and numbered 6,723 'I failed to get to class on time'; 6,724 'I failed to keep Luke happy'; 6,725 'I failed to keep a strong mind and cried'; 6,726 'I failed to walk home properly'; 6,727 'I continue to fail at curing myself of homosexuality'. 'There,' I said to myself, 'my nightly 6,' as I marked the page and flipped to the front of the book and started to read from the beginning 'I have made this record to remind myself of the many failures I incur every day, I herby swear to never forget that I have failed in the most unimaginable way possible, I have failed at being a person. A person is only a person if they achieve, if they don't fail and I have met neither requirement. So until the day I can say that I have not failed I am therefore not a person, I am less than any being alive and am reminded everyday by the presence of this record started August 13, 2007.' 1 'I have failed to achieve anything'; I continued to read my past failures, as I have every night for the past 3 years and continued to read until I cried myself to sleep. Hoping to escape to dreams of Luke