FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Sunlight filtering in through the living room windows manages to wake me up shortly before my phone alarm would have. I have to say, even though Clover and I were definitely right that the couch isn't big enough for two people to sleep on, its soft cushions make for a comfortable slumber for one. We didn't talk much after the events of last night; I couldn't bring myself to prepare dinner, so I grabbed some leftovers, and Clover did the same, soon retreating to our room again. Intruding on her work space, after all that... it felt wrong. So I stayed up here, my little stuffed lamb keeping me company through the evening.

Despite everything, though, it's still a work day. I don't have time to be lounging around, and I could use the daily grind to distract myself from all that's happened. Therefore, the easy choice for what to handle next is breakfast. Within the next couple minutes, I've already got eggs being whisked with some mushrooms and a bell pepper out. Omelettes rather than the casserole this time, but mostly because I'd like to keep my time here brief. I'd rather not disturb Clover while I presume she's still recovering from her spiral, considering how much worse I made it. Best not to focus on that for now, Bonnie, just get everything mixed together in the frying pan and work from there. Just relax...

One omelette folded over and plated, with the other well on its way in this serene state, it comes as a surprise to feel my left ear twitch, noticing the sound of hesitant footsteps coming through the living room. There's only one possibility there, I know it. A quick glance away from my efforts, and I've confirmed that yes, it really is her. That cream-coloured fur and pale blonde hair have imprinted themselves upon my mind, giving a sort of comforting feeling just from seeing her again, despite the nerves and exhaustion weighing on her at the moment.

"Ah... good morning, Clover."

"Y-Yeah. Morning, Bonnie." She seems nervous about approaching, keeping her legs close together and her tail mostly still, but I can tell my cooking is having its usual effect on her, so there's some conflicting priorities there. It's hard to get a read on what exactly she's feeling at the moment. Is she upset at me for last night, or upset at herself? Perhaps both? Ohhhh, I really hope not both. I'd prefer neither, but... there's little avoiding this being an issue. The best I can do is try to make up for it while I'm here, letting things regain some everyday leisure.

"Please, help yourself, hun. I'm almost done with the second one, anyway."

"Oh, uh... sure. Thank you. For all of this." Finally allowing her legs to inch forward towards the plate, she takes it and heads to the table. At the very least, I suppose she doesn't feel awkward enough about it to retreat to our room yet again. That's good... that's really good. Maybe I can gently nudge this a bit once I'm ready to join her.

A bit of seasoning, a beautiful fold, and the stove safely shut off. That's all I need to allow myself to join her at the table, picking at my own helping for this morning. I can almost see the warmth from the meal spreading through her as she chews, even forming a small smile at the edges. Oh, Clover... the sorts of reactions I can get from appealing to your taste buds are always so endearing to me. Even with the speed bumps we've run into, I wouldn't trade this for the world.

"So... up a bit earlier than usual?"

"Couldn't sleep. Besides, Bonnie, your schedule's rubbing off on me regardless. It's... really nice, seeing you before you have to leave for the day. Stuck at work." The smile from earlier is fading a bit, one of her ears twitching along with her whiskers. Oh dear. Please don't tell me that's what I think it means...

"Clover... are they still running you ragged today?"

"A-Ah, well... yeah. It should be over soon, for now. Until then, though, you... should probably avoid coming downstairs. I don't want to do or say something I'll regret."

"...alright, then. I'll keep that in mind, hun." So she really is more upset with herself than anything. And I'm somewhat to blame for that, I'm sure. At least... I think I am. She'd gotten herself in a funk on her own, but there's no way it was that bad before I prodded her, right...? Ohh, I'll have to think of something. Some way to work around her logic, maybe, but who knows what that could be. It'll take all day to come up with, but then again, I DO have all day. Work's a blessing, sometimes, despite the occasional headache.

The meal passes by in a haze after that. While getting the dishes cleaned up, I double-check my phone; sure enough, I should get going. More time than yesterday, at least, so there's no need to rush. As I'm getting my purse and shoes, though, there's one last interruption.

"Bonnie?"

"Hm? Yes, dear? Something I'm forgetting?"

"Oh, no, I just mean- ...haaah. I love you. I-Is what I meant to say. And thanks again, for everything. I mean it."

"...I love you too, Clover. And believe me, it's no trouble being here for you. If you take anything from this, let it be that." Hehee, there we go. That bright blush always looks adorable on her. Now, however, it's time to go. Another day, another hustle through the workplace grind.

* *

Haaaaah... it's strange to say, but despite being dragged around the office at every turn, I don't feel the stress getting to me. Just kind of bubbly, thinking of all sorts of things. Wishes for the future, hopes and dreams. ...though, perhaps I'm letting the pills remind me too vividly of what I need to speak with Clover about; even with the meds working their hardest, I feel the teeniest bit out of sorts. Perhaps that's what this pleasant feeling stems from. Whatever its origins, it's kept me going at top speed all the way until my lunch break, so it can't be all bad.

Heading to the break room like usual, I notice a familiar face as I turn the corner, one of orange and black. Though, as I open the fridge to retrieve the leftover pasta salad I'll be having, I have to wonder if Kylie's feeling better after Jill delivered the news to her. The knowledge that everything's going mostly fine and that she doesn't have to worry about us should be a comfort, though... that's assuming that was the problem in the first place. If she'd just open up...

"Just another salad from the coffee shop, Kylie?" Oh, my... she jolted in her seat. Guess she really hadn't noticed me. Or maybe something's still weighing on her. Hm.

"O-Oh, Bone? Yeah, just a- it's plain an' all, but it's reliable and doesn't break the bank or anything. I'm not much of a chef, ya know?"

"Mmm, fair enough. Though, you're always welcome at our place during the week for dinner, at least. ...maybe not tonight, though, Clover's under some pressure from work."

"Ah yeah... Clover, she's not really the best during a crunch. Sad to say she picked a pretty rough career, with that bein' the case, but it's not like we can keep her from that passion of hers. You doin' alright with that, Bone?" Much as she's trying to be casual about the conversation, her legs are pressing together and her front teeth may just bore a hole in her bottom lip if she's not careful with that tense expression. Well, that just won't do. Best to reassure her, chase those feelings away.

"I'd say it's going wonderfully, Kylie. Her work's just bleeding into our time at home for now, but that should be over with soon. I've been trying to think of something I can do for her in the meantime, but failing that, I'd rather not make it worse by mistake. You shouldn't have to worry about a thing with us, I assure you."

"...mkay. That's... nice to hear, I'll admit. Lemme know if the two of ya need anything, though. I'm always here, Bone. Always have been, always will be. Make sure you have the time of your life with her, got it?"

"Oh, I have been, believe me, she's... w-well, she's been amazing, let's leave it at that. Oh my." Best not to go into detail there, even if it's Kylie. Clover's been no less spontaneous and... a-and ravenous, ever since the day I moved in. It's been like when I did the same with Penn, all over again, if a bit more carnal than it was with him. And it wasn't lacking that in the slightest back then, so... hehee, what a ride it's been~

"She better be! Nothin' less for ya, Bone, you deserve it. ...though, do I hafta remind you to actually EAT your lunch, again? Break ain't that long, ya know."

"Oh! Right, right... thank you, again." For as much progress as I'd like to think the conversation made, it's not enough for Kylie to take her own advice. Though she's steadily making her way through what remains of the salad, her movements are wavering, undecided on a direction. Considering how quickly I have to be back at this point, though, I'm just going to have to hope she can finish by the time she returns. Whatever's still bothering her, maybe she'll open up to Jill now that we've broached the topic.

Fantasies and what-ifs of that nature run wild in my head all through the final hours of the work day. Wishes for her burdens to be lifted. Visions of tender comfort with Jill as she basks in the aftermath of confiding in her. My imagination's lacking in the actual conversations leading up to it, though... it's hard to have material to work with when Kylie's kept this issue so guarded. At least it helped pass the time much better than work alone ever could.

Though, if it's the end of the work day, considering I've not come up with anything for Clover... there's one person I could talk to. Got an offer from her quite recently, in fact. I'm sure she's got to still be here, gathering up supplies and designs from the design team takes a few minutes and she lingers, anyway. All I have to do is make my way to her general work area, and I should-

"Cashing in that offer so soon, dear? Or did you just come to say hi? I'm not opposed to the latter any time, you know!"

"Oh! Well... yes, Charlotte. It's not about Kylie, but I do need to talk to you. I'm tapped for ideas on this one."

"...hm. However eager either of us may be to begin, I don't think you're asking about the sort of matter you'd like the rest of the building to be privy to, dear. To your office, then we talk."

"Well... you're not wrong there. So be it." It's amazing what a closed door can do for the candor of a conversation. Even if there's windows, it hardly matters so long as no one can hear us. Just a friendly work talk, for all anyone milling about knows.

"Alright then, Bonnie dear, what sort of issue would have you seek out someone of my talents? My advice can be pretty limited outside of matchmaking, save for a few specific topics, you see."

"Well, er... how do I put this..." Dissonance; though she's trying to temper my expectations, she carries herself with perfect posture, staring me down with a curious smile across her muzzle. Ears are even twitching a bit. What's she expecting here?

"I... messed up. Clover's been under a lot of stress from her recent workload, and I usually don't get home in time to see her working, but it's become rather clear that she doesn't... handle stress well. It spirals. She looks dead inside after a while, but before that, she's enraged enough to do who-knows-what, her desk has plenty of battle scars to prove it. And I-"

"Thought you just had to do something, and everything got worse?"

"H-Huh? Yes, but... Charlotte, how did you-"

"Ah-ah-ah, dear. Let's just say you've stumbled upon a topic of choice for me. No more than that." What all has Charlotte been through...? That confidence from before is no less apparent, but it's more... subdued, now. Carrying some reverence to the situation. It's as disarming as yesterday, seeing her drop the energetic mannerisms from her presentation.

"Now then, as for how best to handle it... I know how your type approaches this. Caring and considerate, but nevertheless disruptive. That assertiveness is helpful in quite a few situations, believe me, but it's not gonna mean a damn thing when rationality is out the window. There's no logic in that sort of self-destructive mental spiral, or at least no logic that doesn't stoke the feeling further. She's clearly lived with it before she met you, Bonnie, so she has her ways of eventually breaking out of it..."

"So what, I'm just... just supposed to let her suffer through that, all alone?!"

"Let me finish, dear. Now, that's not to say this is okay for her to keep dealing with forever. She needs help, serious help, and I hate to break it to you, but you're not going to be the one to give it to her. That'll take convincing her to seek therapy later down the line, which I'd hope would be a more attractive prospect to her with two incomes in the house, for whatever the insurance isn't going to cover. As for the here and now, however? Give her space. Let her work through her methods. She'll find her footing, but there ARE some ways you can help that along. Ways that I believe you're the type to be well-practiced in."

"Okay, but what is all that? What am I supposed to do?"

"That's simple: be there for her. Be you, the partner she's become so taken with, who she takes comfort in. She may not be ready to be near you when she's still spiraling, but afterwards? I bet you anything that she'll not just want those comforts, she'll almost need them. The knowledge that her ray of sunshine is still there, waiting for her, no matter how bad it gets or what she thinks of herself as a result. Am I making myself clear, Bonnie?"

"...ah. Yes, I- I think so. I just feel a bit silly, is all."

"We all do, from time to time. There's no shame in it. Just be glad someone who already knew the answer was ready to teach you. Cuts down on a lot of pain and wasted time, I must say..."

"I hope that'll be the case. Thank you so much, Charlotte. For all of this."

"Not a problem, dear. And remember, I'm always here. For anything else that may happen, too... another day, maybe. I'll look forward to it, should you need it. Though with that said, I think it's time I headed out. You, as well. You've got someone in need waiting for you at home."

"O-Oh, have... have we been talking for that long? Take care, then, and a safe journey home."

"You as well, Bonnie dear. Farewell." As she takes her leave of my office, I reach for my purse, checking that everything's inside. With that, I can begin the trip home myself. Still, though, I've been more than a bit foolish. Looking back on it, Clover gave me the answer I just got, just not as detailed. Maybe she really does have this handled, at least for now. I'll need to push her towards a more permanent solution another time, when she's less likely to brush off attempts to help. For now, though, it's best I focus on continuing my journey home, thoughts wandering idly to how I'll spend my evening working towards helping her. No matter how small the gesture, I need to do my best; she deserves it, and seeing that smile return even a second sooner will make everything worth it.

After yet another bus ride, I'm home once again. And just as Clover said, she's not upstairs today. Still in the last day or two of those deadlines, meaning I shouldn't disturb her. Charlotte's advice, though... I can make use of that. Step one, in my mind, is going to involve a bit of a disturbance, but I'll keep it short this time. The message needs to get across; nothing more, nothing less.

A trip downstairs much like yesterday, and I know what needs to be done. Turning the doorknob, careful not to make much noise, I take a peek inside. Sure enough, Clover's hunched over in her chair, one hand to her head and the other bracing against the desk. I'd guess there'll be a fresh claw mark there by the end of the night. Regardless...

"Clover?"

"Huh?! Oh, Bonnie...? W-What is it? I'm kinda... well. Yeah." Awww. For as much frustration as I'd bet she has pent up, like last night, I can see her trying to keep her tail movements relaxed and her posture corrected. Don't worry, silly, I won't be here long... you can drop the nerve-wracking facade soon.

"Nothing much. I just wanted to let you know I'm home. I'll be upstairs if you need anything, okay, hun?"

"O-Oh. Okay... okay then. Thank you, angel. Really." Hehee... nice to see I've drawn a smile from her, no matter how weak it is against the emotional onslaught she's going through. With a nod and a warm smile of my own, I close the door again, returning her privacy.

While that was a good first step, I still need to stick the landing. Only the best for her... so of course, up to the kitchen I go. A few various vegetables, a couple of eggs, and some pre-cooked rice I'd prepared in advance a couple days ago are all awaiting me in the fridge. It'll be a simple matter of some prep for the veggies and eggs, then gathering up the seasonings and oil while the pan works its way up to an intense heat. After a hot minute, check it with a bead of water, aaaand... perfect. Steamed on contact.

After that, it's a matter of tossing it all together, searing the mixture 'til it achieves that gentle brown color I know and love. Just like our first night together, even if not the exact recipe. The aftermath in the kitchen can wait; what's most important right now is getting this plated, ready to eat. After making sure there's plenty in the bowl, I drape a clean dishcloth over the top. Who knows when she'll actually make herself eat something, so it needs to be as fresh as I can keep it. All that's left is a spare bottle of water from the fridge, and it's time to make my delivery.

Once more, I arrive in the basement. This time, though, I'll be leaving Clover to her devices. Apparently, the rental came with a freezer chest kept down here, right near our room. I'm sure it's held many a frozen treat for when she's feeling down, including some I've been lucky enough to partake in, but for now, all it needs to do is serve as an altar for my humble offering. Setting the food and water on top of the lid, I finish the job by flicking on the small overhead light above the freezer. It'd be pretty hard to miss that if she wandered out for something to eat. ...hehee, ohhhhh, even my tail's getting all excited at the thought of her finding this here, knowing who's looking out for her during this ordeal. I'd best head upstairs quickly, though, in case she notices the light creeping beneath her door somehow.

Dishes cleaned, leftovers stashed, and a warm bowl of fried rice awaits me. Not a moment too soon, either, I managed to make myself hungry from the smell alone, my nose twitching at that savory aroma. At least I can confirm to myself that I have nothing to worry about in regards to the taste; everything came together beautifully, building off of Clover's initial efforts from back then. If there's one thing I can say for sure I excel at, it's refining a recipe like this over time, to exquisite results.

That taken care of, though, I don't have much to occupy myself the rest of the night. I could pull up a match or two of our game on my laptop for once, but who knows when Clover will need me tonight. I don't want to be stuck in a match when she arrives. Mm... perhaps I'll watch videos of it instead, learn some new tricks. Maybe see someone pull off a ridiculously rare setup. All while my little lamb keeps me company once more~

Who knows how many hours have passed. It's so easy to just relax against the cushions, stretch my legs, and fall deep down the rabbit hole of new knowledge about and silly content of a game you're into. Every day I indulge this new hobby, I come to understand a bit more of what makes Clover's passion tick. I may just become as much of an enthusiast as she is eventually, assuming that's even possible. At a bare minimum, she's sure to have someone she can ramble to about these things for years to come. I'll make sure of that.

...even through the sound effects playing from my phone, though, there's no mistaking what I'm hearing now. Right ear, one twitch. Left ear, two, even if it's pressed into the couch a bit. Steps, cushioned by the carpeting. A glance to the window reveals it's grown dark, so it must be at least past... eight, I want to say? Readjusting for the changing seasons makes this method of tracking time rough, I must say. Should've bothered to check my phone clock at some point. Regardless, another sound is mixed in with the steps, and it's a sort of gentle yet abrasive scrape, plus a bit of clinking. Finally seeing my pretty kitty come into view, it's obviously the empty bowl and spoon she's carrying, the spoon sliding all over as she walks. Her gait looks dazed, and the exhaustion's affecting her posture, but she seems much less frustrated now. Like a weight's been lifted, and... and she's recovering. Oooooh, here's hoping...!

The telltale sounds of dishes being laid in the sink, followed by running water for a few seconds, keep me in suspense. I just... I NEED to know how she's feeling after all that. To know whether she's managed to work through it for now. To know whether or not she's ready for more personal comforts, amidst that drained feeling. As she walks over, shaky from her fatigue, she's still staring off towards the hallway... but she stops. Right by the couch, her eyes wandering toward me as her tail follows suit, gently brushing against the arm holding up my phone. Even I can take a hint that blatant; I make a conscious effort to keep my tail from going all over the place as I press myself further into the rear cushions, setting my phone aside, and making just enough space for her to cling to me, if she so chooses. And choose it she does, practically falling into place, weakly draping her arm over me. That's it, kitty...

"Work wrapped up alright, Clover?"

"It... wrapped, at least. Finally. No more. Back to the plain ol' grind after this. No more stealing our evenings away. You don't- you don't deserve that, I-I just..."

"Shhhhh... I'm right here, hun. And I'm not going anywhere. Not while I still love you, and you'll have a hell of a time trying to change that. You're stuck with me, I think~" Ahhh... the feeling of finally being able to give her this soothing embrace is like nothing else. She's even offering affectionate nuzzles, despite her body being so weary. Her mind, at least, seems up to speed, though speaking is another matter.

"Sometimes... sometimes, I wonder... what in the hell did I do to deserve you, Bonnie? This whole thing, like, the rice, the- the everything. You've been wonderful. Makes me wanna be more for you. More... just, more."

"You're a joy as you are, hun, and what you did to deserve it? Do I need to remind you of our first night, and all the ones afterward? Even to some drunk woman you barely knew... so sweet. So perfect. Even through the haze, I remember it. Every second of that feeling."

"Hah, hehe... well, I did promise, I-I guess."

"...hm? What do you mean, Clover? A promise?"

"Wait, you don't- ah, right. Plastered. Well, uh... let's just say..." Letting the words spill forth, her draped arm finds new strength, dragging itself up my body, her hand coming to rest on my cheek with that firm, soothing grip. The same as back then, with added boldness in its choice of location.

"...that I remembered. I remembered 'little old Bone,' heh. From day one. Like I could ever forget you, my... my little angel~"

"W-Wait, that's- THAT'S when you first called me that, I, I just- ...oh god." I'm... fairly certain the heat emanating from my face could keep this house warm in the winter on its own. Ohhhhh dear... I said something that silly, that embarrassing? Alongside who-knows-what else? Hnnnnn-

"That night just keeps on giving, it seems. I had to remind myself so often that there were lines... lines I shouldn't cross while comforting you. I'd have laid right here, like this, all night... no matter how cramped it was, if I could've. Good riddance to those limits, heh..."

"Hehee, y-yeah... no matter how we got here, it's all... I wouldn't trade it for anything, Clover. I love you so much..."

"Love you too, 'Bone.' And don't worry, I'll give ya a rundown of that whole night some other time. I'm sure it'll make a great story, heh!"

"O-Oh, you...! Hmhm~" And like that, I'm wrapped around her tight, the two of us just pressing against each other. It's always a pleasure to get to feel that silky-smooth hair, too; hopefully I didn't mention that bit out loud back then. ...oh god, she's gonna have so much to tease me with by the time that story's over, huh?

Come to think of it, there was something else I had planned to discuss with her. Something that had occupied most any free space in my mind, until the night I discovered her spiral. With the two of us like this, maybe, just maybe... I can make something work here.

"Um... Clover? Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"What, about that night? Fire away."

"No, no no, it's just- I had something I wanted to talk about. Something I really should've addressed when we first sorted everything out about our situation." The embrace loosens a bit, on both ends. Now, with the two of us pulled away slightly, I can look her in the face when I make my desires known. If only I could guess how she'll take it...

"Alright. Spill it. What's eating at you, Bonnie?"

"Okay. I... well, just to be clear, this wouldn't be like an immediate, do-it-now kind of thing, just- just planning ahead, and all that, I'm not completely nuts over this, and I... I'd really like to keep what we have here for a while longer, before any changes like that."

"Hm? What're you...?"

This is it. Just a few words. I can do this. The worst she can say is no. I should be able to live with that, even if she's not up for it, right? I-I should, right...? Oh god... even still, I can't know how she feels without asking. So that's why...

"Clover, I-I need to ask you... what do you think about being a parent?"