Clarity - Chapter 18: Through the Cracks
#19 of Clarity
Clover, still reeling from Bonnie's big question, seeks the counsel of a close friend. What she finds herself tapping into may be more than she bargained for, though...
Hoooo boy. Here we go. This one's a bit heavy. Got some opinions to check and double-check whether this would fall under Adult, but ultimately settled on Clean with feedback and fair warning in the tags. To be specific, this chapter contains a character recounting an event in their past, one that falls under a couple of the tags I've applied, one that necessitates a warning. It's low-detail and doesn't get into the points that would push it over the edge to Adult, so hopefully people aren't too caught off-guard by that. So... yeah. Reader discretion is advised, to be clear.
In my addled state, I'm unsure I heard any of that correctly. The stammering, the qualifiers, the overzealous care in the process of trying to present it as neutrally as possible, all of it must have jumbled together in a bowl of word salad. I know what I THINK I heard, but that's- am I going insane?
"...s-say again, Bonnie?"
"A parent, Clover. You and I, raising a child. I want to know what you think of the idea. I-I mean what I said though, that's not a 'now' thing, I'm not THAT nuts!" Oh. Okay. So I misheard zero words in that presentation. Good to know. ...WHAT?!
"You're... y-you're not kidding at all, are you, hun? That's... a lot to take in."
"I know, and I know I should've brought it up before, I KNOW that, I just- I just... I was just scared... I wanted what I could see right there, to hell with anything else that could risk it. But I was wrong. What I want isn't going away. It's getting stronger, even, with every blissful day of partnership spent here."
"And what you really want is a... a child? Bonnie, that's, I-I..." What the hell am I supposed to do here? This was the absolute last thing I ever expected to come up, I mean, for fuck's sake, I'm a damn lesbian! I get that it's far from out of the question for parenthood to be a next step for someone like me with all the options available nowadays, but it's not exactly the kind of thing I prepared an answer for; I never thought of it as a given to be addressed soon into the relationship like with opposite sex pairings, even with... someone like me. Haaaah, please don't let it go there...
"I've wanted that for a while, yes, Clover. The only reason Penn and I hadn't tried yet is because of the mortgage hanging over our heads. I hated waiting at the time, but in retrospect, it's a good thing I didn't rush into it, especially with how it all played out. So... I don't want to rush here, either, no matter how much it aches. I know this is sudden, but... I hope, no matter how you feel, you can take comfort in that."
"Well, yeah, I'm glad for that part, but... seriously, Bonnie. This is a lot to unpack. Mental luggage I didn't know I had. I'm not gonna have a definite answer for you right away, you know that, right?"
"And that's okay, hun. I can wait a while longer. I just want to know eventually. I need to... so think it through as much as you need, for both of us, okay?"
"Hooooo... I can promise you that, at least. C'mere, angel..." At last. Back to our embrace, feeling the fluff of her fur against my own. I could get lost in that sea of light brown, white, and grayish hues. Especially on a night like tonight... no energy, no responsibilities left, just a blissful haze with my-
"Oh, u-um... one last thing. Before we drop it for a while."
"Ah... yeah, Bonnie?" Please don't. Please don't be what I think it is. I don't need to think about that tonight...
"I skipped this one question during our little interview the night I learned more about you. I know, it was supposed to be no-holds-barred for questions, but I... I would've been too embarrassed to even ask about how you felt about surgery, if you hadn't offered that answer. And this one's right up there."
"Haaaah, I can guess, so... let's get it out of the way, okay, angel?"
"O-Okay, I... oooh, Clover, how does... how does your medicine affect your- your, um... fertility...?" Dammit. Goddammit. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, I just- aaaaaaaagh!
"...not great. No testosterone means minimal swimmers, and their means of transport is... well, you've felt it. It's barely there. Good luck getting any of them where they need to go when it's thinner than cough syrup. I've checked before, I could fix that temporarily by going off my meds. ...for six months straight. Which would suck for everyone involved." Word it carefully, Clover. Don't make it sound like the only option, you sure as hell don't want to lie to her, but... getting her hopes up would be dangerous now. ...no, not dangerous, who am I kidding? Just scary. Terrifying, even.
"C-Clover, I... no. I'm not putting you through that. It has to be something else if you decide to go through with this... I don't want to hurt you like that..."
"Heh... thank you, angel. I'm sure my own thoughts on it aren't as set in stone as others, but you gotta admit, I probably wouldn't have gone through with all this if I had any desire to be on that side of the biology there. Make sense?"
"Oh... oh yeah. Huh. I guess I do feel a little silly, hehee... but that's enough of that for tonight. No more worrying, you. Shelve it, because I know a much more comfortable place for you to pass out in my arms~"
"Ahhhh, I thought you'd never ask. Lead the way, then!" Okay... that's been dodged for now. Just gonna go to bed, both of us, and forget about it all for now. Tomorrow, though... tomorrow's different. Even as the door opens and we collapse in bed, holding each other close beneath the blankets, I know I have to do something tomorrow. Bonnie'll want an answer sooner rather than later. And... I don't know how to tell her of what may be our best option. Hell, I didn't even want to have that option, my parents insisted. At least they're paying for the damn thing, I guess. Besides, I have no idea how to feel about being a parent. The concept just keeps bouncing around my head like it's being passed off, delegated to any other position in my brain so nobody up there has to give me a clear answer; I can't figure this all out on my own, not right now. There's only one thing to do, then:
I need to have a long talk with a certain diminutive charmer tomorrow.
* *
For as much as I can make the day pass quickly with very little work on my plate and plenty of practice in our game to catch up with, it's hard to focus. My thoughts are desperate for some sort of distraction, marvelling at every shiny new detail and recollection they can find, but they always find their way back to our talk from yesterday. To every way I could screw that up, whether or not I say yes. Why should I be confident I'll make a good mother? Bonnie would, there's no doubt in my mind, but that's one parent of two. Leaving her to do that on her own would be cruel, both to her and the child. The relationship would barely survive, if that, but on the other hand, not agreeing to this at all would hurt her just the same, so... so what the hell do I do?
In search of that answer, I set down the pen I've just finished scribbling on a piece of scrap paper with... a note for Bonnie. I'll be out seeing Ky for a few hours, just catching up on stuff after the crunch. Hopefully the timing's not too obvious, but hey, it's a reasonable excuse. There's no one else I'd rather trust with this, and that sentiment guides my fingers through my contacts list to my lifeline. Barely a ring or two, and there she is.
"Clover? What's up?"
"Hey Ky, I was just... I kinda need to talk."
"...you know we're talkin' right now, yeah?"
"In person, Ky. This is too important for that, I-" I'm cut off by a crashing sound. Nothing sounds broken, but it sounded a decent ways away. Hmm...
"Uhhh, Ky? Where are you right now?"
"Gah, Jill, you really gotta get your pans under control, I mean, those are YOUR shelves, and they've still gone an' made a full-scale avalanche of metal! ...what was that, Clover?"
"Nevermind, that answers that pretty handily. Just stay right there, I've been in the area before."
"Huh? Clover, what're you-"
"See you then, charmer." Abrupt, but it gets the job done. It's times like these that I'm glad Jill lives pretty close to Ky, as it's gotten me dragged there on the occasional visit before in the past few weeks. It's refreshing, having those in-person moments be more frequent than just the pub nowadays.
One bus ride to Ky's stop, and all that's left is a leisurely stroll through one of the middling-density areas of the city. Plenty of buildings, but not to the point of choking everything out like where the office spaces get put. Still some areas for the occasional set of trees or bushes, maybe a flower bed. Even a graffiti alleyway, heh. Haven't seen who's responsible for it, but I'm sure at least a couple of the teens and twenty-somethings that loiter around there chatting would be more than willing to claim credit for a drawing or three. Especially the ferret girl with a heavy satchel bag and a dark hoodie doing its best to cover up a pair of neon pink and lavender stains on the side of her face.
Besides that, the other thing that catches my eye is the café that signals I'm getting close to Jill's apartment. I wouldn't consider it anything special, but that mundane quality to it belies the food it serves, save for the salad Ky settles for as her work lunches. Plus, the low traffic makes it perfect for the void gal to focus on her drawings out in the fresh air. A change of scenery can do you some good, I think. ...if only my PC and the myriad development tools on it were more amenable to the idea of being lugged around, eh?
That reminder of the pair's common ground behind me, it's not long before I reach the apartment building. Tension winds itself up in my stomach, mirroring the circular climb up the stairs. I'm... really gonna drop this on her, aren't I? Far too late to back out now, too much effort and travel. Sunk-cost fallacy's good for something, I'd say. Knocking on the door, it opens, and I'm treated to quite the scene: the charmer of a bun in the doorway, nervously glancing back at Jill doing her best to push her kitchen cupboards closed, with only a pan or two left out. ...I get the feeling those pans will be back on the floor within a week.
"Oh, uh... hey, Clover. You were serious, huh?"
"Dead serious, Ky. I need to talk. ...assuming your 'shining star' over there isn't about to get a concussion from her own kitchen." The both of us glance over, noticing Jill putting the finishing touches on shutting the doors. A steady retreat, hands forward to catch it if it moves again... and we get the thumbs-up alongside a nervous smile, assured that it's over with. For now. What a mess.
"Yeah, she'll be juuuust fine. So, come on in, make yourself at home, kitty!"
"Thank you for this. I'm... really not sure how long I'll be here." Leaving my shoes at the door, I take note of her ears drooping just enough to notice. I doubt she has any inkling of what I've been told, but we'll see. For now, I can let the plush cushions do some work of uncoiling that knot in my chest. Seems Ky's thinking the same as she takes the seat next to me, keeping her posture tight.
"Alright, start spillin', what's up?"
"Well, I, uh... Bonnie and I talked last night. And it turns out there's something else she wants down the line."
"...kids, huh?"
"Wh- Ky, how'd you-"
"Clover. I knew Bone for years. She was already gettin' into the mentality of that sorta thing, even back then. Goin' nuts over little pups and kittens, especially when their parents needed a bit of help, like a place for feeding 'em or something. Not a doubt in my mind she's after that feeling of her own, hell, she's 28. A decade at minimum she's wanted this, Clover. So what's your baggage with it?"
"Well, uh. That... yeah. A-Anyways, I just... never thought about it. Before getting my meds, I just flat-out didn't want it. Now? I feel weirdly neutral. Like... the baggage is gone, but I never had to think about the possibility. So I'm blank. But if I don't do it, I-I... even if I don't lose her, a nagging feeling's gonna haunt her. Like she's lost something precious."
"So, do it. What else?" I blink a few times, feeling my tail go stiff and my ears tilt upward. Ky, on the other hand, has removed herself from her seat, choosing instead to pace around, barely keeping eye contact. Checking behind me, Jill's keeping her distance, her gaze locked on Ky. What the hell just happened?
"Ky, no, I just- how the hell am I supposed to be a mother? That kid deserves two parents, that includes me. Going through with the idea and being terrible at it would be even worse for us than not doing it at all!"
"So do. Better. Do the research. Do I gotta say more?"
"W-What the hell, Ky...?" Her pacing has stopped, replaced with tensing her digits, occasionally making balled fists. Whatever the hell kind of nerve I pressed, it's getting pressed hard, and I've got zero clue why.
"I said do the research. Figure it out. You'll have the basics down by the time she wants it for real. Get your head in the game, so you can keep whatcha got with her. You got it, so keep it, no matter what."
"I, t-that's- it's not that easy, Ky, no matter what, I'm some kind of failure. Either I can't give her kids, or I can't raise them with her. I couldn't even bring myself to tell her that... that I've actually got proper swimmers on ice from before my meds. Parents made me opt into it. Ky, I was too scared to give her that hope! All of it, just one big reminder of what she gave up, someone who could give her that, no weird complications, probably more prepared to be a parent than I ever was! What good am I if I can't give her that, when Penn was ready to go the moment they were debt-free?!"
"U-Um, Miss Clover, maybe you should- ...o-oh." The warning fades in delivery, as I look again to where Ky's locked herself in place. She's not saying a thing. Her ears drooping to the sides, her fists shaking to the point of her entire arms quivering, her head hanging down. All of that, and yet, what I'm most concerned with is a single thing:
Her tail is flailing out of control, as much as a tiny tuft of a tail can, at any rate.
I'm screwed.
"...ya know what, Clover?" As she turns to face me, her steps heavy with a final stomp against the floor, the tension snaps her gaze to mine in one fluid motion. Ears raised and pivoted right at me, I've become her sole focus, and there's few things I'd like less than that right now.
"No, K-Kylie, please, she doesn't-" A raised hand, followed by complete silence. She didn't even turn to look at Jill. Any hope I had of backup in this situation has been dashed.
"You don't seem to get it. Burden, compromise? Those'll always be around. Nothin'll keep you from that, not if you're gonna do all you can to keep ahold of whatcha got. So WHAT if you're not ready?! You're gonna have to be, or it all goes poof! Do you have any idea what you'd be tossin' aside if you just let go at this point?!"
"Ky, I..." Those eyes could sear the fur off my skin. Every word is pointed in such a way that each one is its own accusation, but... what the hell am I being accused of? What's with the single-minded drive on this topic...?
"Oh what, would it hurt less if you were her first? Wipe away that history of a ready partner? News flash, ya can't do anything about that, either! That nagging feeling of what you could come up short on? It's here to stay. So take whatcha got, hold on for dear life, and never. EVER. Let go. If that means flyin' by the seat of your pants on this parenting thing? That's your only choice."
"...you seriously think I just have to live with that? Like carrying that weight is all I can do, feeling that ache for years to come?"
"Aww, you wanna talk pain? Scared of a few years of adjustment and a few more of just worrying over how you're doin'? Rookie numbers, kitty. Ya know how long I've been carrying my own weight, holdin' onto what I've got, no matter how much it hurts? Ten years. Ten goddamn years. It never goes away, so you learn to live with it. That's all you can do. Hold on tight, never risk it, keep what little you've scraped together. Doesn't matter if you could risk it for something better, nothin' can be worth the chance of losing it. So you keep it. Even if it means keeping distance, which hurts even more. But hey, look at me! I'm still here! Still fuckin' here, weight and all, so why don'tcha just get over it and do what it takes to keep her happy, to keep what you stumbled into?!" I mean... I get that I could do with a bit of sucking it up and seeing what happens. The idea that maybe I'd do better than I think. This, though? There's more here. Lots more.
Ky... all that, and it took this long for you to admit it? I thought I was closer than that, but knowing you, I'm not sure there's anyone you'd tell willingly. That bunny, always bottling it up, putting on a brave face... but those cracks in the facade are telling me more than enough. Enough to know what I need to do.
"What?! You got nothin' to say, Clover?!"
"...Ky. You said you've held onto that pain for ten years?"
"Yeah, so what?!" This is it. My one chance. A deep breath, relaxing my body, letting what little tension remains go toward my posture as I sit upright for the coming storm. Let the conviction show on your face, not an ounce of hesitation in what needs to be said.
"Ky, you're 28. Ten years would put you at the tailend of high school, maybe a bit after. You could brush that off as some crush you never saw again, but there's two things wrong with that. One, you're obsessed with this idea of keeping what you already have, so it'd have to be a relationship you didn't break off entirely."
"W-Wait, what're you-" She's taken a step back. The anger is faltering, that puffball of a tail stilling itself. I'm on the right track, and she knows it. Sorry to corner you like this, Ky, but...
"As for the second thing... Bonnie's told me about your time in high school. And she was very clear about one thing: you never told her about any relationships, to the point of her not even knowing who you'd be interested in. Hell, you barely had acquaintances beyond pragmatic study helpers. You know that only leaves one option, right?"
"Wha- I, no. C-Clover, no, I-I didn't-" What conviction she had has been drained away. Those ears, once standing tall, have pinned themselves behind her head, matching the tension of her resolute stance being replaced with panicked fidgeting. Her hands are trying to raise to assume some sort of guarded stance, but she's such a wreck that one has grabbed the wrist of the other in some futile attempt to calm down. I'm all too familiar with where this feeling goes for her; I need to do something before I can even consider continuing, but before I can... a certain void hound has gone to her side instead, taking those hands in hers.
"K-Kylie... that's enough. She knows. No more hiding, okay...? Let her help. Let me help, too... b-because I think there's more to this than you've said, after a performance like that." The shaking's stopped a bit, but not before she lets out a defeated sigh. Whether that means she'll finally cooperate with this or if she's gonna retreat further into herself, I can't say, but I know what I'm hoping for. What Jill's hoping for, too.
"I- ...alright, then. Guess that's it for me. Might as well let it all out if I'm screwed anyway..."
"If that's how you need to put it, then... well, it's something. We'll get this sorted out, regardless. Come on, let's get you comfortable..." Huh. Taking charge isn't a sight I'm used to seeing from Jill, but... at the very least, it seems like she's no stranger to firm insistence on a proper next step for Ky's sake. And there's no better time for it, with her leading Ky by the hand to the couch, pulling her into a relaxed embrace next to her. A perfect position for close comfort as she divulges what's been eating at her for so long.
"Mmph. Fine. Let's get this over with, you two."
"Gladly, Ky. The hell's been going on with you all this time? You've just... sat back, that whole time, letting it wear you down?"
"...maybe. Who knows, I thought I was fine. I kept what I had with Bone, made it work, even if it meant I had to watch her be with someone else. Then I watched her falling apart, needing someone, and some trashy part of me started hoping again. Like I'd ever deserve to take that spot, even if you hadn't gotten involved, Clover. I dunno what I was thinking. I already proved to myself I'm a coward who takes what lot they're given. Can't risk anything, and I'm not even worth what I'd get. All while getting exactly what I deserve for not takin' a chance, ever."
"Wha... Ky, are we talking about the same bunny, here? You've been there for Bonnie longer than I ever have. I heard, you know. About David." The moment the name leaves my lips, she curls a hand around the other's knuckles. Looking down, ever distant, she lets herself curl back further into the couch.
"Don't... don't remind me. Couldn't feel closer to her, to anyone, than back then, and all from makin' myself look like a delinquent. A dumb brute. All that, and I still couldn't bring myself to do anything. So I got what I deserved. Over, and over..."
"Um, Kylie, that part's... n-not about Miss Bonnie, is it? This sounds... different. Different in the worst way." Ky's moved her legs up onto the couch, taking a reclined position against Jill. Despite that closeness, her gaze only seems to grow more hollow, with one arm wrapped around herself, and the other... the other's hand is brushing against the back of her head, her fingertips combing through the taut strands, like she's itching something.
"...college."
"Ky...?"
"Couldn't let myself be roommates with Bone, who knows how bad I'd screw it up. So I had to go somewhere she couldn't follow, thanks to my grades. On my own. No one else I knew. Tried to move on, forget what I'd felt, so I... slept around. Not a lot, but enough. Told Bone about the better ones on our phone calls, to help make it seem like I was doin' fine. Some were like that, yeah, and I did feel fine those nights. Some weren't. And then a special little subset of those ones turned out not to give a damn how I felt the moment I was right where they wanted me. Guess who left the bigger impression."
"Oh, bun, that's... that explains a f-few things, but that's-"
"Not even the end of it."
"W-What?" The hand holding her side has begun applying a slight grip, and she's let out a sigh as she shifts further into Jill for comfort. Barely a change on her face from that distant gaze, but comfort all the same. The hand at the back of her head, however, has gone still, ceasing its exploration of the area.
"I don't- you two, I should j-just... hold on a bit, I can-" Sitting up from her position against Jill, Ky's pried her other hand from her shirt and had it join its partner at the back of her head. Now, the once-frozen digits are working at removing her hair bands, tossing them on the coffee table in front of us. As a final step, she runs both her hands through the braid, undoing it in one calculated motion. Her red hair flowing freely now, she inches her way towards me. I can't say I know what she's doing, but the way she's treating the process with such care is enough to make me fear the worst.
"Here, Clover, just... right... there." After a bit of searching, a pair of fingers stops, pointing to a spot underneath her hair. I guess I'm being invited to touch it, whatever it is. Leaning forward, I stretch my arm towards her, carefully working my hand underneath the lock of hair she's pointing under. As my fingertips brush across hers, I feel them pull away, leaving me to feel... something soft? A thin line of it, and a bit lumpy. There's no hair here, either. But still, if she's pointing this out specifically, what happened to-
...
...this is a scar.
"K-Ky, what- what happened to you?!"
"Miss Clover...? What's-"
"Skull fracture. Compound, linear. Couple days of observation in the hospital, then sent home with meds. A souvenir from what happened." I- I can't, I can't anymore. I find my fingers backing away on their own, unable to stomach touching it further. Ky, you... this was on your shoulders, too? And I just, that night we met, I w-was... oh god, I feel my insides turning over in knots.
"Couldn't tell ya much. Big project, I was at the computer labs late. Headed out, sunset was nearly over. Dunno where, but I got grabbed by the arm, yanked into an alley. Managed to clock 'em, they let go. Me, though... I lost my footing. Stumbled back outta the alley, took a dive backwards, a-and I... everything's foggy. There were... hands. Who knows where, maybe everywhere. Felt like I blinked and my wrists were above my head. Didn't even notice 'em moved there. No idea how far it went. The world spun, with everything numb, and all I could do was... exist. Despite wishing otherwise in the moment. There was a whistle, though, and suddenly, I was alone. No other hands. Just me, laying there. I... don't think I was awake anymore, after I saw someone different run up to me."
"K-Kylie, I..."
"Woke up in the hospital. They kept it clinical. I think an officer or two was there. Said they found 'em, whoever it was didn't get far. Good thing they didn't ask me, 'cause even then, I couldn't remember. Didn't know, didn't ask, didn't care. Only hint I got was after I got out of the hospital, when I noticed a couple of my lab classes had one more empty chair than normal. And everyone... everyone stared, that first day. Like they knew. They all knew, whatever had happened. More than I ever would. I didn't even want to know, but that... was still weird."
The room is still. I can't tell if it's out of waiting to see if there's more to the story or just stunned silence. Ky's still sitting where she was when I felt her scar, staring off into space, and Jill is somewhere between ready to throw herself around Ky and scared any touch right now will make it worse. If someone's gonna break the stalemate, might as well be me.
"...Ky. Did you... talk to anyone about this? Anyone at all?"
"No. Why? What happened, happened. I ran like a coward, and I got the world's leftover garbage thrown at my feet. It happens." ...no. Like hell I'm gonna let that one slide. Fuck no. To hell with it, my arms have already lashed out to grab her shoulders, turning her towards me.
"No, it doesn't just 'happen,' Ky, do you have any idea what you're saying?! Like hell it was your fault, some creepshow deciding today's the day they're gonna cross a line and get themselves thrown behind bars for what I hope was a long fuckin' time has nothing to do with you keeping your distance from Bonnie! The rest of those god-awful dates, too, that's like trying to take responsibility for lightning striking your house just because you didn't fix the sink or some shit, do you get that? There's baggage here, Ky, more than either of us can unpack, and there's no way I'm gonna sit around and watch you stew in this anymore, not now that I know. You need help we can't give ourselves, and I'm gonna be pushing you to find it. Whatever it takes."
"Really? Just like that, like it'll all work out?" Though she's mostly still, like before, her eyes have narrowed as she stares at me. ...okay, so maybe I'm not the best person to insist on this sort of solution, but...
"Yeah, yeah, I know, like I'm one to talk. You know the mood. Admittedly, I've put off finding help for my own spirals for too long. But now? Now I've got someone who I can seriously hurt with them. Bonnie's been figuring out how to handle it, but still... that's a fatiguing song and dance to go through every time it happens. I don't want her to have to deal with it anymore. I need to start looking soon, and you know what? That'd be a good time to find the kind of therapist who can help unpack... well, aaaaaall of this. It'll be a long time coming for both of us, but still. I'd like to think we'd come out the other end better for it."
"...like that'd help what I've been carryin' this whole time. Bone's still... mmph." Seems Jill's decided now's the time to give in and just wrap herself around Ky. That black-as-night fur, just about merging visually with Ky's black half, has been waiting for the chance to hold her tight after everything she's admitted. I may tease about Jill's nights with Ky relentlessly, but I'm glad to see she's far more than that. Makes me curious to know what she's like outside of Ladies' Night, honestly, but that's a topic for another day.
"Oh, Kylie... you're forgetting something, remember?"
"What, Charlotte's... oh no. Why would I do that? Clear the air, maybe, b-but... she's fine. Without me. She's got Clover, I-I shouldn't... mess with things like that."
"...Kylie. That's not the e-end of it, you know. It depends on several people, but... well, you know how I said 'who knows how many' when talking about what we've been doing?" Oh, uh, okay. Wasn't expecting to hear something like that today, but... let's see where this goes I guess?
"Uhhhh, yeah, but... you really think-"
"Can't know until you check, Kylie... just like how talking with Bonnie would go. So, Clover?"
"Y-Yeah?" God, this evening's getting away from me. I have no idea how we got here, but if I have to consider it... huh.
"What I'm suggesting is that Kylie s-see if... if Miss Bonnie would be willing to have another partner. In addition to you. Not something to be done lightly, but I think it could work if all of you turn out to be okay with the idea. If you're not, though, she could still clear the air with Miss Bonnie. ...as much as Kylie's going to be difficult about it. But I'm sure we can be persuasive."
"The both of us, huh...?" It's a strange thing. I'm thinking about all this, and... I don't feel against it? Ky's a good gal, beneath the metric ton of personal issues she's not addressed in far too long. And how she talks about Bonnie... it's hard to find a time when she's more ecstatic. The charmer could do with a chance, even if it's up to my angel in the end. And there's nothing saying I'd have to be involved with Ky, but I guess the idea of that had never crossed my mind. Not since that first disaster of a night we salvaged. ...heh, this is gonna sound so damn weird.
"I... think I'd like to try, yeah. See where it goes." Hah, Ky's ears shot up at that one. She's trying not to look at me with that new sparkle in her eyes, but oh boy is she failing. Have a little hope, bun, 'cause you're getting your shot at this.
"C-Clover... seriously? The heck would you let me do that for...?"
"Well, don't talk like you'd think I would just leave you be! You're a cutie and a charmer, so do you really think I'd be so against the idea of seeing you more often? Heck, if this all works out, I'd be willing to take a mulligan on our first night together... if you're up for it, of course~"
"Y-You- I...! Gah, Clover, really?!" Oh, now that was just perfect. Haven't seen that blush in a good while; clearly I've been slacking. Who knows if I can push myself to go through with that offer, but I'm damn serious about the sentiment. Hopefully she sees that.
"See, Kylie? And I'd call you even closer with Miss Bonnie. I-I know we don't know whether she'll be open to it, but... she'll hear you out. I guarantee it."
"Oooh, how about we get you all dressed for the occasion? Something that'll really knock her socks off, among other more enticing things, charmer~"
"Ohhhh that's it, I'm done, we're doin' this some time but I'm done, hnnnnnn-" Priceless, this bun. I've never seen someone wiggle out of a full-body hug that expertly, all to go cover her face and cool off from the situation and those cheeks set ablaze by her blushing. Before I can fully admire her cute squirming, though, I feel a tug on my sleeve.
"Um, Miss Clover... I know it's not really m-my place to say, but while we have a chance... I do think you'd be better than you think. A-At the parenting, I mean. I can't speak for everything, but when it counts? You're there, ready to offer yourself as a pillar. That has to count for something, right?"
"Well, you're right that there's a lot more to it than that, but I can't say you're wrong either, sooooo... we'll call it even. Maybe a little more than even, if I really think about everything that's happened. So, thank you." Heh, seems she's got something in common with Bonnie, at least: an adorable smile when she knows she's done a good job. And honestly, maybe I could at least get a few good moments in as a parent, despite other failures. When that's the pessimistic angle on it, well... maybe Bonnie could do with hearing about our other option. Never gonna hear the end of the "Told you so" dance from mom and dad, but hey, that's the price I pay for this, I guess.
"That said, excuse me a moment. Need to make a call. Enjoy your blushing bun in the meantime, 'kay?"
"A-Ah, hmhm... I think I will. I hope it goes well, Miss Clover." The both of us getting off the couch, I head towards the kitchen area of the apartment while Jill makes her way to Ky's blushing breakdown. A quick pass through my contacts, and I've got the exact fluffy gal I wanna talk to at the moment.
"Clover? Is the visit going well? Dinner's warm in the oven whenever you get back, so take your time, that pasta bake's not going anywhere!"
"Oh, I'll be looking forward to it, angel, but that's not what I called for. There was something I figured you should know right away."
"Hm? And what's that, hun?" Weird. It's getting harder and harder for me to believe I was scared to let her know about this. I'm sure that's just hindsight, but it's gonna help the next few minutes. She deserves to know. Heck, maybe Ky'll start making bets on whether it'll be a kitten or a pup when we finally get around to it. Lightening the mood always was her specialty, at least when she's not breaking down into pieces, and we'll see to it that gets worked on. I know we will.
"...oh, just a little detail to add to what we talked about last night~"