FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

A ring of the doorbell, and like clockwork, five seconds is all it takes.

"Oh, Louise! You're back in town for the summer already? University treating ya well?"

"Just fine, Mr. Brooks. Everything's going wonderfully so far." Nosy as it may be, it's hard not to take in the scene from the doorway. The carpets look nearly identical, if a shade darker in places. The couch is right where I last saw it, one or two more patches than before. Even Mr. Brooks, uncanny as it might be, is wearing nearly the same outfit as back then, a barebones plaid button-up and slacks, both of which have managed to develop fraying threads. I guess they match his disheveled hair and fur now, even that black mask marking raccoons like him get looks tattered. ...god, Louise, reel it in, that's just rude!

"I just came by to ask, is Rhen around? I dunno what her shifts are this week, but I figured a visit would be better-received than just a phone call either way."

"Shifts? ...oh, nah, she's just looking around for work right now. Place let her go like the last one. Least this time she didn't get put on that 'training wage' malarkey for the time she got. And don't worry about 'just' a call, Louise, I was planning on one, anyways. 'Cause, uh... I was trying to call and see if YOU knew where Rhen's wandered off to. She's been making herself scarce more often lately, without a word of explanation. Wondered if she told ya anything, it's been several hours. Dinner's not far off."

"You called? But my phone shouldn't be on silent, it's-" Reaching into my bag's front pocket, all I get for my trouble is my digits brushing against dust and crumbs at the bottom. ...worst case scenario, the thing's all the way out-of-state, in my dorm room. Goddammit...

"...gone. But, uh, Rhen's missing? No, she hasn't told me anything like that, not since-" ...wait. No, she wouldn't. Would she? Either way, only one place to check...

"Uh, nevermind, sir, I just- I should go, I'm sure she's at the usual spot, no worries!"

"Ah, thanks, dear! Let her know dinner's her favorite, it's-" Penne with parmesan and pesto sauce. I don't need to be in earshot to know that's what he was going to say. I just- I need to hurry, need to run, deep into the woods. Don't stop until the usual spot, don't stop, keep your skirt from catching on the bushes, just KEEP GOING, Louise, she's-!

A glint on the ground, from the evening sunbeams breaking through the canopy. That shouldn't be here. No one comes out here, so whose litter would that even be? Cracked, glossy, and hard, you'd be pardoned for just thinking it was some random glass and moving on. But no. I know that dark purple case anywhere... Rhen's phone.

Staring down into the cracked screen, it's not as bad as it looks. I can still get a pretty clear view of myself; shoulder-length brown hair, silver fur, and those telltale round ears of a mouse. Even my glasses are pretty visible. ...still, her phone's cracked and at the base of a tree. Where did she go...? Least I can do is see what she was doing before taking off like that. Thankfully, she keeps her phone unsecured; with how she cleans the thing out so often, including the call history, she never really cared what people would find on it. So let's just look through it, and...

"3:46 PM - Lou"

"3:48 PM - Lou"

"3:57 PM - Lou"

"4:14 PM - Lou"

"4:58 PM - Lou"

"5:11 PM - Lou"

"5:13 PM - Lou"

"5:14 PM - Lou"

...I turn off the screen before I have to see any more. No... no, no, no, why the hell did I forget my phone?! This is all my fault, I- I shouldn't have just left this alone, I never should have left this alone!!

My feet continue to hit the forest floor, tail desperately trying to keep me balanced in this frenzy. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing but finding Rhen.

*

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*

Walking to our favorite spot always got me in a good mood. The trees are so peaceful, the wind rustling the leaves in a soothing melody. And at the end of the trail we'd blazed after so many times... she'd be there. That athletic raccoon, wearing slightly torn jeans, a sleeveless white shirt that wouldn't look out-of-place on her dad, and a green bomber jacket. All complementing her short hair, dyed lavender with black roots. Hehee, her parents nearly fainted when she first started doing that! It always looks beautiful on her, though, so I'm glad they didn't push back on it.

Breaking that accidental reverie as I realize what I was doing, I bound over and take a seat next to her on the log, overlooking the rushing river. The mists as the powerful current crashes against the rocks are relaxing... surprisingly so for all the noise they're making. But then, that's not the main attraction here. After all, now that I've arrived... I'll have her undivided attention.

"Heh, finally arrived, Miss Uni Admittee?"

"Haaaaah... gimme a break, Rhen, do you realize how early it is?! I haven't woken up around now since graduation... what'd you call me out here for, anyways?" Putting one hand on her hip and leaning in, she flashes a knowing grin.

"Well, Lou... maybe I just wanted to hear that cute voice of yours, how about that~?"

"R-Rhen?!"

"Pfffft, god, you're easy, Lou. But seriously..." As I do my best to get the burning heat in my cheeks to settle down again, she turns away, hands burying themselves in her jacket pockets. Fidgeting. Lost in thought, as she gazes out over the river.

"Just... had a dream, is all. Interesting one, a couple days ago. Wanted to talk about it."

"A dream? Well, what was it like? Not a nightmare, hopefully."

"...I don't know, actually. I couldn't tell you what it was, in the end. But, it starts out, and I'm in my house. Things are clean. Like, really clean. All sorts of decorations too, some new furniture, even a nicer TV. Eventually, my parents came through. Mom and dad, they... looked amazing. Well-groomed, nicer clothes than the bargain bin, not a single loose thread. They hugged. A lot. Even kissed a bit, and... danced in the living room, hands clasped together. Like everything was perfect."

"That sounds wonderful, Rhen. Adorable, even. Anything else?"

"Hah, yeah. At some point, things faded, and when it came back into focus, I saw you. You, and another person, going through the school halls after the final bell had rung, holding hands and pressing against each other like lovebirds. Who it was, though... I'm not sure. I've got some guesses, though..."

"O-Oh?"

"Let's see... that cute squirrel boy in your library aide period? Or maybe the handsome ferret from the debate team..."

"Those... are definitely guesses, yeah. Probably my type?"

"Aw, and you hadn't even heard my last guess yet, the one I'm leaning towards the most... that curvy, toned wolf who jogs by your house as part of her morning routine, Lou~" Everything stops. The flushed feeling from earlier is coming back with a vengeance. Rhen, you... what did you just say??

"What?! I, I just- that's not-"

"Lou. Come on. I knew. You really think I didn't?"

"Well, I-I was... how?"

"...oh my god. You sweet, innocent little thing. You can't seriously tell me you forgot how we met?"

"...you wouldn't."

"Oh I WOULD, mousey! Let's see... gym class, was it? I was there as an assistant, part of a senior-year elective. Sophomore girls were doing their laps at the start of class. And this wolf girl gets a bit overzealous in her run, doesn't notice her laces coming undone, and takes a dive turning the corner of the basketball court..."

"Rhen, nooooooooo-!"

"That on its own was a whole thing, some girls stopping to help, others ignoring the issue and going past her, but one mouse... one little mouse I could see from the bleachers, she saw the way that girl had fallen. Arms down, ass up. And she STARED. Not just in passing, oh no! Do you remember what that mouse did~?"

"Rhe-e-en!!"

"She LOCKED her gaze to that ass. Forgot she was meant to turn the corner. And ran face-fuckin'-first into the gym wall. I had to patch her up afterwards before sending her to the nurse's office, even got in a little chat with her. Not a bad conversationalist, despite her reserved tendencies."

"...oh god, was I really that obvious...?"

"You looked like a deluxe fruitcake, yes. Can hardly blame ya, though..."

"...hm? Why?"

"Seriously? Girl, you're terrible at this. Not an ounce of gaydar to your name, I swear." Wait... so, so she's really...?!

"You too?!"

"Bingo! Skip the sausage-fest, Taco Tuesday all the way! Helping with gym class had some perks, if you catch my drift. GREAT view~" I can hardly believe it, she's... like that? Meaning w-we really could... no, ohhhh no, switch gears, switch gears...!

"Okay, y-you know what, no, back to the dream, Rhen. What else?" Finally quitting with the smug glare and teasing winks, she returns to her contemplative stance from before.

"Fiiiine, Lou. Not much else, anyway. Just... watched. You, and my parents. Watched you be happy. So well off. One thing I realized about it by the end, though..."

"And that was...?"

"I wasn't there, Lou."

"You... you mean like you were a spectator, or...?"

"I mean I was gone. Not a trace. No pictures in my house. My room was unused when I checked. Even my locker wasn't mine anymore. Just... everyone, doing great. Without me." Her eyes seem to glaze over, staring into the river... no, further below. Beneath the current. What are you thinking, Rhen...?

"Rhen... no, that's- that's not right. Please don't say things like that..."

"What? Do I look like I'd actually do anything like that?"

"I... well, n-no, but..."

"Then what's the problem?" That empty stare, once directed at the mists, now pierces right through me as she cocks her head, staring in my direction. The problem... the problem is...! ...no. No, I shouldn't.

"...nothing, Rhen. Don't mind me."

"Suit yourself, mousey. If you want a change of topic, how's your wardrobe looking for your first semester? I've got plenty of shirts you can use, ya know! If you don't mind what I call Turnover Nouveau, anyways."

"You can keep your old work shirts, Rhen. Just... promise me you'll still be here when I get back. Okay?" Glancing toward the river, then back at me... at last, that playful smile has returned. For real this time, I hope.

"Heh... I promise, Lou. Count on it."

*

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*

Just... just a bit longer! The river's just ahead, Louise, come ON, you can't let her go like this...!

Finally arriving, stitches in my sides, my skirt and blouse both torn by several branches and thorns, I snap my gaze back and forth across the clearing. Rhen should be here, right?! But all I can see is our log, the river, and... something else. Just ahead. Though I try to keep that hurried pace from earlier, it becomes difficult to maintain that bravado when I understand just what I caught a glimpse of, feeling the will drain from my legs the closer I get. The first thing I noticed was that it was green, and a bit lumpy. The second was that it was right by the river, barely six feet away. The last thing I noticed...

Was that it was a jacket. A bomber jacket.

Using the last of my strength to walk towards it, I finally collapse to my knees. The pebbles and twigs in the dirt dig themselves into my fur, threatening to tear the skin, but that doesn't matter. Looking at her jacket, nothing matters. Hesitant, unable to free my gaze from it, I reach forward, finally clutching the sleeve in my hand. Slowly, as if it were the most fragile relic in the world, I drag it towards me. Taking it in my arms, I feel my grip around it grow tighter and tighter, even my tail reaching up from behind to lash it closer to me. This close, even with the slight layer of moisture from the river mists, I can tell it still smells like her. A smell almost like a spicy, aromatic soup, one I could enjoy the fragrance of for hours before the meal would be served, if necessary. In any other circumstance, alone with her jacket, I might give in to a more depraved sort of urge, with that smell lingering on it. Now, though?

Now it's just the closest thing I'll ever get to seeing her again.

My eyes are growing wet. I suppose the rest of my face will feel similarly in a few minutes. I couldn't stop it if I tried. No one's here anyway, so why would I want to? ...no one at all. Just me. All alone, now. All alone...

Just one more hint of her last traces reaching my nose is enough to send me over the edge.

R-Rhen, I... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...! I should've been here, or at least not been a complete idiot and cut you off from me by accident! This is all my fault, I-I... why did you go?! Why couldn't you just wait?! You promised! That you'd be here, YOU, Rhen, not just... just this small part of you. How am I supposed to tell this thing how I feel? How I felt this whole time, only getting stronger while I was stuck at university, far away from your laugh, your smile? Echoes can't tie up loose ends, Rhen... though, I-I... I guess you didn't know. How could you have known when I couldn't grow enough of a spine to save you, much less confess to you? You didn't know then, and now... you never will.

Choking out sobs between desperate attempts to commit her scent to memory, soon enough, I can't see anything. Those tears, however long I've been making a river of my face, have soaked my glasses beyond any visibility, and I can't muster the will to wipe them away. All that's left is a green blur in my arms, and a murky, white blur straight ahead... the one that took her from me. Just watching that massive, all-consuming white blot in my vision shift and contort with the current, time seems to cease mattering. I have no idea how much longer I'll be here. I have no idea how long I've ALREADY been here, jacket in hand. I can't even wail in pain anymore. It all feels numb, reduced to sniffles and whimpers.

All of a sudden, my ears rise to attention. ...steps? Crunching dirt and leaves, at least. Did her dad come looking for her, too? Did I take that long? How am I supposed to tell him about this?!

"Uh... Lou? Did... did I miss something? You look like hell." That voice. I turn to face it, sure that can't be right. My vision's failed me, but I can make out a bit, at least. A white blot in the center. Various shades of blue splotches at the bottom. Some gray, a bit of black, and at the top... the very top, is a cap of lavender. Lavender...!

The question falling on deaf ears, my only response is to sprint towards the lavender and wrap both Rhen's jacket and my arms around it. As if I could be seeing a mirage. But no. No, this is real. It's extremely real, with every part of me pushing closer and closer to her, determined never to let her go again. As if I could keep her there forever.

"Whoa, whoa girl, you- what's got you all riled up?!"

"D-Don't... don't scare me like that. Not ever again, Rhen! I-I thought..." I find myself being wrapped in a hug in return, the surprise being overcome. Wherever her hands see fit to rest, they'll always be welcome, especially those soothing rubs on my lower back.

"Eaaaaasy there, Lou... I just... went for a walk. Needed to clear my head."

"...I'm not stupid, Rhen. The bottom half of your pants are soaked." Her hand's gone still. You know I know, so just... just admit it, Rhen...

"I... oh, fine, Lou. It doesn't matter, anyway. I lost my nerve. So I'm still here. Still... still here..."

"Of course it still matters, Rhen, that was- why?! Why would you do that, over some dream?!"

"Because it wasn't just the dream. It's always. Always, Lou. Every day, I get to wake up feeling like that. Some days it's just a nagging thought. Other days I wonder if I can really walk into the water."

"Then... why wouldn't you tell me? I don't want you to hurt like that..."

"Well, I... kinda did. As much as I could will myself to, anyway. Funny thing about that. If the problem is that you're dead weight on everyone, you don't wanna risk adding more." At that, my hands grip her and her jacket even tighter, going so far as to wrap my tail around her legs.

"Rhen, no!! You're not... y-you're not..."

"...Lou. Think about it. I'm some high school graduate slacker whose greatest accomplishment in the last three years has been what's probably a world record for the most jobs gained and turned over, barely able to stay employed for a couple months at a time, if I'm lucky. My parents' income isn't much, either, and they're stuck with their twenty-one-year-old daughter siphoning away what extra they get just to support her while she's job searching. Again. There's nothing left for me, Lou... what kind of life do I have left to live other than being a burden on them? On everyone?"

"Dammit, Rhen, that's not... that's not how this works..."

"Hmph..."

"They love you. They can see you're trying. They've been utter saints as long as I've known them, and supporting you's no different. So just... let them. Please."

"Doesn't fix the fact that I'm holding you back, too. You don't deserve to be dealing with my shit, you should be having a good time up there, at uni. Taking in the sights, the sounds, the gals who wanna experiment. Ones who wanna take that innocent schoolgirl look of yours back to their dorm room. Not worrying about some trash panda."

"...that's not what I wanted from it, Rhen. It's not... I, I already..."

"...Lou? What're you...?" I can't believe this is how it happens. How she finds out. At the worst time. What else can I say, though?

"When you kept teasing about me finding someone special with you gone, I... Rhen, I-I... I already had someone. And I'm never letting her go again."

"...wait, what...?"

"Heh, 'not an ounce of gaydar,' huh? Look who was talking..."

"Oh... oh, Lou..." One of her hands grips me closer to her. The other... it slides up my back, an electric rush the whole way, until it reaches the back of my head, gently petting and scritching affectionately.

"I know that doesn't... solve anything. I know it can't be like some magic switch that fixes it all. But I want to be here. I want to help. So please... just let me. We'll see how it works out from there, okay?" Suddenly, that hand on my head pulls me away. I fear the worst, but before I can think, she's grabbed my glasses. Even this blind, I can tell she's wiping them on her shirt. Granting her newfound admirer the gift of sight. With it, I can take her in again. The lavender dye, all the way down to where it's fading. Her black, mask-shaped fur marking around her eyes. And above all...

That smile I hadn't seen in nearly a year.

"Heh... alright, then. I'll give this a try. We've got the whole summer, after all. Let's just... head home and figure this all out, 'kay?"

"You mean it, Rhen?" With the playfulness back in her eyes and smirk, she takes the opportunity to pull me back in, letting her hands wander ever further, teasing with the idea of what else might happen. She takes the jacket I've been clutching this whole time, and drapes it over me. Guess I do need it more for now, huh? There's a heart of gold in you, Rhen, and I'll make you see it, one way or another. Leaning in, she nuzzles against my cheek, the candor imbuing her next words on full display.

"I'll try, Lou. I can promise you that, for real this time."