Coalescence Book I - Chapter 12 - Showers
Chapter 12 - Showers
-H-
My heart was pounding as I drove home. I had stared him in the face, my wolf, my inner beast or demon or whatever he was. He had come out of me fully! Though he seemed afraid to let go of me completely. I didn't know if his fears were warranted or not.. He was so big when he was standing.. It was daunting. Intimidating seemed too shallow a word. We had communicated though, he had answered my questions and we had made some semblance of progress.
It wouldn't bring Sawyer back.. nothing would.. but if it was the path I needed to take to ensure no one else got hurt, then I was going to barrel down that path full force. This wolf seemed like he would listen to me.. I hoped he would. If I couldn't keep him under control my life was going to spiral out into some messy, bloody horror movie. This beast was a part of me, something that had grown unnoticed inside of me, something that was now big enough to easily kill me. The future was uncertain, but I thought I could see a path to keep it under control now.
There was a faint tingling in my head, or my chest or.. something, I wasn't sure.. the entire drive home. I couldn't place it, but I figured my nerves were on edge, I had been through a lot in the past couple days. I needed a shower.
Showers are wonderful things. There's just something about them. Refreshing water pouring over you, washing everything away, both literally and figuratively. There's a reason people have shower thoughts, it's relaxing and freeing and awakening. I closed my eyes and let the water run through my hair and over my face, immersing myself in darkness and trying to clear my head. No, not clear my head.. focus my head. Could I feel him? Somewhere in there? Where exactly was he.. in my head? My chest? Just generally existing in the same space my body and arms and legs took up? Not a clue and I couldn't even begin to try and figure it out.. but I wanted to try and reach out.
The shower helped clear the clutter of thoughts in my head, clearing up all that background noise. I tried.. reaching out? I'm not sure.. just sort of opening my mind and trying to feel for him. He was in me somewhere and he could feel what I felt, maybe it went the other way too. My shower ran 10 minutes.. 20.. 30.. I lost track of time a little trying to feel something, but not quite getting anything. About ready to give up and reaching for the shut off.. I felt him. It wasn't a crisp, clear feeling, but I swear I felt this warm.. 'presence' for lack of a better word. Reaching back out at me.
How do you communicate in your head? Did I just.. think at him? Full words and sentences? I tried to ask him if he could hear me.. but got no response. Just that warm glow. It was almost a comforting feeling, if I wasn't so freaked out and creeped out by the whole concept.
-Can you hear me?-
I thought the words loudly and clearly in my head. Nothing.
-If you can.. but.. I don't know, can't respond.. come out?-
I waited a moment, and it was all I had to wait before I began to feel those little tugs at my flesh, before I saw his fur and claws and soon hands reaching out of mine. Could I ever get used to that? Probably not.. His head leaned and peeled out of mine, making my gulp and catch my breath. His expression filled with confusion as he turned and looked at me while still crawling and sliding his way out to set a foot down in my tub. Oh.. that's why he was confused and staring at me, looking around me. I was soaking wet, naked and standing there dripping in my shower. Heat flooded my cheeks as he stepped out fully, only keeping contact with my hand.
The wolf, My wolf?.. stared at me with those piercing eyes of his straight out of a monster movie. I broke the awkward silence and coughed a bit, "Ehh.. sorry.. I guess I didn't really think this through. I guess I should have gotten out of the shower first."
He just blinked, not seeming to see a problem. "Right.. so you heard me? You could hear my words to you a moment ago?"
The beast hesitated.. but reluctantly gave a slight nod, his expression seemed reserved but his tail was smacking the wet wall and splattering water all over.. clearly a little happy. Maybe he didn't fully hear me but he must have heard something.
"I've calmed down a little.. this has all just been a lot to take in. I mean.. look at you" I gestured to him with my free hand, "You aren't supposed to exist in my world.. you are a fantasy creature or a monster movie creature but poof.. Here you are, existing. I can reach out and touch you, and you are solid"
I knew I was rambling at this point but he wasn't talking so I had to. He puffed his chest out as I said that, that tail moving again as he stared at me expectantly.. then glanced at my hand, then at me again. When I did nothing he glanced at my hand, puffing his chest up and making eye contact again. Oh. Really? I almost laughed out loud.. reaching out my free hand slowly and giving his furred chest an apprehensive but slowly enthusiastic rub. His tail moved faster.
I was petting a fucking werewolf. No, I was petting a werewolf, standing with me naked in my shower. What reality is this even? This is some weird dream and I am clearly not well. If it was all just a dream, I guess I might as well pet the fucking dog. His fur was warm and soft, his flesh beneath felt solid and real as anything.. it all felt incredibly, convincingly real. His chest rose and fell under my gentle attentions and I just stood there, petting the big vicious monster for a minute. Maybe he wasn't so vicious.. he certainly looked it though. Heat breaths washed over me from his muzzle as he stood so close, panting a little in my face, a musky smell that made my nose crinkle a bit. Especially in the damp shower I could smell him now, more of that musky furred scent.
"You need to eat, but do you need to like... be bathed or.. piss or.. what? Do you not have a body most of the time?.. How does this all work?"
My hand had stopped moving.. those eyes flicked down to it, then back to me.. I sighed and began petting again, waiting for an answer. His broad shoulders shrugged some in a very human gesture, did he pick that up from me? How much did he pick up from me I wondered.
"Well you are entirely unhelpful... are you hungry?" He thought about it a moment, then shook his head. Good, I didn't want to have to figure out what he needed to eat just yet, I feared the answer to that question. "Alright.. are you thirsty?" He licked his chops and nodded.
I pointed behind him to the tub faucet, "Alright I guess just.. get a drink from that? Here, I'll turn it on for you.."
Tubs are not big, they are not big enough for two people to fit together without being plenty comfortable being very close. They are certainly not big enough for a goddamn werewolf. I pushed his head down a bit, reaching over him and turning the faucet slightly, just to get the tub's water trickling into the drain. With a grunt he pushed his big head under it and began to lap away sloppily, water and likely some drool splattering all over, but at least we were in the shower. He drank and drank, I turned it up some with how thirsty he seemed and he started gulping down what had to be over a gallon of water.
He stood up panting heavily, water streaming off his chin, dripping down and matting his chest fluff. "Well damn.. thirsty boy. Breathe man. You're gonna be pissing all night after that"
I joked and laughed as he stared at me blankly. That gave me pause, "Uh, do you have to piss?"
The big beast's face relaxed as he nodded and just started... going.
"What the fuck dude! I didn't mean right fucking now!"
He didn't care, he was just letting it all out. Was this the first time he had ever gone? I guess he was technically just 'born' yesterday so I guess it was possible. I scrambled to get out of the line of fire and up onto the edges of the tub, which was hard when I was soaked and had a werewolf gripping my hand like a vice, when the rest of him seemed far too relaxed. More curses spilled out of me, a long stream of them if you will.
I glared at him as he stopped, his tail wagging again slowly, he seemed relieved and happy. I wasn't. I needed ANOTHER shower. I had already been in here for an hour. At least, thank God, he had done it in here and not outside in my apartment. I couldn't be more thankful for that. Had I said I wanted a dog earlier? I changed my mind.
"Don't give me that look.. we don't just piss whenever we please or wherever we want okay?" I began to count on my fingers in front of his smug muzzle. "Let me know first if you are 1) hungry, 2) have to piss or anything else that has to leave your body that I am not going to want to clean up, 3..."
I trailed off, "Okay I don't have a third. But those first two are the most important things okay?" Please.. pleeease understand me. He nodded.
So, second shower, this time holding hands with a massive furred beast that stood a head taller than me, whose shoulders bulged the shower curtain outwards. Do you know how difficult it is to shower with one hand while being stared at and having your personal space entirely invaded by a werewolf? Probably not.. let's just say I was in the shower awhile longer. My poor fingers and toes were wrinkled up like I'd spent the whole day at a waterpark. The wolf didn't want to go back in me, he wanted to stay out and watch me, so he did. Being watched by a predator that was taller than you, and could eat you, while arguably in one of your most vulnerable states during the day, aka naked, is intimidating.
He to seemed to enjoy the steamy shower though, so I guess we had that in common