Chapter 19

Max awoke again to bright light filtering into the room. For a moment, he felt a rush of panic, thinking that he'd missed today's training session. Then he paused, breathing a sigh of relief that it was actually another off day.

"Good morning." Alva said cheerfully behind Max.

Max slowly realized Alva was still in bed with him. "Uh, mornin'."

"Sleep well?"

"Well enough."

"Good!" Alva paused for a moment. "How are you feeling?" They said, rubbing Max's shoulder.

Max was silent. He felt himself on the precipice of sinking back into that well of despair. "I'm okay."

Alva hummed behind Max. "You're still taking it hard, aren't you? Well, I've got an idea that might make you feel a little better. Why don't we go to the beach? It feels like forever since I last saw the ocean, and time in the sun's warmth never hurt anyone."

Max sighed softly. "I dunno. Dunno I'm up to doing much today."

"Very well, then." Alva said, scooting closer to Max. "If you're not up to it, then we can simply stay here and lay in bed all day, then. I wouldn't mind."

Truthfully, Max was starting to feel very uncomfortable with Alva against him. So, he climbed slowly out of bed, feeling Alva's eyes on the back of his head. "Thanks, but I, er, think I just want to read for a little bit."

"Oh. Okay." They said, sitting up in bed. "Do you want to get some breakfast, at least?"

"If they're still serving it." Max said, looking at the bright sunlight streaming through the window.

It turned out they arrived right at the tail end of breakfast, and were able to have a quick bite before returning to their house, where Max settled down in his room to read, feeling a little more relaxed in the semi-solitude. He could feel his mind starting to wander, and memories of his parents starting to creep in, so he started focusing hard on what he was reading. Despite his best efforts, though, he could feel himself beginning to tear up again. Once that happened, there really was no stopping it as him burst into tears again, weeping into his pillow and hoping that it would be sufficient to keep Alva from hearing his sobs.

When the tears petered out to hiccups, he decided that being idle was a dangerous proposition. Once he had gotten himself thoroughly under control again, he stood and went back into the parlor, finding Alva sitting at the table, scribbling on a piece of paper. They looked up as he entered, looking surprised. "Oh, welcome back. Change your mind about reading?"

"Yeah." Max swallowed, looking back at the front door. "Do you, uh, still want to go to the, uh, beach?"

"Oh! Of course!" Alva said, setting aside their quill. "If you want to go, we can certainly go!" They said, eyes bright as they smiled at Max. "Go on and get dressed, then. Be sure to wear something you don't mind getting wet."

Max nodded, heading to his room as Alva hurried away to theirs. He got dressed in an old tunic and pants, appreciating having something to do to help keep his head above the waterline of the well of despair.

When he came back out, Alva was nowhere to be seen, but a few minutes later they came out of their room, carrying a small basket. Instead of their usual clothing, they now wore a long white skirt, surprisingly modest with how long it was, but their over their torso they only had a loose white shawl draped around their shoulders, covering almost nothing.

"Ready to go?"

Max caught himself staring and nodded, breaking himself out of his surprised stupor. The two of them set off towards the beach, Alva leading the way as they remembered which direction it was, having arrived by boat to begin with. On the way, Alva stopped in an inn and bought them some food and drink to enjoy on the beach.

The view of the ocean was obstructed by the large trading ships in port as they arrived at the docks, but once they were out on the beach, Max stopped and stared at the ocean, mesmerized and slightly terrified. Never in his life had he seen a body of water that was anywhere near the size of what he was looking at. The stories he had heard hadn't prepared him for what he was seeing, unable to see the other side past the horizon it was so large. Alva had walked several steps ahead of him, but came back once they realized he wasn't following. They stood next to him, looking out at the ocean. "Ah, I missed seeing the ocean, smelling the salt air. Beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's...bigger even than I thought it was." Max said, watching the waves lap at the soft sand shore.

Alva laughed. "It's extremely large, yes. My home is about three weeks of travel that way." Alva said, pointing southwest.

"Three weeks? With no land in sight?"

"Of course. Ranel is one of the few islands between the Kainer Monarchy and the Rageth Empire, so if you don't stop there, you're going all the way to Tarbeth without seeing any land."

Max looked at the water warily. It somehow seemed more dangerous than the rivers he was used to, even if those would wash you away with the snowmelt in the spring if you weren't careful. At least there the banks might not be out of reach, but not even having land in sight was a terrifying concept to him.

Alva looked at Max, laughing. "Relax, there's nothing dangerous about the ocean." They reached around their waist and unfastened the skirt. Max looked away, thinking they'd taken their clothes off, until he heard a snort from Alva's direction. "I'm not naked, you know."

Max chanced a glance back and decided they might as well have been naked. The little white garment they were wearing was little more than a loincloth, let alone even an undergarment. A glance told him they'd taken their skirt off and spread it out like a blanket, just out of reach of the water. It was much larger than Max had been expecting, easily big enough for two people The basket holding their food sat in the middle of it.

"See? I'm decent." The walked into the ocean, the waves lapping at their legs. "Come on, the water's nice!"

Max wasn't so sure about that, but Alva grabbed his hand and pulled him gently into the water, stopping when the waves were hitting just below Max's knees. The water was cool against his legs as it went back out to sea, Max stumbling as he felt the sand shifting under his hooves.

Alva caught him and kept him from falling, laughing. "You really haven't seen the ocean before, haven't you?"

Max shook his head. "No, I haven't." When the next wave didn't threaten to topple him, since he was ready for it, he felt emboldened, taking a few steps deeper into the water, until the water was just above his waist. It felt good, and for the first time in a long while he didn't feel hot, the water taking away the heat underneath his thick fur. He sighed in relief as the waves came up to his armpits, soaking the rest of his chest.

He turned his head to look at Alva, and saw them completely underwater. He turned and splashed towards them, thinking that they'd unintentionally gone under, but they surfaced a second later, pushing the water out of their eyes. "Whoo! A little cold on my head. It's not quite as warm here as it is at home."

Max didn't want to know what their home was like if it was warmer than Ash. He turned back to the horizon, only to feel a wave of cool water hit along his back, causing Max to squeak in surprise. "Hey!" He yelled, turning around to face Alva again.

They gave Max a smug look, the sort that says they knew exactly what Max was squawking about. "What?" They said, innocently enough.

"That was cold!"

"What was cold? I have no idea what you're talking about." They said it still making that smug face.

Max had played this game with his siblings before, and knew of only one response. He dipped both of his hands in the water, lifting upwards to splash Alva, who had begun turning away as soon as he started moving, so they didn't take any water to the face.

"Oh, this is war!"

Thus began a long bout of splashing each other, which quickly devolved into blind flailing as they were both forced to look away, or get an eyeful of sea water. The fight lasted for a good minute before Max finally sputtered in between laughs, "Okay, okay! Enough! You win!"

It took Alva a second to stop, and Max heard them laughing hard. "You don't hold back, that's for sure."

"I had to fend off my brother and sister." Max said, wiping the water out of his eyes. "I learned quickly there was no holds barred when it came to splash fights."

"Hah! Wiser words I've never heard." They stood up, shaking the water out of their feathers. "I am soaked, though. And just a little chilled. The waster was colder than I thought it would be. Why don't we walk for a bit and dry off before eating our lunch?"

Max nodded, even though he wasn't cold at all. The two of them splashed out of the water, Max glancing back at their parcel of food.

"It'll be fine. I don't think we'll go far enough that we can't see it."

Max nodded, following Alva along the beach, walking where the waves splashed at his ankles. Neither of them said anything, which he was fine with. His thoughts wandered back to yesterday of their own accord, making him wait for the inevitable slide into misery again. Sure enough, he found himself fighting tears again, and he was forced to grit his teeth to hold them back.

Alva gave Max a pitying look, but said nothing.

Max swallowed hard, blinking furiously. "Sorry." He choked out.

"Nonsense, Max." Alva said, putting their arm around his shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with struggling to grasp what you've been put through."

Max was silent for a minute, wiping away the occasional tear. "How do you do it?" He asked softly.

"Hm?" Alva said. "Do what?"

"Stay so strong."

It was Alva's turn to pause for a moment, staring down thoughtfully at the sand. "It may seem that way, Max, but believe me, I am anything but strong."

"But you are." Max persisted. "I've hardly seen you react to what should've been the worst time of your life. You got more emotional over that Draagen than anything I saw from the training sessions."

"That's because I didn't fear the training sessions, Max. I feared the nightmares they would bring later that night. My experiences were surreal enough that they reminded me of what little I remember from my nightmares. I don't know how they managed it, but I'm certain the experiences were designed to stoke my nightmares, ensuring that I had them unfailingly every night. I don't remember being so afraid of sleeping since I was a very young child." They said, laughing weakly and unconvincingly. When Max didn't say anything, they continued. "I've barely slept more than a couple hours a night for the past few weeks. I tried for less, but I physically couldn't stay awake, and I rarely slept for more than an hour at a time before the nightmares woke me up." Alva let out a long breath. "Damn that thing to the depths." Alva said, tearing up.

As terrible as it was that Alva was suffering so, Max felt some small amount of relief, just knowing that he at least wasn't alone. He felt guilty about that though, so he replied, more sheepishly than he would've liked, "I'm sorry."

Alva took a deep breath. "It's fine. Should we head back?" They asked. "I'm getting kind of hungry."

Max turned around, and could only just make out their blanket in the distance. "Oh, yeah. We've walked farther than I thought."

The two of them returned to the blanket, unwrapping the small bag of fruit, cheese, and a small bottle of pear wine. They took turns, sharing the bottle as they ate.

"Can you believe we've only been at this for just under four weeks?" Alva asked.

Max chuckled quietly. "It seems like it's been a lot longer. Feels like we've been here a year already, and I've still got years to go." Max said, frowning out at the ocean.

"Even I still have a year before I go back home. I can't imagine having to spend three years more."

"Yeah." Max said glumly.

"I'm sure they'll go by quickly, once we get into the swing of things. It seems like we're in a holding pattern for the moment, until we either break under the strain or come out the other side stronger than we were. It can't be much longer now, our moon cycle is coming to an end fairly soon." Alva laid back on the blanket, stretching out and sighing contentedly. "Ah, this is nice. If I close my eyes, I can almost imagine I'm back home." They said, closing their eyes and taking a deep breath.

The sun did feel good. The coolness of the water had seeped down to Max's skin, making him shiver as the sun dried him off. "It'd be hard for me to mistake this for home." Max said, looking down at his hands.

"Oh yeah? What would home be like for you?" Alva asked, not opening their eyes.

"There's no salt in the air. It wouldn't be a beach, but a rocky riverbank or a grassy hill. It would smell of fish, of honeysuckle. Fresh dirt. Depending on the time of year, cut barley and wheat. The water would be a constant noise instead of the pulsing of the ocean."

"Sounds lovely." Alva murmured.

"In the summertime, anyways. In winter you'd be laying in a foot of snow, and there wouldn't be much to smell. The stream keeps running at least, even if it slows down dramatically." Max laughed. "You'd freeze in no time trying to take a dip in the water that time of year. Falling into a pond or stream might as well be a death sentence."

Max waited, but got no response from Alva. When he looked over to them, their mouth was slightly open, and they were emitting a faint snore just barely audible over the water. He smiled, laughing to himself. He wasn't surprised they were still tired after having not slept for weeks, not to mention having been up much of the night before with him. He found his eyes roaming over their exposed body, catching himself staring for far longer than would have been even remotely polite.

Chastising himself, he laid back on the blanket, staring up at the blue sky. His eyes drooped closed, and he was surprised to open them to find that the bright blue sky now had a tinge of orange to it.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and causing Alva to stir beside him, stretching languidly on the blanket, sighing.

"Nothing like a nap in the sun." They murmured, looking up at the late afternoon sun and blinking. "Wow, I was asleep for longer than I thought I'd be. We should probably start walking back before it gets dark."

Max nodded, mind still half asleep. Alva refolded their blanket around their waist, shaking the sand out of it as they did so. They walked back to the Academy proper, and by the time they passed through the wall, evening had set in. They ate in the dining hall, Max feeling more relaxed than he was expecting.

On the way back to the house, Alva said, "I think I'm going to take a bath, wash the salt out of my feathers. Would you like to come with me?"

Max felt a burst of anxiety. "Uh..."

Alva sighed, sensing Max's mind. "We can use separate stalls, if that's what's holding you back."

Max felt himself instantly relax. "Thanks."

They gathered up their things and went to the bathhouse. They both took their baths, using separate stalls, and Max found he actually enjoyed the bath, compared to the last time. The two of them talked over the wall, making light conversation. As he was listening to Alva telling a story about one of their siblings, he realized he almost felt normal, at least for a moment.

They took their time in the bathhouse. Max wasn't anxious to get back, because that would mean that tomorrow would be coming quickly, and with it another session. The thought filled him with dread, so he tried hard not to think about it. When they did go back, the two of them stood in the parlor, neither one of them wanting to go back to bed. Max sighed, feeling down about it.

"Hey Alva?"

"Yes, Max?"

"You said the nightmares are better for you when you're slee-sharing a bed with someone, right?"

Alva studied Max for a moment. "Max, I know what you're about to say, and you really don't have to. I'll be fine." There was only the slightest edge to their voice that made Max suspect how much it wasn't fine.

"No, really, it's fine." Max said. "I don't want to do it every night, but...some nights are okay."

Alva stared at Max, their eyes watering again. "O-okay. We can share my bed again. Let me get changed first."

Max nodded as Alva hurried away, wiping at their eyes. he went into his room and changed into clothes to sleep in. He went back to their room to find them already climbing into bed, Max taking the other side and letting them wrap their arms around his waist, humming happily.

"Thank you, Max." They said softly behind him.

"You're welcome." Max replied. "Get some sleep, we've got another hard day ahead of us."

Max felt them shift behind him, settling in bed, and very soon their breathing slowed, though he stared at the wall for a couple hours before finally succumbing to sleep.

Max awoke with Alva's arms still wrapped around him. Light was starting to creep into the room, and he knew they needed to get moving soon. But he lay there for a minute longer, just listening to Alva breathe, struggling to find the will to move and acknowledge that the day was now starting. Quickly feeling like the day was getting away from him, he attempted to untangle himself from Alva. Alva did not release him, though, instead they gripped harder, resisting him attempts to get out of bed, moaning, "Come back to bed."

"We gotta get up." Max said, freeing himself from them, and sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Ugh, why do you have to get up so early?" Alva complained, rolling over in bed.

"I just do." Max said with a shrug. "Habit, I guess."

Max left their room to go get dressed himself. His stomach began to churn at breakfast, and by the time he was sitting on his mat in the training room, his gut was in full-on revolt. Alva inched their hand over, grasping Max's and giving it a squeeze. That little bit of solidarity was enough to make Max down the Focal he'd been given, laying back on the mat still holding Alva's hand.

When he awoke in the Alius's dreamworld, it took Max a second to understand what he was seeing. He was in the middle of a field, the waist-high grass swaying gently in the wind. The sun was bright and warm, and the air was sweet and fragrant, making it an idyllic summer day. Looking around, he realized that this place was familiar. It was a field, not far from his parent's house, one that was being left to fallow for a couple seasons. Him and his siblings would pass through it often to go swim in the nearby creek, and he didn't know what to think of it showing up in the Alius's nightmares, his mind trying hard to understand how and when this would all turn horrible.

He turned around again, and saw a black shape marring the bright landscape. The Alius stood about fifteen feet away from him. They both stared silently at each other for several seconds, Max unsure what this meant.

The Alius was the first to break the silence, its distorted voice echoing. "Congratulations." It said, all life gone from its voice. "You've bested me. Somehow, your pathetic soul didn't shatter, despite everything I've thrown at you. Why, I can't even begin to fathom."

"So, it's over?" Max asked, not daring to believe it. It seemed too perfect, like Max was being setup for a big 'gotcha'.

"That's what I just said, wasn't it?" They said irritably. "Not only are you spineless, you're stupid too. Do you really think I would put us here if I still had control?"

"You might, like you 'woke' me up in the Academy." Max replied, biting the words off as he spoke.

It stared at Max, then laughed bitterly. "You really think that would've broken you if me killing your parents in front of you didn't do it?"

There was some truth to that, Max decided. "So, what now?"

The Alius shrugged. "I couldn't care less. Frolic in the grass, drown yourself in the creek, burn yourself alive, whatever. Just stay away from me."

The Alius turned and started walking away. "Hey, wait!"

The Alius didn't stop, and continued on walking. Max made no move to follow, as that was the last person in the world he wanted to spend any more time with. He looked around the clearing, and had the urge to go home. He turned and started walking in the direction of his house, knowing that it wasn't too far. He walked for only a short time, maybe ten minutes, before he woke up back on his mat in the training room. He sat up slowly, feeling weird. Looking around the room, all of the other students were still out on their mats.

Blair looked up from the papers he was writing on, setting a quill aside on the desk, looking at Max with great interest. "Well, you're early to wake. I'm going to take a guess that you might've cracked it."

"I...I think so. That's what my Alius told me, anyways."

Blair's face stretched into a smile. "Good on ya, boy." Blair stood up, walking over to Max and kneeling in front of him. "Now, I've never had a student fail the final test, but I have got to do it anyways. I want you to hold out your hand out in front of you, palm up."

Max did as Blair asked.

"Now, I want you to imagine a candle's flame floating above your hand, and I want you to mean it, to wish mightily for that flame to happen, yeah?"

Max nodded, focusing on his hand, thinking hard about a flame appearing above his hand. He couldn't help but yelp and pull his hand away in surprise when a flame, no bigger than one a small candle might make, actually appeared, winking out of existence with Max's arm jerking away.

Blair clapped Max on the back, laughing. "'Atta boy. I would've never pegged you as one of the first to best your Alius, but lo and behold, you have. Congratulations, boy. Stay put for a bit, and I'll get you set up to start your time here once everyone else wakes up."

Max nodded, and Blair stood up, giving Max another proud smile before walking back to his desk and resuming working on his papers. Max looked up at the ceiling, sighing with relief. It was finally over, the worst of it done, he hoped. He could breathe easy for a few days before training would inevitably start up again. He looked over at Alva's sleeping form, excited to have someone to share his excellent news with.

---

Max sat on Alva's thin blanket, looking out over the ocean. He caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eyes, and he turned to see Alva with their hand turned palm up, making a small flame appear and disappear. He scowled at them. "Alva, we're not supposed to do that until we graduate as Magicians."

Alva let their hand fall away, giving Max a smirk. "Please, what harm is there in making a small flame? Besides, you can't tell me you don't want to do it too. It's too magical to not want to."

Max had wanted very badly to, but he didn't want to admit it to Alva. "Still, I'm sure there's a reason they told us to not do it." Max said, shifting uncomfortably. "So, what do you think the real training's gonna be like?" He asked, twiddling his thumbs nervously.

Alva shrugged. "Who knows? I doubt it'll be worse than what we've been through so far. Not to mention we'll finally be at least doing something more interesting than sitting around dreaming."

"Yeah." Max said, his nerves not assuaged in any way by the statement.

The corners of Alva's mouth turned up, and they leaned against Max. "Hey, don't worry about it. Whatever happens next, we at least have each other to lean on, right?"

Max couldn't help but smile a little himself. "Yeah, we do."