Chapter 15

Max screamed as he woke up in the session room, gritting his teeth when he realized he'd been duped again. He covered his eyes with his hands, working hard to hold back tears. He felt a strong hand on his back. "You okay boy?"

Max couldn't hold back a shuddering laugh that sounded almost like tears. "I'm fine."

"Must've been a bad one. I think that's the first time I've seen you spook like that." He patted Max's back. "If you need someone to talk to, you can come to me after session."

Max nodded mutely into his hands, and felt Blair stand up, leaving him alone. When he sat up again, he felt dread seeing that Alva wasn't on their mat next to him. He shuffled to the dining hall, and was further dismayed to find that Alva wasn't there. Fearing the answer, but unable to resist, he left the dining hall without eating so much as a bite, instead heading to their shared house. Alva's bedroom door was closed, and he hesitated before knocking, afraid of what might greet him if he did. "Alva? You in there?"

The answer was delayed a few tense seconds. "I am. What do you want?"

Max breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you okay?"

There was a pause. "I am fine. Now what do you want?"

Their curt tone made Max wilt a little inside. "Oh, nothing. Just wanted to make sure you were fine."

There was no response from the other side of the door, so Max went into his room and closed the door behind him, even though it was still light outside. He grabbed Alva's book and resumed reading until he could barely keep his eyes open. Feeling like he could no longer delay sleep, he was forced to put the book away and confront the turmoil in his mind about both Alva's continued iciness and the quandary of not even being sure what he was experiencing was real.

Alva was nowhere to be found the next morning either, and when Max went to the session room, they were already under the effects of Focal. Sighing and feeling even more exhausted, somehow, Max took his Focal and waited for the effects, trying to keep a straight face as he faded into the Alius's world.

He awoke in the cage, the nightmare proceeding as it had in the previous nights, with the extra bit of having rotten food thrown at him every so often. It was hard to judge how long he was subjected to that cage, but when he awoke again in the session room, he didn't dare to breathe a sigh of relief just yet, as unsure as he was that the second half of the nightmare was just starting, or if he actually woke up.

Wary of what might come next, Max got up slowly, looking around for any sign that something was amiss, but as before, nothing appeared to be out of place. Alva was gone from the room, and when he went to the dining hall, still looking over his shoulder for the thing that would turn this into a nightmare, he found Alva sitting at the initiate's table. He took a seat next to them, and he saw that they wore a surly look, angrily stabbing pieces of potato as they ate.

"Are you okay?" Max asked them.

Alva didn't respond, choosing to stuff their mouth instead.

"Alva?"

They slammed their hand down on the table. "What?" They demanded.

"I was just asking if you were okay." Max said, glancing at the eyes now staring at the two of them.

"And why should you care?"

"Well...I, uh, consider you a friend."

Alva laughed mockingly. "And what a friend you are." They said, turning to glare at Max. "You're so poor I have to pay your way, too quiet to be of much fun to talk to, and too prudish to even enjoy the most basic bodily pleasures. You don't even play a good hand of bridge; I have to hold back to have the game last more than ten minutes."

"What...?" Max said, his eyes watering and ears pinning firmly back.

"Don't you get it?" They said, getting in Max's face. "I don't want your company. Being alone is more fun than being with you. Now, for gods' sake don't say another word to me!"

"But I-"

The slap came out of nowhere, resounding through the dining hall and bringing everyone to silence as Max's head whipped to the side. His eyes teared up, not from the totally absent pain, but from the distress at being treated like that.

"I told you to not to say another word to me. I'll slap you until you get the message, do you understand me?"

Max nodded slowly, struggling to hold back tears as he looked firmly down at the tabletop.

"Good, you're at least not stupid enough to continue." They said, resuming their meal.

Max had been preparing for a blow like this, but that somehow didn't seem to help him any. He couldn't stop a smattering of tears, but the only thing giving him any pause was the doubt as to whether or not what he'd experienced was real. Something nagged at him, making him feel that there was something just slightly off. He didn't doubt Alva's insults one bit. They were all painfully true, but there was something else that made this seem...unreal. A part of him wondered whether it was simply wishful thinking on his part that this was all a dream, and that Alva had not said such spiteful things to him. Given their behavior towards him for the past few days, he couldn't help but feel that their actions just then wouldn't have been out of character.

He touched his jaw, feeling where Alva had struck him, and that's when it occurred to him. Alva hadn't held back in slapping him, yet his jaw didn't hurt in the slightest. He may have just been in shock, but he felt that he should've been feeling something, even if it wasn't horrible pain. Testing a theory brewing, he pressed a claw into his arm, gently at first, then harder when the sharp point didn't cause any pain. When blood came out and he didn't feel anything more than a dull pressure on his arm, he stared at the spot on his arm, slowly coming to a conclusion that took the edge off of Alva's insults. The one thing Blair had said day one was that the Alius could not make one feel physical pain. He could not feel physical pain; therefore, he must still be under the Alius's influence.

Feeling certain now that he was still in the Alius's dreamworld firmly took the edge off Alva's insults and gave him a sense of relief. Having a way to know for sure if what he was seeing was real made all the difference. It had made the other nightmares more bearable, and now it was making this somewhat more bearable.

Alva continued to throw pointed insults and backhanded compliments at him all throughout dinner, but Max simply did his best to ignore them. When he finally awoke in the session room, and was able to confirm he was awake with gentle pressure from a claw, he didn't feel good, but felt better than he had in the last few days. Alva was in the dining hall when he walked in, but as soon as he sat down next to them, they pushed their half-eaten food away and left, even as he called out after them. Even his good news couldn't keep his spirits up then, and he ate his dinner mechanically, barely tasting any of it and just wanting to sleep his troubles away.

The pain of the next session was eased by the certainty of what was real or not, even if the nightmare itself was far from comfortable. It was a small win, but it did nothing to lift Max's spirits. Alva was still actively avoiding him, giving him no opportunity to even talk with them. For the first time in weeks, he felt the creep of loneliness, and it was a feeling he was not keen on experiencing again. As usual in the dining hall, the people around him were making a point of ignoring him, only serving to exasperate the loneliness.