FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

The night sky was clear, innumerable stars flickering on a canvas of black as Niv stared past them all. The porch steps weren't the most comfortable place to sit, but it was the quietest and had the best view. He didn't have to crane his neck.

Stillness fell over him, slowly sneaking away awareness of his body, bit by bit and aided by the warm summer air. First his fingers, then his hands, all the way up his arms and legs. His vision blurred all but the brightest stars into obscurity. Until all he felt was his heartbeat and the tingling on his scalp. His thoughts quieted, no room for them as he focused on the absence of sensation. It was a cold and empty feeling. A floating consciousness, like his body had dissolved. Like slipping away. Maybe it was better if he did.

No.

_ _ Every muscle in his body tensed suddenly, wrenching all the scattered atoms back to him. Niv looked around, moving lazily as the numbness still lingered. Still me. Still the same. He took a deep breath and let it all out again in a sigh. The moon was beginning to creep over the trees to his left, a thin crescent still glowing orange as her light filtered through the atmosphere. It was always a strange and bittersweet comfort to him, one he could never adequately articulate. Something familiar, but hollow. He absentmindedly worried at his necklace. His eyes felt wet and his brow furrowed as he resumed staring.

"There you are." Mela said from the doorway behind him.

"Hey." Niv replied quietly as he glanced over his shoulder.

"Pizza's here." Mela said, reading his expression.

"'Kay." Niv nodded slightly. Mela walked up behind him and placed a hand on his head, stroking his hair.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly. Any sincerity his nodding may have held was undercut by a sniffle.

"You mind if I sit?" She asked.

"Mm-mm." The shaking of his head was so slight that Mela felt it more than she saw it.

Mela descended a few steps, then planted herself to Niv's right, leaving a few inches between them. She let the silence settle a moment.

"She's pretty tonight." Mela changed the subject, gazing at the moon, now a pale golden color as it rose higher. "Shame she's not more full, it's a perfect night for it." She paused a moment. She placed her elbows on her knees and rested her chin on her palms. "D'you wanna talk?"

Niv took a deep breath and continued fidgeting with his necklace, his gaze falling to the ground. "I just..." He started, but the thought seemed to fizzle out. He crossed an arm over his stomach and cradled his head in one hand. "I feel so empty..." He said weakly. "Empty and alone. I don't... I don't know... why I'm alive. Or if I should be."

Mela put her arm across his shoulders and pulled him close, resting her head atop his. "Aw, poor thing. I understand." She kissed the top of his head and squeezed his shoulders. "What do you need, sweetie?"

"I dunno." Niv thought a moment. "I think... I think I should just go to bed." He said somberly, though he made no motion to follow through. They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes, watching the moon continue her climb to dominate the night sky with light.

Until Mela's stomach broke the silence with a loud gurgling.

"Oh, go eat something." Niv sarcastically scolded Mela as he lazily pushed her off himself.

"I've made my choice." She retorted defiantly, grabbing him snugly with both arms and enveloping his upper half. She kissed his head again before releasing him and getting up to stand at the bottom of the steps. "Come on, I'll tuck you in."

"No, you go ahead and eat. I'll be fine." Niv replied.

"No you won't." Mela teased him, knowingly.

"No. I won't." Niv admitted quietly. "But that can't really be helped." Mela simply nodded in acceptance.

"I'm not leaving you out here though. Off your ass." Mela gestured for him to stand. "Or I'll carry you." She threatened.

"Ugh, fine." Niv rolled his eyes dramatically, and made several old man noises as he stood. He wiped the wetness from his eyes and made his way inside, Mela close behind. Arms casually behind her back, she followed him as far as the staircase, where he stopped as he put his hand on the rail. He turned back to her, and beckoned with a finger. Mela leaned forward and turned her head inquisitively.

Niv hesitated, but it was too late back out now. With both hands he cradled Mela's face, drawing her closer and gently planting a kiss on her forehead. In a tired voice he softly uttered "Thank you" before making his way up the stairs.

Mela beamed brightly, unprepared for such an overt show of affection, rare as it was. Her stomach once again interrupted with a loud rumbling. She looked down at herself, chiding.

"Don't ruin this for me."