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Darkness before Dawn

Sel Kylas

** ** I was woken up by Atmell sometime after the whole thing was over. It turned out that my outpouring of my past towards Kilkaja took a lot of my energy away, to the point I slept through Arcturus's return. I was clearly embarassed by that and I was rather annoyed that I missed the action. Even Atmell commented that I slept through the mortars. Even so, I was sleeping in a private area behind the colony, so all the actions would simply go past my head.

As I woke up, I felt a rather sharp claw digging through my back. It did not hurt or cause injury, but it felt like a couple of knives pushing into my flesh, and it felt weird and rather painful. That's when I realized that Kilkaja was embracing me as we slept, and all my memories from that night came back to me.

As opposed to being embarassed, I simply smiled and stroked Kilkaja's tall ears. He looked so peaceful sleeping like that, almost like a baby. I really wanted to wake him up, but I really wanted to let him sleep. Well, at least until Atmell said, “Oh, and wake Kilkaja up. We need to be alert when the time comes."

“Why?" I asked.

“We are getting off this planet as soon as night comes, using Zarya's ship. The Saukaurs are coming with us."

Upon hearing that the Saukaurs were coming with us, I immediately felt myself tense again. I really did not want to be stuck inside Zarya's rather small ship with a big group of those serpent people! I might just refuse to board the ship if the Saukaurs were going on, but that was being selfish, especially after Kilkaja convinced me that not all of them were bad. So, trying to keep myself as neutral as possible, I said, “Yeah."

“I know it's going to be hard for you, but bear with it, alright?" said Atmell.

I once remembered hearing about something I thought was a big lump of bullshit, but after meeting and bonding with Kilkaja, I appreciated it more. Back then, I did not know how to trust anyone after my traumatic ordeal with the Saukaurs. I was young and angry and needed to be alone, afraid of a repeat of events. On a rather sparsely populated desert planet, I met this Felinian hermit. She was a Felinian twice my age, and who had found solace in a post on a desert frontier planet. I remembered her talking about trust and friendship, because she sensed that I desperately needed it. I agreed on the fact that I needed time to cope, but I never for once believed her words. 'In time, as you age, you'll learn to forgive, and know the worth of your life'. I was young and angry and did not feel that forgiveness was something that's possible.

Space is a very dangerous and unforgiving place. Friendship was like a hidden treasure, but like all treasures, once you claimed it, it would test everything you got, including your susceptibility to greed. I grew up in a life where friendship was short, and no one was genuine. Lies and deception were spiced up with greed and anger like a hot savory meal on the dinner table, and revenge was a dish best served cold.

But ever since meeting with Zarya, Domel, Atmell, and especially, Kilkaja, I started to question my belief. Was I trying to shut myself up from everyone who was caring to me? When I talked with Kilkaja, it felt so different. Talking with Atmell felt genuine and a good change of pace, but Kilkaja? Why was he so…kind? So compassionate? That's so unlike a Nuoevan at all. Was it because he decided what he should do? Did he decide whether to let me pour out all that suffering to at least make himself comfortable or to just…throw all that away and choose to comfort me? In any case, I knew Kilkaja was like someone who was still new to this world, and I wanted him to stay that way.

He could be a beacon of hope in this dark age.

Thinking about Kilkaja made me remember that I was supposed to wake him up. Ignoring the look of his sleeping face, I shook his body. Goddess, he was nothing but skin and bones! Just a little push was enough to move him from his sleeping position. Well, I mean, if you had seen a Nuoevan before, even a healthy one looked very lanky and their movement gave that creepy factor, especially if you see them in the dark. Then, I realized that something was wrong with Kilkaja: he had no tail.

Nuoevans had a long, worm-like prehensile tail resembling a rat or an opossum that they usually kept wrapped around their waist like a belt. Given their tendency for stealth, the tail could be a problem, and of course, it made more sense to just cut it. However, I knew Nuoevans used their tails extensively, and much like an opossum, their prehensile tail was useful for climbing or dropping down trees. I knew a lot about Nuoevans from one of Michl's crewmembers, who was a freed female Nuoevan slave she got from a raid. I might be friends with her if it wasn't for her cruelty, which for me was normal. For a Nuoevan, at least.

I could not find his tail, and I quickly surmised that he lost it during his slavery, which made me sad. I always thought my life was hard and traumatic, which shaped me into a strong Felinian I was. Now…I couldn't imagine what Kilkaja had been through. Unlike me, he was essentially powerless and…caged. We were his salvation.

I was so fixated with his lack of tail when he woke up and saw me. I had forgotten that he was an empath. The moment he was awake, he asked, “Why are you so sad?"

“Sad? Oh," I said, realizing what he meant. “It's…it's nothing."

“Just tell me what's in your mind," said Kilkaja.

“Your…tail. What happened to it?"

You don't need to be an empath to know a strong emotion. Kilkaja clearly had that pained look, apparently remembering what happened to his tail. But unlike me, he was more open about it.

“One of my…former masters cut it after I tripped on it while serving him food," he said, apparently remembering what happened as tears started forming on his black eyes. “Along with a couple of lashes. The pain…I can't really describe it. The other slaves cauterized the wound, but without any painkillers it's…"

“Stop," I said. I heard enough. “Don't say anything more. Please. It pains me to see you suffer."

I guessed that's when we both realized that we were drawn due to a traumatic past, both as painful and as humiliating as we thought it would be. He may not know the details of what happened to me, but I guessed he got the idea. Losing a part of your body out of an unfair punishment was the cruelest thing I've ever heard, and Kilkaja endured it. It surprised me even more to know that he could still be the kind and compassionate Nuoevan that comforted and gave me hope. He was much stronger than I could ever be, even if he was rather mild-mannered and susceptible to emotions.

I couldn't bear to see him suffer. He needed some comfort, so I hugged him. I could hear him yelp and gasp. I thought that's because he was surprised I would ever hug him like that. I quickly learned later that it was not the case, but I don't want to break this tender moment to talk about that. It's a story for another time.

“It's going to be fine, Kilkaja," I said, patting his head. “I understand. You don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

“Sel…," he said softly.

“But I'm sorry to break it to you, but we need to be ready," I said as I broke my hug.

“Get ready for what?"

“We're going off this planet with one of the worst plans I've ever heard. We're going to fit all the survivors into Zarya's small ship, and I don't know if it will work or not."

“Are you still apprehensive around Saukaurs, Sel?" asked Kilkaja.

“It's a process, alright?" I said. “Yes, I am convinced that not all Saukaurs are bad, but I'm not going to just suddenly lose my animosity against them in one night. I'm not a computer that can dump memories and reset my protocols."

“But will it be a problem?"

I sighed. Now, that's a good question. I had admitted that it was a process, but I did not know at which point I was in that process. So, I could only say, “We'll see."

I wanted to try and help. At Kilkaja's suggestion, I tried and succeeded in asking if any of the Saukaurs needed help. One of them, who looked like the Saukaur that saved Atmell and Kilkaja the previous night, asked me if I knew about setting up traps and explosives. I knew how to deploy them, but not the effective place. He was happy to help. I tried to trust Kilkaja that not all Saukaurs were bad. I just did not want this Saukaur to screw it all up, but of course I was a bit too distrustful.

The Saukaur, whose name was Astha Melser, even had time to talk about stuff. It was when we talked that I found out that Melser had a rather cynical view in life, but was nevertheless sympathetic, if a little foul-mouthed.

“It's bad luck that took us here and we're gonna need a good luck to get the fuck off this planet," he said as he deployed a claymore. “The fact that you got here with two Vyrnians are two pluses, but we need one more plus for me to calm my nerves."

“I suppose. You know, for a Saukaur, you're rather…"

“Forward? Inappropriate? Yeah, that's what they told me," said Astha. “If you're one half of a twin, there's always the good one and the bad. I'm the bad one. The black to Seth's white. He's the one you should talk to if you need anything done. Me? I'm just the guy with a mouth and a fuck-all attitude."

“Should I be wary of that attitude?"

“Oh yeah, you should," said Astha, which made me shudder. I almost thought that he was going to be the return of my dark past, but then I quickly found out that he was just playing with me.

“It's not funny," I said with all the seriousness I could show him. “Not funny at all."

“Yeah, I know," he said. “Sorry."

“Just so you know, I have problems around Saukaurs," I said. “It's…complicated."

“Pretty much everyone has a problem with Saukaurs, much like how they have problems with the blue faces, the Nuoevans, and even your kind. As far as I can tell, the only respectable space-faring race around here is the Vyrnians, but even they are not that perfect either. For me, that's something I can cope with. I hate those who looks down on others or even think they're the right one. I always say to myself that if you think you're right, you may be wrong. Others might think I am right, but some others might think I am wrong. It's all relative. Still, you need that little thing called a moral compass if you don't want to get the short end of the stick."

“I agree on that," I said.

“So, as much of a jerk as I am, at least I know I am not as fucked up as some guys. Again, it depends on who's asking. I might ask their opinions, but for now, let's concentrate with saving our asses and keep our opinions to ourselves."

He was rather foul-mouthed, and I did not really mind about it. However, he was just like Kilkaja: honest and was not afraid to say what's on his mind. Well, except he wasn't afraid to talk about sensitive stuffs. I did not know if I could be friends with Melser, but it was a start.

The other Melser, however, was less of a talker and a more serious guy, a complete opposite to his brother. However, Sethis Melser, like Astha Melser, was also a kind, understanding Saukaur who understood if I needed space. He did warn me that he would not hesitate to leave me behind if I compromised everything because I let my weakness got the better of me. Well, he was a little stuck-up, but at least he reminded me that this was a crucial plan, and he was aware of my problem with Saukaurs. Like Astha Melser, I doubted that I could be friends with Sethis Melser then.

The future clearly held a great mystery, and for once, I was glad that it turned out for the best.

Night came to the planet much faster than I thought. I was barely up for two hours when it was already dark. That was when I heard the details of the plan from Sethis Melser. Basically, Zarya's ship was going to be the key to the success of the plan. They were betting on the fact that at night, the patrols were less common and the opposition was resting for the night. Sethis had determined that the reason they did not attack them was because they were bidding their time for the remaining volunteer group to surrender after they had lost all means of defense. By this time, the only reason they survived that long was because of their knowledge of guerilla warfare and their knowledge of hunting strategies that kept them out of sight. The stalemate came due to the fact that the other side was also employing the same strategy, except theirs used quantity due to the general inexperience of the enemies.

The remaining 20 Saukaurs had consulted with the Vyrnians that, to ensure they could escape and reduce the strategic advantage of their enemies, they would use their remaining explosives to destroy the abandoned colony. Domel and Zarya seemed rather apprehensive given that the colony was old and held a lot of history. Sethis sympathized with them, but if he could at least contribute to the efforts of the war, he would do it. Good thing the Vyrnians understood, deciding that the information they downloaded to the ship were more than enough.

Sethis warned that Zarya's ship had no stealth function, so once it started its take-off sequence, it would alert the opposition that something was wrong, and they would try and stop this plan from working. That's the most crucial part of the plan and what I had been doing for the past hour: the traps were there to stop a possible attack, and our strategic defensive position would be a good advantage against them.

The only problem was supply. Up until that point, their enemies did not know how much bullets they had left. Astha explained to me that they lost their rations, but not their ammunitions. They only survived that long because they risked their lives hunting in the forest and slowly killing off the coalition. The forest on Aurelis Three was dense enough to hunt and stay out of sight, especially if there was a distraction. That strategy, however, cost them a lot of their brethren, leaving them with only 20 survivors, a number, said Astha, that would not hold. Knowing how cynical he was, he believed that we might get out with less than that number.

I listened the plan with intent. Like the Saukaurs, I wanted to get out of this planet. I did not want to die yet. Not if I had been given a chance with Kilkaja. So, I had tried my best to stick to the plan, even though deep down I knew that all plans would never be perfect.

The night went on as we prepared for the assault. I walked into the colony's former living area and found Arcturus, Atmell, Zarya, and Sethis watching the screen as Zarya initiated the remote-control system. The AI in Zarya's ship could help with the ship's navigation, but Zarya needed to input the command continuously with the holo-keyboard provided. Good thing her ship was advanced enough that she did not need to write in all the commands and just give the AI the coordinates of where it should land, one that was provided by Sethis. Some Saukaurs were also inside the living area and held their position there.

Domel noticed me only standing there and called me, to which I walked towards him. I could see the bandage on his leg. It was new, apparently because someone replaced it earlier. I heard from Atmell that Domel got his tendon cut and he lost a lot of blood and his mobility. Zarya was planning to take him to Arkari to heal the wound more effectively, but only if we managed to get out of this.

“Trying to find something to do?" said Domel.

“Not really," I said. “I just came in and noticed Zarya was doing her job and you just sitting there instructing her."

“Can't walk around too much," he said. “Healer's order. I lost too much blood due to a cut artery. I might die of blood los if Zar's healing wave could not stop the bleeding. Even now, I still feel light-headed."

“Will you be able to get to the ship?" I said.

“Zar can help me. All I have to do is zap anyone who's coming after us," he said while showing the crackles of electricity on his hand. I sometimes forgot that his energy conversion ability was very useful and could potentially be deadly if he wanted it to. He also showed me that he had a gun and from what I knew, he had a decent aim.

After a while, Zarya said, “We're ready when you are, Sethis." Sethis nodded in acknowledgement.

“We're ready."

He then walked out and shouted orders to the others. He clearly knew his way around them and was clearly the commander, even if they were just a volunteer group. His commanding presence and his knowledge of strategic warfare made me wonder if he wanted to be a commander someday. Still, commander or not, he was already one, and his actions and leadership would be the determining factor whether we could get out of this planet or not.

The plan was then set in motion. As expected, when Zarya started the engine and let the ship hover, the display screen on the computer indicated that the ship was being attacked. The shield was holding, but not for long. Someone shot and damaged the ship's shield enough that it went down to 87 percent after it was holding at 99.

She had to move the ship now or it would be shot down. Zarya knew the situation and quickly propelled the ship forward. I could hear one of the Saukaurs identifying the ship, but also enemies coming out of the forest. They knew what our plans were and intending to destroy the ship, and then us. Of course, the claymores I help deployed did their jobs as some of them were caught by it and was blown up. The ditch trap the Saukaurs made also served as a death trap as the coalition soldiers fell into it, leaving them vulnerable to gunfire. While their shields were holding, it was useless if they were shot so many times with ballistic bullets, the most precious bullets the Saukaurs had and was only used when there's none other left. It could penetrate shields.

In only minutes, the ship was finally in full view. Zarya directed the ship to land on a nearby landing pad, which looked rather unstable but still sturdy enough to hold a small ship like Zarya's. Even before it landed, Sethis had directed the remaining Saukaurs to move towards the ship's landing zone and defend it. Zarya quickly terminated the remote-control mode and helped Arcturus up. He supported his body with a walking stick.

“We're going to move fast, Arc," said Zarya. “Don't trip."

“I'll try."

“I'll cover you," I said while taking a rifle.

Kilkaja seemed to feel that he was not contributing anything to the efforts, but he seemed to not know what to do. Of course, given his lack of training, he would not be able to even use a gun properly. However, there was something he could use: his agony-based psychic ability. Given the perilous fight, many people were out there suffering from pain. I quickly told Kilkaja to focus on that and 'let loose'. Kilkaja, while reluctant, held on to the fact that he used this to help his friends, so he concentrated.

The suffering of the combatants clearly fueled him to the point he could use telekinesis on a Saukaur and threw him away. However, it was not enough to kill the Saukaur, owing to their flexible body, and Kilkaja was not strong enough to use the same technique that could 'melt' brains. So, as we walked out of the living area and into the line of fire, I said, “Concentrate on shielding the Vyrnians. I'll help the serpents."

Kilkaja understood and, concentrating, he focused his psychic ability to form a powerful psychic shield fueled by the suffering of the Saukaurs around him. With the Vyrnians also using a shield and Arcturus's knowledge to amplify his own shield, they were as protected as a VIP.

I quickly focused on defending the LZ, walking towards Atmell whose energy weapon was far more effective than the bullets the Saukaurs had, even if it could not penetrate the shield. It could, however, reduce the shield's power so that the ones using ballistic bullets could shot through them easily. However, owing to his proficiency with his sword and the cumbersome design of his gun-sword, he was left in the open, causing me to try and protect him.

I quickly saw that one of the attacking Saukaurs had a rocket launcher, and he was aiming towards us. With a quick reflex, I pulled Atmell away just as the rocket was launched. It hit the cover we were just using and claimed one of the Saukaurs' life as the area he was standing fell apart and he fell to the battlefield below. He managed to recover, but only momentarily, as he was quickly gunned down by some of the coalition.

“I think it's time we retreat," said Atmell.

I nodded. I shouted 'retreat!' to the rest of them and they all heard my voice. While still engaging the coalition, they started to retreat slowly towards Zarya's ship, which was also under heavy fire.

I could see Sethis and Astha near the stairs leading to the living area where they had just finished setting up something. They nodded towards each other and ran towards us as Astha pushed a button on his hand. A big explosion then blew up the living area and the stairs as the jumped away of the explosions. I had no time to be awed. I quickly helped them both up and told them to run.

Of course, I forgot that Saukaurs were also climbers. Some of them managed to climb to the bridge going to the landing pad and started pulling one of the Saukaurs down. He did not give up, however, as he pointed his fist towards the Saukaur. Suddenly, a knife burst out of his wrist and hit the Saukaur's hood, causing him to loosen his grip and enabled the soldier to kick him away. The soldier quickly ran away from the bridge and reached the ship.

I was also running towards the ship. However, I noticed the rocket soldier aiming his rocket launcher towards the ship, apparently trying to destroy it. However, he realized it was useless and quickly aimed that rocket towards me. I was not able to dodge in time as the rocket hit the bridge and finally caused it to collapse.

I did not remember anything except a sharp pain all over by body and the feeling of burning on some parts of my body. I did know that I was still holding on the remains of the bridge as I struggled to move towards the ship, with some Saukaurs trying to help me. I could not really move except to crawl as I realized that the rocket explosion crippled my body. At that moment, I turned, and I saw a Saukaur standing over me and pointing his wrist-gun at me. It then released a barrage of bullets that I did not remember how many, but I knew it was enough to fatally injure me and caused me to start slipping out of consciousness. My breathing was labored and I could sense that I was bleeding profusely.

I remembered someone with a sword attacked the one who shot me and seemed to cause a fatal injury, maybe even decapitating the Saukaur. I also realized that there was another one helping me, but I wasn't sure who was. I felt my body being dragged before I felt myself being carried. At this point the pain of the bullet started to overwhelm me.

I thought of myself. Is it death? How will it feel? I was scared. My body started to feel numb and cold, and I felt myself drifting away. I was no longer laying on something hard, but instead I felt the surface dissolved into nothingness, and I quickly found myself floating in a dark place. I was cold, naked, and drifting in space, but it wasn't space. It felt like I was in the middle of the lake, suspended between the abyss and the surface. I also realized that the pain I felt all over my body was gone.

Realizing that this was what they called 'The Choice', I knew what I had to do. I started swimming towards the light, away from the dark abyss below. My determination to live was fueled by my strong feelings towards Kilkaja, and the fact that I was not ready to die yet. I was surely dead, because if I did not, I would not be in this limbo and faced with the Choice. But I still had a trick only Felinians could do, and it would save me.

As I swam towards the light, streams of my memories started to flow around me, along with the moment of my death. Then, as I started to break the surface, the light grew brighter until it blinded me. All the sudden, I remembered that I was not breathing, and started to choke because of it. I quickly drew my breath, and with it, I found myself in Zarya's ship.

The first thing I noticed was everyone looking at me, bewildered. Kilkaja was crying nearby, but when he heard my sharp breathing, he gasped and looked at me, surprised. Of course, I was still confused and not myself. It was my first resurrection, after all. The feeling of being dead and reborn felt rather overwhelming. I also felt like a part of me was lost somewhere in that limbo.

Nonchalantly, I raised by body up. I felt something cold on my body and I looked down. Three bullets fell from my chest and to my legs. It was a shot ballistic bullet and was still stained by my blood. I also noticed that the burning pain was gone and all that's left was my charred clothes. Guess the resurrection renewed my body as well.

The one most bewildered and speechless was Zarya. She was the most surprised when he saw me stood up and cleaned myself. She was also the one who started asking what happened.

“W-what?" she said. “Sel, what…?"

“Nothing to worry about," I said with a smile. “I always know that it's never the end. Still, I was rather unprepared of what I was going to experience."

“You died," said Zarya. “Sel, you died! I already declared your death minutes ago when your wounds healed itself and you draw breath and…and…"

“Resurrection," I said. “It's our biological process to heal from fatal injuries. You can also say regeneration or renewal, but I prefer resurrection since I returned from the death."

“Whatever you say it is, it does not sound natural at all," said Domel.

I quickly remembered what we were doing, and, ignoring my damaged clothes, I turned and said, “Is everyone safe? Tell me. Are we out of the planet?"

Everyone was still dumbfounded by my resurrection, but Sethis, who recovered quickly, said, “Y-yeah. We're now on our way to Lekan colony near Vyrn."

“How many…" I gulped, remembering that I returned to life while one Saukaur did not. “How many managed to get on?"

“17," said Sethis with a solemn expression. “We lost Karza, Sesan, and Pakta. Sesan was caught in the explosion…with you."

“I…"

I quickly turned towards the table we used as a gathering place. On it, the body of three dead Saukaurs were laid on it.

“Don't worry. It's your luck, Sel Kylas," he said while patting my shoulder.

I quickly realized that my resurrection clearly made me stood out. While three Saukaurs died attempting to leave the planet, I carelessly expended one of my lives and survive. I guess that's why people prefer to live one lifetime: to escape the scrutiny that might come.

I also found out that I still had Kilkaja to think. Of all the others, he was the most affected as he cowered in fear as I approached him. I comforted him and said, “It's alright, Kilkaja. It's still me."

“Why didn't you tell me about this before?!" he said. “Why?!"

“Because it's our secret," I said. “But it's fine now. Did I…cause you so much distress?"

He nodded. Poor thing. I almost contributed to his problem. Clearly, I owed him an apology, so I said so.

“I know you can return back to life again, but please…don't die again. It pains me to see your body like that. Promise?"

“I promise," I said. Well, he was around 21, but he acted like a child. Could not blame him.

Still, in the end, I was glad that I survived the ordeal, even if I must sacrifice one hundred years of my age to return back to life. I was lucky that they did not leave my body on that planet, because that's the problem with resurrection: you could die and revive in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Then, I remembered what happened to me before, when Michl threw me out of her ship into space. Michl must've known that I would resurrect, so she was trying to subject me to the worst kind of death possible: in space, even if you return to life, the lack of air would surely kill you again and again until you expended all your nine lives. I shuddered to think of that fate. That would be the worst way to die, to know that you'd still suffer until death finally take you.

Good thing Domel, Atmell, and Zarya were there to save me. I had thanked them earlier, and now that they knew my secret, I suppose things would never be the same again.

The ship continued its travel away from the dangerous planet, and onwards toward Lekan.