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Chapter 46: I Love You More

It looked like the end of the world. Fields stretching on as far as the eye could see -- pale, faceless fields whose rustling grass seemed to whisper of a mysterious power under the breath of the wind. It was such a blank place, and yet somehow . . . eerily beautiful. The white beams of sunlight reaching down in transparent streams from the clouds could have been a stairway to some other world. Standing in the tall grass, Keeno thought he could climb that stairway of pale light and perhaps enter that otherworld and find in it a perfect paradise -- a place where there was no stoning, no discrimination -- a perfect place for his Enya to live. But Keeno knew as the wind lifted his mane and tail that such a place . . . such a place did not exist. As Loryn would have said: that's the cold truth, baby.

Keeno heaved a sigh. He was lucky to be standing there, lucky to be alive. Like the others, he had suffered many injuries that Yuri stayed up all night to heal, chanting over the battered bodies of her loved ones, her kneeling form a small silhouette beneath the rising sun. Escape had been narrow, but Yuri had managed it. And even now after such a calamity, Yuri was still summoning her remaining strength to care for everyone. They were all in awe of her: no one had suspected that shy little Yuri had contained such power!

Although Enya was caught with Yuri in her bed, Theo was still the king, and when he announced that he and his party were going to "participate" in the stoning, there were no questions asked. This made it extremely easy for Keeno and the others to ambush the stoning. Keeno remembered charging headlong into the battle, smacking down with a snarl any wolf that got in the way of his arms closing around Enya. His mind had been in a frenzy. He didn't know what he'd do if he fell to his knees and she was dead. But, thank goodness, Enya had been alive -- weak, bloody, battered, but alive.

Keeno turned back to a trampled patch of grass where his daughter lay like a crumpled doll with a makeshift bandage on her head. He swallowed down a sudden rise of tears and knelt beside his child, gathered her into his arms, and lay down in the grass with her. Keeno had done this for days, sometimes singing to Enya under his breath, rocking her in his arms as he struggled with a little sob to pry the dried blood from her fur. No water for miles around. Kel and Theo had checked. No nothing for miles around. Except for the grass. Grass. Moon. Stars. The low howl of the wind. That was all.

"Yuri . . ." whispered a hoarse voice. Kel's voice.

Keeno looked up. He could see Yuri standing some distance away in the tall grass. The breeze had lifted her silvery mane until it flowed like water in the pale moonlight. She had been standing like that for days -- just standing. Very still. Hadn't spoken a word. Sometimes Keeno saw one of the others try to talk to her, but Yuri never so much as blinked. She was a living statue. Her paws were lifted in offering, her legs were together, her tail was low, and she didn't move a muscle. Nor did she speak.

Kel tried once again to bring Yuri out of her mediations, but realizing there was no point, he gave up and went back to Zaldon's big white body. The sorcerer was lying limp and weak in the grass. After that blow to the face with the butt end of the spear, he never woke up again. Zaldon's case was not like Enya's: Enya was fine, Enya would mend. But Zaldon? Zaldon was old. Zaldon -- despite all his muscle, height, and girth -- had grown as soft and frail over the years as his heart.

Zaldon had been asleep for three days.

During those three days, the others sat around their miserable makeshift camp, huddled together against the chill wind, sometimes standing alone to peer off in all directions. It looked as if the grasslands were endless, as if one could travel them and never get anywhere.

"So this is what it means to be no where," Roan had whispered to Theo the first night.

Theo had taken Roan's paw, and tangling their fingers together, he had whispered back, "I'm glad I'm no where with you."

Roan and Theo. Keeno smiled to himself. Carefully keeping his feelings hidden, Keeno had watched with fatherly pleasure as the boys grew into young adults, and though they were very near the mating season, they would always be little pups to him. He had very fond memories of carrying little Roan around on his shoulders, of tousling Theo's mane when he did a good job during training. Roan, Zane, and Theo were the sons he'd never had. And looking at the three of them now, he felt a surge of pride that they had become better males than him. Roan, so kind and caring. Zane, so loyal and strong. Theo, such a hard worker, such a skilled warrior, and such a good friend to his nephews. He had always felt proud that such young males were around to help protect his daughter -- his Enya, the most precious thing in the world to him.

Keeno looked down with a little sniff and blinked out tears. Enya was limp as ever in his arms. She had come awake every now and then, and he would feed her what roots the others had dug up. She would feebly chew them down, then fall still in her father's arms. And though she was well able, she had not spoken a single word to Keeno for three days. Keeno felt a pang every time those beautiful blue eyes avoided his face, every time the squeeze of his strong arms went coldly ignored. But he wouldn't give up or give in. He kept holding his daughter, nursing her, caring for her, waiting for the moment when she would reconcile herself to him.

Now it was the dead of night and Yuri was still standing in the tall grass, still staring at the distant shape of the mountains and the winking stars. She was a shapely silhouette in the light of the heavens. Kel checked on her every now and then, only to at last report what he had finally realized: Yuri was summoning all her magical powers to wake Zaldon from his deep and motionless slumber.

"Ah, so that's what she's doing," Keeno said, still holding his daughter's body to his own.

Enya was wrapped in her father's arms, her shapely legs bent and folded in the grass. She was asleep, her head nestled under Keeno's neck, her eyes racing every now and then under the long sweep of black lashes. The others sat in a circle with Keeno. All of them were bloody and scratched and weary with thirst and hunger. Kel had a new clip in his ear that made him look even sterner than before, while Roan had been bitten savagely on the arm during the escape. Theo was carefully re-wrapping Roan's bite as they spoke in soft voices among themselves. Lying nearby in a bed of trampled grass was the great white body of the sorcerer.

"How long is Yuri gonna stay in that trance?" Zane whispered worriedly. He shot a glance over his shoulder: Yuri was standing several feet away, her back to the group as she stared with blank eyes into the distance. Insects crawled through her fur, the grass lashed her calves, the wind battered her mane and tail -- she never blinked.

"Until she wakes your great uncle," Kel answered, "or until she passes out from the effort. I'm giving her another hour, then I'm snapping her out of it! I know it's dangerous," he added, holding up his paw when Keeno looked as if he might protest, "but we can't go on this way indefinitely. I want to take two of you and scout the area, see if we can find shelter and food . . . somewhere." Kel gazed off at the endless sea of grass and felt a private pang of misery: they could be walking this place for years and find nothing. And it seemed so easy to get lost here.

"Why can't Yuri just transport us out of here?" Roan asked. He gazed at his grandfather with questioning green eyes.

Kel shook his head. "She used up too much energy just getting us here. Then she healed us. And now she's using more energy to wake Zaldon . . ."

They all fell silent, remembering the blinding white rage of Yuri as she screamed a shattering roar at the sky. It seemed the mountain had cracked and suddenly -- poof! -- they were here. Bloody, battered, and torn, they appeared huddled together in a close group, and Yuri -- who was standing in the center -- suddenly collapsed among them.

"What she's doing is too dangerous anyway," Kel went on. "She hasn't eaten any real food for days, none of us have. Using magic without energy can kill you. And Yuri's not even a fully trained sorceress, she's just a fledging!" Kel shook his head. "No, I'm putting a stop to this. I'll let her have her little try and then . . ."

"Then what?" Keeno asked, peering at Kel over Enya's tan curls.

It wasn't really a question. It was what they'd all been thinking: and then what would they do? Wander the grasslands forever? Head back to the mountain wolves and face their wrath?

"And then we wait for Zaldon to awake naturally, without the use of magic. We wait for him to gather energy. Then Zaldon will take us all home." Kel stared levelly into Keeno's eyes, and Keeno understood the silent warning: he must keep a brave face before the pups.

Keeno nodded at his father-in-law. Kel smiled, and clapping Zane fondly on the head, he went back to Zaldon's side.

Zane looked as if he wanted to go to Yuri but changed his mind. He rose and stretched and wandered away a little, where he stood in the tall grass picking the wild flowers and plucking their petals. It was almost comical to see Zane's gargantuan body in the moonlight, bulging with muscles, shadows curving to the shape of them -- comical to see such a big thing take such large fingers and pick teeny flowers with them. He moved, tall and muscular, among the rippling grass like some lonely and handsome god descended to earth to stroll at his leisure in the moonlight. But Zane's face was worried and drawn, and he kept glancing every now and then around a lock of silver mane in Yuri's direction.

Roan and Theo wandered away was well. They walked paw in paw, whispering the way lovers do, and Keeno smiled to himself when he saw the sweet and loving way in which their tails would sometimes tangle and plait. Why hadn't he realized it before? He felt a fool for not realizing his nephew was a tail chaser! And Enya -- all this time, she'd been in love with Yuri under his very nose!

Keeno heard Enya come awake with a groan. He looked down at his daughter, but he didn't say a word. Enya didn't seem to want him too. And for the first time . . . he put his daughter's wishes first.

"Dad," Enya rasped irritably, "I can sit up on my own, you know."

Keeno felt his heart crack the tiniest bit from the steel in those blue eyes, but he let his daughter go.

Enya sat up and with a haughty toss of her mane, started brushing herself off. She touched a careful paw to the bandage that was smashing down her curls and winced. But seeing Keeno's concern, she lifted her chin as if it didn't hurt at all and continued brushing herself off as if Keeno wasn't there.

Enya's aloof manner stung Keeno, but suddenly unable to contain himself, he snatched Enya into his embrace so hard that her curls tossed. Enya felt a pang of guilt: her father's arms were trembling around her.

"I was wrong, Keeno Jr.," Keeno said, his cheek against her mane. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I was wrong for not taking your feelings seriously. You can have all the females you want -- just don't disappear again! There's no excuse for what I did to you, and I wish to hell I could take it back."

There was a long silence as Keeno held Enya. He couldn't see it, but her jaw was standing out strong in her silent rage. She was still just so angry about everything! And because all this had happened, she would never see home again. She had acted as if she hated the summer village when she ran away, but it was still her home, and in a way, Keeno had been right: she would miss all her friends and family greatly. She thought with a pang of the mountain wolves as they snarled at her, howling and growling and hurling rocks. She remembered the way Yuri trembled and sobbed, rocks flying past her silvery mane, the blood that splashed when a rock nicked her. And she hated herself so much for putting Yuri in that position, for putting them all in that position!

Enya carefully pried herself from her father. Her mouth had gone dry and she couldn't speak. She rose and moved some feet away, not knowing what she was doing or what she could possibly say. She heard Keeno rise as well, then the scent of him as he took a few steps behind her. She stood with her back to Keeno a long moment. She could feel the bruise pulsing on her head, pulsing under the bandage of leaves and withered grass that Kel and Yuri had made together. Keeno might as well have put that bruise on her head. By marrying her to Theo, Keeno might as well as killed her. She swallowed thickly. In that moment, she just wanted to turn around and sock her father one on the nose, but hearing that terrible tremble in Keeno's voice, Enya forgave him. He had acted foolishly, but he had acted out of love, and even as Keeno was in the middle of continuing his apology, Enya suddenly whirled and embraced him. He wasn't the only one who had been a stupid fool. She knew that now.

Keeno stood in shock for a moment, but Enya felt her heart flutter when he hugged her tightly in return. She never thought she'd be so happy to feel his kisses in her curls! But a sob came with those kisses, and the fierce trembling of his arms alarmed her.

"Don't cry, Daddy," Enya begged, hugging her father as tightly as her slender arms would allow. "Please don't cry -- I can't stand it, you hurting cuz of me."

"How do you think I feel?"

They looked at each other and laughed, then Enya warmly took her father's paw, and they walked away together through the tall grass, father and daughter, paw in paw, just like they used to when Enya was a child.

"I'm sorry, too," Enya whispered. "For running away."

"No, you're not."

They laughed again.

"Seriously, Dad!" Enya scolded. "I'm sorry Theo and I caused everyone so much --"

"Don't, Enya. Don't apologize to me! God, if you only knew! I'm proud of you. Very proud."

Enya halted. Keeno halted as well, and they stared at each other. Enya was shocked and confused, but Keeno was smiling. Enya gazed up at her amused father with puzzled sapphire eyes.

"Enya, you stood up for what you believe -- in the face of adversity, in the face of death! There are some things worth dying for and that includes the right to love who and how your heart desires. You taught me that, Enya. And I'll never forget it."

Enya smiled and squeezed her father's paw. They continued on through the grass, tails swinging low, and after a happy pause, Enya said in a soft voice, "You know what?"

"What, Keeno Jr.?"

"I'm proud to have you for a father."

Keeno cocked an eyebrow. "You're just pulling my tail," he said miserably.

"No! Really!" Enya halted again, gazing earnestly into her father's handsome face. "You loved me for who and what I am no matter what. What you did -- you were trying to protect me when you could have had me banished. You could have had me stoned --!"

"Never!"

Enya smiled. "See? And I'm lucky to have you."

Keeno smiled back. They walked on again, and after yet another happy pause, Enya said in the same soft voice, "You know what else?"

"What now, Keeno Jr.?"

"I love you, Daddy."

Keeno felt his heart swell. He smiled fondly at his daughter, at this wise little creature who had taught him so much about the world, about himself, and yet she didn't even know it! In that moment, he was never so proud in his life to have Enya. And this time he wasn't simply proud because his daughter was the prettiest or most sought after. He was proud of Enya for who she was on the inside, for possessing that same strength that peered out from Aliona's kind eyes everyday.

Keeno put his arm around Enya and smiled when she dropped her head happily against him.

"I love you more, honey. I love you more."