wander ~ Chapter 16

Story by Lukas Kawika on SoFurry

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#16 of wander [Patreon Novel]

Hey hey, remember that this story is run through my Patreon! If you sign up you'll get to read up to 4 chapters in advance, and also vote on the polls that guide what happens in the story and how things go!

also, I've got spring break this coming week, so I might be slow (or faster, who knows) with writing! we'll see!


That night I slept better than I had in a while, and got there faster too. There was no worrying about sweet Jesus how long is it gonna take me to fall asleep, none of that goddamn I'm only gonna get five hours tonight I guess, no rolling around back and forth, struggling to find a comfortable position. This time I just settled down, breathed for a while, thought about what all had happened today, and... that was it.

Well, I should say, all of that happened after I spent another good hour and a half or so texting people back and forth. Sandra was all kinds of excited to hear the news - you can tell by the increased number of punctuation marks - and on asking me questions that I didn't yet have the answers for. It happened literally tonight. And I maintained a conversation with Tony between all of that, and that felt... good.

I don't really know how to explain it. There was nothing I could easily compare it to. It was just, like... slow, easy, relaxed. Comfortable. Of course there was still some residual shivers lingering in my system, like imagine when you get a test back and it turns out you did better than you expected. That kind of relieved excitement. But I wanted to tread lightly, to just ride the waves and see where this would take us. That was actually what I told Sandra when she asked when we were gonna bang.

She sent back a GIF of an actress sarcastically rolling her eyes. Then - that's the idea, you know, riding and taking... so I forwarded her own GIF back to her.

Tony wanted to know how I was feeling, how I was doing. Something else that felt nice was being able to be truthful: "I really wanna hug you >//> I thought you smelled nice tonight." The 'tonight' there was optional, but I figured it fit - and besides, there was still something a bit embarrassing about admitting to both him as well as myself that I'd liked that about him since the first time he passed by me in the hallway, and the little waves of air currents curled around my nose.

We can hug when I see you next. c: Mama said she has something planned for this weekend, so it will probably be some time next week. Is that ok?

That was fair, I guess. I had been hanging out with him every weekend since we met. "Yeah of course," I sent back, a smile on my face. "Hey - have you told her yet? About us?" Outside my bedroom window, the wind picked up a bit and whispered through the trees. Every now and then I could hear Dad downstairs, or the sound of the TV on.

Hehehe... I think she already knew. You know how she is. I mean... she said she knew that it was going to happen.

"That's pretty impressive, considering even I didn't know until late this week." In between that, a message from Lexi popped up. I swiped it away, making a mental note to reply to that in a bit.

Were you nervous?

Oh, man. I rolled over onto my side and wriggled into a more comfortable position, pulling the blankets up towards my chin. I'd gotten into that place where the warmth was heavy and comfortable, without being overbearing - where it felt like it was pulling me down into sleep. "Yeah. Quite a bit. Scared, even. This is all new for me."

Aww. *hugs* But it turned out ok, didn't it?

Then, after I'd started my next reply-

I was scared too. Really worried when i heard about the girlfriend thing from tyler. I... aaaaaaa. Idk. I have had a good day, matt. c: but it is bedtime for kittens now

Jeez. Would it be weird for me to call him a kitten this early in our relationship? I mean... literally tonight. I was never good with this sort of thing. "Yeah, I should be turning in here, too. Let me know about what's going on, okay? Oh - and my dad wants to have you over for dinner sometime."

Does he know?

"Yeah, I just told him earlier. He took it really well i think."

That is good! I think i am free all of next week, so just let me know. Good night, Matt.

I wished him a good night and to sleep well, and curled up there with my phone against my chest for a moment. I'd almost drifted off when I remembered - oh yeah, Lexi. As it turned out, she was just wondering if I'd be free this weekend to hang out; apparently Tyler felt jealous about not being able to see me since I'd been busy with Tony. What a coincidence, right?

And I mean... we did just get off for a week for spring break. It'd probably be tough keeping things quiet about me and the cheetah with Tyler so excited about me "finding a girl", but... it'd probably be even more suspicious if I told her to tell him no. And there was just something about the way she'd worded her texts... and that gave me some shadow of a doubt lingering above my head when I settled down to sleep. But, that fast left me, and next thing I knew I was rolling over to look away from the sunlight coming in through the window, and in an attempt to relieve the pain in my sleep-sore shoulder.

A dull buzzing under my pillow shocked me further awake, though, and I quickly realized... I'd never put my phone back on the nightstand, or on the charger or anything. I'd just kinda kept it in my paw and drifted off with it there, and it ended up under my head. A little reluctantly, I brought that paw down, clicked the screen on, blinked against the brightness, and strained to read the message.

Two of them, actually - a lovely good morning text from Tony, and then one from Ty asking when I'd be free. I replied to Tony's first, and asked what he'd be having for breakfast (since, let's face it, I've seriously enjoyed every meal I've had at his place), and then let Tyler know that I was just waking up, and I could... really go for some more sleep...

...but I guess he got the picture, since I closed my eyes for a moment and then felt my phone vibrate again in my paw. Thirteen minutes had passed in that one blink, and I'd never actually hit the send button on my reply to Tyler. Whoopsie.

As I stirred further awake and rejoined the world of the living, my nose made me vaguely aware of the scent of food cooking, coming in through the air vent above and the space beneath my door. On weekends Dad doesn't really try to stick to his schedule too much, but - I guess he still doesn't need as much sleep as I do. I don't know. Just seems weird when someone can go to bed later than me, and still wake up earlier.

So I started padding my way down the hall, dressed only in pajama bottoms I'd grabbed from halfway under my bed and with my phone clutched loose in one paw. Halfway to the stairs another message from Tony came in, with a photo attached - and all of a sudden I was really hungry.

"Hey Dad," I called, and then had to pause to let a yawn out. "What's for breakfast?"

"Mornin', Matt." Sounded like he was just down in the living room, and also sounded like he had something in his muzzle. "There's some eggs and potatoes left over. I wasn't sure if you were gonna be up in time to eat. Um... there might be some meat in the fridge? So you could throw it all together into a breakfast burrito or somethin'."

Hard to really say why, but, just... the way he didn't treat me any differently than before rang a chord in my heart, and for a second I paused halfway down the stairs with my other paw on the handrail. The older dingo lounged back in one of the recliners in front of the TV, one leg crossed over the other in front of him, TV remote on his belly with a bowl sitting on his chest. He, too, had elected for the just-pajamas look today, though he also had on one of his slightly-too-baggy sleeveless shirts.

Maybe he was watching me come down the stairs? Since not long after I stopped, his eyes flicked over to me, with his muzzle soon to follow. "What's up?"

"Huh?" My ears perked, and I tightened my grip around my phone. Y'know, one of the reasons I didn't slide it into my pocket was because pajamas don't really squeeze the hips too tightly, and then I'd just end up pantsing myself in front of my father. Not again. "Oh - uh, nothing. Was just thinking." And I continued down the stairs. "Oh. Hey, Lexi and Tyler were wanting to come hang out today. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course." He glanced down to the bowl on his chest, and moved it down so he could more easily move the spoon. "I don't have any plans today, though, so you'll have to deal with your stinky ol' dad here."

That wouldn't really turn out to be a problem. Lexi and my dad get along well enough, and then when it's him and Tyler alone in a room together... God, if he weren't clearly a jackal, I'd think we might actually be related. One time he came over for some help with homework, and the three of us ended up staying up until two AM watching old recordings of Dad's favorite TV show, with the two of them laughing like goddamn hyenas.

My nose just twitched more once I'd made my way into the kitchen. The pans were still warm, and he'd left the cheese out for me; instead of putting in the extra effort to warm up the meat, I just did exactly what he had and dumped everything into a bowl, and sprinkled some of that cheese on top. Then just before I stepped back into the living room, something stopped me, footpaw half on the tile and half on the carpet.

I peeked my head around the corner. "Hey Dad?"

His ears swivelled around to me, but he kept his focus on the TV. "Mm?"

"Um." I swallowed. "Love you."

Couldn't tell whether that was just his tail flicking, or the start of a little wag. He turned around and grinned at me. "Love you too, pal. When're your friends coming over?"

"Uhh..." I flicked through my phone real quick. We hadn't really yet decided on a time yet, but... "An hour or so, I guess?"

"Alright. Help me clean up when you're done eating? And I want your input on dinner tonight. We have a bunch of stuff, but we gotta figure out how we wanna put it together."

~ ~ ~

The smile I greeted Tyler with was one that bore the weight of worry, deep beneath the surface. I think Lexi knew what was going on, too, since when she stepped forward through the front door, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and brought me in for a hug, and held me there just a little bit longer and tighter than usual.

"Sandra told me," she whispered, while Ty went and greeted my dad. That gave me a bit of a shock; I can't believe it slipped my mind to let her know about the development. "Good job, Matt. I'm really proud of you."

"Hey!" the jackal called, from behind me. "Quit mackin' on my gal. You got your own, don'tcha?"

Ha. Ha ha. Lexi unfolded herself from me and I gave Tyler my best embarrassed laugh - and saw Dad over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. Our gazes met for a fraction of a second, and he turned back to the TV. In the time since we'd finished breakfast and gotten everything cleaned up and put away, he'd gotten up maybe... three times total. When he said he had nothing planned for today, it never really clicked just what that meant.

Tyler bumped my shoulder when he came back up to us, tail wagging behind him. He adjusted his backpack over his shoulders. "Well," he went on, "lead the way. I brought my laptop - I just beat the new Acceleron game and there's a cool thing I wanna show you."

"Man," I said, trying to root through my brain for something to keep the conversation up. I almost tripped on the first step up the stairs. "I haven't had time to look at it at all. Been busy with... school..." ...and my boyfriend.

"Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. It's spring break now, and you bet I'm gonna be over here making you play it. Your computer's better for it than mine."

I'd gotten Dad to throw in some of his own money to help me build a pretty-okay system with the given excuse that "some of the programs I need to use for school are a bit processor-intensive". Which wasn't a lie, really. But he knew why I really wanted it, and I think he considered his help as part of a reward for me doing well on my exams last semester, especially after that whole thing with Sasha.

But, like... speaking of exams, you know that feeling you get, where you have one in your last class of the day but can't stop thinking about it leading up to that? And it's weighing down in the back of your mind and on your chest, and you're always slightly nervous, slightly shaky, and feel kind of ill? Today with Tyler, knowing what would inevitably come of this... it had the same sort of effect on me. The three of us got up to my room - we didn't close the door, like usual - and I sat back in my desk chair while Lexi and Ty settled down on the bed, blankets still thrown back from when I'd gotten up earlier.

That same worry could be seen in Lexi's eyes, too, ears half-splayed while Tyler started going through his bag. She did her best to perk them up when he looked over at her, though, and her tail did give a weak wag when he leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"So," the jackal went on, as if totally oblivious to the mood in the room. I kept my phone clutched in my paw, knowing that Tony had replied to my other message a moment back. Right now we were talking about having him over for dinner Tuesday.

Oh God, I thought. Here it comes. 'Tell me about this girl'-

"You know the boss from number 2, right? That big, like... worm-slug thing?"

Took me a moment to process that what he'd said was different from my expectations. I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of admitting to him... "Y... yeah?"

"Yeah. Okay. The boss in 3 is, like, related to that - I wanna show you, it's a real cool fight - and it's also better since you can actually go back and farm it instead of just the one fight, and it's nowhere near as much of a pain as the thing in the first... hey-" Here, he held out the end of his laptop charger. "Could you plug me in? I've been on it since I woke up, man... good shit..."

Lexi leaned against his side, and he put his arm around her. One of her ears flicked. "You know, exams are coming up after the break - you should spend some time studying."

"I'm gonna! Believe me, I'm gonna! Just, like..." He leaned in close to the screen, and typed something in. "The weekend before. My first exam isn't 'til that Wednesday. So, I got time... how 'bout you, Matt? Knowing you, you're probably gonna spend, what... from this Tuesday on studying, huh?"

I swallowed. Then, before I could stop myself- "Aaaaactually, I, uh... have plans Tuesday."

Lexi's ears perked. Tyler glanced up at me again.

"What? Really? What could you have going on?" Then he glared, and grinned. "Are you cheating on us? I thought we were the only friends you hung out with-"

"Actually, uh-" Really, I hadn't expected myself to turn things this direction. "I'm supposed to be having dinner with-"

But, when shown the way, Tyler swiftly and gladly took the wheel. His grin widened. "Your girlfriend?"

Oh boy. Lexi and I looked at each other. I swallowed. "W-well, actually with, uh - with Tony..."

Then, that grin faltered. Tyler's brow furrowed in confusion. "Wait, you're still hanging out with him? Have I - have I told you I don't really like him, for some reason?"

Was... was that supposed to change how I felt about him? If anything, that last little bit of info just gave more life to the fire burning in my chest, just a moment before starting to flicker and wane with now-so-familiar nervousness. Now, though, it flared up.

Couldn't stop myself. This was confidence, force the kind that I wish I could've had the whole time. I swallowed again- "Well, you better get used to him. 'Cause he's-" - roadblock, speedbump, a branch lying across the road... that I just had to buckle down and brace my foot more firmly against the gas - "my boyfriend."

Remember what I said about last night's silence, after I told Dad? Well... this time, it seemed that even the fan in Tyler's laptop stopped. Lexi gasped softly, I guess since she wasn't expecting me to be so up-front about it, and... well, I couldn't really tell what Tyler thought about it. Partly because I couldn't bear the eye contact any longer after saying it, and promptly looked towards anywhere else in the room.

Sounded like he tried to say something, but then either changed his mind or couldn't go through with his original thought. Then, quietly: "Are you... wait, don't tell me you're serious?"

My phone vibrated again. I squeezed my lips more tightly together, and risked a glance up to the jackal: he stared back at me, mouth hanging open, whiskers forward, ears up.

Oh my God, he mouthed, and then slapped his laptop shot and slid it back into his backpack, charger cable popping free of the side. I could just barely hear what he said next, beneath the noise of him swinging his bag back up over his shoulder again-

"-no wonder I didn't like 'im-"

-and without another word Tyler was gone down the hall, with the rhythmic thumping of him making his way down the stairs soon after... and then the door opening, and closing behind him.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, and then leaned back in my chair with my muzzle pointed up towards the ceiling. "Aah, God."

Lexi sat still for a moment, paws still half-raised, and then suddenly jumped to her feet. I watched as she went over to the window by the bed and peered out. "Did he just..."

"What?"

My ears noticed before I myself did: slamming of the car door, low rumble of the engine starting... "Oh my God. He did."

Now there was a kind of exhausted exhilaration pumping through my veins, that feeling you get when you just get off a crazy rollercoaster - I'm all pumped up, but I'm not sure I wanna do that again. "What? What did he do?"

"He left." Lexi glanced back to me, and let the blinds close again. "Tyler just... fuckin' left. Got in his car and drove off."

"Oh." For some reason, that was all I could think to say. "He left his laptop charger."

"And his girlfriend. I'm just - damn. Are you alright, Matt?"

"I mean... yeah." I just shrugged, and looked back to my phone. The words on the screen didn't register for a moment, but when they did, this weird feeling in my chest retreated somewhat.

We still need to finish up our astronomy project... it is due the week after we get back, right? I think we can do ok if we just wait a while longer, and then do one more recording. Do you think maybe we can do it at your house next?

"I don't know. It's like... I guess I was expecting it? After you and Sandra warned me, I mean." Another shrug.

"Yeah, but..." Lexi took a few steps toward me, tail lashing behind her. "That's your best friend."

This time, the words came themselves. "Not anymore, maybe. I don't know - maybe he'll come around. If he doesn't wanna talk to me... whatever, right?"

Hazel-green eyes squinted at me. The tip of her tail tickled against the front of my shins, and I rolled my muzzle down to look at her.

Then, Lexi motioned with her paws. "Get up."

"What?"

"C'mon. Just do it."

So I did - and then those paws settled first on my shoulders, then drifted down my back as she pulled me into a hug. First was the smooth fruity-floral scent of perfume, some kind of citrus atop a deeper berry scent, and then the slightly jagged natural aroma of fox; made my nose curl, but not really in a bad way. Took a moment before my body responded in turn, and I wrapped my arms back around her.

"You know," she said, breath warm across my ear. It flicked a few times in response to this. "You're taking this, uh... really well."

"Taking what?"

"The whole being-gay thing." She released me, but remained there in front of me. I flopped back into the chair. "Or. Bi?"

Yet another shrug. "You'll excuse me if I haven't put that much thought into it."

"Yeah, true. It's just, like... when my brother first started, uh, questioning... well." The mattress squeaked quietly once she settled back down onto it, paws on her knees. "I didn't know at the time when that started. But once he'd come to terms with it, and when he talked to me about it after... I could see that there'd been a very clear change in him. He was... kind of nervous all the time, had trouble sleeping, really... twitchy, I guess. I don't - I don't know. I'm just talkin'."

"Yeah..." I sighed, and opened my phone's messaging screen. "Yeah, that would be good. Hey - do you think you could come over for dinner Monday, instead?"

"I just can't really believe he can be so childish about some things." The vixen dropped her muzzle into her paws. "Tyler, I mean. Like, I've known this about him for a while. Pretty much since we started going out, and he learned about my brother-"

"I didn't."

"Probably because that wasn't something that really ever came up between you two. I mean, he's certainly not interested in guys, and... up until, like, three minutes about, he thought you weren't either. That's not something that-" Lexi straightened back up, and raised her paws for air-quotes. "-bros talk about. Ugh. Every time it comes up, I just..." Those paws balled into fists for a moment, before she rested them back beside her. "I'm sorry. Matt, are you sure you're okay?"

Hard to tell right now. So much going on, so much that'd changed... my phone vibrated in my paw again, and I looked down at the screen.

:o I can check with Mama. Is everything ok?

I swallowed, and gave her my best smile. "Yeah. I'll be fine. Um - do you want me to give you a ride home?"

"Nah. Not yet. I mean, you're still my friend, right? And, besides, he needs to cool off a bit." She waved a paw. "Frankly he doesn't deserve either of our time when he's in a mood like this."

That little statement turned my smile a little more genuine. Just that, and... right now, the one thing I knew I wanted, was to see that cheetah again. That was reassuring and refreshing in itself, both of these.