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Painful Solitude

Chapter 4

Zane stared at Alex, no clear emotion on his face. Alex felt a panic coming on and wondered if his friend was about to bolt to the door. But the red-furred teen didn't move, his eyes narrowing, then widening as if he was thinking. He opened his mouth to speak, then decided against it, and went back to just looking at Alex. After a few very long, grueling minutes, he took a few steps forward and sat on the bed.

"You...like me?" he repeated.

"Yeah."

"You mean...like as in...like, like me?"

"...Yeah."

Zane was silent again, his vision sweeping the room over and over. Alex wasn't sure whether this was turning out to be a bad thing, or if this was a good reaction. So far, it was much better than what he had expected. Alex came forward, sitting on his bed, further away from Zane than normal. If he was planning on running, Alex didn't want to give him more of a reason to do so.

"Wow, Ax," Zane said, his voice quiet. "I...I don't know what to say."

Though it wasn't exactly the response he had wished for, Alex was just glad that he didn't run away. Now he had to say something to keep Zane from freaking out.

"You don't have to say anything," Alex spoke, avoiding his friend's eyes. "I know it's probably awkward for you, and I don't expect you to feel the same way that I do. I know you like girls, so don't worry about me. I'm okay. I'm just glad that we are friends. I've really just wanted to tell you because it's been eating away at me, and just saying it aloud makes me feel a whole lot better. So, if you don't mind, I'd still like to keep our friendship just the way it is."

Zane frowned, shaking his head. "I don't know if I can do that. Just keep it the way it is..."

Alex's ears drooped as he felt a pang in his chest. Now he was the one that wanted to run for the door. He really messed up now. He shouldn't have said anything. Zane would probably leave, then tell everyone what had happened. He would quit the band, go away to college after high school, and never talk to anyone again. Hopefully, Alex thought, when he chooses to leave, he doesn't get hit by a car.

Zane stood, pacing a few steps. "There's just so much that you don't know about me, Alex. And this just changes the whole situation."

"Then just tell me, Zane! Talk to me, please. Why can't you keep our friendship the same as it has always been?"

"Because, Alex...."

He sighed, clasping his paws together tightly.

Zane looked at him again, paws falling to his sides helplessly. "Because I like you, too, Ax."

Alex had to do a double-take. Had he heard that right? Zane...liked him back? It was like music to his ears! But apparently, there was more to be heard because Zane continued.

"All of these months, going on and off with Kayla, I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happy with her. Even when we would spend time together, I couldn't think right. I knew that I should have been paying attention to her, but it wasn't her that I was thinking about. All of my thoughts kept coming back to you....And I knew that what I was feeling was a little more than what I should have been feeling. I tried to shake it off. That's the only reason I got back with her so many times. Trying to see if maybe it would wear off. But it didn't. And when you came to me that day after school, I was trying so hard not to tell you, because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. That you would just freak out, run off...and maybe get hit by a car in the process."

Alex laughed on the inside, thinking of when he'd joked with Evan by saying the exact same thing.

"I've had these...feelings for a long time now," Zane spoke, his voice calm. "And I just got to be so good at hiding them, I figured I would just keep the mask on. I mean, no one here, well, besides Leon, knows about my past. So I was able to just start over. And I think I tried so hard to do that just to please my parents. But today, I really started to think. I haven't been true to myself, and I can't keep doing that. When you invited me here for Halloween yesterday, I was so happy. And to be honest, I was a little worried about what I might do. But...to hear you actually come out and say that you like me...it changes everything."

"Why?" Alex said, holding back tears. He didn't want Zane to go.

"Because. I can't just go back to how it was. I mean, I like you, and you like me, so..."

Alex paused. Maybe he was looking at this all wrong. Zane wasn't ending their friendship. In fact, if he was right, then Zane was-

"Zane? Are you asking me out?"

For the first time since they'd met, Alex saw that Zane was nervous. "Um...yeah, I guess I am."

Alex could barely contain himself. He jumped up, smile taking over his face. Zane looked surprised, but Alex couldn't help it. He walked over to his best friend-wait, boyfriend-and squeezed him tightly, lifting the shorter teen off the floor. Once back on the ground, Zane looked at Alex, wide-eyed. For a moment, Alex was confused before realizing he hadn't actually given Zane an answer.

"Yes!" he spoke, excited. "I will go out with you. So...can I call you my boyfriend now?"

Zane looked like he hadn't actually thought about that question. "Yeah. I guess that would be accurate, so it's only logical."

"Oh, you're so cute when you talk like a smart person!"

Alex was so giddy that he was practically dancing around the room. Zane, still calm despite his happiness, simply sat back on the bed, watching with a smile on his face. After exhausting himself, Alex sighed, finally taking a seat next to him.

"So, if I may ask," Alex smiled. "All this time that I've been crushing on you, you've been crushing on me. Even when you were dating Kayla?."

"Correct," Zane said, a slight smirk showing. "Even during that short time when you were dating Marcus in freshman year."

"No! Don't ever say that! We never talk about that."

Zane laughed quietly. The two were silent for a few moments, a pleasant silence between two people who always knew they were more than friends. After a few minutes, Zane stood, pulling his long black costume over his head so that he wore only his normal day clothes. As he folded the costume neatly, Alex grinned deviously to himself. This way, it was much easier to well, check out Zane's ass. Even if they were dating, he still didn't think it was appropriate to announce such a thing. At least, not yet...

"So, we're dating now," Alex spoke, his voice low.

Zane simply looked at him, taking his seat on the bed.

"Does that mean...I...can kiss you?"

Zane didn't give him an answer in words. For a moment, the two locked eyes, Zane's reading a little more fearful than Alex's. It obviously wasn't his first kiss, but he didn't want to give Alex a bad impression. Alex, on the other hand, was just eager for the moment. He'd longed for this for years, and he was finally getting his wish.

It happened slowly, each of them inching closer to the other. They leaned in, each yearning for the feel of the other's lips, their noses rubbing together softly with affection. Alex tilted his head slightly, making the connection. He was surprised with how soft Zane's lips were, pleasant and warm. He tried not to smile as he heard the shorter boy take in a shaky breath between pecks. After a few minutes, Alex blindly moved his paw over the bed, finding Zane's paw that was holding him up. He covered the smaller paw with his own, gently caressing his knuckles. Zane opened his mouth a little more, allowing Alex to deepen the kiss. The wolf took the opportunity, his tongue gliding around his boyfriend's mouth. It all seemed right. The feel of Zane's paw under his, the spark of the kiss, the slight taste of chocolate from Zane's kisses.

Alex took the arm beneath his, gently moving Zane's support from beneath him. Without breaking the kiss, Alex guided his boyfriend onto his back. Alex refrained from climbing on top of him, simply lying by his side, leaning in for their little make-out session. Zane didn't pull away, and he didn't try to stop it. One of his paws held onto Alex's nape, gently brushing against his grey ears. The other remained in Alex's soft grip. After nearly fifteen minutes of making out, he felt Alex's paw break free, slowly sliding down his body. Down his chest, his stomach. Before it could get any lower, Zane quickly grabbed the roaming extremity, smiling as Alex gently broke the kiss.

"We've only been dating for twenty minutes," Zane said, his voice quiet and somewhat seductive. "Let's save that for another time."

Alex nodded and smiled, lying next to him, one arm stretched across Zane's midsection. They were silent again, reveling in the glory from their kissing. Alex smiled, tasting the chocolate that lingered on his lips. Zane sure was a good kisser. And he was somewhat curious where he'd gotten the practice.

"Z, can I ask you a somewhat personal question?"

Zane shrugged slightly, still relaxed on the bed. "Sure."

"Did you ever kiss Kayla like that?"

"To be honest, no. I'm surprised that she never realized I wasn't into her. Her and I, we never did anything too romantic, and we rarely kissed. When we did, it was just a little peck. I was never truly interested in kissing her." He paused. "If you really want to know, Alex, I've never kissed anyone like that."

"You've never made out with anyone?"

"Not like that, no. I've had one kiss that lasted a few minutes, but nothing like what we just did. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. So you're...still....?"

Zane laughed. "Yes, I'm a virgin. Why is that so hard to say?"

"...It's not! I just always assumed that...I don't know. I'm sorry."

"No, you don't have to be sorry. You can ask me whatever you want. I won't get mad. I'll tell you everything about me that you want to know. Well, at least, what you don't already know."

"Anything?"

"Sure. Ask away."

Alex flashed a sneaky grin. "Okay. What did you do that got you kicked out of the religious boarding school?"

Zane gasped. "You little sneak! Didn't you try to get this out of me last month?"

"Aw, come on, Z! I won't tell anyone! I've always wanted to know." He gave the sad puppy look. "Please?"

"Well, I guess it won't hurt, seeing as you already know what's been on my mind lately. It's really not even that bad, but the religious people didn't like it."

Alex waited for the answer, but Zane didn't speak. "So, tell me!"

"I got caught kissing another boy in the halls."

Alex laughed. "You, what?!"

"Yes, that's my deep, dark secret. I didn't even know the boy really, and I don't think he was too happy about it. I was just itching to get out of that place so bad, and I know how religious buffs get about those kinds of things. So I just kind of attacked the poor pup in the hall when I knew the headmaster would be around."

"You really don't seem like the type to do that."

"I'm not. It was a desperate situation. And hey, it got me out of that place. Of course, I already knew I liked guys, so that wasn't the problem with me. I just had to work up the courage to do it. And, if I do say so myself, I did a fantastic job. My parents weren't, and still aren't happy about it. But...I don't really care anymore."

"Well, I'm glad you did it. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have met you."

Zane smiled. "Me too. Hey, what do you think the others are going to say when they find out about us?"

"Well, seeing as most of them already know how I feel for you, they'll probably be happy. Shocked, but happy. Except Leon. I don't know what he will think. I think he's the only one other than you that didn't know. I never told him because I was afraid he would tell you."

"That's funny. If you would have told him, he would have told you that I liked you."

"So we could have been together a lot sooner?" Alex smiled, contently. "That's okay. I'm glad for what we have now. You know, Z, this sleepover is going a lot better than I planned."

"Then you planned? So the overnighter was your idea and you tried to blame it on your mom! You are sneaky. I'll have to keep that in mind."

"Yes," Alex said, unable to control his grinning. "You keep that in mind."

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Sorry it's a bit shorter than the others. I try to make chapters one day at a time.

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