FSE

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Darkness surrounded me, physically and emotionally. Whenever I tried to calm myself, I always thought about my friends, then my confrontation with Redd. Then, I would just get more depressed, and storm clouds would invade my mind, casting a dark and gloomy shadow before it flooded with inescapable thoughts. Redd probably hated me after what I did, and it was the worst feeling in the world. I should've just walked back the narrow two-lane street, the winds blowing my jet black hair into a shroud over my vision. The moonlight didn't help much, as the silver crescent of light was not much to brighten the atmosphere. It was too bad that I needed it.

The vague shapes of the houses left me in confusion, and the numbers emblazoned on each mailbox were hard to read even as I approached them not five feet away. The trees swayed back and forth in the breeze, and the brightest of the white flowers brushed against my legs as I wandered down the sidewalk. The only enjoyment I could have gotten without my neighbors thinking I was a no-good trespasser on their property (in reality, I probably was), were the stars shining from above. The little twinkling lights mixed with the more static reflections from planets. The constellations from my childhood I easily picked out, like the wheel and the pyramid. The passing of faint red and blue lights marked the helicopters and airplanes from overnight flights. To be able to fly would have been an awe-inspiring experience for me, but I realized it was so that I could escape life here in Farrow, and move on to a new life in peace away from all of the stress. Hopeful thinking, I know.

After walking the next few blocks, a pair of headlights shone down the street. I thought it was Redd coming to get me, but the car passed me, the brass numbers of mailboxes reflecting a dirty golden glow. The closest set of digits read 135, meaning I was pretty close. Just a few more houses, and I would lay in bed for the rest of my life.

I took the time to evaluate what my life was going to become. First, I'll have to find a job to support myself. I don't even have a resume, so I will have to do that. I have not decided what college to apply to, so I need to do that as well. Eventually, I need to move out into my own home, but I don't have a job to support myself yet. I have to apply for a credit card, then get a driver's license. Not to mention having to stay in touch with my friends.

Oh wait, they weren't my friends to begin with.

"So stupid," I muttered. I forgot what compelled me to run home even though it was still too dark to see past my feet.

I managed to reach the mailbox with 127 adorned on the white plastic. The lights were still on, and my parents opened the door as I walked up the driveway. They seemed relieved in a sense. My mom's tail flicked when she stared at me and my messy clothes.

"Isaac, are you okay? Did someone hurt you? Where are your friends? I thought they would have brought you home."

"I walked."

"What happened to your clothes?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

She grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into her personal space.

"I need to know if you're okay."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Okay, sweetie," she sighed. "Just change into something else, and I'll take care of your clothes tonight."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Don't mention it."

She kissed me on the cheek and took my jacket from my hand, the egg residue now dried up and the alcohol smell barely noticeable. My dad glared out of the window, muttering under his breath. He seemed on edge after seeing me, so he must have known something was up. He didn't say anything to me; he just let me go upstairs and change into fresh clothes. He wasn't the least bit suspicious that I didn't call them beforehand.

I ambled up the staircase, my tail knocking against my legs after each deliberate step. My bedroom was just as I had left it that morning: a mess. Blankets and pillows were strewn about trying to find clothes. Books were laid out with specific page numbers in this weird game I played. My deck of cards was on the dresser next to the bathroom door instead of on my nightstand, and my clock sat on the soft carpet in front of the TV. Videogame discs were stacked in front of the windowsill next to the TV stand, the bottom one I knew was getting scratched. All of these things had been meticulously positioned out of place, and I didn't care.

I grabbed a fresh sky blue shirt with red sleeves, and my pajama pants decorated with pixel-art stars. I hopped in the shower, and scrubbed out the rest of the egg out of my hair and fur. A small drop of red from my nose mixed in with the basin water, but I was too tired to even acknowledge the blood. Granted, I didn't acknowledge any physical pain because the emotional toll was punishment enough.

After I turned the showerhead off, I seized a towel from its rack and opened the medicine cabinet for my hairbrush and body brush, so my fur wouldn't mat up later. Upon taking the brushes, I noticed the bottle of aspirin sitting between stomach medicine and the toothpaste. I considered taking a pill to rid myself of the bruising, but after I took one, I didn't feel much better.

The thoughts of Redd's probable hatred and loathing of me, combined with Grayson's little prank left me broken. How could I be so stupid? I should've known from the start that Grayson was up to no good. Redd only tried to help me after I got hurt, but before that, she didn't even seem concerned. She just left me with that guy. Redd, my best friend in the whole world, and she didn't even apologize for it. She wouldn't look at me. Did she have something against me, like Grayson did? I was born as this stupid person, and I would always be stupid. I never asked to be a hybrid! Why couldn't my parents just leave each other alone so that I wouldn't be born? If I wasn't born like this, then Grayson would never have had the reason to berate me and spread that hateful rumor that escalated into the infamous fight of my high school career. And none of them would have had the chance to abandon me like that. Maybe, I shouldn't have been born at all. Maybe, I should listen to those people on the news and just end it. I want to end this feeling. I need to end this feeling. I need to end it all.

I fiddled with the bottle in my hand before I sprawled out on my bed, the bottle situated on the nightstand, just in case. I lied there, ready for my last sleep. I was ready for the darkness to consume me, to use me for whatever purposes it had in the afterlife. I glanced at that bottle so many times, I had memorized the ingredients. Even if there was a god, I didn't think He would be forgiving of me. There was something that kept me from taking the cap off and letting my heart stop: my parents would have to pay for the funeral, and I didn't want them to worry about me.

I don't feel this way now, far from it. I was in a very bad place in my life at the time. I didn't know it could have gotten worse than lying in bed, contemplating the most serious decision anyone could make at the time.

My eyes had barely shut before the rapping of my bedroom door caught my attention. Redd's muffled voice buried my head into a pillow.

"Isaac? Are you okay? Please tell me."

"Go away, Redd. You hate me!"

"No, not at all! What makes you think that?"

"You left me all alone with that thing people call Grayson."

"Isaac, I'm sorry for not being by your side, and Tazu and Usala apologize as well. I guess we kinda got caught up in all of the, um, activities. I hope you can forgive me."

"Why should I? Just so you can abandon me again?"

Redd hesitated before trying to open the door.

"Don't bother, Redd. I locked it."

"I made a mistake and I feel terrible for doing it. I am really sorry for letting Grayson hurt you. I don't want you to be mad at me. We're friends for life, right?"

"Sure doesn't seem that way."

"Please, give me another chance, and I promise I will never let you down again. I swear on our lives that I will never ever leave you like that again."

"Fine," I sighed. "If it'll let you leave sooner."

"Thanks, Ike. I'm glad we have that settled."

"It's not just that."

"Then, what is it?"

"Why am I...me?"

"Listen," she sighed, "There's worse things to be than being a hybrid."

I could tell she was getting frustrated. So I let her.

"I know, Redd. Being a murderer, an arsonist, a conservative extremist, I get it. But there's just one difference."

"What?"

"I am stuck like this."

Another pause. Redd sniffed.

"Ike. That just gives you more reason to be the best you can be. Since you can't change being a hybrid, you have to learn to be comfortable with being yourself. Your parents support you. Your friends like you. Almost everyone you meet smiles when you're around."

"What about Grayson?"

"Fuck...Grayson. He can't see the beautiful person I've known for fifteen years! I know more about you than he's willing to know about himself."

Honestly, that made me chuckle a bit, but she wasn't done.

"You are the sweetest person I know, you make me laugh, you make me smile, and you stand up for others. I just need you to do one thing, Ike."

"What?"

"Stand up for yourself."

I climbed out of bed, put the bottle up, and unlocked the door. Her face scrunched up when she saw the door slowly reveal my tired and exhausted expression.

"Redd, I?"

She pulled me and wrapped her arms around my body. I nearly winced from the bruising, but the soft touch of her arms on my back was therapeutic. View it however you want, but I saw it as a necessity. The sharp switch from depressed to ecstatic was too emotionally jarring for me, and I finally broke down. I started crying hysterically in front of her, and my tears dropped to her shoulder as I stammered out my apology.

"I'm...so...sorry," I said, my frenzied mental state restricting each syllable.

"You're okay, Isaac. Just breathe."

I dropped to the floor, releasing all of my tension collected over the years in a single outburst. Redd patted my back and comforted me like I was a child. I sensed the analogy and tried to regain my composure, but I couldn't bear to straighten myself out. Eventually, after all of that, I calmed down enough to speak clearly.

"Please forgive me for not listening earlier."

"No, you should forgive me for leaving you like that. I thought you could handle being by yourself, without me around. I'm not gonna be with you for the rest of your life. But I guess you still need me for the time being. Can you forgive me?"

"I guess so, now that you actually gave me a reason."

"Good. Now please stand up, your parents are coming up the stairs."

I wiped away the waterworks and stood straight. Before seeing my mom race down the hallway, I whispered into Redd's ear.

"Thanks. I needed that."

***

My mom was wondering if I was still "fine", and I told her that Redd and I were just talking, masking the emotional pain and relief I had experienced two minutes beforehand. She was still a little anxious from earlier, but has since calmed down enough to listen to our proposal.

"Isaac was a little tense from the party, so I was thinking of taking him and the rest of the group down to the campgrounds. You know, for a little R and R."

"I'm not sure, considering what happened at that party..."

"Mom, this will just be me, Redd, Tazu, and Usala. No one else except a few hikers, okay?"

She looked at me like I had teleported from an alternate dimension.

"Just please promise me. Please, please promise me this: you'll call me when you get there, when you leave, and whenever you get into trouble during the trip. I don't want to sound clingy or controlling, but I need to hear that you're all right. For my sake."

"I promise I'll call. With the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster as my witness, I shall keep my promise."

Redd and I joined in a little chuckle, but my mom shrugged and nodded, before leaving downstairs into the living room.

"Well, I gotta get home," Redd said, "or my parents will call the cops and send out an APB. I'll see you tomorrow at, let's say, six o'clock?"

"That is perfectly fine."

"Great! I'll just call up Taz and Sala once I get home."

"They're not with you?"

"Nah, I dropped them off already. I just happened to pass by your house on the way home. Good thing, too. You seemed pretty desperate."

"Hey!"

"Relax, I'm kidding. Good night, Ike."

"G'night, Redd."

I watched her disappear down the stairs, and her voice muddled my mom's and my dad's voices before the front door slammed shut. My door slammed shut as I stepped inside my bedroom, taking my surroundings in again. I grabbed the remote that laid in the first drawer of my nightstand and watched some late-night variety and comedy shows. I tried to enjoy it, but the sobering thoughts of contemplating an overdose decked my face with a blank and unmoving expression. I switched channels until I settled for this cartoon about a duck in a magical lake.

"What will they think of next?" I mumbled.

I let the TV stay on mute for the rest of the night before burrowing under the covers.

"It was a great thing, Redd. A really great thing."

I turned my body on its side and retired into my dreamscape, a peaceful end to an otherwise hectic day.