Do you remember?
#2 of A Little Box of Letters
Age: 9 -- Month: 1
Dear Mommy, Why do you always notice when I do something wrong, but never when I do something right? I started to notice it last year when I was 8. do you remember? I tried to clean the kitchen for you. I cleaned the counters.. I washed the stove.. I swept and mopped the floors after the rest of my chores were done, I wanted it to be a surprise. I worked for hours when I could have been out playing with my friends, all to make you proud.. I even went without making my dinner that night just so it would all be clean when you got home.
Do you remember? All you said to me when you finally got home was: "You did it wrong.." I tried to do it over for you too, but I couldn't see well enough to work on it.. I curled up in a ball there in the kitchen while you read your books and sobbed for an hour.. Did you even hear me? Do you even care?
It's always been like this though, hasn't it? You used to praise me when I was little, but wheres that praise now? Am I too old for you to tell me you're proud of me? Does a mothers love stop on a certain birthday? When was the last time, do you remember? Because I do.. I was six years old, I wrote a poem and you printed it out, you framed it and even took it to work and showed it off.. You made a big fuss over it. Now? Now I get strait A's in school, I write poems every day better than I did when I was six.. I draw, beautifully but do you notice?
You never notice the good things I do, but you always notice the bad things.. My rooms a little messy so you tell me it smells like rotting eggs.. I left my sports stuff on the couch again, so you scream at me to put it away.. I'm sorry mommy, I want to make you proud, please don't hate me.. But it's all I ever get.. playful jabs and yelling, subtle words that cut deeper than any knife and make me want to die inside..
I love you mommy.. I used to say it all the time, do you remember? I used to be your little boy, I used to want to take care of myself, I wanted to make you proud.. Do you remember? Did you even see? Or do I remind you too much of daddy? You said I reminded you a little of him last year..
I'm sorry...