Chapter 8: Yiff
Imported from SF2 with no description.
Author's Note - Nov. 6 2024: This chapter is not my favorite, and if I remember correctly, it wasn't even when I was writing this. This chapter is the result of me not being fully adjusted to the furry fandom yet. As I've mentioned, I wrote this story years ago. I've developed a lot since then, and I feel like you can probably see that in my work.
Chapter 8: Yiff
Perspective: Gordon
I was awakened by a knock at the door. I sat up and it came again, more insistent this time. I sighed heavily and rolled Lana off of me gently. She was a heavy sleeper. Also, just generally kind of heavy.
"Hold on." I groaned, standing.
I opened the door, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. I had barely focused on the blurry form of councilor Iona Peters.
"Meeting in the council room." she said. "There’s something you two need to know about."
"Meeting?" I asked. "Is it an emergency?"
"It’s… pretty bad. You should get there quickly."
"Hey, usually I’m the one calling the meetings." I chuckled as I strolled into the room. No one responded with even so much as a brief nasal exhale. Instead, the room was filled with a palpable dread. Iona sat at the table and clicked at her computer, bringing up an image on the briefing screen. The image was of Lana and I standing next to each other. Iona tapped a key and a new image of myself and my significant other appeared; one of us in bed. Iona tapped the keyboard again. There were more images.
"What is this…?" I hissed.
"These images were posted to Twitter at 1am today." Iona said. "Public response was… bad, to say the least. Anti-furry sentiment has gone up by almost 20%."
"Any clue as to who posted them?" Lana said through her teeth, as incensed as I was.
"We’re working on it." Iona responded, clearing her throat.
"Do you two have anything to say for yourselves?"
The hair on my back bristled at Eddie’s tone and I fixed the red fox with a glare.
"I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were a part of this council." I growled.
"He’s on the science team." Iona said quietly. "But Gordon, I don’t think now is the right time to be—"
"You… you have the audacity to pull a move like this, knowing what would happen if you got caught!" Eddie snarled. "You know exactly how the world sees people like us, and you played right into that stereotype!"
"I’m not going to apologize for having a relationship! How the hell was I supposed to know someone would bug my damn bedroom?" I said. "And I mean it could be worse! It’s not like I was watching fucking porn or anything!"
Eddie kept his eyes on mine, holding my gaze with a glare as he reached over to Iona’s computer and tapped the keyboard, twice. The next image was of me sitting at my computer, then of the computer screen. A pit of dread dropped into my gut as I saw that whoever had leaked the images had also taken quite a few hidden pictures from my computer’s harddrive. My darkest secret stared back at me from the screen.
I sank into my chair.
For a long time there was only a dreadful silence, filled with the judgement and scorn of my peers, my friends.
"I… I know it’s a dirty habit. I do." I sighed, putting my face in my hands. "I hate myself for it. I want you to know I do feel remorse for what I’ve done, for… tainting the image of a beautiful community. Because of me, so many turn away from the furry fandom in disgust or hate. I’ve made things worse for everyone else and for that I am so sorry."
There was a short and pitiful silence. No one was sure of what to say.
"I…I’m sorry. If you want me off the team, I understand."
I stood and walked to the door. No one stopped me from leaving.
——
I was in my bedroom lying on the bed when I heard someone coming. I begged the footsteps to pass by, but they stopped outside the door. There was a knock, a gentle one, but it still made me flinch.
When I didn’t answer, the door opened.
"Hey…" It was Lana’s voice, to my relief. She walked into the room and put a hand on my shoulder.
"How are you?" she asked.
"How do you think?" I asked, barely glancing at her. My voice was hoarse and sounded odd out loud.
"Well… if it’s any consolation… they found the guy." she said. "The one who took the pictures, I mean. They’ve got him in interrogation."
I nodded, not sure what else to do. I tried to control my breathing, but it did nothing for my growing anger.
"I’m, uh… going to use the restroom." I said, standing.
"Okay." she said. "Let me know if you need anything."
I walked out of the room and made my way across the hall, keeping my eyes forward and off of any eyes that might be on me. I focused on the doorknob of the interrogation room door as I turned it, focused on the floor, then the table, then the face of the horse anthro. I recognized him; Drake Layman, a recruit we had brought in last week. He looked up at me, saw me, and I saw my hate mirrored in his eyes. I grabbed his shoulder. Normally, I wouldn’t fight someone defenseless, even a slime ball from the AFA, but I couldn’t stop myself.
I hit him until I couldn’t feel my fists anymore, until his blood splattered over the floor. I wanted to hit him again, but someone grabbed my shoulders.
"Gordon! Gordon, stop!" Lana’s voice shouted. Her grip on me tightened, but her voice softened.
"Stop. Stop this. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here."
I sank to my knees. My breath shook and my shoulders trembled. I buried my face in her neck to hide the tears.
——
"I know in my time here I’ve kind of given the impression that I don’t care about how my actions impact the way others see us, the way the world sees our fandom, but that’s not true. It never has been. I know this will tarnish our reputation, not just the FSF, but all of us, all anthros. All furries. In a time when I knew we were on the brink of revolution… when image mattered more than anything, I ruined it. And for that, I’m sorry."
I took a breath. The council was silent.
"We… understand you’re prepared to step down from the Force…" Kaleb said. I nodded.
"It… seems like the ideal course of action." I said, bowing my head.
"I think the best course of action is to have faith in each other." said Iona Peters. "‘Yiffer’ or not, you founded this group on the principle of saving lives, and you’ve kept us on track of that goal ever since."
"The general consensus is that most people don’t hate you." Kaleb said. He was trying to joke, to lighten the tension, but it still sent a stab of ice through my heart to know that there were those who did.
"You’re a yiffer, sure, but you’re not one of the obnoxious ones." he continued. "You were quiet enough about it that it wasn’t obvious to anyone. If you went around hitting on every new recruit, we would have kicked you out a long time ago, but the damage was done when someone else exposed you. What happens in your bedroom is really no one’s business, especially not the AFA’s. That… sounded weird. I think I got off track with my point, but you get it."
The Council chuckled lightly, glad for a brief second of comic relief.
"Look," Kaleb sighed, "we as a community get way too much hate from everyone else out there already." He gestured to the Twitter post on the screen. "None of us would be here if we hadn’t experienced that hate first hand. Now, we get it more than ever. This is not the time to be turning more hate on each other."
"Well said, Ash." Eddie said with a nod.
I closed my eyes to keep the tears from falling as Lana placed her hand over mine.
"I’m sorry…" I said again. "I’m so sorry."
It was all I could think to say, the only words I had left. I willed myself to be strong, forced my way through the torrent of emotion and struggled not to cry in the middle of the meeting room.
I took a heavy breath and looked around at all of them.
"Thank you." I said. "As many of you vouched for me, I’m sure there are just as many who want me gone. I have to live with what I’ve done, but I’m willing to change. You’ve given me a second chance and I won’t waste it. If I have to die to do it, I will make sure I don’t leave a black mark on our history. I promise."
"Honestly, I feel you’re overreacting a little, Gordon." Iona said. I looked at her. "Of course I can’t imagine facing the council with such an embarrassing secret, let alone the world, but—Look, society has raised all of us into the mindset that sex and sexual desire is perverse and wrong, that it should be avoided, but in fact it’s just part of a healthy lifestyle. Now of course there is that uncomfortable stigma associated with the fandom, but furries have only just been forced into the spotlight. Before, people were mostly unaware of us, and now that the virus has forced them to accept us, they won’t just change their opinions of us overnight. We have a long road ahead. Let’s not stray off course because of a speed bump."
"Agreed." Kaleb said. "Who cares if this dumb Twitter post is the headline for a few weeks? We’re saving lives. That’s what we have to keep doing."
——
I drove my fists into the punching bag again and again, drowning out everything except the sound of the impacts until I was winded.
"Here…" Lana said, handing me a bottle of water.
"Thanks." I sighed.
The room was empty except for the two of us, but I heard the sound of someone just outside the door. I turned and caught a glimpse of Eddie’s orange fur.
"Hi…" he said as he stepped into the room. "Look, I… I just came to apologize for… before. The outburst against the two of you probably didn’t make things any easier."
"Thank you." I said with a sigh.
"I feel like we all tend to lose ourselves to instinct now and again these days." Eddie said.
"Things will be weird for awhile, but we’ll just have to deal with that."
Later, I was walking out of the training room when I caught a conversation down the hall.
"Right—I mean I do recognize that not all religious people are evil and use their faith as an excuse to be jerks, just some of the more extreme ones." Daniel was saying.
"Well, it’s good you recognize that." came the voice of an older woman; my mother.
"I guess it’s just that the more extreme people like that tend to be louder than the sane ones, so a lot of people tend to judge entire groups based on the loud ones." Daniel said.
"Wise words." the woman agreed. "I suppose that’s why you’re here; to raise your voice a bit, be louder than the people who have defined you."
"Yeah." Daniel said. "I think that’s why we’re all here."