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“Oh, my Gawd," Lori cursed in a mocking tone that was almost drowned out by the storm. “The town is actually called What-ever-ville?" Cruel laughter filled the air and it made Rachel scowl. Lori's general mean-girl status aside, Rachel had been thinking the same thing, but she would be damned before sinking to the level of Lori's casual cruelty.

“Whateleyville," Zachary corrected her.

“What-a-lay-ville?" Lori asked, laughing harder.

“What-a-" Rachel began but Dave cut her off.

“Should we go for food first or should we look for a motel?"

The storm was the only sound for a few seconds as Lori glared at her husband. Another round of thunder echoed as water ran in rivers down her skin. Rachel fumed jealously at the goddess of a woman who looked impressive even in the epic squall going on around them. Then, Lori spoke a single word.

“Shower."

Some general agreement was murmured around the group as Lori went blissfully silent, so Rachel also chose not to speak. She could not help but notice the woman was not walking normally. The inexperienced hiker had chosen form over function and those stupid designer boots had to be destroying the tall woman's feet.

At the start of their journey, Lori had said a bunch of unkind things about Rachel going into public dressed like a lumberjack and looking like a leprechaun. Now, Lori was wobbling like a giraffe with a limp, and Rachel was certain the woman was in excruciating pain. If a wolf attacked them, all they had to do was outrun Lori, and the world would be a better place.

The wind and thunder finally died down into a steady warm downpour. It felt a bit like a world-spanning shower. Rachel did not mind it, though, as she had a boonie hat keeping her head and glasses out of the rain. High-quality boots meant her feet were the only part of her below the neck that was currently dry, but Lori was hating life, which brought joy to Rachel's tiny heart.

As they drew closer to the town, a familiar sound filled the air. Rachel smiled, enjoying the pleasant sensations those noises gave her. She felt a sinister delight at Lori's discomfort. The two ladies had the opposite opinion of what generated that sound, and the closer they got, the darker Lori's expression became.

Packs of children were rampaging through the community, and most of them were under the age of ten. The noise was impressive, as the children splashed through puddles and played as only the very young could. Rachel was grateful her biological clock had been so loud that her smile could not be suppressed. Cute little noses and fearless sparkling eyes danced all around them as throngs of frolicking children streaked this way and that. No adult supervision could be seen, but these children did not simply boil out of the ground, so they had to be somewhere local.

Lori's heavy breath had grown to a concerning level once they reached the town proper. Her loathing of children was legendary, but they needed a place to stay. A group of little boys ran up to the newcomers and jumped into the biggest puddle they could manage. They timed it just right and the four adults all let out screams as they were splashed with muddy water. Three of the four adults burst into merry laughter.

The boys ran for their lives, as Lori started shouting, laughing all the way. It was then that Rachel realized none of the children seemed to be wearing shoes. Many of them were not wearing much in the way of clothing, either. For some, this was not a big deal, as little boys in nothing but underwear were cute and funny. But when a gaggle of little girls streaked by wearing nothing but giggles and rain, Rachel found herself blushing a little.

The town itself had an old mining community feel and the buildings all looked to be a hundred years old. There was very little light pollution and Rachel got the feeling these kids did not have video games or TVs back home. The power lines looked a lot newer than the buildings they supplied and she wondered what type of powerplant the locals were using.

One building had an old-timey sign of a black goat on it and the word “Vacancy" was hanging from a chain. Rachel touched her husband on the arm and began marching toward the building with determination. Her body language caused the others to follow, and soon they pushed their way inside.

Stepping past the threshold seemed to suck all of the discomfort out of the air. Then, Lori stepped inside and that sensation ended.

The building itself was a rustic wooden saloon with a large common area full of tables and a bar on one side. A heavily pregnant woman, with streaks of honey-colored hair, was mopping the floor near the entrance. She wheeled her yellow bucket over to the newcomers as they stood dripping on her floor.

“Welcome to the Black Goat!" she said with a little more pep than Rachel was expecting. Then the twenty-something hostess turned toward Lori and let out an audible gasp. “Wow, you're gorgeous! Are you a model?"

“Melly!" scolded a matronly-looking woman who stepped gingerly across the room to greet her guests. “Don't be rude."

“Sorry, Mama," Melly said with an impish little smile.

Rachel could not help but smile at the familial exchange, but once she began looking at the woman in charge, she wondered if she had found the secret Hollywood farm where they bred old-school country singers.

The woman in charge had a few wrinkles touching the edges of her face, but it was overshadowed by tons of energy and a killer smile. Somehow, she was displaying the kind of cleavage that caused normally attractive women to develop an unhealthy body image. Rachel had to make an effort not to speculate as to how this was being accomplished.

“Welcome to the Black Goat," the woman in charge said to her guests. “I'm Darlene, but everyone here just calls me Mama. Before you go running your mouth, I got a few bits of info for ya." One hand went to her hip, the other hand began extending fingers as she made points. “No, Melly ain't my real daughter. Yes, some of those kids running around outside are mine. No, I won't be returning them to their parents. And, yes, this is my natural color."

“My hero," Rachel said as she stared at the incredible woman.

Darlene paused to tousle her golden curls that were only barely touched with some strands of pure white. “Now then, in what order would you like food, drink, and a shower?"

“You have showers here?" Lori nearly shouted as she exploded to the front of the group.

“Oh yeah," Darlene said with the smile of one who knows she's about to make a sale. “This used to be a saloon back in the day, but we're mostly a restaurant now. We still have a few rooms for rent, though. Ten dollars a night, but you still have to pay for food."

“Deal!" Lori shouted, and she followed the hostess to the counter.

“Ten dollars?" Rachel asked quietly as she moved over to the men and kept her voice down. “That's awfully cheap."

“Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," Dave said with a shrug.

“You see, Dave, this is why you don't handle contracts for the group," Rachel stated firmly, barely managing to keep her voice down. “Always read the fine print; especially when it sounds too good to be true."

“Are you going to tell Lori she can't have her shower?" Dave asked darkly.

“Oh, not at all," Rachel told her brother-in-law. “I'm going to let her go first. If she gets eaten by cannibals, she'll make a bunch of noise and we'll know to run like hell."

“I'm all for Lori getting eaten by cannibals," Zachary admitted.

“Fuck you, Zack," Dave said without any heat. His normally lively eyes stared at his wife, and Rachel had a feeling Dave was thinking about how wonderful it would be if cannibals did eat his wife.

“Oh, I'm sorry, darling," Darlene was saying to Lori. “We don't take credit cards 'round here."

“Ah," Rachel said with a nod. “There's one reason it's cheap."

“But … I don't carry cash!" Lori exclaimed as her voice began to rise.

“I do!" Rachel announced, moving up to the bar and dropping her heavy pack onto the floor. “We'll take two rooms." Rummaging through the pack, she found her purse and took out a twenty. “Could we not share a wall with our neighbors?" Rachel asked. “My husband and I are trying to get pregnant … and I don't want to disturb anyone with our noise."

Darlene had a really good laugh. It was warm, friendly, and just dirty enough to let the people around her know that she had raised some hell back in her day.

“Of course, dear, of course," Darlene said, accepting the twenty and producing a set of solid old-fashioned keys. “Your rooms will be at opposite corners, dear," she said to Lori, pointing a finger up to a spot on the second floor. “We don't do bellhops or room service here, but the hot water heater's a big one, so feel free to boil yourself for an hour. Just be careful with how hot you make the water … there ain't no kid-friendly settings on those things."

“Sounds good," Lori said as she hefted her pack onto her back and stomped up the stairs. When the door crashed shut behind her, everyone visibly sagged in relief.

“Well, ain't she just the sweetest thing," Darlene said sarcastically, instantly endearing herself to Rachel just a little more.

“You have a discerning eye," Zachary said as he approached the bar.

“Every family's got at least one," Darlene said as she opened a drawer and pulled out some clean rags. “Here ya go, dears. Wipe yourselves down, and talk amongst yourselves for a bit. I'll get some food going and ya'll let me know what ya want to do."

The guests said their thanks as they wiped themselves down, but remained quiet enough to listen for screams. When none arrived, Dave shouted for nachos and the three travelers settled into comfortable wooden chairs.

“This is great!" Rachel told the men, leaning in close so her excitement remained contained to the small area. “I can't wait to explore the town!"

“I don't know," Dave said, glancing up at the room where his wife had gone.

“Don't let her ruin everything you love," Rachel said pointedly, and she could see Dave restraining himself from using some salty language. “I know you said the third time's the charm, but the only charms I'm seeing is her ability to turn everything to shit. You need to get rid of her, Dave."

“You didn't have to invite her, you know," Dave shot back.

“Of course, I did," Rachel said. “We miss you!"

Dave looked like he wanted to reply, but he sighed and looked down at the table.

“Dave," Zachary said, and he waited until his brother looked up at him. “It's time to call it."

“No, not yet," Dave said.

“You have a plan?" Zachary asked.

“Two years," Dave said. “If we're still all messed up in two years, then I'll divorce her."

“Don't knock her up," Rachel warned.

“I learned that lesson with Joan," Dave said with a shake of his head.

“Good on ya," Rachel said, leaning back in her chair. “Now let's get Dolly Parton over here and get some grub."

“Oh, shit," Zachary said with a laugh. “That's what I was thinking!"

“No kidding," Dave said as he began to study the woman. “Yeah … she does kind of look like her."

“Great tits and all," Rachel said.

Both men made embarrassed sputtering noises at her comment and she laughed loud enough to draw the attention of their hostess. The serving staff whipped up the nachos, chicken fingers, and an assortment of white cheeses that she insisted were local specialties.

“Holy crap," Rachel said after dipping her corn chips into the local cheddar and taking a bite. “That's really good."

“I'm so glad," Darlene said with a grin. “I've milked a few goats in my day, but I don't know much about their cheeses. One of my boys went to the big city and came back all excited about cheese making. He's been doing his part to put food on the table."

“Do you have a distribution company?" Rachel asked as she took another piece. “My husband and I own our own marketing and distributing company. Might be nice to push a product that makes money for regular folks."

“Oh, that's nice of ya to offer, dear," Darlene said with a smile. “Problem is the side effects. You see, something about the way it's done makes people a little extra frisky. Bit of a … a … now, what's the word?"

“Aphrodisiac?" Dave offered around a mouthful of cheese.

“Yeah, that's the stuff," Darlene said with a chuckle. “Good for young couples trying to conceive. But I'm told there's laws against serving it to folks outside the town. We'd have to go through testing and government paperwork and we just don't want that kind of attention around here."

“Is that why you have so many kids running around out there?" Rachel asked as she pushed the plate toward her husband and stared at him expectantly.

“Might be," Darlene said with a shrug.

“Well, that must be it, then," Zachary said as he took a piece of cheese and eyed it suspiciously. “I mean … the map says the population around here is only a couple hundred folks. With all the kids I saw running around out there … I'd say your community's grown quite a bit."

“Well, who says how many people we got here?" Darlene asked with an amused smirk.

“Uhm … that's what the map said," Zachary confessed, reaching into his pocket to get the map and show her.

“Oh, that's official crap," Darlene said, waving it off. “You think those census folks come around here? Most of them don't know nothing about this place. I'm kind of surprised any time out-of-towners show up here."

“Well, you do have some good-looking women in this town," Dave commented as he eyed Melly.

“Oh, you don't know the half of it, darlin'," Darlene said as she leaned back in her chair, stretched her arms back behind her head, and allowed her bosom to pop up a bit. “This place is good for what ails you. I mean … just look at me! I'm reaching for that golden age but I ain't gone through the change yet! My girls are still looking good too!" All eyes became glued to Darlene's boobs. She shoved them together and rubbed them around lovingly.

“I'm … sorry … you lost me," Zachary said without meeting her eyes.

“She hasn't gone through menopause yet," Rachel translated, eying the woman suspiciously.

“Dang, you really are a treasure," Dave said with a chuckle. “I can't imagine how many men must be hitting on you."

“The local men are all married," Darlene said with a disappointed expression. “Outlived my last husband and haven't found another."

“Oh, that's just not right," Dave said.

“Are you buttering me up, dear?" Darlene asked flirtatiously.

“Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion," Dave said as he popped another piece of cheese into his mouth.

“I think you should take that hard-on upstairs to your wife, Dave," Rachel said. He blinked at her in surprise. “I'm sure she'd fix that stiffy for you one way or another."

“I tell you what, dear," Darlene said, as she leaned across the table and touched him on the arm, “you settle things with the missus, and if it all blows up, come and see me. If I'm not available, I can think of a few gals who might be."

A predatorial glint settled firmly into Darlene's green eyes and everyone shifted as a wave of lustful energy seemed to radiate off of her. Rachel eyed the cheese for a moment, then moved the plate away from her husband.

“Hey, Dave," Rachel said with enough force to cause the older woman to break eye contact with her prey. The two women stared at each other for a few seconds and then Darlene yielded, leaning away from Dave.

“Huh?" Dave suddenly said, blinking like he had completely zoned out when Darlene touched him.

“Maybe you should go check on Lori," Rachel said. “For real, I think you two need to talk. We can explore the town later. Maybe, if she's too tired to go out, she can make a request for something she wants, and we can go look for it."

“Oh … yeah," Dave said as he stood up from the table. “Excuse me."

“Hold up," Darlene said as she got up from the table and went into the back. She came back a moment later holding two things and handed them to Dave. Rachel could not hear them talk but it sounded like instructions. When she was done, Dave nodded, thanked her, and went up to the bedroom to face the beast within.

When Rachel looked back to Darlene, she saw that predatorial hunger once more. Something about this woman worried Rachel and she wondered if their hostess was going to try and comfort Dave in his hour of need.

“Poor boy," Darlene said with a shake of her head. “I don't think that woman's any good for him."

“I know what you mean," Rachel said without looking away from the older woman. “So … how do you really keep this place running? Seems a little too wild a tale to think this place runs on cheese and hope."

“Oh, it's not much of a story, dear," Darlene said as her amiable attitude returned. “A few years back we had some wealthy oil types come around. They liked the area and said something about a … restorative initiative?" She paused, considered the word for a moment, then shrugged. “Anyway, they were all about fixing up old places and making sure the history was protected."

“So, what?" Rachel asked. “They just … tossed down some cash and turned it into their own private resort?"

“Oh, nothing that fancy, dear," Darlene said. “This place used to be a mining town back in the day, but once the mines dried up, we made it work by raising livestock and selling cheeses and such. Place almost became a ghost town; but Mr. Miller said he liked it and got us all prettied up again. Led to something of a baby boom." She gestured to the window where the shrieking throngs of children could still be heard. “I don't know why Mr. Miller went and did what he did, but I'm glad the place is still up and running. I don't know what we'd do if we had to leave."

“Hell of a thing," Zachary said as he took his wife's hand. “Anything to do in this place?"

“You've come at the right time, dear," Darlene said with a glint to her eyes. “The Summer Solstice Festival is the big thing 'round here. Plenty of people coming in from out of town and it's so much fun that a few always stay."

“It's that much fun?" Rachel asked.

“It's where my last two husbands came from," Darlene said with a wink. “You might be surprised how much fun you can have here! You should check it out!"