FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Eli was surprised by how quickly I picked up on what he wanted me to do. It was not often that he had a bird who could understand his words. I went along with what he asked for the rest of our session. We made a lot of progress, and my confidence grew. By the time the sun began to set, Eli had exhausted the treats he had brought along, but I was starting to feel tired myself. While I rested, Eli began to pack everything when he looked at his watch.

"How about one more go? A big one for the road."

I wasn't feeling all that up to it, as this was the first time I worked my body this hard in a long time. However, Eli looked excited, and I didn't want to disappoint, so I nodded.

"Alright, no tether. I want you to go out to the fallen tree, land, and return. Only come back when I blow the whistle." Eli reached for my leg and detached the line tied to my foot, letting the small, tangled line fall to the ground. "Ready? Go!" he shouted.

Once more, I gave hard flaps as I pulled myself from the ground. I lifted my wings and felt the feathers make room for the air to flow past, holding them out wide to thrust down and push myself through the air. My breast muscles had begun to ache from the long day of flying. I reached around twenty feet from the ground and started an easy glide to the log. My vision was starting to get rough from the lack of light, but I could see enough to make a smooth landing on the log. I readjusted my wings, allowing the feathers to slide into a more comfortable resting position, and turned to await his whistle. While I waited, I felt a light-stabbing sensation on my wing. I looked over but saw nothing on it. Ignoring the feeling, I eagerly awaited the whistle.

The thoughts in my head were telling me to be ready. I had to be in a position to leap into the air to get what I wanted. The thoughts were louder and had become harder to ignore over the course of the day. Something instinctual, telling me I was ready and making me excited for what was next. Maybe Elizabeth was right, and I needed to find the common ground with my hawk side. We certainly had the same interests right now.

"Wrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The whistle blew.

I didn't miss a beat, leaped into the air, and began climbing. I gave no thought to my actions as it felt like my brain was acting on autopilot. I could only see the outline of Eli at this point, but I knew how far he was. My mind was focused, and the hawk and myself were in sync, but I felt the stabbing come back. The hawk mind wanted to ignore it, but it was worryingly familiar. I pressed on and started my glide with Eli's outline approaching.

I was making minor corrections with the tips of my wings when, suddenly, my right wing went numb. I looked over to see it still in the same position but could not feel its movements. I started to drift to the left as my right wing lifted, putting me into a banked turn. I tried correcting it with my left wing but realized I was slowing down. Before I could do anything more, I found the ground and rolled onto my side, sliding to a stop. After my wing slapped the ground, I felt the feeling slowly return.

"Lyall!" Eli shouted, his outline growing larger.

I tried to stand up and felt disoriented from the quick roll. By the time I made it to my feet, Eli was reaching for me. He picked me up, cupping his hands around my body, and ran back to the van. He laid me on the van floor and turned on the light.

"Are you alright? You fell pretty hard, buddy!" His hands searched all over, checking for any damage. Other than a little of my ego, I wasn't harmed. "I think I may have pushed you a little too hard there. I'm sorry, mate." Eli sounded afraid.

I shrugged and laid down on the floor. My head was still spinning from the crash, but at least I could feel my wing. Eli was quick to pack the stand and equipment in the van. He helped me back onto the passenger seat before starting the van to leave. Once the dizziness wore off, I tried to get Eli to speak, but he seemed quiet. Maybe he felt bad for what happened. It wasn't his fault, and I should have known my limits. I shouldn't have flown with my wing feeling off.

As the van pulled away, Eli sighed, "Sorry, Lyall. I'm glad you didn't get hurt. Don't be afraid to tell me no if you think we are going too far."

The drive felt long, and I couldn't sleep. Once we did arrive at Eli's home, he carried me in while my sight was nearly useless. Eli hastily kicked off his shoes, walked me into the bird room, and placed me in the cage beside Romeo's. Romeo didn't seem too bothered that Eli had distributed his sleep, but something felt uneasy in me when he watched me take my perch. In the back of my mind, I felt like I was in his space, and I needed to leave. Shoving these thoughts back wasn't impossible, but they still lingered.

"Night Lyall, Night Romeo, Willow," Eli said before turning off the light.

While sitting in the dark, I couldn't help but think more about Eli. Alex seemed so worried about him, but he seemed like a great and passionate person so far. Sure, he had his issues with communicating with people, but he seemed like he was genuinely trying his best. I don't know why he decided to live with birds inside such a small place, but he didn't seem upset about it. He seemed content with his current living situation.

Before I knew it, my eyes opened to the soft glow of the rising sun in the room. I stretched my wings before looking to find Romeo staring at me. He was a much younger bird than I, but his eyes were locked onto me. I tried to ignore him to the point of turning away from him. He screeched loudly, causing me to hunch down. His behavior wasn't much different from yesterday, but something about today felt different. I had the urge to fly away from him. I was in his space, after all.

The door swung open as Eli ran in, shouting, "Woah, woah there, Romeo. I'm not forgetting about you." Eli was carrying the small bag from yesterday and fished out a small piece of meat to give Romeo, followed by another to Willow. When he got to me, my mind was getting excited, but Eli didn't give me anything. "No, Lyall, I'm not feeding you like that, mate." Eli reached and unlatched the door before lifting me out of the cage. He carried me out into the little living room and sat me on the couch.

"Let me grab you something. Then I'll make something up for myself, 'aight?" He said cheerfully. His hand scratched at his back and neck while he spoke. Maybe he was nervous after yesterday. I didn't dwell on that once he placed a small plate of red meat before me. I didn't wait before starting to pull at it. Eli laughed and walked back to the kitchen.

"Has Alex been keeping you strictly on mice? I assume so since that's all she gave me. Mice are fine but too much of a pain to train with. If you don't tell her, I won't tell her." Eli placed a pan on the stove and began adding things onto its sizzling surface. He hummed a tune, and all the while, I wondered what Alex could have been worried about.

Once Eli plated his food, he joined me on the small couch. It was the closest thing I have had to a proper human meal in a long time. Even being surrounded by people at the clinic or the bird house, I didn't feel like I belonged. Being with Eli, I felt like I fit better as a falconry bird. I could still itch the hawk's needs but still be personable with Eli. He also seemed to enjoy the company.

"So, I figured today we could practice out back. Same as before, but maybe stop a little earlier?" He laughed and shrugged. "It still feels wrong to skip so many steps. Do you know how long it took me to get Romeo to think of listening? Then you come along, and we are not far off from actually hunting." Eli sighed, "I'm releasing Romeo in the next few months, and Willow is going off to work with an old friend."

I couldn't help but get a feeling that Eli would ask me to stay with him. I couldn't help but think that I hadn't felt as good as I had been working with Eli. Although I wanted to return to my field, my life, maybe I didn't have to feel so alone. There were things I loved about the solitary lifestyle, and I did have the companionship of my mate. Was she still waiting for me? It has been weeks since I suddenly disappeared from her, and she may have moved on by this point. I could be going back to nothing.

Eli got up from his chair. "No sense in putting it off," he said, walking into the bird's room with a bag in his hand. "I'll be right back."

Maybe this was my new life. This could be the better outcome for me. I would be safe with Eli, and no one would need to worry. I could satisfy the hawk's instincts and not be in danger. My imperfect wing wouldn't be an obstacle, and I wouldn't always live in a cage.

Eli poked his head through the door, his hand now donning his leather glove. "Let's do a few exercises with a lure, and then maybe we can try it for real." His voice sounded excited, but he looked slightly nervous with his hand on his back. I thought the sudden jumps in progress might have had him worried.

Eli picked me up from the couch and walked me outside. A rope tied to a brown leather tube was next to the recently added perch. It was small but did have some markings and lashings carved into it. I felt I knew what I was about to do with it. Eli placed me on the perch and had me fly between my spot and his hand. After a few back and forths, he tossed out the leather object into the grass.

"This is a lure. What I want you to do is to land on this and grasp it with your feet. Hold on to it tightly til' I blow the whistle for you to let go, alright?"

I nodded.

"Great. When I signal ya." Eli said before blowing the whistle.

I leaped from the perch and beelined it to the leather lure. My wings felt back to their normal selves after the crash yesterday, and I felt as confident as ever. The hawk's instincts started to take control, and I held back, letting nature take its place. With a flare of my wings, I outstretched my legs before tightly closing them around the lure. My talons dug into the leather, and memories of my hunts flooded my head. I was on autopilot when I brought my beak down and bit at the lure, trying to tear a piece of it off. In the distance, I heard the whistle blow, but I continued. The thoughts in my head telling me to finish the hunt.

The whistle blew again, and I remembered what Eli had asked of me. I let go of the lure and gave my head a little shake. I stepped back from the leather tube and watched as Eli began jogging closer.

"Again, with skipping steps! I swear you are trying to take the fun out of this." Eli laughed while I climbed onto his hand. "I guess we do that again."

We practiced the same routine of me grabbing the lure and Eli telling me to stop. We had it down to a perfect rhythm, and slowly, the hawk crept into control. I allowed it to happen as I still felt in command. I was confident I could pull myself back whenever I wanted to. Slowly, though, I felt like I was trying less but still giving the same, if not better, results. The pinning of the lure felt more and more like muscle memory, although the feeling was still cold compared to what I remembered. Nevertheless, I felt great about my progress.

Next, Eli began pulling the line on the lure right as I went for my strike. The first few tries had me missing, but I was able to adjust. Having my attacks in an almost perfect state, I hardly missed an attempt. Eli picked me up after a streak of great performance and looked around. Both Eli and I saw the same thing in the distance. A brown rabbit stood around two hundred feet out into the field. Eli looked at me before closing his eyes and sighing, "I would have you try it, but I think we are pushing it again. We could always pick up on this tomorrow."

I nodded, slightly disappointed. I felt like I had never been more ready, but I also felt my breast muscles after all of my hard, fast flying. I think Eli was right, and it would be best not to risk injuring myself again. Tomorrow would be our day.

Eli brought me back inside and had me wait on the couch. He got Romeo out of his cage and took him outside. This was the first time I had seen Eli take Romeo out for any enrichment. The last two days had mostly focused on me, but he couldn't neglect the other birds in his care, especially if he were returning Romeo to the wild.

Eli was outside with the other hawk for a while when I started getting curious about the room. Eli wasn't the most organized person I had met but he wasn't a slob either. His clothing hampers sat against his wall, but you could tell there was some sort of system to them. His table was still covered in various papers and notebooks, but they seemed to be organized by their contents. On the floor were a pen and a misplaced paperclip. Also among the litter was a small brown feather. It appeared it may have been one from either Romeo or myself, but it showed how much effort Eli put into this work. Most of the papers on the table were related to his falconry work. Even down to a pamphlet similar to one I had gotten long ago about birds of prey.

Before I could start looking at his documents further, his door opened, and he quickly carried Romeo back to the bird room. I didn't want to seem like I was snooping, so I tried to play like I had been napping. I laid my head against the cushion before Eli came back out.

"Worked your butt off, eh?" Eli asked, "Romeo did pretty good. Still taking him a bit to warm up to the lure, unlike you."

If I could have smiled, I would have. Sure, it wasn't much effort for a person to follow instructions, but in this case, it was a night and day difference for Eli. I had never seen him happier than when he worked with us birds. Eli approached the couch and sat hard, inadvertently causing me to bounce on the cushion next to him.

"Woah! Sorry there, little guy." Eli cautiously held his hand near me, waiting to see my response.

I shrugged before placing my head back against the cushion. Eli gave a half smile and kicked his feet up onto the table. He laid his head back and sighed. His fingers tapped against his legs. His foot bounced against the other, causing the couch to shake lightly.

"Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer it if you want." Eli's voice sounded nervous. "You've been like this for a while now, a hawk." He paused. "Were you scared of the change?"

His head lifted forward, and he gazed at me. I was going to shrug at first, but that wasn't true. I was terrified of the changes. I rarely slept well during those months, thoughts of what could be awaiting me, giving me nightmares. I looked at Eli and nodded my head.

"Did it hurt? The changes?" He asked, leaning forward a little.

I shook my head. I don't remember much of the changes hurting as much as they were uncomfortable. Of all the changes, I won't forget the beak. The alien feeling of my beak forming and forcing itself from my mouth. The feeling of my soft lips being forced apart by the hard protrusions. Feathers tingled as they grew, but the beak was scary.

"Do you miss your old life?"

I waited to answer him but never gave him the answer he wanted. I couldn't tell if I did miss my old life. Sure, I would say yes if everything was the same as the day before my eyes changed. Nothing was the same as it had been before; being a human again wouldn't change everything else that had happened. My friends who were changed would still be animals. Kole, Damien, and Benji would still be out of my life. I think of my life in three parts: the human me, the day my eyes changed, and the day my feet left the ground. I can't say I regret or would specifically change any of them.

Eli seemed quiet after that. He nervously scratched his back and kept looking forward. Was he worried for someone? Maybe even Alex? I wish I could ask, but I can only watch him and guess. He reached his other hand and scratched nervously at the back of his neck.

"You know, all of this time, I've been helping with the raptor rehabs. I've never thought about if the birds remember me. Would they be happy to see me again? Do they know why I do the things I do?" Eli's voice was broken as he spoke. "Romeo was a little fella when I got him. The nest was destroyed, and he was left for dead. I raised him for release, and he will be out where he belongs in a few weeks." Eli closed his eyes. "Did you feel this sad when your young left the nest?"

It was more than a yes or no question. I couldn't begin to try and explain the feelings I had. I don't think any answer was going to help him. Instead, I stepped closer and pressed my head against his anxious tapping hand. He stopped moving the hand and rubbed his fingers against my neck feathers instead.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember. Slowly, I drifted to sleep.