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Pep:

The Coyote Bartender

By: Razial Drakken

It's hard opening your first bar and it's even harder to keep trouble from one's doorstep. This is what Pep first found out when he opened his establishment and being an anthropomorphic coyote made it even worse.

Pep smiles as he flips the open/closed sign to open at 2 pm and goes to stand back behind his bar. He picked this subsection of Memphis, TN because he was told a lot of customers came down this way. He felt a little nervous, because of how many bars like his fail within the first year. But he felt good about this spot.

The bar, itself, was very typical for such an establishment with several different themes coming together. He even had a karaoke stage set up just in case.

Suddenly, the front door opened with the tinkling of the bells tied to it and an anthropomorphic squirrel came running in, looking nervous. He quickly runs to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. Pep was taken aback by this, but before he could go find his first customer/loiterer, three huge mountain gorillas cam walking in the front door. All three wearing black suits and ties as the middle one, who wore a small golden hooped earring in his left ear, stocked forward. He towered over Pep who smiled politely up at him.

“Gentlemen, what can I get for you?" Pep said.

“Yes, we are looking for a little thief. We have reason to believe he may have run in here." Said the Lead Gorilla.

“Oh, well. I have haven't seen anyone but you three." Pep said and thought, “What am I doing? These three look like they could squash me in one hit."

“Do not lie to us. We know he ran in here." Said the Lead Gorilla.

“Really? How, exactly?"

“Because he ran around the corner and this is the first door he would've gone into."

“Ah, so you assumed that just because your 'Thief' as you call him goes around the corner that he will run into the first door he finds. Are you sure your line of thinking is correct?' Well, gentlemen, I can assure you that no one has been in here except you three. Now, would you like a drink? The martinis are very good."

The Lead Gorilla studied Pep's face before responding. “I still don't believe you and I will tear this place apart until we find him."

“I'm sorry to hear that, but it's not surprising. All brawn and no brains. Shall I call the police then because Lord knows you three might look better on display at a zoo with a banana hanging out of your mouths." Pep said with a smirk.

The two gorillas standing at the leader's side moved forward at this insult, but the Leader held up his hand and smiled. “That's okay, boys. We'll leave for now. However, beware bartender. If we find out that you protected that no good thief of a squirrel, then we will burn down your establishment. Let's go boys."

Both of the other Gorillas smiled evilly as they finally left Pep alone with his thoughts. He felt himself shake a bit from the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins and felt sweat form on his brow. Quickly, he collected his thoughts and went over to the bathroom.

Pep knocks on the door and said, “Are you okay in there? They are gone."

“Really?!" The door suddenly opens and the squirrel accidentally headbutts Pep.

“OW! What did you do that for?" Pep said through watering eyes.

“Sure, like I purposefully go around head-butting people. Anyway, I'm glad they're gone." Said the Russian Blue squirrel with dirty blonde hair. In fact, as Pep noticed, this squirrel looked like he had not bathed for a long time.

“So now that we butted heads, who are you?" Pep asked.

“Oh, I'm sorry. My name is William Bigtail, but everyone calls me Tweaky."

“Nice to meet you. I'm Philip Edward Pawson, but I go by Pep. You're not on drugs, are you?"

“Drugs?! No, not unless you count coffee, sugar, and the occasional pot leaf."

Pep thought, “Thank goodness he's not a junkie."

“So what was the goon squad after you for? They said you stole something."

Tweaky looks up at Pep and said, “HA! Yeah, right! More like they tried to steal my whole hard drive, but I had a program installed that sent a nasty virus back to their mainframe. I can imagine why they would be pissed. Plus, I didn't want to lose my porn collection."

Pep just shook his head and looks at himself in the bathroom mirror. Looking back at him was a mostly brown coyote with lighter brown on his front. He had a shaggy haircut that almost covered his piercing blue eyes. The outfit was simple with a white sleeveless shirt tucked into a pair of blue jeans and a black leather belt.

Tweaky looked really ragged and as thin as a bone. Not to mention he carried a certain odor with him that Pep tried desperately to ignore.

“How long have you been on the run from those guys?" Pep asked.

“For a year, now. They wrecked my mother's house and now, I'm endangering you. I should go." Tweaky said.

“Poor guy. I wonder why he's been running for so long?" Pep thought.

“Wasn't the police able to do anything about this?" Pep asked.

“I've tried, but they never believe me. These guys know how to cover their tracks and that's impressive, seeing as they are a bunch of lumbering idiots. Well, I'd best get out of your hair." Tweaky said as he went to leave.

However, Pep held up his hand and said, “Hold, on. I have a need for a busser and a roommate. Seeing as you brought this down to my bar, it will be part of your job to maintain it. Plus, I will help solve your problem. But first, you need a shower. You stink worse than a skunk and trust me, I've run into a few in my time."

“Thanks, I think. HEY!" Tweaky retorted.

“Follow me." Pep said as Tweaky grumbled behind him and follows Pep to the apartment above the bar. After showing Tweaky where the bathroom was, Pep set out a change of clothes on the bathroom counter.

“When you are finished up here, come down to the bar and I'll get you started." Pep said as he closed the door, leaving Tweaky alone.

As Tweaky looked around, he noticed the bathroom had a seashell design and shook his head. This was not the most pressing thought he had right at the moment. It was incredible to Tweaky that someone was showing this much kindness and time had elapsed since his last shower. So he got undressed and climbed in as he turned the handle, instantly being met with freezing cold water. He stumbled backward and slipped on a bar of soap. He let out a yelp as he grasped the shower curtain, but the bar couldn't support his weight and came crashing down on his head.

Tweaky groans, “Why me?"

Pep hears the thump from downstairs but was too busy with customers to go check on him. However, thirty minutes later, Tweaky came back down the stairs, looking a lot cleaner. He wore a red shirt and a pair of khaki shorts along with sneakers of white; matching the white ankle socks. His blonde hair stood out more in contrast to his fur.

“Tweaky! Over here!" Pep yelled as Tweaky nodded and walked over.

“Nice to see you cleaned up. Now, are you hungry?" Pep asked.

“Is the Pope Catholic? But why are you being so nice to me?" Tweaky asked.

“HA! Nice! What on Earth are you talking about? You owe me for getting your ass out of trouble and by the looks of it, you are in over your head." Pep said as he cracked a smile and motioned Tweaky to follow. They walked past double doors into the kitchen where a glass of milk and a sandwich was waiting for Tweaky.

“Well, I thank you, anyway. But how are you going to deal with the gorillas? They seem impossible to beat." Tweaky said as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“Let me worry about them for the moment. Right now, I want you to eat and put on a black apron. I will show you how to bus a table." Pep said.

“Alright," Tweaky replied.

Pep went back out to the bar while Tweaky sat there and ate. Pep truly had no idea as to how he was going to solve their current problem, but a few thoughts floated in and out of his head. Suddenly, Pep heard a crash from the kitchen and ran to find Tweaky tangled up in the apron.

“What on Earth?" Pep exclaimed.

Tweaky looks up and gives a sheepish grin as he said, “Oh, hi! Um, if it's not too much trouble, can I get some help?"

Pep sighed as he helped Tweaky untangle himself and the apron put on the right way. “So, I am assuming the thump I heard from upstairs was you." Pep said.

“Yeah, I'm kind of a klutz."

“I don't get it. You're obviously great with computers and yet you seem to klutz out on everything else."

“Yeah, I was born with a high I.Q. but my practical skills need work."

“Well, you will get plenty of that here."

Tweaky smiled at this comment and said, “Alright, though I noticed you don't get a lot of customers."

“That's because I just opened today." Pep replied.

“Really, today?"

“Yeah! Why?"

“Well, it looks rather old."

“Hey! I'm working on a budget here!"

Tweaky looked past Pep to the bar and said, “So, that's why part of your bar is a tractor."

“It adds character."

Tweaky sucked in his lips and awkwardly looks at Pep. “If that's what you want to call it. However, you have so many themes that some are clashing. I'd call it a tacky bar."

“Alright, wise guy, come and help out with tables." Pep said, looking a little insulted. He showed Tweaky how to bus a table and how to wait on people. After a few crashes and a few distractions with Tweaky flirting with a couple of customers, he was able to get the hang of bussing tables and waiting on customers.

Late that night, Tweaky was cleaning the main floor and mopping. Pep was in the office, counting up the profits of the day and sighed. The money he made today wasn't near the amount he wanted at all.

Tweaky lightly knocks on the door, “All done out here. Are you alright?"

“Yeah, just going over expenses." Pep said with some depression.

“It sounds like you are disappointed."

Pep looks up and nods, “Yeah, I kind of am. We barely made enough to keep the doors open."

“You do realize that this is a Monday, right? Not a lot of people are going to the bars on days like today."

“I was hoping to change that. I wanted a place where people could come after work and relax."

“Then it sounds like you need better advertising. What does your website look like?"

Pep looks a little sheepish and said, “Well, it's on the computer and I have one of those."

Tweaky rolls his eyes and said, “Okay, now I understand why you are low on customers. This is 2018. People turn to the Internet in order to get the word out and having a good website helps. Come on. Since you made me that sandwich, I'll make you some burritos and then I'll help you make your website."

“Alright, but I hope you're a decent cook." Pep said as he and Tweaky went up the stairs to the apartment. Pep show Tweaky to the guest bedroom, which was rather small but big enough for Tweaky. After this, they went into the kitchen where Tweaky, true to his word, made some of the best burritos that Pep had ever tasted.

“It looks like I just found a cook, as well." Pep said as Tweaky smiled.

“Sure, but I normally cook for family and friends. However, I look forward to the challenge." Tweaky said as they continued to munch on burritos.

Then, Tweaky helped Pep set up his website. The site looked amazing to Pep who thought to help Tweaky might turn out to be a blessing. Pep pulled out an air mattress for Tweaky until they were able to get him a proper bed. When Tweaky was finished, Pep gave him a couple sheets and a blanket from the linen closet. Tweaky went to bed with a final goodnight.

Pep, however, stayed up and went over everything that happened today in his mind. “This was not a good way to start my business. Now, I have to find some way to avoid getting Tweaky and/or myself killed and save my bar. However, Tweaky was a great help today and even helped me set up a website to get more customers. It seems like a good business arrangement."

Pep looks at the clock on his entertainment center and notices it was 3:55 AM. He rubbed his eyes and went off to bed. He'd just laid down when a thought occurred to him. Quickly, he arose and went down to the bar office. He rewound the security footage to earlier that day.

“Come on… Be there… Please, be there. AH, HA! I knew it!" Pep exclaimed as he found the security video of the three gorillas making the threat earlier that day. He smiled because now he had some leverage.

Suddenly, Pep heard several things at once. First, he heard a slam come from up above him and what sounded like a grunt. Then, he heard the sound of a car door slam shut outside, followed by the cocking of guns. Pep poked his head outside the door of the office just in time to see two large figures holding machine guns. Quickly, Pep ducked below the desk just as the gorillas opened fire. The sound was deafening as Pep covered his ears. Finally, the shooting stopped as Pep heard someone shout out his name.

“Hey! Let me go you, great buffoons!" Tweaky grunted through gritted teeth.

“Tweaky?!" Pep sticks his head out of his office again just in time to see Tweaky get hit on the back of the head. Tweaky went limp as the gorillas put him in their trunk and shut the lid.

“TWEAKY!" Pep shouted.

“I warned you, bartender, what would happen if we caught you protecting this little thief. Boys set fire to this hellhole." Said The Lead Gorilla.

Pep saw them put on flamethrower packs and he would be damned if they were going to burn down his bar. Pep opened a strong box to the right of the office door and pulled out two nine millimeters, loading them in one fell swoop.

“Hey punks! Back off!" Pep said as he pointed the guns at the gorillas, whose smiles faded, and fired. One of the bullets hit the left one's tank which exploded; causing the gorilla to ignite into flames and screamed out in pain. The other bullet hit the Lead Gorilla in the shoulder and he grunted out.

The right gorilla quickly unleashed his flamethrower; Pep dove to one side and fire two more shots. By some miracle, Pep was able to hit his tank, which exploded. The other bullet hit the gorilla's knee cap and he screamed out in pain as he burned to death.

Part of Pep's bar was on fire, but the sprinkler system kicked on and put it out. Pep, quickly, got up and looked around for the Lead Gorilla, but couldn't see him anywhere. He ran over to the car and popped the trunk to find Tweaky still alive but unconscious. Pep heard the sound of sirens in the distance and quickly wiped the guns of his fingerprints. He, then, place each gun in both of the gorillas' hands and made them fire shots. After this, he cleaned off the gunpowder from his hands and pulled Tweaky out of the trunk. Tweaky was taken to the hospital and released later that same day with only a bump on the head.

“How do you feel?" Pep asked as he smiled at Tweaky.

“It twinges a bit, but I can handle it now that I don't have to worry about those stupid gorillas chasing me," Tweaky said. Pep had told him how he set them up to look as if they turned on each other.

“Yeah, their leader won't be able to show his face in public for a while. The only downside is I lost my two favorite guns." Pep said as they laughed.

“I'm sorry part of your bar was destroyed," Tweaky said as Pep waved him off.

“Don't worry about the bar. I have an emergency fund set up for such an occasion. It should be up and running by Friday night." Pep said as he clapped Tweaky on the shoulder.

“That's a relief. I suppose you want me out of your hair." Tweaky said.

“Nope! You still owe me and plus it has been a lot better with you around, Partner."

“Partner? Are you serious?"

“Yes, I am."

“Great! This is awesome, but I need to go see my mom first. I haven't seen her for a year. I would like to see her before we commence." Tweaky said.

“Of course. Where does she live?"

“Just on the other side of town. Would you like to join me?"

“Sure! Sounds like fun." Pep said as they both hailed a cab and went to Tweaky's mom.

To be continued…I