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How could this happen?

WHY did I let it happen?

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck.” I curse, trying to pull myself off from the metallic rubble on top of me. “FUCK IT ALL!” I lash out at all the metal surrounding me.

Gathering all my energy in my left hand, arcs of yellow energy blast from it, launching all the material on top of me away into the night sky. Struggling against the agony in my joints, the screaming of my muscles, and the wounds covering my body, I get myself out into the field of bluish-colored plants. I take a moment to breathe and take the scenery before me. There are flames and scraps of metal all around me, the remains of the ship I just crashed while running away lay before my eyes illuminated by the light of this planet's twin moons and the flames around me. Its flaming carcass is twisted and broken beyond recognition, pieces are scattered all around the land, some of them still on fire. How was I even able to survive the crash is beyond me. I clutch my side, nursing what feels like a broken rib.

Did he survive the crash?

I'm alerted to the sound of metal breaking and tearing, drawing my attention. Looking at the remains of the ship’s deck I see a burst of debris fly out from the leftover pieces. A figure covered in red energy limp his way out of the destroyed hull, the demon-like mask adorning his features was broken, showing half his face had been stained with blood from a nasty wound on his head. I could also see some shards sticking out of what remained of his cloak.

Guess that answers my question…

With an angry snarl, he throws the remains of his mask and cloak away, leaving only the now charred and bloody clothes we gave him a few days ago. Even the violet scarf I gave him seems to be in tatters. The human kneels to pull out a nasty-looking shard out of his thigh, groaning in pain as he turns to glare at me. His black-red eyes once filled with love and tenderness now look at me with disdain and hatred. I find myself matching his glare, the Human in front of me was not the one I once knew when I was a kid. The Thirteen I had known was a kind, timid, awfully clumsy, tearful, warm, amazing, and thoughtful individual who always looked on the bright side of things… This person… This was nothing more than the pet of a killer, sent to hunt for its master.

“Why!?” I find myself asking, and even though I don't want it to, my voice breaks as soon as the words leave my muzzle. “After all that we have done- that I’ve done for you!” I felt angry like never before, I felt like my blood was boiling out of my wounds, but most of all… I felt sad and betrayed.

“I told you, Whiskey!” He spits out. “you have to see the understand the sheer number of lives that could be saved if you just give me the Remnants to-”

“And sacrifice how many!?”

“It is necessary! The universe would just make more like us in its futile pursuit of power, can't you understand that!?”

“IT WOULD START A WAR!!!” I shout. My lungs burn, and I cough some blood out. I guess the crash messed me up more than I thought. "Are you seriously convinced that they would stop looking for power if they had them? They will just kill each other for it, we both know that."

“I-... It’s what she- What I-” He does the thing he had been doing for weeks since we found the Remnant. He looks confused, conflicted, and lost. As if he was suddenly woken up while sleepwalking. His expression falters, almost like he had been stung by a bug, his eyes start to glow a weird shade of not-red, his expression turns blank. “It doesn’t matter…” His voice turns cold and menacing. It’s like I’m talking to a whole different person. “I am going to kill you, and take the key card in your left pocket… And there is nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Can you even do it?” I ask as I get into a battle position. My Light arcing and sparking all around me. “I was always the stronger one of the two and you are nearly out of Light, with no one to replenish you.” Thirteen’s disability with the Light had always been a disadvantage that me and others have had to cover for him, before. With everyone gone, there wasn't much he could do before running out of energy.

“I’m not like I was back then.” He replies. A wicked red blade forms in his right hand. “But you wouldn’t know that after all of you abandoned me to live your lives free and happy while I got stuck to be forced to become… This.” A dozen of glowing red knives materialize around him, all of them aimed at me. With how badly wounded we were I knew this was the last stand for both of us. He wasn't to back down, and neither was I. Tonight, only one of us was coming out of this alive.

And I hated myself for feeling so appalled at the idea of him not living to see another day. Despite what he is doing I still...

Was his life so important to me that it was worth millions of other lives?

I fear the answer, even though I already know it.

“Before we do this…” I feel a drop of water land on my shoulder. “I just want you to know that despite everything…” More drops of water land on me. It’s starting to rain. How fucking depressing. “That I still love you…” There are no tears in my eyes, I swear it’s just raindrops…“And nothing is going to change that, T.” But Architects damn it all, Thirteen… Why couldn't we just be happy? Why did things have to be this way?

He says nothing. We both take a tentative step forward. It is pouring now. Water pelts my fur and mats down his hair. A thunder cracks out in the distance…

Was there anything I could have done? Was there anything I could have said?

Memories flood my mind as we jump at each other. I remember how I used to rest my head on his lap as he told me fictitious stories back when we were kids.

My energy-powered fists connect with his face, an energy knife stabs me in the shoulder in return.

The memory of how happy I was when I realized he was alive comes to me. How warm and satisfying it felt to embrace him after so many years.

I kick him on the side, yellow energy delivering an aftershock, hitting him like a lightning. He takes the brunt of the hit, using his energy to not be pulverized by the blow, not enough to not be hurt, but enough to survive. He yells in pain as he launches more blades to come my way. I try jumping away, but one gets embedded behind my right knee.

My blood. His blood. My pain. His pain. All of it being let out on this battlefield, staining the grass and flowers around us in red. The last sight one of us would have.

I wonder, if I had stayed, would you still turn out this way? If only you had someone to rely on during that nightmare you lived through… would you still have turned into this?

He rushes at me, but I managed to duck under the swing of his blades. My hand touches his chest, collecting energy in the palm of my hand. "Disruption!" I disrupt his energy, causing it to blow all the blades up and destabilize his defense to such a degree that it sends him flying across the air. Almost instantly he manages to recover mid-air. He disappears out of existence in a blink of red Light, appearing right next to me instantly, wielding a scythe that was bigger than him. I barely manage to dodge the swing as it manages to chop off my right ear.

It is true that I abandoned you. It’s as you said, I left you for dead when you got us to escape that place. I lived my life while you stayed to be transformed into someone’s tool, manipulated and forced to be how they wanted you to be. A weapon made to serve.

He kicks me away, and in a fluid motion the red scythe vanishes and in its place wicked-looking bow wrapped in bandages appears, it shoots a needle-like arrow of energy at me. I block it with my right hand, the projectile lodging into the flesh, piercing through my hand but not managing to get to my face. I muster as much energy as I could to disrupt the air molecules between me and him using that same hand. A yellow arc of lighting cracks between us, hitting him dead on, paralyzing him momentarily. I take the opportunity of his smoking body twitching on the ground and weakly limp toward him just to hit him with another electrically charged kick right on the chest, launching him across the field. I felt some of his ribs break with my blow. He lands in a pile of metal, he tries to stand up but he falls back down, coughing blood down onto the soil beneath him.

I wished we could have had the life we wanted. Remember when I promised you that we would escape and I would build a home for us? A home where we could grow old together… What a wild wish to have right? But that’s the thing about wishes. They are the wild hope of what we want the most, and most of the time they don't come true, right?

I limp my way to his body. I almost trip and fall like four times. I’m too dizzy from all the blood I’ve lost in the fight, I don't think my leg will easily recover from how he dug his knife behind my knee. There are also a couple more blades buried in different parts of my body. Thankfully this should be over soon. Looking at my once-friend I take note of how he looks like he had just been run over by a whole ship that also electrocuted him to a crisp.

Yet, as much as I thought I won, he still manages to find the strength to stand up again on shaky legs, killing intent clear in his eyes. This new version of him never ceased to surprise me, for better or worse, that is...

“You look like shit…” I weakly say, barely being able to stand up myself.

“Have you looked in the mirror lately, you doofus?…” He replies, through labored breaths.

I never got to know what you really wanted, T. Despite how much I thought I knew you, I never asked that simple question… Maybe I was selfish. Maybe if I’d known what you wanted back then maybe I could have changed things… This is all so damn shitty, T.

I gather Light in my right hand, ready to end it all right here and then. I aim my hand at him. The air cracks around me as the static makes my fur stand on end despite the rain. I am not ready to say goodbye to him, but I am ready to end all of this suffering. His suffering. My suffering.

“DISRUPTIO-!” But I fail… I fail him once again.

I underestimate him for what is probably the last time. He cries out in effort as he pushes his body to its utmost limit, managing to move as quickly as it possibly can, tackling me to the ground, and interrupting my ability.

I was selfish, T… I AM selfish. All I ever cared about was what I wanted… And you know what that is?

“Last chance.” He sits on my chest, blade held high between his hands without any red energy around it or him. He is completely out of Light. His hands tremble, his eyes struggle to stay open. His hands shake. “Give me the Remnants, Whiskey… Don't make me do this!” He demands, there is a weird twinkle of color out of place in his eyes.

And at that moment, looking at his eyes I realized that I was right, that despite everything… It was not his fault.

“So that was the reason…” The glow… hidden among all the red, I could barely see it, but as he stands above me ready to end my life I can catch a glimpse of the color that wasn’t supposed to be there, of something that had been there for a while but I never realized its meaning until now. “I wasn’t wrong after all….” Maybe there is something that I CAN finally do for him. A way to free him from them... From her.

All I ever wanted, Thirteen…

I place my hand on his chest, and with my very last bit of energy and with what I know will be my very last breath, I lay onto him the only thing that could save him, and my last message to him. I may have left him to live a life he did not want… But I swear, that with this I’ll finally set him free. I'll finally do right by him.

It won't be easy. You will have to live a painful life, full of sorrows and regret. You will face things that no one should face… But you’ll do it of your own volition. You’ll be free to choose your path. To walk the road you want to. To make your own choices… This is my last gift to you, T.

Because all I ever wanted, T.

Is you.

“I always thought I might be bad. Now I know that is true.

Because I think you are so good, and I’m nothing like you.

Look at you go, I just adore you.

I just wish that I knew…

What makes you think… That I’m so special?”

-

Rebecca Sugar

_______________________________________

All stories that have an end have a beginning.

My story started in a lab. Pretty fucked up right? I wasn't born or hatched from an egg or whatever other means of naturally coming into the world are common. Well, at least it wasn't just me. Fourteen other stories started there too. We were all part of a secret program by an even more secret organization that supposedly aimed to change things for good for everyone in the universe, "Project Nascor"… At least a good-intentioned thing was what it was at first, but I could care less about the motives of those that made us, that was of no concern to me. What was my concern, however, was the kid I depended on to live the early years of my life.

You see, I was born defective. I was made to have power. TOO much power, in fact. A baby Procylanos could not have survived being born with enough power to light up an entire city for a year, even with all the modifications they did to my DNA I came out of the incubation chamber screaming and kicking for my life, burning my fur, skin, and bones as soon as I popped out. I was deemed a failure from the moment I took my first breath, they were ready to just dissect my corpse and throw me into the trash after they were done, and by 'they' I mean the assholes that made us.

What kind of 'good guys' dissect a baby after it passes!? Well, that just gives a sample test of the kind of people that made me and the others.

Yeah, first fucking red flag. I obviously didn't know at the time. I only knew this because I found the research footage much later on when I got back years after escaping.

But I'm rambling.

Anyways, there I was, a whimpering newborn, laying on a table. All fried and twitching by so much energy that I was just a smoking and bloody bundle of burnt fur. I would have made a nice exotic dinner in some black markets, 'Crispy Procylanos for sale' now that would be funny!

Shit, I'm getting off track again.

So yeah, my brown-furred, cooked body laid there on the table at one moment, and in the next moment, those fucking machines roll in this dead as fuck other baby, completely still, hairless, and dead cold. He was another failure like me, the difference being that he didn't get to take his first breath. Number thirteen had ceased functioning right after being scooped out of the incubation chamber, and he was to meet the same fate as baby-me, both to be thrown to the dumpster after being dissected for the funsies. Little would every single one of those fucking scientists know that as soon as they placed Thirteen next to me that a scientific 'miracle' would occur… Let it be known that I said miracle because Architects only know what that was. While I had SO much energy that I was being cooked from the inside out, my almost-very-much-dead fella turned out to just be in need of some power, and my very crispy, just as almost-dead body just so happened to have plenty of power to spare. Coincidence? Maybe, or maybe not, but the reason I got to live was that simple fortuitous moment. The energy that was destroying me was suddenly absorbed by the human baby, to him that energy to burn down an entire city was easy to secure and store, and thanks to him I got to live my life… In more ways than one.

I obviously don't have memories of being a baby. Nah, that would make absolutely no fucking sense. But I do recall something, what I assume to be the very first thing I remember in my life was no funny occurrence or somebody else's face. My very first memory was a sensation… Like a warm embrace extending all the way from my fingers to the tip of my striped tail. Watching the footage of my 'birth', I wouldn't be surprised if it was that time I held onto Thirteen's hand just minutes after being 'born' and proved that we were in fact, not failures.

You see, my kind has this very weird thing in which the skin in our furless hands and feet have a fuckton of nerve endings. We evolved in a way that to us it is waaaay more intimate to hold hands with someone else than say, kissing or marriage or whatever other weird things most people do to show love or that you deeply care for somebody, I even heard of some slime-like aliens that spit mucus into each other's orifices and-

Shit. Getting off track again…

Where was I? Ah, the hand thing. Procylani (which is the correct term for a bunch of Procylanos even though the Council would call us 'Procylanosans' because they are fucking imbeciles) hold onto our parent's hands as little Kits, sometimes our siblings too though not all the time. It is not until we hit puberty and everybody's worst enemy growing up. Hormones. Hit us, that we let go of our family's hands and start looking for connections and seeking out sensations with other people. To us, holding someone's hand is not just an act of affection. It is a deed of union, trust, it's a symbol that means that you are that person's safe space and they are yours. I could go on and on about how important that thing is to us, you don't simply just hold hands with a fuck-buddy or a one-night stand. It's like someone picking the name of your future children after just passing them by on the street for Architect's sake! Awkward as hell! I once tried holding hands with someone I had an adventurous night once, and I almost puked my dinner, lunch, breakfast, AND my will to live. Disgusting sensation. That is why you'll find most Procylani wearing gloves and full-cover footwear (No, I will not explain what happens with our feet. That is a much more sexual thing that I won't touch on, you pervs.)

'But why is this important?' some may wonder. Shut it! I want to give context. You know, that thing that without it, nothing would make much sense? Yeah, THAT… Bunch of impatient Bri'lashes.

Thing is, I never seriously held hands with somebody other than Thirteen, or as I later liked to call him, 'T' (sometimes I would call him 'Tom' or 'Timmy' to annoy him). It never felt right to do that with anybody else. My caretaker at the lab used to say this was because we may have developed a bit of an emotional dependency, whatever that meant. I needed him and he needed me when we were kids, so that must have been the reason. Now, as to the ‘why’ I needed T, well… My body produced too much Akashic Energy or 'Light' as most people call it as a Kit, Thirteen however produced NO light whatsoever. So I gave him my excess energy and he handled it like a pro until we were seven cycles old. We were stuck with each other, not that I was complaining. T was my safe space. Whenever I felt sadness, anger, fear, or any other negative thing I could always just latch onto him like a Flea and it would feel like I could take on the entire world.

Though I wish I could have made him feel the same way.

You see, Thirteen was a crybaby. I don't really blame him. Among fifteen overpowered lab experiments, he was by far the weakest. He never excelled at anything, he wasn’t the WORST at everything but chances were if something needed to be done, T would most likely fail at it a couple of times until he got it right or somebody ran out of patience… And some took that as an invitation to fuck him over. I can particularly think of Number Two. A huge dark brown Aswad'Yakul that was ALWAYS annoying Thirteen. Pushing him over, cursing at him, mocking him, and so on. Even as a kid Number two (or ‘Chuckle’ as T nicknamed him for his horrendous laugh) was the tallest among us. He also was the only one of us to have a super rare energy spectrum, red Light, which meant he was the most valuable among us. I guess it was because of all the expectations the scientists placed on him, but he was a MAJOR prick back in the day so full of ego and malice, and T was his favorite victim. I ended up more often than not clashing heads with the oversized brute because he was messing with my human.

That's how most of our life at the lab went. We would wake up, eat, perform some tests, spend social time with one another, perform a test, free hours, nightly lessons, sleep and then do it all over again. We lived like that for about sixteen cycles of our lives. We spent all that time under the illusion that we would have a nice cozy life. That we would one day be old enough to leave the labs and just go around doing adventures or whatever the fuck people do when they are free in the Universe…

We were so fucking stupid.

Once we turned twelve-ish we started to receive… Visits. We never met people from the outside world beyond the lab prior to this. So there was obvious friction on our part, most of us were squeamish about these new people coming to see us. What we didn't know was that these "visits" were actually potential buyers. What were they going to buy? Well, us. We were the merchandise. We were a valuable product that only the most wealthy in the universe could afford. A bunch of artificial Light bearers was a feat never seen before, tools made in a lab the way you wanted them. In my particular experience, I got manhandled by all kinds of Aliens. They would make me perform endurance tests, exercises, psychological tests and see how long I could output energy. I didn't know at the time, but I was being advertised as a living battery for buyers to take, an almost infinite source of energy, and that's not all, each of us had been done with a primary purpose in hand. Some of us were for laborious duties that no one wanted, as replacements for outdated structural systems like power… Or instruments for nefarious purposes.

We were about twelve at the time that this began, but things took an interesting turn one day Thirteen got a visit, his first and only visitors.

It All started when we caught sight of a huge Loban female swaying her hips as she walked around the premises as if everything she laid eyes on was hers, her combat uniform was adorned with all kinds of ornaments, silver and gold jewelry on all her fingers, and she was buff as fuck. She was being tailed by two smaller versions of herself, both of them were almost an exact copy of her except for the clear age difference and plain fabric clothing. Most of us froze in fear of the presence that walked around the halls, it felt like a vice grip had tightened around all our throats. Her gaze held an unnatural glow that impaled your feet to the floor and forced your eyes away from hers, it was as if the mere notion of thinking you were worthy of staring at her was a universal sin. The heavy air of dominance she carried even affected Dr. Wain, Thirteen's caretaker. The chubby Procylanos stood beside her with his tail between his legs, ears down, and twiddling his thumbs. I've never seen the older monochromatic mammal so uncomfortable before.

"Uhm, these are the projects that the board informed you about, Madam Rumina-" He had fearfully uttered, she cut him off by raising her clawed hand. Her gaze was like that of a predator seizing its prey and right then it was seizing us. All of us hid from her gaze. All except for one.

Among us, Number One had always been a bitch even as a small child, she would belittle us, talk us down, and worst of all she always looked for the approval and admiration of the caretakers by over-following rules and kissing their asses! This situation was no exception, just as proud as always. Just as self-centered, she gave a step forward. I assume she expected to be recognized and praised for her attitude. Even more so, because she was a Loban like the imposing female in front of us, though with a huge color difference. Madame Rumina had cream and blue colored fur, just like the two younger wolves behind her while Number one had blonde fur all around.

"Madam' pleasure to meet you, I am project number One, pleased to make your acqu-!"

"Ah, there you are, you rare treasure." her voice rang out in the room as she started strutting forward towards us. We cowered. Number one puffed out her chest, a fake smile on her muzzle as she trembled.

"Pleasure to meet you, madam! I'm project number one-" She tried again but little number one was interrupted when she realized that Madam Rumina had gone past her without even acknowledging her existence.

Instead, she had stopped right in front of the terrified human who clutched my hand in fear, his eyes filled with tears as he refused to look at the imposing woman. She knelt down her massive muscled frame and reached her clawed hand forward towards my friend. Instinct moved my body, despite how much I feared her aura I found the courage to grab her wrist as much as I could right before she touched T's face… I regretted that as soon as she turned her gaze to me.

It was a feeling not unlike that of dying. Her gaze instilled an unnatural, primal terror in me. My face lost all feeling, my joints locked into place, my small legs felt like putty, and I think my heart may have stopped for a bit. I fell to the ground, I have no doubt in my mind that I was gonna pay for my life for daring to touch her with my filthy hands when she started reaching for my neck with her clawed limbs, huge fangs glinting in a wicked smile. The fear was so great that I could not have produced even a spark of energy to defend myself. I was nothing but an inconvenience, a mere speck of dust to be swatted away from her presence, and none of the other kids, the caretakers, or even the automaton guards dared to get between Rumina Tel'Asi and an "inconvenience", that's all I was to her. A mere fly in her presence, unfit to breathe the same air as her. No one would help me as she would tear me apart violently in front of everyone…

No one but Thirteen.

Despite how scared he was. Despite being by far the weakest of us. Despite not being able to even open his eyes in the presence of Madam Rumina before. Here he was, right between Rumina and me. His little arms outstretched in a protective manner, he was glaring at a beast several times his size that could break every bone in his body by just sneezing in his direction. Was he stupid? Had he gone mad? All I knew is that soon both Thirteen and I would meet our end at the hands of this monster… Or that was what I thought.

"Wonderful…" she had whispered to herself. To the shock of everyone, her gaze had softened as she admired the trembling human child in front of her. "Kids, I like this one, what do you think?" she had called to the small 'copies' of herself behind her. She reached for T again. Softly running a clawed hand along the side of his face in what passed as a loving gesture. "Such potential…" her voice was just as strong as the way she carried herself. “Such value.” T just remained frozen.

The two figures came running, one meekly approached Thirteen, while the other freely examined him by pulling on his cheeks and arms as if he was a toy. Thirteen for his part, endured the treatment as he held his defensive stance in front of me. Looking back, I realized a couple of things happened that day, that would change our lives.

We had just met one of the most powerful individuals in the universe, Rumina Tel'Asi.

We had just met her two offsprings, the meek Fen'Ruth Tel'Van and the disdainful Mahroq Tel'Van, his not-so-little sister.

And from that day on, my purpose in life changed. I would not EVER allow T to have to put himself in danger to protect me because I wasn't able to do it myself. I would not let him put himself in harm's way for me again. I would protect him no matter what, no matter how scared I felt. From that day on a fire lit up inside my chest. A fire that a twelve-year-old would not be able to comprehend, because that fire was burning for someone else, and only one. That one was Thirteen. MY Thirteen.

I just wish I had kept that promise.

We would get more visits after that. Tons of them. Every one of us got visited by different groups of Aliens, but not Thirteen. The only ones that came for him were the Tel'Vans. I was not allowed to be with him when they visited. But he would tell me all about them. I would just wait outside the room, waiting for them to return my human back to me.

He would tell me how Mahroq would make him do silly things like recite plays, and make him make up stories on the go. Complain to him about how ugly he was and how annoying her brother and mother were. Always telling her what to do. She would refer to him as a ‘pet’ even. Thirteen would tell me how it was always unpleasant to have her around since she always demanded stuff, mistreated her meek brother, and mocked them both as long as her mother wasn't around.

Thirteen would tell me how Madam Rumina would be more pleasant than her daughter. She would ask him about his progression in the tests the caretakers had us perform, and even though he spoke the truth about how bad he did most of the time and how weak he was, she would encourage him telling him that he was wonderful and had a clear promising path in front of him. That he just had to be patient and everything would fall into place… whatever that meant. She would also give him advice on things that made little sense. She would advise him on how to make a proper disguise, how to access information on a machine, and how to cut a nice slice of meat. Weird things like that. She would also softly pet the top of his head, sometimes singing songs that T could not understand a single word of. In a way, she acted almost mother-like towards the human for whatever reason, a stark contrast to how she would ignore all of us completely.

But the one that T liked the most by far was the meek son of Rumina. The awkward sheepish Loban named Fen'Ruth.

T would tell me how at first, the canine would barely talk. Asking about dumb things that Thirteen couldn't possibly have known, like how was the weather on the planet, what was his favorite Loban dessert, and so on. It was all questions about things that we could not have any knowledge of, awkward conversations that T tried his best to follow. We never left the labs, to us the lab was our entire lives… However, things did change as time went along. The shy Loban boy started confiding in Thirteen, he would tell him of his dreams, of his hopes, of the only friend he had back home, and of how he felt inadequate compared to the other Lobans because he was weak and sensitive. Thirteen listened intently every time, he found a kindred spirit in a wolf-like alien, Fen'Ruth was also a window to the outside world we did not have, of experiences we could not have ever been aware of. T would not shut up about the Loban after every visit, he counted the days until the next one all the time.

And yes, I was jealous as fuck of the Loban that was taking away my human from me.

Of course, as a dumb teenager, all I thought of it was how unfair it was that Thirteen would spend more time with the canine than with me, even though we were the best of friends… Surely he could spend more time with me instead of that mutt.

'it's okay' I had thought. 'Fen will leave for good eventually. Just like all other visitors'

He didn't.

He apparently started taking music lessons as he grew older, and he would talk to T about how it was the one thing he was good at, he would tell my human friend about how music was his dream and that he hoped to someday be a renowned musician. The golden-eyed wolf even managed to convince the caretakers into allowing him to bring an instrument and show off to Thirteen how music could come out of a weird slab of wood that had a hole and some strings attached to it. I gotta admit the sound was nice though. I could hear the sweet melodies from outside the private room in which the visits took place, I would just sit and wait while the music played in the background, daydreaming about all the things me and T would do when we got older. Like, what if we opened a store together and we sold some food? Maybe build a home for ourselves where we could grow old together?

And as soon as the door opened I would march in and grab my friend by the hand and give the wolf the nastiest glare I could produce and promptly take my friend away. I would not lose my friend to a meek wolf!

But I was growing older and with that comes nasty shit like hormones, and when you spend so much around someone that is also getting ravaged by the effects of hormones you start to feel things… weird things.

It would start with me noticing how he was starting to look… Sharper? Sleeker? Elegant? The human structure changed a lot as they grew older. Then his voice turned deeper and… I loved the sound of his voice a lot. I would convince him to tell me the stories that Dr. Wain read to him just to hear his voice for prolonged periods of time. I could just rest my head on his lap for hours on end listening to all the bullshit stories Dr. Wain read to him while he gently petted my head.

Yet, I could not help but feel uncomfortable when his stories turned out to be about the Loban boy. T would talk about the music the canine produced the most, which made me. A desperate teen for his friend’s attention ask my caretaker to teach me music stuff to try to get him as interested in me as he was with the Loban boy… The melodies that T hummed to me were amazing though…

But I failed at music… Horribly. I was beyond shitty with that stuff…

Yet, I would still practice every night until blisters would form at the tips of my fingers and bleed. I would read hundreds of books on music theory until my eyes closed on their own so I could maybe get him to look at me the same way he looked at Fen'Ruth. I craved Thirteen's attention, I wanted to have him near me as much as I could, I wanted him to feel for me what I felt for him. Kinda toxic I know, but things like that happen when you have the upbringing that we had. I did not know better. We were not made to feel like I was feeling. Butterflies in our stomach meant we had gastritis or something like that, and not being head over heels for our best friend…

It got so bad that I had to ask Dr. Wain what the hell it was that I was feeling. He always was a warm, comprehensible, and kind caretaker. He would help me right?

Nope! He told me to forget all about it, that such feelings were detrimental to our purpose. whatever the fuck that was. After all, that was not necessary so it didn’t matter. I obviously argued, yelled and I kinda got heated up, ending up insulting his mom, grandma, dad, and possible pet…He argued that we were to be delivered to our future 'owners' when we turned old enough and never see each other again, so it was better to get that out of my head…

That didn't sit well with me.

And that was the point at which things started to go royally bad. The Dr. Concluded it was best to separate us to dissuade further attachment on my end, so he forbid Thirteen and me from seeing each other.

I was in hell, I felt like I was missing a part of myself. I still saw Thirteen every now and again but we were forbidden to interact with each other. How could they do that? I was with Thirteen from my very first day as a living being and he was with me for just as long. Wasn't that cruel? Heartless? If I wasn't there, Chuckle would bully T endlessly. Number One would talk down to him and order him around, the others would mess with him and laugh at him. I needed him and he needed me!

What I didn't know at the time, was that T felt for me just the same that I did for him. Us being dumb kids just about sixteen cycles old that had NO IDEA of how things worked were not brave enough to tell the other how we felt. He would sneak glances at me that I would not notice, he would botch tests just so he could be free earlier to spend time with me. He would ask Fen'Ruth what to do when he had weird feelings for someone, he sought shelter with the wolf when I could not give him any, a confidant for his feelings and secrets.

So when the Dr. Forbid us from seeing each other he started to act out. He would talk back, he would refuse to have the med checks performed on him, he would try to escape his room at curfew, everything he could do to get to me. The once quiet kid was questioning authority like any teen comes to do in their life…

Then he tried hacking the systems…

It all happened because of a visit from Madame Rumina. During that visit, she would tell T about things that she should not have any knowledge of. Things that would start trouble. She would spell passwords digit by single digit, she would describe which hours were best to try, which buttons to press, the patrol schedules, EVERYTHING he needed to hack the door systems. T wasn't the best at technology, in fact, he was just shy of the worst at it, but Madam Rumina's instructions were so thorough that even a toddler could have done it blindfolded. So, T made a plan with Rumina's instructions. He would get into the systems and override the door's locking system.

Except that things go that way. Her intentions were never for T to open the doors, she had another goal in mind.

The human did manage to get into the systems, he managed to remember everything Rumina had said… However, he 'conveniently' found some data that the huge wolven female had said was going to be there. The data of our owners, the data of our genes, of who were our 'donors', of what each of us was made for… And T, realized then, that our future was never meant to be as bright as we dreamed it would be.

There would be no leaving the labs. There would be no making our dreams come true. Our entire lives were planned before we were even conceived in the tubes they pulled us out from. We were not made to bring positive change to the universe. We were a bunch of science experiments made to cheat the system and break it. Our purposes were all nefarious to some extent. None of us would be a welcomed change in the universe. We were its worst nightmare. Each of us with our own dark fate made just for us. Thirteen's was the worst by far.

Feeling betrayed, he confronted Dr. Wain, I know not what exactly happened but the next day, we were all with suppressor collars that negated our Light, in chains, and Dr. Wain was never to be seen again, his office burned to ashes. Security got massively increased, visits canceled and we got treated like livestock, kicked to move, tased to comply with orders. The illusion of our homely paradise shattered in but a few days, but if there is one thing you should know is that you shouldn't fucking mess with literal living weapons or you may get obliterated, especially when said living weapons are also emotionally unstable teenagers.

And when the day came that Chuckle had enough and broke his suppress collar and killed a guard, things just went totally out of hand.

It was total chaos, we had never all worked together in a real situation, but that day we all thought of one thing. Freedom. Well, not all of us…

Number one, being the ass-kisser that she was, stood in our way. She beat us into submission easily. She was by far the strongest of us. She had a perfect affinity with her Light. The green strings of Light extend from nowhere, restraining us and overpowering us easily. ('Charlotte' is what T named her, after an arachnid from one of the stories Dr.Wain used to read to him) After beating our asses she went on how we should be grateful that our pre-designed gifts were going to be of use for the greater good. That sometimes sacrifices should be made for the better. She would rather have us all die than have the illusion of freedom. She would kill us to preserve her sense of security and duty to the caretakers, after all, there was no reason why they couldn't start all over again… And there was nothing we could do to stop her.

Everything was doomed for us. Our plan was botched, with armed guards closing in ready to end us, and an overpowered Green light user blocking our path. There was no way out of it… at least until T appeared out of nowhere and tackled her to the floor, somehow, someway, being able to suppress the sheer power that number One had always displayed, leaving her with just her bare physical attributes.

"GO!" He had yelled at the time with that voice I loved so much. "I can only hold her off for so long!"

"NO!" I replied. "NOT WITHOUT YOU!" I yelled in desperation.

"Whiskey there is no time- ah!" One tore into his arm with her fangs. "Go now, get back for me later, I'll be fine till then, I promise!" he had lied. He was so bad at lying back then.

I hesitated. would he really be okay? If I left now how could I be sure that we would see each other again? "Fuck this!" I was gonna stay! If T died I would die with him!

"CHUCKLE!" I didn't process his words fast enough. Next thing I knew my head was hit with an oversized Aswad'Yakul fist. Consciousness slipping away from me. As my eyes closed and darkness came to me I remember seeing Thirteen's tearful smile. Was this the last time I would ever see him? Was it really going to end like this?

I didn't get to tell him how I felt, and I never would have the opportunity to!

How fucking UNFAIR!

We didn't ask to get made, we didn't ask to have this life. Why did he have to pay the price for other people's mistakes? Why couldn't we have a normal life?

I wanted us to escape and have a home of our own, to grow old together and spend the rest of our days in each other's company.

Now… now all of that had gone to shit.

And I would never be able to tell him how much he meant to me since he would be gone…

At least that was what I thought at the time…

"Some people are simply born with tragedy in their blood" - Richard Kelly

___________________________________

I would escape. Cycles would pass. I would live my life. I would travel from planet to planet. I would have the company of my fellow lab projects. I would get to experience the universe's greatest wonders.

I would do all of that…

But I would never feel true happiness.

Even more cycles would pass. I would grow a bit older. I would grow wiser, sharper, more mature. I would taste new foods, learn new limits to my powers, meet new people, have new experiences, but I would never fall in love again. I would never be able to feel as close to someone the way I felt with Thirteen. I would try… Architects how I would try, yet It always ended badly. Maybe it was an obsession. Maybe it was love. Who can really tell the difference? All I could really know is that while I lay in bed with men, women, in-betweens, and non-binaries, I could not get myself to feel anything for any of them. Not a single one.

Mind you. I DID try going back. As soon as I had enough weapons and money to get back I did do just that. I grabbed my fellow experiments and marched to the planet we escaped from. To the place that our nightmares were made of. Of course, those in charge were not stupid. They knew we would be back, so as soon as we escaped they packed their stuff and left, leaving nothing but the shell of the lab that had been our home. They burned EVERYTHING to get rid of the evidence. the charred carcass of the lab was the only thing that remained on that desolate planet. It made me wonder if I had even lived through it all. I had nothing to remember my past by, should I have done like the others? Should I have forgotten everything and moved on? It all seemed like a distant nightmare, forgetting it and moving on was the best thing for sure.

Except I couldn’t.

Forgetting it would mean forgetting T, and if there was one thing I was sure of is that I would never ever forget about Thirteen… But maybe… Maybe T wasn't even alive anymore. What would the point of that be then? Why would I have to keep suffering about someone who most likely was in a better place? Someone who was dead?

“They would not let a rebel experiment live.” Number three had said.

“He could barely defend himself, do you really think he stood a chance against the guards?” Twelve continued.

“It all started because of him. They most likely disposed of him.” Ten added in.

“He is gone…” Eight chimed in.

“Seven…” That was number two addressing me. I turned around, looking at the big canine. He had changed so much. Thirteen’s sacrifice had affected him more than I expected. He had matured, no longer a senseless bully, but a protector for us. While I still felt a slight resentment for him I could not avoid the fact that he had become my right-hand fella’ after escaping from the labs. “Seven, he is gone…” But he often spoke nonsense. “SEVEN, HE IS GONE!”

And then I broke.

I agreed with them. I let go. I buried all my sorrow, all my grief, ALL of it deep inside me. There were no tears at the time, there was no time for that. I would take an oath that day. I would hunt down the fuckers that made us, and I would kill each and every last one of them. I would rid the universe of plagues like them so that people like us would not have to be made again. I would make the change in the universe that they did not expect me to make. A positive change.

That day I formed a group. A small group of nobodies that came from nothing, and just as easily we could become nothing again. Our lives were temporary, just like every star in the night sky, but just like that we would be there, we would be many, and we would make ourselves known.

The Fleeting Lights. For, every light in the sky was a temporary one and it could be snuffed out just as our lives were ephemeral. So we would shine as long as we could.

“My heart and soul to Al-Malik. The first Light” We made our symbol, ‘The Grasp Of Malik’ in honor of the entity thought of to have been the first light bearer. A dark hand that embraced our hearts and souls to show our commitment.

We would make quite a name for ourselves, taking down organizations like the one that made us and so many more. But alas the universe was filled with people with bad intentions. Slave traders, murderers, space pirates, cultists, eldritch abominations. You name it, we took on all. There was no match for us, no one to stand in the way of the thirteen remaining experiments of that burned-down lab. I thought my life would be like that until the end of my days. We had ships, volunteers all over the universe, money, and much more… Yet, I still felt empty. There was not a day in which the thought of Thirteen didn't cross my mind at least once, something inside of me made it impossible to forget him, it had been seven cycles and I still could remember every detail of his face like it was yesterday. What was the point of my mind remembering someone that I would never see again?

Turns out my mind was right…

“The past will often attack the present with the pain of your memories.” - Seiichi Kirima

_____________________________________________________________

It felt like a dream really.

One day we were doing our usual job, taking down a cult that had been growing rampant on a planet called 'Illonis', next thing we know we were being handed our asses back to us.

They had something. A relic of sorts that pulsated with a weird energy that our eyes of Heimdallr, could not perceive, eyes that gave us the advantage of perceiving almost everything about energy.

Whatever that thing was, it gave the cultist destructive powers that they should have not been able to wield, and the power was endless, there were many of them and all of them were imbued with this bottomless power, even being able to make Lightsless folk being able to wield the Light. We were surrounded, beaten to an inch of our lives, and with no backup to call on. It was surely our end. We were battling on some ruins near a forest, there was plenty of open space for us to run to, but with how tired we were and their numbers there was no use in trying. They were stronger, and faster, they would catch up to us in no time. I remember thinking that if I died maybe I would be able to see Thirteen again.

Suddenly I felt like death didn’t seem so bad.

That is until the head of one of the cult’s leaders exploded in a gruesome show of gore. Silence reigned for a couple of seconds as the cult is looked around everywhere in confusion. Then another gruesome ‘pop’ sounded. Another head was gone… Then another, then yet another. After that, it was all chaos. Heads started popping off left and right. Tiny holes appeared on the walls letting light seep in through the circular cracks, for some reason, the cultists that had been overwhelming us with their powers a few seconds ago were no longer able to use them. It didn’t matter, all we could do was cower and stay low to the ground as limbs were being torn off by unseen bullets of great caliber. Screams of horror and agony died down as their numbers dwindled, the onslaught of gore and viscera calming down eventually.

After what felt like forever, the gruesome theater had ended, blood, bones and brain tissue smeared all over the walls and ground. After getting over the initial shock I quickly went to contact our forces to check if someone had saved us in a miraculous but traumatizing feat. I soon found out that our comms had been cut off somehow. Whoever had done this may be after us too. We were in danger, great danger. If we so much as moved carelessly we could lose our heads like the cultis-!

“Whiskey!” Chuckle whispered to my right, his ears were moving like crazy. “Someone is coming.” Paying attention I realized that the sound of footsteps was coming closer ever so slowly.

It was directly coming from the shadows of where the forest foliage started. The unseen sniper was coming directly toward us. Why had they not shot us down? had they run out of ammo? No matter. We had to get ready for anything.

I signaled my whole squad to get into position as we saw a shadow slowly coming toward the light. My blood ran cold at the creepy sight of a Bipedal being dressed in a furred cloak with a crimson red mask with a wide-fanged smile peeking from behind a tree. I could catch the glint of a pair of glowing red eyes coming out of the mask’s eyeholes. The individual was also armed to the teeth, on his back I could see a huge sniper rifle magnetically holstered, a pair of hand cannons on the side of his hips, daggers strapped all around their body, and a serrated knife in their hand. The sight of it was so eerie and creepy that all the fur on my body stood on end.

“What's that!?” One of my men said, masked fear clear in his voice.

“I don’t know. Everyone get ready for anything.” Chuckle ordered, and as my second in command, everyone obeyed.

The figure kept walking out of the woodwork, its creepie way of slow walking made a sensation inside of me stir. He looked so wrong as if he was possessed by something. For every step forward he gave all of us a took an unconscious step backward. What was this thing? what did it want-

“Whis…kee?”

“...”

What? had it just spoken my name?

“What the fuck?” Chuckle whispered right next to me. “Was that your name? Why does it know your name?”

“I don't know!” I was beyond creeped out.

“Whish…key. Whis-?… Whis… Key…” It continued, almost as if it was learning how to speak. It then reached for its mask, slowly pulling it off. “Whisley… No?... Whiskey… Whiskey.” It started slowly revealing its face. From what I could see it was a male human with black hair and blood-red eyes.

I suddenly felt a weird sensation in the pit of my stomach, like something was wrong. I felt nauseous and anxious. My knees were shaking and my mouth was dry as a dessert.

“Seven what do we do!?... SEVEN!?” Chuckle demanded when I didn't respond. I COULDN’T respond. Something about this guy made something deep in me feel so wrong.

“Whiskey…” He repeated. His brow furrowed in confusion. He had very sharp features on his face, and messy long black hair, if this was a different situation I would have considered him very pretty. “Whiskey is that you?” He suddenly said…. And I-... I…

I felt it deep in me.

The sound of his voice. Much older and tired.

In a blink of an eye, cycles worth of memories came flooding into my brain. Of that very same voice telling me all about the dumb stories an old Dr. Wain would read to him. About a weak human who would cry at the slightest inconvenience. About a warm smile that greeted me every day. A hand that would latch onto my own for comfort. A longing… A sacrifice…

“Thi-... Thirteen?” I weakly asked. Tears flooded my vision, tears I had not shed in so long. My body took a step forward, it seemed to be moving on its own. “Is that really you Thirteen?”

“What!?” Chuckle looked at me in disbelief and shock.

“I-... I think so?” The human replied.

And that's all I needed.

“WAIT, SEVEN!” Chuckle’s yell fell on deaf ears as I was already running to the human. MY human.

Looking back, I could have gotten impaled by the serrated knife he held in his hand. But I didn't care at that point. He was Thirteen. MY Thirteen. He was not dead! I knew it! Something in me just never gave up on him for a reason.

I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I was a crying mess after I tackled Thirteen to the ground, I never cried so much in my entire life. I whimpered, sobbed, and bawled. I hugged his frame like there was no tomorrow, I clung to him like a flea, as if the contact would give me back all those years without him. He was BACK! The amount of joy I felt was like no other I’ve felt before. I grabbed onto his cloak as if my entire existence depended on it. I didn't care that all my squad was watching. Everything else in my life passed to being a secondary priority. T was here, I would NEVER let go of him again.

Never.

I supposedly passed out from all the exhaustion and ugly-crying so much that I was taken back to the ship in a stretcher. Chuckle decided it was better to be safe than sorry and put some cuffs on T and bring him with us since he was confused as all hell. What was Thirteen doing here? Was this really Thirteen? The weak, pathetic Thirteen they had lived with for sixteen cycles of their lives? Things made no sense. He was going to talk to the others when we got back and Thirteen was to remain in a cell until we sorted things out.

For my part? I couldn't care less about what Chuckle or the others thought. T was back, and I was going to get him out of that cell no matter what!

My human was back, and there was nothing in the world that mattered more right now.

But…

Taking Thirteen into our ship and not killing him right there and then had been Chuckle's worst mistake of his life.

One that would bleed into each of us…

There would come a day when we would come to regret his choice. Where each of us would learn just how dark our future was going to be if we had stayed at the lab.

We would be the happiest we ever could be before losing it all.

All because of someone who was not at fault for his actions, for he was just a victim of other people's choices.

“The fire can't touch me, for I have burned one too many times.

& the sea can't harm me, for I've been drowning all my life.

Oh, but you could rip my heart open, darling.

For I have never known love before.”

-

R./ asthreria