Chapter 18 – Prismatic Lens

512 A.R. February 2** 1 ***,* E** ast Coast – M *ountain* , **** N ***ight*

It felt as if the whole mountain was waking up while I ran. Explosions thundered in the background, and cracks began to tear through the ceiling. Droids were lining the hallway as I ran past them, but I couldn’t help but feel as if they were doing little more than to slow down the avalanche behind me.

‘Don’t look back,’ Ares said within my mind.

‘Now I want to look back,’ I thought.

The others were unconscious, but I could feel the presence of their mech suits as they were running behind me through remote control. I rounded the last corner and felt relief as the flesh on the walls began to thin out.

We were close now, just a bit further and-

It felt as if my brain glitched, and for a moment, I almost veered straight into the wall. I caught myself at the last moment, but it felt like just another reminder that my current state was an unnatural one.

Even as I tried to feel my own body, I couldn’t. It was a blank void that had left my breathing and the beat of my heart behind. I had tried to access the state of my body through the systems of the suit, but that had resulted in little more than a trail of error messages that meant little in my mind’s eye. It felt… as if I was a brain in a jar, controlling a machine, while my carcass of a body was jostled about.

It should have upset me. I should have panted, felt my racing heart, squirmed in unease as the adrenaline made my hide itch and my tail twitch. But that was gone as well.

Do I feel anything?

O __ne neutron ray burst… D_ oes_ that mean that Kato or Reville could still be alive?

Still caught in Hedwig’s grasp?

The questions didn’t do much, but part of me knew that if I had been my proper self, it would have caused me great distress.

Why am I running? Because you’re supposed to be running…

Even as the thought rushed through my mind, I could feel another of those dizzy spells rise up. It took all my focus to just keep running straight, but compared to earlier, this one didn’t seem to abate.

I’m shutting down…

It made a tiny bit of sense. Somehow, Volkov and whoever he had spoken to had wired me up to a battery of some sort, jolted me awake, and now I was running on the last of my fumes. I could see the hole from which we had entered the bunker.

‘Just like before, jump without hesitation. You don’t have time to stop,’ Ares said within my mind.

The hole in the wall was coming up, and the suit offered its suggestion on the path to take. I followed it, slowed down, and pushed back against the opposite wall to keep up my momentum.

Moments later, I was running yet again and leaped out across the pool of water. My paws slammed into the wall on the side of the pool, and I launched myself toward the ledge of the crevice.

The landing was harsh as I tumbled over the top, faced the sharp slope beyond it, and fought with my balance to remain standing as I skidded downwards. A glance at my rear revealed more suits, Allen, Peter, Marcus…

I glanced forward and saw what looked like a glaring floodlight outside the crevice.

‘The others are right behind you. Leap out of the crevice on my mark,’ Ares ordered.

I kept running and felt as the mountain shook under my paws.

‘3… 2… 1…’ Ares said.

I leaped once more, soaring through the air, and glanced down. It appeared to be in the middle of the night, but the ground far below me since lit by orange flames. A glimpse to the side revealed that the human camp had been reduced to a burning inferno. A split second later, the outside world was obscured once more, and I landed hard on the solid floor of the cargo ship. I stumbled forward and felt the world sway as if the floor was shifting underneath my paws.

Another loud thump followed, and it made me turn around. Allen had leaped into the ship, and the others were following close behind.

Allen, Peter, Marcus, John…

A couple of droids followed, and one of them was carrying a head.

M __onty_ …_

The droids had barely set foot on the bay as the engines of the cargo ship roared to life. A sudden acceleration made me wobble, and as the bay began to close, I caught sight of something near the crevice.

Dust and spores welled out of the crack of the mountain like a pressurized geyser, and something slithered in the midst of the cloud. It slashed at the air, desperately searching for something to grab, but the ship was already accelerating away at tremendous speed.

We’re out…

The bay closed itself with a heavy lurch, and things began to calm down.

[Warning: Decontamination procedure engaging in… 3… 2… 1…]

The interior of the cargo hold was filled with a bright purple light, and a sudden spray began to flood the bay.

As I stood there, being sprayed, I began to notice something in the stark light. The outer most layers of my suit were shifting… squirming. The surface coiled as if beset by thousands of small worms, and smoke began to rise as if they were being fried. It made me look down at myself, and noticed something disturbing.

My suit was leaking. All over my midsection there were caked layers of what I assumed was congealed gel, and that too was writhing as it slowly died.

‘Ares, am I infested?’ I wondered.

‘No. The gel kept the infestation at bay,’ Ares answered.

‘I can’t feel my body,’ I thought.

‘… Based on what your suit is telling me, you should be very happy about that,’ Ares answered.

A bubbly sensation began to invade my mind, and the world began to flicker as if fading away.

‘I’m… I’m going to lie down,’ I murmured over the link.

As I eased myself down on the floor, I noticed a suit walking towards me.

‘Vilkas?’ Allen asked.

I crumbled the last of the way and landed on all four.

‘Vilkas!?’ Allen snapped.

The feeling steadily grew worse, and I let myself sink flat on the ground.

‘I’m going to… sleep,’ I murmured over the link.

Allen said something, but my mind couldn’t interpret it any longer.

Everything grew into a blur, the world grew distant, and sleep beckoned as I drifted off.

Unknown

A switch was pulled, and my mind stirred.

Alive… I’m alive…

Despite the feeling, I found myself distant, like in the moments where I drifted between reality and Volkov’s world. Floating, like a wandering spirit inside a void. My body was faint and distant, and my eyes revealed little more than a sea of black.

‘Vilkas?’ Athena whispered.

A hint of blue appeared in the distance, as if a small rift had opened in the depths of the void.

‘… Yes?’ I wondered.

‘How are you feeling?’ Athena wondered.

I pondered it for a moment, thought back to how I had felt during my escape, and found myself relieved. ‘I’m distant… disconnected, but I feel as if my brain is working somewhat.’

‘You are sedated, but aware… Good,’ Athena whispered.

‘What’s going on?’ I wondered.

‘Two days have passed since you escaped the bunker. You’ve spent most of the time undergoing repairs. This is the first time you’ve been brought into a waking state.’

‘I see, and why am I trapped in this void?’ I wondered.

‘Your repairs are not finished, but there is something I need to ask,’ Athena said.

‘Go on?’ I thought.

‘There is a procedure, a form of neurosurgery. It can be used to non-destructively fragment memories and make them inaccessible. Over time, your body will repair the memories, and they’ll be brought into waking memory, step by step, at a pace that a mind such as yours can manage.’

‘… You’re asking whether I want to forget?’ I wondered.

‘Not… forget, to have your memories of recent events dulled,’ Athena wondered.

‘ No, ’ I answered.

Athena chuckled, ‘That was the answer I expected, though… I felt the need to ask anyway.’

‘The question is appreciated,’ I thought.

‘That said… There are things you need to understand,’ Athena said.

‘Go on?’ I wondered.

‘The physical damage to Peter’s, John’s, and Marcus’ bodies have been repaired, but their mental state is troublesome. You’ve been through many things, and you have been hardened throughout it. But… the others have seen and experienced things within the bunker that went beyond your own experiences, and which was made far worse by their… innocence.’

I could already suspect where she was going, but I kept my silence nonetheless.

‘Me, Ares, a set of psychologists, and a few Expert Systems were consulted, and a decision was made that overrules their own rights.’

‘This neurosurgery was performed on all of them?’ I wondered.

‘Yes, it was. The time until they recover their memories will vary depending on a lot of factors. Some of them physical, others are psychological, but it is our hope that this will give them a chance to process what they experienced at their own pace, rather than face that considerable trauma all at once.’

‘… Will they remember anything?’ I wondered.

‘Yes… Don’t misunderstand, the process is not meant to create gaps in their memories. It simply dulls the details and interrupts the emotional impact. In other words, they’ll remember all of it, but it might feel like a dream, rather than a set of photographic memories where each memory would be like a panic attack waiting to go off.’

‘And, in time, they will remember it all,’ I thought.

‘Yes,’ Athena answered.

‘This is wrong, but necessary,’ I thought.

‘We reach the same conclusion. Preferably, we’d want to wake them up and get their permission, but we were forced to abandon our attempts in order to prevent further mental degradation.’

‘You woke them up?’ I wondered.

‘We did, yes… In a state such as yours. The attempt was a failure, and the proper medications were supplied to prevent it from being recorded in long-term memory,’ Athena said.

‘Then, all the more reason for the choices that were made,’ I thought.

‘Yes…’ Athena whispered.

‘That said, I will not hold the truth of this surgery a secret,’ I said.

‘I would not expect or ask that of you,’ Athena said.

‘Good… What about Allen?’ I wondered.

‘Allen refused the offer and asked to be placed in suspended animation until you and the others wake up. We agreed with his request, and he’ll be woken up at the same time as you.’

‘Understandable,’ I thought.

‘I am going to put you back to sleep, and you’ll awaken in your body next time,’ Athena said.

‘Wait,’ I thought.

‘Yes?’ Athena wondered.

‘The… creature we killed, was that Kato or Reville? Did anyone else get out?’

‘The entire mountain has been reduced to a crater of radioactive slag, Vilkas…’

‘Oh,’ I whispered.

‘They’re gone, and there’s no need to pain yourself by-’

‘I want to know what happened in there, what the others experienced,’ I thought.

‘… You may be strong, Vilkas, but there are good reasons why the others-’

I interrupted her once more, ‘I need to understand what the others experienced, Athena.’

‘… The recordings from their suits have been saved. If this is your desire, then you will be allowed to watch them after you’ve woken up and proven yourself mentally stable. Until then, the records will remain locked,’ Athena said.

‘Acceptable,’ I thought.

‘… Anything else?’ Athena wondered.

‘What about Monty?’ I wondered.

‘You can’t help but dig up everything you can,’ Athena said.

‘I need to know,’ I thought.

‘Monty’s head was separated due to risk of infestation. This in itself isn’t that difficult to recover from. Unfortunately, the temperatures they were exposed to caused damage that is… difficult to repair.’

‘… How bad are we talking?’ I wondered.

‘I don’t want to speculate at this point, but Monty will likely spend at least half a year inside a specialized recovery facility. Even with the best prognosis, there will be memory loss and personality changes, but… he will survive.’

‘Then… Marcus, what about him?’ I wondered.

‘Marcus has already woken up and is recovering. He has been rather stoic so far and has expressed no desire to see any of you. That said, I won’t stop you from visiting him, if you have the inclination to do so,’ Athena said.

‘I see,’ I thought, ‘The tablet that Allen found. Did it reveal anything?’

Once more, Athena seemed to hesitate, ‘It did… Though that borders on irrelevant compared to what was found within the bunker.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘The bunker had a system of long running tunnels. That’s the reason we didn’t see any humans travel to or away from the camp,’ Athena said.

‘The others, thousands of humans—they traveled underground, through caves they entered in the areas we couldn’t monitor?’ I wondered.

‘Correct,’ Athena said.

‘So… What does that mean?’ I wondered.

‘The bunker was the Luminaire’s main base of operations, and the spiderbots deployed during the mission found a lot of material regarding them, including computer systems and Hannival’s lab.’

‘Hannival was in there as well?’ I wondered.

‘Yes, and you’ll be given access once you have recovered,’ Athena said.

‘Understood,’ I thought.

‘Any further questions?’ Athena wondered.

‘Plenty… But I am satiated for now. Existing like this, disconnected from my body… it’s a rather unnerving existence,’ I thought.

‘Others have mentioned the same thing… Personally I can’t imagine being constrained to one body, one set of eyes, one line of thinking,’ Athena said.

Suddenly, you’re talkative…

‘I meant no disrespect,’ I thought.

‘None taken, Vilkas… We exist under very different circumstances, yet find common ground. That, in itself, pleases me,’ Athena answered.

‘True,’ I thought.

‘Now… Sleep, and you will find yourself among the others soon enough,’ Athena cooed as the world faded to black once more.

512 A.R. February 2** 4 ***,* U** nknown**

There was a feeling. Something squeezed the palm of my hand, stroked the top of my head, and gently rubbed at the back of my ears. Over and over again, in a way that reminded me of the days after I had received my symbiont, when Father watched over me each morning.

It stirred me from sleep, and then it stopped. The touch was no more, and I opened my eyes in wonder of where it had gone.

There was a white wolf in front of me, peering ever so carefully with his blue eyes. He made a quick smile and a polite nod, “Hey… Vilkas.”

Allen… Were you petting me a moment ago?

Allen made a guilty smile, and looked away. As more of my senses awoke, I realized that I had probably beamed my thoughts far and wide. With little more than a thought, the shield folded around my mind again, and I eased myself up into a sitting position.

We were in a room without windows, and to the left was a large and intricate medical pod. They were bigger than I remembered them to be and surrounded by machinery with no hints as to its purpose.

I was sitting in a bed with a blanket pulled up over my lower body. A quick feel revealed that someone had seen fit to put a pair of shorts on me. My curiosity made me look down at myself, and I saw the lingering effect of what I had been through. The fur on my chest, sides, and abdomen had been shortened or even shaved in a variety of places. There were also subtle discolorations, places where my hide hadn’t completely healed yet.

It made me feel oddly naked, but there was already millimeter length fur growing all over the place.

“You okay?” Allen asked.

I looked over at Allen, “I’m fine… What time is it?”

“Morning, but we’re underground, so…” Allen whispered.

“How long have you been awake?” I wondered.

Allen shrugged, “An hour… I wasn’t hurt, but I didn’t want to spend days waiting for the rest of you to wake up, so…”

“You asked to be put to sleep,” I said, then smiled a little.

Allen made a morose smile and shrugged, “… So, you know already.”

“I had a talk with Athena before waking up,” I said.

Allen made a series of deep nods, “And here I was, all worried I'd have to tell you everything by myself.”

I reached out to him, gently touched his cheek, and rubbed the top of his head, much as he had done with me. Allen’s muzzle dropped open a little as I did, and he merely stared at me, stunned as if his mind had ground to a halt.

Without warning, his lips began to tremble, and his ears folded back, “… I shot Kato.”

I gulped, then began to realize that whatever emotional block that had affected me earlier was now long gone. In a near instant, it felt as if I had been thrown into an emotional maelstrom. My left hand was hidden from sight, and I clenched it tight. Tight enough that my pads began to scream from pain as I pushed my claws against them.

It helped. The pain was simple and direct enough to give me ladder out of the maelstrom. I climbed, felt the calm settle over me, and focused on Allen. He had his hands clenched against his knees, held them tight, and seemed to be fighting back against his emotions as he clenched his teeth.

“That wasn’t Kato, Allen,” I said.

Allen made an audible gulp, “It was… Athena confirmed it. She saw the recordings.”

“I meant… Kato was long gone when that thing walked up to us. You didn’t shoot Kato. You saved my life by putting a Lusus out of its misery,” I said.

Allen’s muzzle wavered, and he lowered his gaze to the bed I was sitting on, “… Maybe.”

“That’s the truth, Allen… You’re not to blame for this,” I said.

Allen shook his head, reached up with his hand, and bit on one of his claws, “This is all my fault.”

I let myself inch a little closer, “What do you mean?”

A short wheeze escaped his throat, and I could see the tears start to well up by the corner of his eyes, “John contacted me as we were walking toward the mass grave. They were wondering what we were doing…”

I looked at him in silence and waited.

Allen sniffled and wiped his tears as he kept staring at the bed. “I told him what we found… John told me they were going to investigate something on their own. Kato wanted to teach you a lesson by finding real evidence, and that he’d confront us about leaving the group.”

“… That doesn’t make it your fault, Allen,” I said.

Allen looked up at me and glared, “I felt guilty because I was the one nosing about. I set you on the path to the mass grave, and… I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t say a thing. If I had told you, then you’d have kept an eye on them, and none of this would have happened.”

“You should have told me,” I said.

A shudder ran through him as his eyes widened.

“… And I should have reported in with Kato,” I added.

Confusion seemed to dominate his state of mind as he looked at me, with his eyes shifting ever so subtly as if uncertain what I was saying.

“I didn’t know they were going to get that close to the caves. If I had known…” Allen whispered.

“Why did John…” I whispered.

Allen angled his head to the side and rubbed his temple, “John didn’t clarify, but I think he figured that this was between you and Kato. He was just trying to keep things together because everything was such a mess.”

“A mess?”

“I don’t know… You’ll have to ask him and Peter. Maybe they thought it would appease Kato and keep them from the caves, or… I don’t know,” Allen said, and shook his head.

“Allen,” I said and poked his leg.

Allen kept shaking his head, “There’s going to be a funeral… They’re going to investigate why this happened, how this could happen… How am I supposed to-”

I reached out, caught the side of his muzzle, and lifted his head so that he looked at me. He stared at me, blue eyes glittering with the presence of his tears.

“There were a great many opportunities to stop this from happening. If I had been less aggressive and let Kato rule; vice versa, if I had taken control directly. You could have told me. John could have tamed his anger. Peter could have refused. Kato could have obeyed the warnings of the AIs. It’s everyone’s fault, and no one’s fault.”

Allen blinked as I let go once more, “… You’re not angry?”

“I’m sad and hurt, Allen. Not angry. None of this should have happened, yet it did… We did our best to save the others, and based on what little we know, it couldn’t have gone much better.”

Allen drew a deep, shuddering breath, “… What do we do now? How do we…”

I eased my legs to the side of the bed, and set my paws down on the floor, “We’re going to be by John’s and Peter’s side as they wake up, then we’ll help them get over this. Together.”

“Okay… I can do that,” Allen said with a slow nod.

“This… This must have weighed heavily on you,” I whispered.

Allen’s muzzle opened, seconds passed, and he slowly shut it with another nod.

I inched in closer to him, and lowered my voice, “Do you know about the neurosurgery?”

Allen hovered his muzzle next to my own, and wiped his eyes, “I do… There was a meerkat in here earlier, a doctor of some kind… He explained how the process works and why they… opted to do it.”

“Do you agree with it?” I whispered.

Allen drew a deep, if somewhat shaky breath, “Instinctively? No. Rationally? Yeah. It feels wrong, but when the outcome is the difference between a broken person and a person that might feel violated, then… one is clearly the lesser evil.”

“You refused it,” I said.

“I don’t want anyone poking around my memories… I’ve had a hard enough time dealing with how the symbiont changes the way I think and what that means for me as a person.”

I nodded, “I know.”

Allen looked up at me, “Did you… refuse it as well?”

“I did,” I said, and gently caught his hand as I motioned to the door, “Let’s go.”

“Okay,” Allen murmured.

512 A.R. February 2** 4 ***,* Unknown, M** orning**

Allen glanced around as we walked down the hallway, “Wish I had more clothes…”

I glanced down and took note that he had the same gray shorts I had woken up with, “This is actually pretty modest compared to when I usually wake up in a hospital… or whatever this place is.”

Allen’s eyes widened as he glanced at me, “Really?”

I nodded at him, “Most times I've actually been woken up inside the medical pod and had to crawl my way out. Now…” I reached up and sniffed my arm, “It smells as if someone gave me a shower, dried me, and fitted me with proper shorts.”

Allen reached up and felt his mane, “Yeah… Feels like a good brushing as well.”

I smiled a little, looked in front, and saw a droid standing in the hallway. As I looked at it, the droid raised one hand to motion at the door opposite to it.

Despite its subtle gesture, I decided to reach out with my mind, ‘A question, if you don’t mind?’

The droid turned its head as we approached, ‘Yes?’

‘Where are we?’ I wondered.

‘Aux-base 46, an emergency evacuation facility,’ The droid answered.

‘Why were we brought here?’ I thought.

‘It was the closest facility, and your needs were urgent.’

‘I see, thank you,’ I thought, and stepped up to the door opposite to the droid.

‘You’re welcome,’ The droid answered as its presence faded from my mind.

I grabbed the door, opened it up, and stepped inside, holding the door open for Allen. The room looked like a small ward with a set of beds, a sofa in the corner, and a bunch of monitoring equipment. There was also what looked like subtly veiled cargo elevator to the left. Plain walls, easy-to-wash floor, a ceiling with shielded lights, and a few panels where utility tendrils could emerge from.

As Allen entered, I let go of the door and followed. Peter and John were lying on their own separate beds, covered in blankets, and they seemed to be in a deep sleep. I approached the beds and focused on my nose. Their scents were fresh, but new in the room, and I suspected that the two had been moved here not long ago.

Perhaps through the cargo elevator…

Allen walked up next to Peter’s bed and stopped to look down at his face. I walked up behind him, peered over his shoulder, and saw that Peter’s muzzle had been shaven in more than a few spots. His breath was slow, and his muzzle hung open in such a way that his tongue had managed to slip out a little. Like my own body, there were hints on his skin that suggested some major surgery had taken place.

Next, I moved over to John’s bed, and peered closer at him. He looked the same at first glance, but a closer look at the edge of his shoulder revealed that there was no fur. It made me curious, and I gently reached out to peel his blanket back.

A new arm had been grafted onto his shoulder, and it appeared to be a bit less muscular, even with the lack of any fur. The color also differed as it had a uniform shade of pale gray, compared to the natural blotched mix of black and deeper gray. Fortunately, his natural colors were already starting to spread outward from the shoulder.

Allen was watching in silence from behind me, and I glanced back at him with a gentle smile. He smiled back, but… it didn’t seem to help much, as his ears remained low.

Instead, I sat down on the bed, next to Peter. He snored gently, his tongue resting on the side of his muzzle… As if nothing was wrong.

I reached out, and gently put my hand on Peter’s brown fuzzy chest, “Peter.”

Nothing...

“It’s time to wake up,” I tried once more and gave his chest a gentle rub.

Peter drew a deep rustling breath, but little else happened.

Suddenly, a canine whimper filled the room. It made my ears perk, and I looked over to John’s bed. He grimaced as he bared his teeth and bit together, while his right hand moved to feel his new arm. I got up once more, and had barely moved over as his hand began to tremble while his head trashed from side to side.

“John,” I said.

John made a sudden gasp and his bed groaned as he sat up straight. In a near instant, he looked ready to fight for his life. His eyes were bulging like saucers, and his muzzle hung open as if terrified. Even with my shield up, I could feel the waves of sheer horror that radiated from him.

His eyes glared at me one moment; in the next, darting side to side. I could see his chest thump while his breath grew ragged.

“ John! You’re safe!” I raised my voice and said.

His ears twitched, but he didn’t seem to register what I'd said. Instead, his gaze snapped toward his left arm, and he stared at the furless appendage.

“John,” I tried once more, and settled my hand on his leg.

His attention snapped back to me in an instant. He gasped for breath, still trembling, while his muzzle wavered. Finally, it was as if something clicked inside his mind, and he realized who I was.

I looked him in the eyes and motioned with my hands, “You’re in a hospital, Peter’s in the bed next to you. Allen is right next to me… We’re all fine, John. You survived.”

John looked to my side, blinked as he saw Allen, and then shifted his gaze toward Peter’s still-sleeping form. He shut his muzzle, lowered his gaze, and made an audible gulp.

“We’re right here, John,” I repeated, once more.

Slowly, he lifted his gaze to me, as if still uncertain whether I was real.

“John,” I whispered.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think we’d…”

I could see it coming, slowly. The way his voice began to waver, and how his brow twitched along with his trembling lips. A long but low canine whimper began, while his nose flared with each shaky breath.

Tears began to stream down the fur of his muzzle, and his entire face twisted into an ugly grimace. Instinct guided me as I moved closer and reached out with my arms. A loud and wailing sob followed as he reached out with his hands and sucked hold of me. He near clawed my sides as I let him in against my chest.

As I held him, the sob worsened. He cried, sobbed, and wailed as he pushed the top of his head against my chest and opened his muzzle wide. It was an ugly sound, full of despair, and it made my own ears clamp shut as I wrapped my arms over his back.

It tugged at my own heart, and I could barely swallow as my own vision grew blurry.

In the midst of it all, I became aware of another noise from behind. It made me look back, and I felt my ears drop as Allen was breaking down into another sob of his own. His hands were wiping tears, while his tail desperately tried to wedge itself between his legs.

This is…

As the two of them broke into loudmouthed bawling, I noticed movement from the opposite bed.

Peter had just opened his eyes, and he lifted his drooling maw from the pillow. He stared at us as if we were crazy, while Allen moved up behind me, and put his hands on my back.

Peter’s expression slowly shifted from concern, to a look of complete bafflement at what was either some weird-ass nightmare or a dose of heavy-handed amnesia.

I gave Peter an awkward smile and watched as he eased himself out of the bed. He then moved closer to us and reached out to Allen as he wrapped his arms around him. Allen, much like John, was quick to shelter his head as Peter hugged him.

Peter’s gaze wandered to me, and while pained at first, his expression lifted into a smile.

I couldn’t speak, and I could feel that if I tried, I'd start bawling as well. Instead, I reached out with one hand toward Peter. He reached out in turn, caught my hand, and seemed to struggle as his own expression fought back a wave of tears.

512 A.R. February 2** 4 ***,* Aux-base 46 – Ward** , **** M *i* dday**

A strange silence settled in the room as the crying stopped. Immediate and uncontrollable sadness was replaced with contemplation, and little needed to be said as everyone pulled back from one another.

Part of me found it perplexing, but my instincts urged me to step back. There would be a time to talk and to mend things, but for now a bit of solace was needed.

I lingered near the door, watching, listening, discretely spying on the others.

John was walking around, and seemed to focus on getting used to his new arm. Allen had disappeared down the hallway, and he was sipping tea in a small cafeteria. Peter had wandered off, and now stalked the hallways at random.

Minutes had passed since I last saw Peter, and I found myself worried. My nose guided me along the hallways as I stalked his scent. The facility we were in seemed to be rather big, and there were hundreds of rooms that seemed built to house entire families.

Emergency evacuation, as said…

It felt as if I should have been doing a lot of things: talking with Ares, digging through the Archives, contacting my parents, asking Volkov about the mysterious voice that had forced me back to consciousness. Instead, I was tired, and the world felt heavy.

Peter’s scent suddenly ended, and I stopped walking. I backtracked a bit, followed the scent to door with a label that indicated a storage room of some kind.

Give him space?

For a moment I considered walking away, but… I couldn’t.

I grabbed the door handle, eased it down, and pulled the door open. The light was on and the walls were lined with a variety of labeled boxes. Carefully, I stepped inside, glanced to the right, and then looked over to the left.

A box was lying on the ground, and the contents had been scattered across the floor. They looked like uniforms of various sizes, but my focus was drawn to the corner of the room. Peter was sitting on the floor, knees held high, hands covering most of his head. He squinted at me from his corner, with his ears pulled back, and his nose nestled between his knees.

“… Want to be left alone?” I asked.

Peter blinked once, and then looked toward the wall in silence.

I reached back, pulled the door shut with a click, and approached Peter in his corner. Once in front of him, I crouched down, settled among the scattered uniforms, and met his gaze once more.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

Peter’s neck shifted a little, and I could hear him swallow, “No, I'm not, but I will be.”

I inched closer, “Mind if I join you?”

Peter glanced at the floor, then whispered, “No.”

I crawled closer, made sure my tail wouldn’t get squished, and nestled up close to him. Peter watched me with one eye, and his ears began to perk a little as I brushed shoulders with him.

Peter drew a deep breath, “I want to do good. I try to do good. But for some reason, I keep fucking things up. I didn’t want to bother you, and someone needed to keep an eye on Kato. I never imagined it would turn out like it did, but…”

“There’s little I can say,” I whispered.

Peter frowned, and his mood seemed to darken, as he lifted his muzzle, “You should be angry. You should be shouting at me. You should… curse me for what I did.”

I kept my voice low as I stayed close to him and drew deep breaths to savor his peppery scent. “Everyone screwed up, Peter. If there’s a lesson to be learned here, then I think everyone is more than capable of learning it without me needing to shout at people.”

Peter’s ears flattened once more, “It feels absurd to even say it, but I think some of us were jealous of the situations you kept getting yourself into all the time. Guess we got what we asked for.”

I shook my head, “No one deserved this. Kato didn’t. Reville didn’t. You didn’t.”

Peter eyed me in silence for a moment, “… Mm.”

I inched in and nuzzled the edge of his muzzle, “John woke up terrified and bawling. You woke up… calm. Why?”

Peter glanced away, “I’m not… calm. I just…”

“You’re not sure where to begin, what to think, how to process it…” I whispered.

Peter nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it? What happened in there?” I asked.

Peter shook his head, “No, but I could use a hug.”

I reached in, slipped my arms around him, and let my claws dig into the thick mane along his back.

Peter let out a sort of content, almost-surprised gasp and met my gaze, “What are you-”

I kept nudging him towards me, and Peter shuffled along as he settled back against my chest. While he made himself comfortable, I was just about tall enough to settle my muzzle along the side of his throat. He nuzzled me back while I slipped my arms around his midsection.

“Does this count as a hug?” I wondered.

“It’ll do,” Peter said with a chuckle, while his lips pulled into a smile.

“Anything else you want?” I whispered, and gently scratched his chest.

“Did you save us?” Peter asked.

I drew a deep breath, “I played a very small role. Allen was by my side. Volkov—the guy inside my head—controlled our forces. Maxwell sent hunter-killer droids to help. I was scared, followed a map as best I could, and tried to keep myself from panicking.”

“I suspect you’re lying,” Peter whispered.

“Not really,” I answered.

“But you came, nonetheless,” Peter said.

“Of course, we did,” I said.

“Allen helped?” Peter asked.

I jabbed Peter’s side with a claw, “Allen loves both of you, with all his heart, and he never hesitated, Peter. He managed to save me as well while we were in there.”

Peter’s ears wiggled as he gave me a sideways glance, “Noted…”

I let my claws dig through his thick fur, “Ares sent every drone and droid that would fit through the cracks in the mountain. We made our way through that hellish place, and we were ambushed from time to time. A gigantic worm-tentacle almost crushed me, and then-”

“Then you found us,” Peter said.

I nodded, “We remote controlled your suits, and sprinted out.”

“That’s it?” Peter asked.

“Well, most of it,” I said.

Peter drew a deep breath, and his hands furled around my own.

“… Why this corner?” I wondered.

Peter squeezed my hands, “I… I can’t stop thinking that this is some kind virtual reality I conjured up. Something I used to escape, just so that I could survive a little bit longer… so that I could see you again. It scares me… I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, and-”

Peter’s voice started to grow shaky. I tightened my grip a little, then blew my warm breath into the fur along his neck. He stopped talking, and I could hear him sniffle a little.

“This is reality, Peter… I’m here, and you’re here. The others are safe, and we can stay in here as long as you want… or something happens which requires us to leave,” I whispered.

Peter chuckled, “… You never make promises you can’t keep.”

I stifled a chuckle on my own, “I do my best.”

“… I love you,” Peter whispered.

“I love you too, Peter,” I said, and shut my eyes.

“… They did something to our memories, didn’t they?” Peter asked.

“How did you know?” I wondered.

“I can remember it as a whole… From the point that the ground gave way, as those tentacles caught us and brought us deep into the mountain. How...” Peter dug his claws into my hand.

“Easy…” I whispered.

Peter sighed and seemed to relax a little, “… I remember it all, but the details are fuzzy. Usually I have photographic memory, but now… It feels as if the specifics cause my mind to draw a blank.”

“The AIs and others drew the conclusion that it would be too much to handle at once. They blurred your memories, but in time you will recover it all,” I said.

“… I’m not sure I want to remember the details,” Peter whispered.

“I understand,” I whispered.

“… Kato is dead,” Peter said without warning.

“I know,” I said.

“So is Reville,” Peter said.

I stayed silent.

“Did we gain anything from all this? Did their deaths serve any purpose? Did…”

“Hedwig is no more. The Luminaire have most likely lost their influence in Sophos. Hannival’s records were found in the bunker. The attack meant to infest our cities has been thwarted.”

Peter’s ears perked high, “We need to figure out who was responsible, what Hannival did… why they did this…”

“We will,” I said.

Peter settled back, and I could feel his tail squirm a little. A noise made me look up, and I could see John peer into the room. He looked at us, tipped his head at an angle, and simply stared for a moment as if trying to understand what we were doing.

“Did you find them!?” Allen shouted from somewhere outside the room.

John pulled his head back, and I heard him scream, “They’re snuggling in here, and they didn’t tell us!”

Peter’s ears twitched as he raised his voice, “You’re not supposed to like snuggling!”

John huffed as he looked back into the room and gave him a feral grin, “Up yours, Peter.”

“In your fucking dreams!” Peter snapped.

John started chuckling, while Allen squirmed his way inside so that he could look at us. Peter proceeded to sigh, and he grumbled something under his breath while John moved closer.

“Make way… Make way,” John mused with a grin as he walked up, crouched down next to me, and cozied up while I folded one arm around him.

Peter looked up at Allen and pointed to the spot next to him, “Over here, Allen… Right here.”

Allen smiled to himself and nodded as he sauntered closer.

512 A.R. February 2** 4 ***,* Aux-base 46 – Supply Room** , **** M *i* dday**

Some kind of mass exhaustion seemed to have grabbed everyone. Peter drew deep, long breaths as I held him close. John had fallen asleep against my side. Allen was splayed out across all three of us, one hand holding my thigh, his head resting against Peter’s abdomen, while John hugged his midsection.

I lowered the shield around my mind, and I caught a rather weird sensation. Churning and grinding, as if they were thinking deep about something in their sleep. Dreams, perhaps, as they slowly processed recent events?

Either way, they did seem to sleep rather peacefully, even if the air inside the cramped room was starting to get rather stuffy. I found myself on edge with the feeling that there were more than a few things which required my attention.

Marcus was one of those issues. I lifted my gaze to the ceiling, and reached out with my mind to the surrounding structure.

‘Hello?’ I thought.

Something awoke within the facility, a presence grew in the back of my mind, and a simple, mechanical voice spoke up, “Vocal Expert System activated. What is your query?”

‘Locate Marcus,’ I thought.

‘One resident within the facility matches your search query. Down the hall, room 39.’

‘Thank you, that’s all,’ I thought.

‘Vocal Expert System disengaging…’ The presence faded moments later.

Seems like this facility is rather simple…

Carefully, I began to wedge myself loose from the others. Peter murmured, and John grumbled. Upon standing up, I felt something tug on the fur along the back of my leg. I glanced down in wonder and saw Peter peering up at me.

“Stay…” Peter murmured.

I reached down and brushed the bushy fur on top of his head, “I’m going to check on Marcus.”

Peter blinked as if it woke him up, “… Oh.”

I tipped my head, “Something I should know?”

Peter leaned back, and gave me a troubled frown, “I’d offer to come along, but… I doubt he wants to see the rest of us.”

“I see,” I whispered.

Peter reached up and scratched his temple, “… Don’t be surprised if he’s angry.”

I guess more than a few things happened in there…

“I’ll be gentle,” I said, and nodded.

“Mm,” Peter murmured as I stepped away from the corner and walked up to the door.

I glanced back to give Peter a quick wave, and silently opened the door as I slipped out.

Room 39…

I followed the hallway, counted the doors, and stopped outside one of the family rooms. Sniffing the air revealed little, until I came upon the very edge of the door and caught a hint of the scent within.

Wolf… Male… Warm and stuffy… Kind of smelly… Marcus…

I raised my hand to the door and knocked a couple of times.

No answer… 1… 2… 3… Here I come…

My hand grasped the handle, and I eased it down until the door began to move. The inside looked like a hotel room, but there was only bit of light coming from within. I made my way inside, and looked toward the right where I could see a large double bed. The light next to the bed was lit, and I could see the form of a wolf curled up in the bed.

Smells like Marcus…

“Marcus?” I asked.

The voice was low and droning, “What do you want?”

Are you okay? No, of course not… Want to join the rest of us? I’d assume the answer is no…

I drew a deep breath, and took another step inside as I faced the bed, “How are you holding up?”

Marcus rose to a sitting position from lying on his side, and he turned his head to look back at me. Our eyes met, and for a moment he just gave me a soulless stare.

“Oh, it’s you,” Marcus said.

I pointed at the door, “I wanted to check up on you, to see how-”

His eyes widened as he stared back at me, “To see how I'm doing? How the hell do you think I'm doing, Vilkas?”

I opened my muzzle but didn’t have time to say anything.

“I came from a broken pack, and I was slotted into another broken one. Reville and Monty were like peas in a pod, and not even Kato had much clue what was going on in their heads. Kato was a damn fuck-up as well with an ego the size of damn blimp…” Marcus said and maintained his unbroken stare.

I was uncertain what to say what to do, and I started to feel as if I had been nudged in here as part of something that I didn’t understand yet.

Marcus spared little time and bared his teeth as he kept talking, “I fit like a damn square through a round hole, but we were all broken in our own ways, and for a while they were my family of broken odds and ends.”

“Mm,” I murmured with a nod.

Marcus’ hand gripped at the bed, and his claws began to dig into the mattress, “Kato is fucking dead, and he died while trying to pretend he was you , and when that fucking bitch figured it out, she squashed Reville as if he was a melon.”

I gulped, “… There’s very little I can say.”

Marcus’ hackles began to bristle as he leaned over the bed, “It’s your fucking fault.”

That’s… not fair…

I remained as I was, feeling wedged into silence as I bit together.

“ You and your fucking pack of cowards!” Marcus spat with a snarl.

I couldn’t help it, and I felt my own lips ripple, “Watch it, Marcus.”

Marcus’ chest heaved as he gasped for breath, “Reville exploded, and it did something to that monster that made her drop us all. Do you- do you know what your pack did!? Peter grabbed John, and he RAN! ”

My anger faded away, “… Of course, he ran.”

Marcus’ muzzle wavered, his brow turned into stark frown, and he shook his head erratically.

“I bet you ran as well, along with Monty when you realized there was nothing you could do,” I said.

“You… You are fucking evil,” Marcus growled.

“And you’re a fucking whelp, Marcus… I haven’t seen the records, so I don’t know what happened in there, but I bet Monty’s suit was pierced in a way that caused him to get infested.”

“What’s your damn point?” Marcus asked and leaned back.

I raised my hand and pointed at him, “Who removed his head and carried him to the safe spot.”

Marcus’ ears flattened.

“Who found the safe spot, Marcus?” I asked.

Marcus gulped as he settled back, “It was sheer luck.”

“Ah,” I said.

The ferocious anger inside him seemed to turn into mush. His hackles flattened, and his shoulders slouched as his gaze drooped to the edge of the bed.

I took a step closer to the bed, “There are a great many things we could have done differently. Most of which would have prevented it from happening, but what’s done is done, and this is a pain we’ll never forget.”

Marcus shook his head, “You have no right to speak like that… You… You’re-”

“Evil? If that helps you rationalize all this, then fine, go for it…” I said.

Marcus lifted his gaze and looked at me as if stunned.

I swallowed, then motioned to myself. “I wish I had made different choices. Now, I intend to look forward. I’m going to find out how all of this fits together, who was responsible for what, and how we punish those that set all of this in motion.”

Marcus stifled a chuckle and raised a hand to his muzzle, “You… Are you here to try and… recruit me or something?”

“No,” I said and shook my head.

“Good… Because I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near you or your fucking pack!”

I shook my head for a moment, “… I’m thinking that we’ll make a meal later on and take a look at Hannival’s records that were found in the bunker. You can join or not: it’s your choice.”

Marcus lifted his head as he focused on me, and whispered, “… Fuck you.”

I stepped back, drew a deep breath, and lowered my head, “I’m sorry, for all of this.”

“You better fucking be,” Marcus said, holding his stare.

I turned around, stepped out, and brought the door to a close behind me.

512 A.R. February 2** 4 ***,* Aux-base 46 – Hallways** , **** M *i* dday**

I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my shorts as I walked. Ears folded back, tail twitching at times—I felt annoyed and irritated as much as I was angry at myself.

‘Athena,’ I thought, as I reached out with my mind.

Her presence settled on my shoulder as if she’d reserved a spot, and I heard her whisper in my ear, ‘Yes, Vilkas?’

‘You cleverly dropped a note about Marcus, knowing that I'd check up on him. You also saw fit to make sure the rest of us woke up without his presence,’ I thought.

‘That is correct… I’m sure you can see why?’ Athena answered.

I slowed my pace, let out a slow sigh, and felt as part of the puzzle fell into place, “… Marcus’ pack doesn’t exist any longer, and Monty isn’t going to be around for a long time. Even with the neurosurgery, he’s been mentally crushed and will have a hard time recovering. In other words, he’s digging himself into a hole of despair and anger. At the same time, you can’t risk him destabilizing the others. You lured me in there to act as a relief valve.”

‘Marcus is having an angry fit in the room as we speak, as the anger leaves him, he will begin to realize that it’s not your fault. This, in turn, will begin his long recovery… My apologies for using you to accomplish it,’ Athena said.

I muttered to myself and reached up to scratch my temple, “As much as it annoys me, I understand your reasoning.”

‘Thank you,’ Athena whispered.

I drew a deep breath and looked in front, ‘Are there going to be consequences for the rest of us?’

‘No, Vilkas… You’ve done nothing wrong, and you’ve beaten the odds in a rescue operation that had a low chance of success,’ Athena said.

‘What about the funeral?’ I wondered.

‘That is up to you and the others. No expectations are placed on you… I will delicately inquire whether his family wants your presence and will inform you when it is time,’ Athena said.

‘… Thank you,’ I thought, and came to a slow stop.

‘I apologize for the stupid question, but you seem bothered,’ Athena said.

I leaned onto the nearby wall and tilted my head back as I looked into the ceiling lights, ‘I told Marcus that the rest of us would look at Hannival’s records. Will we be given access to it?’

‘Despite the circumstances, you and your pack are proving resilient. If you and the others wish to see the records, then they are yours, as are the suit recordings.’

I nodded to myself, ‘Good, and what happens next? Where do we go after this?’

‘Review Hannival’s materials, and we will talk afterwards…’ Athena said.

I heard the click of claws, glanced to the side, and saw John walking down the hallway while looking at me.

‘Understood. Vilkas out…’ I thought.

It felt like she gave me an understanding nod, and her presence lifted like a fluttering bird as John walked up.

I turned to face John as he stopped in front of me and glanced around, “John?”

“… Can we talk?” John wondered and made a subtle shrug.

I glanced to my right, noticed that we were standing beside another of those residential units, and motioned to it. “Sure… In here?”

John glanced at the door as if he hadn’t even considered the possibility, “Is that okay?”

I stepped back to the door, opened it, and let it swing open, “This entire base seems abandoned… Allen did mention a meerkat moving about, but I haven’t seen or caught a scent yet.”

John moved closer, glimpsed into the room, and made a slow nod as he sauntered inside.

I followed in his wake, closed the door behind me, and looked around. The room seemed to be a mirrored variant of Marcus’ room, and I watched in silence as John walked up to the bed with his back turned to me.

Seconds passed, but little seemed to happen, so I walked closer to John, “… John?”

John crossed his arms, turned to face me. His ears were low, his expression neutral, and his gaze seemed bothered as he met my own.

“… Can I help?” I wondered.

John’s gaze wandered along the walls, “You can. I just… When I walked in here, I knew what I wanted to say and ask, but now I feel as if I'm grasping at straws.”

I nodded in silence.

John drew a deep breath, “Peter told me you were going to see Marcus and that we’d look through Hannival’s records… How did it go?”

I made a morose smile, “Badly… But he’ll heal, in time.”

John nodded, “I didn’t expect anything else to be honest…”

“… Do you want to talk about what happened in the bunker?” I wondered.

John’s ears twitched, and he gave me a quick stare, “No, I don’t.”

“… Okay?” I whispered.

John frowned, “There’s not much to say. Hedwig ripped my arm off. Kato died. Reville exploded. The rest of us ran. Monty got infested, and we convinced his suit to pop his head like a damn wine bottle. After that we hid in the vault, set the flame throwers to auto, and then you hauled our asses out of there. That’s all.”

“… That’s all,” I said.

John kept staring, “That’s all. End of story.”

“Okay,” I said with another nod.

There was tension in his muzzle, and I could see the way he clenched his teeth in agitation.

Clearly… That’s not all…

“So, what do you want to talk about?” I wondered.

John let out a loud sigh, reached up to scratch his head, and came to a quick stop as he came to stare at his mostly furless arm, “… I thought I'd miss my old arm. That I'd have these ‘phantom pains’, or mental problems where it didn’t feel like my ‘own’ arm. Instead they just slapped another one on, and in less than a day I'm using it just like my old one.”

“The benefits of being what we are,” I said.

John flexed his arm and made a slow nod before looking back at me, “… What happens next? Where do we go? Are we going to get thrown out of the Defense Force?”

I motioned to John, “We’re not getting thrown out, John. There’s plenty of blame to go around, but our actions were not… illegal. What happens next depends on what you and the others decide.”

“And as usual, you have no real opinion on anything,” John said and squinted as he focused on me.

I perked my brow, “… My intent is to find out who was pulling the strings behind this disaster, and then we’ll figure out how to solve the problem. It’s not a matter of me not having an opinion; it’s that I prefer not to throw it around.”

John drew a deep breath and nodded, “Good… That’s good.”

I motioned to him, “You’re angry.”

“… Of course I'm angry. You aren’t?” John asked.

I took another step closer, “I am, but I don’t need telepathy to tell that your anger is different.”

John’s lips rippled for a moment, “It’s because I don’t understand it, and I have no fucking clue how you do it.”

“Do what?” I wondered, and stepped up to him.

John leaned back a little, and the rippling anger seemed to fade as he looked up at me. For a moment, he just stared, seemingly uncertain or confused about his own feelings.

“Talk to me, John… No filters, just help me understand,” I whispered as I loomed in front of him.

John looked at me with a burning focus, “… I did have friends in the undercity. Most of them were people from the city who couldn’t stand being around hybrids. Others were free-ranging ones from the wastes that found their way inside. All of them despised Sophos, but they clung to its infrastructure like parasites.”

“Harsh words for your friends,” I said.

John shrugged, “I cared for them, was a part of them for years, but feelings don’t change the truth of it. They were parasites, all of them. Thousands of humans just breeding like damn rabbits, spending their lives trying to rip apart anything they could get their hands on, be it fire-sprinklers to service-droids. The whole undercity was a plague that acted as an example to the rest of the capital, a boogeyman for children, and a reminder that humans were nothing more than an inconvenient step for hybrid reproduction.”

“… Yet you were down there? Helping them? Being a part?” I wondered.

John stepped back, and his leg bumped into the back of the bed in the room, “I remember when I was little, and I'd have these moments… when human instinct took over.”

I watched him in silence.

John sighed and looked back at me, “Have you ever had moments like that? When you feel like you want to hurt someone? When there’s so much rage inside you, that it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong, or if it’s your parents that you’re arguing with… You just want to find some way to cause them pain, so you think of the most vile things to say, and it just spills out?”

“Jason insulted my family when I was little, and he wouldn’t stop taunting me. I hit him, and screamed things I still regret to this day,” I said.

John’s expression softened. In fact, he almost seemed a bit shocked as his ears wiggled, “… Well, my parents understood that I didn’t mean what I was saying or doing. It was just my humanity acting out. I remember how my mother sat me down afterwards, and we’d go through human psychological patterns. How to recognize them, how they worked, why they existed. She told me that it wasn’t my fault, but I needed to understand these patterns, and by understanding them, I could help suppress them.”

“Sounds like your parents did their best,” I said.

“I love my parents, and I'm still ashamed of the things I did as a human,” John said and glanced back, before easing himself down on the bed.

Where is this going?

“And?” I wondered, and joined his side as I sat down next to him on the bed.

John held up his hand and made a small gap between two claws, “It was this close. If things had been just a bit different, then I would be ash in the undercity by now, and it all came down to one choice. One little decision that I made while drunk, sitting in the corner of a room, while my ‘friend’ painted the curtains with his puke.”

My eyes widened, “Sounds like you had quite the adventures in the undercity…”

John blinked as if pondering what he was saying, “This isn’t how I was planning to say all of this, but you said no filters, and now I'm talking so…”

“Go on, I want to know,” I said.

John threw me a glimpse, “Despite being raised by hybrids, the others considered me pure. I was o** ne** of them.”

“Were you?” I asked.

John shrugged, and then shook his head, “No, I wasn’t. At the same time, I was there, I helped them, they were my friends, so… Yeah, kinda.”

“… Why?” I wondered.

John gritted his teeth, “I didn’t hate Sophos, or hybrids, but they did scare me. The humans in the undercity had lots of stories. Most of them, nothing more but bullshit, but as you kept hearing it…”

“It grew on you?” I wondered.

“Hybrids were the enemy of humanity. The city above them was the oppressor. They could be so kind and gentle to each other, but they could turn in an instant… They were obsessed with finding spies, and I was put on the spot more than once. People vanished, and it wasn’t the city above that made them disappear.”

I spoke up, “I housed a lot of doubts growing up. About society, how the symbiont would change my mind, the secrets that existed all around me, but-”

John looked back at me, “But you didn’t join a bunch of crazy humans. You didn’t sit at parties listening to people planning terrorist actions.”

My muzzle wavered, “… Help me understand.”

John raised his hand and waved it in the air as if cursing someone, “I wanted to… I needed to understand. My parents told me that as long as I understood my nature, as long as I could master it, then I'd have no problems whether I wanted to become a hybrid or stay a human. But I couldn’t understand my nature, no matter how much I tried. I studied psychology, I read books from before the collapse, but it didn’t help. It didn’t explain why I was angry at everything, or why the world didn’t make any sense. It didn’t explain how I could show my closest friends proof of something, and they’d just dismiss it as they replaced it with some fantasy of their own.”

I observed him in silence.

John gulped and knit his hand, “I needed to see it. I needed to experience what they were doing. To understand them and myself. Because if I got a symbiont without that understanding, then I was sure I was going to die.”

“… I see,” I whispered.

John shook his head, “They wanted to destroy one of the struts holding the city up. The fact that everyone in the undercity would die was irrelevant when it would finally lead to a nationwide rebellion to make things right. It was a holy mission, worth any cost.”

“What happened?” I wondered.

John chuckled and looked at me, “What do you think? The ‘strut’ holding up the city was nothing more than a honey pot. Even if the humans had somehow managed to break it, not a single fucking thing would have happened to the city. Of course, I wasn’t privileged enough to learn of such things until I became a hybrid.”

“So…” I whispered.

John looked up at me, “I may have been angry and in search of answers, but I wasn’t willing to become a murderer over it. They may have dressed up their motivations with a lot of flair, but in the end, they were nothing more than twisted monsters with dreams where they were the heroes. I contacted my parents about what they were planning, and told them I couldn’t leave because it would arouse suspicion.”

“You stayed?” I wondered.

“I wanted to see the epicenter of it all. One last attempt at understanding what the hell was wrong inside me and the others.”

“So, what happened?”

“What usually happens when Sophos is threatened. The AIs knew all along… They let the humans have their little crusade, and as all the guilty ones gathered on the service platform with the strut, we were all knocked unconscious.”

“Ah,” I said.

“It was sudden. One moment I was running, the next I was on the ground… Wondering why there were so many stars in my vision. I was in a hospital bed when I woke up, surrounded by my parents.”

“… The others?” I wondered.

John clasped his hands and rubbed them back and forth, “The leaders behind the attack were purged. Those that could be salvaged were put into counseling or got exiled, the rest were released back into the fold. They were all outsmarted and outmaneuvered… Sophos smashed their dreams, and once more proved itself unassailable.”

“You’ll have to excuse me, but I'm having problems figuring out your feelings here. Do you care for humanity? Hate them? Love them? How does this work?” I wondered.

John’s ears clamped to his head, his muzzle hung open, and he seemed to ponder.

After almost a minute, he began to whisper, “I don’t hate humanity. I just… Humans can’t help what they are, and how they think. Those of us who are born to the artificial womb are supposed to have improved genes, but even with that… the lessons of my parents, and the support of the system… I still had trouble managing my emotions.”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

John looked at me, “I still don’t have these answers, so when I see things like the cult, the Luminaire, Lucas… When I see the humans of Sophos acting as they do, and when I hear stories about the other human nations. It drives me mad, because part of me feels what’s going through their heads, but I'm also powerless to stop it. Even if I fully understood it, it feels like I wouldn’t be able to make the words or shape my thoughts in a way that would reach out to them. So, I get angry. I want to shout and scream at them. I want them all to stop… Just for a moment, and think. But that doesn’t happen.”

“Mm,” I murmured.

John’s shoulders slouched as if he was deflating, “Part of me doesn’t understand why this is allowed to continue. Why should we feed and care for people who want nothing to do with us? Compassion? Morals? Is it worth it when you know that you’re feeding an endless cycle? Is it a lesson to the rest of us, and if so… isn’t that wickedly unethical? To keep people alive just to act as an example?”

“… Respecting the will of individuals matters,” I said.

“Up until they become an actual threat, you mean… When the humans of the undercity were infested, when their dreams of overthrowing Sophos were finally coming to fruition, that’s when a switch was flicked, and the undercity boiled with plasma that turned everything into ash.”

I nodded, “Harsh, but true, and necessary.”

“But it doesn’t solve anything! It’s just an endless cycle of suffering!” John suddenly snapped.

I leaned back a little, “I don’t have an answer to these things, John…”

John shook his head and sighed, “Playing smart and pulling distracting tricks won’t work forever. Things will spiral out of control, and everything will end when it does.”

“Maybe,” I said.

John raked his claws along the fur on his legs, “Or, this is all just one big experiment, like the neural-net ones at school.”

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“You didn’t have them? Training neural-nets, setting the conditions, letting it evolve?” John asked.

“We did… You define the parameters you want, set up rewards and punishments. Then you let the neural-net run in whatever environment you’ve built for it. Eventually it settles into something usable.”

“Only after thousands upon thousands of failures, wipes, and tweaks. What if we’re one of those experiments on a grand scale? What if this cycle of suffering is nothing more than a data-gathering session, and when it’s done, the planet will just be reset?”

I motioned to him, “Sure, that could be it.”

John’s muzzle dropped open, and his eyes flared wide.

I sighed and inched closer, “But, I don’t think that’s very credible.”

John blinked, “And what do you base that on? Faith? Refusal because the alternative isn’t an option? You’re good at peeling others apart and talking them down, but I hardly know a thing about you as a person, Vilkas.”

I perked my brow, “Are you turning this into a discussion about me?”

John clenched his fist, “I don’t open up to many people, Vilkas… Of course it’s about you.”

I stared at him in silence.

John shook his head, “Kato disagreed with you on a lot of things. He saw you save Lucas, but to him it wasn’t because you cared in any way. You did it as a cold and calculated move. That was his view of you: a good chess player aiming at the top, using whatever and whoever you needed to make things move along.”

“… I got that impression from him, yes,” I said.

John drew a deep breath, “I think Kato was wrong about your motivations, but he was right about how you approach things. The thing is that we need your approach. That kind of thinking is why we’ve managed to come this far, and it’s the same kind of thinking that kept Veripolis safe from the undercity. It’s cold and calculated, but it’s also the reason why the system works, and why any of us are alive at this point.”

“You’re all over the place, and I think you give me too much credit,” I said.

John huffed, “Maybe…”

I lowered my voice and inched closer to him, “What is it that you want from me, John?”

John’s muzzle wavered, “Do you believe in something, Vilkas?”

“Believe? You mean like… superstition?” I wondered.

John shook his head, “No, I mean like… hope.”

“Hope is a bit better, but it’s still little more than a soothing belief that tomorrow will be better.”

“But there has to be something like hope out there, even for us hybrids,” John said.

“There is,” I said.

John froze for a moment, “… I swear that I will hit you if this is some lame-ass quote meant to give me some kind of deep insight.”

I shook my head, “It’s nothing like that, but my answer for these questions might not be the same as yours.”

John sank back as if waiting for me to answer.

I pointed to my chest, “The search for these answers is its own reward. I might never find the answers to these questions, but they have brought me along a path which I do not regret. I have you, Peter, Allen. My understanding of this world grows for each day that passes. We stumble, we encounter pain, but… that’s only more reason to do better in the future.”

“Well, it’s not a quote, but it’s still a pretty lame answer,” John said.

I smiled back at him, and reached up with my hands, “Then…”

John sat tall and his ears perked as my hands approached his cheeks, “What are you…”

“Let me do this,” I whispered.

John didn’t resist as I slipped my hands through the thick fur along his cheeks, and gently pulled to dip his head downward. As he looked down, I leaned in to put my head against us, heads lined up vertically.

A tingle flowed between us as a link was established, and I whispered, ‘Can you hear me?’

‘… Yes?’ John thought, while his consciousness simmered with questions of what I was doing.

I conjured up an image of Mars, the view from the shuttle with Milly. ‘See this?’

‘… That’s Mars,’ John thought.

‘Feel it,’ I thought, imagined a slideshow of my memories, and let my mind wander.

I thought of Milly as Marcus insisted on saving her, Fenrir’s anger as the AI struggled with his budding sapience, the fight with the Lusus in the forest, the words that echoed in my mind as Maxwell told me to gaze upon the far side of the moon. The mystery of it all, the awe and burning sensation in my chest as I grasped for answers to make sense of the world.

John’s breath picked up pace as I held him, and I felt his thoughts flutter along my own.

Might give you one hell of a headache, but you asked for this…

Finally, I thought of Etemenanki’s garden. It was risky given what we’d seen in the bunker, but I wanted him to see the bright lights, life as it flourished within a being dedicated to helping the world.

The link between us shuddered, and I figured that he’d had his fill. I calmed my thoughts, let the link fade between us, and eased back.

John stared at the bed between us, and I could see his hand twitch a little. His breath wavered, and he lifted his gaze to look at me once more.

“… You okay?” I wondered.

“That was… intense,” John whispered.

“… Are you angry with me?” I wondered.

“No… I’m not,” John said, and blinked as if perplexed by the question.

“So, does that qualify as an answer?” I wondered.

John grew a sheepish smile, “It does… Please tell me there’s more? I mean, how did you get into-”

“Shh…” I whispered and raised a finger to the tip of my nose.

John promptly shut his muzzle, and nodded, “I get it…”

“Good,” I said with a renewed smile.

“… Are you disappointed in me?” John asked without warning.

“Disappointed?” I asked in wonder.

John shrugged and tipped his head, “I’ve just told you that I'm a pretty big fuck-up, and we haven’t even touched on what happened in the bunker, so-”

I poked his leg and watched him jump a little in surprise, “I didn’t expect this, John… But you’re not a disappointment. If anything, this helps me understand you better, so… Stop beating yourself up.”

His smile returned as he made a subtle nod, “I’ll try.”

I inched closer to his muzzle, “I’m really glad you’re still here, John. All of you. What happened in the last few days has been the worst emotional experience in my life, and my greatest relief as we found you.”

John’s ears wiggled, “I know that, Vilkas… I like you too.”

I inched in and nudged the side of his muzzle. It made him shiver a little, but it only took moments before he reciprocated with a gentle nuzzle.