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The Gift

Stephanie's Storyline, Chapter 4.1

copyright comidacomida 2018

George Eliot once said "The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice." When I was going through high school and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life I stumbled across that quote and it meant a lot to me then. It's strange to think how our perceptions change over time; a few years later, the meaning of that quote holds so much more to me. Those unfamiliar with George Eliot may know the name in passing and may have heard that he was an English novelist and poet, but what they don't know is that it was just a pen name, and artist's true name was Mary Ann Evans and yes, she was a she.

It's strange realizations and understandings like that which allow us to grow; broadening our comprehension and having a greater view of the big picture. Some may say that enlightenment is the absence of ignorance but I would argue that it is, in actuality, the comprehension that there are things to which we will always be ignorant. Growth, as Ms Evans said, is in making a choice and in my mind that choice is actively making the decision to reduce ignorance. By the time I'd spent month with my Spirit companions I realized just how ignorant I was and I took steps to fix that.

It had been a difficult introduction to Spirits and their ways but, by the fifth week things had finally started to calm down. Medved and Tom, who had consistently been resistant to Anapa and Kyle had calmed some and were not so aggressively against their presence. There were still moments of tension, of course, but, for the most part there was a degree of begrudging acceptance. Despite the initial rivalry between Anapa and Kyle the two Spirits had managed to mesh well together; the Raven would translate for the Jackal and the Jackal generally abided the Raven's presence. There were even some moments now and again where they actually appeared to enjoy one another's company and Kyle stopped calling Anapa a Scavenger.

My apartment had become a neutral ground of sorts; although the Spirits continued to have their occasional arguments and disagreements that ended at my door and they always made the effort to help keep things peaceful when we were at home. This didn't always translate outside but I still felt like they were making progress. The four of them were very good about sharing the space we had and everyone had free run of the place-- except for my room; Even Tom, who occasionally found his way into my inner sanctum usually kept his visits brief, and only when I was present.

Medved was the only Spirit who ever spent any great amount of time in my room and I was alright with that; he was an exceptional guest. It was hard to pinpoint at the time but there had been something about Medved's presence that instilled a sense of serenity and peace in me. I felt calm and collected, kind of like a callback to when I was a child well before I realized that the world was a dangerous place and knowing that things could go wrong. More than any other spirit present, Medved FELT like a Guardian and when he was around I knew that everything was okay.

It was during one of those quiet evenings in my room when we had what would become one of our regular 'great talks'. I was typing away at my computer trying to finish a technical writing project ahead of schedule and Medved was seated on my bed as if it were a large bench; I remember looking back over my shoulder at him now and again just because I liked the view. The Bear was obsessing over one of the manuscripts I had been working through; I was up to the low hundreds on page count and he was adamant that he be allowed to read it.

The Bear read slowly but he was dedicated and he spent time reviewing it during every free moment we had. He was one of those appreciative readers who simply wanted to absorb the story rather than critique and when he did ask a question it was usually about the "why"s of the plot rather than the presentation. I didn't mind it at all. Personally, I liked it when he read; these little wire rimmed spectacles always appeared on the bridge of his muzzle and it made him look distinguished.

I had just closed down my writing program and was leaning back in my chair when he paused in his reading. Glancing back at him, I saw him looking up from what the manuscript. Medved took the spectacles off and they disappeared in a wisp as offered one of his insightful thoughts. "I find the interaction between the spoiled princess and the well-meaning knight to be laughable. Was that your intent, Lapushka?"

Thinking on what he was talking about I searched through my memory of the plot to try and figure out what he could consider as funny; in truth, I could think of a few places where there was some situational humor. In the end, I wanted to hear about it in his words so I crossed the room and took a seat on the bed next to him. "Which parts?"

Medved folded the pages back over and set part one of the manuscript neatly on the night stand. "That she likes him but cannot make him hers, and that he is insecure of his position around her and is not aware of her feelings. It is a tragedy that is also a comedy."

I nodded with a smile; it was reaffirming that he was able to catch that. "Exactly. She has to learn patience and he has to learn empathy."

The Bear looked down at me, a glimmer of pride in his eyes as he smiled, revealing his large, thick teeth. "You are a very good story teller, Lapushka. When will this book be ready for others to read?"

The innocent statement got a sigh out of me. "It's not that easy, Medved. If I want to get any kind of distribution then I really should go through a publisher."

His rounded ears rose slightly on his head and he blinked. "Then you should do that, Lapushka. Others should be able to see this; they will like it."

Medved's simple, matter-of-fact opinions always made me smile but that one also meant I had to explain my frustrations. "Publishers don't always accept submissions and, if they do they usually aren't from first time novelists."

The Bear was not to be dissuaded however. "And you could not publish it yourself?"

It was an argument I'd had with myself many times over and I never did conclude it. "I could, but--"

He nodded as if the decision had been made. "Good. You should do that, Lapushka."

Sighing again, I stood up and crossed the room at a measured pace, gesturing with my hands to help me express myself. "It's still not ready, and I could really benefit from the professional services that publishers offer-- editing, printing, finish work, binding, distribution, marketing... all of that is... really difficult."

Although I'd finished walking facing the far wall of the room I could tell that he'd stood and was right behind me. When he spoke, his voice proved it. "I have faith in you."

I felt the firm-but-gentle embrace of large, furry arms wrap around me and Medved's presence helped dispel the doubt and worry in my mind. It was a non-issue to be honest as my manuscript was far from done, but, in that moment I felt like anything was possible and it was a good way to conclude the discussion. I kept my lack of agreement simple, but appreciative. "Thank you, Medved."

Turning around to embrace the Bear back, I buried my face into the thick wool vest covering his midsection. We had been growing closer in the weeks since I'd awakened to the presence of Spirits and the fact that we were touching had become more of a normal expectation rather than a strange event. He chuckled, and, as I looked up, he lowered his muzzle and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. He looked down at me and spoke warmly. "Babushka nadvoye skazala — to li dozhdik, to li sneg, to li budet, to li net."

I recognized perhaps two words in Russian. "What does that mean?"

He slowly disengaged, returning to his spot on the bed as he rested his paw on the manuscript. "It is an old proverb, Dushennka. We do not know what the future brings, so we should do what we will do."

True, it was readily apparent that he wasn't ready to let the issue rest, but at least he continued the discussion in an encouraging way. I didn't miss the different pet-name he'd used for me but I let it slide so I could keep on topic. "So you're saying I should keep writing? And doesn't 'babushka' mean 'grandmother'?"

He chuckled, creating his spectacles again so he could set them atop the manuscript he'd put down; it was an indication that he was ready for the discussion to close as well. "Da, Lapushka... yes it does."

I went over to my closet and picked out my nightgown. "You're not going to tell the exact translation of that proverb, are you?"

Although he made no sound I could still somehow tell he was turning around on the bed to give me privacy for changing. "I will if you wish to know, Lapushka, but the importance and the meaning behind it does not change."

I quickly changed out of my blouse and jeans and into my nightgown, smiling as I took my hairclip out. "Did you cause this much trouble for my babushka, Medved?"

Again, without being able to see him, I realized he was smiling. "More. On many occasions, Stefanika... on many occasions."

Medved had a tendancy to rarely actually use my name so I took note every time he did; usually it related to the possible segue into a story or lengthy monologue. I climbed into bed and rested my head against his ribs, inviting him to continue. "Well? Now you have to tell me."

The Bear hesitated, standing up so he could more effectively let me get settled. Once I was, Medved went to my desk and took hold of my chair. I watched as he pulled its spiritual representation out of its physical form and set it down next to the bed. He took a seat and crossed one leg over the other, taking in a deep breath before elaborating. "One reason I like your story about the princess and the knight is that it reminds me of your babushka and your dzyedooshka."

"My grandmother and grandfather?"

Medved nodded. "Da, Lapushka... your grandmother and grandfather were like your characters in many ways. They lived in the same town only one street from one another and they were often in the same places at the same time. She was fond of him but he did not know it."

I nodded, yawning as I closed my eyes; I loved Medved's stories but his deep, soothing voice made his narrations the perfect accompaniment to fatigue of the day and it wasn't long before I was nodding off. His story continued as he talked about how much trouble she had trying to get his attention, how meek and full of self-doubt he was, and the hours and hours Stephanie's grandmother used to spend lamenting the state of affairs to the Bear.

He also told me how he ended up being instrumental to them ultimately ending up together, but, by that point, I wasn't completely sure what was spoken and what I dreamed. I slept really well that night and I awoke to Medved sitting on the floor next to my bed, muzzle just a few inches higher than where my head was laying on the pillow. His presence brought a smile to my face and I tried some of my limited Russian. "Dobroe utro."

The Bear's smile split his thick muzzle into an even wider grin and he leaned forward, nuzzling my cheek before kissing it. "Good morning, my Lapushka. I read more of your manuscript while you slept."

Yawning, I sat up. "With the lights off? That's not good for your eyes."

He drew back, still smiling, and I realized the mistake I'd made; I'd fallen asleep with the room's light on. He raised a broad paw and tenderly brushed some errant strands of hair out of my face before handing me my glasses. "I could have turned it off, but I liked the idea of you knowing you had left it on all night. You are very cute when you are embarrassed."

I slapped my Bear guardian on the shoulder gently in response after I put my glasses on. Standing and stretching, I glanced to him; he was still smiling. "So you're responsible for my grandmother and grandfather getting together?"

He chuckled. "You fell asleep during the telling of my story."

Fortunately I had excuses ready. "It was a long day yesterday and you didn't start telling it until I was already in bed."

Medved gave a casual shrug. "There is not much more of the story to tell than that."

Despite his dismissal of the question I could still tell there was more to it. "So... nothing much other than them getting married and having my mom, you mean?"

He offered what looked like a sheepish smile. "Well, I continued to love your babushka, of course, and your mother, and all of hers... I--"

The discussion came to an abrupt end as he must have realized how the topic had switched indirectly to my brother when he brought up my mom's kids. It brought up an important question that had been on my mind for awhile but I'd never found the right moment to ask it. I wasn't sure if that morning was it but I decided I wasn't going to hold back. "Medved... if you're a Guardian Spirit--"

He didn't let me finish the statement, acknowledging everything I was about to infer and accepting it squarely on his shoulders. "It was unable to help your brother."

In one sense it hurt me that he was so willing to burden himself with that explanation but it still hadn't answered my question so I pushed the issue. "Why couldn't you?"

He remained where he sat on the floor, head lowered slightly as he closed his eyes. "Guardian Spirits help as much as we can where we can, but, like Humans, we cannot be everywhere at once. We go where we believe we will do the most good or where we are most needed but I was not aware that your brother would need me. It was my lack of insight. It was my fault."

To be honest, as I stood there I wasn't sure whether I wanted to argue with him or accept his words as fact; on one hand if I accepted that Medved was at fault I would finally have someone to blame and I could direct my anger but, on the other hand, I truly knew that the Bear was no more at fault than I and there was no way I could be angry at him for being fallible. A golden teat droplet disappeared into the carpet and his massive shoulders gave a quivering heave. I reached out, but slowly drew back when I heard my name called softly from the hallway. I recognized it as Kyle. "Stef?"

I cleared my throat so I could call without my voice breaking. "Yeah?"

The Raven's voice was tentative, almost embarrassed. "I, uh, didn't want to wake you or anything, but Anapa wanted me to tell you something and he said it couldn't wait."

"What did he want you to tell me?"

Kyle clarified. "Well... he, uh-- he actually said he wanted em to tell you both. He said that it wasn't the Bear's fault."

Medved looked up, softly glowing golden tracks of light still visible on the fur of his cheeks. His voice came out louder than any of ours, with a tone of anger to it. "What isn't? Was he listening to us? What does he mean?"

The aggressive posture of the Bear's voice was apparently enough to spook the Raven; Kyle's voice was even more uncertain. "He... didn't say. He just said that you both needed to know. He said something about a Naturae Spirit and a sacrifice."

"What?!"

I don't know if Medved's voice or mine was louder in our exclamation but the Bear was standing in an instant and he ran right out of the room through the wall. My own trip into the living room was much more round-about. In the short time it took me to join them the previous quiet of the week had dissolved into chaos again. For the first time, however, I didn't mind; Medved and I both had questions.